Chapter 19: The Big, Big, Really, Really BIG Christmas Episode!
A/N: I don't own FF7. . .You KNOW who owns it. . .And you KNOWwho owns Laura. . . Merry Christmas! Don't sue! ...Oh, and speaking fo suing, most of these songs in here were made by someone else, not me! I believe they were made by...uh...MadMog, or someone like that....who was it? Ummmm....anyway, they're from this site, called Sephiroth O Kuku...I'm sure most of you have heard of it...so...yeah! ON WITH IT!
Rachel was singing a song in tune to "Deck the Halls" in the hallway of Tifa's house, decorating for the holidays.
"DECK THE HALLS WITH MATERIA! FA, LA, LA, LA, LAAAAA, LA, LA, LA, LAAAAAA! KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND AND ULTIMA! FA, LA, LA, LA, LAAAA, LA, LA, LA, LAAAAAAA! HELPS YOU IN TIMES OF PERIL! FA, LA, LA, FA, LA, LAA, LA, LA, LAAAAA!"
"RACHEL! WILL YOU SHUTUP?!", yelled Tifa, standing right next to her.
"Er, sorry Tifa. . .", said Rachel. The halls were decorated with garlands and wreaths and everything you could think of, and Lucrecia and Aeris were decorating the bottom floor.
"How's it going?", asked Vincent, walking through the door with a box of decorations in his arms, and kissed Lucrecia briefly on the cheek.
"You are going down. . ." Laura was once again perched on the roof in spy gear, wearing binoculars over her eyes, and looking in the window at the smiling Lucrecia. "ONE DAY, VINNIE WILL BE MINE! I SWEAR TO THE GODS ABOVE! WHA?! WWWWAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH!" She yelled so hard, she lost balance and fell off the roof. "Owie."
"Cloud's gonna love this. . .", said Aeris with a big smile.
"What?", asked Rachel
"MISTLETOE!"
"Oh yeah, baby. . .", said Rachel, picturing her and Cloud under the mistletoe. "I KNOW he'll love it, heh, heh. . ."
"I hate gravity.", said Laura, opening the door, and completely covered with snow. Outside, the ground was blanketed with six inches of snow, so her fall was cushioned.
"Laura, were you putting up the lights like I asked?", asked Vincent.
"Of COURSE, Vinnie!", said Laura, immediately attaching herself to his torso. "JUST LIKE YOU SAID!"
"We'll see. . . OH MY GOD!" He walked outside and back away from the sight of his mansion. It had some of the world's tackiest decorations. "WHAT EXPLODED ALL OVER MY LAWN?! A 50 OFF SALE AT WOOLWORTH'S?!"
"You told me to."
"NOT ALL THIS! I'M GOING BLIND! AGH!"
"I HAVE THE WRAPPING PAPER!", announced Cloud, busting in, wearing a jacket and a scarf. "Did anybody get the presents?"
"I'll give YOU your present early. . .", giggled Rachel.
"OH NO, YOU STAY AWAY!"
"BUT TIS THE SEASON!"
"NOT TO BO BLIND AND PUKE! AWAY!"
"Awww. . ."
"Cloudy. . .", said Aeris, pointing up. "Mistletoe!" She promptly began making out with him, and well, he didn't seem to care. Tifa however was looking down the stairs with fireballs practically shooting out of her eyes.
"GRRRRRR!"
"EEK! Uh, Aeris?", said Lucrecia in a whimpering voice, tugging at her sleeve. Aeris broke off from the make out session, but Cloud didn't seem to.
"What?"
"Eee. . ." Aeris looked to where Lucrecia was pointing, and saw Tifa, putting in some summon materia in her glove.
"Um, Cloud?"
"Yeah babe?"
"I think you should stop. . ."
"Why?"
"ULTIMA!", shouted Tifa.
"OH MY-AAAAAAGGHH!"
"FA, LA ,LA, LA, LAAA, LA, LA, LA, LAAAAAAH!", sang Yuffie, off in Wutai. "GODO! What's the plan?", she asked.
"We don't celebrate Christmas. We're Shinto.", he replied.
"Maybe YOU adhere to that, BUT I CELBRATE CHRISTMAS! Come on! It'll be fun!"
"No."
"DO IT, OR I'LL HATE YOU!", she said in a spoiled tone.
"Oh please. That might've worked when you were three, but you're seventeen. That's not gonna work."
"Well, that was gonna get old sometime.", she sighed. "But we're just as rich as Reeve, so we should get everybody a present!"
"SHINTO!", he spelled out in the air.
"PRESENTS!", Yuffie spelled out. "Fine. Gimme that." She reached in Godo's pocket and took out the Shinra Express credit card. "I'LL go shopping. You stay here."
"BUT THERE'S NO CREDIT LIMIT FOR THAT!"
"THAT'S WHY I TOOK IT, ALONG WITH YOUR PLATINUM MATERIA MASTERCARD!"
"Mmm. . .", whimpered Godo.
"Owie. . .", said Cloud, being healed by Rachel.
"Eeee. . .", muttered Aeris, while Vincent used Cure on her.
"Hmmph, serves you right!", said Tifa. RING RING! Rachel received a call on her PHS.
"Yeah?", asked Rachel.
"YO! It's Yuffie!", said a cheerful voice on the phone.
"Oh, hey Yuffie. Aeris and Cloud just got a little incinerated over here, so make it quick, I'm healing the burns."
"I'm celebrating Christmas this year! So, I thought we'd all go shopping!"
"WOOHOO! When?"
"I'll be there in a sec!" Yuffie hung up.
"I'M DONE, I'M DONE!", yelled Cloud. "Jesus, don't heal me more than I need."
"Who was that?", asked Laura, helping Aeris to her feet.
"Yuffie! WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!"
"I thought we already did this.", said Tifa, walking to the barn with all the other girls.
"NOPE! I USE THIS ONLY ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS!" Rachel walked in and pressed a button on her keypad, and the lights to her blue viper came on. "LET'S ROLL!"
"Aw, Shera, do I have to?", moaned Cid.
"Come on, it won't be as bad as you think.", said Shera.
"Since when were YOU in charge of this &! house? I liked it better when I'd chew you out!"
"TOO BAD! I SAVED YOUR KIESTER! NOW GET INSIDE THE PICTURE!" Cid trudged over in front of the camera dressed like an elf, and stood next to Shera who pressed the button.
"OKAY! CHEESE!" The camera gave a flash, and Shera sent out all the pictures on the Christmas card.
"YOU JUST DIDN'T!", yelled Cid.
"Fine, then I didn't.", said Shera.
"BUT YOU DID!"
"Then I did."
"AGH!
"Where are we headed to?", asked Laura to Rachel, driving the car.
"Who sells the best stuff?", said Rachel.
"I dunno.", said Yuffie. "Let's just go to Midgar and stuff."
"GOING! BUT FIRST, WE NEED TO PICK UP SHERA!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE CID'S GOING TO GO WITH THE GUYS SHOPPING!"
"Is that such a good idea?", asked Tifa. "That wasn't such a hot idea the LAST time we left them all together."
"TOO BAD! THAT'S THE PLAN!"
Reeve was sitting at his posh and styled home in Midgar, sitting in front of the fireplace in a comfy leather couch while listening to music and reading a book, when the telephone rang behind him.
"AGH! DAMN!", he yelled in surprise. "Hello? Who is this? Really? And how do you know? Help with what?" He put his feet up in interest in the immobile Cait Sith, that he used as a foot rest or an ottoman when he wasn't in use. "And why should I? How can I believe you? A lot of people have searched for her. . . I suppose. Yes, I shall. That necessary? Okay then. I'll do this. And by the way, she's fine, just fine. Yes, I'll tell her that. I'll do that. Good-bye." Reeve hung up the phone, and turned Cait Sith back on. "We're going, Cait."
"AERIS GOT A RUN THROUGH BY A SEPHYYYY!!!!", sang Rachel at the top of her lungs, driving, and Laura joined in at the refrain.
"WALKING HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE!
YOU MAY SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SEPHY,
BUT AS FOR ME AND CLOUD, WE BELIEVE!
SHE'D BEEN DRINKIN' TOO MUCH EGG NOG,
AND WE'D BEGGED HER NOT TO GO!
BUT SHE'D LEFT HER ROD AND MATERIA,
SO SHE STUMBLED OUT INTO THE SNOW!
WHEN THEY FOUND HER THE NEXT MORNIN',
AT THE SCENE OF THE ATTACK,
THERE WERE SILVER HAIRS ON HER FOREHEAD,
AND INCRIMINATIN' SWORD MARKS ON HER BACK!"
Aeris was growing more annoyed by every line Rachel and Laura sang, but she figured they didn't have lyrics for the entire song, she didn't say anything. But they still sang.
"AERIS GOT RUN THROUGH BY A MASAMUNE,
WALKIN' HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE!
YOU MAY SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SEPHY,
BUT AS FOR ME AND CLOUDY WE BELIEVE!
NOW WE'RE ALL SO PROUD OF CLOUD,
HE'S BEEN TAKIN' THIS SO WELL!
SEE HIM IN THERE WEARING HER DRESS,
DOING NAUGHTY THINGS WITH HIS FRIEND ZECHS!
IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS WITHOUT AERIS,
ALL THE FAMILY'S DRESSED IN BLACK!
AND WE CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER:
SHOULD WE OPEN UP HER GIFTS OR SEND THEM BACK?!
AERIS GOT A RUN THROUGH BY A MASAMUNE,
WALKIN' HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE!
YOU CAN SAY THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SEPHY,
BUT AS FOR ME AND CLOUDY WE BELIEVE!
NOW TIFA'S ON THE TABLE,
AND THE PUDDING MADE OF PIG!
AND A PRETTY SILVER CANDLE,
THAT WOULD HAVE MATCHED THE HAIR IN SEPHY'S WIG!
I'VE WARNED ALL MY FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS,
'BETTER WATCH OUT FOR YOURSELVES!'
THEY SHOULD NEVER GIVE A MASAMUNE
TO A MAN WHO'S LOONIER THAN HOJO HIMSELF!
AERIS GOT A RUN THROUGH BY A MASAMUNE,
WALKIN' HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVE!
YOU CAN SAY THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SEPHY,
BUT AS FOR ME AND CLOUDY WE BELIEVE!"
"Are you done?!", asked Aeris, through clenched teeth.
"And WHAT about me?", asked Tifa.
