Chapter 13: The Trials and Tribulations of Tifa Lockheart
Note: OKAY PEOPLES! I AM BACK! I desperately needed sleep, and during my respite, I learned a very interesting thing: If I have a lot of sleep, I'm a better artist. If I have little sleep, I'm a better writer. And when I try to draw when I'm sleep deprived, I draw girls better, and when I have a lot of sleep, I draw guys better. Weird huh? And if you wish I'll send this to you, because (If ANYBODY is even reading this) I'm working on another Sephiroth pic, because it seems I figured out to draw that way I did the Cloud pic (Upon which I'm sure you've ALL seen.), but not quite as well, but I tried. I now only need to do a macho pose, AND VOILA! ANOTHER MASTERPIECE BORN! Huh? I put the credits here? Oh yeah, that's right. FF7 characters belong to Squaresoft, and Laura has the permission of usage from LadyTifa26. And just a warning : I think this sucks.
"Now how do I start this. . .?", thought Tifa, sitting at an oaken desk in her bedroom, holding a pen in hand and leaning on her other, looking into an open book. "I've never kept a diary before. . . Well, it's mine, right? I can start it any way I wish. Okay, let's start. I guess maybe I should start writing about my friends first, then move into what's going on. Here we go.", she said, putting her pen down on the first line of the blank notebook.
"Dear diary,
Yeah, I guess this is how it goes. You see, I'm not sure how to start this, and I guess I might as well be candid with it. First of all, I suppose I should introduce you to the people I live with. God, that's gonna be interesting. I'll give it a shot." She sat there, wondering who to talk about first. She laughed silently to herself, listening to the racket below her room, at Rachel starting to curse and kick the broken dishwasher.
"YOU $! DISHWASHER FROM HELL! I SHALL SMIGHT THEE! PERISH!" Then she heard some banging, and the washer actually started up. "HUZZAH! IT WORKED!" BLAM! "COUGH!", Rachel gagged. "Uh, Tifa? Are dishwashers supposed to smoke?" But Tifa didn't respond; she was actually laughing to herself.
"Okay, I guess I'll start with Rachel. Wow, this'll be good. How to describe Rachel. . .?", she thought. She once again put her pen down on the paper.
"Rachel is one of the people who live with me, here at my house in Nibelheim. She's 14, 5' 6", brown hair, brown eyes, and as for her personality. . ."
"DIE EVIL DISHWASHER! FEEL THE FURY OF MY BLADE!", Rachel yelled from below.
". . .is interesting to say in the least. . .", she wrote a little nervously. "From what I'm hearing-
"Oops. WHERE'S THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER IN THIS PLACE?!"
"She has no luck with household appliances. . ."
"GGAAAAAAAH! STOP, DROP, ROLL! STOP, DROP, ROLL!"
"And furthermore, she's my LEAST rival over Cloud. If there's such thing as a love rectangle, she's definitely in."
"SAVE ME CLOUD! SAVE ME FROM THE DEMON DISHWASHER!!"
"Huh?", said Cloud from below, now walking in from the outside to see Rachel wrangling with the dishwasher. "HOLD ON!"
"And I guess I should talk about Cloud then, huh? Okay, well there's not much I can say to describe him. Okay, then I guess I should start by saying he's blonde, blue-eyed, 5' 7", and um-
"I SAID HOLD ON! YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!"
"CLOUDY! SAVE ME!"
"He's the other link in the er, love rectangle. Hmmm, normally, he used to not express himself enough with words, but you know, words aren't the only things that tell people what you're thinking. But lately, he's been better about saying how he feels."
"IT BURNS! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH THIS DISHWASHER ANYWAY?!"
"I ONLY SHOT IT UP WITH FIRE!"
"OH SWEET JESUS!"
"And he HAS been more expressive."
"GOD! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! IT'S CLOUD! IT BURNS!"
"AND he's been a little MORE than friendly lately. . .", she said, writing down a little hastily, with a tiny smile on.
