Chapter 17: Dreams and Delusions
A/N: I HATE NOOOOTES! CAN'T PEOPLE JUST REMEMBER THEM FROM PAST CHAPTERS?! Oy. . .FF7 is owned by Squaresoft, and LadyTifa26 owns Laura. Yay. We're done.
Being in the blustery months of November and December, filled with the chilled air that freezes most anything, people are prone to, well, get sick. And our characters are no exception! Here, in the little mountain town of Nibelheim, a bit of an epidemic has swept through! And Aeris and Lucrecia seem to be the only ones okay, because Lucrecia made a vaccine and took it, and Aeris is well, Aeris. She's a Cetra. With healing power. Need I say more?
"Just rest easy, okay?", said Aeris to Rachel, tucked into a bed with an unhealthy blush.
"Pudding pie!", shouted Rachel. This was no ordinary flu. This was the kind that would give you a 105 degree temperature. Ouch.
"She's becoming delusional. . .", said Aeris to Lucrecia. "How are the others?" While visiting and stuff, the rest of the crew became sick, and are now under Aeris' and Lucrecia's care.
"Not much better.", said Lucrecia. "In fact, about the same. I'm developing a cure as we speak."
"Good.", said Aeris. "Let her sleep."
In Rachel's delusion.
"WHOA! PUDDING!", exclaimed Rachel, in a room full of it.
"And it's all yours!", said a Cloud, popping up next to her, shirtless with a bow tie, and otherwise dressed like a waiter.
"Cloudy? And pudding? WHAT COULD BE BETTER?!"
"How about more Clouds?" More Clouds showed up.
"WOOHOO!"
"What's. . .going on?", asked Laura in her delusion.
"She's not doing well. . .", said Aeris, now checking up on her, who was taking up Aeris' bed.
"How's Tifa?", asked Lucrecia.
"Not much better. She's in her room. Check her please.", requested Aeris.
"Where is everybody?", mumbled Tifa with her eyes closed. "Empty. . . Gone. . ."
"Oh sweet Jesus. Aeris, I need to make that cure NOW. I'll have to leave you here.", said Lucrecia.
"OKAY! JUST HURRY!"
"Vinnie? What's going on?", asked Laura in her delusion.
"Why, our wedding, my darling.", he said in a suave tone.
"REALLY?!", she shouted. "I mean, of course! All of a sudden, she was wearing an elegant wedding dress, and he was in a fancy tuxedo. "WOOHOO! WEDDING!"
"Yes, my love.", said Vincent. "And it's on the balcony of that castle we are to live in, overlooking the sea, with a white sand beach, where we shall live happily ever after."
"COOLNESS!"
"Hello?", called Tifa, in the middle of her dream. "HELLO?! Is anybody here?" She was standing in the middle of a black room with no walls. "Am I stuck in the Lifestream AGAIN?!"
"Tifa.", said a lifeless voice. And to her horror, she turned around, and saw Zack.
"WHOA! What the hell are you doing here? Am I dead?", she shrieked.
"No.", he said in the same voice. "You know why I'm here."
"I'm going to be dead, right?"
"Not exactly."
"Okay, that ONE night alone with you doe-
"No. That's not it either."
"Oh. Good."
"WHHEEEEEEE!" In Vincent's dream, he was riding a mechanical pony, and he was squealing like a giddy school girl. Until it stopped. Then, he reached for another quarter, but it slipped and fell down a drain. It was the last quarter. "NOOOOOOOOO!", he screamed, and then just sat there.
"YES! THIS IS IT!", shouted Yuffie, on top of a diving board. "GERONIMO!" She performed aerial tricks in her dive, and fell into a pool full of. . .materia. "AND THERE'S NO GODO!" She began doing a breaststroke through the materia. "AND I WILL RULE RHE WORLD! Oh, and, um, Wutai, too. HA, HA!" Just to say, while Yuffie was visiting, she caught the bug as well.
"Cloud. . .", said Aeris, almost sadly, putting some ice on his forehead. "You're not getting any better. And are you LIKING it?"
"Oh yeah, that's good.", he said with a delirious smile. "Oh yeah, baby."
In Cloud's dream.
