'Snape was in this house - Snape was in this house,' muttered Harry. 'Ugh,
SNAPE was in this BLOODY house! Oh, Merlin - I apologised. What the -'
No - the room wasn't going round. He'd only had a few.
Five actually. He reckoned. And course it wasn't.
What should he do about the scroll? Harry tried to visualise the faces he'd seen on it. And of his own. It had to be real. There - plain as can be, were the marks on his hand caused by the pink hairbrush bristles. His eyesight.
This was real.
But the past few weeks had been so surreal - everything seemed blurred together. Dudley's stuff he'd got was grown by one of his friends and it was pretty strong - and if Harry wasn't busy getting mashed on it he was drunk. In between all that had been several visions kindly sent to him by a very angry Voldemort.
Harry had been too distressed following Sirius' death to reconsider Occlumency. His anger and distress had actually made his visions worse. This is the reason why the order had made him the talisman. And the visions had been bad.
One had been Lupin being stabbed by Wormtail, his silver hand morphing into a shining sword, like he'd seen in a film once. Another had been of a stony faced Draco throwing dark curses at Hermione. Curses that were too terrible to think about.
And then his dreams were no better. Never mind the hallucinations. Most of them had people dying in them. Harry also had awful sensations of falling from his broomstick or being petrified and helpless.
Or being shut alone in the Department of Mysteries without his wand, the doors all around him. But he would run round and open every one, getting more and more frightened - behind each door was the same thing - the same terrible truth.
Harry shuddered. Maybe he could take a look at that Occlumency book?
But this was real. The talisman said so. No amount of Occlumency would help here.
Which was why it made sense getting wasted. To make it more bearable.
But what to do afterwards?
Hedwig maybe? No - she was out hunting. She wouldn't be in for another couple of hours. Damn. And he'd only just sent two owls off! Where was an owl when you needed one!
Harry snorted at his own joke. He was feeling rather reckless now. He knew there was always a member of the Order on watch somewhere on Privet Drive. But he wasn't supposed to talk to them because he'd blow their cover.
He had found out how they stood sentry only by accident - he'd heard snoring one day when going for a walk, and had located it to One Privet Drive's flowerbed, where he had nearly fallen over the invisible shape of a sunbathing Mundungus Fletcher.
Harry staggered over to the window, steadied himself with the desk and leaned out. The air smelt strongly of fresh rainfall. The estate had fallen silent, except for the faint noise of the distant motorway and trickling drainpipes.
'Pssssst!'
Harry strained his ears. He tried again a little louder.
'Oi!'
'Hell - o? Hello?'
Silence.
After ten seconds Harry sighed. Pulling the window shut he turned round.
SMASH!!
His heart shot to his throat as he instinctively ducked. A stone whizzed past, narrowly missing his head. Bits of glass clattered all over his desk and skittered everywhere.
Harry grabbed his wand from his bedside table and turned round. The window pane was splintered, with a golf ball sized hole in the middle of it. Harry's gazed at it in shock, before turning to his bed - it wasn't a golf ball, but a similar sized stone.
Harry unfroze and picked his way around the glass to the window. Gingerly he opened the window again and peered out, his wand poised to attack.
No one. The street was as before.
Harry scowled. Probably one of Dudley's mates having a laugh. But now Aunt Petunia would blame him for breaking the window.
Just then Harry heard a muffled giggle. But before his eyes had pinpointed exactly where it was coming from, a hushed voice had spoken up.
'Ooh dear - clumsy me! Oh, Harry - I'm so, so sorry!'
'TONKS!' exclaimed Harry in relief.
'Shhhh - shhh - sh!' giggled the young witch, trying to keep her voice hushed, but mostly failing. 'D-don't wake - the street! One sec - I'm coming up!'
Harry grinned. Nymphadora Tonks was on watch tonight. A young witch who hated her first name, preferring to be called just 'Tonks.'
SHH-CRACK!
She ruffled the grinning teen's hair before gazing round and giggling at the mess. 'Sorry mate! I tried to do that thing I saw on Muggle telly, you know to get people's attention?'
'Er - I think the stone was just a little bit big,' smiled Harry.
'I suppose the charm I used was a bit too strong too! Oh, well Happy Birthday!'
Suddenly there was a sharp rap on Harry's bedroom door and Petunia burst in, wearing a fuchsia pink dressing gown. A set of curlers held her hair tight to her head. Her horsy teeth were bared in silent rage.
It was quite a scary sight.
'What do you think you are doing?!' she hissed. 'You're lucky poor Dudders hasn't woken. And my window! How DARE-' she trailed off as she saw a strawberry haired witch peering curiously at her, and paled at least three shades whiter.
'Yeep!'
'Hullo! You must be Mrs Dursley. I'm Tonks - pleased to meet you,' gabbled Tonks leaping forward and extending her hand in greeting.
