Chapter 12: A Halloween Horror Story
Note: As usual, permission has been given by LadyTifa26, and all FF7 characters are Squaresoft's. And special thanks to Sephiroth1Ripley8 for the horror movie references! THANK YOU AND ENJOY!
"Hello, I am your host for this evening. My name is Rachel, and this is Laura.", said Rachel. "If you're wondering where the rest are, they are inside that very mansion."
"Plus, they can't get out!", added Laura.
"Indeed they cannot.", said Rachel grimly. "So, for your Halloween, we bring you the fate of our compatriots."
"Uh, Rachel?"
"Yeah Laura?"
"Aren't WE supposed to be in that mansion as well?"
"Yeah."
"Then why are we out here?"
"God, woman, I don't know! Come on, let's go back inside." Laura walks back inside, but Rachel hesitates. "Yes, here is our sad and spooky tale of horror and insanity. Enjoy, for it may be our last. BWAHAHAHAHA!", she cackled, as lightning flashed and bats flew out of the mansion.
"YAY! Halloween!", squealed Rachel, hopping about the Shinra mansion, decorating it for the party they were having.
"Why must we have parties HERE?", asked Vincent.
"Well, it's the biggest place we have, AND it's Halloween! This place is perfect for it!", said Rachel happily.
"The decorations are done outside!", said Lucrecia.
"Thanks Lucrecia! Where's Laura?"
"She said something about Vincent's bedroom."
"WHAT!?", cried Vincent. "Not again!"
"Lalalala!", sang Laura, traipsing through Vincent's bed chamber. It was an eerie crypt, with three coffins, bones, and a heap of skulls. But despite the atmosphere, she was very cheerful. "Now, what can I do here. . .?"
"What are you doing here again?", asked Vincent, coming through the door.
"Hi Vinnie!", greeted Laura. "I'm just decorating your room."
"But it's my room woman! My sanctum sanctorum! Is nothing sacred!?"
"Apparently not!", said Laura cheerily as she opened a coffin and found some of his boxers.
"Give me those!", he said, grabbing them.
"Oh Vinnie, why aren't you happy?", asked Laura. "It's Halloween! We get to play pranks on people and get free candy! What's wrong with a holiday like that?!"
"I DO NOT like any holiday where anybody but me enters my room.", said Vincent, putting his boxers back.
"But Vinnie, you shouldn't mind ME in your room! Not if we're getting married. . .", she giggled.
"OH SWEET JESUS, NO!", yelled Vincent. "ANYTHING BUT THAT THOUGHT!"
"Hmmm, I would've thought-
"NO! NO THOUGHTS! GOD IT BURNS!", cried Vincent.
"Come on, let's go.", said Laura, taking him out of the room and back upstairs.
"Hi Laura.", said Cloud, coming in and seeing Laura ushering Vincent down the stairs.
"Hi Cloud!", she said.
"What's up with Vincent?"
"I was talking about getting married to him, then talking about how I should get used to his bed chamber, and well. . .This happened."
"Hmmm, hot sex in a coffin. Sounds good to me.", shrugged Cloud.
"I didn't mean THAT when I was talking about it!", said Laura.
"You didn't?", said Vincent, regaining his eyesight.
"NO!"
"But what did you mean?"
"Well, if we WERE married, we wouldn't live here! I would need to get used to it because we would first of all need to show people through this place so we could sell it."
"Oh yeah? And SUPPOSE we WERE married, where WOULD we live, huh?", he asked.
"Well, if we sold this place, we would move to a big castle next to the ocean where there would be a gentle sea breeze. You would be the prince of the castle, and I would be the fair young maiden, and we would live happily ever after!"
"You've been going over that, haven't you?"
"Many times!", she said.
"Hey, who's coming to the party again?", asked Tifa, poking her head through the doorway.
"Anybody but the Turks and people from Shinra.", said Cloud.
"Okay! Gotcha!"
"What's going on at this party? There better not be any more strippers.", said Vincent.
"Nah, no more strippers.", said Rachel. "Unless Sephy were still here. . . Sigh."
"You're nuts.", said Cloud.
"What?! He may be evil, BUT HE'S MY EVIL LITTLE STUD MUFFIN!", cried Rachel.
"Wait, I thought you liked ME!", said Cloud.
"I do."
"So? Who do you like more?"
"You."
"Him? Why?", asked Vincent.
"Come on! Just look at him! Nice abs and biceps, PLUS he has the bluest eyes I've ever seen! Cloudy, hands down.", said Rachel.
"I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. . .", mumbled Cloud.
"Oh yeah, and I must mention since he's 5'7" and I'm 5'6", he'd be MUCH easier to make out with."
"GOD! DON'T EVEN GO THERE!", cried Cloud.
"HAHA! At least she thinks you're better looking Cloud.", said Vincent. "And besides, SHE doesn't break into your bedroom."
"Oh no. . .heh heh. . .", she laughed nervously, thinking about the time she broke in and took his journal.
