Chapter 18: A Cinderella Story, Auditions
A/N: For all of you new guys, I'd just like to say that the first time this was done, the notes probably made either more or less sense. Next of all, the other characters in this all include ones made by reviewers and such, and since this was an unofficial episode for them to appear, they must ALL be forgotten that they existed, until they get they're own, special introduction. Squaresoft owns all FF7 sources, and LadyTifa26 owns Laura.
"HEY GUYS! IT WORKED!", shouted Rachel, sitting at Tifa's dinner table.
"What?", asked Tifa. "Are you experimenting with the chocobos and different types of nuts, AGAIN?! I told you, they are not aphrodisiacs!"
"Well, first of all, Mike looked pretty happy to see Nightwind, and next of all, that's not it. I wrote a play!", said Rachel with a happy smile.
"A play?", asked Aeris. "What kind of play? Who'll be starring in it?"
"It's actually a rewrite of Cinderella, and I think it was accepted, because all of YOU will be playing in it!"
"WHAT?!", exclaimed Aeris and Tifa in unison.
"Yep! When I told them that the saviors of the planet would be the actors, he seemed pretty eager!"
"Maybe because he wants the saviors of the planet to make fools of themselves.", said Tifa, taking a sip from her coffee mug. "Where is the play being held?"
"Okay, well, you know where Loveless used to play? In that theater in Midgar? It's there."
"Oh dear. . .", said Aeris, "I forgot something. . ."
"What?", asked Rachel.
"My mom lives there. I forgot to tell her I'm alive again. . ."
"I wouldn't recommend telling her.", said Tifa. "She might have a coronary if she sees you."
"Yeah, Aeris, I wouldn't sweat about it. Come on, we'll tell everybody else."
"REALLY?!", squealed Laura when Rachel told her. "COOLNESS! Who's playing Cinderella?"
"I can't quite tell you. . .", said Rachel with a nervous smile. "And where's Vincent?"
"I'm here."
"WAAAAAAUUUGH!", screamed Rachel. "JESUS! WHY DO YOU DESCEND FROM THE SKY LIKE THAT?!"
"It makes me look mysterious.", said Vincent, brushing himself off.
"Well, PACK YOUR BAGS!", shouted Rachel. "WE'RE GOING!" She grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the Shinra mansion. "LAURA! COME ON!"
"COMING!" She grabbed Vincent's other arm, and practically carried him off by herself.
"We're ready, right?", asked Cloud.
"YEAH!", said everybody else.
"Are you sure I can't bring my portable lab?", asked Lucrecia.
"Just forget about it.", said Cloud.
"Okay, Scruffles, you can't come. . ." Lucrecia set down this Labrador retriever puppy on the ground.
"OH! A DOG!", said Rachel. "I might need him. BRING HIM!"
"AH!", said the owner of the theater when they arrived. "You are here! Where is the one named 'Rachel'?"
"HERE!", said Rachel, waving her hand enthusiastically.
"Good! And I am guessing you are the director/script writer of this play?"
"Yep!"
"Okay! Then this play is going up in a week! Be ready!" The owner waved good-bye, and Rachel turned to the rest of them. "OKAY! Everybody! To the business room!"
They all walked to this room, with a long rectangular table, and chairs lining them, and Rachel sat at the far end, or, the big, cushy leather chair.
"Okay! Now that we're all here. . ." The rest of the party came in, Cid muttering numerous curses under his breath. "We're going to do the cast calls! Everybody, pick a part, and meet me on stage! Any questions?"
"YEAH!", roared Cid. "WHY THE HELL AM I GOING ALONG WITH THIS?!"
"Because I made Shera make sure you come."
"Oh yeah. . ."
"Any more questions?" Everybody's hand flew up. "Any more questions with a particular relevance?" Many hands went down. "Okay! Yeah, Tifa?"
"Couldn't you just take the appropriate characters you need from the original journey to save the planet?", asked Tifa. "I mean, when you refer to the 'game', I'm guessing in your world, there was a videogame made after it, right?"
"FINALLY! ONE OF YOU IS SMART ENOUGH TO GET IT! I could, but it's hard to decide whether you or Aeris should play the part of Cinderella. I mean, I couldn't help but sympathize with both of you in the story. . .", said Rachel, a tear building up. "IT WAS SUCH A MOVING STORY! I LOVED IT! I STILL LOVE IT! AND HERE I AM, WITH THE VERY CHARACTERS IN SUCH A STORY, AND I HAVEN'T DONE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED TO! EXCUSE ME!" Rachel, in her "anguish", leaned over to her right where Cloud was sitting, and promptly jammed her tongue down his throat, than pushed him back off, throwing him out of his chair, him unconscious from what happened. "THERE! I FEEL BETTER! I CAN CROSS NUMBER TWO OFF OF MY 'TO DO IN FF7 WORLD' LIST!" Everyone just stared. "What? WHAT?!"
