Chapter 24: Competition

A/n: I'm hungry. ANYWAY, Squaresoft owns FF7 and LadyTifa26 owns Laura. Reviewers, authors, and authoresses own other characters.

Laura was sitting outside in the backyard in Cloud's hammock, sitting lazily while staring into the clouds (No pun intended). Her eyes looked blank, as did her expression, but still, it was a bright, sunny day, and the blue in the sky shone like sapphires against a saffron topaz sun. Wow, I'm getting too poetic.

"Laura?"

"WAUGH!" Vincent was standing behind her, obviously a bit concerned.

"Are you okay?"

"Does it matter to you?", she asked, abruptly, and harshly. She was blushing though.

"I wouldn't be out here if it didn't.", he said. "Can I do anything?"

"Yes. LEAVE.", she said. He merely sighed, and acquiesced to her demands. He couldn't do anything more.

"Wow. Laura's been like that a lot lately.", said Rachel, cleaning the dishes with Christina, looking out the window in front of the sink. "AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"

"Hmph!", said Christina. "Easy. K-

"Yes. Yes you are.", said Rachel, cutting her off. She had a mischievous smile, and Christina could only glare back.

"DIE!" THWOCK! Rachel got one right in the face.

"OW!"

"Ah. I see why Tifa loves hitting you.", said Christina. "Best stress reliever I've ever seen."

"I. . .HATE you. . .", mumbled Rachel, putting a bandage on her nose. "While you are here for rather inexplicable reasons-

"Kristi's getting supplies.", said Christina.

"INEXPLICABLE REASONS. . .", continued Rachel. "You should help me find out what's eating Laura."

"Fine.", said Christina. "But just because I want to help her out, not you.

"Good enough with me.", said Rachel. "I'LL CALL HER! L-

"NO!", shouted Christina. "THAT'S NOT THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE IT!"

"Why not?"

"Trust me. If she's not feeling up to her normal self, she won't be very responsive. I KNOW! TO THE LAB. . .cave. . .mom's. . .sciencey. . .THING!", shouted Christina. "AWAY!"

"AHH!"

Laura sighed out a breath. She didn't do much lately, and nobody seemed to bother her for it. They just left her alone, perhaps thinking she could get over it herself. Her eyes lacked luster as they stared into space, looking as if they were straining to see something in the sky. Like some sort of answer. She didn't eat much now, and if she wasn't out here, she was shut in her room. Conversation between her and Rachel were now brief. She drifted.

"Huh?" She noticed a hand move over the side of the hammock. "WHAT?!"

"Aw, she noticed. . .", said somebody. "HI!" They peered over the hammock, with an extremely wide smile, like Kristi's. Except, it looked like she had more sugar. Her hair was long, spiky, and had silver with pink highlights, a black tank top with a heart on it, two belts on her leg, and black boots. "I'M KONOSHI! GOTTA RUN!"

"WAIT!" But Konoshi was already running off. Laura didn't say anything after that. It was if it never happened.

"Hmph. Did you see a silver-haired porcupine run across the road?", asked Rachel, going into the mansion with Christina.

"You're delusional.", said Christina. "Come on, let's go see mom."

"Mom?"

"MY mom."

"Ah."

"YOU BROUGHT A GUINEA PIG?!", shouted Lucrecia, as soon as she noticed her daughter brought somebody with her. "Oh, it's just Rachel. YAY! YOU BROUGHT A GUINEA PIG!"

"NO!", shouted Rachel. "We're here to see you if can help us bring Laura out of her slump."

"Easy. Tell her to sit up straight."

"NO! It's why she's feeling so crappy lately. I don't like seeing her like that.", said Rachel. "If she stays like that, there'll be nobody else for me to go chocobo tipping! AND TO PLAY PRANKS ON 'LITTLE MISS PERFECT' HERE!" Rachel was pointing a shaking finger to Christina.

"SHUT UP!"

"Lessee here. . .", said Lucrecia, rummaging through a pile of metal. "Death ray? No. . . Automatic nose hair plucker? No. . . Electromagnetic bear traps? No. . . Genetically altered doughnuts that help you lose weight? Possibly. . . Bun warmer with a washing machine extension? Nuh, uh. AH! HERE IT IS!" She pulled out what looked like a sieve with antennae on it. "THE MIND TRANSMISSION DEVICE! Oh, no. . . That's just a funny sieve. . . WAIT! IT REALLY IS IT!"

"She's your mom? Good luck.", said Rachel.

"Is that your face? Good luck.", said Christina.

"With this, you can read more thoughts than Miss Cleo!", said Lucrecia. "Meaning that, throwing a dart at a random answer on the wall to everybody's thoughts is less efficient than this! HUZZAH!"