"PARTY TIME!", shouted Rachel giddily. There were decorations everywhere, music blaring, and everyone had shown up. It was a costume party, and Tifa was a sorceress with a costume that looked like Sorceress Edea's from FF8, Aeris was a princess, Barret was a commando, Cid was a drunken pirate captain (old habits are hard to break), Yuffie was an assassin (unsurprisingly), Cloud was a knight, Vincent was a vampire (very fitting, eh?), Lucrecia was just normal (not enough time to get a costume), Shera couldn't make it, and Red was wrapped up like a mummy.
"Where's Reeve?", asked Aeris to Rachel, dressed like a punk rocker with a tie, tied across her head.
"Beats me!"
"It's a costume party? Aw, nuts.", he said, stepping into the mansion.
"Hi Reeve! Don't worry, your okay, the costume was optional.", said Rachel.
"Rachel, there's someone on the radio saying something!", said Laura, dressed in a chocobo suit.
"A thunderstorm has been reported in the area! Please stay indoors, until the storm is over. Thank you.", said the reporter.
"We should be fine! We're indoors, right?" A loud crash of thunder was heard outside the window and lightning severed the sky in two, and the lights dimmed and flickered out. "Aw, futz."
"We'll just move to another place.", said Cloud. "I have a generator back at my house."
"But the guy said not to go anywhere.", said Laura.
"It won't be THAT bad.", said Cloud. "Come on, let's go." They all walked to the door, and he opened it. "See? Nothing." He headed out, and stopped. "I'm fine, no prob! GGAGAAAAAAAAK!" Lightning came down, and struck him, and you could see his skeleton. "Uhhhhhh. . .:", he said listlessly. "Lightning doesn't strike twice in the same spot though! AAAAAAAAAAAAGAGAHHHHHHH!" Lightning hit him again, and this time, smoke was coming off of him. "Owww. . ." BOOM! More lightning struck down, hitting a nearby tree. "SEE! IT MISSED THIS TIME! OUCH!" The tree tipped over and fell on him. "I'm okay. . ." By this time, everyone had ran back inside, but Cloud had pulled himself out. "OKAY! NOTHING BAD COULD HAPPEN NOW!" A black, fuzzy rabbit came out from behind the fallen tree, and hopped forward. "Awwww! A bunny!", he said. It's eyes glowed red. "Eeeeep! AARRRRRRGH!" They heard him cry from the inside of the house. The door flew open, and he ran in, the demon rabbit chasing him. "QUICK! CLOSE THE DOOR! IT THIRSTS FOR BLOOD! AHHGH!" He slammed the door. "Okay, no way out. That's not good.", he concluded.
"Yeah, we figured.", said Tifa.
"Well, we'll just have to make due.", said Lucrecia, handing out some candles. "So what will we do?"
"I don't know."
Time passed slowly, the clock on the wall ticking away at the seconds, its clicking echoing through the room. They laid down lethargically, not knowing what to do. Lucrecia however being the smartest one there, was working on how to put the radio back into commission.
"I've got it!", she said. "All I have to do, is find something with enough acidity and. . ."
"And what?", asked Rachel, lying on a couch on her back.
"I can make a battery strong enough to power the radio back up."
"So start!", Rachel urged.
"Okay, I'll be downstairs making it. Just keep yourselves entertained. I should be done soon." She departed for the basement, and Laura stood up.
"Why don't we do something? You know, for entertainment.", she said. "Anybody have a talent they could show off? Anybody? Tifa, what about you?"
"OOH! DO THAT ONE THING! THAT DRAMATIC SCENE YOU CAN DO FROM THAT ONE MOVIE!", said Aeris.
"Do I have to?", asked Tifa.
"YEP!", said Rachel. She pushed Tifa to the center of the room, so she could perform that scene. Aeris however, ran to the kitchen, but nobody really noticed.
"Okay, here goes. . .", suddenly, Tifa noticed something come up behind Cloud, sitting on the couch, and it looked like they had a knife.
"LOOK OUT! LISTEN! HE'S GONNA KILL HIM! YOU GOTTA HELP HIM!", Tifa shrieked.
"Hey, I know this one!", said Laura. "It's 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'!"
"ICE!", shouted Tifa, casting Ice on Cloud's assailant.
"Huh? Aeris?" Cloud looked behind him, and Aeris was holding two things in her hands.
"What's that?"
"Errrrgh. . . Cookies. . .are. . .done!", said Aeris, before collapsing to the ground.
"Sorry Aeris.", apologized Tifa, moving her onto the couch, because she was half frozen. "But how did you make cookies? There's no electricity."
"Ow. . .", said Aeris, rubbing her head. "I used Fire to bake these. Where's the spatula?"
"Oh, THAT'S what looked like a knife.", said Red, picking up the spatula with his mouth.
"Getting paranoid, aren't we?", said Vincent.
"It was an honest mistake!", said Tifa. "You need better lighting in here!"
"As if it would matter.", added Yuffie. "There's no electricity."
"Oh yeah. . ."