"What's goin' on?", asked Aeris, now also walking into the house.
"And then there's Aeris. She's the other part of the love rectangle. She nice and all, and she isn't one to hold a grudge."
"HOLY SHIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DISHWASHER?!"
"And she's my best friend, but I guess it must be weird to say that the one girl that is vying for your love's affection as well is your best friend."
"WHERE'S TIFA?! GOD, HOW DID YOU DO THIS?!"
"Um, I heard the yelling. What's up?", said a solemnly serious voice. Vincent had walked in.
"And Vincent, well, he's a little interesting. . ."
"WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KITCHEN!? WHY ISN'T IT THERE ANYMORE?!"
"He's black hair, red eyed (always thought it was weird), 6", and just lives here in that old mansion. There's not much to say, I guess. He normally doesn't even talk much, and he's not really involved with that whole 'love rectangle' thing. But he can be nice enough, if not a little quiet."
"AAAAAAGHHHH! IT BURNS! A DISHWASHER IS NOT SUPPOSED TO SPEW FIRE!"
"Errrrr, maybe he HAS been a little outspoken lately. . ."
"GAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Vinnie? Is that YOU? Why are you on the floor, smoldering while everyone is stamping out the fire on your cloak? And what happened to the kitchen? Isn't a wall supposed to be there?", said Laura, now also walking over.
"Okay, and there's Laura.", wrote Tifa. "She likes Vincent. She has brown, mid back length hair, brown eyes, and she's 5' 1". I don't know why she likes Vincent, he doesn't really seem to care at all for her. If anything, I'd bet that he'd sooner get rid of her than anything else. She's a little. . .quirky. . ."
"AAHHHHHG! WHY'D YOU SET ME ON FIRE, JACKASS?!", yelled Laura at Cloud, who could be heard whimpering.
"Huh? What's going on, you guys? Having a barbecue in the kitchen?", asked Lucrecia.
"And of course, the brilliant scientist Lucrecia. We're still trying to get her up to speed, because her memories are partially erased, and she and Vincent had this relationship going on before she disappeared."
"NO! DON'T SMOTHER THE FIRE WITH PAPER!", she yelled at Rachel.
"She's obviously a bit ditzier than we expected, but that's to be expected if her mind was wiped. But she's a major contender for Vincent's affections if Laura still likes him. But that's all the people I live with, so I'll get on with my story. Today was just another usual day, well, at least usual enough with everybody here. . ."
"Sigh. . .", mumbled Tifa, walking down drowsily from the staircase. The rule was, that if you're the first up, you have to make breakfast. And normally being the first one, she was the normal cook. "Okay, what do we have. . .?", she asked herself, peering into the fridge and shuffling some stuff around. Even though she had a thing with Cloud, she blew him off last night; it was one of those times where she didn't wish to be bothered. Everything was going crazy, what with all the strange things going on with the new people in the house. Male stripper cops, booze, spying, the Halloween party, and even their arrival was just too much. And now she had to help house them? Crazy.
"YAWN! HI TIFA!", greeted Rachel cheerfully, jumping down the stairs.
"Mmmmph, hi. . .", she muttered. She was up, but she wasn't awake.
"Wow, you're really cheery this morning.", said Rachel. "COME ON! BE HAPPY!", she said with a huge grin. Tifa couldn't believe that a person could be so happy first thing in the morning. At least not until they've had their coffee. Rachel began setting the table, humming a happy tune. It was 5:30. In the morning.
"How can you be so happy, waking up so early?", asked Tifa.
"SUGAR!", said Rachel, holding up a bag of skittles.
"Why do you have SKITTLES?!"
"YUMMY! But if you don't mind me asking, why are you up so early?"
"Tough night. I don't feel so good. . ."
"AW! TELL ME ABOUT IT!", said Rachel, bouncing about, still happy, then going over to Tifa.
"I don't feel like it. . ."