Petunia stepped back and let out a strangled sound.
'Oh!' Tonks giggled, blushing. 'I'm sorry about the window Mrs Dursley. I'll just fix it for you.' Tonks swung round, and whipped out her wand. 'Reparo!'
Petunia watched wide-eyed as the shards of glass jumped back off the floor and desk back into the window, as if in reverse motion. The cracks shrunk back into the centre. The pane of glass sparkled like new.
'There we go!' Tonks beamed. 'And I actually got it right this time. The last one I tried to fix was a patio door. Overdid it a bit I'd say. The glass turned to a pile of sand!' she giggled. 'The place looked like a beach!'
Harry noticed his aunt was gawping like a fish, and seemed ready to faint. 'Er, Aunt Petunia, why don't you go back to bed?' he suggested awkwardly.
As if in a daze, she blinked. Maybe she was dreaming? Yes, that was it - and she would wake up shortly. If she just walked out of this room, maybe she could pretend she never dreamt it?
'There you go, just out there now. That's it,' urged Harry, herding Petunia out of the door.
'Nice aunt,' commented Tonks once Harry had got rid of her.
'Not as bad as she used to be,' was the muttered reply.
'Sheesh, poor you.' Harry shrugged at her. Tonks scratched her head. 'So, where's that beefy Unc of yours then?'
'He's got a flat in Guildford, apparently,' said Harry quietly. 'Aunt and Uncle have split up.
Tonks frowned. 'Split up?'
'Divorced,' explained Harry. 'Not living together.'
'Oh, I think I've heard of that,' remarked Tonks. 'Was it an arranged marriage?'
'No. Why?' Harry was confused.
'Oh sorry mate, I forget Muggles do it differently!' Tonks smiled. 'The old richer pureblood fogies in our world still try to set up marriages between their kids.'
'Oh my God!' mouthed Harry, aghast.
'Sometimes it doesn't go too well. But as the sort of families who do it are well off, the house is usually big enough, so a narky married couple can avoid each other quite easily!'
'Do wizards divorce?' enquired Harry.
'Very rarely. So we'd better be careful who we choose, ay Harry,' she winked back.
Harry had a brief vision of being married to Cho there. Mrs Cho Potter crying into her husband's shoulder.
He decided to change the subject. 'So, where have you been watching the telly?'
'Arabella's, waiting for the shift change. Cor, Harry - her cats! The place pongs a bit, doesn't it?'
'Just a bit,' he agreed wryly.
'Now,' said Tonks, suddenly going more serious. 'You know I'm supposed to stay invisible on watch - and I've probably broken a zillion rules.' She grinned. 'But as it's your birthday I thought I'd come in and say hi.' She punched his shoulder playfully.
'Yeah thanks!' Harry tried his best to keep his smile, but his thoughts ended up dragging the ends of his mouth down. Tonks noticed and her smile faded.
'Aw, wassa matter?'
Harry turned away slightly. 'It's nothing. But - er - Tonks?'
'Yes Harry?'
'You didn't see Snape earlier, did you? Hanging about this house, or anything?'
Tonks pulled a face. 'Er - no. The Prince of Slipperyness doesn't do sentry duty. Dumbledore reckons it would be a bit dodgy for him, you know?'
Harry nodded. It made perfect sense. As well as the fact that Snape hated his guts even more now, and the feeling was mutual. Why would he stand guard over 'Potter?'
But-
'It makes sense. But it doesn't,' Harry mumbled. 'I-' he trailed off. How to explain it all without solid evidence? It was a totally insane story. Tonks would think he was going nutty!
And if Tonks didn't know about it maybe only Dumbledore and Snape knew apart from him?
And what had happened after he had turned to glare at Snape in Dumbledore's office? Why did he wake up back in his room? Was he stunned? Who took his scroll?
More whiskey.
Harry decided to put on an act for a while. He punched Tonks playfully back. She dodged and made a grab for his hair again. Harry laughed as she missed. She got hold of one of his pillows and began to swing it at him. Harry dodged the first two swings, but there was a cackle of glee as the third whumped him round the side of the head.
Once the feathers had settled and they had both stopped sniggering he made his way over to the door. 'Err- I'm just going to the loo. I'll be right back.'
Tonks plonked herself on the bed, throwing the pillow aside. 'Okay. But wait a second.' She frowned.
Harry blinked as the mischievous face changed into a stern one. And in a reasonable Scottish accent, Tonks breezed a stern, 'And don't you be getting yourself into any more trouble, laddie! You'll be having a few words with me if Gryffindor doesn't win the House Cup for the sixth year in a row!'
Harry couldn't help sniggering at Tonks' uncanny impression - complete with tartan scarf. 'No Professor McGonagall.'
He crossed the landing as quietly as a drunk teenager could, and gripping the stair banister firmly, began to sway his way down the stairs yet again.
