Chapter 18 p.3: A Cinderella Story, Opening Night
A/N: I AAAAAAAAAAAAACHE! LET'S GET THIS OVERWITH! YOU KNOW WHAT OWNS YOU KNOW WHO AND YOU KNOW SHE OWNS YOU KNOW WHAT'S CHARACTER! ....THAT didn't make sense to me, but if you read it a few times, you'll get it. I promise. ....Not really.
"Is everybody ready? We're going on in a half hour!", shouted Rachel.
"Rachel, where's my costume?", asked Aeris.
"OH MY GOD!", shouted Rachel. "YOU ARE THE STAR OF THE WHOLE, DAMN PRODUCTION, AND ALL YOU HAVE IS YOUR MAKE-UP ON?! By the way, the make-up looks good."
"I'm not wearing any."
"THEN PUT SOME ON! YOU LOOK HIDEOUS!", yelled Rachel. "HERE!" Rachel grabbed Aeris' costume from a rack of clothing.
"This is my old dress from AVALANCHE!"
"IT'S PERFECT! IT'S ALREADY TATTERED!", said Rachel.
"It has a blood stain where the stomach is, and a hole.", said Aeris.
"PFFFF! WE'LL CLEAN IT!"
"Rachel?", asked Selena. "Where is Reno?!"
"GET BACK TO WORK!", screamed Rachel. "IT'S OPENING NIGHT! WE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO! GO AND CHECK THE LIGHTING WITH LUCRECIA! WHERE IN HELL IS SURKA?!"
"Here boss!", said Surka, running up. "Whatcha need?"
"I need an aspirin. . .", moaned Rachel. "I'm fourteen, and I'm running a sold out show! AND THE PRESIDENT IS HERE! AND HE'S HOT!"
"Double whammy!", said Meagan. "Okay boss, here's the aspirin. . ."
"Sigh, thanks. . . YOU ARE OFFICIALLY SECOND IN CHARGE!"
"WOOHOO!", shouted Meagan.
"Lighting's good, boss!", said Holly, reporting. "And Lucrecia checked them all!"
"Good. . .", said Rachel, walking over to the stars' dressing rooms. Show business sucks. . .Laura, how are you doing?"
"FINE!", said Laura. "But is this dress supposed to be this. . .frilly" Laura stepped out, in what looked like a frilly tutu. "I mean, I know I'm a fairy, but PUH-LEESE!"
"Sorry, blame the costume maker. Where IS Kyoko anyway?"
"How should I know?", asked Laura. "I need to finish. See ya'!" Rachel walked along the hall where they were, and heard a little bit of whining.
"Palmer? Are you okay?", asked Rachel, knocking on the door.
"I SAID NO POLYESTER!", yelled Palmer, busting open the door.
"OW!" Rachel was hit with the door. "What? OH MY GOD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Shut up. . .", grumbled Palmer. He was wearing a pink dress, and his skin was a little red and chafed. "But this is not nice!"
"OOOH!", yelled Rachel, red from laughing. "HAHA! Wooooh. . . Anyway, that's all we have. Put some powder on that rash, will ya? You're going to scare the little children in the audience."
"Mmmmm. . .", grumbled Palmer. "There better be cheesecake in that closet. . ."
"Oooogh. . .", somebody moaned. Rachel walked by, and Cloud was clutching his stomach.
"CLOUDY!", yelled Rachel. "YOU CAN'T DIE! I WON'T LET YOU!"
"Get. . .away. . .", said Cloud. "I'll. . .be fine. . ."
"You better.", said Rachel. "You're the prince! But if you can't-
"NO!", protested Cloud. "VINCENT WILL NOT KISS AERIS!"
"Dead set on that, aren't you?", asked Rachel nervously. "But remember, I can't have you sick! Do you need a potion or something?"
"Maybe. . .", he said, guzzling one. "Ugh. Here, I'll just take an X-potion or an antidote before I go on, okay?"
"Fine. . . And wish me luck, I'm going to check up on Tifa."
"Why should I?", asked Cloud, drinking a bit more potion. "Mmm, strawberry. . ."
"She's having her. . .yeah.", said Rachel. "Hope I live. . ."
"Heheheheh. . .", laughed Sadie, holding a plate of cheesecake, walking along the catwalk towards the broom closet. She swung off the catwalk, and left only her legs on there, dangling. "Thank you Yuffie, for the ninja lessons!" She lowered the cheesecake onto the floor, and locked the door, leaving it slightly ajar. "THIS NEVER GETS OLD!"
"Tifa?", asked Rachel, walking cautiously into Tifa's dressing room. "Tifa?" Dead silence. Heart pounding, she continued on. "Tifa? WHOA!" She saw a curtain rustle, but figured it was the wind. And all of a sudden, she heard breathing from. . .somewhere.
"RRAAARRRRGH!" A brown-haired beast jumped out from behind the dressing curtain, looking slightly. . .like Tifa? Adrenaline rushing to her head, Rachel stepped closer.
"Tifa?" Tifa looked up, looking a little ill. "Are you sick?"
"Uhhhhhh. . .", moaned Tifa. "A little. . ."
"Don't take this personally, but you look like shit. Or, Heideggar first thing in the morning, constipated."
"That bad, huh?"
"Oh yeah. Here, take this." Rachel handed Tifa a HP-plus materia, an X-potion, and a remedy. "You don't have an understudy, so you need this. But it's all I have, SO MAKE SURE IT WORKS!"
