September-November 1953
I was asleep, blissfully so, when I heard the phone ringing. I checked my watch, it was 6am and I got out to the kitchen to answer it, figuring I only had to be up soon anyway, school was back in and I was in charge of getting Lily, Alice and Matt off to school.
"Hello?" I yawned sleepily. "You've got Annabelle here."
"Did I wake you?" The woman's voice was sort of familiar.
"Sort of, but never mind, I've got to get up soon. Who is this?"
"Peggy Honnicut. I'm sorry for ringing so early, I forgot to allow for the time changes, but I needed to call you."
"Oh, I take it BJ told you then?"
"Yeah, he did."
"Oh, look I'm really sorry." I began hesitantly.
"Don't worry, it could happen to anyone, I guess it was a matter of time before you two fell off the wagon, when you consider how close you are. Actually surprised it took you that long."
"Thanks for understanding."
"BJ told me, I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. But congratulations on the baby. And I'm still sorry for ringing so early. You sound exhausted!"
"It's alright Peggy. I wanted to know, and if you didn't ring me, I'd have rung you."
"BJ still feels guilty. I'd get him to talk, but he's out playing with Erin, I couldn't bear to part them."
"That's alright, tell him I send my love and a cuddle for Erin."
"Alright, I just thought you'd like to know I don't mind. Now I should really get some sleep."
"Thanks Peggy, goodbye."
"Bye." She hung up, and after heaving a huge sigh, I realised that I'd better let Hawkeye know. He'd want to now if something I did not only separated us, but if it affected BJ and Peg too.
I went and had a shower, while everyone was still asleep. After waking everyone, I rang Hawkeye.
"Hello? Hawkeye?"
"The one and only!"
"It's Annie, I'm sorry for ringing so early, but I thought you'd like to know that Peggy Honnicut rang me a few minutes ago."
"She did? Well are you able to let your Mum sort the kids this morning?"
"Sure why?"
"You're coming around for breakfast and then we'll go into town together."
"Oh, that . . ."
"Yeah, a little thing called divorce court." We'd arranged to go and sort it out once I'd got the kids to school.
"Sure, see you soon." I told Mum what was going on, got dressed properly and walked to Hawkeye's.
"Annie! Come on in! You're just in time for breakfast!" Hawkeye let me in enthusiastically.
"Thanks Hawkeye,"
"Sit down. Juice?" He poured me a glass of orange juice. "What happened when Peggy rang?"
"BJ told her, and it turns out that it's all okay, she understands, and she's surprised it took so long."
"Really?" Hawkeye chuckled. "I'm just thrilled that she's okay, and that they're still together. Did you talk to BJ?"
"No, he's getting to know Erin all over again." By this stage Daniel had served me a plate laden with eggs, bacon, pancakes and goodness knows what else.
"I'm so happy for him, listen, about our baby, I'm really serious about still being able to see him whenever I want." Hawkeye's eyes fixed on me steadily as I ate.
"And I'm serious, she's your baby too! Whenever you want to see her, or she wants to see you, that's fine."
"Whoa, time out here! Decide on one neutral name for the baby and call it that until he or she is born, otherwise you'll have some serious gender- identity crises!" Daniel spoke up then, and I had to laugh at that, he was right, I insistently called the baby a girl, while Hawkeye called the baby a boy.
"Okay, you like BB?" Hawkeye asked with a smile.
"BB?" I queried.
"Baby Bump!" He laughed.
"Okay, BB it is." I agreed. "Hawkeye, BB is the only string in the whole thing and it's no worry, short of living with you, there is nothing more I can do to give you equal access."
"Aren't you two going to go into Portland today? I can drive you in if you like." Daniel asked, and I paused with a forkful of eggs to my mouth.
"Well, if Hawkeye's okay with that," I said, chewing and swallowing a mouthful "You are a great cook Daniel!"
"Thanks. Hawkeye, want a ride?"
"Sure, that's great Dad, but I need to get dressed and find something of a similar calibre to Annie." I was wearing a simple outfit, very much based on my Class-A uniform, except that it was pink. He was still in his pyjamas, soft blue flannel bottoms that matched his eyes and nothing on top.
"Okay." We finished breakfast and Hawkeye left Daniel and I alone while he dressed. In that time we discussed how I was, and the health of the baby. Hawkeye returned and we headed off to Portland.
We officially filed for divorce that day and were told that and once it was processed and signed, we'd be free. We were told to expect a wait as long as Christmas, but because we had no joint possessions, no bank account, no house, and no car it would probably be shorter. I was still wearing my rings, and after some deliberation, I took them off as we left the office. Hawkeye caught the movement and took my right hand that still clasped the rings.