********************************
Severus Snape, the recently sacked Potion's Master and even more recently employed DADA Teacher sat in what could only be described as a bewildered daze.
Had he just agreed to one of Dumbledore's deals just like that? Was he insane? Criminally, maybe. Certified, and self-confessed, probably. Dumbledore knew exactly what strings to pull.
All around the pictures were still staring at Dumbledore in a state of shock. Feeling the weight of so many staring eyes the headmaster cleared his throat awkwardly.
'Ahem.'
The noise caused Snape to blink and focus back onto his employer. A frown began to darken his sharp features.
Dumbledore sensed that the younger wizard was waiting for clarification. 'I think I ought to run through the finer details of the agreement,' he began lightly.
'I think you ought,' replied Snape jerkily. 'You turn me down for the position for years with some half-baked, so-called valid reason. But now it seems you are quite happy to bargain it away and give my job to a class 'A' twit. If half the foundations for this castle still exist by this time next year, I shall be extremely surprised,' he added with a sneer.
Dumbledore chuckled. 'Sharpe will not blow up your beloved dungeons Severus, and you know it. You two are the likely best potion brewers for miles around. And that is counting your old Potions Professor. Janus is rather too old to teach now, poor chap. He was positively ancient when he took his last class in '81.'
'And you sound really distraught about losing me,' hissed Snape bitterly, still trapped in his dark mood. 'I'll bet you wanted Sharpe teaching your potion lessons for years. And now something more - convenient - has come up you can offload me into the cursed job and have the jinx finish me off before the year's through!'
Dumbledore frowned. 'Severus, stop this rubbish,' he said sternly. 'I'll have your paranoid fancies know I wanted nothing of the sort. You needed that potion's position as much as I needed you. Sharpe is an impressive brewer, but he is little good at much else.' Dumbledore's eyes began to twinkle as he pulled out a small paper bag of lemon drops from an inside pocket of his robes. 'You, however, Severus, are a first rate con man, as well as a first rate potion brewer.'
Snape allowed himself a smirk. The sly old sod acted the fool, but he still knew how to compliment.
'So - are we going to discuss the sudden return to health of a certain dark- haired daredevil?'
Snape looked rather sour at first, but made an effort to stifle it. 'As it seems I have little choice.'
Dumbledore looked sad. 'I know that this is not going to be easy for you my boy. But-'
'Cut the sympathy!' snarled Snape. You know I don't give a damn about the blasted fool! He chose to risk his life chasing creatures over half the world's seas. Serves him right he was drowned by one!'
Half the world's seas? 'Wouldn't that make three and a half?' thought Dumbledore to himself. How can you sail half a sea? But maybe there were more seas to make an even number, and it was just the name of the Cod Liver Oil brand was confusing him. He blinked, realising that Snape was still glaring. His mind must have wandered again - where was he? Ah, yes - Snape's brother, near drowning.
'Oh,' said Dumbledore frowning. 'I thought his injuries were due to a rather ill timed meeting with a Rakshasa in Jaipur?'
'H'm - Claudius once told me he thought the lad might have been kicked by a Shedu,' remarked a casual voice from the corner.
'Will you shut up!' snarled Snape whipping his head round to glare at Phineas Nigellus.
'I take it the circumstances surrounding your brother's current condition are not as clear as I thought,' said Dumbledore gently.
'No!' snapped Snape. He took several breaths in attempt to calm himself. 'Why should it matter anyway? How it happened doesn't change anything. He was far too reckless - he deserved it.'
'I don't think your mother would have agreed,' muttered Dumbledore.
'Oh but Father would!' spat Snape viciously.
Dumbledore rose an eyebrow, but chose not to comment further. He knew he was on rocky ground discussing the complexities of Snape's family politics. Time to change the subject again.
'So - we will be needing Norwegian Ridgeback blood for this,' he began carefully. 'I trust you know a reliable trader down Knockturn Alley who would be willing to order it?'
Snape snorted. 'Oh, Dumbledore, here you are blithely skipping into a discussion about dark magic. It is addictive don't you know?' he remarked mockingly. 'You'll feel like performing darker and darker rituals, and before you know it the Ministry will be after your head!'
The smirk twisted into a sneer. 'Oh, pardon me - but wasn't that your excuse for keeping me out of a certain job vacancy for so many years?'
'Have you ever thought about bottling up your vitriol and marketing it as an effective cure for persistent happiness?' returned Dumbledore wryly.
'What?!'
'In jest, Severus. In jest,' he chuckled. 'I kept you from the position because of public suspicion. It wouldn't have been wise to have you teaching that then, and you know it.'
'No indeed - better to fill it with Werewolves, madmen and barmy old hags,' was the sly reply.
Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly. 'But all will be different next year.'
