Summary: Aoshi and Misao are happily married? That should've been the case, but Misao realizes that she was just deluded by that fantasy. Oh, they were married all right, but not happily. What happened? That's what she is going to figure out. A/M.

* reminder: this chapter is done in Aoshi's point of view!

Happily Ever After? Hardly.

By Tesuka- chan

Chapter 6

Confessions of a Prince

I stared long and hard at the crystal green liquid.

I could see my reflection on it. I looked the same as before – long bangs covering a part of my face, my ice blue eyes, my stoic expression. It was my mask, my haven. Behind it, turmoil ensues. Behind it, feelings exist.

Contrary to what most think, I do have feelings. I actually spent my whole lifetime thinking about them, brooding about what they mean. That was my problem, I guess. I think too much, even about the most trivial things. Now look where it brought me now.

I felt my grip tighten around the tea cup.

I took a sip. It was cold now. This happens often enough… thinking until the tea gets cold. It happens all the time. Happens every time. Especially after she left.

I looked outside. The sky was still dark even though it's actually early morning. It was probably cold, but I wouldn't really know. It might be because of the European suit that I'm still wearing from the party, but I know it's more than that. I've become numb, more numb than the usual if anyone will believe it. Why?

I let her go again.

She was right there, in my arms, and I was kissing her. I missed those soft lips, the small curve of her waist, the scent of her hair. I nearly went mad with longing. This… this is all mine. She is rightfully mine. And I showed her how much she belongs to me in that kiss. So much passion, so much loss of time. I told myself that we will make it all up – then I stopped thinking entirely when she responded to me.

But of course, there were complications.

She pulled away and we looked at each other. I captured her image in that moment – the flowing dress clinging to her curves, her hair made up in a simple style, and her eyes so huge and so full of sorrow as well as longing. She was so beautiful, an image of a pagan goddess of the sea. At that exact instant, I could see that she had matured these past months, physically, intellectually, and emotionally. At that exact instant, I wanted her back more than ever.

Then why didn't I chase her when she ran away again?

I faltered, I faulted. I didn't go after her because I didn't have the right to. In her eyes, I could see that she still accused me of betraying her. She was hurt beyond reason. And I was guilty of it. So I couldn't. And I didn't.

The first ray of light of the new dawn shone directly on my tea.

I felt my lips quirk up in a cynical, yet longing smile. A ray of light, a ray of hope. Just like that day I proposed to her. I still remember everything clearly as if it was yesterday…

---------------------------I'm not a perfect person---------------------------

The ray of light that seeped through the windows was blocked by another presence.

She was here at last.

It was a job, a need. I had to do this for revenge… simply killing their murderer isn't enough for me. I had to eliminate all the evil men that might have the potential of turning out to be like that horrendous man. To do that, I'll have to be a leader again as well as be secure financially. And this business deal with Okina will help me in my motives.

Right. This is just one of those business deals.

She entered the temple as cheery as usual with my daily cup of tea.

I felt something stir inside me. Guilt? Perhaps. I shouldn't have dragged her into this scheme. She's just an innocent girl. She might get caught up in this whole revenge plot and might get hurt. I frowned a little and reminded myself that this was the only way. Besides, I'll be able to protect her better if she's with me. It's for the good of all.

As I watch her perform the tea ceremony, the gravity of my decision suddenly dawned upon me. Marriage to Misao? It never really came to mind before. It's just… inconceivable. I know that the girl had some affection for me, but I didn't really encourage it. I knew that it was just a child's infatuation and that she will get over it soon enough. After all, I am too tainted for her and we would never really suit each other.

I stifled a sigh. Well, we'll have to work it out then.

She finally handed me the tea cup. Her fingers touched mine momentarily, and I somehow felt a jolt. She jumped a bit, feeling it too. Well, it was probably just some static. I shrugged it off and drank my tea.

Then I started a conversation. She was startled at first, I noticed. Then when I started hinting about marriage, a look of suspicion came across her features. She must have thought that I'm going to marry her off to another man.

Hn. Not in this lifetime.