"I want you to wear them, here." He took off my chain and put the engagement ring and the engraved band so they hung with the Catholic cross I wore. He added his ring to the bundle, and it sat just over my heart.
"Hawkeye, are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure, now there's this great place that does ice cream just down this street where Dad was going to wait." I laughed as he took my hand to show me.
"I know Hawkeye, this is my hometown!" I laughed as he opened the door Daniel was having a coffee.
"All done?" Daniel asked as we slid into the booth.
"Yep." I sighed. Hawkeye agreed quietly.
"Are you guys sure you wanted to do that?" Daniel asked puzzled. But we both defended ourselves so hotly, he just agreed meekly with it. I think we were both just having second thoughts, and Daniel knew it, so he decided to take us out on the town for a good lunch, his treat. He'd taken the day off from work to be with us, and we were grateful for the distraction he provided.
"Annie, may I request your gorgeous presence for a second?" Daniel asked.
"Sure Daniel." He and I walked a few yards ahead of Hawkeye.
"Listen, there's nothing but doubt in Hawkeye's eyes, and you don't seem particularly happy with the situation either. I don't mean to pry, be nosey, or run my son's life, but are you sure divorcing is what you wanted?"
"Daniel, this is what we want to do. We want to do it for us after we hurt each other so much, and for BB. We can't be good parents if we're beating up on each other."
"Annie, it was a one-off, have you ever laid a hand on Hawkeye before - in anger?" Added Daniel as I opened my mouth with a smart reply.
"Not seriously no, in fact I think every nurse in the camp hit him more times than I did. I mean I've hit him as a tease, and he's whacked my butt, but ow! Hawkeye!" I turned around and thumped Hawkeye's shoulder as he came up behind, heard my words and smacked my rear. I jumped about six feet in the air.
"Like that?" Daniel queried, I gave a nod while I blushed brow to chin. "Well, if it's what you want, but the two of you just act like you're more in love than before."
"Dad! I told you, this is what we want, Annie hurt me and I hurt her, it's what we want to do." Hawkeye got pretty mad after that and stalked ahead. I was silent too. Daniel saw that he'd pushed us too far and shut up.
We went home and Daniel dropped me off at my place, before they continued on. Alice was already home.
"Annie, Annie! Mrs Gable gave me an A for my art!"
"That's my girl!" I hugged her tightly.
"Oh, Annie, there's all these letters for you," By all these she meant four.
"Radar, Trapper, Colonel Potter and Margaret!" I grabbed them and settled down to read.
Radar's letter was first, he had met a girl named Monica Hanlon, they'd married July 4, and were now expecting their first baby May next year. He was still on his Mum's farm, Edna was doing well, and he had a menagerie that ranged from a canary, right up to six Jersey cows.
Trapper had sent his letter to Daniel, but the post office had redirected it. It was a friendly note, asking how I was and asking Hawkeye and I to come visit sometime. He'd hooked up with a girl named Carlye, who had known Hawkeye in college, she was a nurse too, and from the way he wrote they were very happy.
Colonel Potter was great, semi-retirement, two point five grandchildren, and being a husband suiting him well. He was still a country doctor, and had retired from the army. He had a horse again, and he'd named her Belle, he said, after me. I was pleased, I knew that it was a great compliment.
Margaret was visiting her family, in wherever it was. Her post in Portland didn't start until October, but she'd arrive in Portland September 23, to give her time to settle in. She said her father was mad because she'd chosen a job of her own accord, but she also decided he could just deal with it!
There were letters for Hawkeye too, so I sent Alice off. That sorted, I got into a housedress and began cooking dinner and helping Chris do a jigsaw puzzle. He was going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, a fact he was taking well, becoming absorbed in jigsaws, reading, and gardening. He loved to play with Jemma and Nat, one of us would help him out of his wheel chair and onto their level, and his hands and arms were strong, he was able to play with them as though nothing was different. He was learning to use what of his legs he still had too.
"Want a hand Annie?" Chris asked, pushing away the jigsaw. I found him the basic ingredients for a salad and threw them his way.
"That's all for now, Tom is coming over and he's bringing dinner." Tom was Lily's boyfriend, and like his father was a fisherman. He often came around for dinner, bringing us a surprise that he'd caught early in the morning.
"So what did you do today?" Chris asked. I set in on icing a cake.
"Hawkeye and I went into divorce court." I replied, resisting the urge to sample the frosting.
"That's a shame, it's all settled then?"
"Yes, and please don't ask if it's what we want cause it is. And the more we look at it, the more different we are, look at how we live. I mean, I'm happy with just this, working my butt off all day, he'd want more, to go out, live you know, everything I never do" Chris was, and always had been the best listener of all my brothers and sisters.