"This mansion can play tricks on you.", said Vincent. "Once you get used to it, it's no problem. Just don't lose it."
"Yeah, HOW COULD anybody lose it in here?", said Rachel, looking at a skull on the floor. RING RING! Yuffie's PHS went off.
"Hello?", she asked. A man's voice was talking.
"What's your favorite scary movie?"
"'Scream'.", replied Yuffie.
"Yuffie! Who's that?", asked Barret.
"Some dude asking what my fave scary movie is."
"And you said 'Scream'?", asked Rachel.
"Yeah."
"This night is getting ironic. . ."
"YES! Thank you miss for answering our question on our questionnaire!", said the man's voice. "As a thank you gift, we'll send you any DVD of your choice!"
"WOOHOO! LOTR! LOTR!", said Yuffie, jumping up and down. "Two Towers!"
"Okay! We'll send you those immediately! Thank you, and goodbye!" Yuffie hung up, and the others were just staring at her.
"What?! It was just somebody for a questionnaire. AND I GOT LOTR!"
"Sigh. . .", sighed Rachel. More time passed, and the shadows crept ominously on the walls, lightning flashing through the windows, and everyone was going insane, and not to mention, a little paranoid.
"What's-
"NO! MINE! MY PLUSHIE!", screeched Rachel, cutting off Laura, holding onto her plushie of Cloud.
"Er, I was just asking what time it was."
"Oh. 9:00", said Rachel, looking at her watch.
"I got it!", said Lucrecia over the stair banister. "I have a battery!" She held up a few lemons with gator clips attached to it, and they were also attached to the radio.
"Lemons?", said Cloud curiously.
"Yes. It has enough acidity to act as a battery. What?" She was the smartest one there, and they were all just staring at her. "Er, okay. . . I'm just gonna turn on the radio now. . ." She turned the knob, and a news reporter was on.
"And in the Nibelheim area, the storm is STILL plowing through, but the clouds are also still regathering, so the storm is still benign in that area for a little while longer. Reports till suggest to relocate if necessary. Repeat, relocate if necessary."
"ALL RIGHT!", said Rachel happily. "Let's get out of this bat infested hell hole!"
"HEY! This is MY bat infested hell hole!", said Vincent.
"Yeah whatever. Come on! Let's go!"
"NO!", cried Cloud. "NOT THAT WAY! Oh sweet Jesus. . ." Rachel opened the door, and the demon bunny attacked.
"GAH! CLOSE THE DOOR! IT IS BLOOD LUSTING!" They all forced the door closed, and Vincent motioned them with his hand.
"Come on. There's a back door." They moved into the backyard, surrounded by a high, pointed gate. "THIS is the backyard."
"OH! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH VINNIE!", squealed Laura, hopping onto him.
"WAUGH! BUT THERE'S NO WAY OUT! Hey, aren't you going to get off of me? I SAID, there is still NO way out!"
"MY VINNIE! NOT LUCRECIA'S! MINE!", she said in a spoiled, childish tone.
"Sigh. . ."
"Why can't we just climb over the %&%#! thing?", asked Cid.
"Even if we COULD, most likely we'd be skewered by those pointed arrow heads on top of them.", said Vincent.
"Fine with me. Come on Laura, give him some breathing space and help me with this fire.", said Rachel. She pulled up some dry logs that sat under a tarp, and Laura gathered stone and created a substantial circle around the logs. "One more thing. . .", said Rachel, pointing her index finger at it. A fireball shot out of it, and lighted the logs. "I love that materia. GATHER THE MARSHMALLOWS!"
"Marthmallowth? Whath marthmallowth?", said Barret, his mouth full of them, his hand buried in the bowl.
"Come ON Barret! I need those!", said Rachel, reaching for the bowl.
"MINE!" Barret began shooting off his gun, until Tifa lowered it.
"Barret, just give up the marshmallows.", said Tifa.
"Fine. . ." They began to sit around the fire, on some other dry logs, and they began to roast the marshmallows.
"Sigh. Too bad there's no electricity.", said Yuffie. "And we're stuck in a place like this. Ironic, isn't it?" The others still looked somberly into the fire. "I just hope that nothing happens to us. But I doubt that anything would happen. We just have to live a while without electricity." Nobody said anything. "What's with them?", thought Yuffie. "They're so quiet! Hmph." She moved to speak again. "I feel so paranoid here. What about you guys?" This time, they nodded slightly.
"I'm sure we'll be fine.", said Aeris. "Nothing like this would ever tear us apart right? I mean, its just some time without electricity. And even though we're in the dark doesn't mean we'll get all edgy. And I'm SURE nobody is plotting against us."
"Yeah, Aeris is right.", said Yuffie. "But what if we DID turn on each other?", she thought. "What would that be like? Hmm, if I found a way out of here and didn't tell anybody though, I COULD steal all of their materia. That settles it! I NEED to find a way out!"
"Wow, I can't believe we're stuck here.", thought Aeris. "I don't mind it much though. And I'm here with Cloud. That's all I need, right? I should be fine. . ."