"Proud, are you?", asked Rachel. "Are you sure we should invade her mind? HEY!" Christina and Lucrecia were already running up the stairs to try it. "I WANT TO INVADE MY FRIEND'S THOUGHTS, TOO!"

"Aw, she looks sad.", said Konoshi, watching Laura from afar. "Well, this sure puts my plans on hold. Where is the northern crater again? Oh yeah, north. OH WELL! IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GONNA RESURRECT HIMSELF! HE CAN WAIT FOR A MOMENT! Oh. No, he can't. WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE HE'LL KNOW!" Konoshi climbed out of the tree she was in, and snuck closer. "Huh?" She noticed Rachel, Christina, and Lucrecia, crouched behind a bush, with the helmet thing.

"She's MY friend! I should hear her thoughts!"

"I'm smarter than you, so I should hear!" Christina and Rachel were arguing for possession of the device.

"CALM DOWN!", hissed Lucrecia. "She'll hear us!"

"Damn right, I will." Laura was standing behind them with an angry black death look. "What are you doing?"

"Uh. . . Bird watching?", said Rachel.

"You know what?", asked Laura.

"What?"

"BIRD WATCHING IS MUCH BETTER IN A HIGHER PLACE!" She throttled them all in one punch, and they went flying into the clouds.

"Whoa. . .", said Konoshi after seeing all of that. "I think maybe I should back off. . ."

"You think?" Now Laura appeared behind her.

"AAAAAGH! HAVE MERCY!" She checked around her for something, then picked up this small black ball. "SORRY!" FLLOOSH! A black smoke went up, and she was gone.

"Damn. . .", said Laura. "I was just asking for who she was. . . And is she some sort of freak? I mean, the hair, the disappearing. . . Meh." She shrugged, and sat back down into the hammock.

"Ow. . .", said Rachel, trudging back with the other two. "Damn, that girl's got some arm."

"I'm fine!", said Lucrecia, unscathed.

"Not all of us pack a parachute, mom.", said Christina.

"Where did we land?", asked Rachel.

"Over Mt. Nibel.", said Christina. "A few miles out from Rocket Town."

"Got any idea what's eating Laura?"

"Nope.", said Christina. "We'll have to still try this mind device thing , though."

"Can't. Broke on impact.", said Lucrecia. "BUT WITH MY GENIUS, I CAN REPAIR IT!"

"An antenna broke off. You can glue it back on.", said Christina.

"Aw, and look at my daughter. SHE INHERITED MY GENIUS! OF COURSE YOU CAN GLUE IT BACK ON!"

Back on the Planet, (Yes, the Planet. I've gotten a bit bored now.) Gast was building this machine that does who the hell knows what, while Ifalna sat happily humming, filing her nails. The Planet was warm, sunny, and had much forest, as well as towns that were built by all who arrived there. The good people lived in these towns, while the bad. . . well, didn't. They existed on a negaverse side of the Planet, doing whatever, in the deserts. The Planet was very advanced, philosophically and technologically, and yep, pretty damn prosperous. But anyway, back to Gast's invention.

"IT IS COMPLETED!", he shouted. "BEHOLD! THE. . .THE. . .Hmm, I haven't named it yet."

"Why are you giving it a name, dear?", asked Ifalna.

"BECAUSE I LOVE IT TOO MUCH! IT IS LIKE MY CHILD!"

"We already HAVE a child, dear.", said Ifalna, exasperated.

"Yes. . .BUT SHE AIN'T HERE, NOW IS SHE?!"

"Do you honestly want her dead?"

"No. . ."

"I KNOW WHO I'D LIKE DEAD. . .", grumbled Zack, off in a corner of the stone room they were in. Ifalna was next to a window, and Gast was beside a work desk.

"Cloud?"

"No, he won fairly. . .", said Zack. "THAT GUY!" He was pointing down, because technically this place was heaven, and if you went far enough, indeed, you would be standing on a cloud. "No wait. He's dead."

"Who?"

"Heideggar."

"Good riddance. . .", said Gast. "Wait. . .If he's dead, doesn't that means he comes here?"

"Aw, crap."

"Um, what does that thing do?" Ifalna was talking about the invention.

"Heideggar? Nothing."

"No, your invention."

"OH! I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK THAT!"

"Why did you marry him?", asked Zack in a whisper.

"Shut up.", whispered Ifalna.

"As you know, we only have a limited view to the living realm. . .", said Gast. "But this thing gives us clarity! This baby allows us to see whomever we want, where we want, and when we want! And I'll bet this thing can let us see much more, too. . . ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING TO WHERE WE TRY THIS OUT?!" He and Zack jumped up together, both very excited.