"Annie, shh, I didn't ask. If it makes you happy then go out and do it. Just take good care of BB on the way!" For 13 weeks, I was already looking chubby, but couldn't care, I felt great.
"Thanks Chris, it's just that I've heard nothing but am I sure it's what I want to do lately. Daniel, Mum, and that damned lawyer in charge of all this. If I wasn't sure would I be doing it?"
"You wouldn't, you rarely go into things half-cocked." He smiled, his words were reassuring, but somehow I felt this was one of the rare times that I did go off half-cocked.
"No, you're right, thanks Chris." I forced a bright smile.
"That's better, now listen to me. You are going to finalise that, and keep on living, you're going to have a great time, and then, on March 20, you're going to have BB!" I could tell that Chris's smile was forced too.
"Listen Chris, it's over you're safe now, right here." I stood up went to stand next to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, while his head leaned into my stomach. He was trembling as he tried to bury his head in the front of my dress.
"Annie, you didn't see your best friend die, and all the while you were laying helpless because something was wrong with your legs. Imagine lying there in the mud, watching your friend die in the last minutes of fighting. We were so close, we'd got that far alive, and then he died just as the guns stopped." He shook and gripped me tightly.
"Chris, Jack didn't just die at a hospital because he was so badly injured. He died in front of me. I do know what it's like." Chris's convulsive trembling stopped as I started to cry. He pulled me onto his lap, what was left of it.
"Oh Annie, you do know. I'm sorry for not listening before." Chris and I sat there, crying and venting our sadness.
"Hello?" It was Tom, and Patrick. I hurriedly got off Chris's lap and wiped my eyes. I ran to let them in, Patrick embracing me at the sign of tears.
"My bairn, why have you been crying?" He pulled out his hanky out and began to wipe my cheeks while Lily met Tom and took him through to the kitchen. Patrick was very much like a father to me, second only to Colonel Potter, and cared for us like we were his own, when only Matt, Grace, and the twins were his.
"Just war Patrick, I'm okay."
"Well give me a smile you're a bonnie lass. More beautiful than Erin's Isle you are." Patrick's mother was Scottish, and his father Irish. The mixed dialects amused me and I gave a smile. "See, what did I say, you're more beautiful than the pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow." His words made me blush.
"Patrick, don't." I laughed, turning away.
"Flirting with my husband are you woman?" It was Mum, she'd returned from wherever with Grace, Nat and Jemma. I laughed and returned to the kitchen. I cooked dinner and we sat down, enjoying our time together as a family, no matter how mixed.
"Annie, phone!" I dropped my book and went into the kitchen Matt held the phone out to me. I shivered in the air, as it was heading for an early winter, and it was already cold at the beginning of October.
"Who is it?" I took the phone from him.
"Dr Daniel." He grabbed his baseball cap off the table.
"Thanks, now scoot or you'll be late for school. Hello?"
"Hi Annie, this might sound odd, but my regular nurse can't come in today, I was wondering if you could help out around here today?" Daniel asked.
"Sure Daniel, what will you want me to do?"
"Just assist Hawkeye and I whenever we need it, you'll also have to answer the phone." Hawkeye had started working in Daniel's practise about halfway through September.
"Sounds great, I'll find a uniform and be there in 10."
"Bye," I found my old uniform, surprised myself by fitting it, and walked into town. Daniel met me at the door.
"Come on in Annie, Katie called me to say that her husband's taken ill and she's can't come in till he's better. I was hoping I could have you until we got a full-time replacement." Daniel took my coat as and hung it up.
"Daniel, I'm quite okay, and in fact I'd love the work." I said as he showed me around the clinic.
"Well, in that case, you got the job Nurse Anne! I thought you wouldn't want to work because you're pregnant."
"Rubbish! I've never felt better!" I laughed, peering into Hawkeye's office.
"What're you doing here?"
"And what ever happened to 'good morning Annie, it's nice to see you'?" I mocked, then explained why I was there. Hawkeye was pleased to see that I was getting out and about a bit more.
After that, I went to work everyday. I got to know everyone in the town by name, and they got to know me. I loved the local kids and soon the walls were covered with colourful artwork drawn for Nurse Anne. The money was another bonus, but even if I weren't being paid I'd have done it because I felt so good.
It was getting into late October when as always, I turned up for work. Daniel and Hawkeye were already there.
"Hey look at this!" Hawkeye pointed as I took off my coat. I'd begun to show and BB was straining the waistline of my uniform. Since Margaret had moved into Portland I had borrowed her slightly larger ones, but they were beginning to get tight too.