"Whew, chilly out.", thought Tifa. "Whoa! Look at her, scarfing all of those marshmallows!" She was watching Rachel eat three marshmallows at once. "Soon, I'm gonna NEED electricity. I never realized how much I depended on it. But I can't believe I'm stuck here with Rachel! She'll try and steal Cloud again. . . That's it! I'm going to bring Cloud, and find a way out! And while everyone else is stuck here, we'll be alone! For once! I NEED to find a way out!"
"Stuck here with the loonies, just great.", thought Red. "And nobody is even CLOSE to my species! I can't stay here and keep all this beast-like manliness to myself! But who am I kidding, I AM the beast. That's it, I can't stand it! NO electricity, and I'm stuck ALONE with theses PEOPLE! I'll just leave them here, while I search for an exit. I NEED to find a way out!"
"No electricity and no beer, make Cid go crazy!", Cid thought. "Need beer! Need cigarettes! Need porn! But if I found a way out, I could leave these guys here, take all the beer, cigarettes, and porn they have, and keep it to myself! I wouldn't get yelled at, OR have to share! I NEED to find a way out!"
"Everyone looks so shaken up!", thought Lucrecia. "I hope Vincent is at least okay. He's been so solemn lately. And what's up with Laura? She acts so strange around him. I think she likes him. . . How cute! And they look so cute together!" She had a small smile on her face and almost giggled, looking across the fire at Laura, grasping on to Vincent's arm and he rolled his eyes. "But I like him, too. He's so nice, really. I hope he's not a perv like Cid or Cloud though. Oh well, I just hope we get out soon. We NEED to find a way out!"
"So many meetings! I can't BELIEVE I'm being held up here! It's all HER fault, isn't it!?", thought Reeve. "Wait. If I leave them here, I won't be bothered! Not anymore! Yes, that's it! I leave them here! It's official! I NEED to find a way out!"
"I want some marshmallows.", thought Cloud. "Wow, just look at Rachel eat those though. Why does she even like me, anyway? I mean, besides the obvious? She gets beaten up by Tifa, she keeps my secret from Aeris when she could just sabotage me by telling her, and STILL she keeps it and likes me! How persistent. . . But hey, if I left here with Tifa, I wouldn't be bothered by anybody, now would I? Now THAT'S a plan. WOOHOO! I can picture it now. . . IT'S LIKE A WHOLE MARATHON OF WHAT I DO BEST! And by looking at me, it's OBVIOUS to what I do best. . . Okay! It's settled! I NEED to find a way out!"
"MY marshmallows!", thought Barret. "Grrr, I shoulda never given em' up! But if I left here without them, I could have as many marshmallows as I wanted! NEED MARSHMALLOWS! I NEED to find a way out!"
"Vinnie!", thought Laura, hanging onto his arm, now dressed OUT of the chocobo suit, because she had a change of clothes, just like the others who were now dressed normally. "I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH! But you like Lucrecia. . . I KNOW I'll beat her! I'm SO much better! What does she have that I don't?! Other than a Ph.D. , that's it! Sigh. I hope we get out of here soon. But I'm in no hurry. . ." She leaned on him and closed her eyes. "Vinnie. . ." Soon the heat of the fire carried her out of consciousness, and she fell asleep.
"EEEW! Why is she sleeping on me?!", thought Vincent. "It looks so CUTE though. . . NO! MUST NOT THINK ABOUT THAT! BUT IT'S SO CUTE! CAN'T HELP BUT THINK THAT! AUGH! I'm going insane! I can't stay for much longer! I NEED to find a way out! But she's so cute. . . I MUST be insane if I think she's cute! Wait, did I just say she's cute? I mean, the sleeping on my shoulder is cute! But wait, I can't think that either! MUST NOT THINK IT'S CUTE! NEED GET OUT! NEED ESCAPE! ALONE! TO THINK! AUGH!"
"Mmmm, marshmallows. . .", thought Rachel. "I like doughnuts, too. Don't they make marshmallow filled doughnuts? DOUGHNUTS FROM GOD, I SAY! Man, I reeeeaaally want a doughnut. Oooh! Nice shot of Cloudy at this point. . ." She looked across the bonfire, and saw his face in the radiant glow of the flames. "Mmmm, Cloudy. . . Mmmm, doughnuts. . . THAT'S IT! I KNOW WHAT I ULTIMATELY I WANT! CLOUD AND DOUGHNUTS! WITH MARSHMALLOW FILLING! So that's it! I NEED to find a way out, and only bring HIM! So, now I have him, AND I can find a doughnut shop! Then, I'll have all I want! Cloud plus Doughnuts equals paradise! YES! THE MEANING OF LIFE IS SOLVED!"
"So, how about this?", said Aeris, standing up. "If we find a way out of here, we tell everybody. Okay?" They all looked across the flames, and nodded, keeping their intentions to themselves. "It's settled then." The rain began again, and they all hurried back inside, the fire dying out slowly.
