Title: Fade Away Never
Author: Angelus
E-mail: (Please put "Fade Away Never" on the subject line.)
Subject: Queer as Folk
Category: R.
Rating: G. For now.
Summary: Brian is a high-school soccer coach, and Justin is about to become his star player. AU.
Spoilers: None.
Archive: Anywhere, just ask me first.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the beautiful QaF boys. They belong to Showtime and Cowlip.
Author's notes: This started out as an original story that I wrote for creative writing class last year, with a decidedly "Queer As Folk"-like feel to it. Of course, my teacher didn't pick up on that. But the more I looked at it, the more I could see it as an AU. Even though I despise AU in pretty much any way, shape, or fashion (with the exception of "Cohorts in Crime" and the BtVS epic "Crash and Burn".). So I've altered the story to better fit the "Queer as Folk" universe. Mandie is my own character, based loosely on my friend Kat. Then any self-respecting gay boy, lesbian, fag hag, etc. should recognize Fox, even with the tweaking I've done to his character. If you don't, you don't deserve to be reading this story. Go read BMB.
Dedication: To Amy, for much fun with Octo and his legendary pants. We made the 'cool room' cool.
-------------------
Watching the high-school soccer scrimmage was a weekly ritual for Justin, Daphne, Fox, and Mandie. Although none of the teenagers were actually on the team, they made a point of coming to practice each Saturday afternoon. Justin and Daphne, best friends since elementary school, had been doing this since long before they had ever gotten to high school themselves. Then Justin had met Fox, and Daphne had met Mandie, and they had begun tagging along. None of them particularly cared about the moves and the plays - they were far more concerned with checking out the players.Justin had known for sure he was gay since about fifth grade, but he wasn't very open with the fact. He had been obligated to tell Daphne, since at the time he had come to this conclusion, they had been "going out". Of course, this had been the fifth grade sense of the word, in which they held hands in the hallways, sat together at lunch, and shared a peck on the lips on special occasions. Still, Daphne had always been a good friend to him, and he had felt that she deserved to know. So he had told her. At first, she had freaked. But with time, she had come to terms with it, and now Justin's homosexuality was like second nature to her.
They sat next to each other, as always, Daphne's head resting on Justin's shoulder. "43," she murmured. Justin scanned the field for the player, but shook his head.
"55," he supplied.
"No way!" Daphne nudged Mandie. "What do you think?" she asked. Mandie made a 'hmmmm' noise as she contemplated, idly twisting a strand of neon pink hair between her fingers. She and Daphne had bonded the second they had met in freshman-year gym. They made an unlikely pair - Daphne was African-American, and dressed in a common uniform of jeans and vintage T-shirts. Mandie, on the other hand, was Vietnamese, and in addition to her spiky hair, she would wear just about anything, so long as it was in loud, bright, often clashing colors. Still, at heart they were both just teenage girls, and their personalities were really not that different. Mandie was a tad bit more outgoing, but that was about where the differences stopped.
"I think I prefer number 17," she said. Justin made a face, but Daphne nodded vigorously.
"Look at the calves on him!" she exclaimed.
"The calves?" Justin interrupted. "Who the fuck looks at a guy's calves?"
"We do," they answered in unison, then broke out into giggles. Justin rolled his eyes.
Mandie punched Fox in the arm. He had been unusually quiet throughout this. He was lounging in the grass, propped up on one elbow and chewing on his thumb.
"What's on your mind, Bharma?" she asked. He shrugged.
"I was just thinking that any of us are twice as good-looking as those cunts out there," he answered with a shrug. The group let out a chorus of "awwwww"'s. Fox was always saying stuff like that - it killed him to see anyone look down on themselves. That was just the type of person he was.
Justin shook his head as Mandie and Daphne continued their fit of laughter, which didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. This was why the two of them got along better than he and Daphne did sometimes - it was the whole girl thing. Teenagers just needed someone their own gender to relate to. Which was why Justin had been eternally grateful when he had met Fox Bharma.