"I THOUGH IT WAS CATCHY!", said Yuffie happily. Aeris and Tifa turned around at her. "Um, nevermind."
"Any more songs?", asked Laura.
"I've got one, but we're already here!", said Rachel, coming into the snow-covered Rocket town. "Okay!" BEEP, BEEP! Rachel honked the horn, and Shera came bustling out.
"Hey!", said Shera, hopping into the small car. "Did you see?"
"See what?", asked Tifa.
"THIS!"
"SHERA!", yelled Cid, coming out. "DON'T! AW SHIT!" Shera was already showing them a picture of him, in an elf suit. "DAMMIT SHERA!"
"Sorry Cid, but it was too cute!", said Shera.
"AWWWWW. . .!"
"Ready, Cloud?", asked Vincent, ready to go, warm enough in his cloak. "Cid'll be here in the Highwind soon!"
"Ready.", said Cloud. "What should I get Tifa?"
"Still aiming for her, Cloud?", asked Vincent. "Aeris likes you."
"No, DUH.", said Cloud. "I just figure I should try again."
"Why?"
"Best um. . .nevermind. I'll just wing it."
"This is it.", said Reeve, walking to a house in the slums. It was in an alleyway, and he saw a small figure walk forward to him.
"Thank you for coming.", said the figure. "It means a lot."
"Why don't you go to her yourself?"
"It might be too much for me. . .", the figure said. "To see her again."
"So I'm your ticket to keep an eye on her?", asked Reeve?
"Yes. I know you'll be fine for this job."
"It's Christmas. Do something for her. Or for yourself. Whichever one it is. I'll go and find her." Reeve trudged out of the alleyway, and the figure stood there, and called back, 'I will!'"
"I SAW AERIS KISSIN' SEPHIROTH,
UNDERNEATH THE MISTLETOE LAST NIGHT!
OH, HOW FUNNY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN,
IF CLOUDY HAD ONLY SEEN,
AERIS KISSIN' SEPHIROTH LAST NIGHT!"
Rachel was singing again, and Aeris was twice as annoyed.
"HE KILLED ME!", she yelled. "WHY THE HELL WOULD I BE KISSING HIM?!"
"MISTLETOE!", said Rachel. "TRADITION!"
"I HAVE A SONG!", said Yuffie.
"HERE COMES SEPHIROTH, HERE SOMES SEPHIROTH,
RIGHT DOWN CHOCOBO LANE!
RENO AND RUFUS AND ALL THE OTHER TURKEYS
ALL RUNNIN' AWAY!
MASAMUNE SWINGIN' AND EVIL LAUGHTER RINGIN'
THE GENERAL SHOWIN' HIS MIGHT!
RUN FOR SHELTER AND SAY YOUR PRAYERS,
'CAUSE SEPHIROTH'S COMIN' TONIGHT!"
"GRRRR!", growled Aeris. "Are these ALL about him?"
"Pretty much, yes.", said Rachel. "COME ON! HE HAS THE SAME RYTHMN IN HIS NAME AS SANTA CLAUSE!" They continued on, singing renditions of, "Roland, the Red Chocobo", all the way to Midgar (don't ask how in a car, they just did), and were nearing their destination.
"ROLAND, THE RED CHOCOBO,
HAD A VERY SHINY BEAK!
AND IF YOU EVER SAW IT,
YOU WOULD PROBABLY CALL HIM A FREAK!
ALL OF THE OTHER CHOCOBOS,
WENT AND LAUGHED AND CALLED HIM NAMES!
THEY WOULDN'T LET POOR ROLAND,
PLAY IN ANY CHOCOBO GAMES!
THEN ONE FOGGY CHRISTMAS EVE,
SEPHIROTH CAME TO SAY,
ROLAND, WITH YOUR BLOOD RED PLUMAGE,
COME AND SLAY, 'CAUSE SOME DOOM AND DAMAGE!
THEN ALL THE CHOCOBOS FEARED HIM,
STEED OF THE FORMAL GENERAL!
GO UP AGAINST THEM,
AND YOU GO TO YOUR FUNERAL!"
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!", yelled Tifa. "QUIET!"
"WE'RE HERE!", said Rachel.
"DIH!"
"Ready, guys?", asked Cid, as Cloud and Vincent walked on board, with Godo standing in the corner.
"No daughter of mine. . .", he mumbled.
"I see Godo and Yuffie have had another disagreement.", said Vincent. "But where are we going?"
"Kalm.", said Cid. "They have a new mall over there."
"Cid, I got this e-mail from Shera. . .", said Cloud. "Is this you?"
"AGH!", yelled Cid, taking the picture that Cloud had printed.
"Nice elf hat, Cid.", said Vincent, stifling a laugh. "And those green tights are so YOU."
"SHUT UP!"
"Where's Barret?", asked Cloud.
"He and Red went off on their own. Barret said he doesn't need to go, and 'hang out with a perv, a vampire, and a hillbilly.' Red said that he didn't have anybody to shop for. A DAMN HILLBILLY?!", shouted Cid. "HOW IN HELL DID HE GET THAT NAME?!"
"Just pilot this thing, Cid.", said Vincent.
"Damn critics. . ."
"What do you think Vincent would like?", asked Aeris to Tifa.
"A maid.", said Tifa, eyeing the fighting gloves. "Do you know how many corpses I found in his basement?!"
"Eleven. . .", said Laura. "If you wish to be exact."
"You counted?", asked Rachel, dodging a stampede of shoppers. The wall market was crowded with people, making last minute shopping choices.
"OF COURSE! I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT VINNIE!", said Laura proudly.
"Then where was he born?", asked Tifa.
"Uh. . .NOT FAIR!", shouted Laura. "HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!"
"Exactly. Don't make such a claim. . ."
"Why?! Do YOU know what age he got his wisdom teeth pulled?!", asked Laura.
"Um, fourteen?", guessed Tifa.
"NOPE! HE STILL HAS HIS!", said Laura. "I COUNTED!"
"You counted the man's teeth.", said Rachel. "HIS TEETH!"
"Yeah. So?"
"Good point. Cloud doesn't have his wisdom teeth though."
"ARE YOU TWO GONNA TAKE UP DENTISTRY?!", asked a disgruntled woman behind them. "DO IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"
"Shut up, old bag. . .", mumbled somebody in front of them.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!", bellowed the large woman.
"Calm down. . .", said a woman beside the black haired man that insulted the woman. Their backs were turned, so none of them knew who they were. "He'll move, WON'T YOU?!"
"OUCH!" The woman elbowed him to move. "You're supposed to be nice. . . All right lady, I'll move." The man turned around a bit, and Rachel and Aeris immediately knew who he was. Zack? The corner of his eye noticed their presence, and in a hurry, grabbed the woman, and ran, only to disappear in the crowd, after Rachel and Aeris scouted for them.
"Was that. . .?", asked Rachel.
"I think so. . .", said Aeris. "I'd know his face anywhere. . ."
"That's because he looks like Cloud, but with longer, black hair."
"Or the other way around. It's a mix-up, I'm sure.", said Aeris dismissively. "Back to shopping. . ."
"WHEEEEE!!!!", shouted Cloud, running through the stores, on a small bike. "FUN!"
"He's an IDIOT. . .", mumbled Vincent. He turned around, and saw a mechanical pony. Checking around cautiously, he neared it, hopped on, inserted a quarter, and when it started, he was as giddy as a little kindergartener, on sugar and Barney.
"Saviors if the planet?", asked Godo to Cid. "Really?"
"STOPPIT!", yelled Cid. "DAMMIT!" The two men both stopped, and when Vincent got off, a line of other kids had already formed. One kid stuck out his tongue at Vincent as he got off, and Vincent pointed his gun for a brief moment, until the kid put his tongue back in.
"Yeah, Cid?", asked Cloud.
"WE'RE HERE TO GET THESE DAMN PRESENTS, THEN, WE GO BACK TO OUR OWN $#$! LIVES! ALL RIGHT?!"
"Yeah, sure. . .", said Vincent. "Can I ride the pony?"
"NO!"
"Five hours til' the store closes!", said Tifa. "And tomorrow, as we all know, IS CHRISTMAS!"
"Why did we wait til' today to shop, and decorate?", asked Rachel.
"Because SOMEBODY burned down Lucrecia's house, and we had to fix that first.", said Tifa.
"It's fine, Tifa.", said Lucrecia. "Don't get angry at her."
"She needs DISCIPLINE!", said Tifa. "DISCIPLINE!"
"Not all of us can kick the shit out of a Nibel Dragon when we're sixteen, Tifa.", said Aeris. "CHEER UP! IT'S CHRISTMAS!"
"I have one question, though.", said Laura.
"What?"
"It's snowing here in the wall market. But, we're below one of Midgar's plates. Why is there snow? And why does it look cleaner, friendlier, and have bricks and cobblestones on the roads now?"
"The managed to get rid of the hobos.", said Aeris. "They never leave."
"Oh. Right. . ."
"I've got Lucrecia's present.", said Vincent. "A SLASH-ALL MATERIA CRYSTAL BANGLE!"
"She doesn't have a weapon, Vincent.", said Cloud. "What's she need slash-all for?"
"Oh right. . ."
"SMOKES!", said Cid, walking out of the pharmacy with a carton of cigars. "AH HA!"
"Jesus Cid, didn't you buy anything for Shera?"
"It's not like we're married.", he said. "And she annoys the HELL out of me!"
"Then why not evict her from your house?"
"She makes a damn good pot of tea."
"God. . .", they sighed.
"Is this an arcade?", asked Rachel, walking into a tiny shack with Laura, seeing what looks like a videogame. "Let me see. . . WAUGH!" The gun behind her fired as soon as she activated it.
"I DIDN'T LOSE YET!", said Rachel. "YOU CAN'T KILL ME NOW!"
"Rachel, it always does that.", said Laura. "And we've been wandering around for an hour. It's four more hours until the stores close! I already have some Demi materia for Vincent, some stuff Cloud wanted me to pick up from the Honeybee Inn, whatever it is, I got Aeris a revive materia, just in case she happened to die almost rather off-handedly again from a certain one winged angel, and I still need to pick up some stuff!"
"Fine. . .", sighed Rachel.
"I'm going to the bathroom. Go and get whatever you need. I'll meet you up around Don Corneo's house."