"Casting call for the role of the prince!", called Meagan, a stagehand.
"OKAY! BRING IN THE FIRST TRY! AND BRING OUT A CINDERELLA TRYOUT TO REHEARSE THE LINES MORE SMOOTHLY!", shouted Rachel. Vincent walked onstage, wearing a prince costume, and Yuffie was shoved onstage.
"Gah! Hey, don't shove!", said Yuffie. Mike, another stagehand just walked off. "Hmph! And I thought he like me! What's this?" Mike left his number in her pocket. "Hmph!"
"Okay! Begin!", said Rachel, sitting in a seat with a table in front of it with a bunch of papers.
"And what is your name, young maiden with the glass slippers?", asked Vincent, in a smooth voice, that made Laura swoon, and Rachel smile.
"He might be it. . .", said Rachel.
"OH MY GOD!", said Yuffie. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WEIRD YOU SOUND?!" Yuffie was suppressing laughter.
"Yuffie? Your line?", asked Rachel.
"OH YEAH! My name, handsome prince, is Cinderella!", said Yuffie, in a more distressed voice. "But surely, you have no intention to dance with such a homely girl, as I!"
"Oh, but my fair maiden Cinderella. . ." Vincent knelt over and kissed Yuffie's hand, whereas Laura was ready to kill, and Yuffie actually blushed a little. "you are not homely, but are more beautiful than any star in the twilight struck sky."
"OKAY! THAT'S ALL I NEED! BRING IN THE NEXT PERSON FOR THE PRINCE AND CINDERELLA! CLOUD! AERIS!" Cloud strode out, also wearing a prince costume, and Brad was backstage, flirting with Yuffie and Aeris. "AERIS! MOVE IT!"
"Sorry!", said Aeris, running onstage, wearing a gorgeous blue dress and glass slippers. "I'm here!"
"Okay! Start your lines, where the clock strikes midnight!"
"Oh no! It's midnight!", said Aeris, with a lot of distress. "I'm sorry, my prince! I must go!", she said, almost pleading, and began to run, when Cloud took her hand.
"Will I ever see you again, Cinderella?", he said, just as smoothly as Vincent, looking into her eyes, and holding her hand, where she almost froze.
"Maybe! One day, my prince! I must take my leave!" Cinderella ran offstage, leaving behind the glass slipper.
"OKAY! GOOD! Is anybody else trying out for prince? Come on Barret, I know you wanna!"
"FORGET IT!", bellowed Barret from backstage.
"SELENA! MOVE HIM!", ordered Rachel. Selena pulled a pistol out of her boot, and forced Barret onstage. "GOOD!"
"And what if I don't wanna be no $#! prince?!", asked Barret.
"Is there anybody else? I need at least three per part! Brad! Move your tiny hiney out here! Aeris, you stay!"
"Why am I dressed like this?", asked Brad.
"BECAUSE THAT'S THE PRINCE OUTFIT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FRILLY! START WHERE YOU'RE TRYING ON THE SLIPPER YOU LOST AERIS!"
"Um, uh, hi. . .", said Brad, waving to Aeris, who was blushing a little.
"Why is he like that?", asked Aeris.
"This is one of the finishing scenes. It ends with a kiss.", said Rachel. "Okay Brad, just a stage kiss!"
"Er, you must be the, um, young lady I danced w-with!", said Brad, tugging at his collar. "Woo! Warm in here! Anyway, this slipper fits you perfectly! You are to be the wife I have searched for!"
"My prince! You have found me!", said Aeris, rushing to him, into his arms, and his eyes widened, and there was a hint of a nosebleed.
"Uh, heheh!", laughed Brad nervously. "C-come! We are to be wed!"
"NOW!", yelled Rachel. "CHANGE TO THE SCENE WHERE YOU ARE IN THE CARRIAGE, AFTER THE WEDDING!"
"We shall l-live, happily, um, ever after, my bride!", said Brad, his eyes continuing to get wide. "And remember, it is all because I l-love you!"
"And those are the sweetest words I have ever heard.", said Aeris, burying her face in his chest, and the nosebleed got worse.
