Title : Just Friends

Author : Me

Rating : PG-13

Warning : Slash. AU.

Disclaimer : Don't Own. Don't Sue. Don't Tell. Never Happened. Only in my dreams.

Pairing : Sirius/Remus

Chapter : 5/?

Summery : Remus and Sirius hid their true feelings about each other from each other, which begins to destroy not only their friendship, but all the other friendships they made with it.

Author's Notes : I would've updates yesterday but I had a doctors appointment. My doctor put me on Mood Enhancers, (pills for depressed, anxious people.) What the hell!?!? Do I SEEM crazy? yes, St. Johns Wort - the pill they mix into the insane asylum's people to keep them calm.

What the hell?
Anywho, this chapter was a serious bitch to write. I didn't know if they should have their first kiss or what..suggestions are welcome.
Review please.


After Classes were over Sirius immediately went to find Remus. He had picked at bits and pieces of his thoughts and decided a small romance wouldn't kill him. It would certainly crush all the girls that swooned over him, but Sirius figured if he could get Remus to keep quiet..only for a few moments... until he decided if he really wanted Remus..

Remus wasn't hard to find. Sirius just thought of where Remus would be in between his classes. Or at Lunch period. And only one thought came to mind - The Library.

And sure enough, after the long walk from the Defense Against the Dark Arts corridor to the hallway in which the door to the Library stood on old hinges, there was Remus. Sitting at a table all by himself, book wide open.

A few Ravenclaws were seated at a table not to far away. Sirius stopped looking through the small crack on the door and opened it, sliding in. He walked around nonchalantly, brushing his fingers against the spines of books he really had no interest in.

As he walked past the table of Ravenclaws he could hear them talking -

"Yes, well.. the Minister of Magic is wonderful but hes not that attractive.."

"Yes he is!"

"Then why doesn't he have a wife and children?"

"Hes probably married to his job.."

"Or as gay as a picnic basket!"

Sirius cringed as a few of the Ravenclaws laughed except for the one with the crush, who was looking horrified and livid at the same time. He continued looking casual, picking up a book and examining it until he reached Remus' table. He shrugged, pretending to read the back of the book as he slid a chair out and sat down beside Remus.

"Oi! 'Lo Remus, I didn't notice you were here!" Sirius said, looking up from the book. Remus looked up from his book and his eyes got visually wider. "What are you reading?" Sirius asked as if the yelling, the fighting, the cold nights, as if it all had never happened.

"P..Poe.." Remus stuttered out, not believing his ears. "Poe? Isn't he that nut-case?" Sirius questioned, putting his book on the table and pushing it away from him. "He was..quite..morbid.." Remus chose his words carefully. Well, while they were at it..might as well.. Remus sighed, "Have you..thought it over?"

Sirius nodded. "Before I got Detention. But hell, thats not the point." Sirius sighed, Remus was watching him intently. Trying to decide to be mad..sad..relieved..

"Look.. Moony..I 'spose we could..I don't know.. try it. It won't kill me.." Sirius mumbled, avoiding Remus' eyes. Remus smiled, but he could see the emotion on Sirius' face. He was nervous. Skeptical. He probably wanted to keep things secret. He..

"Look, Remus, just..lets take it slow, okay?" Sirius asked, looking up from the table. Remus nodded mutely. Sirius smiled, relief washing over his face. But his eyes still held something..

Doubt. Sirius was doubting this relationship would work. He wanted to try, probably put all he had into it, but he would deny any true feelings.

Remus felt himself hurting all over again. Sometimes he wished he didn't know Sirius as well as he did. Sometimes he wished they were complete strangers. And sometimes he didn't want to ever lose his Padfoot, but he couldn't have it both ways. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." Remus felt himself saying.

The pain had been replaced with anger. What was the point? Why should he let himself feel if it wasn't real? Why should he let Sirius use him for something that Sirius probably wouldn't let turn into anything? Why..

"I beg your pardon?" Sirius asked, raising both eyebrows. "Do you make your bed then lay in it?" Remus asked. Sirius shook his head, "After I make my bed I'm usually starting out the day and.. whats with the riddles Rem?" Remus stood from his chair, "Look Sirius, I think you need some more time to think it over." Remus spat, as if spitting acid.

Sirius' shocked expressed didn't change as Remus stormed out of the Library, leaving his book behind. What the hell? ((Author's Note : Remus can sometimes be..dominate..page 90 of 'Order of the Pheonix'..))

Sirius, after a few moments to collect himself, stood and went to lunch. Remus avoided him and James and Lily were caught in some argument whilst Peter was reading some idiotic book on the four founders.

Sirius went to the rest of the Days classes, where Remus avoided him. Remus wouldn't even spare Sirius a glance, and when he wrote it was quick scribbles. Not the nice, neat, calm writing Sirius knew Remus to have.

The day seemed to take forever to pass. Class after class Sirius felt alone. Lonely. Sad. Even..hopeless. He felt as if nothing could cheer him up. Had he done something to hurt Remus? He would never..

Around Dinner time Remus headed back to the library. He knew Sirius wouldn't dare to try and find Remus. He had left Sirius clueless. Good. Sirius deserved to feel some pain. After what he put Remus through.

Remus sat down at his usual table and began to dig through his bag for a book, any book, anything he could read. Just something to keep him preoccupied.

Finding nothing, Remus sighed and stood, walking over to the shelves and pulling a book out. He opened it up, not bothering to read the title, and was greeted with a diagram of the human digestive system.

"Oh no.." Remus murmured. In shock, of course. Why didn't he find that out earlier? He had read enough on the subject.. he had read allot so he had to have read that somewhere.

After a human eats, the food gets digested, which is a standard procedure. Which means that after you've eaten your cake, for a period of time you still have it. Remus slammed the book shut and closed his eyes tightly.

Feelings can change.. Sirius certainly did change from yelling to kindness.. Remus himself had changed.

"Oh great.." Remus muttered, "What the hell did I do.."