"THE PLAYBOY MANSION!"

"SILICON VALLEY!" They both looked at each other. "The Playboy Mansion?", asked Gast.

"Silicon Valley?", asked Zack.

"COMPUTER CHIPS!"
"NAKED GIRLS!" Throughout their argument, Ifalna was growing very annoyed.

"SILICON!"

"SILICONE!"

"QUIET!", shouted Ifalna.

"Quiet? Where's that? Kansas?", asked Zack.

"Wrong world, dummy.", said Ifalna. "That's the third world living plane where Rachel and Laura are from, not the fourth one, where Cloud and the others are."

"What about the fifth?", asked Zack.

"That's THIS one."

"Oh."

"I say, we check up on everybody.", said Ifalna. "That way, I know Aeris is doing fine."

"AND I CAN SEE WHAT MY ASSISTANT HAS INVENTED!", said Gast.

"TIFA BETTER BE TAKING A SHOWER!", shouted Zack. They both turned and looked at him. "Er. . .sorry."

Laura was still in the hammock, on the verge of sleep. It was getting late in the afternoon by then, and she was very drowsy.

"Excellent. . .", said Gast. "The sleepier she is, the easier this will be. . ." He whipped out a screen, and slide projections were displayed on them. "AHEM!", he coughed. "YOU SEE, OUR DIMENSIONS ARE CLOSE, BUT NOT YET THE SAME! THERE IS A BARRIER BETWEEN US, ISSUING US LIMITED VISION, LIKE A FENCE IF YOU WILL! NOW, AS THE CONSCIOUSNESS APPROACHES SLEEP, THINK OF THAT DREAMLIKE STATE AS A CLOSER GATE TO OUR DIMENSION! SO, WE SLIP IN THROUGH THE GATE IN THE FENCE, TO PEER AT THE OTHER SIDE!"

"Will this hurt?", asked Zack.

"Nope!"

"I'M IN!", he said. "Anybody taking a shower will be fine. . . OUCH!"

"FOCUS!", said Ifalna.

"I can't say anything about you. . .", said Zack. "The whistling?" Ifalna was whistling again at his insinuation. "Nevermind. . ."

"OKAY! POWER. . .ON!" Gast pressed a large red button on his behemoth machine, that was moved outside to the edge, where the clouds were. "I love that button. . . Now, all we have here is. . .Laura?"

"Meh, she'll do. . .", said Zack. "Is it an outdoor bath?"

"SHUT UP!", yelled Ifalna.

"No. . .she's in a hammock. . .", said Gast. "If we gain clarity. . ." He moved his hand to a dial near the lens, and then one where speakers were. What seemed to be Laura's voice was projected.

"Ow, sitting here all day has made my butt hurt. . .", said Laura's thoughts. "Damn but I can't help thinking about that useless pile of scum. . ."

"Wow. Her butt, then scum. Somehow, I think this is more of a weather report of her bowels.", said Zack.

"SHHHH!", said Gast. "That's not all. . ."

"So. . . Where did Rachel go? I feel better now. . . I guess sitting out here did me some good. Who?" She saw Lucrecia trudging over, then she bowed.

"Sorry, for trying to invade your thoughts. . .", said Lucrecia.

"BRILLIANCE! SHEER BRILLIANCE!", said Gast. "SHE WAS THINKING PRECISELY WHAT I WAS THINKING!"

"You're married to me, remember?", asked Ifalna. "You know? Ifalna, your WIFE?!"

"Uh huh, sure. . .", said Gast, undisturbed.

"OOH! MOVE THIS KNOB!", said Zack. They zoomed in on Laura and Lucrecia's. . .boobs. "PRETTY!"

"STOPPIT!", shouted Ifalna. "NOT ALL THE PEOPLE HERE HAVE A HAPPY IN THEIR PANTS!"

"No, but it's 2 to 1, and we outnumber you.", said Zack. SMACK! Ifalna hit them over the head with a piko mallet.

"How about now?"

"You win. . ."

"Oh great. . .Lucrecia. . ." Laura's thoughts were still amplified. "And in how many ways are you Captain Dark's perfect girl. . .?"

"Captain Dark?", asked Zack.

"Vincent. . .", said Ifalna.

"I hope his black leiderhosen rides up on his God forsaken ass. . ."

"I hope you can forgive me. . .", said Lucrecia.

"It's okay. . .", said Laura.

"It's not. . .", thought Laura.

"It's no problem, really.", she said.

"You're the problem. . .", she thought.

"Say 'hi' to Vincent for me, please."

"Tell him to drop dead, please."

"No problem!", said Lucrecia, giving a genuine smile.

"Damn. . .", thought Laura. "No wonder he likes her. . ."