'Correction: I will be all different next year,' returned Snape sourly. 'The joy of designer stubble will be mine.'
'So it may.'
Snape narrowed his eyes at the Headmaster's jovial expression. 'You do know the whole process will be rather painful?'
'Yes, Severus. But as your students have long been aware you have a rather positive attitude toward pain and suffering.'
Snape sneered. 'Ever the comedian.'
'But before you do anything, I must ask you to check back at Privet Drive. I fear we might have moved Harry a little too swiftly.'
'On the contrary, I'm sure he'll have not suspected a thing,' was the smirked reply. 'I added a section of dream to the end of it all. He will wake up, check the talisman, it will point to a dream, and return to sleep. End of matter.'
Dumbledore frowned. 'And this dream fragment you used. It was from a recurring dream of yours, was it not?'
'Yes.'
'Ah. Poor Harry. What frightful dreams you have Severus. Me with those awful glowing red eyes, is this your subconscious telling you not to trust me?'
Snape muttered something incomprehensible.
'I suppose it is only your nature. I do not blame you my boy. But Harry is pretty sharp,' continued Dumbledore. 'What if he has asked the talisman about you?'
The younger wizard snorted. 'And why would he do that? The icy looks Potter gives me are only a step down from the Dark Lord's now.' He laughed dryly. 'If I am not on Potter's most wanted list after last year, I shall be most surprised.'
Dumbledore rose an amused eyebrow. 'Oh, really? Then I suppose you will have to endure being 'most surprised' for the second time in two hours.' He pointed a long and bony finger to a small contraption on his desk. 'This little fellow is showing me that Harry has actually consulted the talisman twice this night.'
Snape scowled in surprise.
'And that little contraption here,' he pointed to another flimsy wire object, 'shows that the Privet Drive sentry is currently in the Dursley's property, which is a direct disregard of my orders. So you see, all these, 'nasty little gew-gaws' as you term them do actually have their uses.'
'Fine, fine!' snapped Snape, rising from his chair. 'Where's that damned Portkey!'
'Oh, and one more thing Severus,' warned Dumbledore as he opened the draw containing the magic hairbrush. 'Take Harry with you as you go to collect the samples tomorrow. He needs to know the whole truth. Let him have all the time he needs to understand everything. It's a shock enough. But it is important that he understands that his father is alive, but that he may never get well.'
Snape's face darkened. 'I'm not taking that brat anywhere!'
'Oh yes you are Severus.'
'I object!'
'You object do you?' was the Headmaster's dangerously cool reply.
*****************
Harry licked his lips as he quietly opened the front door. He knew that Dudley kept a small amount of stuff in a small bag wedged up in the eaves of the porch. He took a flower pot and stood on it to reach it.
Closing the door gently he swayed back into the dining room for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night. He took a fresh glass out of the top of the cabinet and swirled the bottle of whiskey. There was only an inch left.
Had he really had that much?
Oh well.
Unscrewing the lid he tipped the whole bottle back and began to drink it as if it were lemonade.
He barely got to swallow a gulp of it though before the bottle was suddenly rudely snatched out of his hand.
'HEY!' Harry snarled whipping round to find himself staring into the irate eyes of his Potions Master.
His eyes widened for a moment before he smirked. 'Very funny. Ha, ha - the Prince of Slipperyness himself. Very good work,' he crowed before poking Snape in the stomach with a finger. 'You slimy, slimy bastard you. He hee.'
Snape looked positively murderous. 'You're disgustingly drunk, Potter. I will be informing your Head of House about your out of term behaviour!' he barked, baring his teeth.
'Oh ho!' crowed Harry, the giggles beginning to take him over. He collapsed into the sofa - she was too good! 'Stop it Tonks! Stop it! You are too funny! Wheeoh! I think - I'm going - to - split - my sides inna - minute! Prince of Slipper-'
'Potter!'
'Ha ha ha! Ha! Oh please - stop pissing about!'
'POT-'
'Oh, so Harry DID see you!' came an exclamation from the dining room doorway. 'What are you doing here?'
Harry clutched his side. He had a stitch. 'Tonks! That was great!' he wheezed. 'Oh Merlin, you'll have to teach me how to do that!'
'Do what?' was the confused reply.
'Do Snape so -' Harry stopped and opened his eyes. Standing over him was a very concerned looking Tonks, AND a very enraged Professor clutching a nearly empty bottle of whiskey.
And Dudley's packet of cannabis.
'Ah - shit.'
********************************* A/N: Sorry about the wait for this chapter - so I've written a longer one!
A couple of weird mythical creatures that were mentioned. ;-)
RAKSHASA - humanoid tiger-demon from Hindu mythology. Evil, powerful creatures that delight in spreading fear, confusion, chaos, and destruction among human families and communities.
