Automatic

I think, I think I know it all,
but can I be sure of the things I've grown to know,
and can I say I know it all,
when rules just guide me to blindly follow
and things are automatic when you see them everyday
is it the same routine
or my fucked up dreams,
that keep me walking mindless all the way?
I think, I think I know it all
but is our beliefs just stringing us along
and was there something wrong in what I heard,
for every hour of the day?

"What are you doing?"

Sirius was kneeling close to his motorcycle, stroking it affectionately and whispering to it. "Don't you mind her," Sirius told his motorcycle. "She's a pain anyhow, and if I can help it she will never touch you."

Vala frowned. "You're so odd."

Sirius glanced at her annoyingly and asked, "You're still here?"

"Yes," she replied, scooping up a handful of mud. "But soon I'll be leaving." With an unpleasant splat Sirius' freshly waxed motorcycle was hit by the first mudball of the season.

Sirius looked thoroughly shocked, but he wouldn't let that stop him from getting revenge. He threw down the towel he had been caressing the motorcycle with and made a mudball of his own. He was successful in his aim and hit Vala in the back of the head as she made an attempt to escape. An alarmed scream emitted from her as her head jerked forward from the force of the impact. She spun on her heels to face Sirius. "Oh you're going to pay for that one!" Shaking with hysterics she sunk her hands in a mud puddle, and pulled up a large, glooping mudball. Sirius managed to duck that one, but she was quick and the next one hit him in the chest.

"Oooh, you're asking for it," he rumbled with a smirk, tackling her. Vala was thrown into the thick mud puddle with Sirius atop her.

Vala screamed again, and tried to push him off. He wouldn't budge with all her pleading, and as a last resource she rubbed mud into his hair; acting spontaneously isn't always a good thing, and this was proved true when the mud from his hair began dripping in her face. He laughed richly and rolled off of her.

You think you've won? She couldn't accept the fact, so she pounced him. This time Sirius was the one laying around in mud puddles and Vala had the advantage of being on top. Not so luckily, Remus had chosen that exact moment to remind the two about Harry's birthday party.

"You two-" Remus cut himself short; it took him a moment to regain his breath. He smiled inwardly and finished his first thought differently, "I thought I told you not to do that in the front yard."

Vala stared up at Remus, confused, then she realized her current position could be taken out of proportion. "I… it's not what it looks like, Remus." And quickly rolled off Sirius, which consequently placed her back in the mud.

"I never said it looked like anything," he said, smiling slightly. "We're leaving for James' in a little under an hour. I suggest you both shower--separately--and make yourselves look presentable."

"Aye, aye, captain!" Sirius saluted mockingly.

~+~+~+~

"Would you mind handing me that?"

"Not at all," Vala replied handing Lily the icing. Carefully, Lily squeezed the tube and thick, creamy icing oozed out onto the cooling cake. Licking her lip, she concentrated hard on keeping it smooth. Vala smiled as Lily hummed verses from Happy Birthday. "You know, there is a spell for that," Vala offered, referring to the cake.

Lily only smiled to herself and replied, "I'm Muggle born and I'll be damned if I only rely on magic."

Vala nodded and turned in her seat to watch the Brothers in the living room. She never did understand it, using the Muggle ways when the person was clearly a wizard. The same seemed to go for Remus. Neither Lily or Remus used magic if it wasn't necessary; it was almost as if they wanted to prove they could live without it. She didn't know whom they were fooling; it was obvious they avoided magic as much as they used it.

Vala watched James hold Harry as he cooed and laughed. James had a sweet laugh, and Vala could see why Lily had fallen in love with him. He was honorable and bold, romantic and charming. He was both loving and loyal, someone reliable. It was no wonder, really, how anyone could love him.

Vala could love him, but she could never fall in love with him. The man had pros and cons, and at times she only saw his faults. He would never take advantage of anyone, and he always stood up for the weak, but she didn't need that. She didn't want that. He would try to protect her, and she was a girl of little protection. She needed her freedom, and she knew James would be a cage; shielding her from harm and always saving the day. She needed the rainy days as much as the sunny ones and he would be too willing to protect her from the rain.

Remus and Lily, for that matter, were protective as well. They were like older siblings, only concerned about protecting their little sister. Or maybe they were more like parents; protecting their child from the evils of the world. It was hard for her to consider herself a sibling or a child when she had thought of herself as pet for so long. She was always the one they fussed over; the one they worried about. At times, they let her live her own life, but at other times she was locked up in a cage. She sighed, they were too close to be parents, but they were too far to be siblings. Wasn't there a happy middle?

There seemed to be an inside joke going around the circle, and Sirius slapped Peter good-naturedly on the back. Peter, however, was never equal to Sirius' strength and fell forward. Vala shook her head; what was it with this guy? She never used to pity Peter, at one point he was even her rival. She wanted everything he had; she believed she would fit better in his place. But then she realized no one could replace Peter. He was the short, helpless friend; the one everyone risked their neck for. He was always a step behind, but they'd always help him along. As worthless as Peter was, Vala loved him. Maybe love is too strong… she was… fond of him?

Peter admired them, even honored them. Saxon's old words slipped into her head, They are curious beasts of devotion, are they not? She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Perhaps that was the reason she despised Peter; he had always reminded her of Saxon's last words. Last words, she laughed silently, it's as if he's dead. But he was dead. At least, he was dead to her.

~+~+~+~

"This is delicious, Lily," James commented. He sat at the head of the table with Lily on his left. Sirius sat on Lily's left, Vala across from Sirius, and Remus on Vala's left. Peter sat at the other end of the table, across from James.