They had been freshman when the outspoken sophomore had transferred to Harold L. Richards High School, and they hadn't known what to make of him. Actually, no one had known what to make of him, but they had surely taken notice. It was hard not to. Even as a sophomore, he had been a head taller than most of the seniors, with neon purple spiky hair that contrasted greatly to his skin, which was the deep brown of someone of East Indian descent. He was outspoken and flamboyant and overtly sexual - to everyone. Richards was on the conservative side as far as high schools went, which was one of the reasons Justin had kept his own homosexuality quiet. To have an openly bisexual student on-campus was a big deal, both to the students and the faculty, and Fox soon found himself as something of a celebrity. Not that he minded. Quite the opposite, in fact - Fox was perfectly comfortable in the spotlight. Now, as a college freshman, he hadn't changed an iota. In fact, just last month he had landed the coveted role of Puck in Traynere Community College's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, and had spent the weeks following ranting about the perks of the tights-and-spandex costumes he and his castmates were required to wear.
Meeting Fox had been somewhat of an eye-opener for Justin. He still had no idea what had possessed the older boy to befriend him or Daphne in the first place. If asked, Fox rambled on about positive auras. Whatever the real reason, Justin was glad - Fox was someone who was not afraid of who or what he was, and made the younger boy ache for the same sort of confidence. With Fox's encouragement behind him, Justin had come out in the middle of junior year. Without Fox to back him up, Justin knew he never would have done it. It was an added bonus, however, that his association with the senior had spared him any sort of torment - no one wanted to mess with a friend of Fox Bharma.
It was interesting just how popular Fox had become. His bright hair and even brighter personality had easily won over the drama department, although that wasn't too hard - they were an accepting group. The rest of the student body had been another issue, but they had come around soon enough. It was hard not to be swayed by Fox's uber-charming personality. Teens that went to other schools in the surrounding area knew him. Even now that he was off in college, whenever he came back for a visit - and that was often - nearly every person he ran into within a ten-mile radius of the town knew who he was. And as much as he loved to deny it, he had become a role model to many, Justin included. As a result, he had dated nearly every member of the circle of friends, the only exceptions being Mandie's two older brothers, Randy and Joe. Daphne, however, had begun dating Joe just a few months ago.
As the mis-matched quartet began to get more rowdy, laughing and shouting and shoving each other, they barely noticed that the practice session had ended until the players made their way past them on their way back to the locker rooms.
"You losers need a hobby," one of them taunted. His buddy, Mandie and Daphne's gorgeous #17, added:
"Either join the team or get off the field." The other team members began jeering at them.
"So who's it gonna be?" asked a big, beefy brunette. "Which one of you is going to stop being such a pussy and see what it's really like out there?" This time, there were even more laughing and catcalls. Before another of them could add their own two cents in, a young guy about his twenties came jogging over.
"Allright, knock it off," he said, his voice carrying an implication of authority on the words. "Hit the showers - you smell like ass." Laughing, they trotted off up the path that led to the locker rooms. Shaking his head, he turned to Fox, Mandie, Justin, and Daphne.
"I apologize for those idiots," he said with a dazzling smile. "State championship's coming up - they're a bit rowdy....I'm the new coach, by the way." The group was silent. With an amused smile, he nodded. "I'll see you some other time then," he said, and followed the same path the team had gone down. It was a good two to three minutes before any of the teens on the grass could get their bearings about them. Unsurprisingly, it was Fox who broke the silence.
"Christ!" he exclaimed. "He's fucking gorgeous!"
"I second that," Justin agreed.
"Here, here," Daphne added.
"Hell, I'd join if he'd be coaching me," Mandie murmured.
"I'd come back to high-school," Fox volunteered. Mandie turned to him.
"Is that a promise?" she asked. Fox just laughed, and the two of them began an impromptu wrestling match. They had been on-again off-again since they had met, and while they were both currently single, you never knew when they would get back together. Daphne watched in amusement, not sure who to cheer for. The trio seemed to have forgotten about the gorgeous soccer coach already.
