Polyamorous

The day has come to an end

The sun is over my head

My polyamorous friend got me in a mess of trouble again so

Just when you think that you're all right

I'm crawlin out from the inside

I never hurt anyone

I never listen at all

Sirius glanced at his watch. "Well, James… it's been great, but it's getting late."

Lily was heading for the stairs when Sirius stopped her. "Let me say goodnight to the birthday boy." She smiled and handed the sleeping child over. Slightly disturbed, Harry yawned and stretched his arms skyward. A twinkle lit Sirius' eyes as he bent low to kiss his godson on the forehead. "You mind your mother now." Carefully, he handed Harry back to Lily, and she slowly turned to walk up the stairs.

"I'll be up in a minute," James assured.

Vala had been staring out the window, ignoring the others for most of the night. She did, however, turn to watch Sirius say goodnight to Harry. She wasn't ready to give up her cold exterior, so she turned away; watching Harry and Sirius together always warmed her heart.

"Take care of yourself, Prongs." Sirius said.

"Don't worry about us, Padfoot."

Vala stood up and straightened her cloaks. Without a backward glance or goodbye, she left. Sirius wouldn't be long. Her steps as empty as Godric's Hollow, she looked to the sky. 'Whenever you're alone, look to the sky,' her father had said, or something to that effect. A hand closed over the old charm. A gentle sigh escaped her, Father and his stories… why do I sill hold on? Stories are, after all, only creative lies.

She felt cut off. Excluded. She wanted to know why Remus had left so abruptly, and why she couldn't go with him. The moon shined down on her, giving her clues to a riddle she couldn't solve. Things seem to be back to how they were. How devastating.

Vala continuously tried to place herself, and it bothered her that she never could anymore. For instance, she had once considered Saxon a lover, but now she wasn't sure what he was to her. And that made her wonder what she was to him. Did he still love her? Would he ever need her again? And what about Remus? Was he really a brother? He was more than a friend, but less than a dad. Did that make him a brother, then? She could never see him any different. He was the older man that took care of her, and watched after her. He could never be a simple friend or a passionate lover. She wanted neither from him, and he felt likewise. Was that why she always considered herself a pet? Was she someone to be hidden away and protected? She wasn't a child anymore.

What of Peter? James and Lily? They were like older siblings, but they were never as close to Vala as an older sibling might be. Perhaps they were. Maybe they were all like siblings. Ten years split them. And a simple decade seemed to stretch. At times it seemed so short, only months apart, but at other times it seemed to last forever. She was the only one cut off. She was the one born after they had all grown up. She was the one who could never understand how things used to be. She was never there when they had to work together, and hide together. She was never there when all the exciting adventures occurred. She was born after it all. And that was why she was cut off. That was why she never heard the secrets. That was why she could never place them. She loved and despised them. She was dependent and independent.

They were too old to be siblings, and too young to be parents. Vala stopped on that thought, and an old song slipped into her mind. "Too old to rock and roll, and too young to die…"

She sighed sharply. What of Sirius? What was he in this huge, jumbled mess? He was the hardest to place of them all. He was the most complicated one. He was far from a brother even further from a parent. He wasn't as close as a lover, and he was horribly closer than a friend. He was so close to her, but he was so far away. How could someone confuse her worse? How could she hate him so much, but love him even more? Bloody sod…

It was once said that if you were thinking about the devil that he might show up uninvited. The saying must be true because at that exact moment she felt Sirius' breath down her neck. Sirius. The mischievous devil that he was. She wanted him to be closer. She wanted the space between them to disappear. She wanted to hold him and never let go. She walked away. She wanted him to be far away. She didn't want him to touch her or be near her. She was only a child. She could never have him; this both bothered and relieved her.

"Why did he have to go?"

Sirius nodded knowingly. He had suspected she would ask. "He's a hopeless dreamer. Hours spent gazing at the stars."

In an instant she was facing him. "That's bullshit, Sirius. If you can't tell me--then fine, but don't lie to me. Don't you even consider lying to me."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I thought…"

"You thought what?" she snapped. "Did you think you were protecting me? Filling my head with lies? I would take the truth, no matter how painful, over lies any day. I've been lied to most of my life, and I refuse to take it from you. Of all people, I thought you were above that." It was sickening, but true. Parents willingly lie to their children, hoping to protect them from the truth. A parent will tell his or her child all will be fine, even when death is knocking at their door. She had accepted that long ago, but not from Sirius. She wouldn't. So tell me, Sirius, am I your friend or child? Vala hated labels and social statuses more than anything, but she needed to know her place in this hectic place; a world where you didn't know your friend from your enemy. And she had to build on that thought.

Turning away, her steps intertwining with her heavy thoughts, she said, "I'm no stranger to grief, Sirius Black, don't you forget that."

~+~+~+~

"Vala?"

She didn't bother removing her eyes from the crossword puzzle in front of her; she already knew Sirius was addressing her. Lazily, she offered her acknowledgement, "Hmm?"

"I'm leaving to check up on Peter, but I should be back shortly… Think you can manage?"

This time she did bring her eyes to his. "Why?"

In a would be casual voice, he said, "No reason. Just seeing how he is." For emphasis he shrugged.

