Alternate Earth Bonus #1
The Night Before Christmas
A/N: Please, don't sue me.
'Twas the night before Christmas
when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
including one pervy louse glares at Cloud
Cloud: WHAAAAAAT?!
Aeris: Nevermind.
The stockings were hung, next to the cookies on a plate,
And if there were a Cloudy plushie there in the morning,
you know that'd be great.
Rachel and Laura were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of bishies,
danced in their heads.
And Tifa in her nightgown,
And I, in a big shirt,
had just fought about Cloud,
But hey, he's a big flirt.
Cloud: OH YEAH! I'M IN ALMOST EVERY STANZA!
Aeris: Shut up, you moron. Rachel wrote this thing.
Rachel: grinning
Aeris:
When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter,
I sprung from my bed,
to see what was the matter.
Away to the window,
I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters,
and threw up the sash.
Laura: What's a sash?
Aeris: No more interruptions PLEASE!
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
gave the luster of midday to the objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes, and to what I should know,
but a miniature sleigh,
and eight tiny chocobo!
With a tall, manly driver,
so handsome and deft,
I knew in a moment,
GOD RUN, IT SEPH!
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name,
"Now Funky! Now Stinky! Now Sneezy and Sleepy!
On Winky! On Blinky! On Inky and Wheezy!"
"To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash way all!"
Rachel: They can just walk everywhere, can't they?
Aeris: SHUT UP!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the housetop, the chocobo they flew,
With the sleigh full of who-knows-what,
and St. Sephiroth, too.
Cloud: St. Sephiroth?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!
Aeris: THE NEXT ONE TO TALK GET MY ROD UP THEIR ASS! silence Thank you.
The stump of a toothpick he held tight in his teeth,
and his eyes, were greener than holly on a wreath,
He had a broad chest, and broad shoulders too,
And when he smiled, I didn't know what to do.
(I mean, he smiled! He wanted to kill the world! Why in hell is he smiling?!)
He changed a bit,
The Planet made sure,
to make killing and burning,
bring to him a forbidden allure.
And I laughed when I saw him,
in spite of myself,
To see Sephiroth of all people,
brought down to a right happy elf!
A flash of a sneer,
and the lack of a sword,
soon gave me to know,
I wouldn't get gored.
(AGAIN! I KNOW!)
He spoke not a word,
and went straight to his work,
but ignored all the stockings,
whilst I kept thinking "WHAT A JERK!"
And laying his hand,
as he knelt to his feet,
jumped up back into the chimney,
in one giant leap.
He walked to his sleigh,
to his team gave a whistle,
and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him shout back,
ere he drove out of sight,
"WHY THE HELL AM I FORCED TO DO THIS!?
WATCH FOR YOUR LIVES NOW, THIS MERRY CHRISTMAS NIGHT!"
Everyone: ::blinkity blink, blink::
AN3: I MADE IT UP AS I WENT!
Tifa: I can see that. . .
Sephiroth: Now, WHY WAS I PORTRAYED LIKE THAT!?
AN3: It could've been worse, and I tried as hard as I could to keep your character!
Sephiroth: SURE YOU DID. . .
AN3: Fine, you evil jerk! sticks out tongue as he walks away Anyway, the Christmas episode will either be out Sunday, or maybe the 23rd. Whatever. SEE YA'!