"OKAY BRAD! THE KISS!", shouted Rachel. Brad was about to, when he spotted Cloud backstage, motioning with his sword the he'd slice his head off if he did.
"EEK!" Brad looked toward Rachel, who was motioning with her katana that she'd cut his head of if he didn't. "EEK! WELL, I WON'T DIE SAD AND ALONE IF I DO! HERE GOES!" Brad lifted up Aeris' head, and kissed her, Cloud getting very red in the face.
"BRAD! I SAID A STAGE KISS, NOT A FULL BLOWN MAKE OUT SESSION!", called Rachel. Brad looked up, and blushed, with Aeris laughing.
"But I must admit,", said Aeris, through laughter. "that he's not bad!"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!", said Cloud, whipping out his sword, and chasing after Brad.
"AAAAHHHHHHH!"
"Uheheheheheheheh!", laughed Rachel nervously.
"Cinderella auditions! Okay!", said Rachel, after calming Cloud down, and shuffling through the papers on her desk. "Let's see. Yuffie and Aeris have already had their audition, so, we are now auditioning. . .Tifa, Laura, and. . .Sadie! Gotcha! SADIE! ON STAGE NOW!", yelled Rachel. "Meagan! Move the curtain!" The curtain whipped open, and Sadie was onstage. "And Vincent will be the prince you are practicing with! VINCENT! MOVE YOUR PALE ASS OUT HERE!"
"Yes, my liege. . .", moaned Vincent. "But why? Wouldn't it be easier to just do the auditions for the evil step-sisters and mother now?"
"Yes, but you look pretty good in those pants! Tell you what, if you can get Cloud out here, and get him to twirl around in those pants, you may go."
"It's worth a shot.", shrugged Vincent. "CLOUD! THE DIRECTOR WANTS TO SEE YOU!"
"What now?", asked Cloud.
"Um, you dropped something behind you.", said Rachel. Cloud turned around and bent down. "Excellent. . .", said Rachel, checking out his bum while he bent over, looking for something.
"Are you sure I dropped something?!", asked Cloud.
"Positive! Just a little more to your right!", said Rachel. She watched him scoot over. "Perfect! Front row seat!"
"ALL RIGHT! 1,000 gil!", exclaimed Cloud. "THANKS!"
"Dammit!", shouted Rachel. "Okay! I'm satisfied now! Bring them out!" Sadie was still onstage, and Scarlet stepped out, along with Heideggar and Palmer.
"WHAT THE HELL?!", yelled Rachel. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!"
"We're auditioning. . .", said Scarlet. "I'm the evil step-mother."
"Well, that fits.", said Rachel. "What are you guys being?"
". . .Step-sisters. . .", sighed Palmer. "Why, Scarlet?"
"You said you needed a job, and this is one! You're incompetent in everything else!", retorted Scarlet.
"BUT WE'RE MEN!", shouted Heideggar.
"No, Palmer is a blimp, and you're a jackass, with a laugh to match.", spat Scarlet. "I'm here because I like to act, and well, Rufus fired you because you're incompetent, blithering philanderers."
"No, Don Corneo is a philanderer.", corrected Palmer.
"Gyahahaha!", laughed Heideggar. Rachel was just watching them fight onstage, with Sadie growing more annoyed.
"GET ON WITH IT!", screamed Sadie. "I CAN'T STAND THE LAUGHING! DIE!"
"SADIE! Aw, nevermind.", said Rachel, watching Sadie beat the crap out of Heideggar. "This is too entertaining to pass up."
"AAAGHHHH!", screamed Heideggar. "MAKE THE PAIN STOP!"
"Fine. . .", sighed Rachel. "Sadie! Look! Meagan! Pull the cord!" Meagan pulled a cord dangling from the ceiling, and Sadie turned around, to watch a banner unfurl.
"SEPHY SAMA!!!", squealed Sadie, running up and hugging it. Meagan ran to it as well.
"Well, she stopped.", said Rachel. "I guess that's a good thing. Are you okay Heideggar? Aw hell, I don't care about his well being! Is there anybody else?!"
"YO!", shouted Scarlet. "DON! MOVE YOUR ASS OUT HERE!"
"What?", asked Don Corneo.
"THAT'S IT!", screamed Sadie. "THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE HERE THAT I HATE! IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF POWER, SEPHIROTH, I WILL ROYALLY KICK YOUR ASS! COME HERE!" Sadie rushed towards Don Corneo and Palmer, beginning to whomp on both of them.
"Pass the popcorn, Meagan.", said Rachel, as Meagan took a seat next to her.
