CHAPTER FIVE: FORGIVENESS

My weekend was a living hell. All Sunday long, I felt anxious, agitated - definitely not my usual relaxed self. My parents were going nuts because I wouldn't stop moving around the house, from the kitchen to the living room, to the living room to the dining hall, and back to the kitchen. Mrs. Lovejoy, our maid, finally decided to solve the problem. She asked me to help her cut carrots while she was fixing our Sunday night dinner.

"What's the matter, honey?" she asked as she began to put butter on the chicken.

I had always liked our maid. Mrs. Lovejoy treated me as her second daughter, not as her boss. In fact, I had received quite a few lectures from her when I was younger. She was a member of our family.

"Nothing," I said.

Mrs. Lovejoy was such a huge part of our household that she shared my parents' view on whom I should date. She didn't want me to spend my life with a good for nothing. She had always encouraged me to go out with Ted Kilbourne or Tom Black. In fact, if she had eyed my relationships less closely than my father would have, I would have found it worrying.

"Come on, honey, don't lie to me," she said. "I know something's troubling you. You're not out daydreaming, and yet, it's beautiful outside today."

She was right. It was a beautiful, warm November day, one of these days I usually occupied with a walk in the woods or in the old Stoneybrook. But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to it today. I would have gone to the old house on Burnt Hill Road, only... I knew that Richard's house wasn't far from it. And I didn't want to take the risk of crossing his path today.

At the thought of Richard being incredibly mad at me, I lowered my head and began to sob. It just came out like that, unexpectedly. Mrs. Lovejoy forgot about her chicken and put an arm around my shoulder.

"Oh, honey, don't cry. Everything's going to be alright. Everything will work out in the end."

"No, it won't."

"That young Prezzioso broke your heart, didn't he?"

"What?" I exclaimed. "No way."

I was so surprised I forgot to cry. Then I thought of Richard again and my mood dropped. I couldn't even confide in Mrs. Lovejoy - she would tell my parents everything. And then, not only would Richard be mad at me, but my parents would probably transfer me to another school.

It's going to be okay, Sharon, I told myself. You don't really like Richard... You just think you like him because you feel guilty. Tomorrow, you'll see him in school and everything's going to be fine. I was lying to myself.

When I saw Richard in the hall, on Monday, there was no doubt about it. It was a crush. The deepest crush I ever had. When I saw him, he was looking in his locker for a book. His pants were too large - they probably belonged to someone bigger. His shirt looked a little yellowish and his woolen sweater had a hole in the elbow. Yet, he had never looked so handsome.

"What are you looking at?" Julie nudged me.

"Huh... Nothing."

"Right." Julia rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Of course."

"I... Never mind, Julia, you wouldn't understand."

"You were looking at Richard Spier. I would be ashamed if I were you."

I couldn't believe my ears. Suddenly, a wave of anger overwhelmed me.

"Do you know, Julia, that you are the biggest snob in Stoneybrook? You aren't any better than any of these students here, you know! Just because your father owns half of the town doesn't mean you have to act like you rule us all!"

"Sharon..."

Before she could even continue, I stormed out of the hall and sat down at my desk in my math class. I was still fuming, but my anger cooled down slowly as I started thinking about Richard. I wanted him. More than anything. My fantasies weren't faceless anymore. But as appealing as a daydream about Richard was, I had more serious concerns. I had to get him back. Or get him.

Richard was proud. More than anything, he wasn't ashamed of who he was. I had been ashamed of Richard. That was the problem. And the solution? It now appeared quite simple.

I entered the cafeteria with butterflies in my stomach. Everyone was already seated and eating, because I had had to stop by the P.E. teacher's office to borrow something from her. I scanned the cafeteria to make sure Richard was there. He was: sitting at an empty table, he was eating an apple - the only thing he could afford to eat today. I spotted Tom, Paul and Ted sitting not very far from him; Julia was sitting on Paul's lap.

I made my way up to an empty chair and climbed on it. I was three tables away Richard, in front of him. When I stood on the chair, he looked up at me. That's when I blew in the whistle I had borrowed from the P.E. teacher.

"Attention, everyone," I said loudly when everybody interrupted their conversations to look where the sound was coming from. "My name is Sharon Porter. For those who don't know me, I am a senior. I have an announcement to make."

I paused. I took a deep breath to ease the butterflies in my stomach. I tried to look at Richard, but couldn' t bring myself to it.

"I..."

I was stupid not to be able to say it out loud. I had to. I had to show everyone in this school they had a chance. It wasn't just about me having a crush anymore.

"I... I have a crush on Richard Spier."

You could have heard a fly sneeze. Nobody said a word.

"Did you hear me?" I asked. "I have a crush on Richard Spier. I HAVE A CRUSH ON RICHARD SPIER!"

Still silence. But then Richard got up and walked up to my chair. He took my hand and climbed on an other chair.

"My name is Richard Spier," he said. "And I am in love with Sharon Porter."