I was surprised at my reaction. I guess… I was unnerved by the thought of Misao marrying another man. I shook those thoughts away and realized that she was about to leave. It was now or never. So I stood up, went towards her and asked, "There really is no easy way to say this but... will you marry me?"

She was looking up at me, her eyes wide and her hands gripping on her tray. I almost smiled. She looked… cute. Something inside me told me to go easy on her so I plucked off the tray from her stiff fingers and hugged her. She was so small, so soft. And her hair smelled like… green tea. Then I asked again, urging her to answer me, "will you, Misao?"

What happened next changed my life. Literally.

She smiled at me, the most dazzling smile I've ever seen. Like a ray of sunlight amidst the darkness. I was drawn to her innocence, to her brightness. I found hope for salvation in her. I now see that she was the only one who can save me. And I felt so stupid for being so blind before.

"Yes." She whispered.

Ah, the ice melted. Then I did something that even I didn't expect to do. I kissed her there and then. At the temple, in the middle of the day.

In that kiss I realized that greed comes in different forms. I had greed for the hope of life that she symbolizes, and greed for revenge. I should've realized too that the two did not go together.

But I was too greedy.

--------------------------There are many things I wish I didn't do-------------------------

The marriage occurred on her 18th birthday. It was a simple celebration, and the Battousai came along with his wife and friends. It was a joyous event but for the most part, I just went through it like a blur.

That night, however, was memorable. I had not practiced sexual intercourse for a long time for the simple reason that I didn't want to. Also, I was too preoccupied with training to be the best and of course, revenge. So, one can imagine my state that night. I was downright nervous.

But then, I soon found out that my worries were in vain. The minute I saw her in that thin yukata and her hand moving up to loosen her hair, I was lost. I suppose it was my celibacy, but I felt it was more than that, more than lust. She was so innocent, so pure… and I never thought that she would be so responsive and passionate under my ministrations. Her softness made me yearn, her moans made me mad. And when we finally became one, it was as if heaven itself was revealed to us.

Lying there beside her on the aftermath, I vowed that I will never let her go. She was mine. No one else will have her. I held her naked, petite form in my arms. I told myself that I will protect her. I will do everything to keep her safe.

A small voice asked then: but who will protect her from me?

I ignored it.

The obsession welled up inside like a small spring breaking into a river.

--------------------------But I continue learning----------------------------

Time passed and all was well. I was happy with the way things were. Misao was always doting on me, the ever bright sun to my day. Her laughter was always sweet to my ears, and her love for me melted my inhibitions. For a few months, I forgot everything about my plans for revenge. I forgot about being a leader, I forgot about Okina's business proposition. I only thing I knew was that Misao was my wife, and that she was my salvation.

And she was entirely mine.

In this span of time, I was unusually insatiable. I just couldn't get enough of her and she was only too happy to oblige. It was a miracle that she didn't conceive. Little by little, I became possessive of her. I became jealous when she spoke to the fishmonger. I had to restrain myself from killing the young politician who flirted with her in the restaurant. Soon enough, I forbade her to work in the Aoiya and she stayed at home. She even stopped training and started doing chores which I knew she abhorred. I realized that she was oblivious to what was happening… her love blinded her. But it was to my advantage and I let it be.

I realized how deep my obsession became with that incident with the messenger.

For some odd reason, Misao had been pretty busy lately, more than the usual. When asked, she just replied nonchalantly about doing some unattended chores and the like and she would go on her way. I thought little of it.

Then one day, she had told me that she would be out back to wash our clothes. I nodded calmly and she went on her way. Then I remembered that I had to ask her where she placed some important documents so I slipped out back… and found no one. The laundry wasn't even started yet.

I became suspicious.

Then I heard something move in the forest beyond our home. I quietly made my way towards it, years of spying paying off. I saw her then, moving along the path and looking cautiously behind her as if afraid that someone might be following her. I narrowed my eyes. She was probably afraid that it might be me.

That thought fueled my curiosity as well as my anger.

Why anger? I was angry at her for being so suspicious, and I was angry at myself for not trusting her. I was also angry for being afraid. After we got married, I had developed this fear… an odd fear that she might one day realize that our ten- year gap is too much. I was afraid that she wouldn't want me anymore, and that she would leave me for another man.