Time passes slowly, their eyes glazing over, the haunting silence echoing throughout their minds and sub-consciousness. Echoing that they must escape the ultimate monotony of what is going on. Going insane.
"JESUS!", thought Tifa. "It's SO boring! And so far, no sign of another way out. At least SHE is knocked out cold." She looked over at Rachel, who was sound asleep on the couch. "Jesus. . . Better keep looking. . ." Cloud was in another room, alone, staring at a blank television screen.
"NEED. . .TV. . .", he thought desperately.
"Hi Cloud.", said Reeve, walking in.
"Oh. Hi Reeve.", said Cloud.
"You know, I realize we all wouldn't be here if Rachel didn't schedule that party."
"Hmmm, I never thought of that. . ." Reeve was about to exit the room, and then hesitated, thinking about his ultimate vengeance, to ensure he wouldn't be bothered anymore.
"Just think about it. I'll see you." Cloud laid down, and thought about it.
"It TRUE. She DID plan this. And even if we lost power over anywhere else, we wouldn't ALL be trapped here." The ticking of a clock, and the dripping of a faucet seemed to clamor in the background as he sat there, bored out of his mind. No electricity. No TV. No air conditioning. Just boredom in the solemn pits of this God forsaken mansion. His mind flooded with all the background noises, just thinking about what Reeve said. He became more irritable with every drop of water that fell, and his eyes became small and bloodshot. He had gone insane.
"Maybe over here. . .", thought Yuffie, pulling apart the bookcases in the basement of the mansion. "Nope, still nothing. . ." She walked back to the laboratory. "EEW! IS THAT A HUMAN HEART!? Oh wait no, just a model. . ." She sat down, with a VERY bored look, and she picked up a vial full of a purple liquid. "What's this?" She just looked at it, and curiously, poured it into the next vial, and it fizzled. "Ooh! Cool! And what about this. . .?"
"NOT THAT!" The sound of Lucrecia's voice startled Yuffie, and she dropped in the next liquid. "NO!" BOOM! It exploded in Yuffie's face, and she cough out a cloud of smoke. "I told you. . ."
"Don't startle me!", said Yuffie, turning around.
"Sorry. . ."
"Sigh. Hey, do you have any idea where there could be another exit?"
"No, I have no idea."
"Darn. WHERE could one be?", said Yuffie, walking over to the bookcases and leaning on it. "Hmmm, if I were a secret passage, where would I hide. . .?"
"Somewhere secret.", said Lucrecia.
"Well, no DUH! But I mean- WAUGH!" Her fingers slid over a leather bound book, and the bookcase spun and turned, revealing a passageway. "COOLNESS!"
"Rachel?", asked Laura, poking Rachel awake.
"Just five more minutes mommy. . ."
"WAKE UP!" Rachel suddenly snapped awake. "Much better. Now, have you seen Cloud?"
"ALL HER FAULT!", thought Cloud, slipping farther into insanity. "JESUS! SHE MUST BE THE DEVIL'S CHILD! I SWEAR IT! But how do I PROVE she's the devil's child? There must be SOME marking. . . I KNOW!" He looked insanely at his buster sword and fingered it lovingly, the lightning flashing through the window increasing the look of the gaunt shadows on his face. "I KNOW WHERE IT IS!"
"No, I haven't seen him.", said Rachel.
"Oh, of all people, I though y-
"HERE'S JOHNNY!", said Cloud, busting through the door with his sword, a maniacal smile on his features.
"But Cloudy, your name is CLOUD!", said Rachel, having no idea what was going to happen.
"THIS SWORD WILL BE YOUR DOOM!" He rushed toward Rachel, and she had no time to draw her katana, so she could only try and dodge the silver streak that charged toward her head.
"GAH! Cloudy, what's wrong with you?!", said Rachel, clearly worried. "AH!" He tried again, and this time, he clipped of a bit of hair on her nape. "OUCH!"
"THERE! THERE IS THE OMEN!", said Cloud, pointing at the numbers printed on her nape.
"941-267-9431?", said Laura curiously. "Cloud, isn't that your phone number?"
"Huh? Not 666?"
"Yeah, dude. Its' not 'The Omen'.", said Rachel. "And besides, I needed to make sure I always had his number!"
"But on your neck?", asked Laura.
"YEP! I can just look in the mirror, than take a small hand mirror, and I can see it."
"But, I was SURE that she was evil!", said Cloud, breaking out of his insane consciousness.
"Of COURSE not, Cloudy! What do you think I am? A DEMON?!"
"Actually, something like that, sure.", he said.
"Oh. THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!"
"BEER! NEED BEER!", shouted Cid, rummaging through the kitchen fridge. "WAH! I NEED BEER! What's this?" He found a switch in the back. "GLAH!" He flipped it and the fridge door closed, and the back of the fridge had opened up, revealing a chute he was now flying down.
"Heh, heh. Kitty gettin' his lovin'!", thought Red, pretending to be asleep in Aeris' lap, who was gently stroking him behind the ears. They were sitting upstairs, with nothing to do, when Tifa walked in.