"Uh, huh! You know that tickles!" He was playing with a pack of dogs who were licking him, and the other members of AVALANCHE were playing with dogs, too.
"Cloud. . .", sighed Aeris. She knelt over, kissed him on the forehead, and walked off to check on everyone else.
"THIS IS MY KIND OF DELUSION!", said Rachel, being fed pudding by one of the shirtless Clouds. A shirtless Vincent was rubbing her feet, and Sephiroth was massaging her back, while the other Clouds paid homage to her by bowing up and down before her.
"My lady!", said one of the Clouds, walking forth. "We have come to give you a gift! And being in the presence of your greatness, and that your almighty omnipotence reigns over all, it was difficult to find something you would like! Here!" He genuflected, and offered up Chobits No.2 on a velvet tassel pillow.
"I LOVE DELUSIONS!"
"Oh well, I lost the quarter.", said Vincent, stepping off the pony. "Is anybody else here?" He was standing in a blank white room, with no sign of anybody. POINK! He was transported to a hill, with a tree, overlooking a lush green field, with no monsters in sight. "What the hell?"
"Okay, that's enough. . .", said Cloud, walking away from the dogs.
"Where are you going, Cloud?", asked Aeris.
"Oh, I dunno. Somewhere."
"I'll come, too!"
"Me, too!", said Tifa, stepping up.
"Um, okay. . ."
"You may now kiss the bride!", said the priest in Laura's dream. Laura smiled and kissed him. Almost.
"Lord Vincent!", said Cloud, running up to him in chain mail and armor. "The war has gotten worse! We are in need of a brave knight like yourself!"
"But Sir Cloud, you yourself are a knight, and I am married now!"
"But your country needs you!" Laura was just watching them.
"Um, what's going on, Vincent?", asked Laura.
"The war has gotten worse. They need me. I will return my love!", he said running off, hopping onto a white horse, and pulled out a gleaming sword, and rode off. Laura just stood there with her mouth open.
"DON'T EXPECT TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER, AFTER PULLING THIS STUNT!", she called angrily. He looked back, and threw her a blood red rose that landed at her feet. "Or not. That was pretty.", said Laura, picking up the rose. "MAYBE NOT!", she back. He took one look back and flashed a smile of perfect, white teeth. "OKAY! NOW WE'RE DEFINITELY GONNA LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!"
"So Tifa.", said Zack, with empty blue eyes. "Where is Aeris?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know?", said Tifa. "You're the only person I've seen here."
"And I guess I shall never see her again."
"And why not? If I'm guessing correctly, this is a hallucination. I can just think of her, and POOF! She's here. Wait. Why ARE you here?"
"I need to see Aeris. You need to talk to her."
"And WHY?! That's what I've been asking!"
"Because I love YOU, Tifa!"
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Before Tifa could say anything else, Zack was swiftly making out with her.
"Tifa?" Cloud was behind her. Watching. "What are you doing?"
"Cloud. . .", mumbled Tifa, in the waking world, so Aeris could hear.
"How did I know she would say that?", said Aeris, sighing, and giving Tifa some medication, and applying Cure, which cooled her fever a little. "Get better. I need all the help I can get."
"OH YEAAAAHH!", said Rachel, being lifted up by all the shirtless men in her dream. "I'M LIKIN' THIS!" They put her on to an altar, and genuflected again.
"MY LADY!", the all said. "THIS IS IN HONOR OF THE GODDESS OF BEAUTY! PLEASE UNDERSTAND!"
"Wait. Goddess of beauty?", said Rachel.
"YOU ARE THE ONLY THING WORTHY TO GIVE HERE IN HER NAME!"
"And what IS her name?"
"TIFA!"
"And let me guess. I'm the sacrifice?"
"YOU ARE CORRECT! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, AND INTELLIGENT, MY LADY!"
"So, I'm gonna be set on fire, to be her sacrifice, AND not only is it gonna be painful, I'll be dead. Right?"
"CORRECT!"
"Aw, shit."
"Where am I?", asked Vincent.
"With me!" Laura popped up next to him.
"AH! DEMON CHILD! REMOVE YOURSELF FROM MY PRESENCE!", he ordered.