"How are you so sure?", asked Tifa, putting on her gloves, and sticking in the materia.
"Um, let's say it worked on me around that time. . .", said Rachel, rolling her eyes a bit.
"Ah."
"OOOOOH!", said Palmer, looking into the closet. Sadie was hanging around closely on the bottom of the catwalk, stifling her laughter. "CHEESECAKE!"
"MINE!", said Holly, hitting Palmer out of the way.
"Oh crap.", said Sadie.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Konoshi hit Holly out of the way, and dove in, closing the door.
"Hoo boy. . .", sighed Sadie. "I'm gonna pay for this. . ."
"Barret, it's not so bad.", said Rachel. "It's not like Eleanor or Dyne is gonna see this. . ."
"BUT MARLENE WILL!", said Barret from inside his dressing room. "I CAN'T LET HER SEE HER FATHER LIKE THIS!"
"Barret, she's like what, 3? 5? She'll like it."
"Okay, come in then." Rachel opened the door, and was stopped dead by what her eyes saw and her mind tried to fathom. Barret. IN A MOUSE SUIT!
"WOOOOOOOH!", shouted Rachel, going into a fit of laughter. "NICE SUIT, BARRET!", laughed Rachel.
"I'M GONNA KILL THE DESIGNER!", bellowed Barret.
"Don't worry, Cid, Cait Sith, and a few stage hands are gonna be mice, too."
"That doesn't mean I won't shoot that damn Kyoko. . .", growled Barret, putting ammo in his gun arm.
"Konoshi?", asked Sadie, through the door. "How is it?"
"GOOD CHEESECAKE!", Konoshi yelled through the door.
"DIH!", went the others around the door, falling to the ground.
"I MEAN HOW YOU ARE DOING!", yelled Sadie.
"Well, it smells funny in here. . .", said Konoshi. "And I'm a little wet!"
"Aww. . .", said Palmer. "She sat on the juice box I kept in there to go with the cheesecake!"
"PALMER, YOU DUMBASS!", screamed Sadie. "HOW STUPID ARE YOU?! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET AN INTERVIEW AT SHINRA?!"
"Well, the president liked me, because we were golfing buddies."
"Oh.", said Holly. "I thought it was because you beared an eerie resemblance to the president. And how did you even see the tee on the ground past your gut?"
"It wasn't easy."
"Shut up."
"BOSS!", said Kami, running up to Rachel. "15 minutes til' curtain!"
"Thanks, Kami.", said Rachel. "Is there anything wrong before showtime?"
"Not one.", said Kami. "Cloud is looking better, and Tifa's back to normal."
"GRAVY! LET'S RALLY THE TROOPS!"
"I want you to go out there and win.", said Rachel, dressed as a general with black eye paint and a baton thing. "I want you to have fun with it, too. Just remember your lines, and all will be fine. When that curtain goes up, they will see you, and say 'they look like a bunch of stupid dumbasses', BUT YOU WILL IGNORE THAT! YOU SHALL TRIUMPH! WHO IS WITH ME!", yelled Rachel, standing in front of the whole cast and stage hands, just blinking and trying to understand what just happened.
"Can we just go now?", asked Selena.
"Fine. . .", sighed Rachel. "Can I keep this general costume?"
"NO!"
"Curtain in 5 minutes!", announced Meagan. "Where's Surka?"
"RACHEL?!", yelled Surka in Rachel's ear, standing in a doorway.
"BLARGHEN!", yelled Rachel. "WHAT?!"
"5 MINUTES!"
"OKAY! Where's Konoshi?"
"ONE! TWO! THREE! HEAVE!" CRASH! Sadie took her katana and busted open the door. "Konoshi?" Konoshi was sitting in the corner, happily drinking a carton of juice.
"HIYA!"
"ONE MINUTE!", yelled Selena.
"Is everybody in costume?", whispered Rachel. All excess stagehands where dressed as mice, meaning, Holly, Surka, and Konoshi, were in fuzzy, skin-tight rodent outfits.
"Good, Palmer, you put something over that rash.", said Rachel. "It looked like my great aunt."
"Shut up."
"Aeris! Move on stage!" Aeris took her prop broom, and ran out to the stage, taking her position.
"10, 9, 8. . .", counted down Meagan.
"Cross your fingers, people.", said Rachel.
"3, 2, 1! SHOWTIME!" Meagan pulled the rope for the curtain, and it swept neatly back. Lucrecia turned on the spotlight, and Aeris fit the part perfectly, looking down, sweeping silently, with dirty looking make-up scattered on her face, and the tell-tale little feet that Cinderella was claimed to have. Kami's narration began.
"In a far off land, that bore the name of Osterland, existed a young girl.", said Kami. "Her name, was Cinderella, and there was something special about her."
"How's it going so far?", asked Selena.
"Fine, surprisingly.", said Rachel.
"WHERE'S RENO?!", she hissed.
"THERE!" Rachel pointed to a man with a blue bandanna, standing at the doorway, and Rufus was sitting in center seats. Elena and Rude were standing at the other entrances.
"SQUEE!", squealed Selena.
"SHUT UP!", whispered Rachel. "THEY'LL HEAR YOU!"
"WHAT?!", whispered Selena.
"THEY'LL HEAR YOU!", said Rachel.