"Where's Yuffie?", she asked.
"Lucrecia, come ON!" They were heading down a dark stairwell, and Yuffie was leading the way.
"Where does this lead? Any ideas?", she asked.
"No, do I look li- HEY! EEW! What's this?!", exclaimed Yuffie, picking up a pair of men's briefs off the stone floor. "This isn't CLOUD'S room! Hey, these look familiar. . ."
"You recognize people's underwear? That could say a LOT about your lifestyle.", said Lucrecia.
"GOD, NO!", said Yuffie in disgust. "NO WAY!"
"Who's there?", asked Lucrecia, seeing a shadow move across the ground. "Yuffie?!" Yuffie wasn't there anymore. "EEK!"
"YUFFIE! LUCRECIA! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?!" The rest of the team had assembled together, searching for them.
"Hey, has anybody seen Cid, either?", asked Barret.
"Now that you mention it, no.", said Tifa, looking around.
"Oh great. MORE people missing.", said Cloud.
"LEMME OUT!", yelled Cid from an iron jail cell.
"You won't be going anywhere. . .", said a sharp female voice.
"I see you caught that one.", said a man, walking up to the woman. He couldn't make out there shapes, due to the darkness of the chamber he was being held in. "I guess I owe you money now."
"WHO ARE YOU!? LET ME OUT OF THIS GODDAMN %&%! CELL!"
"Shut up. Maybe this will keep you quiet. . .", they rolled a beer into his cell.
"YIPPEE! BEER!"
"And the ones YOU caught?", asked the woman.
"Easily enough, they were caught. The ninja girl is catching on though.", said the man.
"And the smart one? You know, the old Turk's girlfriend?"
"She's been subdued, just like the other. She won't be figuring out a way to get out of her cell. Don't worry."
"Good."
"Where are they? Do you think. . . They found a way out and left us here?", asked Laura.
"Nah, Cid's probably drunk somewhere, Yuffie's hunting for materia, and Lucrecia's probably finding a way out of here. And I'm SURE she'd tell us if she found a way.", said Tifa.
"If you say so. . ."
"What's this?" Rachel picked up a green hair wrap off of the stone floor of the basement, where they all were. "This looks like Yuffie's!"
"Yeah, and it looks like it's been burned a little.", said Aeris.
"What so you think happened?"
"I don't know, but we should be careful.", said Red. "Look! Footprints!"
"They lead to the bookcase.", said Cloud.
"A WAY OUT!", said Vincent.
"Aeris, you and Rachel search here. Laura, you can help them, too. Barret, Vincent, and Red, check upstairs. Tifa and I will check all the other rooms in the back. Got it?"
"This sounds like Scooby Doo.", said Rachel. "Fred always decides the group, and he's ALWAYS with Daphne, and we ALL know what THEY are doing. . ."
"Er, GOTTA GO!", said Cloud, grabbing Tifa's wrist and running.
"What? What ARE they doing?", asked Aeris.
"Um, we'll tell you later."
WHUMP! Cloud and Tifa were doing their normal routine, and were headed to Vincent's bedroom. They pushed open the door, and Cloud opened the lid of the coffin.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?", asked Cloud.
"You mean hot sex in a coffin?"
"Yep."
"Thought so." Cloud situated Tifa in there, and he turned to close the door. When he did and turned around, the coffin, along with Tifa, was gone.
"Lalala. . ." Laura was humming cheerfully, examining the bookcase, while Rachel and Aeris were both looking at the singed green hair wrap and the footprints. "So, have you guys found anything?", asked Laura.
"Nada. These prints could have been anybody's, PLUS they might've just needed to get a book of the shelf.", said Aeris.
"Sigh. Oh well. . ."
"GUYS!" Cloud abruptly busted through the door.
"Huh? What?", asked Rachel.
"Tifa's gone!"
"YESSSSSS! I mean. . . uh, oh no! No more concussions and bruises! How sad!", said Rachel, in mock disappointment. Aeris leaned back on the bookcase, and the door revolved and swept her in, like it did to all the others.
"Where did Aeris go?"
Barret, Vincent, and Red, were both walking through the upstairs corridor, carefully and almost silently, and stopped in front of a painting of the former President Shinra. Real eyes peered at them from behind the painting, and when Vincent moved forward, Barret moved forward, but Red noticed it. He looked up, and the eyes were still. Suddenly, Red moved and leaned against the walls, peered even harder at the eyes, and poked them.
"AIEEE! OWCH!" Red panicked, but the painting moved and a hand came out, pulling him in.
"Hey! Did you hear that?", asked Barret.
"Where's Red? Something is DEFINITELY wrong here.", said Vincent.
"Oh, and I see you just noticed.", said Barret.
"Come on. This is the last room.", said Vincent, moving into the room with the safe. They moved inwards, and Vincent examined the furniture, while Barret looked at the safe.