"You NEVER tell me anything! Why not!?"
"In case you haven't noticed, I like Cloud, too. And you like him also. Get it?"
"NOPE! TELL ME!"
"FINE. . .", she grumbled, turning on the stove. "Cloud's being weird. Something about you tying him up and approaching him with a bullwhip?"
"Oh, heheheheh. . .", laughed Rachel nervously. "Nothing. . . Is that all?"
"Of course not. I wouldn't be like this if that were the only thing. First of all, somebody's been going chocobo tipping. . .", said Tifa. Rachel had a nervous grin on. "Next, somebody is blocking the barn door with their CORVETTE. . ." Rachel began sweating. "Then, somebody graffiti's the barn door with 'Tifa sucks', on the side. Any idea who it was?"
"Hehehehehheh. . . Of course not Tifa! Does it look like I would?"
"Yeah."
"AND WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! I DID IT!? OH YEAH, LIKE I WOULD GO CHOCOBO TIPPING AND PARK MY CORVETTE OUT THERE, AND PAINT 'TIFA SUCKS' WITH A 2" HORSEHAIR BRUSH AND SPRAYPAINT!", yelled Rachel.
"How did you know it was 2"? And how would you know? I found it on the barn door, LONG after you fell asleep."
"Uh, I don't know!"
"SUUUURE ya' don't. . .", she said menacingly, strapping on her gloves.
"EEEP!"
"Here you go.", interrupted Cloud by opening the door with Laura being grasped by the collar of her shirt. "You can have her." He pushed her through the door, taking Tifa's mind off what she was doing, much to Rachel's relief.
"What'd she do now?", asked Tifa.
"She was hunting down Vincent and Lucrecia. I TOLD you Laura, Lucrecia is asleep."
"YEAH! WITH MY VINNIE!", shouted Laura.
"In her HOUSE."
"Then why wasn't she there? Huh? HUH?! CAN YOU TELL ME WHY, SPIKE BUTT!?!"
"First of all, DON'T CALL ME THAT! Next of all, I can assure you she's NOT over at Vincent's at 6:00 in the morning, doing who knows what."
"EXACTLY! WHO KNOWS WHAT BRAINWASHING TECHNIQUES SHE'S PERFORMING ON VINNIE! I MUST SAVE HIM! I'M COMING VINNIE!" She began stomping out the door, but Cloud stuck his arm back out and grabbed her collar again.
"I don't think so.", he said. "Tifa, could you take care of her?"
"Why can't you? Cloud?" He was already running away. Far, FAR away. "Darn it. Oh well, that means BOTH of you are doing the dishes. And when Cloud comes back, tell me. He's gonna have HELL to pay!", she said, smacking her fists together.
"Uh, heheheh. . .", laughed Rachel nervously. "Don't bother her.", she whispered to Laura. "She was about to kill me until you came in."
"And I don't think she's about to stop."
"Huh? GAH! NOOOOOOOO. . .!", screamed Rachel in terror, as Tifa dragged Rachel out the door, still in their pajamas, and Tifa left Rachel in the barn with a shovel.
"As your punishment, THIS is your job." She pointed to a pile of chocobo dookie.
"EWW!"
"And Choco had Gyasahl greens last night, and YOU KNOW how gassy it makes her."
"NOOOOOOOO. . .!", moaned Rachel, left to sulk in the barn.
"SHUT IT OFF!" Tifa was broken out of her concentration of writing in her diary, to the sounds of agony coming from the downstairs. "GAAAAAAH!!!" She shrugged however, figuring they would figure it out themselves, and she continued to write.
"Okay! Breakfast Aeris!", said Tifa, removing the covers off of Aeris, who shivered from the sudden cold. She merely ignored Tifa, and stuffed the pillow over her face. "Ignoring me, huh? Not a good choice. . . WAKE UP!" Being as strong as she is, she lifted up the right side of the mattress and rolled Aeris off her bed.