"I can't hear you!", said Selena.
"I SAID THEY'LL HEAR YOU DAMMIT!", yelled Rachel. The audience looked around a little, looking for the person who yelled, and Aeris was looking at Rachel, glaring. "Oops."
The play went on, as successfully as it could've gone, with Rachel yelling and all, and the people seemed to have given rapt attention to the play. Rachel couldn't believe a rewrite of something of hers could've done so well.
"Cinderella!", said Scarlet, in her normally cruel voice. Perfect. "Clean up this mess!"
"Yes, step-mother. . .", said Cinderella. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Do the laundry!", said Palmer, walking out onto the stage, Rufus almost unable to contain his laughter, but he did. Unfortunately, Reno couldn't resist.
"HAHA!", he laughed, some heads turning. "LOOK AT MR. HIGH AND MIGHTY NOW! NOW HE'S WEARING A DRESS, AND HIS SKIN IS CHAFING! WHO FEELS SPECIAL NOW?! Huh?" Mike was standing behind Reno, with his guns.
"Come with me." Mike dragged him to the back, and a few shots and blood curdling screams were heard, everyone with a nervous smile, and sweat mark.
"Better." Reno walked back in, perfectly fine with a smile, and Mike came out, bruised and bleeding.
"Is there a Cetra in the house? Gah. . ." Mike became unconscious.
"Serves him right.", said Reno. Elena was giving him the evil eye, and the play had halted for his interference, and the other people were glaring at him as well. "Um, sorry? AGH!" A group of audience members ganged up, pummeled the crap out of him, and sat back down. "Ow."
"Oh God. . .", sighed Rachel. "Selena ran out to help him. . ." Selena, after the play had continued, ran out to help Reno. "Wait. Isn't she helping Lucrecia with the lighting?!" Aeris was out on stage, waiting for the lights to dim like they were supposed to, but since Selena was managing those, they didn't. "SELENA!?"
"Why did I feel a nasty thought directed at me?", asked Selena. "Oh well. RENO!"
"Uh, hey babe.", said Reno, standing up. "Thanks for helping. Say, what are you doing after the play?", he asked, eyeing her, and peering down her shirt a little.
"What are YOU doing?", asked Selena.
"I like that answer. And who knows, maybe you."
"SELENA!", hissed Meagan in Selena's ear. "The lights! Boss is getting angry!"
"Oh crap." Selena looked down at the stage, the lights FINALLY dimming, because Rachel had to do it herself, and when she looked, she could see Rachel's head angrily glaring at her, with daggers in her eyes. "And I finally meet Reno. . . Hey, dude. . .", said Selena to Reno. "Here." She, all of a sudden, kissed him, ran off, and winked, and when Reno reached in his back pant pocket, her hotel room number was on it.
"Nice."
"YOU IDIOT!", yelled Rachel, behind far enough to ensure that she wasn't heard. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO FOCUS ON HIM! I COULD'VE DONE BETTER, BECAUSE I KNOW HIM! YOU COULD'VE WAITED!"
"Sorry, boss. . .", mumbled Selena. "But-!"
"SHUT UP! I have to watch the rest of the play! Go back up to the catwalk, and help Lucrecia already, will ya'?"
"Yes, boss. . ."
Rachel was walking back up to the edge of the stage, and watched Tifa, Cloud, and Reeve walk on, to the scene in the royal court.
"What have you summoned me for, um, father?", said Cloud, a little unused to the thought of calling Reeve his father.
"You are now old enough to carry on the family name.", said Reeve, standing up from his throne and taking his scepter, smoothing a little bit of his hair. "You are hereby ordered to find yourself a bride! Do you understand, um, son?", replied Reeve, also unused to the term. "The court advisor will see you about it."
"Yes, sire.", said Tifa, wearing the court advisor's outfit, and since it was originally designed for a man, the chest wrapped around her tightly.
"Jesus, why are her shirts, ALWAYS like that?!", asked Rachel. "Couldn't game designers pick something less demeaning?"
"I am here to assist you.", said Tifa, still genuflecting with her head down. The entire audience that was made up of guys dragged along by their girlfriends, leaned to the right, to gaze down her shirt, and the left portion leaned to the left, to scope her bum.
"WHY?!", thought Tifa. "WHY IN GOD'S NAME?!" She heard murmurs in the audience.
"She's a savior of the planet. She can save me, anytime.", said one guy.
"I know she can assist me, any night.", said another.
"Then we shall set up a ball.", said Cloud.
"What kind? Who shall we invite?", asked Tifa, standing up.
"Everybody in the kingdom!", said Cloud.
"EVERYBODY?", asked Tifa.
"Okay, well, all the ladies.", said Cloud. "I DO NOT lean that way."
"Yeah, this is DEFINITELY boss' rewrite of Cinderella.", said Kami. "Only SHE would include THAT line."
"I'd include that line.", said Sadie.
"You don't count."
"Mean."
"Greetings!", said Yuffie, as Aeris opened the door to the house. "A message from the royal court!" Yuffie's costume looked a bit tattered, and she insisted to keep her short-shorts, and the guys leaned now to the left to examine her butt.
"Dear sweet Jesus. . .", thought Yuffie.
"She's cute.", said one guy. "I know one message I'd like her to deliver. . ." His girlfriend glared at him, and contemplated on breaking up on him.