"He was at Harry's birthday party," she pointed out suspiciously. "Why do you have to see him again?" Vala and Sirius had left the Potter's an hour or two before, and Peter an hour before them. What could have possibly happened to Peter in those three hours? She rose an eyebrow and asked, "You're not hiding something from me, are you?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, and that made Vala nervous. He's not lying to me, is he? she asked herself silently, watching his behavior closer than usual. Vala had always been an observant person, and she often caught the small hints in breaths, eyes, and body language. Sirius had always been an excellent liar, and could easily fool people. However, his close friends weren't easily fooled as they knew him too well. Vala was an exception. She had only known Sirius for a few short months, but she knew when he was lying. With a shake of her head she turned back to her puzzle. "Go on, Sirius, leave."

He stood hesitantly and began, "Vala-"

"I said leave." It'd been a long day, and she wasn't sure how much she could have taken. To end her bitter day, he sighed softly and left.

~+~+~+~

"Peter?" Sirius entered Peter's hiding place, glancing around cautiously. "Peter?" he called out again, but no answer was given. Sirius stepped inside and closed the door behind him, holding his wand close to his side. He knew Peter was a light sleeper, and he also knew Peter wouldn't ignore him; times were too dangerous to play games. Suspicion hung thickly in the air, and Sirius could smell it all too well.

Careful to move silently, Sirius searched the small four room flat; Peter was no where to be seen. Confusion splashed across his face. Something's up, but what? He rubbed his head a bit. Peter was gone, but there was no sign of a struggle; it just didn't add up. He had to consult someone on this, but Remus was out of the question and he didn't want to bother Lily and James. Regardless, he left the flat, mounted his motorcycle, and started to fly towards Lily and James'. This was too serious to let go.

~+~+~+~

"My God…" was all Sirius could mutter as his eyesight fell upon the Potter's house, or what used to be their house. Death Eaters, always trying to finish the job off. He dismounted his motorcycle clumsily and spotted an unearthly sight. "Hagrid, what the bloody hell are you doing here?" Sirius' first question, What happened here, went unasked.

The half-giant's large, saddened eyes looked up at Sirius. "I… its Harry."

Sirius' eyes widened at the thought of his godson; where was he in this jumbled mess? His eyes shot back to Hagrid and he noticed a small moving bundle in his arms. "Is that-" but he said no more and ran towards the half-giant.

"Here, I'll take him…"

But Hagrid only pulled Harry closer. "I can't. Direct orders from Dumbledore."

"I'm his godfather, Hagrid." Sirius argued, squinting his eyes a bit. Why should he fight me on this?

"I'm ter take 'im to his aunts-"

"Are you joking me?" Sirius scoffed.

Hagrid paused for a moment. It seemed to be against his better judgement as well. "Dumbledore reckons it's fer the best," Hagrid replied, only daring Sirius to argue with that. After all, Dumbledore had said it and Dumbledore was always right.

"For the best?" Sirius echoed exuberantly. "They're barbarians!" Well, not quite, but not far off either.

"Now, Sirius-"

"Muggles, Hagrid, Muggles!" Not that Sirius was a segregationist or anything. "Harry's a Wizard--have you met his aunt? For his best?" Sirius repeated, a thought he couldn't quite comprehend the reasoning behind.

"I can't," Hagrid pleaded. Sirius was making his job incredibly harder. "'s not goodbye, Sirius, yeh can still see 'im…"

Sirius sighed, and took a seat on a tree stump. He wasn't getting anywhere. Suddenly, he was reminded why he was arguing with Hagrid. "What happened?" he asked weakly.

Hagrid shared the sigh, and took a seat next to him. "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named foun' them…" He dabbed at his eyes with a giant white handkerchief. He sniffled and continued, "I could only fin' Harry here."

Sirius shook his head sadly, and wiped a tear from his cheek. Sirius was not a weak man, and he certainly didn't cry. But there's a time and place for everything, and learning your best friend had just been murdered was the best time imaginable to shed a few tears.

"There, there," Hagrid comforted, offering his handkerchief.

Sirius took it and blew his nose, a most unattractive gesture, but appropriate. He folded the handkerchief and handed it back. "Would you… mind if I held Harry before you leave?" His eyes slightly pink.

Hagrid nodded, and carefully handed Harry over. The child, unaware of what had just happened, giggled at the sight of his godfather. Sirius always had been excellent with children; maybe because he had always been a child at heart. Despite the situation, he cracked a smile. Running his eyes across Harry's face, capturing every detail, he noticed a thin red mark on the boy's forehead. Examining it closer, he saw that it would heal as a scar. He knew because he had a few of his own, but this scar was nothing like anything Sirius had. This was the mark from a powerful wizard. Voldemort, he cursed. Saying the name silently had never been a crime, just be careful saying it aloud.

Leaning in, Sirius kissed Harry's forehead. "Don't worry," he whispered, "I'll come and get you." A promise he intended on keeping. With simple grace, he gave Harry to Hagrid. He rubbed his eye a bit, and stood up. "Take my motorcycle, it'll be faster."

"Sirius, I coul'nt," Hagrid protested. That motorcycle was Sirius' pride and joy. His most precious possession; Hagrid couldn't just take it from him. Why, that was like stealing candy from a baby.

"Don't worry, I won't be needing it--just, promise me you'll keep my godson safe." Sirius' largest concern was being taken away from him. Why didn't he fight more? Well, because it was Dumbledore's orders, and he had always trusted his judgement. Besides, nobody was going to take Harry away from him; he wouldn't allow that to happen, not to his best friend's child.

"I will," Hagrid assured, holding Harry close to his body and mounting the bike.

Sirius stuffed his hands into his leather jacket and calmly watched Hagrid take off. He watched Hagrid fly higher and farther until at last he was a small speck in the sky. And as natural as ever, he walked away.

He kicked at a stone. Quietly, he mumbled to himself, "You always were a rat."