Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Itachi/Kisame

Trampoline

This was originally at the beginning of the "You Offend Me" chapter of the original Naruto Primer.  But we decided that it was way far out there in left field so we gave the chapter a new beginning and got rid of the rest of this stuff.  We thought it was just way too far out there in Candy Land and, at that point, Kisame had not been introduced in the series so that added to the retardedness of it.

Itachi and Kisame were both sitting in their secret underground lair.  Itachi was staring at the wall and Kisame was playing Solitaire.  Suddenly, Itachi let out a loud, long sigh.

"Is something the matter, Itachi?" Kisame asked, knowing Itachi had sighed like that only for attention.

"I am bored." Itachi answered.

"You're board?" Kisame asked.  "Do you want to play a two-player game?"

"No." Itachi asked.

"Do you want to beat me up?"

"No."

"How about inducing seventy-two hours of pain on me?"

"No…I don't feel like entertaining myself by watching other people suffer today.  I want to do something different."

"Like what?" Kisame asked, putting down his cards.  "There's nothing we really can do because you killed your clan and I also did some evil deed in my lifetime that I dare not even speak of."

"I know, I know." Itachi said.

Kisame looked down and thought hard for something fun Itachi could do.

"Did you ever get around to killing those two who spent all your money?" Kisame questioned.

"No…" said Itachi.  "Some other kid showed up and said that I should think up an alternate punishment."

"Alternate punishment?" Kisame said.

"Yeah." Said Itachi.  "Like mow my lawn or do my dry cleaning.  You know, slave work."

"Itachi…" said Kisame.  "You don't have a lawn.  I do your dry cleaning.  Why would you need a slave when you have me?"

"Yes…but it would be TWO slaves." Itachi pointed out.

"I'm better than any ol' TWO slaves." Kisame said.

"Kisame, please, I don't feel like discussing other people's suffering OR making other people suffer right now." Itachi sighed.

"But they spent ALL your money!" Kisame said.  "And you were saving up for that trampoline!"

"That's true…" Itachi said.  "That was rather devastating when I found that all the money was gone when I finally had enough.  You know, I was going to use that trampoline to celebrate my birthday."

"I know!" said Kisame.  "Those twelve-year-olds!  They're going around with their Kibbles and Bits!"  He picked up the receipt that just so happened to be right there on the table.  "Two hundred dollars worth of Kibbles and Bits.  Wow.  That's harsh.  That could have been your trampoline, Itachi."

Itachi was silent for a moment.  Then he shook his head.  "I could always think up an alternate punishment." He said.

"No way!" said Kisame.  "Who was this kid who said that to you?"

"Some white eyed kid." Itachi answered.  "Not as awesome as me."

"I think you should kill him for suggesting such a thing." Said Kisame.  "And also those other two kids for denying you of your trampoline."

"That WAS for my eighteenth birthday…" Itachi said.  "That is such a magical age.  Such a special age."

"They took that special and magical thing away from you." Kisame said.  "Doesn't that offend you?"

"It does…" Itachi admitted.

"I'm just sorry that I won't be there for your party…" Kisame said.

"There will be no party, Kisame." Itachi said, standing up and walking away wistfully.  "Not without a trampoline."

"Itachi…you know what you must do." Kisame said.

"I do." Said Itachi.  "I am off to do some evil bidding."

With that, Itachi donned his flowery cloak and went off to find the three he wanted to smite ever so pointlessly.