SHEDU - This beast is from Assyrian-Babylonian mythology. It has a human's head, the body of a bull and wings. It guards temples and palaces.
No - the room wasn't going round. He'd only had a few.
Five actually. He reckoned. And course it wasn't.
What should he do about the scroll? Harry tried to visualise the faces he'd seen on it. And of his own. It had to be real. There - plain as can be, were the marks on his hand caused by the pink hairbrush bristles. His eyesight.
This was real.
But the past few weeks had been so surreal - everything seemed blurred together. Dudley's stuff he'd got was grown by one of his friends and it was pretty strong - and if Harry wasn't busy getting mashed on it he was drunk. In between all that had been several visions kindly sent to him by a very angry Voldemort.
Harry had been too distressed following Sirius' death to reconsider Occlumency. His anger and distress had actually made his visions worse. This is the reason why the order had made him the talisman. And the visions had been bad.
One had been Lupin being stabbed by Wormtail, his silver hand morphing into a shining sword, like he'd seen in a film once. Another had been of a stony faced Draco throwing dark curses at Hermione. Curses that were too terrible to think about.
And then his dreams were no better. Never mind the hallucinations. Most of them had people dying in them. Harry also had awful sensations of falling from his broomstick or being petrified and helpless.
Or being shut alone in the Department of Mysteries without his wand, the doors all around him. But he would run round and open every one, getting more and more frightened - behind each door was the same thing - the same terrible truth.
Harry shuddered. Maybe he could take a look at that Occlumency book?
But this was real. The talisman said so. No amount of Occlumency would help here.
Which was why it made sense getting wasted. To make it more bearable.
But what to do afterwards?
Hedwig maybe? No - she was out hunting. She wouldn't be in for another couple of hours. Damn. And he'd only just sent two owls off! Where was an owl when you needed one!
Harry snorted at his own joke. He was feeling rather reckless now. He knew there was always a member of the Order on watch somewhere on Privet Drive. But he wasn't supposed to talk to them because he'd blow their cover.
He had found out how they stood sentry only by accident - he'd heard snoring one day when going for a walk, and had located it to One Privet Drive's flowerbed, where he had nearly fallen over the invisible shape of a sunbathing Mundungus Fletcher.
Harry staggered over to the window, steadied himself with the desk and leaned out. The air smelt strongly of fresh rainfall. The estate had fallen silent, except for the faint noise of the distant motorway and trickling drainpipes.
'Pssssst!'
Harry strained his ears. He tried again a little louder.
'Oi!'
'Hell - o? Hello?'
Silence.
After ten seconds Harry sighed. Pulling the window shut he turned round.
SMASH!!
His heart shot to his throat as he instinctively ducked. A stone whizzed past, narrowly missing his head. Bits of glass clattered all over his desk and skittered everywhere.
Harry grabbed his wand from his bedside table and turned round. The window pane was splintered, with a golf ball sized hole in the middle of it. Harry's gazed at it in shock, before turning to his bed - it wasn't a golf ball, but a similar sized stone.
Harry unfroze and picked his way around the glass to the window. Gingerly he opened the window again and peered out, his wand poised to attack.
No one. The street was as before.
Harry scowled. Probably one of Dudley's mates having a laugh. But now Aunt Petunia would blame him for breaking the window.
Just then Harry heard a muffled giggle. But before his eyes had pinpointed exactly where it was coming from, a hushed voice had spoken up.
'Ooh dear - clumsy me! Oh, Harry - I'm so, so sorry!'
'TONKS!' exclaimed Harry in relief.
'Shhhh - shhh - sh!' giggled the young witch, trying to keep her voice hushed, but mostly failing. 'D-don't wake - the street! One sec - I'm coming up!'
Harry grinned. Nymphadora Tonks was on watch tonight. A young witch who hated her first name, preferring to be called just 'Tonks.'
SHH-CRACK!
She ruffled the grinning teen's hair before gazing round and giggling at the mess. 'Sorry mate! I tried to do that thing I saw on Muggle telly, you know to get people's attention?'
'Er - I think the stone was just a little bit big,' smiled Harry.
'I suppose the charm I used was a bit too strong too! Oh, well Happy Birthday!'
Suddenly there was a sharp rap on Harry's bedroom door and Petunia burst in, wearing a fuchsia pink dressing gown. A set of curlers held her hair tight to her head. Her horsy teeth were bared in silent rage.
It was quite a scary sight.
'What do you think you are doing?!' she hissed. 'You're lucky poor Dudders hasn't woken. And my window! How DARE-' she trailed off as she saw a strawberry haired witch peering curiously at her, and paled at least three shades whiter.
'Yeep!'
'Hullo! You must be Mrs Dursley. I'm Tonks - pleased to meet you,' gabbled Tonks leaping forward and extending her hand in greeting.
Petunia stepped back and let out a strangled sound.