"Now what was that code? Let's see. . .", The safe door was closed, and he entered the code. "10-36-52-97. . ." Click! It swung open. "Hah! My memory isn't as bad as I thought! WHOA!" When he looked inside, the door pushed him in, then swung back out, and Barret wasn't there anymore.
"Barret?! Oh sweet Jesus. . ."
"I know what's going on here.", said Cloud, after Vincent presented his case that Barret and Red were now missing.
"What?", asked Rachel.
"YOU'RE PLAYING TRICKS!"
"Have you capture the next four?", asked that woman to the man again.
"Heh. Of course, I'm not incompetent."
"One would think so. . .", said the woman, smiling as the man got angry.
"What are you doing with us?!", asked Aeris from a cell.
"An employer hired us here.", said the woman. "PLUS, I find it amusing how helpless the woman he liked so much is. . ."
"What? Cloud?"
"EEW! No way! I don't do that sort of stuff. And I hope you don't mind staying in here a little longer. But don't worry, our job is almost done."
"HEY! THE NINJA HAS ESCAPED!", shouted a short, strawberry blond haired man.
"What?! And she knows too much, too! Capture her!"
"I see even YOU are having trouble with them.", said a long haired man.
"I must admit, as PREDICTABLE as they are, they are. . .amusing.", said the woman.
"Hey, what can I do with THIS one!?", asked the other man, with the bandanna, looking into Tifa's cell.
"Hands off lecher!", shouted Tifa. "Huh?! Ugh. . ." She was tranquilized.
"And for you. . .", said the woman, walking into the light in front of Aeris' cell. "He always liked you. Though I NEVER knew why. . .", said the woman, revealing short blond hair. "Tseng always had an interesting taste in women."
"ELENA?! !!!. . ." Aeris was tranquilized as well.
"CAPTURE THE NINJA!"
"Playing tricks?! You think we're PLAYING TRICKS?!", exclaimed Laura.
"It makes sense! With all the others gone, you have us all to yourselves! How sick IS THAT?!", said Cloud.
"Look Cloud. You're hot and all, but don't flatter yourself.", said Rachel. "I DON'T dispose of people FOR ANYBODY!"
"THEN WHY ARE THEY MISSING!?"
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!?" Rachel stormed out of there, apparently frustrated with everything, and Laura ran after.
"Cloud, maybe she DOESN'T have anything to do with this.", said Vincent.
"Uh huh, yeah, and I'm the pink happy queen of pixies.", said Cloud, walking over to the bookcase. "How come I've never seen this book before?" He touched it, and it moved inward, sweeping in both him and Vincent.
"JERK!", shouted Rachel.
"Calm down!"
"Why does he suspect me?!"
"Well, I must admit, his reasoning wasn't surprising."
"Then your with him too?!"
"HEY! Don't get angry at me! Let's go back there, and see if we can't figure this out, okay?"
"Suuuurrre. . .", said Rachel, fingering her summon materia. "We'll reason this out. . ."
"Put it AWAY."
"Sigh. . . fine." Shwup! They heard something fall from the ceiling.
"HEY!"
"GAHK! Yuffie?!" She had fallen from the ceiling, nearly giving them both a cardiac arrest.
"Where are the others?"
"If you mean Vincent and Cloud, they're in there.", said Rachel, pointing.
"They're the only one's left?"
"Why? What's going on?", asked Laura.
"I'll explain when we get there." They walked to the end of the hallway, and opened the door, but there was no sign of them.
"Have you found that girl yet?", asked Elena.
"No ma'am. But we have the other two you requested.", said a young man, that was never there before.
"And who are you? You must be new to the Turks. Welcome.", she said.
"THANK YOU MA'AM!", the man saluted smartly, and walked away. "Heheheh. . .", thought the young man, brushing hair and a bandanna out of her face, for it was really a woman in disguise. "Idiots." It was Tifa in that outfit, and the guard she knock out was now in her cell.
"Interesting looking newcomer, wouldn't you say, Reno?", asked Elena.
"You mean that guard? Yeah. Looks smaller than everyone else, and I could've SWORN he was a woman at first glance."
"Same here. But as for that girl, release our final stage."
"But I thought it was only for that stupid girl and her friend, not the ninja."
"RELEASE IT!"
"Yes ma'am. . .", said Reno with anger, for he HATED taking orders from her, because she was now the head of the Turks. HE pulled a lever and the gate for something monstrous opened, and with a demonic cry it charged out of its cage, and headed for the basement.
"Uh, where are they?", asked Yuffie.
Hmmm, I thought they were here.", said Rachel.
"YOU LEFT THEM ALONE!?", screamed Yuffie.
"Sorry. . ."
"Errrgh. . ." The solid rotation of the wall behind them was heard, and they quickly turned around to see a person in a suit, similar to that of the Turks.
"Woo! I'm back!", said Tifa, taking off the bandanna.
"Tifa?! But, uh, HOW!?", said Rachel.
"No time! They're about to release something on you!"
"What?"