"Perv. . .", she thought.
"A ball?", asked Aeris, reading the scroll of paper that Yuffie handed to her, then, also insisting keeping the ninja moves, sprang up and disappeared, which received a little applause.
"YEAH!", said Yuffie, doing her rapid arm punch. "WHO'S THE NINJA?!"
"What is that, Cinderella?", asked Heideggar, wearing possibly the world's ugliest dress, and even less flattering on his walrus-like body. "GIMME!" He snatched it from her hands, and read it, then threw it up and squealed like a little school girl. "A BALL! A BALL! THE PRINCE IS GOING TO MARRY!", she shouted. Palmer waddled out, and began doing a little dance, as well as Heideggar.
"Well then, my. . .daughters. . .", said Scarlet, looking around with edgy eyes, REALLY unused to calling Heideggar and Palmer, girl titles, let alone her daughters.
"THIS IS TOO RICH!", laughed Sadie off stage. "HAHAHAHAHA!" Palmer noticed her laughing, and slipped her the finger behind his back, upon which she grimaced when she saw it. For the rest of the scene, she threw paper at the back of his head.
"So, Cinderell-AH!", he said, the paper flying and colliding with his bald head. "I guess you will n-AH-t be AH-tending? OW!" He turned around, and saw Sadie making funny faces at him, sticking out her tongue and pulling down on her eyelid.
"NAH NAH!", she taunted, and threw paper neatly down the front of his shirt.
"AGH!", he yelled, but everybody's eyes were already on him, so he turned around with a strange smile on, taking out of his mind how uncomfortable the paper wad down his shirt was. "I m-mean, you h-have n-no dress!", he said.
"I guess so. . .", said Aeris, putting on a sad and depressed face, which, actually got some sympathy from the guys. Kinda.
"Aw. . .", said one guy. "I know what would cheer her up. . .heh, heh. . .OW!" He was elbowed by his girlfriend. "I KNEW I should've taken you to the play about the Evil Dragon King Valvados at the Gold Saucer. . .", she mumbled. A few other guys were checking her out.
"I like this play. . .", said one.
"This kingdom must be a fairy tale, because that girl's in MY fantasies. . .", said another.
"AHHHH!", said Rachel, coming out of the bathroom. "I wonder what scene they're on. . ." she walked out, and heard annoying singing. "Oh, I know which one. . ."
"CINDERELLY, CINDERELLY, MAKE WAY FOR CINDERELLY. . .!", sang the people in the mice suits. Rufus immediately recognized Barret, and was ready to burst, when. . .Rude did?
"OH MY GOD!", yelled Rude. "HE'S A MOUSE!" Elena and Rufus turned to look at him.
"You finally talk when mice are singing?!", asked Elena. "Not when you're doing everything else, like that one time when you crushed your toe, and you only held up a sign that said, 'OUCH!'?!"
". . .", replied Rude.
"I thought so. . .", said Elena.
"I should've put Cloud in one of those suits. . .", thought Rachel. "They are so tight. . . Sigh. . ."
"We know what you're thinking.", said Tifa, walking up behind her with Aeris, who was not in this scene. "Go ahead. He's just a jerk."
"Aww, Tifaaaaa. . .!", whined Cloud. "PLEASE?!"
"NO!"
"AERIS!", whispered Rachel. "GET READY! YOU'RE ALMOST BACK ON!" Aeris ran onstage when it was time, and saw the mice with the completed dress.
"Is this for me?!", asked Aeris, in surprise. "IT'S GORGEOUS! I'll try it on!" She walked pass Red, who was caged at the moment because it was his job to try and catch the mice, and went into the dressing room to change.
"HAHA!", laughed Konoshi. "You're stuck in a stupid cage!" Red glared, and noticed the broom close by. He moved the cage around a bit, knocking over, and fell on the lock that kept him in, and it fell in the gap in the door. He used it as a wedge, and the door flew open fiercely, and jumped out, trying to catch the mice.
"DIE!", he said, taking people off-guard.
"AAWWWWW!", said one girl. "The kitty can talk!"
"AWWWWWW!", said another. "HE THINKS HE'S PEOPLE!" Red began cursing on the inside.
"Fat, pompous baboons. . .", he thought. "I smarter than all of them combined. . ."
"BAD KITTY!", said Aeris, walking back onstage, wearing the dress people marveled at. She took the broom, and began hitting him on the head with the broom, trapping him back in the cage, and she kept it closed with a chair. "There. How do I look?" The mice, nodded in approval. "But how will I get there? Aw, crap!"
"Yeah. . .", said Sadie. "DEFINITELY boss' rewrite."
"Don't worry, Cinderella!" The blue fog went onstage, and Laura was shielding her nose, as Rachel gave her a better costume, that was the traditional blue robe. "I am your fairy godmother!" She took down her hood, and smiled, more murmurs coming from the guys in the audience.
"Wow. . .she's hot. . .", said one guy. "Looks a lot like that advisor. . ."
"Why are all the cute ones in this play?", asked another. "I'm seeing this one again."
"YEP!", said Rachel, flashing the 'V for victory' sign with her hand. "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO COME FOR THE STORY, COME FOR THE GIRLS! And guys. . .", said Rachel, watching Cloud change in the dressing room, changing his shirt. "Heh, heh. . ."
"Who? My fairy godmother?"
"Yes, my child!"