"Yeah, sure. . .", said Rachel. Laura left for the bathroom, and Rachel promptly kicked the machine. "BLARGH!" It fired again. "DAMN YOU!" She trudged out angrily, and as soon as she left, it came apart, and revealed a pile of gil. "Damn good for nothing machine. . ."
"YAY!", said Godo. "I WIN!"
"What?"
"A MASTERED SET OF MATERIA!", said Godo. "I think it's because I had this earth harp, or whatever."
"YOU NEED TO DEFEAT EMERALD WEAPON FOR THAT!", shouted Cloud. "HOW?!"
"Family heirloom. Have a butt load of those.", he said. "It's a part of being rich. AND I GOT THIS GOLD CHOCOBO, TOO!"
"WARK!" The chocobo was standing happily behind him.
"Hoo boy. . ."
"La, la, laaa. . .", sang Rachel, walking through the less cluttered streets of the wall market at the back. "I've gotten Tifa's present, Laura's present, Cloudy's present, hee. . . Now I only have a little bit left! Now, where is she?" Rachel was standing around the front of Don Corneo's house, waiting. She decided to take a stroll, until Laura came. Instead, what came was the noticed black flutter of a leather cloak. "Anybody there?" She saw the cloak disappear around the corner into an alley, where the break in the plate was to the surface. She rounded the corner, and hit somebody, falling on her bum. "SORRY! I- WHAT?!" Sephiroth himself was there.
"Tell me. . .he said in a deep voice, smooth and low, reaching for his masamune. "Why I shouldn't kill you."
"Sephy, stay back!", said a girl in black jeans, a black tank top, a white button up over shirt, black hair, and vivid MAKO blue eyes. "I shall handle this one." She swiftly reached the hilt of her sword, flashing it out aiming for Rachel's throat. Until in a clash of sparks, it stopped.
"Eeee. . .", whined Rachel, who had deftly taken out her sword in defense. She barely managed to block the long sword this girl had taken out. She scrambled to her feet, and took the fighting stance.
"NOBODY BLOCKS MY BLADE!", shouted the girl. "I SHALL-
"Stop right there, Surka.", said Sephiroth. "You won't stand a chance against her. I know that stance."
"But, Sephy-
"STOP! I need you as a key. . . You, girl.", said Sephiroth, moving his hand away from his sword. He pointed a finger at Rachel. "You have forgotten what you have seen. Tell Cloud nothing." He walked away, with that girl following.
"PHEW!"
"Yes, my pack mule!", laughed Godo, piling on Christmas presents for the court. He was stacking them, to his chocobo's displeasure, on it's back.
"Godo, you're Shinto.", said Vincent. "What's up?"
"SO MUCH STUFF!", he said. "ON SALE! THIS TRULY IS A BLESSED HOLIDAY!"
"Hey guys, guess what I have. . .", said Cloud, walking up.
"More cigars? Beer?", guessed Cid. "PORN?!"
"NOPE!", said Cloud. "BETTER!"
"Better then porn?!", asked Cid. "IMPOSSIBLE!"
"IT IS SOOO POSSIBLE!", said Cloud. "FIFTY GALLONS OF HAIR GEL, HALF OFF!"
"DIH! YOU SPIKY HAIRED IDIOT!", yelled Cid. "WHY HAIR GEL?! WE DON'T USE IT!"
"If it were Pantene Pro-V, it would be a different story. . .", muttered Vincent.
"What was that?"
"NOTHING!"
"Hey Rachel! Jesus, it looks like you saw Barney.", said Laura coming over. "I BOUGHT THESE REALLY COOL DAGGERS! WANNA SEE?!"
"I don't think so. . .", said Rachel.
"Rachel doesn't want to handle pointy, hazardous objects? Now I KNOW something's wrong. Would burning down Don Corneo's mansion help?", asked Laura. "It's right there."
"It's nothing. . .", said Rachel. "Let's go."
"Without burning things?"
"Okay, we'll just ransack his house, then burn it.", said Rachel. "FIRST TO HIS EVIL LOOKING LAB ROOM FIRST GETS TO TORMENT THE FIRST HENCHMAN!"
"YAY!"
"SO MANY LINES!!!", thought Tifa, waiting in yet another line. "And why do I smell smoke? I ONLY HAVE A HALF-HOUR LEFT! AND I NEED TO PAY FOR ALL THESE THINGS?! WHERE IS AERIS?!"
"This looks like something Cloud would like. . .", thought Aeris. "No, nevermind. I need to find something special." Her mind flashed back to the guy that looked like Zack. "No, it couldn't be. . .", she said. "I need to focus! AHA! PERFECT!"
"She looks happy. . .", said the woman, to the black-haired man. "Good. Why are we here, anyway?"
"I've been given a chance to see her again.", he said. "I'M NOT GONNA SCREW UP! The planet said, that if I win her back in a day, it'll leave me here. And, since YOU have a part in this happy story, I picked you and the other dude to come."
"You mean D-
"SHHH!", hissed the man. "SHE'LL HEAR!"
"Yes, I'd like this please.", said Aeris to the salesman. He rung it up, and she paid him the money, and left with a smile on her face, past the two.
"Has her father's damn swagger.", said the woman. "I KNEW he had such bad posture."
"You're concerned with her POSTURE?!", shouted the man. "You're incredible, you know that?"
"LOOK WHO I FOUND!", said the other man they brought with them. "MY ASSISTANT!" He pointed to Lucrecia, crossing the street. "SUCH GENIUS! AND SHE BOUGHT A NEW LAB SET! SHE HASN'T LOST HER TOUCH!"
"In love with her, are you?", asked the woman, annoyed.
"It's not like that!"
"Surrrrre. . . Let's get this mission done with."
"Wow, I hope Cloud likes this.", thought Aeris. She looked around in the crowded street, full of people hugging and smiling, children laughing, and the all around togetherness that the Christmas season has. "Everybody this time of year has somebody to hold on to. Family, friends, somebody. . . Family. . . Hmm. . ."
"WOOHA!", shouted Rachel, bobbing up beside her. "HIYA AERIS!"
"BLAAAAGH!", Aeris screamed. "Oh, hi Rachel."
"Are ya' ready to go?" Aeris just looked out a little blankly across the street, looking at a happy family, and a smiling couple.
"I guess I am."
"Her data doesn't exist. . .", said Reeve to himself, looking into a computer screen in a dim room. "It's as if she never existed at all. . . I swore I'd find information without her knowing, but why would they want all this? I'll just have to find out myself." Reeve took his jacket, and left out the door.
"FINISHED!", said Vincent, walking out of the weapon's shop.
"Whatcha get?!", asked Cloud. "COME ON!"
"NOOOOO!", said Vincent, pushing Cloud away.
"I KNOW IT'S SOMETHING SPECIAL!", teased Cloud. "YOINK!" He grabbed the item out of Vincent's bag. "AWWWW!" It was a special synthesized bangle, between a crystal bangle, precious watch, and minerva band, to make a choker with materia slots. "IT'S EVEN ENGRAVED!" In it's silver band, in letters on the back, it said, "Even if it's not meant to be, at least we'll have this Christmas, this bangle, this bond. Eternally, Vincent."
"SHUT UP!", said Vincent, snatching back. "It's nothing. . ."
"WHO'S IT FOR?!", jumped in Cid. "LUCRECIA?! SMOOCHY!"
"SHUT UP!"
"I SEE HE'S BECOME A ROMANTIC!", said Cloud. "AWWW! SO CUTE!"
"SHUT UP!"
"Ma-
"QUIET!" Vincent whipped out his shotgun.
"OKAY! JESUS!", said Cid. "Don't have to blow out our damn brains. . ."
"I can't. You don't have any. . .", mumbled Vincent.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
"Nothing!"
"We're back!", announced Rachel, walking up with Laura to Tifa.
"Good, I just got my stuff."
"BACK!", said Yuffie, with Shera and Lucrecia. "MUAHAHAHA! MATERIA!"
"I'm here!", said Aeris.
"LET'S GO!" Rachel and the others walked back to the car, and realized, WHERE IN HELL ARE ALL THE PRESENTS GONNA GO?!
"Hey, Vincent!", asked Cid.
"What?"
"I know something that'll cheer you up!"
"Wh-AAAAAGH!" Cid and Cloud pushed him into Santa's lap, in a department store.
"SANTA!", said Cloud.
"I am NOT gonna do this!", said Vincent.
"Stop being such an ass!", said an elf, pushing him back down as he tried to stand up. "Now, just go through with this."
"YOU SAID 'ASS'!", said a kid, pointing his finger to the elf. "Put a dollar in the swear jar!"
"I'LL SHOVE YOU IN A SWEAR JAR!", said the elf. Cid was highly amused.
"WAUGH! MOMMY!"
"HAHAHAHA!", laughed Cid. "Happy little elves I think not!"
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"I know!", said Rachel. "Let's put the excess stuff in the shack over there!"
"Are you sure it won't be taken?", asked Tifa, skeptically. "I mean, anybody could break into there."
"Nobody's here!" All the shops were closed, so nobody had a reason to be in the wall market. "SURE!" They hopped into the car, and fit what they could, then drove off.
"They left their stuff here.", said the black-haired man. "Perfect."
"What are you planning?", asked the woman. "Oh no. You're not suggesting. . ."
"We take up our old jobs?", asked the man. "Why not?"
"I'm not sure the Planet would like it. . .", said the older man. "I mean, we WERE good at our jobs, but we're here on business."
"THIS IS OUR BUSINESS GUYS!", said the black haired man. "And, nothing could be more perfect! I have just the person to do this to, as well. . ." He lifted an orb out of his pocket, that looked like clear materia, and the face of a happy, singing Rachel came up on it.
"OH WHAT FUN, IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE CHOCOBO OPEN SLEIGH!", she sang.
"She's a bit. . .dumb.", said the woman. "You sure?"
"I also have Aeris' present. . .", said the black-haired man. "We could do this to both. At least to that one. . ." Now, Zack was pointing to Tifa, covering her ears to drown out the singing. "What's her name? Tifa? I think she was that mountain tour guide from eight years ago."
"BRILLIANT!", said the older guy. "Although I'd hate to make Aeris cry or something. . ."
"Stop being so sensitive.", said the black-haired one. "It's not like I won't feel bad about it. What about you, Ifalna?"
"You know how I'll feel.", she said. "I won't like it, but if this is how you want to play it out. . ."
"Good. This is our plan. . ."
"Tell me what you want, little boy! HO, HO, HO!", laughed Santa, Vincent looking demeaned with a candy cane in hand.
