Mated Circle

10/30/'04

Chapter Three: Inner Thoughts of the Inu-gumi

Kagome knelt next to the fire pit in Kaede's hut, clutching Shippo to her tightly. She was almost afraid to look up and meet the inu-hanyou's intense golden eyes, afraid of what she would see there. Then, suddenly, her trepidation turned to indignation as she realized how dependant she had become on Inuyasha's opinions.

'I didn't make this wish to please Inuyasha,' Kagome thought indignantly. 'I made it so that I could be stronger, so I wouldn't be so much of a burden to the group, so that I wouldn't always need someone to come to my rescue.... Well, and so that I could really be Shippo's mama. I know he's been fond of me since he started traveling with us, but... I've almost been afraid to really think of him as my son. I think I was afraid of being a bad mother, of doing a bad job taking care of him. And I was being selfish- I wanted to think of myself as a schoolgirl, a young girl. Not a woman with a child to take care of. But I am Shippo's caregiver, whether it fits into my plans or not. He looks to me for comfort and reassurance, and love. And I do love him.' The young mixed-breed demoness smiled maternally, gently smoothing her hand over her child's soft red hair. 'This is only making it official.'

Shippo, meanwhile, was content to cuddle against his Kagome-mama and bask in the warmth and love he felt radiating from her. The young kitsune was very much devoted to his adopted mother, and adored her with the intensity of a child's love. He was ecstatic that she had claimed him as her own kit in youkai fashion in front of the pack, even defending her claim against any challengers. He had long wanted nothing more than that exact event to occur, and now his fondest dream seemed to be coming true.

His Kagome-mama was a youkai now, and at least part kitsune- he could tell from her scent, which carried inu and ookami youkai blood, as well as her original human scent which had always reminded the little fox of sakura blossoms and spring rains; but the fact that she was part fox meant a lot to him, especially because it was by her own choice. 'My Kagome-mama loves me,' he thought blissfully, a soft purr beginning to rumble in his chest from the dreamy pleasure of her stroking his hair and tail. That was all he needed to know.

Miroku warily eyed the temperamental hanyou in the doorway, rather nervous at the young half-demon's shocked reaction. The fact that he had been surprised enough to drop his sword was somewhat worrying to the hentai houshi, who remembered all too well the terror of the times when his friend had lost himself to his full-demon blood. He wasn't sure if emotional upset could induce the same reaction, and he had no desire to find out first hand.

Kagome, on the other hand, didn't worry him so much. She seemed content to be what she had become, even if it was vastly different from what she had been before. He didn't know her exact motivations for wishing what she had, but he felt sure it was at least in part due to her love for the white-haired hanyou, even if she did not realize it herself. He wondered what consequences to Kagome's wish they would discover in the future.

He had no doubt that there would indeed be consequences, and he only hoped they would be able to weather them and come out whole on the other side. He especially hoped that Kagome's wish would not bring her pain, for he cared deeply for the young miko from the future. She was as dear to him as if she had been his own sister, even if he never told her so, and he did not wish to see her bright, loving spirit weighed down and crushed by the hurts and cruelty of the real world.

Sango smiled outwardly but inwardly she screamed. She could not fathom why a girl as pure and good as Kagome would ever choose to taint herself with the blood of demons. Sango knew that her feelings were somewhat irrational and illogical as well. But she had grown up in the ways of the taijiya, and they were demon exterminators, and very prejudiced against the monsters they hunted. Since coming to know Inuyasha, Shippo, and certain other youkai she had met in her travels with the gang of shard-hunters, Sango had realized that she was perhaps unfairly biased against youkai; obviously, they were not all evil, greedy, blood-thirsty monsters. But still she felt that they were not as worthwhile as humans in general.

Sango knew that Kagome did not share her feelings on the subject, and so she did not speak of them with the girl from the future, knowing that her unkind words would only wound the softhearted, sometimes naive girl. Kagome was sweet and gentle, and inclined to believe the best of anyone and everyone, regardless of their race or status. And she knew that it was on Kagome's sufferance that she had been welcomed and accepted by the hanyou and the kitsune as easily as she had, even if the untrained miko herself didn't realize it. Kagome was a wonderful person, and Sango never wanted to lose her friendship or her trust. So she swore to herself that she would never let the girl know how she truly felt about her transformation into such a mongrel of youkai bloods, never tell the girl how it disgusted her.

'She's so beautiful,' was Inuyasha's first awestruck thought. He had always thought Kagome beautiful and- contrary to popular belief not because he thought she resembled Kikyo. He knew very well that Kagome was a totally different person than Kikyo, especially now, after experiencing the sting of Kikyo's betrayal and the unexpected balm of Kagome's choice to stay with him, even when he seemed to have chosen the undead miko over her. But now, seeing her, smelling her, sensing her for the first time as a youkai, struck him as solidly as if he had been punched by a fist. And it shocked the very breath from his lungs as well. For as much as he knew that a worthless, faithless hanyou like himself didn't deserve her kindness or love- if he dared to admit to himself that yes, he knew she loved him- he desired her more than nearly anything else.

Kikyo was dead. Inuyasha knew this. The shell that walked the earth wearing her face, living off the souls of dead girls, was not the same woman he had once loved. He knew that as well. And as he had accepted that the Kikyo that roamed the earth now was an abomination, a thing that did not belong among the living, so had he accepted that his love for the priestess who sealed him was equally as dead. No one else seemed to realize that he returned to Kikyo when she called him purely out of duty.

As far as Inuyasha saw it, Kikyo had died for him. For that, he owed it to her to see to it that her killer met justice- Naraku, as he had eventually discovered. He owed it to her to repay that sacrifice...and once he had sworn to her to repay that sacrifice by following her to hell. Now he longed for nothing so much as he did to be released from that vow, so that he could build a life with the girl who had so selflessly given him her heart...Kagome, who was not Kikyo. Kagome, who loved him as a hanyou, who never tried to change him, who wanted nothing more than to make him happy. Kagome, whom he loved.

And now she had chosen to become youkai like him- he could not believe it. He couldn't stop staring at her. She was utterly beautiful. Sitting there cuddling the child she seemed to have made her own, seemingly oblivious to his amazement at her. He swallowed dryly, overwhelmed. Because suddenly he could see a future where the child she cuddled had his silvery hair and dog ears, a future he had never dared to imagine before, because it seemed it was hopeless that he- a worthless, vile, disgusting half-breed- could ever have that. Suddenly he was struck by the possibility that he might just be able to.

And that possibility frightened him more than any demon ever could.