"Thank you for your time.", said Lucrecia. She walked off.

"Hoo. . .", thought Laura. "I guess I really have no chance with him, seeing as how I can't rival THAT. . ."

"Aww. . .", said Zack. "ABSOLUTELY NO ACTION!"

"DON'T YOU GET THE POINT?!", shouted Lucrecia. "SHE FEELS PUT DOWN!"

"I could've told you that. . .", said Zack. "What month is it?"

"Uh, it's January. . .", said Ifalna. "The 23rd."

"GOODY. . .", said Zack, with another evil grin.

"OH NO! NOT AFTER CHRISTMAS!"

"Come on! Just look at me! I'd look good in a cloth!", said Zack.

"That's meant for chubby naked babies to parade in, holding arrows.", said Ifalna. "Not full grown men."

"Unless YOU want to take your turn. . ."

"I'LL DO IT!", said Gast.

"Me thinks you like parading around in almost nothing.", said Zack. "That's creepy, dude. Although I must admit, Ifalna looked pretty hot dressed like that."

"ARE YOU HITTING ON MY WIFE?!"

"ARE YOU HITTING ON MY DAUGHTER'S MOTHER?! NAMELY ME?!", shouted Ifalna. "Why, thank you. . ."

"Anyway, I'll do it. . .", said Zack. "It beats hanging around here."

"You like acting as an angel, don't you?", asked Gast.

"What can I say? I GOT THE FACE OF ONE! AND, a body to match. . ."

"Please, clothes ON. . .", said Ifalna.

"Suuuuure. . .", said Zack. "But ONLY until I get to act my part. . . THEN, I AM CUPID!"

"You must be the creepiest cupid there ever was then. . .", said Ifalna.

AN3: Wow. Useless dialogue, weird situations that make no sense, and no action. You know I'm having exams.

Tifa: ::sighs:: Yep. . .

AN3: Hmph. I had a bunch of updates, but I can't remember them all. . . Oh, let me try this. . . Well, most character sketches are complete, with only a few remaining, the web comic is SOOOOOO SLOW! My website isn't doing much better, I think I'm doing fine on my exams, Nibelheim is the real name for "the land of the dead" in what I believe is Norse mythology, and the sky is blue.

Cloud: Not at sunset or rise.

AN3: SHUT UP! I have new characters. . . Some are old because I neglected to introduce them because I've been losing these and had to virtually staple them to me. HERE WE GO! I HOPE I GET EVERYBODY! KEILY, ETERNAL, SKY, HACKER, MIA, AND. . .some name I can't pronounce right. Kirokaki?

Nyow: That works.

AN3: WHAT?!

Tifa: I said that works.

AN3: HUH?!

Kirokaki: What?

AN3: YOU HAVE TOO MANY NAMES! AND WHY DO THEY NICKNAME YOU TIFA?!

Nyow: I said not to ask.

AN3: Yeah, well, here on the set, we'll just call you Nyow. Or Kirokaki. Damn, is Nyow you, or is Kirokaki the character? Okay, since we have alter selves here, the character is Kirokaki, and the real person is Nyow.

Laura: Who names their child, "Nyow"?

Nyow: "Nyowpotopop", really.

AN3: AGH!

Rachel: And what about these other people? Keily glomping Rufus Eternal hitting on Sephiroth Hacker and Sky talking to Yuffie taking some materia Mia, standing a bit indifferently

AN3: Meh. I don't know. We've got an ASS LOAD of resume people now. . . Like. . .25 or something. Keily huggling black chocobo, named Sleiphnir Sleiphnir? I thought it was Sleipnir.

Rachel: blinkity blink blink HUH?!

AN3: More Norse mythology. Sleiphnir is the eight-legged horse of Odin.

Tifa: You're smarter than you look. . . But still, that's pretty dumb.

AN3: Thank you, I think. . . Hmph. Yep, as it seems, my new fic sucks. I'm seriously considering taking off the web.

Tifa: Pity, upon your wretched soul. . . keeps preoccupied

AN3: Yeah, you seem like you're preoccupied all the time. Well, as if I care! I HAVE EXAMS! Oh, but the funny thing is, NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO SPELL! In the resume, I clearly spell "character", and people spell it SO weirdly. . . Like, "Caracter, charectar, cheracter, charecter, and of course, charechter. Damn, I'm such a grammar freak. . . WELL, I'M SURE I FLUNKED ENGLISH! throws notes everywhere I'LL SEE YA' IF I PASS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Laura: Sugar high. . .sighs Anyway, the next episode is more of my own episode, sorta, and I do believe this is an awkward one with me and Vincent. . . Gravy, more public humiliation. Later. . .