Justin, however, hadn't forgotten.
Come Monday, the new soccer coach still hadn't escaped from Justin's thoughts. He supposed it was the whole athletic thing - he'd always been a sucker for the preppy Abercrombie jock type. Whatever it was, though, he just couldn't stop thinking about him. Truly, that had never happened to Justin before. Outside of his brief interlude with Fox and a fling from eighth grade summer camp, he had never truly had a boyfriend. He had never really had anyone - high school wasn't exactly the easiest environment for someone like him. But there were good-looking boys, plenty of them. Still, none of them had stuck with him quite as well as this guy had.
Justin was an artist at heart. His parents were adamant that he find some other sort of career to support himself after he graduated college, but there was nothing on this earth that was going to make him give up his art. At all times, Justin had a sketchpad with him. He had more sketches of his friends than he could count - they were always willing subjects. Today, however, as his hands flew across the page, the face and body that developed were, not surprisingly, that of the man he'd been daydreaming of since Saturday. The long, slender face, high cheekbones, and full lips just seemed to pour from the pencil. And if he were to color any of these sketches, he'd add the coffee-brown hair and the hazel eyes and the tanned skin. But even in black and white, he was still the most gorgeous guy Justin had ever seen. He was in the middle of one such sketch during journalism class when Mandie peered over his shoulder.
"You still thinking about him?" she asked. Justin chuckled.
"Can't help it," he admitted with a wide grin.
"Maybe you should join the team after all," Mandie teased. Justin had his mouth open to remind her of what a klutz he was when the journalism teacher, Mr. Knoll, came wandering out of the office. Spotting Justin and Mandie, his eyes lit up.
"Do either of you have anything to do right now?" he asked. Both teens shook their heads. Journalism wasn't so much a class as it was a study hall for members of the newspaper staff. Mandie was the arts and entertainment editor, and Justin was a reporter. Mandie hadn't gotten any articles in yet, and Justin had already handed in his piece on the new parking lot. But it was a well-known fact that no one could be around Knoll very long without being assigned a job.
"Great!" the stocky, aging teacher exclaimed. "Would either of you mind interviewing the new soccer coach?" He frowned in confusion and Justin and Mandie broke out into uncontrollable giggles.
Justin had never felt quite as out-of-place as he did striding across the field that very day after school. In all his years observing the soccer players, he had never ventured any farther than their spot on the grass beneath the old oak tree. Now, however, he was heading straight into the center of the action, where Coach Brian Kinney stood. Justin fidgeted nervously for a second as he stood behind Kinney, whose back was to him. One or two of the players that passed him, however, leered at him, and that gave Justin just the confidence-booster he had needed. He tapped Kinney on the shoulder.
"What?" the older man barked out. Justin immediately began stammering.
"Yeah, uh, hi," he began. "I'm, ummm..."
"You were watching us yesterday," Kinney supplied, his face lighting up in recognition. "You and your friends with the Day-Glo hair." Justin chuckled, embarrassed.
"Right, that was me," he admitted. "Actually, my name's Justin Taylor. I write for the school paper, and my sponsor wants me to get an interview with you." Now it was Kinney's turn to grin.
"Don't sound so excited about it," he teased. He squinted in the sun as he glanced back out at the team practicing around him. "I'm a bit busy here today, as you can see," he said. He gave Justin the once-over. "Have you ever been to a soccer game?" he asked. Justin shook his head, blushing. "It's okay," Kinney assured him. "Tell you what - we're playing tomorrow night. Why don't you come watch, then I'll give you that interview when it's over?" Justin nodded vigorously.
"Thank you for your time, Coach Kinney," he said formally, sticking out his hand for the older man to shake it. Kinney slapped him across the shoulder instead.
"Call me Brian," he insisted.
"A soccer game?" Daphne repeated, her voice dripping with disdain. "I thought we were going over to Mandie's." Justin snorted.