"What's going on?", asked Yuffie, coming out of the dressing rooms.
"BIBBITY, BOBBITY, BOO!", sang Laura, with the orchestra behind her.
"The annoying, crazy fairy song. . .", said Rachel.
"Gotta love it. . .", said Yuffie.
After the crazy fairy song, it was time for intermission. Rachel was backstage, checking on all the actors.
"Good, Barret's fine, Red is fine, and Cloud. . .is obviously SUPER fine. . but. . ." She walked in, and saw Cloud tossing his cookies in the trash can.
"BARFFFF!", went Cloud.
"Hoo, boy. . .", said Rachel. "I think we're gonna need that understudy. . ."
"NO!", said Cloud. "HE- BARRFF!- CAN'T KISS AERIS!", protested Cloud.
"Who? Cloud?", Aeris walked in, to check up on him. "What?"
"He's sick. . .", said Rachel.
"Aww!", sympathized Aeris. "Oh well. . .Do I have an understudy?"
"'Fraid not.", said Rachel.
"But, he can't go out there!", said Aeris. "Plus, I am NOT kissing a guy who just threw up!"
"BLECCK!", coughed Cloud.
"Look, there is only ONE person I know who knows your part.", said Rachel. "But we're gonna need somebody else who has no part, and isn't a stagehand. Come with me. Cloud, change into something else. Vincent is taking over."
"Gotcha. . ."
"Who?", asked Aeris.
"I HAVE NO IDEA!", said Rachel. "I know your part. . . But there is NO WAY in HELL I'm gonna act. . . Where can I find one?"
"I have more costumes!", said Kyoko, walking in with a rack of costumes.
"AH HA!", shouted Rachel pointing her finger. "THERE!"
"Am I in trouble?", asked Kyoko.
"No. . .", said Rachel. "I fact, this is your lucky day. . .heh, heh. . ."
"Huh? REALLY?!", asked Laura. "I CAN!?"
"YEP! You're the replacement. . .",said Rachel. "I mean, you're the only other person who knows Aeris' part, and isn't going to appear again. "And, Kyoko here is your replacement."
"HIYA!", said Kyoko. "You only have a few lines left, and I already memorized them. WHERE IS MY SUGAR?!"
"I'll have it brought in. . .", sighed Rachel. "I'm paying her in sugar, not gil." "WHEEEEEEE!"
"Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.", announced Rachel on Kami's microphone. "During intermission, it has come to my attention that Cloud, the prince, is sick. Aeris, or, Cinderella, is taking care of his illness with some materia, AND an old Cetra remedy. . ."
"HOLD STILL!", said Aeris, with Cloud's shirt off.
"But I'm sick!", said Cloud. "Are you SURE you want to?"
"NOT THAT!", said Aeris. "I have a remedy for stomach flu. I got it from the planet."
"Uh, huh.", said Cloud. "Are you sure dead people's voices are gonna help?"
"IT'S NOT JUST DEAD PEOPLE!", said Aeris. "IT'S THE PLANET ITSELF, TELLING ME IT'S CONDITION! IT'S OPTIONAL TO TALK TO THE PEOPLE!"
"Yeah. . .", said Cloud. "Anyway, what's the cure?"
"Here. . ." She took out butter, and a live lobster.
"I think you have to cook that thing first, Aeris.", said Cloud.
"NO! It HAS to be live!"
"I tell you, in any cookbook-!"
"IT'S THE REMEDY! NOT DINNER! HOLD STILL!"
"Is this gonna be kinky?"
"SHUT UP!" She lowered the lobster.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
People in the audience could hear his scream, and sat with sweat marks.
"Yeah. . .", said Rachel. "And let's pray for them, shall we? Anyway, Laura, the old fairy godmother-!" Whistles where heard from a few guys in the audience. "HEH! Yeah. . . Can we stop that?"
"BRING OUT THE MESSENGER!", called one guy. "OR THE ADVISOR!"
"BRING BACK CINDERELLA!", yelled another.
"SHUT UP!", yelled Rachel into the microphone, so loudly, the deaf could hear. "OKAY! Laura is taking over Aeris' job. Kyoko, the costume designer, is becoming the godmother, and Vincent, is becoming the prince! All else is set, and the play will now resume in fifteen minutes!"
Behind the scenes, in the dressing rooms, Laura and Vincent were getting ready for their part together. NO. Not THAT part. They WERE NOT doing THAT. I KNOW YOU'RE A BUNCH OF SICK PERVERTS, SO GET IT ALL OUT OF YOUR MIND! Thank you.
"So Vinnie. . .", said Laura, walking out of a changing curtain. "What do you think?"
"You're a child. I have no opinion.", replied Vincent, wearing the refined prince's costume.
"I AM 17!", yelled Laura. "And Vinnie, you didn't even look!"
"Stop calling me 'Vinnie', and I don't need to look."
"Please?"
"Fine. . .", sighed Vincent. "But yo-!" He was halted at what he saw in front of him. A young girl in an elegant blue dress, wearing ACTUAL glass slippers (cost a lot of gil), and smiling straight at him. He blushed.
"What? Why the hell are you staring?", asked Laura. "I asked for you to look, not turn an icky red color and stare down my shirt!", she yelled. "Wait." She realized something. "Icky red color?"
"It's just the make-up!", said Vincent, quickly turning away.