Sirius ate another spoonful with haste. Vala stared at him. He eats like a dog, she observed, devouring it all as if he's afraid it'll be taken away from him. "You're going to choke, eating like that," she warned, eating modestly.

He shoved another spoonful in his mouth, and watched her closely. As human beings often do, she gave in and returned the eye lock. He chewed slowly, and when he thought no one else was looking, he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. When Vala screamed in disgust he closed his mouth, looked down at his plate, and finished chewing. Everyone turned their attention to Sirius, but he only glanced around innocently, shrugged and continued to eat. After her revolting surprise, Vala avoided Sirius' gaze, though he waited patiently.

Sirius, she tsked, to think I thought no one was worse than Geneva. She frowned at him, but even he knew she was grinning proudly inside. He was obnoxious and he was immature, but he was Sirius. And though she'd scorn him and lecture him, everyone knew she loved him. Love, she laughed, what a funny thing it is. She honestly hated to admit it, but she loved them all. Once, she had hated them, loathed and despised them, but those days were gone. It was hard to believe it'd only been a month and a half ago. A month and a half ago she had lost her home and the only family she ever knew. It had only been a month since her last breakdown, when she had made Sirius and Remus swear they'd never leave her. Things had definitely changed, but change was good.

"Where's the birthday boy?" Remus asked cheerfully.

As if on cue bright red and gold sparks shot out from under the table. Sirius grinned and moved in a position to look under the table. "Ah, that's my boy… you just keep walking in my foot steps." He reached under the fine oak table, and picked up the giggling baby. "Such a handsome boy," Sirius commented. "Must take after me… His father certainly doesn't possess such charm."

"I'd like to know how Harry could've received your genes. After all, you're not blood related," Vevila pointed out sarcastically. "Unless, of course, there were some… unspoken relations?"

Lily was shocked, rarely had she heard Vala speak so freely. She had the impression that Vala was an observant, well-spoken woman; was she ever wrong. Sirius received a different impression, he felt egged on, and he'd never let his fans down. He slid his arm around Lily's waist and grinned. "Vala, my dear, there are always unspoken relationships."

Peter snickered, but then but it never did take much to humor him. Remus and James sat back in their seats, enjoying the after dinner entertainment. Vala rolled up her sleeves, a smirk smeared across her face.

But just as she was opening her mouth, Remus yelped then leapt to his feet. "Oh my, look at the time… I've got to go."

Vala tilted her head in confusion. "Why the rush?"

Remus grabbed his coat and hurried around the table. He kissed Harry on the forehead and smiled briefly. "Happy Birthday, Harry." He poked the giggling boy's nose and belly. He turned to Lily and kissed her on the cheek. "Delicious dinner. Sorry I couldn't stay for cake."

She smiled and replied, "We'll save you a slice, love."

Remus pulled his arms through his coat sleeves and began to speak, "James… thanks for having me-"

James stood and the two embraced like brothers. "It was my pleasure. You're welcome any time."

Slowly, Remus was making his way around the table, speaking briefly with every person he passed. Next, he patted Sirius on the back. "Would you mind taking Vala for me tonight?"

Vala stood up before Sirius could answer and wiping her mouth she replied, "Oh, he doesn't have to bother… I'll just come with you."

"No!" everyone seemed to shout at once. Vala was perplexed, and she glanced around the table. They were keeping something from her. Once again she fell into the child's place. These were her parents, and they decided what she would learn. They had the right to keep secrets from her, and she had no right to question them.

Remus nervously filled in the awkward silence. "It's probably better if you stay with Sirius tonight." He wiped his forehead again and nervously glanced out the window. Vala observed him carefully. The more the sun sank, the more jumpy he became. Perhaps it was her imagination, but he acted as if he were afraid of nightfall. She wasn't sure what the night might bring, but apparently it wasn't anything to his liking.

Sirius wiped his mouth off on the back of his hand and handed Harry to James. "I'll walk you out, Moony." Vala watched attentively as the two wizards stood up and exited the house. She desperately wanted to follow them, but she knew the others would keep her back. She sighed and turned away from the window. Wherever Remus was going, she obviously wasn't important enough to know.

"Vala, would you mind slicing the cake for me?" Lily asked, trying to change the subject.

"No, not at all."

~+~+~+~

"I'll check up on Peter."

"You don't have to do that, Sirius."

Sirius smiled and replied, "It's Harry's birthday, I'll spare James… and I don't think you'll be in much of a condition to check in on him."

"I had forgotten that," Remus flustered.

"Obviously. So where are you going tonight?"

"I…" he rung his hands nervously and glanced at the sinking sun, "You don't think she knows, do you?"

Remus was the calm wolf, someone who never interfered and let things be as they were. He never tried to change things out of his grasp, and he never showed his worries. That is, unless it was a day followed by a full moon. Nights of the full moon were Remus' personal Hell. Those were the days he became suspicious and nervous. Vala didn't know about Remus' lycanthropy, and he was always worried she might find out. After all, werewolves were freaks of society, untrustworthy and vicious. Remus was not at all untrustworthy, or vicious for that matter, but how do you explain that to a paranoid, judgmental society?

"No." Sirius shook his head. "I think she suspects we're hiding something from her, but she's unsure what." Remus exhaled a sigh of relief and Sirius repeated, "Where are you headed tonight?"

"Any more dawdling and I don't think I'll make it off Godric's Hollow."

Sirius paused to stare at him, then demanded with a hint of curiosity, "Did you just say dawdling?"