"Yeah, and what a thrilling evening that will be," he said sarcastically, beginning to make a list of the events the all-too-predictable evening was bound to consist of, counting each item off on his fingers. "First, Randy and Joe will plant themselves at the pool table," he began. "Then Fox and Mandie will sneak off to go make out somewhere. Randy will get tired of pool and drag you off somewhere, then me and Joe will sit there and stare at each other until the rest of you deem it time to return. And by then, Fox and Mandie will have gotten into an argument about something or another, so he'll hit on me instead."
"Yes, and a soccer game will be so much more exciting," Daphne countered. Justin sighed.
"Look, either way, I've gotta go," he said. "Please, just come and keep me company?" Daphne narrowed her eyes.
"What do I get out of it?" she asked. Justin glared. This was the downside of being best friends with a girl - they always wanted something in return.
"I'll buy you a hot dog." Daphne's expression didn't waver - she wasn't buying it. "And a soda and an ice cream," he added. "And we'll bring Fox, too, so you won't be hanging there all by yourself while I do my interview." After a moment of contemplation, Daphne finally sighed.
"Fine," she said. "But it'd better be one damn good hot dog."
Soccer to Richards was what football was to most schools. Unfortunately, Richards had never had much luck with football. Their soccer team, however, continued to excel year after year, and matches were a big deal in terms of the high school social scene. The stadium was packed by the time the three friends arrived - Fox had had a hard time even finding a parking spot. Of course, it wasn't helping that he was grousing the entire way. Somehow, although he had agreed to go, it still became Justin and Daphne's fault that he was 'wasting his Friday night watching a bunch of homophobes throw around a piece of stuffed leather'. Justin was used to it by now, though. In a little bit, Fox would stop complaining and enjoy himself - he just liked to play the drama queen role for attention.
"Hot dog," Daphne demanded, tugging on Justin's sleeve. He gaped at her.
"Daphne, we just walked through the gates, and you ate before you left. You can't be hungry again." His friend scoffed.
"How long have you known me?" she questioned. Justin sighed. The girl ate more than anyone else he knew, Fox included - and that said a lot. Taking her by the elbow, he led her over to the concession booth.
"We'll meet you in the stands," he called to Fox, who barely noticed, because he had once again been surrounded by admirers. He and Daphne watched as they waited in line amongst the masses of starving, football-crazed teenagers.
"What is it about him?" Justin wondered out loud, as boys and girls alike gazed adoringly up at him. "Why can't we get guys that easily?"
"Hey, I already have one, thank you very much," his friend reminded him. Justin snorted.
"Right," he agreed. "You've got Randy. And what a catch he is, at that. Seriously, Daph - how long do you think that's gonna last? The guy's practically illiterate."
"That's not true!" Daphne exclaimed. Justin sighed. He honestly didn't know how someone as intelligent as her could let herself be seen with someone like Randy. He loved Mandie like she was his own sister, but her brothers were cavemen. Granted, Randy was a bit of a more interesting caveman, but still. They had three-track minds: beer, girls, and sports.
"Look, a girl's got her needs," Daphne said, trying a different tactic to make Justin see things her way. "Randy may not be the perfect guy, but sometimes you just have to take what you can get." As they finally reached the head of the line, she began ordering, while Justin gazed onto the field, spotting the back of Brian's head.
"What if you have found the perfect guy?" he asked. Daphne snorted, not even having to ask to know who he was talking about.
"Justin, get real - you barely know this guy. He's probably not even gay."
"Why do you say that?" Justin argued.
"He coaches soccer."
"He coached football at his last school."
"Well there you go, then."
"Exactly. Daph, football is the most uke/seme sport ever. Except for wrestling. And lifeguarding."
"Lifeguarding's not a sport."
"They teach it in gym."
"They teach first aid in gym, too."
"Shut up and eat your hot dog." While Daphne was occupied with her food, Justin wove his way through the crowd, pulling her with him. Up in the stands, they managed to locate Fox, if only from his crowd of admirers. Upon seeing the pair, Fox waved the others away. And, amazingly, they left.