"Oh, Vinnie-poo.", she cooed. "You know why we're here!"
"We're not married, are we?", he asked, with dread.
"No Vinnie, we're not.", she said gently, hugging him.
"PHEW!"
"WE'RE SECRET LOVERS!"
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!", he shouted to the sky.
"YES MY MINIONS!", shouted Yuffie, to her army, in a tank, wearing armor studded in materia. "WE ARE TO CONQUER THE WORLD!"
"Empress Yuffie!", said one soldier, running up next to the tank. "We have news! Midgar had fallen, Empress Yuffie! Only one power is left to stop us!"
"And that is, MAJOR Miyozaki?", said Yuffie with a wide smile. The soldier at his heightened rank smiled and said, "The armies of Evil General Rachel!"
"Wait. WHAT?!"
"Ahhhhhh. . !", mumbled Vincent, with Aeris in the room. She looked at him awkwardly.
"I know the medicine I gave you tasted like crap, but you don't have to yell at me about it.", she said. She walked to the next room. "Okay Laura, how are you holding up?"
"I will. . .find you. . .Vinnie. . .", she muttered.
"Figures. . ."
"CLOUD!", said Tifa in surprise, breaking off the lip attack from Zack.
"Cloud. . .!", mumbled Tifa. Aeris overheard, and walked in.
"Tifa, what's going on?", asked Cloud.
"It wasn't what you think!"
"You mean you WEREN'T just having a friendly talk with him like I thought, and you were making out with him, like my last notion?"
"Um!"
"And did our relationship mean nothing?!"
"What relationship? I wanted one Cloud, but you reduced it to sex every other night!", shouted Tifa.
"Cloud. . .sex every other night. . .", mumbled Tifa. Aeris, hearing this, lifted her eyebrows.
"And now I now what game you're playing, Cloud Strife.", said Aeris, with a serious look on her face, and biting on her lip.
"And what about everything else?", said Cloud.
"What do you mean? The occasional slap on the butt? Cloud, there IS nothing else!", said Tifa, almost trying to spell it out for him. "This is what we have been reduced to! Get it! AND I WASN'T MAKING OUT WITH ZACK! I DON'T EVN KNOW WHY THE HELL HE'S HERE! WHERE ARE WE ANYWAY?!"
"We are in, the Twilight Zone.", said Zack. Cloud and Tifa looked at him. "Er, okay, maybe not. I'll go now." Zack walked off.
"Odd.", said Tifa.
"I WILL FIND YOU VINCENT!", called Laura, dressed in full armor, throwing a dagger into a soldier's heart in the middle of the battlefield, where she was madly searching for Vincent. "Now, where would I find him?", she asked almost cluelessly, hitting a guy in the face with her staff without even looking. "Where?" She was walking and thinking aloud through the battle, slaying the occasional person, while people burned things and killed stuff. "Where?"
"LAURA!" Vincent was on his white horse, and he hoisted her on behind him. He rode to the edge of the battlefield, and they jumped off. "Laura, what are you doing here?"
"Looking for you, duh!", said Laura.
"And now we are here together!", he declared. "Let me show you my gratitude, as well as my burning love!" They kissed. Almost. "GAK!" An enemy soldier stabbed Vincent in the back, and Vincent fell.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!", screamed Laura, turning red. The soldier saw Laura's look of anger, and his terror-stricken eyes widened, and he began to run. "COME BACK HERE! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"
"Um, Laura?", said Vincent. "I have Cure materia. Laura?" Laura was busy kicking the guy in the face, and didn't stop until the soldier's face was thoroughly beaten in.
"AND TAKE THIS! YEAH! ARE YOU GOOD NOW?! ARE YA!? HUH?! I CAN'T HERE YOU!"
"LAURA!", said Vincent, calming her down. "I'm fine! Plus, I think he's dead now." Laura spit on the guy's dead body.
"He better be.", she said, sticking out her tongue.
"Now! Back to the kiss!", he declared. And NOW they kissed. Almost.
"Laura?" Lucrecia was shaking her awake. "You're cured! Don't you feel better now?"