'Oh!' Tonks giggled, blushing. 'I'm sorry about the window Mrs Dursley. I'll just fix it for you.' Tonks swung round, and whipped out her wand. 'Reparo!'
Petunia watched wide-eyed as the shards of glass jumped back off the floor and desk back into the window, as if in reverse motion. The cracks shrunk back into the centre. The pane of glass sparkled like new.
'There we go!' Tonks beamed. 'And I actually got it right this time. The last one I tried to fix was a patio door. Overdid it a bit I'd say. The glass turned to a pile of sand!' she giggled. 'The place looked like a beach!'
Harry noticed his aunt was gawping like a fish, and seemed ready to faint. 'Er, Aunt Petunia, why don't you go back to bed?' he suggested awkwardly.
As if in a daze, she blinked. Maybe she was dreaming? Yes, that was it - and she would wake up shortly. If she just walked out of this room, maybe she could pretend she never dreamt it?
'There you go, just out there now. That's it,' urged Harry, herding Petunia out of the door.
'Nice aunt,' commented Tonks once Harry had got rid of her.
'Not as bad as she used to be,' was the muttered reply.
'Sheesh, poor you.' Harry shrugged at her. Tonks scratched her head. 'So, where's that beefy Unc of yours then?'
'He's got a flat in Guildford, apparently,' said Harry quietly. 'Aunt and Uncle have split up.
Tonks frowned. 'Split up?'
'Divorced,' explained Harry. 'Not living together.'
'Oh, I think I've heard of that,' remarked Tonks. 'Was it an arranged marriage?'
'No. Why?' Harry was confused.
'Oh sorry mate, I forget Muggles do it differently!' Tonks smiled. 'The old richer pureblood fogies in our world still try to set up marriages between their kids.'
'Oh my God!' mouthed Harry, aghast.
'Sometimes it doesn't go too well. But as the sort of families who do it are well off, the house is usually big enough, so a narky married couple can avoid each other quite easily!'
'Do wizards divorce?' enquired Harry.
'Very rarely. So we'd better be careful who we choose, ay Harry,' she winked back.
Harry had a brief vision of being married to Cho there. Mrs Cho Potter crying into her husband's shoulder.
He decided to change the subject. 'So, where have you been watching the telly?'
'Arabella's, waiting for the shift change. Cor, Harry - her cats! The place pongs a bit, doesn't it?'
'Just a bit,' he agreed wryly.
'Now,' said Tonks, suddenly going more serious. 'You know I'm supposed to stay invisible on watch - and I've probably broken a zillion rules.' She grinned. 'But as it's your birthday I thought I'd come in and say hi.' She punched his shoulder playfully.
'Yeah thanks!' Harry tried his best to keep his smile, but his thoughts ended up dragging the ends of his mouth down. Tonks noticed and her smile faded.
'Aw, wassa matter?'
Harry turned away slightly. 'It's nothing. But - er - Tonks?'
'Yes Harry?'
'You didn't see Snape earlier, did you? Hanging about this house, or anything?'
Tonks pulled a face. 'Er - no. The Prince of Slipperyness doesn't do sentry duty. Dumbledore reckons it would be a bit dodgy for him, you know?'
Harry nodded. It made perfect sense. As well as the fact that Snape hated his guts even more now, and the feeling was mutual. Why would he stand guard over 'Potter?'
But-
'It makes sense. But it doesn't,' Harry mumbled. 'I-' he trailed off. How to explain it all without solid evidence? It was a totally insane story. Tonks would think he was going nutty!
And if Tonks didn't know about it maybe only Dumbledore and Snape knew apart from him?
And what had happened after he had turned to glare at Snape in Dumbledore's office? Why did he wake up back in his room? Was he stunned? Who took his scroll?
More whiskey.
Harry decided to put on an act for a while. He punched Tonks playfully back. She dodged and made a grab for his hair again. Harry laughed as she missed. She got hold of one of his pillows and began to swing it at him. Harry dodged the first two swings, but there was a cackle of glee as the third whumped him round the side of the head.
Once the feathers had settled and they had both stopped sniggering he made his way over to the door. 'Err- I'm just going to the loo. I'll be right back.'
Tonks plonked herself on the bed, throwing the pillow aside. 'Okay. But wait a second.' She frowned.
Harry blinked as the mischievous face changed into a stern one. And in a reasonable Scottish accent, Tonks breezed a stern, 'And don't you be getting yourself into any more trouble, laddie! You'll be having a few words with me if Gryffindor doesn't win the House Cup for the sixth year in a row!'
Harry couldn't help sniggering at Tonks' uncanny impression - complete with tartan scarf. 'No Professor McGonagall.'
He crossed the landing as quietly as a drunk teenager could, and gripping the stair banister firmly, began to sway his way down the stairs yet again.