"Okay, okay, I get the point Tifa.", grumbled Aeris, rubbing her eyes.
"Sleeping till 10:00 is not good.", said Tifa. "You'll never get any work done!"
"Work, work, work. That's practically all I EVER see you do. Train and work. How DULL is your life?"
"Oh, it can be pretty good at times. . .", said Tifa, thinking about Cloud.
"What's THAT supposed to mean?"
"NOTHING!", Tifa said nervously. "So move it! Get dressed! Eat breakfast! Mao diddy mao! Diddy mao!", she urged.
Upon arriving downstairs, she saw Rachel loading some dishes into the dishwasher.
"I wouldn't suggest doing that.", said Tifa. "It's broken."
"Are you sure? I'm positive that if I kick it-
"NO! Now sit down, we're eating. Where's Laura?"
"FIXED! The water line was cut off, and I replaced it!", said Laura, coming out of the basement, looking a little dirty with a wrench in her hand.
"LET'S TRY IT!", said Rachel, activating it. "AAAAAHHHHH!" Fire started spewing out of it. "I THINK YOU HOOKED IT UP TO THE GAS AND HEATING LINE!" Tifa ran over, closed the door, and shut it off, looking thoroughly pissed off.
"WHY YOU-
"TIFA! Calm down!", said Aeris, coming down the stairs. "Cool it. It's fine! They tried to fix it! Give them another chance! I mean, at least they cared enough to try and fix it, right?"
"I'm running OUT of second chances, and third chances and FOURTH chances. . .", mumbled Tifa, slowly walking away. "But remember, DO NOT, turn it back on, all right?"
"I won't forget!", said Rachel.
Cloud eventually came back (And received his just desserts, Tifa made sure of it.), Vincent came over, then Lucrecia came.
"YOU!", said Laura, quickly striding up to Lucrecia. "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH VINNIE!?"
"Uh, what? Vincent? I was doing something with him?", asked Lucrecia confusedly.
"DON'T PLAY INNOCENT WITH ME! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOU MAN STEALING LITTLE HARLOT!"
"GET BACK!", said Tifa, pulling Laura back. "Keep calm! She wasn't doing ANYTHING with Vincent! OKAY?!" Laura turned around and pointed a finger at Lucrecia.
"IF YOU DO ANYTHING, I'LL KNOW! I SWEAR I WILL! I WILL BE WATCHING YOU! I- GAK!" Tifa quickly took out a piko mallet and swung deftly at Laura, who slammed to the floor, unconscious.
"GOD! I NEVER thought she'd stop!", said Tifa. "Bacon anyone?" Everyone was looking at her due to the sudden outburst and act of random violence, but what can I say, they love bacon.
"OOH! BACON! I'M IN!", said Vincent gladly. "Er um, I mean, yes I suppose I'll partake in the sharing of this meal and its bacon, thank you.", he said again, in his more refined tone.
"So Tifa, what's the itinerary for today?", asked Lucrecia.
"Nothing much. But it's THAT time of year again. . ."
"Oh sweet Jesus! Not THAT!", shouted Cloud, despite his mouthful of bacon.
"What?", asked Rachel.
"Have you ever wondered what our REAL jobs are?", asked Tifa.
"You fight monsters and save the world. What's to know?"
"First of all, that's not all we do. We actually WORK for a source of income. Slaying monsters do not pay all the bills. Only the cable bill."
"So what do you actually DO?"
"Well, Cloud and I normally participate in chocobo races, rodeos, and sometimes tournaments at the Gold Saucer.", she said. "But that's not all. We also do some odd jobs, sometimes I'm an instructor at a martial arts school, and Cloud is sometimes a teaching assistant at a school."
"Him? A teacher?"
"Yeah, believe it or not. He can teach about materia and stuff. Oh, and Vincent sometimes works as a hired gun. But we don't normally do this stuff."
"Why not? Sounds interesting.", said Lucrecia.