"I don't want anything. . .", said Vincent. "I KNOW! LET ME GO YOU GODLESS SACK OF LARD!"
"Did you just call Santa a name?", asked the so-called Santa.
"YOU HAVE SATURATED CHRISTMAS WITH COMMERCIALS, SO WE HAVE ALL LOST RELIGIOUS MEANING! YOU ARE NO SAINT! SACRELIGIOUS!", yelled Vincent.
"HO, HO, HO!"
"Someone shoot me now. . ."
"Okay, the presents should be here. . .", said Rachel, looking around. "I'm sure they're supposed to be here. . ." Rachel brought along Aeris, Tifa, and Laura, to help haul the stuff. "Oops."
"OOPS?!", asked Tifa. "WHAT IS 'OOPS'?! I SPENT A LOT OF GIL ON THESE PRESENTS!"
"Well, you might wanna try something else. . .", said Rachel.
"Does that mean Cloud's gift is gone?", asked Aeris. "And it was perfect. . ."
"Sorry Aeris. . .", said Rachel. "Look, you can blame me-
"BLAME!", shouted Tifa, pointing her finger. "BLAME!"
"OR!", said Rachel. "You can forgive me."
"CHOICE NUMBER ONE!"
"Calm down.", said Laura. "Don't you thing she feels guilty enough?"
"No."
"Nevermind. . .", she sighed.
"Not here. . .", said Reeve, in Nibelheim. "I can't believe I'm doing this. . .Did I agree to this just to be nice? Come on, she's not here." Cait Sith was jumping about behind him.
"Where else would she be?", it asked.
"That's what I want to know. Do you think. . .? Nah, her shopping should be done by now. Let's go. They're on there own. I have enough info for that."
"That was so demeaning. . .", said Vincent, flying back on the Highwind.
"THAT WAS HILARIOUS!", shouted Cid, laughing so hard he was crying. "YOU NEARLY SHOT ALL THE ELVES!"
"THEY LOOKED AT ME FUNNY, THOSE PINT-SIZED CANNIBALS!", yelled Vincent.
"They're hired.", said Cloud. "And Godo had a better time."
"YAY!", said Godo, with candy canes in hand. "I LOVE THIS HOLIDAY!"
"It's a religious holiday, you know?", asked Cloud. "You're still Shinto."
"BIG WHOOP! WHERE DO I SIGN UP TO JOIN YOUR PAGAN RITUALS?!" They all sighed.
"Nevermind, Godo. . ."
"Great, I screwed up Christmas. . .", said Rachel to herself, trudging along the dark, empty streets of the wall market, in Sector 6. "I lost the presents, of all things. . ."
"Something wrong?" It was the black-haired man, but his face was nestled snug in a red cotton scarf. "I can tell."
"I screwed up Christmas. What are you, a hobo?", she asked.
"No, just someone who loves long walks. Where are you from?"
"Not of this world. Would you believe that?"
"Of course. Same here."
"WHAT?!", said Rachel. "IS THERE ANY WAY TO GET BACK?!"
"I see you must not like it here if you're so eager to leave."
"I wish I'd never come here. . .", said Rachel. "Maybe it would be better that way."
"Well, have an appointment at twelve.", said the man, looking at the clear orb, showing Tifa finishing decorations. "But I can try."
"What do you mean?", asked Rachel. "I'm here, and nothing can change that."
"I can. Look." He undid the scarf, and Rachel's eyes grew wider.
"ZACK?! I KNEW IT!", shouted Rachel. "Wow, you do look like Cloud."
"Thieving bastard, he took my sword. . .", said Zack. "I LOVED THAT SWORD! AND HE NEVER WAS A SOLDIER EITHER!"
"CALM DOWN!", shouted Rachel. "What was it about me never coming here?"
"I can change that.", he said.
"So, you're the angel of what?"
"Not necessarily angel. . .", he said. "More of a. . .field unit of Planet."
"What's it like there?"
"Oh lovely this time of year! I me- HEY! BACK ON TOPIC! Okay. . ." He was flipping through a book called "Miracles for Dummies", and looked back up at Rachel. "OKAY! CUE THE FOG!" A fog began enshrouding them, clouding up everything. "Rachel, what I'm about to show you, is this world if you never came here. We return to Wutai, where the palace is. Does this look familiar?"
"Yeah.", said Rachel. "OF COURSE! But how would I affect Yuffie?"
"YUFFIE!", shouted a man, who looked rather ugly. "COME!" Yuffie jumped out from the ceiling, dressed in great clothing.
"SEE?!", said Rachel. "She's just fine!"
"Yes. . .dear.", mumbled Yuffie.
"Wait. WHAT?!"
"Yep.", said Zack. "Without your appearance, Aeris never would have brought over Kalana, and Yuffie would've had to get married. Plus, Godo picked this guy, because it is customary for the man to rule."
"Damn sexists. . .", said Rachel. "Why aren't they noticing us?"
"You never existed in this world Rachel!", said Zack. "You couldn't possibly interact if you were never here!"
"Good point."
"Come!", said the ugly man, of about thirty. "To the. . .bedchamber. . .", said the man.
"EEEEW!", shouted Rachel. "EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! IT BURNS! THE IMAGES, THEY BURN! YUFFIE, DON'T DO IT!"
"Yes. . .", she sighed.
"Where is Kalana when you need her?", asked Rachel.
"She's out of town.", said Zack. "She's not even from here. She came for Godo's martial arts school, but Tifa was in charge of advertising it as well. Without your appearance, it wasn't necessary for her to get a job. She works hard to keep you in her house, you know."
"I thought she kept me around for a free punching bag. . ."
"Come, to our next stop!", he said. "I HAVE A SCHEDULE TO KEEP! LET'S GO!"
"Where in hell is Rachel?", asked Tifa, to Aeris. "Wait. WHERE'S AERIS?!"
"AERIS!", said a commanding voice.
"Wha?" She woke up, from a nap in front of the fireplace. Tifa was over at Cloud's decorating.
"Wake up, honey!", said another voice.
"Who? You look familiar. . ." Aeris was looking up into the woman's face, who had the same hair and eyes. "Mom?"
"YES!", she said. "HAHA! YOU OWE ME MONEY!"
"Whatever. . .", said the man, who had used that voice. "We're married, we shouldn't gamble against each other. . ."
"Dad? I think.", said Aeris. "Who are you?"
"BOOYAH!", said Ifalna. "AND SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER YOU! THAT'S ANOTHER HUNDRED GIL!"
"I get it. . .", the man sighed. "I am Dr. Gast.", said he. "I am your father."
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", yelled Aeris. "Wait. No, I think that's right."
"Now where are we?", asked Rachel. "Why is it so cold?"
"We're in Icicle Inn.", said Zack. "Look." He pointed to Lucrecia, walking around with Hojo.
"HOJO!", yelled Rachel. "THE WEENIE MUST DIE!"
"YOU NEVER EXISTED IN THIS WORLD!", yelled Zack. "MORON!"
"Oh yeah, that's right."
"This is enough reason in itself.", said Zack. "Hojo would be alive, and Vincent would never see Lucrecia again."
"EEEEWW!", said Rachel. "THEY'RE KISSING! AND HE'S LIKE, MIDDLE AGED, AND LUCRECIA IS 25!"
"I know. Sad, isn't it? This world isn't the same without you. . ."
"But this still isn't enough.", said Rachel.
"No turning back?"
"Let's see more."
"So, this is where you live?", asked Ifalna, sitting down.
"Yeah, with two other people.", said Aeris. "Too bad I couldn't visit you. . .", said Aeris.
"What do you mean?"
"I died, and never got to the Planet.", said Aeris, merely shrugging off the fact.
"YOU DIED?!", yelled Gast. "Hmm, you look just fine for a dead person."
"I'm ALIVE dad.", said Aeris.
"How'd you die?"
"I got stabbed, in the City of the Ancients."
"HUHWHA?!", he exclaimed. "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO THERE!"
"Meh, it's okay.", said Ifalna. "Nothing much. It just looks like an underwater place on land."
"Like Sea World?"
"For a professor, you're an idiot.", said Aeris.
"Did you just insult your father?!", asked Gast.
"Calm down, dear.", said Ifalna. "She's still getting used to you. You died from Hojo killing you when she was 24 days old! Do you think she'd remember you?!"
"I guess not. . .", said Gast. "How is that damn Hojo?"
"Dead. Cloud killed him.", said Aeris.
"Cloud? AW, MY DAUGHTER HAS A BOYFRIEND!", said Ifalna.
"Mom. . ."
"We are in Nibelheim.", said Zack. "Take a good look."
"It looks the same.", Rachel said. "Except less tacky because there aren't any decorations."
"First, we'll go to Vincent's house."
"Why?"
"I'M THE ANGEL WITH THE MAGIC HERE! DO NOT QUESTION ME!"
"Fine. . ."
"Ugh. . .", they heard somebody say. "It's hopeless. . ."
"Yep, sounds like Vincent.", said Rachel. "He sounds depressed, like in the game. What's wrong? OH MY GOD!" Vincent was in a pink apron, pulling out this sunken soufflé. "WHY IS HE LIKE THAT?!"
"You never united him with Lucrecia, so he became bored, and started baking. He's girly now."
"And Laura. . .?"
"We're getting to her.", said Zack. "Now, come see Aeris, Tifa, and Cloud."
"Gravy. . ."
"Do you two want anything?", asked Aeris, bringing in some tea.
"Nah. On duty.", said Gast. "BUT LOOK AT MY LITTLE GIRL! SO POLITE!"
"I knew it was a good idea to give her to that woman before I died.", said Ifalna. "BUT HOW IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?!"
"Aw, mom. . .", sighed Aeris. "He's not my boyfriend. . ."
"You're blushing!", said Gast in a sing song voice. "COME ON!"
"I like him. . .", said Aeris. "But it's hard to get him to notice me. . ."
"Wait.", said Ifalna. "Shouldn't Zack be getting here soon?" CRASH! Aeris dropped her teacup.
"WHO DID YOU SAY?!", she asked.
"Um. . . Zack.", said Ifalna. "Why? Anything serious? He wanted to see you, but. . ."
"N-nothing. . .", said Aeris, sitting back down. "Just nothing. . ."
"Why do I have a feeling this will be interesting?", asked Rachel. "I mean, all THREE of them? Is this gonna be dirty?"