"How's the game going?" Daphne asked, taking his hand as he helped her up to the top row. Fox snorted.
"Like I was actually watching," he scoffed. He and Daphne leaned against one another, making snide comments about the players and audience members as they shared the massive hot dog and the chips and pop she'd gotten along with. Justin hadn't noticed those before.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Chips weren't part of the deal!"
"Oh, lighten up and watch your coach guy," Daphne retorted. Fox laughed.
"Awww," he cooed, reaching over to pinch Justin's cheeks. "Has little Sunshine got a crush?"
"That's putting it mildly," Daphne piped up. "He's been talking about him and drawing him all day. He's giving him an interview after the game, thanks to Knoll."
"You sure that's all he's giving him?" Fox blurted. He and Daphne collapsed into giggles while Justin rolled his eyes.
"Fox, how is it that you're in college?" he countered. "Mentally, you've yet to progress past five years old."
"Oooh, you do have it bad," Fox observed. At Justin's glare, he moved away from Daphne and wrapped his arms around the younger boy from behind, kissing him at the base of the neck. "Take it from me, kid," he said. "If you really like this guy, don't wait around - go for it." Justin tried with all his might to stay pissed at his friend for his teasing, but the truth was, no one could stay mad at Fox, and Justin just ended up smiling and leaning his head back against the older boy's.
"I will hold you to that," Justin informed. "So if something goes wrong, it's your fault." Fox scoffed.
"Hello, this is me we're talking about," he retorted. "What could possibly go wrong?"
Now it was Justin and Daphne's turn to snort. Within seconds, they were collapsing against each other in laughter. It was well-known that although he could have his pick of just about anybody, Fox loved a challenge. And that often got him in trouble. By the time the game had ended, the trio had recounted nearly all of his more embarrassing choices, including the affair he'd had with the mall santa and three of his elves. When the final buzzer rang, Justin guiltily realized that he hadn't watched a single minute of the game. He had spent plenty of time sneaking glances of Brian out of the corner of his eye, but none actually watching the players on the field, which was exactly why he was supposed to be there.
"Shit," he muttered. "I'll meet you guys back at the car when I'm done, okay?"
"Don't let his pencil poke you too hard!" Fox called loudly. Justin groaned as he headed out of the stands.
Richards had two sets of locker rooms - one for gym classes, one for sports teams. And, being supremely less than athletic, Justin had never ventured in to the second set where he was headed now. Well, once, but that time, he had barely been paying any attention. But Knoll had assured him that the coach's office was in the middle of the locker room, and that was where he had agreed to meet Brian. Taking a deep breath, Justin pushed open the door.
There were guys everywhere, in various states of undress. Justin bit his lip to keep from laughing. If only they knew what had gone on inside these walls. He'd had to bribe Fox not to tell anyone. With a huge smile on his face, he made a conscious effort not to stare and headed for the door marked "Coach's Office", rapping on it with his fist. His smile faded, however, when he heard Brian shout:
"I already told you - if you need something, too damn bad." Justin was half a second away from turning and leaving when he heard Fox's voice in his ear:
"If you really like this guy, don't wait around - go for it." Only Fox was able to instill that kind of confidence in Justin. With his friend's encouragement behind him, he pushed open the door anyway.
"What the fuck is wrong with...." Brian trailed off when he saw who it was. He blinked, as if he had forgotten about the interview. "Right," he muttered to himself. "Look, this isn't a very good time right now. Do you think you could come back some other time?"
"Actually, I need this turned in by tomorrow," Justin murmured meekly, his confidence fading a bit. Brian chuckled.