"Paperwork." She pulled out a HUGE pile of papers, for resumes and stuff like that. "Look like fun now?"
"Good point.", said Rachel.
"Hmmmm, okay, let's see here. . .", said Tifa, writing down some stuff for a job. She was filling out a resume, and was filling in all the questions. "Name: Tifa Lockheart. Age: 20. Sex : often. . ."
"HI TIFA!", said Rachel happily, finished cleaning up in the stables, but her outburst hadn't broken Tifa's concentration.
"Birth date: May 3. Blood type: B. Current living location: Nibelheim. Previous occupation(s): Bar hostess, heroine, and savior of the planet. . ."
"Hello? Tifa?", asked Rachel, wondering why she wasn't paying attention. "TIFA!"
"Huh, what, what?" She was just broken out of it. "Oh good, it's you. Look, I need you to help out around here, so I need you to get a job. Fill out this form."
"A job? OOOH! CAN I BE A TURK?!", asked Rachel.
"No."
"Darn. . . AVALANCHE?"
"Definitely NOT."
"Sigh. . . SOLDIER?"
"NO! Fill it out already." Rachel took a seat, and began answering the questions.
"Name: Rachel Distler. Age:14. Sex: Yes please. . ." Cloud walked in, and before he could sneak past Tifa, she shoved paperwork into his arms.
"Awww!" He sat down next to Tifa. "Name: Cloud Strife. Age: 21. Sex: Right now? Birth date: August 19. Blood type: AB. Current living location: Nibelheim. Previous occupation(s): SOLDIER first class-
"Cloud, you weren't really a SOLDIER, remember?", asked Rachel.
"Right. . . Shinra soldier, main hero, mercenary. . ."
Lucrecia, Vincent, and Laura, holding onto him of course, walked in to get their papers. They all sat down once they received them.
"Name: Vincent Valentine. Age: 28 (turned that last month). Sex: My coffin, or yours? Birth date: October 13. Blood type: A. Current living location: Nibelheim. Previous occupation(s): Turk, hero, and all around gunslinger. . ."
"Name: Kaiulani Cruz (Nickname: Laura. How they got Laura from Kaiulani, because nobody pronounces it right). Age:17. Sex: With Vinnie? Of course! Birth date: September 15. Blood type: O. Current living location: Nibelheim. Previous occupation(s): Occupation? Does that mean what I've occupied? Well then, a car seat, a theater seat, a classroom chair, a bus seat, a bleachers seat, a toilet seat. . ."
"Name: Lucrecia (My last name? Don't remember. . .) Age: 25. Sex: I don't remember what that means. . . huh? Oh, female. Birth date: What do you know, I don't remember that either! Blood type: Nope, don't remember. Current living location: OH! I KNOW THIS ONE! NIBELHEIM! Previous occupation(s): Esteemed scientist, mother of Sephiroth but don't quite remember him. . ."
"What's going on?" Aeris finally came down from the upstairs.
"Paperwork.", said Tifa, getting up from her seat because she was finished, and the others were finishing up, too.
"Sigh. . .okay. . ." She sat down, took a pen, and started writing. "Name: Aeris Gainsborough. Age: 22. Sex: With me? Um, I don't know. . . Birth date: February 7. Blood type: O. Current living location: Nibelheim. Previous occupation(s): Flower merchant, heroine (or damsel in distress, take your pick) , and does Cetra count?. . ."
"And I STILL have paperwork. . .", wrote down Tifa in her diary. The screams from below were almost unbearable. So she finally stood up, and walked downstairs, to see her kitchen missing a wall, will burned marks everywhere, they were all panicking, and the dishwasher was still spewing fire. "Don't you know anything?!" She put on her gloves, and raise her right hand, and cast Ice3 on the dishwasher, and everything was out.
"Oh. Never thought of that. . .", said Rachel. THWACK! She received a punch to the nose.
