My birthday was good! But I'm getting old now *sob* still not mine and on with the story!

Walk On.

So we walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. I had offended the orc's sensibilities too much for idle chit chat and was limited to such conversational gems as...

"How far is it to the Palace?" Then, "It is the Palace we're going to right?" and the immortal, "Are we there yet?" Which I will admit was desperate but I was bored. Finally after several hours of walking through what seemed like a much bigger forest than I remembered I decided that I needed to ask one question that had somehow slipped my mind.

"Errm, excuse me Mr Orc, but umm, just what is your name?"

He sniffed as he turned to face me. He sighed as though I was the biggest pain in the neck he had ever come across. Finally after what seemed like an indeterminable amount of time he answered. "Owen."

"Owen?!"

***

I sighed. My question had been answered five minutes ago and I still hadn't said anything. Finally I took the plunge.

"Owen."

"Yes?" He asked, his lack of patience with me obvious in his tone.

"Your name is Owen."

"Yes."

"Hmm. Owen the Orc."

"Well really!" He fumed, "Must you always be so species-ist?!"

***

Well, as you can guess that killed the conversation right there and then, so we continued in silence.

I frowned. The last thing I wanted was to alienate a creature that was helping me. Even if he was an orc. Okay, I know I'd had some bad run ins with orcs before but perhaps it was time to let bygones be bygones. I mean he seemed sincere. I guessed it was time to try some more of the old fangirl charm. Well, it wasn't as if I could offend him much more now was it?

"So err, Owen." I started.

He froze for a moment and then a resigned, "Yes?" came from his lips.

"Ummm, I was just wondering…"

"No, we are not there yet." He answered.

"Err, no!" I laughed awkwardly at his words, "I wasn't going to ask that…"

"No?" He questioned coolly.

"Well, no actually, I wanted to know err…" I trailed off, then inspiration struck. "Where are you from, originally I mean, y'know what part of Middle Earth do you hail from?" I asked pleased with my swift recovery.

"Well," He drawled in answer, "I was originally from Mordor, but I had to leave…"

"Really?" I asked eagerly, glad to finally get the conversation going, "Why's that then?" I tried to sound concerned.

"Well the place was getting overrun by people, more specifically by people you refer to as 'Sues'."

"Oh. Ahh."

***

Oh marvellous I thought to myself. I had inadvertently got him kicked out of his home by the 'Sues' of all people, I insult him albeit without meaning to and he's here to help me. I sighed. What else can I manage to screw up with him… No don't go there I reprimanded myself, thinking like that always makes things go wrong.

I began to think deeply. I needed the orc on my side. I frowned. Then it occurred to me. What does every creature love? Flattery! Now I just needed something to use. I narrowed my eyes and viewed the orc ahead of me. I frowned. Since when does that happen here? I inwardly screamed.

"Owen?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me Owen…" I paused," Where exactly did you get a Gucci suit that fitted an orc in Middle Earth?"

He preened. "Well, the armour look was just soooo last season."

I gloated. He was more vain than I was, a bit more of laying it on thick and he'd do anything. I smirked and began my next sentence, "So, Owen…"

He interrupted me. "We're here."

I looked up surprised by my lack of noticing the huge Palace of Mirkwood that lay in front of me. I grinned to myself.

"Screw Owen the over-emotional orc, this is where I wanna be!" I declared under my breath.

Idiot.

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oh oh oh! We're at the palace! Go us! R&R please!