"Right. Of course you do," he said. He pulled back the blinds on the window to see that the team had already cleared out of the locker room, eager to get on with the rest of their weekends, starting with dozens of drunken post-game celebrations. "Tell you what," he said, withdrawing his fingers and letting the blinds snap back into place. "I have to lock up the stadium - why don't you take your tape recorder or whatever and come with me?" Justin's grin returned. He would have followed this guy anywhere. On the way back to the field, he gathered the nerve to ask:
"So what is it that's got you in such a bad mood?" Brian actually stopped walking and turned to him in disbelief.
"Did you see the game?" he asked. Justin blushed sheepishly. Seeing this, Brian's expression softened.
"I'm taking that as a 'no' then," he chuckled, resuming the walk to the stadium. "Not a big sports fan?"
"Not really, no."
"How'd you get stuck writing about soccer, then?"
"I volunteered."
"I see." They had reached the front gates. Brian pulled a massive key ring out of his pocket, and was about to use it to lock them when he spied several soccer balls lying in the middle of the field. "Who the fuck..." he trailed off, giving Justin a sideways glance. "Let's pretend you didn't hear that, huh?" he said sheepishly.
"Hear what?" Brian shot him a grin and took off towards the wayward balls at a jog. Struggling to keep up with him, Justin probed: "So, you never did tell me what had you so cranky." Brian sighed.
"One of my star players twisted his ankle," he answered, bending down to collect one of the balls. "It was a big commotion. You really didn't see any of that?"
"I was distracted," Justin admitted. "By my friends...and by you." The second the words had left his mouth, he instantly regretted them. Maybe he had listened too close to Fox, because now he was beginning to sound like him, and that was rarely a good thing. Brian, however, although stunned, just gave him yet another of his huge grins.
"Good answer," he said. Idly, he kicked a ball towards Justin.
"Let's see your kick," he said. Justin laughed.
"It's not very good," he promised.
"Just try," Brian urged. Justin looked down at ball. Lifting his leg, pointed his toe, aimed it towards the ball, and kicked with all his might. When his foot finally connected with the ball after a series of mortifying misses, it shot to the left, missing the goalie net completely.
"Told you so," he laughed. "I'm just not a sports kind of guy."
"Your power is actually quite good," Brian insisted. "The problem is, you're holding your leg all wrong. Here - try it like this." He stepped behind Justin, positioning his legs and feet. In doing so, his body brushed innocently against Justin's backside, and the younger man felt himself shiver involuntarily. "Now kick," Brian instructed. Justin did as he was told. This time, the ball went sailing above the ground in a perfectly straight line towards the net, landing in the far back corner. Brian laughed in disbelief.
"I don't suppose you want to take Branden's place on the team?" he asked.
"You don't want me," Justin assured. "My running's for shit, and I'm not very coordinated."
"We'll see about that. Come on - follow me." And with that, he took off running. Justin rolled his eyes, and was surprised to find that when he actually tried, he could match Brian's pace quite easily. "See, you're not that bad," he teased. They ran a few laps, and Justin was immensely proud to find that he was not at all winded when they finished. Finally, though, Brian slowed them to a stop. "One more thing," he said. "Reflexes." And then he led Justin through a series of exercises that involved leaping from one foot to another and keeping his balance. By now, Justin wasn't even surprised that he excelled at these as well. Truth be told, he had never had any reason to put forth an effort before now. But with Brian here, he was able to discover things he had never known he was able to do before. When he halted, he had the biggest grin on his face he'd ever had. Using his shirt to wipe the sweat from his forehead, he turned to Brian.
"So, did I pass?" he teased. Brian was staring at him in amazement.
"If you want the spot, it's yours," he said. "But let me tell you this - if you don't accept? No interview."
"Aww, now you wouldn't really do that, would you?" Brian shrugged.
"Better take it, just to be sure," he said. Justin nodded.
"I'll do it," he said. "But tell you what - I'm beat, and I know you want to get outta here, too. I'll pull your info off the school website and fudge the whole thing, okay?"
"Just don't make me sound bad," Brian teased. Justin shot him his full-on sunshine smile that Daphne had told him no woman or man, straight or gay, could resist. He prayed she was right.
"Impossible," he breathed.