Notes: This fanfic does have some shounen-ai implications in it so please take heed and don't flame me for it. The warning is right at the top of the page and in the summary.
This takes place near the end of book six of the series before Saizo and Kosuke talk to Yukimura, but it isn't necessary to read that part to understand what's going on. There are a few references to what happened in book four, too.
For those that don't have much background information Sekai Miyoshi is one of the Juyushi- Sanada's guards.
Disclaimer: Samurai Deeper Kyo is not mine so no need to sue me, okay?
Honor and Loyalty
Silence in the darkened hills of the mountains of the Kishu region was not uncommon, but it seemed almost unsettling to Saizo who stood near the summit of Kudo Mountain.
Honor and loyalty...
The two words went hand in hand, never leaving each other's side even after the years of bloodshed and terror that they brought upon Japan.
He hated those words from time to time when he was alone to think and remember, lost in his own memories, like now.
The haunting silence gave way to his more gloomy thoughts of past, present, and future arrangements. He was never one to dwell too long in this state of mind, knowing for a fact that many men before him had gone mad with grief from thinking too much, but he never could outrun his thoughts forever.
He had seen many things in his time, lives destroyed, children massacred and starved in the streets, families broken and torn apart, and good men had died before his eyes in the past, both friends and enemies.
But he lived for the battlefield, for the blood that stained his hands and for the blade that tore through flesh. He was bound to that existence the moment he first drew a sword and killed a man in a darkened alleyway.
He was a shadow, one of the Juyushi sworn to protect the Sanada family no matter what, but sometimes he wondered... looking upon the nameless faces of men, women, and children, he wondered why it was that he had never turned out like them. A farmer instead of a killer.
Saizo's sister had once asked the same question.
'Why wasn't I born a simple girl? Why can't we change our fates?'
That was of course before his sister had died on the battlefield when they were only fifteen, when Saizo's first lord had betrayed them and sent them both to their deaths. That was before he had been assigned to protect Yukimura.
Saizo absently fingered the bandana he wore around his head as a memory crept up on him.
"Saizo, let me braid your hair," his sister Sachi said tugging at his short dark hair almost painfully.
Saizo winced unconsciously pulling away from his sister. "My hairs too short to braid, sis," he replied haughtily as he sat cross-legged on the floor of the small room located near their lord's castle. He was busy sharpening his shuriken for the battle tomorrow.
"Then I'll braid some of my hair into yours," she said defiantly and taking up one of the shuriken still lying on the ground she cut through her long mahogany colored hair and began to braid it into his hair.
Saizo muttered an oath under his breath before ignoring the hands that moved to braid the lighter strands of hair to the side of his. He picked up another random shuriken and watched the candle light gleam off its edge.
"You should grow out your hair," Sachi murmured from behind him after a long pause.
"It would only get in my way and it would look like crap," he replied casually.
"You could tie it back," she tried again. "How about using that bandana that mom got you? And it would not look like crap."
"I'm not growing out my hair," he repeated a finality to his voice.
She sighed softly and tied the end of the braid making sure it stayed in place before letting go of it. "Tomorrows the big day," she murmured looking over her brothers shoulder to examine the shuriken.
"Are you up to it?" he asked.
"I won't back out and besides I...I..." she trailed off looking at the candle beside her.
"I could take your place on the front line," he offered.
"No," she replied shaking her head, "this is my way of proving myself to our lord."
She stood up and walked to the only window in the room. "You know, Saizo, our lord is still single and is searching for someone to bear his heir. I was thinking... after this battle I want to propose to him."
Sachi flinched when she felt her brothers' eyes rest on her. He watched her intently for a time before looking back at the shuriken. "A servant isn't supposed to fall in love with their lord."
"Why not?" she cried. "Can I not for once just be myself? I'm a woman before I am a Ninja. Why can't I fall in love with him?"
Saizo sighed in exasperation, unwilling to argue his point. "Do what you want."