"NO! I CAN'T BE WELL! I DIDN'T GET MY HAPPY ENDING YET! CLOUD, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR SORRY ASS!"
"Oh dear sweet Jesus.", said Rachel, tied up to a stake they were putting gasoline on.
"Lithos!", they chanted. "Lusec! Wecos! Vinosec!"
"WRONG VIDEOGAME!", shouted Rachel.
"Oh right. Sorry.", the said.
"Think Rachel! This is your hallucination. Who's gonna save your hide? Vincent is out, Sephiroth is out, and Cloud is out. And Tifa is the maniacal goddess of beauty, but as if I would want her to save me anyway. Who do you love next in line?"
"BRING IN THE TORCH RUNNER!", called a Cloud. A shirtless Sephiroth ran in, carrying a torch, waiting to light Rachel. Until a. . .chocobo ran in?
"MR. WARKSTER! COME TO MY AID!", cried Rachel. All the Clouds, Vincents, and Sephiroths, fell in exasperation.
"DIH!"
"MY SECRET LOVER?!", cried Vincent. "WHAT CRUEL WORLD IS THIS!"
"Yours!", said Laura.
"Wait. WHAT?! Then why has all this happened? All these bad things?!"
"Everybody's world is a deeper display of themselves.", said Laura. "In other words, it shows somewhat of an inner self, while not making sense."
"If you're my secret lover, of COURSE it doesn't make sense."
"No, the pony thing was what didn't make sense. This is a message of something deep within yourself."
"That not only am I crazy, but desperate in the dating world?", said Vincent.
"NO! I'm a figure of your imagination, because, well, you're having delusions, and me and you are supposed to represent something."
"What two different people are like, and we're the comparison?"
"NO! You'll figure it out. Just think of it. You can be dramatic. I can be dramatic. I like you. You had crazy thoughts that you liked me on Halloween."
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?!", he cried.
"I'm part of your mind. I'm not really Laura."
"Oh."
"Are you getting it?"
"No."
"Sigh. Figure it out on your own time. SEE YA!"
"WHAT?!" The world was fading out. "Well, at least I'll die before I figure out why the hell I was her secret lover. Ewww. . ."
"OKAY VINCENT!", said Aeris, and Lucrecia was taking a needle out of him, with the inoculation. "YOU'RE BETTER!"
"Nice to see you again!", said Lucrecia. "I'll go and see the rest."
"I could tell you were having delusions. The rest are, too. What were you thinking?", asked Aeris.
"The worst thing I could ever imagine just happened to me.", he said. "And it wasn't the dream. I get it now. My stupid inner self just told me the ONE thing I never wanted to happen. Excuse me while I shoot myself.", he said, picking up a revolver and setting it to his head.
"WHOA THERE! What did you realize?", asked Aeris.
"I like Laura. Now shoot me.", he said, putting the gun in Aeris' hand. "SHOOT ME NOW! Just don't tell Laura." Aeris just blinked and looked back at him, then rested a hand on his shoulder.
"May God have mercy on your soul."
"I'M NOT LISTENING!", said Tifa, holding a hand up to Cloud. "YOU are the world's biggest man slut!", she said. "I want a REAL relationship, and YOU want sex!"
"WHAT MAN DOESN'T?!"
"But THEY can handle a relationship! YOU can't! And YOU are probably the primary reason why I'm all tensed up! YOU are making me miserable! And while we're not in the real world, I know how I can settle all this aggression!"
"Is it going to be painful?", he asked in a small voice.
"VERY.", she said with a malicious smile. "HOLD STILL!"
"YEEEEEEK!", Cloud screamed like a three year old girl on helium.
"Tifa?" Lucrecia was standing above her. "Who's ass are you going to kick? It sounded like you were angry."
"Huh?", said Tifa, sitting up. "NOW I KNOW WHY I'VE BEEN SO ANGRY LATELY! LET ME AT HIM!"
"Whoa! You're still a little woozy! Get some rest! Kick his um, ass in the morning."
"Fine. . ."