"THINK NEXT TIME!", yelled Tifa. "And the rest of you, fix this!" She pointed to the burned ruins of her kitchen. She stomped back up the stairs, and sat back down.
"Okay, diary, I'm back. They burned down my kitchen. . . THAT'S gonna raise the insurance premiums. . . Anyway, back to my story. So I walk to the stables. . ."
"Okay, Choco, are you ready to go?", Tifa asked, as she walked in.
"AWWWW! WHO'S A GOOD BOY?! WHO'S A GOOD BOY?! YES, YOU!" Rachel was talking in baby talk to Nightwind, her favorite black chocobo, and he was getting patted on the head. She turned and saw Tifa saddling up Choco. "And where are YOU going?"
"To turn in some of these resumes.", said Tifa. "See you in a while, and PLEASE remember, NOT to turn on the dishwasher."
"I won't, I won't. . ."
"Won't what?"
"Remember."
"Sigh. Just don't turn it on. I'll be back in time for dinner."
"But I can't cook! I can only bake stuff!", said Rachel.
"Then bake something, I'm too busy right now." She departed, riding toward Wutai, to the martial arts dojo there. Choco sped over the water, (Wonder how they do that. . .?) to the feudal village, and walked in.
"Hi Godo!" He was the master of the dojo, and would normally hire around this time of year.
"I see you have a resume.", he said with a smile. "But you realize you didn't need to do that. I already know who you are."
"Yeah, but it's more formal this way. Where's Yuffie?"
"On the top floor of the pagoda, WHERE SHE BELONGS!"
"HI TIFA!" Yuffie dropped down from above.
"YUFFIE! WHY ARE YOU HERE!?"
"To help run the dojo, of course. Remember, it was your idea that if I wanted to get out, it should be for something helpful?"
"She's got you there, Godo.", said Tifa.
"Right. . . Here, I'll introduce you to your students. . ." Godo and Yuffie, who were already in the martial arts school's uniform, handed her one, and walked to the do jang to introduce her.
"STUDENTS!", bellowed Godo. They snapped to attention, and ran in to their lines by rank, standing up straight. "This is your new teacher! Introduce yourself.", he instructed Tifa.
"Er, okay. Um, hi, I'm Tifa, and I'm going to be your new instructor." They all were still silent and straight. "Wow Godo, you have a lot of morale here. . ."
"Yes, they listen to me, UNLIKE a certain daughter of mine. . ."
"WHAT?! I haven't' done ANYTHING! At least not yet!"
"Dismissed!", commanded Godo, and the students and all three of them bowed, including Tifa, and when she bowed, she could tell that many of the male students were peering down her shirt.
"Grrr. . .", she grumbled. She took in what she saw from the students, who were now training outside, and they were sparring in a ring. There were two skilled fighters in there, and she watched in amusement, until Yuffie walked up.
"Want to get in there? I know how much you like to train. . .", she said.
"Are you sure? I don't want anybody to get hurt."
"They'll be fine! Some of them were trained PERSONALLY by me! See that one over there?" She pointed to the one that was ducking a blow. "That one is my best student. I'll introduce you to him. HEY! SHIRO!" The young man with black hair gave a time out signal, and walked over to the ring ropes.
"Yes Miss Kisaragi?", he asked.
"This is Tifa. Mind if she spars you?"
"I dunno. . .", he said with a grin. "Is she any good?"
"Better than me. Remember, I train students in weapons classes, while Tifa here will be taking care of the hand-to-hand unit."
"Why not, I'd like some sport.", he said.
"Okay Tifa, you have an opponent! Are you gonna wear that, fighting in front of a bunch of guys?" She pointed at Tifa, who was of course wearing her small white shirt and black miniskirt.
"What? I'm perfectly comfortable fighting in this!" Yuffie then pointed to the bunch of young men staring intently at her chest. "On second thought, I'll put on the uniform. . ." She returned, wearing the uniform and a black, which nobody took any notice to see the seven stripes on, signifying she was a seventh degree black belt, meaning she was a grand master. She took off her boots, walking into the ring with her bare feet, took the materia off her gloves, made sure they were on correctly, and took her stance.