"I have no idea.", said Zack. "But I'll kill that Cloud if he lays one hand on Aeris. . ."
"I didn't think you two were really serious.", said Rachel. "She never mentions you much." Zack looked crushed.
"SHE DIDN'T?!", he exclaimed. "WHY?! I WAS IN SOLDIER JUST SO I COULD AFFORD AN ENGAGEMENT!"
"She just referred to you as some old boyfriend.", said Rachel. "And when are we gonna get there?"
"OH RIGHT!", said Zack. "OKAY! HERE WE GO!"
"Where in hell are they?", asked Aeris, by herself in a rather comfortable looking chair. "Another night alone I guess. . ."
"Why is she alone?", asked Rachel.
"Well, notice I didn't bring you to CLOUD'S HOUSE.", said Zack.
"Oh. OHHHHHHHH!", realized Rachel. "EEW!"
"Indeed.", he said. "Did you know you are the one who carried the flu? When you went to Icicle Inn to get the rest of Lucrecia's things?"
"So, since I carried the flu, but never existed. . ."
"Tifa never broke up with Cloud.", said Zack. "Getting the picture?"
"Yeah, but still, life goes on. They still seem rather happy. Well, except Aeris, but she's a naturally positive person."
"Guess who we're missing?", asked Zack.
"Reeve?"
"He's in Mideel, taking a vacation in a hot spring."
"Barret?"
"Lives happily in the soon-to-be rebuilt Corel with his daughter."
"Cid?"
"Still smoking, and damn proud."
"The Turks? Wait, nobody really cares. . . Red XII?"
"Nope. Still fine."
"Laura. . .", said Rachel after a moment. "She's here, right?"
"DING, DING, DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!", said Zack. "Go upstairs." Rachel walked warily up the stairs, and opened the door, to see Laura in her room. She apparently didn't wish to be bothered, because the door was locked, but Rachel and Zack could pass through doors. Rachel stood behind her.
"What's wrong with her?", asked Rachel. "She's just looking out the stupid window."
"Look closer." Laura was sitting there with a small tear.
"WHOA!", said Rachel. "But wait. DID VINCENT DO ANYTHING WRONG?! I'LL KILL HIM!"
"HOLD ON!", said Zack. "Listen."
"Nobody cares. . .", mumbled Laura. "They think I'm useless. I want to go back home. I wonder. . .What happened to Rachel?"
"See?!", said Zack. "SHE CARES! AND THE WORLD ISN'T QUITE THE SAME! GET WHAT THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS?!"
"No.", said Rachel. "Not really."
"IT MEANS, EVERY HUMAN BEING HAS AN IMPACT ON THIS WORLD, NO MATTER HOW INFINITESIMALLY SMALL THEY BELIEVE THEIR ROLE TO BE!", he yelled.
"Oh. Really?"
"YES!"
"I hope she's doing okay. . .", said Laura. "But why didn't she come? It's her story. . . I just wish she were here. . ."
"Wanna go back now?", asked Zack. "Because, I DO have the power to change all of this."
"Maybe. . .", said Rachel. "And maybe not. Somehow, I don't think this world needs me."
"You serve some greater purpose than what I have shown you.", said Zack. "Think about it. What do you think will happen if this world carries on without you? And, do you think Laura will ever get home? What if, she's gone in your world, but here in this one. Won't you miss her? I think you know how she feels."
"And everyone else?"
"They won't know or realize a thing. This is all your decision. And who knows, you can make up for this Christmas. Do you wish to go back?"
". . .no."
"What? Then you want to never come here?"
". . .no."
"Then what do you want?" Rachel's mind went back to the encounter with Sephiroth earlier that day.
"A key. . .", thought Rachel, remembering what he referred that girl as. "I know what I want."
"What?"
"I want you to protect this world.", said Rachel. "Because I'm not in it."
"So, you're sure you don't want to be here?"
"WHO SAID THAT!?", said Rachel, her mood lifting. "I'M NOT IN THIS WORLD, BUT I AM IN THE OTHER ONE! WANNA GO?!"
"You're strange child. . .", said Zack. "And, once you're ready."
"I want you to do one thing for me before we leave."
"What?"
"So, you're saying, Zack is with you?", asked Aeris, cleaning up the spill.
"Not right now, but he should be here shortly. Why?", said Ifalna.
"It's just. . . This is Cloud." She handed over a picture of him.
"WHOAAAAA!", said Gast. "He looks just like him! Well, except for the face. . ."
"Exactly.", said Aeris.
"And your point?"
"I always thought that Cloud was some sort of extension of Zack.", said Aeris. "Like, his own other self. I mean, I always believed Cloud was his own person, but they seemed too much alike, they knew each other, but still. . .nevermind. It's a silly thought."
"HEY LAURA!"
"OH MY GOD!", screamed Laura, jumping out of her seat from the window. "RACHEL?!"
"THE ONE AND ONLY!", said Rachel. She gave the thumbs up sign to Zack, who had allowed her to be visible for an amount of time.
"Is that. . .you? EEEK! Laura could move her hand through Rachel.
"ZACK!", barked Rachel. "WHAT'S UP WITH THIS?!"
"Sorry. . . Here." With a wave of his hand, he restored Rachel, who now was solid.
"Zack? What's going on?", asked Laura. "Why are you here? HOW?!"
"It's a long story. . .", said Rachel. "I'm just here to say, DON'T GIVE UP HOPE, YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE NOT USELESS! DON'T RELY ON WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU! THAT IS THE DOWNFALL OF MANY HUMAN BEINGS! HAVEN'T I TAUGHT YOU ANYTHING?!"
"You taught me how to blow snot bubbles.", said Laura. "But nothing else."
"HEE! THOSE BUBBLES ARE FUN AREN'T THEY?! HEY! DON'T GET ME OFF TOPIC!"
"Sorry. . ."
"WELL, I'VE TAUGHT YOU ANOTHER THING! ZACK! IF YOU WILL!?" Rachel became invisible again. THUD! They both tried to pass through the door, but Rachel was still solid. "ZACK!"
"Sorry. . ." She passed through.
"Thank you."
"What the hell just happened?", asked Laura, getting up to her feet. "Oh well. And what the hell was I drinking to get THAT reaction?!"
"Sorry if I startled you honey. . .", apologized Ifalna. "But I know something's wrong."
"How would you know?", asked Aeris.
"Let's just say mother's intuition, and that it's completely obvious. Even you're father can tell, and he's not that observant at times."
"DAMMIT!", he yelled, watching football. "THOSE STUPID ICICLE INN BANDERSNATCHES ARE LOSING TO THE WUTAIAN SAMURAIS!"
"Only dad, huh?", asked Aeris.
"Well. . .", said Professor Gast, "I haven't seen football in the real world for about twenty-two years, and so far, the leaders in the league are the Midgar Chocobos, then there's the Rocket Town Meteors, and-
"No dad, I wasn't talking about football.", said Aeris. "Nevermind, let's just skip it. . ."
"No, tell us what's on your mind.", said Ifalna.
"It's just that, Christmas is a time for family, and well, you're dead, and I generally have no relatives. And as for friends, Tifa is sorta busy next door, and I have no idea where in hell the rest are."
"Don't worry, we're here for Christmas!", said Gast. "And Zack is coming later!" Aeris shuddered. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, forget it."
"You don't feel comfortable talking to us?", asked Ifalna.
"I must admit, it's weird talking to parents who are supposed to be dead. And well um, you look. . ."
"Too young to be your mother, Aeris?", Ifalna said. "At the Planet, you don't age from the time when you died, and I was 25, and your father is thirty. . ."
"So technically, you're only three years older than I am.", said Aeris. "Creepy."
"Saves me money on anti-wrinkle cream, though."
"And I won't bald.", said Gast.
"Nevermind. . ."
"I'm getting seasick . .", said Rachel, turning a shade of green. They were in a spinning, spiraling vortex to get back to their world.
"I think this is it.", said Zack. POOF! Rachel was in her room again.
"WOOHOO! I'M BACK TO MY WORLD!"
"And what about Laura. Want to go back and get her?"
"OF COURSE!", said Rachel."
"Just one minor set back. . .", said Zack. "I only have enough awesome, astounding magic power to go to one more place. I can leave you here and I can go back, or, you can come with me back. Do you stay, or do you leave? STOPPIT!" Rachel was surfing the internet on the computer that still had her story on it.
"Sorry."
"So, leave or stay?"
"Can I bring a barf bag if I go?"
"NO!"
"Can't you just use those powers to transport Laura here?"
"NO!"
"Can I have a pony?"
"NO!"
"Where in hell is Rachel?", asked Laura, walking around the dark streets of the Wall Market. "I thought she was here. Funky. . ." POOF! Zack appeared. Alone.
"That's a new decision. Normally they feel sympathetic and come back."
"HEY! ZACK LOOK-ALIKE!", yelled Laura. "HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THIS GIRL IS?!" She handed in a picture of Rachel giving the V-sign.
"It's a long story. . .", said Zack.
"OH MY GOD! YOU AREN'T!", yelled Laura.
"Yes, I'm a-
"YOU'RE A RAPIST!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!", yelled Zack. "I'M AN ANGEL FROMT HE PLANET!"
"Oh. So what happened to Rachel?"
"Ugh. . ."
"WOOH! Finished!", said Tifa, walking out of Cloud's house, now decorated. "He better pay me a lot of money for this. Aeris, are you- WAUGH!" She saw Aeris' parents in their, casually having a cup of tea.
"Um, hi?", said Ifalna. "JOHN! SAY SOMETHING!", she hissed to Gast.
"OH! Um, hey there pretty lady. . . Can I have your number?"
"IDIOT!", yelled Ifalna. "I'M YOUR WIFE, REMEMBER?!"
"What's going on here?", asked Tifa. "Am I missing something?"
"Let me explain. . .", said Aeris. "If I can. . ."
"RACHEL ISN'T COMING BACK?!", yelled Laura.
"Well, she figured she was only a minor person, and you could get on without her. She said she'd done enough."
"I'LL KILL HER! YO! USE YOUR FUNNY PIXIE MAGIC NOW ZACK!", demanded Laura, grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt.
"YEEEK! I DON'T HAVE ANY LEFT! IT TAKES A WHILE TO REGENERATE IF I'M NOT ON THE PLANET!"
"HOW LONG?!"
"A MONTH WITHOUT IT!"
