Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day

Well, do you ever get the feeling

That the story's too damn real

And in the present tense

Or that everybody's on the stage

And it seems like you're the only

Person sitting in the audience

"Murphy, Kevin!"

Vala sighed and glanced at her watch. Only half way through the First Years, she dragged silently, what a tedious procedure. McGonagall stretched the scroll and read another name as the new Ravenclaw stood unsteadily to his feet. Her peers clapped heartily, but sat in a deep trance. Kevin took a seat at her table, and the next First Year was in the midst of her sorting.

She fidgeted with her fork, waiting impatiently. She wasn't hungry, but it was impolite to excuse yourself from dinner unless the majority of your class had finished eating. The Great Hall was packed with friends she had grown up with, but she wanted nothing more than to get away from them. Losing your family is a hard thing to overcome, but losing your family twice is even harder.

"Stroer, Fidele!"

Vala glanced around; had they skipped from M to S, or had she been daydreaming? She had been daydreaming. It wasn't too long before the list was finished, and the stool and hat were swiped from the hall.

Dumbledore stood proud and tall, he exclaimed a few nonsense words before taking his seat again. What a foolish man, she cursed. Once she thought Dumbledore was great. She held him in her highest respects, but her summer had changed that humble opinion significantly. Dumbledore couldn't promise her a better future than anyone else could. He couldn't wipe away her worries and fix her past. And if he couldn't do that then he was nobody special.

In an instant everyone's golden plate was full of the most scrumptious foods. Everyone's except Vala's… her plate was just as empty as it had been five minutes prier. She received some curious glances and quirking brows before she reached for a roll and began picking lightly at it. She had little if any appetite at all, and it was all caused by an incident that ended her summer. Losing her parents was hard for her, extremely hard, but she had slowly worked her way past it. She still missed them from time to time, but realized nothing could bring them back. When she lost her parents she still had a family. James, Lily, Peter, Sirius and Remus had adopted her. Within days she was theirs, and she loved them, she truly did. What had made her lose sleep and meals was when she lost her second family; the family that had understood her much more than her first. When she thought nothing worse could happen and she was finally safe, she was wrong.

Her parents' death was clear, they had rejected Voldemort and he slaughtered them. They had died proudly and faithfully; betraying no one. The Potter's death was another story. If the accusations were correct then Sirius had been the Potter's Secret-Keeper and had been in alliance with Voldemort. Sirius had turned the Potter's over, betrayed them, and when Peter tried to justify things Sirius killed him as well; taking a street full of Muggles with him. Sirius' betrayal wasn't the only thing that came out of the Potter's death. Vala had learned secrets about Remus she would never have guessed otherwise. Sometimes she wondered if Sirius had killed her parents as well, but that didn't make any sense. If Sirius was after her parents that night then Remus sure as hell wouldn't have been with him, and she knew Remus was clean.

Her second family abandoned her just as fast as it adopted her. She still belonged to Remus and he was still hers. He was the only one who hadn't left her; the only one who hadn't betrayed her; the only one who still loved her. She didn't want anyone else. She didn't want to be so tied to someone that it hurt when they left. She was afraid to love because once she loved someone they were taken away from her, and she couldn't handle that anymore.

Vala sighed. Long ago, her father used to tell her stories about princesses and princes and dragons and werewolves and gods and fairies, and she had dreams… she thought about happy endings. All her life all she ever wanted was a happy ending to her fairy tale of a life. When were things finally going to look up? Hadn't she suffered enough? When was she going to get her fairy tale ending?

She picked absent mindedly at her biscuit, calling little attention to herself. Anyone who had known her noticed a change. She wasn't the same person she was, and they all suspected why. Many people died in those days, but none of them went unnoticed. They knew she lost her parents, and they figured she was still upset about the incident. She noticed their inquiring glances, but paid them little mind. She knew what they thought, but not even they knew the truth.

Her eyes glided atop the heads of chattering students and rested gently on Saxon's face. She had seen him once during the summer, and vowed never to speak to him again. Two pale blue eyes met her contact. Her hands fidgeted and she dropped her roll, averting her eyes quickly. Saxon had changed, and now they both seemed doomed, if not for different reasons.