"You wait and see. You'll fall in love yourself one of these days and then you can be the one asking me for advise," she said crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"I don't plan on ever falling in love, sis. Hell and even if I did I sure wouldn't ask you for advise," he commented smirking deviously.
"Oh you'll pay for that," she promised before walking out the door. That was the last time Saizo saw her before she died...
Saizo shook his head at the memory before shifting on his feet and looking back into the tree line. He was sure he had sensed someone nearby and sighed in relief when he saw Kosuke walking towards him.
"He plans to leave," she said simply her blue eyes studying him.
"Then we'd best be prepared for the worst," he replied calmly, frowning back out at the plains and mountains.
"Is that all? Your just going to stand here and wait for some signal?" she insisted, her voice raising in protest, but Saizo merely shook his head.
"There isn't much else we can do, you know as well as I that he won't be swayed from his destination," he murmured.
"To follow Demon Eyes Kyo to the woods of Aokigahara. You realize how dangerous that will be. Would you actually be willing to let the person you care about most go there?" Kosuke asked.
Saizo winced at the stinging words taking a few steps forward to put some distance between himself and her.
Only a select few people knew of his feelings towards Yukimura-sama. Perhaps that night before her death, his sister had cursed him to fall in love with his second lord. It would be a fitting way of getting revenge for what he had said to her.
Saizo couldn't remember exactly when it had started that he had grown attracted to his Lord. To be honest it had taken months of denial before he finally accepted that yes he was very much enchanted by Yukimura-sama to the point that some could call him infatuated.
But there were few that could resist Yukimura-sama's charm and ever smiling face. He bedded both men and women, whores and cheaters.
Sekai had even been lured in by Yukimura before, for a one night stand. Saizo had happened upon them by accident that night and had left before being discovered. It was not really his business to eavesdrop on his lord's nightly consorts and so he did not take liberties to watch.
Sekai never spoke of that night and Saizo knew that he never bedded with Yukimura again.
"Your hands are still healing."
Saizo jumped pulling himself out of the trance he had been in and looked back at Kosuke only to move his gaze to his hands where the deep cuts along his palm told of the trouble he had run into in Edo.
He tried to fist his hands, but they were sore and he only managed to curl his fingers up. He sighed in resignation letting the fist drop. They would have to heal a bit more before he'd be able to properly handle a sword.
Honor and loyalty...
Was that really the reason why he stepped between the blade and Yukimura- sama?
Saizo knew that the answer to that question should have been yes. There should have been no other reason for him to save his lord but his undying loyalty and the honor that bound him strictly to that man, but there -was- something else and that was the issue that had come up. It was the reason why he stood here, high in the mountains, thinking.
Remembering his sister's words and her fate. It all added up to the fact that he cared about Yukimura more than he should have.
"I'm a fool," he muttered thinking aloud.
He knew without even having to think twice that Yukimura-sama wasn't looking for commitment. Loyalty was all he needed and all he asked of from the Juyushi, and Saizo refused to be a whore just to get a chance to see beyond that man's mask, just to feel the pleasure of one night, touching pale skin and silky black hair.
Who would have thought that shadows were lonely creatures?
Saizo would continue on, as he always did, caring about Yukimura from afar and staring after his back as he dragged another beautiful stranger to his bedroom or to a secluded area in the forest.
He would protect Yukimura-sama always, no matter what. It was his way of showing how much he cared for the man and not even Demon Eyes Kyo would get in his way. He was a shadow and one of the Juyushi bound to die for his lord.
He could still remember his sister's fate at the hands of the man whom she had said she loved and quickly he pushed the memories back turning towards Kosuke.
"Come on," he said. "Let's see if we can at least try to talk him out of going."
"But what about..." Kosuke began, but Saizo didn't stick around to listen his feet already guiding him to his master.
"He'll leave before we get to him if we stay here," Saizo replied calmly and slowly Kosuke began to follow him through the trees, frowning at his back.