"AGH! HOW DO WE GET YOU BACK TO THE PLANET?!"
"I MUST BE RECALLED WITHOUT ANYTHING LEFT!"
"SO YOU'RE STUCK HERE, AND RACHEL IS GONE?!"
"Pretty much. . ."
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEPPPP! LOOK! IT WAS HER CHOICE NOT MINE! AND I HAVE TO GET TO NIBELHEIM!"
"WHY?! FOR YOUR FUNERAL?!"
"I'M ALREADY DEAD IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER!"
"Oh yeah. . ."
"Exactly. . .", said Zack, prying of Laura's fingers. "But, I have to fix this. . .thing."
"So, no wonder they looked familiar from that tape.", said Tifa.
"What tape?", asked Aeris.
"NOTHING!"
"YOU FOUND MY TAPES?!", shouted Gast. "YOU SAW NOTHING!"
"I meant the ones about you asking Ifalna questions about the Ancients and Weapon."
"Oh. THOSE tapes! PHEW!"
"What other tapes were there?", asked Ifalna in a disapproving tone, giving him an angry glare.
"Um, nothing dear. . ."
"Aeris. . .?", said a familiar tone. Aeris turned around when she saw Tifa clasp her hands over her mouth to prevent herself from screaming, and Aeris nearly fainted. It was Zack, in the flesh.
"ZACK?!"
"The one and only!"
"Where the hell did Zack poof himself off to?", asked Laura. "HE COULD'VE AT LEAST TAKEN ME!"
"Maybe that wasn't such a great idea. . .", said Rachel, standing up in front of her computer. "And mom and dad aren't home. . . And I bet Laura is freaking out. . . But everyone else should be happy, right? It's not like I'm gonna annoy them anymore, and I won't be such a burden to bear. . ." She turned around, and saw the computer screen, with her story still on it, and she grinned.
"Cid, it's been an hour.", said Vincent. "Why are we still here?"
"COME ON VINSHE!", said Cloud, drunk. "SHTRIP CLUBSHH ARE FUUNNNNN!"
"I AM NOT A PERVERT!", yelled Vincent.
"You know you're having fun.", said Cid, trying to catch a girl's panties. "I KNOW I AM!"
"Shera's gonna kick you out. . .again. . .", said Vincent, as a waitress made a pass at him. "LET'S GO!"
"Dammit, fine. . .", sighed Cid. "Let's go. Help me haul Cloud out, will ya'?"
"Glahhg! How to get Rachel back. . .? Time vortex? I know Demi materia is a compression of gravity, but not time! Wait. Time materia? No, time wouldn't change anything. . ."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. . ." Laura could here yelling from somewhere. "AAAAAAA. . ." She looked up. "AAAAGHH!"
"OW! WHAT THE HELL?!" Rachel fell on top of Laura.
"HI LAURA!"
"My spleen. . .", Laura moaned. "I think it's crushed. . ."
"Whoops. BUT I'M BACK!"
"Great, NOW GET OFF!"
"Jesus, sorry Madam Crabby-pants." Rachel stood up, and helped Laura to her feet.
"Now. . .", said Laura.
"Happy to see me?"
"YOU ARE SO DEAD!"
"AAAAAAHHH!"
"Well, this is odd. . .", said Aeris, sitting around with the ones who were supposed to be dead, and Tifa, still overcoming the shock.
"Um, where's Rachel. . .?", asked Tifa.
"I dunno, Laura is trying to find her.", said Aeris.
"Doesn't matter.", sighed Tifa. "She's probably dead in a ditch."
"Isn't that a bit harsh?"
"She's annoying! I don't care!"
"Um, there's a bit of a different story. . .", said Zack. "But hey, she's still alive, plus, you won't be bothered by her again!"
"Good. . .", mumbled Tifa.
"I CAN'T STAND IT!", yelled Gast. "YOU ARE WAY TOO HARSH!"
"Uh, honey. . .?", said Ifalna. "Aren't you being a bit loud. . .?
"LOOK! SHE TRIED HER BEST TO NOT ANNOY YOU! SHE DOES HER SHARE OF WORK! SHE'S PUT UP WITH A LOAD OF CRAP FROM YOU! ZACK! FOG PLEASE!"
"Um, Gast dude? Have you lost it?", asked Zack. "Time vortexes aren't for the mentally crazed."
"I'M POSITIVE!"
"What's going on?", asked Aeris. "What about time vortexes?"
"WE ARE THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS!", said Zack. "I thought you might flip if I told you. . ." And indeed, Aeris had spaced out. "Aeris? Aeris? Oh boy. . ."
"Why DO you want to fix this?", asked Ifalna to her husband.
"She might not be too smart-
"Actually, she's the one who calculates a lot of the bills. . .", said Tifa.
"Okay, then maybe she is smarter than you think, BUT SHE HAS A HEART! Right? And besides, next of all, you're beginning to annoy me."
"Me?", asked Tifa. "I'm sorry if you don't like the fact I have a low opinion of her, but that's how I feel."
"THEN WE SHALL CHANGE THAT! FINE, I'LL START UP THE FOG!" Gast clapped, and a fog swept across the floor. "Ahem!", he coughed. He picked up a book, and opened to a page, and began to read. "AND I QUOTE! THIS NIGHT YOU SHALL BE VISITED BY THE THREE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS, IN ORDER TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS!"
"What's so bad about my ways? WHAT ABOUT MY WAYS?!"
"QUIET! DO NOT ARGUE WITH THE GHOSTS! NOW, THIS IS TO CORRECT YOUR HARSH DICTATOR WAYS! Now, I'm supposed to vanish like so. . ." He snapped his fingers, and he disappeared.
"Don't be freaked out by your dad, dear.", said Ifalna to Aeris, who had stopped spacing out. "He's always been this. . .enthusiastic. Well, I'm off!" She disappeared.
"I'll clear this up later!", said Zack. "Gotta go!" And in an explosion of blue mist, he was gone as well.
"I have a question, Tifa.", said Aeris.
"What?"
"Why am I in this vortex, too?"
"I have no idea. . ."
"GAAAAHK! LET ME GO!", choked Rachel, trying to push off Laura from her grip on her neck. "I KNOW KARATE!"
"AND I KNOW JUDO! I'M NOT LETTING GO!", yelled Laura. Rachel swung her head back, and butted Laura's face. "OUCH! WHY YOU!" Laura grabbed Rachel's arm, and twisted it over her shoulder.
"AGH! PAIN! IT'S PAINFUL! STOPPIT!" Rachel put her left leg behind Laura's, then moved her right leg forward and swung it at the back of Laura's knee. It bent, and Laura fell to the ground. "I've taken three years of karate, and I'm not about to be stopped by someone who has taken 3 months of Judo.", said Rachel, rubbing her arm.
"Ouch. . .", moaned Laura. "Note to self: Don't try and beat up somebody who gives black belts black eyes. BUT WHY DID YOU WANT TO LEAVE?!"
"I figured I wasn't necessary.", said Rachel. "And I also thought you'd be better off without me."
"Now, why?!", asked Laura. "I never complained about you."
"But everyone else did, and it's hard to put up with rejection, you know? It's like they were always saying how much of a pain I was ever since I got here, but they seem to be okay with you. Even Vincent likes you now, but I don't have much to hang on to." Laura just sighed and smiled.
"So, you thought you could just leave?", she asked. "Nobody bails out that easily. And it was just as hard for me, too. "
"Was it really?", asked Rachel.
"Remember back when I fell off the cliff strapped onto that chocobo?"
"HAH! HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN!?", laughed Rachel. "That went in the scrapbook."
"Shut up. . . Anyway, remember that Vincent really didn't want to? And he dropped me? Remember how much I was resented? You just have to work at it."
"It still doesn't matter.", said Rachel. "And stop giving me a sermon. I came back, didn't I?"
"Yeah, true. . .", said Laura. "But you still talk like you're unappreciated. You are, trust me. I probably would've had a breakdown if you weren't here at all." Rachel had this nervous smile as she remembered the little flashback with Zack. Hey, that rhymes. "What are you smiling about?"
"Nothing. . ."
"Good. In that case. . ." Laura smacked Rachel upside the head.
"OUCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"THAT WAS FOR TRIPPING ME!"
"Ghosts of Christmas, my ass. . .", mumbled Tifa, getting out of the vortex. Aeris was strangely gone. "Aeris? Oh, I know, this is a joke, isn't it? You can come out now!" Nothing happened.
"Hi there, Tifa.", said Zack, walking up behind her.
"GAH!"
"YEP! I'M THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST! My domain is all that resides in the memories and possibilities of the past! Cool, huh?"
"I always thought the future as better."
"OH SURE! EVERYBODY SAYS THE FUTURE IS COOLER! WELL, THERE WOULD'NT BE A FUTURE WITHOUT A PAST! AHEM!", he coughed. "Sorry, I'm off topic. Anyway, I'm here to show you wrong doings of the past! LIGHTS!" The light dimmed. "I love controlling elements of nature. Okay, so, here we are."
"What a damn slave driver. . .", mumbled Rachel, walking down the stairs. "All I do is try to clean the piano like she said but nooooooooooo! She thinks I broke it intentionally. . ."
"Remember this?", asked Zack. "Cruel and unusual punishment." Rachel was scrubbing the hardwood floor with a toothbrush. "Plus, this is also known as a breach of innocent until proven guilty. She WAS just doing as you said."
"Not convinced.", said Tifa. "What about when she burned down the kitchen?!"
"She was trying to fix it, and wash the dishes. As far as I know, that's not a crime. ON TO THE NEXT SHOW!" He clapped his hands, and they appeared at the barn, where Rachel and Laura were shoveling chocobo crap. "This, is for killing the grass in the backyard."
"And don't tell me, they were innocent?"
"Nah, they were really the ones who did it.", he said. "But it wasn't the entire lawn, only a patch. CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT!"
"Since when were you the ghost of trial and judgment?"
"I WANT to be it, and so far, there's an opening in the field so I figured I-
"GET ON WITH IT.", said Tifa. "I don't have the time."
"BUT I DO!"
"You're the ghost of the past. Of course you do."
"SO TOO BAD! COME, WE HAVE ONE MORE THING TO SEE!"
"Thank god. .."
"Now, take my hand.", he said.
"Why? You're Aeris' old boyfriend. . ."
"I wouldn't dream of it.", he said, still smiling. "Now, give me your hand, or I'll keep you stranded here."