~+~+~+~

Vala walked wearily up the winding stairs leading to the Owlery. Her lack of an appetite was starting to take its toll on her. When you forget to eat and sleep, your mind begins to play games on you. She was hungry, but she couldn't even think about eating. She was tired, but she couldn't even think about sleeping. Was this the price she had to pay? After all, it was her fault Sirius had left. It was her fault that Sirius had killed the Potters, Peter, and twelve Muggles… all the innocent lives weighed upon her. And, by default, it was her fault that Sirius was in Azkaban. She let down more than Remus, James, Lily, and Peter… she let down herself, and that was the hardest to accept of them all. If she had only watched him more closely then she may have realized how destructive he was. If only she had seen his cruelty, his hidden wickedness before. Maybe then she could have saved him, brought him to the light before he handed the Potters over, before he betrayed his friends, before he killed Peter… Sure, The Dark Lord would still be reigning and slaughtering and damaging, but she would still have her family. She was greedy, she knew it, but she didn't care.

She ran her hand against the rough wall of the castle for balance. The higher she climbed, the wearier she became. Her head began to swirl and she fell into the wall. She passed a hand over her eyes, trying hard to push the thought away. Her frail figure quivered, but she remembered. The scene, though over a month ago, was still fresh in her mind…

"Vala! It's all right, stop this…" She felt someone holding her shoulders tightly, and shaking her.

"No, no…" Her eyes flashed open, and she found Sirius' face inches from her own. Her eyes watered and she pulled him into a hug. "It's not all right," she cried into his shoulder. "You'll leave me… both of you." Her eyes flickered to Remus. "You'll leave me just like everything else I've ever loved."

"No, that will never happen, Vala. Never," Sirius reassured.

Vala bit her lip and loosened her grip on Sirius. Remus was kneeling at her side, and she slowly reached out to him. He smiled warmly, and she pulled him closer. She held them by their necks; crying hard into Remus' shoulder. "Don't you ever leave me… Don't you ever."

That's when she broke. She crumbled to the floor, crying bitterly. The one who had held her… the one who was the first to make the promise was the first to break it. She had trusted him, even loved him. And to think she actually thought she knew him…

She almost wished someone would interrupt her, ask her why she was crying; make her stop, for embarrassment surely would've put a stop to her childish weeping. Most people would think she was mourning for the loss of her parents, which was a great loss indeed and a cause of her depression, but that wasn't the only reason.

Her crying ceased to short, jagged sobs, and then to sniffles. She wiped her eyes and nose with the sleeve of her robe, and pulled herself to her feet. That's enough, she told herself, he's gone, let him go. They were only thoughts, but the more she thought about it the more she took it to heart. She didn't need Sirius; she didn't need anyone. People were unreliable, and she couldn't depend on anyone. She was her own best friend, and only she could control her future. She was too dependent on those around her. It was her fault that she was lost. Nobody else could help her now.

It was then that she vowed she would be independent. With her new attitude towards life she ran up the remaining steps, scrawled a quick letter, and sent an owl off to Remus.

~+~+~+~

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you."

Vala blinked painfully as she heard Geneva's voice. She knew it had been a mistake to leave the common room. Her gaze lifted from her book and fell upon Geneva and Bill. Geneva took a seat next to her and Bill sat down across from them.

"How have you been, Vala?" Bill asked.

She turned her attention back to her book and answered, "I've been fine… and you?"

"Well, I've been all right."

"Good to hear," she said blandly.

Geneva began introducing Bill to a new spell she had been practicing, and Bill told about Peeves latest pranks; apparently he nailed a number of first years with stink bombs. Silently, Vala wondered why they were there. They had greeted her as if they were looking for her, but now they spoke to each other as if she wasn't even there. She wanted to believe she was still compassionate and loving, but it wasn't so. She had slowly grown cold and unemotional. Very few people were worth her time and she was dedicated to her studies.

"Weasley, spare us." An icy voice broke in.

Vala glanced up to see Saxon Malfoy. He and Vala had gotten back together. She'd dismissed the accounts of the past summer; acting as if nothing unordinary had happened. Saxon was stronger, slicker, and lovelier. All the girls in her grade hated to admit it, but he was absolutely gorgeous. He was so dark, so daring, and so incredibly sexy. He was also an incredible jerk. If anyone was colder than Vala, it was Saxon. He sensed her gaze and directed his pale blue eyes to acknowledge her. She turned away to pack up her few things, and stood up. Saxon handed her bag to one of his many followers, and together they exited the Library.

Though dating, things had changed immensely between the two. Vala never got the warm, fuzzy feeling she used to get when Saxon kissed her, and his eyes were no longer loving and caring. All his actions seemed formal and impersonal. She wasn't his friend anymore; she was something to own.

But she liked things the way they were. She wasn't in love with Saxon. This way, if anything happened to Saxon she didn't care, and if he was upset with her she simply dismissed it. And when she dated Saxon, no other man would call on her, so she never had the threat of falling in love again.

Saxon slipped an arm around Vala's waist and pulled her close. "I thought I told you to keep away from them," he snarled quietly.

Vala glared at him; she may have liked the way things were, but she still hated his demands. "I think I can take care of myself."

The arm on her waist tightened. "I will decide that." He motioned to one of his cronies, and she was directed into an empty classroom. The door, she was sure, was bard shut by two of his friends, and now she was left alone with Saxon. "Listen to me, Vevila, I've had just about enough of your snarky remarks… I have enough pressure breathing down my neck without you socializing with Mudbloods and Muggle lovers. Let alone you snapping off to me." She stood quietly by the window, ignoring everything he had to say. He was angered that she, a woman, would dare ignore him, and quickly closed in for the kill. "Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" he growled, grabbing her wrist.

Lazily, Vala glanced at him. Maybe it was worth listening to him, but she doubted it. She was tired of hearing his constant complaining, and honestly, she didn't care anymore. He still held her wrist, but she acted as if she hadn't noticed. Enraged, he lifted his hand and slapped her. Instinctively, she jerked her hand away from him and slipped across the room.

It's funny how quickly things change, she thought, and I've let myself down again.

She had promised herself she was a new person, but time had passed and she was back to where she started. She belonged to Saxon. She promised herself she would never let that happen again. She was her own person, and she didn't need anyone.

"Vala, you must understand," he began with a new, smooth voice, advancing slowly on her. His voice was like silk, wrapping itself around her, and she listened. "I only want to protect you, you know that…"

"No," she whispered faintly.

"What was that?" He asked, extending an ear as if he cared.

She slowly rose her head and glared at him. "No, I don't. You never wanted to help me… you only want to control me! But I've had enough of it, I won't take it from you anymore."

He advanced quickly and deadly. She attempted to fend him off, but he grabbed her arms and hissed like the snake he was. "I'd hate to see anything happen to that uncle of yours." She stared at him perplexed; she didn't have an uncle… "Yes, I know all about Remus Lupin. I know your secret relation." His face moved closer to hers. "And I know that he's the only person you care about. I'd hate for him to, oh I don't know… turn up dead. He is, after all, a werewolf… and everyone knows someone as dangerous as he is in league with Voldemort."

She inhaled sharply. He was playing at more than her life now, and that frightened her. For the first time in months she actually cared about what he had to say. "Say you're sorry, Vala… say you're sorry for disobeying me. Say you'll love me, and marry me… and we can forget that this ever happened." She was trapped, and his smirk grew wider because he knew it. Even if she managed to get away from him again, she would never get out of the room. And if she succeeded in that, Remus' life was still at stake. His grip tightened. "Say it, Vala."

She bowed her head in defeat. Even she, as stubborn as they come, knew she had lost. "Leave him alone… and you can have me." She knew Voldemort was in hiding if not dead, but the Ministry still didn't know who was against them, and Remus' record wasn't exactly clean. Not only was he a werewolf, but one of his best friends ended up being Voldemort's most faithful supporter. All his life he had been shunned and he, of all people, never deserved this. She pitied Remus, and now she feared for him. But… if she could take his place, relieve some of his pain… she would. And now she was finally given the chance. Her promise was broken. Her life was over before it even started… but at least Remus was safe.

"But of course… Now, that wasn't so hard was it?" He asked with the air of someone speaking to a small child. He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. "We can forget all about this now… just remember our agreement and everything will be just fine."

"Why are you doing this?" she asked.

"Because I can have anything I desire, and I want you… Besides, you know too much already, and I can't have the evidence of your death on my hands… They always say, keep your enemies closer than your friends."