But I will never let that happen. She is mine, and no one else's! I will kill anyone who dares seduce my wife.

I became jealous… far too jealous.

I warily shoved those thoughts aside as I followed Misao deeper into the forest area. It couldn't happen, could it? She was as devoted to me as I am to her, although my affections are more subtle. She can never look at another man. But it kept on nagging at me, the jealousy eating me up alive inside. It grew slowly, venomously.

She stepped into a clearing.

And to my horror, the object of my fears came to life in front of me.

Another man.

There was another man.

She had a lover.

I stood stock still as I saw the handsome young boy – he's too young to be called a man in my eyes – sheepishly give my Misao a wrapped package. Then she hugged him, and I saw his pale face blush. My hands fisted. She let him go waved as he walked away. She was happy… so happy. There was a sparkle in her eyes that I previously thought was reserved for me.

Only for me.

I don't know what came over me then. There was just a great flood of emotion that gushed inside of me, and I couldn't hold it back. I went mad. I was crazy jealous. She was mine! And no idiot fresh out of puberty will steal her away from me!

I stepped out of the bushes and into the clearing. She hadn't noticed. She was too busy clutching the package against her breast, probably happily contemplating HIM. She was so near and my arm stretched out to brush her long, braided hair, her beautiful hair…

I held back and placed my arm back to my side. She betrayed me… she had a lover…

Then she suddenly turned around and bumped into me. I could see her surprised eyes as she looked up at me. Those eyes… those Jade eyes. I could see them shift into terror as I attacked her, handling her harshly. I began asking questions wildly, desperately. I knew I looked like a madman, but I didn't care a whit. Who is he? What is he doing here? Who the hell did he think he was?!

I heard sobbing.

I snapped out of my crazed state and finally heard what she was trying to say.

He was… a delivery man? He delivered her secret birthday gift to me?

The guilt hit strong and hard. I had difficulty breathing. I couldn't believe that I had hurt my Misao, that I had let my jealousy and confused emotions rule over my usually rational way of thinking.

I kissed her desperately, and that night, we ended up making love on the forest floor.

I lay awake after, staring up at the stars that dotted the velvet sky. I was confused, and I had to think. There was an aching feeling inside of me, more than jealousy, more than lust, more than anything I've ever felt before. It had no name… and I became afraid. That this feeling would drive me mad…

I looked at the beautiful nymph in my arms and realized that this madness had somehow rooted from her. My relationship with her endangers my own sanity. Much as it hurts me, I finally made a decision.

To keep my sanity… to keep her safe. Safe from me.

I kissed the top of her head and tightened my arms around her. This is the last time.

---------------------------I never meant to do those things to you--------------------------

That incident was a wake- up call.

I was becoming too obsessed with her to the point that I was hurting her and hindering her relationship with others. I knew I had to distance myself from her before it gets worse. Self- control. That is what I needed.

Good thing I had lots of it. What can I say? I had practice.

I then buried myself into my previous work, my previous goal: revenge. In order to have my complete revenge, I needed power and money. I worked to achieve those, traveling from one city to another to find connections to different businesses. I left home quite often and it helped me distance myself from her. Soon enough, I was back to my old, stoic self and I was rising up the ranks of power. I was slowly getting known.

As my ties with power strengthened, my ties with my wife slackened. It was exactly what I wanted to happen.

My title as Okashira helped me with my dealings; however, the lack of funds did not. I decided to remind Okina of his promise, of our deal. I asked him to meet me in the grave of my comrades one night to discuss the matter.

Aa. One fateful night in the woods.

I made my way there, my head full of thoughts on my growing business empire and how close I was to getting my revenge. Upon reaching the place, I silently prayed at the grave of my friends. Memories flashed quickly in my head, Beshimi playing with a baby Misao, Hannya teaching Misao the basic kenpo – I gritted my teeth. Misao, Misao, Misao.

Thinking about my comrades even made me think of Misao.

I suddenly felt another presence in the clearing. Okina finally showed up. It was about time. He started talking about Misao, the last subject that I wanted to discuss right now. It made me angry and defensive, so I spoke more harshly than I intended to. But it doesn't matter, at least that made him toss the safe key to me. He left saying, "and I've thought you've changed."

I did.

But only for the worse.

I shut down my emotions.

"Hey, nice legs… hiccup… ladyyyyy!"

The drunken voice brought me back to reality. Lady? What did he – I turned around… she was here. Misao. What was she doing here? I felt my insides churn. Seeing the look in those watery Jade eyes, I knew that she heard everything.

But she… smiled.

It was the most heart- breaking smile I've ever seen. And it stirred something inside me, that surge of emotion that I had kept in tow for almost a year now. But I couldn't back down now. My mask was in place. I couldn't let that obsession get to me, not now when my plan is in action, not now when I had to protect her from me.

One word. "Why?"

One action.

She slapped me. I hardly felt it. What I felt was the pain when she left me there. She took with her the sounds of the night, the light of the moon, the life of the forest. Alone again. And somehow, this was worse because I have finally found my salvation and now it was taken away.

What have I done?

I fell down on my knees in front of the four graves. My eyes were wide, my breath shallow. And I felt a wetness on my cheek so I raised my hand to wipe it away. It was a tear. I don't ever remember crying since I was a child, since my mother died, the only person I had ever loved –

– love?

I… love her.

That aching feeling with no name, it had made me crazy, made me mad. It was love.

But it was too late. When I returned home, she was gone along with a few of her possessions. She really left me for good. And I didn't even get to say how much I loved her.

-------------------------And so I have to say before I go---------------------------

Going after her and apologizing was my first impulse. But I hesitated and I listened to the thoughts going around my head, which (I soon found out) aren't always right.

Wait, Shinomori! If you truly love her, you should let her be, let her go. You should give her time and put her wants and needs above all others. Even if it pains you. Let her be.

Besides, you should prove yourself worthy first. Someone as pure as her doesn't deserve the current you.

I had to admit then, it made sense. And I do love her so much… and it would be selfish of me to force her to come back with me if she didn't want to. Besides, I'm not yet worthy of her. I'll have to prove myself, whether through power, fame, fortune, or all of the above. I'll also finish off what I started here and give her time to cool down.

In the meantime, first things first. Vengeance calls.

I worked harder than ever. I decided that it was best if I did not include any members of the Oniwabanshuu in this matter… I should be able to do this on my own. Misao was always in my mind, but I knew that I have to finish this business of mine before I could deem myself worthy of her again. I built my power and influence up to the point that the rich businessmen were finally groveling at my feet. I could almost taste it, the sweet revenge.

But when I bit the fruit, it was bitter.

I brought down my enemies, the ones who had the evil intention of selling this country off to the western world. The world that killed my comrades. I was more powerful and richer than ever and I was moving in for the kill. Everything was perfect and each and every one of them was falling to my trap. But I still had one more thing to establish before they completely fall into their doom: their trust.

It was actually going well, right up until that bastard Danosuke (the one I loathed the most) pointed out that it was suspicious that I did not yet have a wife. I almost snickered at that, if only they knew. Of course, I couldn't reveal that I actually have one but it was unfortunate that she ran away. It would completely sabotage any leverage I made. So I quickly made a plan.

I calmly looked at Danosuke in the eye and told him coldly that it was good that he brought that up because I was planning to prepare a party to look for a decent wife.

All of them nodded to each other in approval except Danosuke, who was still looking at me suspiciously. I nodded at him and half-smiled, mocking. I just can't wait to slit their throats. Unfortunately, slitting throats are illegal nowadays so I'll just have to bring them down in another way.

Things just get too complicated these days.

I hired an organizer to prepare for the party. It had to be in European style, of course. Just another bonus that will make those pigs squeal in delight and trust me more. As the decorators, chefs, and organizers prepared for the event, I too prepared – for the ultimate revenge.

The day of the party arrived.

I was at my best in an all- black ensemble, standing there at the top of the grand staircase, barely hidden in the shadows. For some unknown reason, I had a feeling that something is going to happen tonight. I shook it off and scanned the crowd with my cold stare and realized that I didn't even know half of the women present there. Stifling a sigh and wanting to get it over with, I took one step into the limelight.