********************************
Severus Snape, the recently sacked Potion's Master and even more recently employed DADA Teacher sat in what could only be described as a bewildered daze.
Had he just agreed to one of Dumbledore's deals just like that? Was he insane? Criminally, maybe. Certified, and self-confessed, probably. Dumbledore knew exactly what strings to pull.
All around the pictures were still staring at Dumbledore in a state of shock. Feeling the weight of so many staring eyes the headmaster cleared his throat awkwardly.
'Ahem.'
The noise caused Snape to blink and focus back onto his employer. A frown began to darken his sharp features.
Dumbledore sensed that the younger wizard was waiting for clarification. 'I think I ought to run through the finer details of the agreement,' he began lightly.
'I think you ought,' replied Snape jerkily. 'You turn me down for the position for years with some half-baked, so-called valid reason. But now it seems you are quite happy to bargain it away and give my job to a class 'A' twit. If half the foundations for this castle still exist by this time next year, I shall be extremely surprised,' he added with a sneer.
Dumbledore chuckled. 'Sharpe will not blow up your beloved dungeons Severus, and you know it. You two are the likely best potion brewers for miles around. And that is counting your old Potions Professor. Janus is rather too old to teach now, poor chap. He was positively ancient when he took his last class in '81.'
'And you sound really distraught about losing me,' hissed Snape bitterly, still trapped in his dark mood. 'I'll bet you wanted Sharpe teaching your potion lessons for years. And now something more - convenient - has come up you can offload me into the cursed job and have the jinx finish me off before the year's through!'
Dumbledore frowned. 'Severus, stop this rubbish,' he said sternly. 'I'll have your paranoid fancies know I wanted nothing of the sort. You needed that potion's position as much as I needed you. Sharpe is an impressive brewer, but he is little good at much else.' Dumbledore's eyes began to twinkle as he pulled out a small paper bag of lemon drops from an inside pocket of his robes. 'You, however, Severus, are a first rate con man, as well as a first rate potion brewer.'
Snape allowed himself a smirk. The sly old sod acted the fool, but he still knew how to compliment.
'So - are we going to discuss the sudden return to health of a certain dark- haired daredevil?'
Snape looked rather sour at first, but made an effort to stifle it. 'As it seems I have little choice.'
Dumbledore looked sad. 'I know that this is not going to be easy for you my boy. But-'
'Cut the sympathy!' snarled Snape. You know I don't give a damn about the blasted fool! He chose to risk his life chasing creatures over half the world's seas. Serves him right he was drowned by one!'
Half the world's seas? 'Wouldn't that make three and a half?' thought Dumbledore to himself. How can you sail half a sea? But maybe there were more seas to make an even number, and it was just the name of the Cod Liver Oil brand was confusing him. He blinked, realising that Snape was still glaring. His mind must have wandered again - where was he? Ah, yes - Snape's brother, near drowning.
'Oh,' said Dumbledore frowning. 'I thought his injuries were due to a rather ill timed meeting with a Rakshasa in Jaipur?'
'H'm - Claudius once told me he thought the lad might have been kicked by a Shedu,' remarked a casual voice from the corner.
'Will you shut up!' snarled Snape whipping his head round to glare at Phineas Nigellus.
'I take it the circumstances surrounding your brother's current condition are not as clear as I thought,' said Dumbledore gently.
'No!' snapped Snape. He took several breaths in attempt to calm himself. 'Why should it matter anyway? How it happened doesn't change anything. He was far too reckless - he deserved it.'
'I don't think your mother would have agreed,' muttered Dumbledore.
'Oh but Father would!' spat Snape viciously.
Dumbledore rose an eyebrow, but chose not to comment further. He knew he was on rocky ground discussing the complexities of Snape's family politics. Time to change the subject again.
'So - we will be needing Norwegian Ridgeback blood for this,' he began carefully. 'I trust you know a reliable trader down Knockturn Alley who would be willing to order it?'
Snape snorted. 'Oh, Dumbledore, here you are blithely skipping into a discussion about dark magic. It is addictive don't you know?' he remarked mockingly. 'You'll feel like performing darker and darker rituals, and before you know it the Ministry will be after your head!'
The smirk twisted into a sneer. 'Oh, pardon me - but wasn't that your excuse for keeping me out of a certain job vacancy for so many years?'
'Have you ever thought about bottling up your vitriol and marketing it as an effective cure for persistent happiness?' returned Dumbledore wryly.
'What?!'
'In jest, Severus. In jest,' he chuckled. 'I kept you from the position because of public suspicion. It wouldn't have been wise to have you teaching that then, and you know it.'
'No indeed - better to fill it with Werewolves, madmen and barmy old hags,' was the sly reply.
Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly. 'But all will be different next year.'
'Correction: I will be all different next year,' returned Snape sourly. 'The joy of designer stubble will be mine.'
'So it may.'
Snape narrowed his eyes at the Headmaster's jovial expression. 'You do know the whole process will be rather painful?'
'Yes, Severus. But as your students have long been aware you have a rather positive attitude toward pain and suffering.'
Snape sneered. 'Ever the comedian.'
'But before you do anything, I must ask you to check back at Privet Drive. I fear we might have moved Harry a little too swiftly.'
'On the contrary, I'm sure he'll have not suspected a thing,' was the smirked reply. 'I added a section of dream to the end of it all. He will wake up, check the talisman, it will point to a dream, and return to sleep. End of matter.'
Dumbledore frowned. 'And this dream fragment you used. It was from a recurring dream of yours, was it not?'
'Yes.'
'Ah. Poor Harry. What frightful dreams you have Severus. Me with those awful glowing red eyes, is this your subconscious telling you not to trust me?'
Snape muttered something incomprehensible.
'I suppose it is only your nature. I do not blame you my boy. But Harry is pretty sharp,' continued Dumbledore. 'What if he has asked the talisman about you?'
The younger wizard snorted. 'And why would he do that? The icy looks Potter gives me are only a step down from the Dark Lord's now.' He laughed dryly. 'If I am not on Potter's most wanted list after last year, I shall be most surprised.'
Dumbledore rose an amused eyebrow. 'Oh, really? Then I suppose you will have to endure being 'most surprised' for the second time in two hours.' He pointed a long and bony finger to a small contraption on his desk. 'This little fellow is showing me that Harry has actually consulted the talisman twice this night.'
Snape scowled in surprise.
'And that little contraption here,' he pointed to another flimsy wire object, 'shows that the Privet Drive sentry is currently in the Dursley's property, which is a direct disregard of my orders. So you see, all these, 'nasty little gew-gaws' as you term them do actually have their uses.'
'Fine, fine!' snapped Snape, rising from his chair. 'Where's that damned Portkey!'
'Oh, and one more thing Severus,' warned Dumbledore as he opened the draw containing the magic hairbrush. 'Take Harry with you as you go to collect the samples tomorrow. He needs to know the whole truth. Let him have all the time he needs to understand everything. It's a shock enough. But it is important that he understands that his father is alive, but that he may never get well.'
Snape's face darkened. 'I'm not taking that brat anywhere!'
'Oh yes you are Severus.'
'I object!'
'You object do you?' was the Headmaster's dangerously cool reply.
*****************
Harry licked his lips as he quietly opened the front door. He knew that Dudley kept a small amount of stuff in a small bag wedged up in the eaves of the porch. He took a flower pot and stood on it to reach it.
Closing the door gently he swayed back into the dining room for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night. He took a fresh glass out of the top of the cabinet and swirled the bottle of whiskey. There was only an inch left.
Had he really had that much?
Oh well.
Unscrewing the lid he tipped the whole bottle back and began to drink it as if it were lemonade.
He barely got to swallow a gulp of it though before the bottle was suddenly rudely snatched out of his hand.
'HEY!' Harry snarled whipping round to find himself staring into the irate eyes of his Potions Master.
His eyes widened for a moment before he smirked. 'Very funny. Ha, ha - the Prince of Slipperyness himself. Very good work,' he crowed before poking Snape in the stomach with a finger. 'You slimy, slimy bastard you. He hee.'
Snape looked positively murderous. 'You're disgustingly drunk, Potter. I will be informing your Head of House about your out of term behaviour!' he barked, baring his teeth.
'Oh ho!' crowed Harry, the giggles beginning to take him over. He collapsed into the sofa - she was too good! 'Stop it Tonks! Stop it! You are too funny! Wheeoh! I think - I'm going - to - split - my sides inna - minute! Prince of Slipper-'
'Potter!'
'Ha ha ha! Ha! Oh please - stop pissing about!'
'POT-'
'Oh, so Harry DID see you!' came an exclamation from the dining room doorway. 'What are you doing here?'
Harry clutched his side. He had a stitch. 'Tonks! That was great!' he wheezed. 'Oh Merlin, you'll have to teach me how to do that!'
'Do what?' was the confused reply.
'Do Snape so -' Harry stopped and opened his eyes. Standing over him was a very concerned looking Tonks, AND a very enraged Professor clutching a nearly empty bottle of whiskey.
And Dudley's packet of cannabis.
'Ah - shit.'
********************************* A/N: Sorry about the wait for this chapter - so I've written a longer one!
A couple of weird mythical creatures that were mentioned. ;-)
RAKSHASA - humanoid tiger-demon from Hindu mythology. Evil, powerful creatures that delight in spreading fear, confusion, chaos, and destruction among human families and communities.
SHEDU - This beast is from Assyrian-Babylonian mythology. It has a human's head, the body of a bull and wings. It guards temples and palaces.