"It seems so real now." I put my hand self-consciously over my belly.
"I guess I'll give you a check-up today." Daniel said, turning on his office light. "See me before lunch." Daniel gave me a thorough check-up, and declared BB and I fit and healthy. I was just getting myself neat again when the phone rang. I dashed out to answer it.
"Hello, Dr Pierce's office." It was the divorce lawyer, saying that if Hawkeye and I showed up at the office the next day we could sign the papers and get it done. I told Daniel, who gave us both the afternoon off and we arranged to show up there 2.30 the next day.
"You realise the irony here?" Hawkeye asked as we left the office the next day officially divorced.
"No, what irony?" I asked, looking up at him. He took my elbow to hurry me a little, as we ran to the bus stop.
"That it's the 24th of October." His blue eyes met mine steadily, sadly as he told me that.
"Talk about irony." I sighed as the bus pulled up. "We celebrate our first anniversary by getting a divorce." Hawkeye gave a chuckle then, and laughed, so infectious I had to laugh too.
We were silent the rest of bus ride to the hospital where we met Margaret. She was thriving in her new job, and was very glad to see us. We didn't talk long, only telling her that I was a Dawson again. After having sympathy lavished upon us, Margaret's coffee break ended and we had to go.
Daniel met us back in the Cove, and offered to drive us home. Surprisingly, we both refused him, saying we wanted to go for a walk.
"Hawkeye, where're you heading?" I asked after a few minutes, realising that Hawkeye was either going the same way I was or stalking me.
"Graveyard, thought Mum ought to know, you?"
"Ditto, I wanted to tell Jack." Jack had been sent home in a box, and buried in Crabapple Cove Cemetery. I often went to visit him, talking to him, and letting him know the latest news.
"For two people who are different, we sure are alike." Hawkeye chuckled, holding the cemetery gate for me.
"Yeah." I smiled. We parted ways then, as Jack was in a different part to where Katharine was.
We met back at the gate a little later, my eyes and nose were red, and Hawkeye's eyes looked suspiciously watery. I went to 'meet' Katharine, and for the first time ever, saw Hawkeye seriously cry, not the hysteria in Korea that we had so often fallen victim to, but real, heartbroken tears.
"Mum, this is Annabelle, your daughter-in-law, well you know what I mean. And she's having your grandchild too. I sure hope you like her. She reminds me a lot of you, but no one can replace you." I wrapped my arms around Hawkeye, feeling for the first time how he felt about his mother. He let me just hold him for several long minutes, while he cried. In time, I found that I was crying too.
"Thankyou Anne." He said at last, wiping his face. "Come on, I'll take you out to dinner, my treat."
"Hawkeye, we just . . ." I protested.
"So? Friends can still go out right?"
"Okay. But we have to go via Mum's, I need to tell her I'm going out."
"Ring her from my place, and before you start thinking about clothes, I want to see you in that peach dress of Mum's again. You looked just beautiful."
"Do friends say things like that?" I queried with a smile.
"This one does." He walked me back to his place, and let me have first run in the bathroom. I showered and dressed, letting my hair fall loose. Hawkeye was in his room when I returned, but Daniel was sitting reading the paper, he paused for a second.
"Wow," he said at last. "Do you know, except that Katharine had red-gold hair and green eyes, you look so much like her in that dress, the way you've got your hair falling around your shoulders like that?"
"No, is that why Hawkeye wanted me to wear it?"
"Aside from the fact that you just look beautiful, yes." I blushed at Daniel's compliment. In the bathroom we heard Hawkeye singing amidst splashes. Daniel had found some younger photos of Hawkeye, aged about five.
"He was so cute then. Wow! You look great!" Hawkeye'd come out from the shower, wearing blue jeans and a striped sweater. It suited his eyes, and at the careless but sincere compliment he smiled.
"Come on Anne, I'll take you to the place that does the best lobster!"
"Have fun kids." Daniel called as we left. We had a lovely night, sharing details of our lives that we'd never talked about in Korea. After dinner we went down to walk on the beach. We laughed and flirted, late into the night.
"You know Annie?" Hawkeye asked suddenly, turning me to face him.
"Of course I know me!" I teased. He merely gave me a filthy look.
"Do you know what Annie?" He spoke deliberately succinctly, emphasising every word. "Somewhere, in here I think I love you, but somewhere in here, I know I can't" He touched his chest and then his temple as he spoke.
"I know, somewhere here, I do still love you." I placed my hand on my breast. "But here tells me that . . . that we . . . just got divorced and . . . and what we're doing now feels . . . so. . . right." