Blah I don't think this chapter will turn out like I want it to its all going to suck I think the first chapter was good but this one will suck eggs?maybe I dunno let me know. (noowningofinuyashaupinhere) lol
Now im sure this song in this chapter is Dream Theater and I love them their good! SUPPORT!! Lol P
Sesshomaru kept his gaze on her his body stiff what were these feelings, he hated them so.
Wounds So Deep
Hitomi was awake as soon as the sun had shone through the trees, she stood and stretched. She turned and looked over at Sesshomaru and Rin still cuddled together, she smiled. What should I do? She thought, for food. Just then Sesshomaru had opened his eyes and glanced at Hitomi, "What are you doing?" he questioned, "Just?stretching."
Sesshomaru looked down at Rin, "Lets go Rin" he said and she shot up "Yes Lord Sesshomaru!" and she stood by his side. "Hitomi" he said "lets go". Her eyes seemed to have brightened as she went and stood at Rins side taking her hand.
This was so different she hadn't been beaten yet, it seemed wrong, yet was nice, she'd been stuck in that hell for so long she didn't know what was right any more. But now she felt things would be different.
Days had passed then months then years, and Hitomi began to grow accustomed to the way things were use to Sesshomaru leaving in the night, his stare, the way he was and how he seemed to keep all his feelings to himself. Yet her nightmares still continued, she lay in the futon she'd been given to share a room with Rin in the small yet suitable house Sesshomaru had gotten for them. She stared up into nothingness, Sesshomaru had gone and Checked up on the Panther Tribe to see if they'd decide to betray him after he had just Saved them from Death, so she stared up, searching for something, the way he made her feel, the way he looked at her made her feel special.
Cold
Lying in my bed
Staring into darkness
Lost
I hear footsteps overhead
And my thoughts return
Again
She sighed as she slowly fell asleep her nightmares like always haunting, worse when Sesshomaru wasn't there for her to feel protected.
She woke up sweating, and she thought of him to try and calm herself, but not working something was missing, she had forgotten to tell Rin to take her daily bath so the child had gone all day with out one, she'd screwed up for the first time since she'd been with them, what would be done to her she hadn't thought of what would happen if she'd screwed up just of the daily things, she decided she would punish herself to make this right to prove to him that she knew she'd done wrong. So she stood up and searched through the darkness for some sharp object then she found it, the short sword he'd bought for her incase someone or something attacked her and Rin while he was away.
She unsheathed it and put the blade to her upper arm she shivered to its cold touch, then she sighed as she felt it's sharpness penetrate her pale skin smiled with relief as the warm crimson flowed down her arm, she quickly tied a piece of cloth over and wiped the blade off putting it back in its sheath and she went to sleep dreamless.
I'm so far away
And so alone
I need to see your face
To keep me sane
To make we whole
He returned late that morning and Hitomi had woken up to Rin's happy laughter. She jumped up smiling forgetting she had cut herself late last night. She ran out there to them and stood quietly in front of Sesshomaru, then she spoke up, "My Lord?Did you find out if the Pan?" "Hitomi, what happened why is your arm covered in blood? Were you two attacked?" Sesshomaru questioned in his stern yet gentle voice. Hitomi gasped she'd forgotten about what she'd done to herself, " No" she shook her head " no I was practicing with the short sword you'd given me and I accidentally cut myself" she turned her eyes away from him to stare at the ground, she lied to him she'd never done that and she felt as if she'd betrayed him. He stared at her and then turned away.
Try to stay alive
Until I hear your voice
I'm gonna lose my mind
Someone tell me why
I chose this life
This superficial lie
Constant compromise
Endless sacrifice
Later on through the day Hitomi and Rin had laughed together as they splashed water at each other accidentally getting Sesshomaru and Jaken. Sesshomaru sighed and jumped into a tree. He kept his eyes on Hitomis still fresh wound.
June rolled around and Sesshomaru and His "pack" had been roaming and then were stopped as the female demon kagura landed in front of them. "Sesshomaru" she said "nice to see you again" Sesshomaru nodded that being his response. "your half-breed brother has managed to Find Narkus new Castle are you going to do as I requested a while back?" Sesshomaru nodded and followed Kagura as she showed him to Narakus castle, Rin, Hitomi, and jaken following close behind. A few hours later they had made it to Narakus new castle. "Inuyasha" Sesshomaru said and Hitomi and the others went and stood near Kagome and Shippo. Kagome looked over at Hitomi and at her arms she paused, she smiled brightly then spoke "hi, im Kagome" "Hitomi." the two got to talking as Inuyasha and Sesshomaru fought their battle. Kagome asked Hitomi had gotten all her scars and her new wounds and Hitomi she didn't know why but she just told her everything. Then as Inuyasha came over to kagome and the others they began to talk and Hitomi had stood at Sesshomarus side with Rin behind her protecting her from anything. Then the two brothers went into their battle again inuyasha seemed to have his eyes set on Hitomi then he turned gaze back to Sesshomaru he smirked. And Sesshomaru had said some Remark that the others could not hear then Inuyasha had come back with something just as powerful, he yelled " At least Kagome doesn't cut herself, and knows I actually care about her!!" Sesshomaru didn't seem to care he just came at inuyasha like he usually did he attacked Inuyasha and Pinned him to the ground, glaring at him he stood up and grabbed Hitomi by the wrist dragging her with him making sure jaken and Rin followed. Rin had gotten a worried look on her face but she knew he would not harm Hitomi and jaken seemed pleased he wanted Lord Sesshomaru to hurt someone other then himself for once. Sesshomaru said nothing just dragged them all back to where they stayed he ignored Kaguras pleas and she backed away knowing he wouldn't stand for it especially not now. He had made Rin go to bed and Jaken keep watch over her, he did so regretfully as she jumped about and hit him once in awhile until Sesshomaru had demanded she lay down and sleep. He then pulled Hitomi behind a tree and stared at her intently, "Is it true? Have you been cutting yourself?" Hitomi looked at the ground then back up at him, "I'm tired" she said " Can I please go sleep?" her voice was quiet and his was stern and harsh "Fine" he growled and walked away from her. She stood there staring at the back of his head, he didn't understand and would never understand. She sighed and went into the house laying down on the futon and sleeping.
More days passed afterwards that would turn into months and he noticed new wounds still bleeding sometimes, once in awhile he would shove it off thinking she'd just been terribly bad with practicing the short sword, he'd thought about buying her another but if she was this bad with just the one he would wait until she'd gotten better.
Another day and again he would have to check on his allies, he was afraid to leave them alone what his brother had said drilled into his mind but Hitomi would not lie to him that much he knew. He didn't know what he'd do he dwelled on it , until he heard a noise inside the small house he'd gotten for Rin and Htomi, he jumped down from the tree he was resting in and peaked in to the window and saw someone moving around then he saw the shimmer of the short sword blade then blood glisten on its tip.
His thoughts moved to Hitomi, she'd been lying to him and now he finds out the truth almost 4 months and he was just now getting the truth and not from her but from witnessing it himself, he somewhat understood what she'd gone through while she was with her old master but why would she continue to punish and hurt herself like she was doing this very moment. He watched as her eyes seem to grow vacant and gray. He then waited as she laid back down and waited until he was sure she would be sleeping.
Pain
It saddens me to know
The helplessness you feel
Your light
Shines on my soul
While a thousand candles
Burn
Sesshomaru shook his head things, would be different and he hoped she would know that, he had to leave early so he said nothing to them. He and Jaken left with out saying goodbye. Hitomi woke up no smile on her face this time she'd felt like a baka for what she had done and wanted to talk to her lord, she stepped outside looking out for him up in trees and what not but found no trace of him then she remembered that he had left and why and she knew it was important, she sighed and went back into the house. She felt worthless, like she was a waste of a life, like she made no difference in the world. She sometimes wondered how things would be if she'd died the first time Lord Hayate had beaten her badly, she always wanted to die and she always wondered how people would react if she had killed herself if she were to slit her wrists and have them wake up to her lifeless body but she could never do it she was too weak, too much of a useless human, she was below Sesshomaru and she knew it she could see it sometimes in his eyes and she wanted nothing more then to know he cared and that he wanted her to live but when Inuyasha had told him she was hurting herself , it seemed he didn't care and didn't want to help her through it, either that or he just wouldn't believe it.
Outside this barren room
The rain is pouring down
The emptiness inside
Is growing deeper still
Sesshomaru had Sat in a tree Three days after his visit with the Cat's he sat wondering how things were going with Hitomi and Rin he had to get back to them soon and he knew sitting here would get him nowhere. Yet he did not want Jaken to know he actually cared with all his demon heart for these humans that if he were to lose either of them that his world would seem to crumble slowly. He wouldn't let it be. He thought of Hitomi and what she must have been deprived of all her life. Sadness filled his heart, he now had two lonely Girls.
You're so far away
And so alone
You long for love's embrace
To keep you sane
To make you whole
She'd felt alone waiting for him to return she thought for sure he'd be back today, it had been a week and nothing, no word from him, no sight of him absolutely nothing. She'd been hurting so bad her heart felt as if it would shatter if she had to go through losing anything else, especially if it was someone close to her cracked, crushed, and aching heart. But would anyone feel the same about losing her, she'd always thought this she'd sometimes wished she couldn't care about others, that she was purely emotionless, but sometimes she just wanted to live and to be able to do anything she wanted yet she knew that in this world, in this life that was impossible, so she thought at least the attempt to seem happy would be good enough.
Moments wasted
Isolated
Time escaping
Endless sacrifice
Over the distance
We try to make sense
Of surviving together
While living apart
Sesshomaru had gotten caught up in battle with another kind of enemy another battle another couple of days away from the two. He sighed as he used his claws to slice open yet another one of the charging weaker demons, he had told them all this battle would be a waste of time. The leader ran away in horror as he watched his men get slaughtered Sesshmaru laughed, "Your ignorant fool you run from your comrades learn to live with out others fighting your battles for you" he walked away from the bloody sight and stopped when he got some where far away from it.
He'd began to think of Hitomi again.
Striving for balance
We rise to the challenge
Of staying connected
In spite of circumstance
Rin had woken Hitomi up from a nap, "Hitomi shouldn't Lord Sesshomaru be back by now?" "yes Rin but im not sure where he is so just be patient and im sure he'll come back." she answered with a smile. She'd began to realize how much had happen in this past week how much she'd have missed if she'd let herself die, a fading smile that's all she'd have, but it was good enough for her as long as she would get to see Rin grow up and hope Sesshomaru finds what he seems to be constantly looking, what it was she wasn't sure just hoped he'd find it. She was thankful for now for what she had been given and it was all thanks to Sesshomaru for saving her from that Hell Hole.
All you've forsaken
And all that you've done
So that I could live out
This undying dream
Won't be forgotten
Or taken for granted
I'll always remember
Your endless sacrifice
She knew he'd come back and that it wouldn't be long .
Moments wasted
Isolated
Time escaping
Endless sacrifice
Ok ppls that's it I had to use up the lyrics it wouldn't have felt right blah that took forever it seemed only a couple of days but it was not too much fun it was depressing heh funny I wrote that when I was sad blah!! P