"NOW!", said Rachel. "WE NEED TO DO THESE AUDITIONS RIGHT! NO MORE FOOLING AROUND!"
"But Rachel," said Red. "it was your idea to order the Chinese."
"I'M HUNGRY! SO SUE ME! AUDITIONS START NOW! Sadie, first of all, sorry, you didn't make it, because I'm afraid in case we have a critic in the audience, you'll burst and kill them."
"No, that would be ME.", said Mike.
"Either way, we don't need a murder on our hands! Now, Laura, you practice with Vincent, and you Tifa, practice with Cloud. And no sexual innuendoes implied!"
"Awww. . .", moaned Laura.
"Whatever.", said Tifa.
"WHAT?!", exclaimed Cloud.
"It's over Cloud!", said Tifa. "Must I spell it out for you?!""
"Mmmm. . .", whined Cloud.
"Okay! Tifa's audition! Start at where you and Cloud are dancing! Mao! Mao diddy mao!"
"I'm not used to dancing.", said Tifa, to Cloud, resting her head on his shoulders as they danced.
"It doesn't matter. Just follow me.", said Cloud, whispering it in her ear.
"Yep. He's a good prince.", said Rachel.
"I like Vincent better.", said Meagan.
"You like men with long hair, don't you?"
"Only if it's done right.", said Meagan. "If not, they look stupid."
"Agreed."
"Where are you from?", asked Cloud. "I haven't seen you before. I should think from the way you're dressed, you have quite a sum of money."
"Well, actually, my lord-!" The bell tolled midnight.
"OKAY! NOW BRING OUT LAURA AND VINCENT!"
"WHEEEE!" Laura was dragging out Vincent, who resisted as much as he could.
"I DON'T WANNA!", complained Vincent.
"I KNOW YOU LOVE ME VINNIE! COME ON!", pleaded Laura.
"NO!", said Vincent.
"PLEASE!?"
"FORGET IT!"
"Please, Vinnie?", asked Laura, batting her eyelashes.
"Well. . ."
"Please?" She put her nose close to his face, and fondled with his hair almost sexually.
"Uh, well. . ." Vincent was turning a brilliant red. "Um, uh, buh, guh, wuh. . ." He was lost for words. She traced her finger on his chest, and kissed him on the lips very briefly.
"Now?"
". . .if you insist. . .AGH!" He was being dragged onto the stage.
"GOODY! COME ON!"
"WHY?! WHY DID I SAY 'YES'?!"
"BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME!"
"Eeee. . .", he whined, just like Cloud.
"Okay!", shouted Rachel. "Start back at where both of you are introducing yourselves. Aeris, give him the revised lines." Rachel handed her the paper, and she passed it off to Vincent.
"These are the lines?", asked Vincent. "Why?"
"Well, instead of calling you just prince, it would be better if you introduced yourself. Just say your name in the line, and that's all that's changed. GO!"
"And what, praytell, is your name, young maiden with the glass slippers? Laura? Hello?" Laura had blanked out at these words.
"Um, Vincent? Too smooth.", said Rachel, with a sweat mark.
"I see. . .", said Vincent. Laura's eyes were completely blank. "MEDIC!"
"Where's Rachel?", asked Aeris, in the director's office, when Tifa walked in.
"She's having the auditions for who's playing the king and the advisor and stuff. It's not going well. Cid's auditioning to be the king."
"AND WHAT THE HELL IS MY &#! MOTIVATION?!", asked Cid.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER!", yelled Rachel. "READ YOUR LINES! IT'S BEEN AN HOUR SINCE YOU GOT ON STAGE!"
"AND WHY THE HELL AM I TRYING TO BE THE KING?! WHAT'S MY DAMN PURPOSE, WOMAN!?"
"AAAHHHHHHH!"
"Okay guys, I have done some serious thinking, and I have your roles.", said Rachel, her eyes bloodshot and her voice very tired.
"OOH! LEMME SEE!", said Laura. Everybody clamored for the list.
"WHAT?!"
AN3: HAHA! GOTTA WAIT!
Laura: You're evil, you know that?
AN3: And what's wrong with evil? Somebody's got to be it.
Aeris: Is there gonna be a cast party?
AN3: YOU BET! EVERYBODY INCLUDING RESUME PEOPLE! BACKSTAGE! PARTY!
three hours later
Everybody: HIC! ::on the floor, drunk::
AN3: ::in slurred voice:: SHEE YA' NEXSHT TIME! HIC!