"Fine." She put her hand in his.
"Good!", he said. "HOLD ON!" He disappeared with her in that thick blue mist.
"Where the hell is everybody?", asked Cloud, walking in with Vincent. "Aeris, where is everybody?" Aeris was sitting on the couch, just waking up from what happened.
"My head. . .", she mumbled. She was knocked out again.
"Aw, futz."
"Does a barf bag come on this mystical journey?", asked Tifa, popping up with Zack at a house in Costa Del Sol.
"Why does everybody complain about my driving? I only take you back a few months, and BAM! You have nausea! Don't complain, will ya'?!"
"Whatever. . . So, why are we here?"
"OW, OUCH, OWIE, OOF! DAMMIT!" Rachel took a fall down the stairs of the cabana to the basement. "I can't believe I have to do this. . ."
"Is this where she. . .?"
"Yep, this it.", said Zack. "Probably the most embarrassing thing she has ever done. Rachel had put on a pink chocobo suit, and trudged up the stairs. "To preserve what happened, all I can say is, it was totally UNFAIR, and, those children are STILL having nightmares."
"Hey, I said for her to do a dance in public, not fall over and put a tear in the back of that suit.", said Tifa. "AND IT WAS A DISCIPLINARY ACTION!"
"Aeris handles it much more. . .mercifully."
"You were her boyfriend until you DIED. Of course you're in her favor."
"And she even prettier years later. . . OOF!" Tifa elbowed him in the gut.
"I don't care how much you're like Cloud, just get us the hell out of here."
"FINE! Just don't gut me again, it hurts. . ." Again, they appeared out of the mist, in the living room in front of Cloud.
"WHAT THE HELL?! ZACK?!", Cloud yelled. Zack, looked up, and became red. HE WANTED HIS SWORD BACK.
"GIVE ME BACK MY SWORD!"
"NEVER! IT'S MINE NOW!"
"STOPPIT YOU TWO!" Ifalna walked out from a shadowy corner, to split up the two. With a wave of her hand, Zack had disappeared. "I love having more power than him."
"Um, thanks?", said Cloud. "Who are you?"
"Ifalna, nice to meetcha!", she said rather happily. Aeris had woken up again. "Aeris, is this your boyfriend? His hair is. . .interesting."
"Mom, he's not my boyfriend. . ."
"MOM?!", yelled Cloud. "YOU'RE HER MOTHER?!" HE fell unconscious to the ground, not having any idea what the hell the dead were doing from their graves.
"Oh dear. . .", sighed Ifalna. "Well, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present. Ready to go? GET BACK HERE!" Tifa was sneaking up the stairs.
"Fine, let's go. . ."
"YOU RENAMED HIM?!", yelled Rachel, situation herself on Laura's chocobo, now aptly named Angelo.
"I LIKE THAT NAME!", said Laura happily.
"But Nat is the name of your boyfriend. . ."
"Actually, I broke up with him the day before we wound up here."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"
"I think I forgot. . ."
"God. . . Come on, let's get. . .Angelo, out of here. I'm freezing my arse off."
"RIGHTY-O! ONWARDS!" Laura hopped on, and they rode off to Nibelheim.
"Christmas present?", asked Tifa. "Wouldn't that be now? You know, you wouldn't have more power than the past.
"No, I just have more power because he's so juvenile.", replied Ifalna.
"Oh."
"So, are ya' gonna be nicer now?"
"You didn't show me anything, you realize that, right?"
"I mean BEFORE I do anything. I'd hate to leave Aeris to stay alone with that unconscious dude back there."
"Don't worry about Cloud. . ."
"THAT'S CLOUD?!", shouted Ifalna. "THAT'S the guy Aeris likes? Oh, I shouldn't have died before I could teach her good taste in men. . .", she sniffled. "OH WELL, ON WITH THE LESSON!"
"You're a positive person, aren't you?"
"THAT'S HOW I GOT THE JOB! OKAY, ON TO OUR FIRST AND ONLY VISION!"
"Only one?"
"You're a special case, unlike that Scrooge guy. You're not as advanced, but, you're getting there."
"You mean I'll be rich, old, and mean?", asked Tifa. "Not to mention ugly. . ."
"Um, no. . ."
"Then what do you mean?"
"HERE WE ARE!"
"But-
"HERE WE ARE!", repeated Ifalna.
"But- Ifalna started whistling.
"Why are you whistling?"
"I'd tap dance too, if it would change the subject. Now, look here." She was pointing to Rachel, looking all beat up an tired behind Laura, guiding the gold chocobo. "Rachel wouldn't be so beaten up if you didn't yell at her."
"She lost the presents!", reasoned Tifa. "What else could I do?!"
"Oh that's right, we have your presents.", said Ifalna.
"YOU WHAT?!" Ifalna began whistling again. "STOPPIT!"
"Fine. . .", she said. "But you really should be nicer. People perceive you to be, you know?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"In this so-called videogame in Rachel and Laura's world, you were probably one of the nicer characters. Now, in this reality, or as to us, our reality, you're a. . . how should I state this? A bitch?"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
"DON'T HARM THE ONE WITH THE MAGIC!", cautioned Ifalna.
"You have the domain of the present.", said Tifa. "How the hell are you gonna harm me?" She was whistling again. "You don't have a lot of answers, do you?"
"I left the 'How to be a Christmas Ghost for Dummies' book at the Planet. . .", said Ifalna. "I'm lost without it."
"I see.", said Tifa. "I thought Rachel was gone."
"Um, no. . ."
"Why not?!"
"She found a hole in the space/time continuum when she wrote her story. . .", said Ifalna. "You see, while the Planet was garnering an extra bit of energy to heal itself, there was an energy gap. A gateway, if you want to call it that. And what happened in her story. . ."
"Happened here?", asked Tifa.
"A smart one, aren't you? Okay, so yes, that's what happened."
"Was it just a lucky guess?"
"You'll find out later about her, trust me."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Shall I start doing the tap dance?", asked Ifalna.
"Um, no thanks."
"GOOD! 'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW!"
"Thank god Aeris didn't inherit her parents ditziness. . .", mumbled Tifa.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. . ."
"Anyway! So, they slipped through this energy gap while the Planet tried to gain this burst in energy, so it weakened the borders between our dimensions. Ever heard that a story has more to it? Well, it just so happens that with every great story, there is. Each has it's own dimension, that there lacks a door to. And only certain things pass through these doors. For instance, I had to, to cross into the world of the living again. But in the case of Rachel, she fell into this one. But also, another thing is required to cross. Your mind must be dormant, and willing to fall into another state."
"And this would be. . .?", said Tifa, needing more information.
"The state of sleep.", said Ifalna. "In sleep, brain current changes. So, her mind was dormant, along with Laura's, who had also been asleep. Since the mind and body was dormant, the gap was opening, and that there was such a hole, she just sorta. . . Fell through. John is better at explaining these things. . ."
"John?", asked Tifa.
"Oh, Professor Gast.", said Ifalna. "But BACK TO THE MEANING! Ow. . ." Rachel was so tired, she fell of the chocobo. "The meaning is. . ."
"I'm a bitch?", asked Tifa.
"EXACTLY! SO COOL YOUR JETS! BACK TO THE-
"This IS the present."
"Oh. OH YEAH! Well then, BACK TO NIBELHEIM!" In a shroud of red smoke, they disappeared, back into Nibelheim.
"Ow. . .", mumbled Rachel.
"Are you okay?", asked Laura, helping her up.
"Yeah. Did you see red smoke back there?"
"Nope. You're seeing things."
"Ouch. . ."
"WOO! Hey Aeris, we're back!", said Ifalna.
"And I now know where your positive side comes from. . .", mumbled Tifa. "Do I really have to? I get the point now."
"Yes, you have to go with him." POOF!
"HI THERE!" Gast popped up next to Tifa.
"BLAGH! Don't do that!"
"SORRY! IT'S MY JOB! Now, as to fulfill my job. . ." Black smoke rose up and encircled him, until he came out, wearing an eerie black cloak. "Okay sweetie, I'm off to work!", he said to Aeris.
"Don't mind your father. . .", said Ifalna.
"Don't worry. . .", said Aeris. "This is a part of being a mad scientist, right?"
"MAD SCIENTIST?!", yelled Gast. "HOJO WAS A MAD SCIENTIST! BUT I AM A GENIUS!"
"Whatever you say, dad. . ."
"I AM OFF!" And in a flash, Tifa was gone with Gast.
"Hello?", asked Rachel, sticking her head in the door. "I'M BACK! And um, I see dead people. . ." She couldn't help but stare at Zack on the couch asleep, and Ifalna casually talking to Cloud, with Aeris with a sweat mark.
"NOW!", shouted a booming voice. "FEAR ME, FOR I AM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE!"
"I know who you are. . .", said Tifa.
"Darn.", he said, popping up, with the cloak hood down. "It normally works better if my victims don't know me."
"Where the hell are we?", asked Tifa. They were in a room with nothing but black, with no walls, in what seemed like the Lifestream. "Am I in here AGAIN?!"
"Sorta. . .", said Gast. "ANYHOO! I AM TO SHOW YOU VISIONS OF THE FUTURE!" He waved his hands up and down, making all sorts of weird noises.
"That's not helping your scary effect.", said Tifa.
"It's not?"
"No."
"Not even a little?"
"You're more funny than scary."
"Is that good?"
"Nope."
"DAMMIT!", he yelled. "Okay, a vision of the future. . ." He looked in his book, and looked back up. "I'VE GOT ONE!" All of a sudden, Tifa was standing in her brightly lit living room. "Go to the backyard." She walked back, and what met with her eyes was. . . well, terrifying to her at least. She saw Rachel and Laura with war paint on, chanting curses, and with a life size dummy of Tifa, burning at the stake.
"That's not pleasant. . .", said Tifa.
"NOPE! IT'S NOT!", he said with a clueless smile.
"What a ditz. . ."
"Get the point?"
"I GOT THE STUPID POINT AT THE LAST ONE!", yelled Tifa.
"It doesn't sound like you learned anything. . .", he said bittersweetly.
"GOD. . . Yes, I have learned my lesson, and am willing to reform my heathenistic ways. . ."
"Heathenistic is not a word. . ."
"FINE! I am willing to reform my dastardly ways, in sake of preserving peace in my household."
"GOODY, GOODY GUMDROPS!", he said with the same stupid smile.
"Are you sure you're brilliant? You didn't hit your head on the way up?"