"What? Now where am I?", asked Cloud. Tifa was standing frozen behind him, her eye were completely still. Aeris was praying on a familiar altar. He was confronted with it again. Her death. "Aw shoot. Not again!", he said. But this time, there was another Cloud. This was just a memory." He saw himself walk forward and pause, then lift his sword. "NO YOU BUFFOON!", he yelled. "SHE'S GONNA DIE!" but nobody could hear him. Nobody could see him. Aeris looked up. Her eyes with hope instilled within them. And she was stabbed.
"NO!", he yelled. The world began to fade, and he could see Sephiroth's sword sticking through her. She couldn't even fall to the ground. She hung suspended from his sword, like a lifeless puppet. "NO!"
"Aeris. . .", he muttered in his sleep. Aeris was sitting at his bedside, waiting for Lucrecia to come. "I love you." He head turned, and once again, had this expression that he was acting weird. But she smiled nevertheless.
"I love you, too. Just get better. Lucrecia!", she called. Lucrecia came running down with a needle in hand.
"I'm coming, I'm coming. Here.", she stuck him with the needle, and right after she injected him, he jumped up screaming.
"AHHHH! NEEDLE! GET IT OUT!" The needle was still stuck in his arm. "GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT ,GET IT OUUUUUTTT!", she screeched.
"HOLD ON!" Lucrecia took it out.
"I hate needles.", he said, rubbing his arm. Lucrecia went upstairs again.
"YES MR. WARKSTER! THAT'S RIGHT! JUST WORK AT IT!" Mr. Warkster was pecking away at the ropes and freed Rachel. Rachel hopped on him, and began a daring escape from um, wherever she was.
"GET HER!", cried the torch runner.
"THIS IS ONE FREAKY DREAM!", shouted Rachel, watching the hordes of shirtless bishonen try and catch her. But the speed of the gold chocobo was too much.
"YESSSSSSSS!", cried Rachel, hopping out of the bed, almost hitting Lucrecia.
"AHH! Hold on child!", said Lucrecia.
"Huh? Mr. Warkster?", said Rachel, looking around.
"He's right there.", said Lucrecia. Rachel was gripping the plushie in her arms.
"Oh."
"YOU ARE GOING DOWN, EVIL GENERAL RACHEL!", yelled Yuffie from her tank. Rachel had this near insane look on her face, standing there silently with her drawn katana at her side, while Yuffie was charging forward in her tank. "FINE! IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO MOVE, I WILL RUN YOU DOWN! WHY AM I YELLLING!?"
The tank was 3 feet away. Rachel did not move. Instead she raised her katana, and gave an evil smile.
"BARRIER!", she yelled, and a clear barrier sprang up to block the tank.
"DE-BARRIER!", shouted Yuffie, to remove the barrier. It worked, but the barrier was just a diversion. Rachel had jumped up, and her katana was inches away from slicing off Yuffie's head.
"LIEDERHOSEN!", yelled Yuffie, waking up. "DARN! I died! I didn't even conquer the world!"
"What?", asked Lucrecia, putting away the needles to throw out. "Conquer the world?"
"Uh, heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!", laughed Yuffie nervously. "NOTHING!"
"I was worried, you know.", said Aeris.
"I figured.", shrugged Cloud.
"Cocky as ever.", she sighed.
"Cocky? What else could I ever be?"
"Idiot. Moron. Pervert. Man slut. Those come to mind.", said Aeris.
"And what? That's what I am. That's what I do. I don't do anything out of the ordinary. Other than save the world."
"First of all, technically, I saved the world. Next of all, you were talking in your sleep, Cloud.", said Aeris, sitting on the couch.
"Wha? Um did I say anything. . .important?", he asked. She thought for a moment.
"No. Nothing.", she sighed. "Nothing." Tifa's voice came from upstairs.
"CLOUD STRIFE! YOU ARE DEAD!"
Laura: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU SMOKING WHEN YOU WROTE THIS?!
AN3: Sorry. Insomnia drove me to insane measures. But the purpose of this episode was to show inner feelings of the characters, and being in my half conscious state, this is what came out. I apologize if any IQ is missing.
Sadie: MY BRAIN IS FRAGGED!
Meagan: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!
AN3: Yeah. . . Sorry. I'll try harder next time.
Rachel: YOU BETTER!
Tifa: kicking Cloud's ass
AN3: sweats