"HA, HA!", laughed Mike, walking in. "YOU WEAR GIRLY MAKE-UP!" He walked out.
"Weird. . .", said Vincent.
"You're blushing, aren't you, Vinnie?", asked Laura, popping up in his face.
"AGH! NOT SO CLOSE, CHILD!", he yelled, recoiling back.
"You know you want me even CLOSER. . .", said Laura, actually stepping back.
"It's the make-up.", said Vincent. "And when we do the final scene, REMEMBER: it's a stage kiss."
"Are you sure, Vinnie?", asked Laura.
"Dead sure. . ."
"Hey, Vincent!", said Lucrecia, popping in much like Mike did. "How are you? Now I have to cure Cloud's stomach flu."
"I'm good.", said Vincent, hugging her. Laura gave a small growl. "Just stay well, okay? I don't need you getting sick."
"You care so much about me, Vincent.", said Lucrecia, hugging him tightly back. "That's why I love you." Vincent turned back to Laura, and pointed at Lucrecia, who was still hugging in, and gave her an as-a-matter-of-factly look.
"Now go on.", said Vincent. "It's almost showtime, and we don't need the little barbarian getting angry."
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!", screamed Rachel from down the hall.
"See ya'.", said Lucrecia. Vincent kissed her before she left, and waved back as she exited the room.
"And THAT is why I don't like you.", said Vincent.
"Strange.", said Laura, with a bitter expression on her face. "That's why I don't like you, too." She walked briskly out of the room, with an icy cold expression.
"Are you ready, Laura?", asked Meagan. "Because I think boss might need to see you."
"Whatever.", said Laura, almost shrugging her off and walking straight over to Rachel.
"Um Laura?", asked Rachel with a nervous smile. "Is everything all right? I thought I heard arguing."
"Yeah, I'm fine. . .", sighed Laura. "Come on, we're ready."
Laura walked on stage in Cinderella's dress (WHICH received much approval from the men, due to the low neck.), and Kyoko walked on in the blue robe, to perform the fairy godmother part.
"Let me see those mice, my child.", said Kyoko, pointing to the mice.
"Um, okay. . .", said Laura. She shooed along the mice, and they gathered in front of the godmother.
"BIBBITY, BOBBITY, BOO!", shouted Kyoko. Blue smoke exploded, and Barret became the carriage driver, Konoshi, Surka, and Holly were in chocobo suits, and Cait Sith had become just what he normally looked like, leading the team of chocobos. "And now for the carriage. BIBBITY, BOBBITY, BOO!" The pumpkin grew into a carriage.
"Thank you, fairy godmother!", said Laura.
"No problem, child! But remember!", said Kyoko. "Be back by midnight, for that is when the magic wears off!"
"I will!"
"SADIE!", whispered Rachel, standing on the catwalk. "Pull!"
"OH RIGHT!", remember Sadie.
"WHOAA!", said Kyoko, not having run through this part. "COOL! FAIRY MAGIC!"
"Sigh. . .", went Rachel. "That girl ate too much sugar. . ."
"Vincent, get ready.", said Meagan. "And you too, Tifa. By the way, Vincent, what were you and Laura arguing about?"
"I'd rather not talk about it.", said Vincent.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of!", said Meagan. "I use Pantene Pro-V, too!"
"NOT THAT!", yelled Vincent. "Besides, it makes my hair all smooth and shiny."
"Yeah. . .", said Meagan. "But will you PLEASE, tell me?!"
"We were fighting because she thinks I like her. WHICH I DO NOT!"
"Sure, sure. . .", said Meagan. "I know you give her googly eyes. . ."
"No, she gives ME googly eyes.", corrected Vincent. "And am I THAT obvious?!"
"No.", said Konoshi, walking past to get out of the mouse suit. It was about ten seconds before Vincent went on with Tifa. "It's even worse than you think."
"OH GOD!"
"Vincent!", said Meagan. "You're on!"
Vincent walked on stage after they setting had changed to inside the castle, and Tifa walked on with him.
"Ooh. . .", said one guy's girlfriend. "All the princes are hot. . ."
"Grrr. . .", muttered her boyfriend. "And she accuses ME. . ."
"Who do you like, my lord?", asked Tifa.
"Well, hello there, your holiness. . .", said Heideggar, fluttering his eyelashes and fanning himself with the paper fan. "It's nice to see you this evening."
"And I as well hope to see you. . .later this evening. . .", said Palmer, walking on. Vincent felt nauseated, even though it was just a play, because it felt disgusting to be hit on by men, much less fat, hairy lumps of fat like Palmer and Heideggar in dresses. Heideggar and Palmer were sent away by Tifa however, and returned to talking with her master.
"My lord?", she asked. "Who are you looking at?"
"I like. . .her." He was pointing to Laura, who had just come in, and when she did, people turned around to look, all envying her beauty.
"She looks familiar.", said Palmer.
"My lady. . .", bowed Vincent, before Laura, or rather, the prince before Cinderella. "I am Crown Prince Vincent of Osterland. Would such a beautiful creature as yourself like to dance with me?"
"Beautiful creature?", asked Meagan. "BEAUTIFUL CREATURE?! Now I'm questioning whether this is boss' rewrite or not."
"But what about these other young women, who are wealthier than I am? Wouldn't you rather dance with them?"
"My offer still stands. Now, would you?" Vincent looked up to see Laura's face, which was meant to look surprised, but it grew into a smile.