"No helmet?", asked Yuffie. "Or mouth guard even?"
"Don't need one.", said Tifa with a dignified smile.
"Don't need one either.", said Shiro, finishing up with taping up his knuckles, to give the same impact that Tifa would with her gloves. "Ready?"
"As I'll ever be.", Tifa replied. Yuffie walked in to the middle, between the fighters, and pulled out a fan, and held it in between them. "Standard rules. Stick to your own style of combat, just no foul play. Only clean fighting, got it? GO!"
She removed the fan between them, and they both circled the ring, glaring into each others' eyes. Cherry blossom petals blew off the trees and swirled in between them, and in a flurry of them, Shiro was gone. Tifa already knew where he was; right behind her.
She spun around, and blocked the kick that was aimed for her face.
"But how? That was a new move!", he said, beginning to understand his adversary's skills.
"Your right leg hesitated, and I already knew you were going to go somewhere.", she said. She punched, and he blocked too, but due to the force of it, he might as well of just stood there.
"GAAAH!", he yelled. "And as for knowing I'd be behind you?!"
"Oldest trick in the BOOK!" She hurled another blow, at full force, but this time, it only grazed his shoulder, but it still hurt, because it was so hard, it tore his sleeve.
"Ooooooh!", said the crowd in unison.
"I'm not done yet!" He sidestepped, and let a flurry of kicks hit her, and she could only X-block it.
"AAAAHHHH!" His kicks eventually hit past her arms, and struck her face, giving her a bleeding lip.
"Not bad. . .", she said, wiping off a little blood. "But I've trained under Master Zangan and. . ." She slipped behind him in a sidestep too fast to notice. "I WON'T LOSE THAT EASILY!" She took his arm, twisted it, hitched it over her shoulder, and flung him across the ring. His body made an audible "THUD!" on the mat, and he tried to stand up. Tifa allowed him to do so, giving him leniency, and he grasped his left arm in pain, but still had a smile on.
"It's been a while since I've had a challenge. . .", he said. "This'll be fun."
"Yuffie! What's going on?", asked Godo, running up to her.
"Just watch!", she said with great enthusiasm.
"I wonder what Tifa's doing. I NEVER get to leave this place. . .", moaned Rachel. "Oh well, I'm sure she's just as bored and tired as I am.
"AAAAHHH!" Tifa was hit square in the jaw with his back fist.
"Don't take me lightly! I may be only 16, but it doesn't make you any better! GYAAAH!" He started another flurry, but this time it was in punches to her gut. He moved quickly; she couldn't react. And she sat weakly on the ground, and he stood up tall, with a smug grin, while the crowd cheered wildly, "SHIRO! SHIRO! SHIRO!"
"SHIRO! SPECIAL MOVE!", cheered one of the girls in the crowd.
"YOU GOT IT!" He picked up Tifa by the scruff of her collar, her lip still bleeding, and he began punching her, then actually picked her up and hurled her. "Ready to give up now?", he asked. "Admit it, girls can't fight!" She leered up at him, with angry sparks in her eyes, her gaze like daggers.
"I'VE GONE TOO LIGHTLY, AND YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!", she yelled. "I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL ANYBODY, BUT NOW IT'S PERSONAL! LIMIT!"
"Oooooh Crap-OLA!", said Yuffie. "And too bad for him, limit breaks aren't against the rules! MEDIC!"
"Huh?" She immediately stood up in her stance, and charged.
"BEAT RUSH!"
A hard shower of punches pelted him, and limit after limit, hitting all of them, from Dolphin kick, to Meteodrive, and STILL even to Final Heaven, she hit him with all she had in her. And when the dust settled from the ring, and all fell silent, a figure stood in the center, breathing heavily. "Whoops. I think I went too hard. I tore a sleeve. . .", said Tifa, the figure in the ring.