"POSITIVE!"
"Jesus, what about you made you eligible to get married in the first place? Balloon animals?"
"NO! Balloon animals are a hobby. . .", he said. "I TREATED HER LIKE A REAL HUMAN BEING, INSTEAD OF SOME SORT OF FREAK JUST BECAUSE SHE'S A CETRA!"
"I would've thought it made you special. I mean, it does increase your magic capacity and you look just like a normal human being."
"I believe you coined this term. It's 'the voices'."
"Ah."
"Um, don't mind them. . .", said Aeris. "Just move Zack's feet and sit down."
"Eew, I'm not touching his feet!", said Laura. "It reminds me of a storm drain."
"Or a sewer.", said Rachel.
"GAHK!", said Zack, bolting upright. Aeris hit him on the head to wake up. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"You're taking up the entire couch. Move it."
"And I came back here to win you over. . ."
"Say WHAT?!", shouted Aeris. "I thought you were just doing you Ghost of Christmas job!"
"NOPE!", he said. "So, what do you say, Aeris? If you accept me, I get to stay here." Cloud was still unconscious, and when she looked at her mother, she just shrugged.
"It's your decision. Personally, his feet stink and he burps really loud, but otherwise, he's just like that blonde version over there."
"AND, I'M AN ACTUAL SOLDIER! Not like that fraud I save over there. . ."
"How, DID you die anyway?"
"I GOT SHOT SAVING HIS ASS!", he said. "I GIVE HIM THE CLOTHES, I GIVE HIM THE RIDE WITH ME ON THAT TRUCK, AND FOR WHAT?! EVEN THOUGH WE WERE GONNA GO INTO BUSINESS TOGETHER, HE STEALS MY SWORD AFTER I SAVE HIS ASS!"
"Calm down. . .", she sighed. "Okay, m answer is-
"JESUS, THAT WAS POINTLESS!", said Tifa, popping back up with Gast. "Oh." She saw Zack on his knees, looking like he was about to propose to Aeris. "Am I interrupting something?"
"It's nothing. . .", said Aeris.
"What the hell is going on here?!", asked Vincent, coming from the upstairs. "I go to the bathroom, and we already have guests! WHO ARE THEY?!"
"Hey, Aeris, I like this one!", said Ifalna, walking over to Vincent and taking his arm. She was pretty, so he blushed that somebody took such an instant liking to him with being civil about it.
"Hey, who's this?", asked Vincent.
"Um, that's my mom. . .", said Aeris.
"YEEK! GET HER OFF!"
"I'M 25!", said Ifalna. "JESUS!"
"Not to mention your HUSBAND is standing right here. . .", glowered Gast.
"Oh yeah. . .", remembered Ifalna. "Although if I DID age, I'd be about. . . let's see, she was 4 when I died, so that means I would be in my forties. Yowch."
"Wait. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!", shouted Vincent. "YEEEEEEK! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!"
"Don't freak out.", said Cloud. "You get used to it after. . . fifteen minutes."
"What an interesting Christmas. . .", said Laura. "We get dead people as guests."
"Not to mention Sephiroth. . .", mumbled Rachel.
"Who now?", asked Cloud.
"NOBODY!"
"And it's not Christmas yet.", said Tifa.
"Au contraire.", said Rachel. "It's twelve forty in the morning."
"Oops."
"OH YEAH! Here are your presents!", said Zack, pulling up a bag.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!", shouted Tifa. She began strangling Zack.
"Shouldn't we stop her?", asked Ifalna. "I mean, WERE supposed to teach her something. . ."
"No, I like this. . .", said Gast. "HIS EYES BUG OUT!"
"Why did I marry you. . .?"
"What? WHAT?!"
"Here, Cloud. . .", said Aeris, while the others were watching Zack and Tifa fight.
"What is it? It's too small to be a sword. . ." She unwrapped it, and it was a picture frame.
"I know it's not much. . .", she said. "But I want you to remember these things. I recall that you used to have such a problem in the past, and I want you to keep these memories. Put whatever means anything to you in it. Even if it's your. . .hair."
"MY HAIR?!"
"You must admit, it IS a bit. . .odd. But then again, I don't think many people would forget it!", she said, laughing.
"HEY! I LIKE THE HAIR!"
"Sure. And let's see you keep that statement in a few years when you want to change it."
"Hey, this kind of hair won't EVER go out of style."
"True Cloud. . .", she said, walking away. "You can't put anything out of style that never was in style."
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" She turned around with a mischievous smile.
"You know what I mean." She was about to walk up the stairs, when there was a knock at the door.
"I GOT IT!", said Rachel, running to the door. "OH, AND PUT DOWN TEN GIL THAT TIFA KICKS THE CRAP OUT OF ZACK!"
"It look like you're having a nice Christmas." Reeve was at the door, looking in at Tifa pummeling Zack. "I think you have a visitor for Aeris."
"Um, hi Aeris."
"MOM?!"
"Yes?", said Ifalna.
"NO! THE OTHER MOM!" Elmyra was standing outside at the door.
"Hey, you look familiar. . .", said Ifalna, walking up to her. "Aren't you the one I asked to take care of Aeris?"
"Aren't you the one who DIED?!", asked Elmyra.
"Oh. THIS IS WEIRD ISN'T IT?!"
"You have no idea. . .", sighed Rachel.
"HEY! NOW THE WHOLE CAST OF FF7 IS HERE!", said Laura. "Well, except for Sephiroth and some of AVALANCHE. . . BUT MOST OF THE RARELY APPEARING CHARACTERS ARE!"
"Weird Christmas. . .", said Tifa, after knocking out Zack, covered with cuts and bruises.
"Hmm. . .", said Gast, examining Elmyra. "You're the one who took care of my little girl?"
"Um. . .yeah. . .", she said, freaked out by his manner.
"WANNA BE MY GUINEA PIG ON ONE OF MY EXPERIMENTS?!"
"Don't mind him. . .", said Ifalna, dragging him away. "He's easily excited. . ."
"YOU MUST TO BE THE GENIUS THAT IS GAST!", he declared.
"Um, hey Laura. . .", said Vincent, nervously. He walked away from all the commotion in the living room, to where Laura was in the door of the kitchen.
"Hey Vince.", she said casually.
"Um, no Vinnie?", he asked.
"You said not to call you it. Now get out of my way." She wanted to see who was yelling, but Vincent took up a lot of the small doorway.
"Uh, here. . ." He handed her the silver synthesized bangle, that was engraved. He looked extremely nervous. She was reading the engraved message when he began to walk away, but she grabbed his wrist and smiled.
"HEY LOOK!", shouted Rachel. "MISTLETOE! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" And indeed, they were under the mistletoe.
"And what if I don't want to?!", said Laura.
"Too bad." Vincent bent down to her height (hey, he's 6' and she's 5" 2'. There's a lot of difference!), and well. . . frenched her one.
"WOOOOOOOH!", said Rachel, taking a picture. "THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD WHEN IT DEVELOPS!"
"GET BACK HERE!", yelled Laura, grabbing for the camera.
"GOTTA WORK FOR IT!" Rachel was keeping it from her. "OUCH!" Swiftly kicking Rachel in the shin, Laura took the camera, and the picture that came out.
"Merry Christmas indeed. . .", sighed Vincent. "Merry Christmas."
"Where are we going, Sephiroth?", asked Surka to Sephiroth.
"We are going to rest. . . For now."
"And our primary destination is. . .?"
"Nibelheim. After we complete a few necessary. . . rounds."
"Rounds?"
"We are going to visit a few people. Before I announce my return to that blonde-rat."
"Cloud, right?"
"You ask far too many questions.", he said, he hand nearing the pommel of his sword, licking his lips, but he stopped in the frigid air. "No. I need you for this. Come, we visit that idiot, Palmer." And as it snowed from Midgar to Nibelheim, they left those cold streets. They would encounter the others soon.
AN3: MERRY CHRISTMAS! GOD THIS WAS LOOOOOONG!"
Sadie: I thought I'd die before I'd be done reading it.
Meagan: Same here!
Konoshi: yawns
Brad: I dunno. I personally like long chapters.
Mike: glares
Brad: WHAT?! It's my own opinion. . .
Rachel: WHEE! SEPHY MADE AN APPEARANCE!
Sephiroth: Why do I put up with these mortals?
AN3: Don't forget, you're a mortal, too.
Cloud: YEAH! I KILLED YOU!
Sephiroth: Shut up, pitiful being.
Sadie: He's so hot. . . swoons at his evilness
AN3: AND DON'T YOU THINK WE ACKNOWLDGE IT?! Plus, there's a happy little contest I'm hosting. . .
Holly: What?
AN3: Okay, this doesn't suit your tastes, BUT FOR ANYHBODY WHO LOVES SEPHIROTH, IT DOES!
Sephy lovers: listening intently
AN3: LOVELY! Okay, first of all, bad news for Sadie.
Sadie: What?
AN3: I'M REOPENING THE CONTEST FOR THE drum roll WHO GETS TO MARRY SEPHIROTH CONTEST!
Sephiroth: WHAT?!
Sadie: WHAT?!
AN3: I know, I'm evil. Yes, Sephiroth, you ARE getting married, and YES, you ALL have a chance at this. As we should all know, I LOVE messing with Sephiroth, so, I'M LETTING ONE LUCKY GIRL (hopefully a GIRL. I don't want to imagine otherwise. .) MARRY THE ONE WINGED ANGEL! I'll need you to give me three numbers, 1-20, and we'll see if you get it! I have multi-sided dice, so, I'll roll for your number, AND IF I GET YOURS, YOU WIN!
Sephiroth: Why am I not liking this?
AN3: Aw, come on, it's time you got married. You don't want to be single forever.
Sephiroth: COME ON! THAT'S WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT! SEX, POWER, AND DESRUCTION! AND TO SUPPORT THE SEX FACTOR, I HAVE TO BE AVAILABLE!
AN3: DO NOT INSULT YOUR GOD! I AM THE AUTHORESS! I CONTROL ALL! SO! THE LINES ARE OPEN! PICK YOUR NUMBER, AND THIS IS YOUR PRIZE! attaches a red bow to Sephiroth's hair Okay, I'm gonna finish the web comic now. It should be up in January. And if you know a good place I can host it, TELL ME! I'm gonna try to get one on geocities now. . . MERRY CHRISTMAS! God, this chapter sucked so much ASS. . .