"She's pretty when she smiles. . .", thought Vincent. "Oh shit. OH SHIT. OH SHIT! Put this on to do list: shoot myself."
"Yes, my lord, if you insist." She wrapped her arms around him to dance, and the blush came back to his face, and the audience thought this was probably the best special effect of the play.
"They look nice together.", said Rachel, smiling, watching them dance. "JUST LIKE ME AND CLOUDY!"
"BAARRRRF!"
"Nevermind. . .", sighed Rachel.
"Why DID you pick me?", asked Laura. "There are prettier women than me."
"No, there is not, it's just that you are more humble.", said Vincent, crossing his head past hers, putting his lips close to her ear.
"Hee. . .", thought Laura. "His breathing tickles. . ."
"You really are as beautiful as I perceive you to be." He moved a bit closer, and whispered in his ear, and despite the great acoustics, only Laura could hear this line. "I really do."
"Huh?", whispered Laura. "That's not in the script! Wait, that must mean. . ."
"What is your name?", asked Vincent.
"My name is-!" The clock struck midnight, and Laura, broke away. "Oh! I must go!" She began running away from the ball.
"Your name!", called Vincent.
"I'm sorry! Oh!" Her slipper fell off. The curtain closed.
"Awww. . .", went the crowd.
"SORRY PEOPLE! MORE INTERMISSION!", said Rachel on the microphone.
"What was that all about?", asked Laura to Vincent in the changing rooms.
"What?", asked Vincent.
"What you whispered!"
"That was an ad lib.", said Vincent. "They could hear it. And besides, it was all just acting."
"YOU BREATHED IT IN MY EAR!", shouted Laura. "THAT IS NOT JUST ACTING!"
"It is, and your overreacting.", said Vincent, touching up on the make-up. FLASH!
"HA, HA!", laughed Mike. "NOW I HAVE PROOF! MUAHAHAHAHA!" He ran off.
"Weird.", said Laura this time. "And what do you mean overreacting?! MY DEAD BODY! LET'S SEE HERE! A BISHONEN LIKES ME! ME OFF ALL PEOPLE! I DON'T THINK THIS IS OVERREACTING!"
"Do we have a net?", asked Aeris, walking by. "The lobster is on the loose."
"Um. . .no. . .", said Laura.
"AGH! A LOBSTER!", screeched Tifa. "WHAT THE HELL?!"
"OOPS!", said Aeris. "FOUND IT!" She ran off.
"Weird.", said Vincent.
"YOU'RE ON, LAURA!", said Meagan.
"We'll settle this later.", she said, walking off.
Cinderella was cleaning in the house, when her sisters and step-mother came home.
"What a marvelous ball!", said Scarlet.
"I think he liked me.", said Heideggar.
"No, I'm sure it was me, my dear sister.", said Palmer. "Too bad YOU missed out, Cinderella.", he cackled.
"Sigh. . .", went Laura.
"What's this?" Scarlet had gone upstairs, and found Laura's dress on the bed. "A dress? Wait! IT WAS YOU! I TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD NOT GO!", Scarlet yelled.
"But-!"
"TO YOUR ROOM!", bellowed Scarlet. "AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL I SAY! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT LISTENING!"
"BUT-!"
"GO!" Laura ran crying to her room, and flung herself on her bed, and not to wake up til morning.
"Who was that girl, my liege?", asked Tifa, after the ball. Her foot was dragging a bandage, from where the lobster attacked her.
"I don't know. But I must find out.", said Vincent. "I know, that she is the girl I'm looking for. But, how do find her, if I don't know her name?"
"There are more ways to find out who she is.", said Tifa.
"You have an idea?"
"I wouldn't be court advisor if I didn't."
"HEAR YE, HEAR YE!", yelled the town crier that next morning. Laura woke up to that noise. "THE PRINCE HAS A DECLARATION, REGARDING LAST NIGHT'S BALL!", shouted the crier.
"I just KNOW, he's declaring his love to me.", said Palmer, in a disgustingly girlish voice, wearing too much make-up.
"THE GIRL WHO OWNS THIS SHOE, WILL BE HIS BRIDE!" Many women looked around, and just shrugged, and figured they would simply pretend.
"Oh. . .!", said Laura. "For as long as I am locked in here, he will not find me. . .", she said sadly.
The fittings for the shoe went all morning, and into the afternoon. The prince was with the fitting group, and each time, the foot did not fit right. The women would squeeze in their feet, or they would get it stuck. What can I say? The women here have fat feet! Finally, they came around to the step-mother's house.
"Well, hello there, you majesty!", said Palmer.
"Forget this house.", said Vincent. "There aren't any girls here."
"Oh, how you tease!", said Palmer.
"I'm not. Let's go."
"BUT WAIT!", shouted Scarlet, running to the door. "Please, try us!" Vincent sighed.
"Fine. Why not? Present the slipper." The slipper was carried in, and Palmer was the first to try.
"WHOA!", said the fitter. "TOO FAT! And hairy. . .ick." Heideggar was next.
"EEW! TOO FAT, AND SMELL FUNKY!" Now it was Scarlet's turn.
"Too long.", said Vincent sadly. "She's not here." Pounding on the door was heard.
"Step-mother!", cried Cinderella. "Please let me out! I'm growing hungry in here!"