"LOOK AT HIM!", pointed one of the students. He sat in a bloody heap on the ground, and he was hit so hard, his shirt was torn off.
"Tifa, are you sure you didn't go too hard on him?", asked Yuffie, while the medics put him on the stretcher.
"You heard what he said Yuffie!", said Tifa. "I can't STAND men like that!"
"I know, and I took offense too, but still, you broke twenty of his bones, three of his ribs, and gave him a concussion that's going to lead to delirium! AND YOU EVEN TORE YOUR OWN SLEEVE JUST PUNCHING HIM!"
"Sorry. . . Do you think Godo's gonna hire me now?", asked Tifa.
"I doubt it. . ."
"Well, there's still one thing I need to tell you, Yuffie."
"What?"
"I could have already told he's your student."
"And how?"
"He's fast, and he insults too much. So much like you."
Tifa walked up nervously to Godo, figuring she had already lost the job.
"Sorry, Godo. . ." He looked down on her, with a look of anger.
"HIRED!", he said with a big grin.
"WHAT?!"
"That boy needed a lesson.", he said. "ESPECIALLY if he had any influence from my daughter here."
"HEY!", yelled Yuffie.
Tifa had left, the other students made sure they crowded out of her way, and she rode back to Nibelheim.
"ANYBODY-!" She was cut off. Rachel was cooking. Actually COOKING.
"HI TIFA!", greeted Laura, helping her.
"Um, I wasn't serious when you said you had to cook.", said Tifa with a sweat mark.
"Wait, WHAT?!", shouted Rachel. "I LEARN HOW TO COOK PROPERLY, AND YOU AREN'T SERIOUS!"
"Just get the dishes done.", said Tifa, walking up the stairs.
"HEY!", called Rachel after her. Tifa paused from ascending the staircase. "Look.", she said, pointing to her mouth, "If you don't want this to happen to your face, LAY OFF!"
"Okay, okay, JESUS!"
"And DO NOT USE THE DISHWASHER!"
"I GOT IT!"
Tifa was finishing up her diary entry, and signed it in a fanciful signature, and sighed happily, that she got her thoughts out before she could head to bed. She closed it, and lock it, and before she could stand up, Cloud opened her door.
"Er, sorry the kitchen burned down.", he apologized. She only mumbled angrily in reply. "Um, and that a wall is missing." She growled again. "And it was partially my fault everybody has third degree burns and I don't." She shot him an angry look over her shoulder, but he really didn't notice. She was getting really put off today, and this wasn't helping. "But maybe I can help you ease your temper. . .heheh. . ." He was about to grab her bum, but her hand flew back and grabbed his wrist.
"NOT NOW!", she yelled.
"Aw, but I know girls aren't as good at fighting as men are!", he said. Her anger flared up again, and she held his wrist more tightly, until the color was drained out of it. "Was it something I said? AAAAHHHHHH!" She became so angry, she flung him out the window.
"Good night, Cloud Strife.", she said, turning off her lamp, and moving under her covers.
"O-owwwwwww. . ."
A/N: HIYA PEOPLES! Yes, this is I, the great and godly A. Nonymous III esq. here. Sorry, it took so long to post; I haven't had a very open week. And if this wasn't as funny as you'd hoped, I have been reading a lot of serious fics, as well as having to write poems for a project at school. I've also had time though to practice drawing, and I have a new one again of Vincent. I might send it out to you, I don't know. I just don't think it's up to par. . . But anyhoo, I suppose it's pointless to say, I am STILL (and will be always) accepting more resumes, and I am now writing another story! An original, not a fic, but I DO have another fic idea. Wow, this A/N is getting LOOONG! UPDATE COMING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Oh, and before I go, I STRESS I have permission from everybody I mentioned for the resume filling out part of the fic; I don't want this taken off for more infringements! SAYONARA!