Disclaimer: Please see Chapter 1 for full disclaimers.
Before we get started...
Had a wee bit of writer's block getting this done. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!
Chapter 9: Maranwe's Ghost
A hearty breeze played through the mallorn branches the night before Haldir's handfasting. He had resisted Orophin's repeated attempts to ply him with wine and finally Rumil had dragged their younger brother off into the night. Haldir enjoyed the solitude and the strains of singing that rode the breeze through Lothlorien.
Unable to sleep, he finally descended from his dwelling and strolled on the paths that meandered through the trees. The lights of 'Lorien gave the forest an ethereal glow. Finally, his feet brought him to a secluded glade with a simple carved bench in the center. Remarkably this tiny area was not far from the clearing where the Mirror of Galadriel rested, but for some reason few Elves frequented this one spot. Few save Haldir.
"Maranwe," he said. The breeze kicked up again as it often did when he spoke his thoughts to the night air. "How I wish to believe that it is you, and not the breath of spring, that winds around me." But I know it is not you. Your ghost is far from here, feasting with Mandos in his great Hall, and I must believe that you have found some solace and peace there. At least I know you do not know the pain of your battle wounds any more.
"Though your soul is far from me," he said aloud, "it brings me some peace to think that you can hear me when I call you. Maybe it is simply my vanity insisting that you could not resist the call of my voice. Rumil would call it hubris, and my brother is often right. I wonder how you would have viewed my pride."
He thought of Runevalas, and how she would gently tease him when his pride spoke, and the image of her face in his mind brought a smile to his face. After that first day when he had finally admitted that he loved her, Haldir had found Runevalas more and more in his thoughts. He chuckled to himself as he sat down on the bench, and let his mind wander back a few months...
"Haldir? Haldir!"
The Marchwarden flinched and a slight bit of color rose to his cheeks. Rumil had caught him daydreaming. "Rumil. I didn't hear you..." he said.
Haldir's brother looked at him for a long moment, especially at the color in his cheeks and then could not contain his glee. "You were daydreaming about Runevalas, you rogue!" he laughed. "I can see it in your eyes."
Cornered and captured, Haldir put his hands up. "You have found me out. I am truly in love, Rumil, and she invades my thoughts and dreams day and night." Then he paused and smiled at his brother. "And I do not care in the slightest that you know."
The breeze took Haldir out of his memory and back into the small glade hidden within Lothlorien.
"I know, feahoon," he whispered. "You know why I've come." He closed his eyes and let the wind caress his face, remembering Maranwe's fingers on his cheek, wondering what it would have been like to truly kiss her and not her ghost.
"I have come to realize that loving someone else does not mean that I love you less. You were my feahoon. You are my feahoon, and that will never change. But I cannot go through the rest of my life alone, bitter regret caging my heart and turning it to ice. I cannot believe you would have wanted me to live like that."
After another moment of silence, he stood quickly and walked out of the glade with a purposeful stride. Walking into the larger clearing that sheltered Galadriel's Mirror, he marched up to it resolutely and then stopped dead in his tracks.
Another step, he thought. One more step and I can see the future... "No," he said out loud and backing up a step. "Knowing the future is too weighty a burden, and already in this life I carry too much on my shoulders. No. I will not look in Galadriel's Mirror."
Nearby, a spring bubbled up through some rocks and trickled down into a small pool. Haldir went to one knee and scooped a handful of the cool liquid. He took a sip and then paused, watching the ripples distort his reflection for a moment. When the water stilled he stared at himself, sizing up his reflection in the spring.
"There is no question that Runevalas is a worthy mate," he said to his reflection, "but are you worthy of her? She has said that she can share my heart with Maranwe's memory, but can I find room in my heart for her?" The reflection looked steadily back, offering no insights, no comments. Haldir frowned. How can I doubt myself like this? he thought angrily. I waver and hesitate like I'm a mere child. I am the Marchwarden of 'Lorien. I have fought in many battles and been trusted to carry intimate secrets for the Lady of the Wood. And here I doubt my worth as a mate and a husband? I love Runevalas.
He straightened up and looked up towards the sky.
"Maranwe! I have mourned for you for years upon years. We only had a few moments and I will always treasure those regardless of the circumstances that brought us together. So many never find a feahoon; we were fortunate to have the moments that we did. But Mandos took you from me far too soon, and that is the reality of this life. I cannot have you back, and so I must let you go. Forgive me for that."
He stopped and sighed. Around him Lothlorien was silent. No music danced over the mallorn leaves. No breeze stirred the branches.
"Please forgive me," he whispered a second time.
Still there was silence.
It was folly to think she would answer me, thought Haldir. "I will never forget you, Maranwe, and I will always love you, but I must live while I am a flesh and blood creature of this world. And to truly live, I must love. Perhaps it is vanity to think you can hear me, but I wish you could tell me that you understand."
Out of the night silence, a cool spring breeze kicked up. It darted into the clearing and enveloped Haldir, teasing his hair and his cape. It whispered in his ear and then fled, laughing, through the forest. With wide eyes, he watched where the breeze had gone. Despite the tears in his eyes, a wide smile blossomed on his normally stern face.
"Thank you, feahoon," he whispered. "Thank you."
A bit of a transitional portion to the story, but hope you enjoyed. Please read/review and let me know what you think!