"Who is that?", asked Vincent. He was being averted from the door.
"It's nothing!", said Heideggar.
"Are you shoving the prince?", asked Vincent. Heideggar stepped back. "I thought so. Bring me the key." Scarlet produced the key, and Vincent ran up the stairs. Cinderella heard the door unlock.
"Oh, step-mother, I see you-!"
"Please. . .", said the prince, stepping in front of her, and kneeling, almost sure of what he thought. "Try on this glass slipper." Without a word of objection, Laura tried on the shoe, and it was a perfect fit. "IT FITS!"
"W-what does that mean?!", asked Laura, in shock at his expression. "Do I win something?"
"YOU ARE TO BE MY BRIDE!"
"WOOHOO!"
"Yeah. . .", said Holly. "She wrote this."
"I WILL NOT PERMIT IT!", yelled Scarlet. "I SHELTERED YOU! CLOTHED YOU!"
"Not well enough.", said Vincent. "Take her away."
"NOOOOOO!"
"And you. . .", said Vincent, turning to Cinderella. "I am going to make you the happiest girl in the world."
"I already am." Laura went up and hugged Vincent gently.
"AW GEEZ!", he thought. "Do not blush, do not blush, do not blush. . . Aw, who in hell am I kidding?!" He blushed.
"AWWWW!", said Rachel, watching the set change to after the wedding. "HE LIKES HER!"
"Are you the last one to notice?", asked Meagan.
"What? WHAT?!"
"You are to be the queen of this kingdom.", said Vincent, stepping into the carriage, drawn by white chocobos.
"Don't say that quite yet. . .", said Laura, hugging him and closing her eyes, almost taking a nap on his shoulder. "I just want to be with you."
"I think I'm gonna HURL. . .", said Mike, running to the bathroom.
"I'M COMING!", said Kami, running after.
"DON'T FORGET ME!", said Sadie, running with them.
Vincent thought his head was gonna explode.
"Um. . .", he said, forgetting his lines. "Oh yeah! But as for now, you will be with me. Remember, that even though you were a poor peasant girl, I love you."
"And those are the sweetest words I have ever heard. . .", said Laura, moving her head to his chest.
"Here we go. . .", said Rachel, biting her lip. "The kiss. . ."
Um. . ." Vincent was chickening out.
"VINCENT!", hissed Rachel from offstage. "THE KISS! THE PLAY IS RIDING ON THIS!" Looking down at the face that was so close to him, he closed his eyes tightly, gulped hard, bit down, and. . .and. . .YES! LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! VINCENT HAS FINALLY KISSED LAURA!
Laura opened her eyes during the kiss in shock. Was her really kissing her? It felt like it! Is that his tongue? Her eyes rolled back, and shut again.
"VINCENT!" Rachel was yelling at him again. "YOU'VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR 2 MINUTES NOW!"
"Huh? WHOOPS!" He finally broke off, the crowd on the edge of their seats. One stood up and clapped. Then the rest joined in.
"WOOHOO!", said Rachel. "SUCCESS!"
"Hot and heavy out there, eh Laura?", said Rachel, winking and nudging.
"Shut up.", said Laura.
"What? You got what you wished for!"
"It w-was nothing.", she said, walking faster.
"IT WAS TOO LONG AND WET TO BE NOTHING!"
"WELL IT WAS!", yelled Laura. "Let me be!"
"What was that about, Vincent?", asked Cloud, better now. "I heard what happened.
"SO WHAT IF I LIKE LAURA!", yelled Vincent. "SO WHAT IF I WAS KISSING HER FOR 2 MINUTES! BIG DEAL!"
"I meant the weird lines. . .", said Cloud.
"Oh. YOU HEARD NOTHING!"
"Sigh. . .Fine, be difficult.", said Rachel, walking away from Laura's room. "AND YOU STOP THAT!" Selena was making out with Reno in the middle of the hallway. "Sheesh. . ."
"Where is all the cheesecake?", asked Sadie.
"I don't know. I don't like it." Chewing was heard from the closet. LOUD chewing.
"What in hell is that?", asked Mike, opening the door. "OH MY GOD!" When he opened the door, he saw Palmer with cheesecake all over his face, gorging, still in the dress he had for a costume.
"What?"
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Laura: I AM HAPPY!
AN3: I knew you would be. . .sweats
Rachel: What was up the normal narration? It was WEIRD this time. And I quote, "I KNOW YOU'RE ALL PERVS!"
AN3: WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAVING A LITTLE FUN WHIL DOING THIS! I WAS BORED THIS ENTIRE TIME WRITING THIS!
Keo: Then why write it at all?
AN3: Okay, well, maybe I wasn't completely bored. And anyway, typing is more habit than chore now.
Tifa: Weird. . .
Mike: YOU LIKE LAURA!
Vincent: Shut up. This is what happens when the authoress is stupid.
AN3: AU CONTRAIRE! I am in the top 30 in the nation in math scores, and top 25 in literature and grammar!
Vincent: Are you sure you weren't holding those statistics upside down?
AN3: Shut up. SEE YOU NEXT! TIME! Okay, at least I hope. I'm gonna go to the cast party now.
Sadie: HIC!
AN3: DID SHE JUST DRINK ALL THE LIQUEUR?! THERE WERE SIX CASES OF BEER!
Laura: I think she did. . .
AN3: crying See you. . .sob . . .later. . .