"How should I know?! We have to go!", she said, grabbing her arm. The floor rumbled, and that monster you fight when you get Vincent's key crushed the ceiling above them, and tried to attack. "Barrier!" Before it could attack, Tifa left a barrier for it, and it was destroyed in one blow.
"MOVE!", shouted Yuffie, pushing her way up the stairs. This time, they had no choice but move outside. They scrambled out, with no sign of the rabbit, the tree still fallen, and the storm still raging.
"GRRRAAAAARHH!", shrieked the monster, bursting out of the mansion.
"Holy shit. . .", said Rachel. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!"
"SHUT UP, AND FIGHT THIS THING BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS! MOVE IT!", shouted Tifa, running up to it and casting poison on it.
"Oh great. Poison. THAT will do A LOT!", shouted Rachel. "Here, THIS is gonna work.", she said, grabbing some excess materia from Yuffie.
"HEY!"
"Look, if you want to LIVE, gimme this!"
"Don't you think we're at a high enough level to take care of this easily?"
"I'M LEVEL 12! SHE'S LEVEL 13!", shouted Rachel, pointing at Laura.
"Oh. Nevermind then."
"OKAY! LET'S SEE WHAT THIS MATERIA IS!", said Rachel, putting it in her katana hilt and assuming the fighting stance. The sword glowed red, and the clopping of hooves were heard. "Oh gravy, I summoned a HORSE."
"HOLD ON!", said Tifa. "LOOK!" Something shot into the sky, and the storm clouds parted, and a transparent lance fell right on top of the monster, knocking it out of commission.
"WOOHOO! I love Odin!", said Rachel, doing a little victory dance.
"Aw crap.", said a voice from behind. The entire group was there, all tied up, and the Turks were there as well. "I see our vengeance hasn't been carried out.", said Elena.
"Vengeance? Wait, this was all YOUR doing?", asked Rachel.
"Well, I was gonna tell you. . .", said Yuffie. "But the monster came before I could tell you."
"Well, you can have your friends back. Reeve is gonna be angry. . ."
"Reeve?"
"Yeah, where WAS he the entire time?", asked Laura.
"I've been thinking.", said Reeve, stepping out amongst them. "You have been a great obstruction in my schedule. NOBODY ever does that. So I got to thinking, "Why should they stay here? They're no great asset to us." So I figured, I should test you. And well, as much as you had almost failed horribly, your still alive, and that still counts."
"Wait. A TEST!?", shouted Tifa. "You do this, for a TEST?!'
"It had to be done. AND it was convenient that the Turks were here."
"You didn't invite us to the party!", said Reno.
"WHAT?! DIH!" They collapsed in exasperation. "WHY?!"
"We ALWAYS get invited to parties! It's what we DO!"
"I thought you stole, kidnapped, and murdered."
"That's only a side job."'
"Oh."
"Here, you can take em' back.", said Rufus, walking toward the tied up group.
"RUFUS! YAY!", squealed Rachel.
"GOTTA GO!"
"Hello there. It is I, Rachel."
"AND ME! LAURA!", shouted Laura happily.
"And that is our Halloween episode!"
"Sorry if it sucked.", said Laura, bowing in apology.
"You can only imagine under what conditions A. Nonymous III esq. Wrote this under."
"Lack of sleep, hormonal stuff, little time. . .", listed Laura.
"SO, we're taking a small break!", said Rachel.
"Well, not really a break.", said Laura.
"Yeah. We're going on intermission, so we're going to give you an episode. . ."
"OF COMPLETE NONSENSE!", they said together.
"I though the weird episode was the LAST one though.", said Laura.
"NOPE! The intermission isn't EXACTLY nonsense. What I mean is, it's not a real episode."
"Huh? That's new."
"Due to the fact the author here-
"I thought YOU wrote this fic. I mean, this IS your world."
"Yeah, I wrote it."
"But you said A. Nonymous III esq. wrote it.
"Yeah. That's my pen name, duh."'
"Oh yeah."
"BACK ON TOPIC!", said Rachel. "The author has been surrounded by Dungeons and Dragons lately, SO there's gonna be an episode about that!"
"YAY! D&D!"
"But just to remind you, it's NOT a real episode. Just something I'm giving you until I'm done resting. I HATE SCHOOL!"
"Don't we all?"
"True. But don't worry, the rest shouldn't take long. The author can barely STAND not typing for a long time. The rest might only be one day without typing."
"SO IT WON'T BE LONG! DON'T WORRY!"
"See ya'!", waved Laura goodbye. "And Rachel, why do you have Rufus and Cloud tied up?"
"Er. . ."
"And you have a bull whip."
"Um. . ."
"IN YOUR ROOM!?"
"It's only temporary!"
"It better be. . ." She left Rachel in her room, and Rachel turned around to face Rufus and Cloud who were tied up and gagged.
"Don't worry.", she said, snapping the bull whip. "I'll give you plenty of exercise. . . IN MY ROOM!", she said with an evil smile, taking pleasure in the extremely distressed look in their eyes.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"