The crowd looked up at me and became silent.

I too became silent as I looked down at them – or rather, at her. I knew it the second I set eyes on her.

It was Misao.

She was right there at the foot of the stairs, and was gazing up at me with those astonished green eyes. She looked... ravishing. She gained a little height and her dress complemented her in a way that told me that she filled out in all the right places. If it was possible, she became more beautiful.

All thoughts of revenge flew out of my head that instant.

All that need, all that obsession, and all that love burned inside me to be free. I wanted her so badly that my heart wanted to burst. Ten months, two weeks, and three days was too long a time for her to be gone. It was high time to get her back.

Our eye contact broke when I suddenly realized that there were at least a hundred women fawning upon me. It took me a while but I was able to politely decline all of them and almost ran to the nearest bathroom (some sort of bath house within a house). Not one of them interested me, especially since I've found my wife. Well, I thought cynically, seems like I did find a wife in this party after all.

I cautiously left the bathroom (I can never reason out why they place a bath house inside the actual house) and searched the room.

And there she was, standing in the middle of the dance floor. With another man.

The jealousy came again. It was no consolation that she seemed piqued at her partner. All I saw was that she was with a man, who looked much more like a boy, and vaguely familiar too. I refrained myself from marching towards them and punching the lights out of that boy. Then I saw her wrench herself out of his arms and head towards the side door. I hurried after her.

I emerged in the courtyard. There she was, walking determinedly away. I quickly went ahead of her and cut her in the front. She apparently was not looking where she was going because she bumped right into me.

I spoke out the first thing I could think of, "I'm sorry."

Then she looked at me with such hate that I wasn't aware of what I said next.

"Are you all right, miss?" Oh great. I made it look like I didn't know her. Kami-sama, I'm such an idiot. Then again… an idea sparked.

She looked confused, and ready to flee. "I-I'm okay."

"Shinomori Aoshi," I held my hand towards her, introducing myself. Silently telling her that I'm a new man, that I am reformed. That I wanted to start all over again. "I'm Shinomori Aoshi."

"I'm… Miki. Just that."

I almost smiled. An alias? Charmingly cute. "Nice to meet you then, Miki Just- that."

Then she laughed.

My heart began beating rapidly. It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard…

---------------------------That I want you to know-----------------------------

"Aoshi-sama? Aoshi- sama!"

I blinked a few times, disoriented, and stared up at the servant. I raised a questioning eyebrow.

He coughed and gave me a hand-written letter. My heart skipped a beat… could it be? I quickly opened it and read its contents. It was from Danosuke, and he was asking for a business meeting later in the afternoon. I sighed, deflated.

"Tell his messenger that I will be there," I ordered the servant, who bowed and left.

I sighed and ran my fingers over my greasy hair. All that reminiscing kept me awake. I raised the tea cup to my lips. It was empty. I put it aside and decided to have a bath. I made my way towards the bathroom when a maid came up to me and said that the new fixtures were apparently having trouble adjusting to Japan… and it had to be fixed.

Great. Just great.

I can't take a bath, I had no tea, and I let the only woman I ever loved ran away again. Really great.

Sensing my distress, the kind woman suggested a public bath house. I nodded and went to fetch my things.

What other surprises will this morning bring, I wonder?

--------I've found a reason to show--A side of me you didn't know--A reason for all that I do--And the reason is YOU---------

Author's notes: Oh there will be more, Aoshi… there will definitely be more! *cackles evilly* Ahem… anyway, my chapters are getting long. Hm. Sorry, minna-san! It took me a long time to release this one because frankly, it's much more difficult to write in Aoshi's POV. :p I apologize if this seemed redundant but I wanted you to know how it was like for Aoshi. And his motives were revealed here too, ne? Hardyharhar! :D (Darn, I hope I didn't botched this one up. :p)

Well, again, thanks for the wonderful, fantabulous reviews! Really makes me happy!!! :D I regret to announce, though, that this will come to an end soon. :( But that is only because I shall continue writing M:F! Hehehe… had to take this load off. Thanks again and please read and review! ^_^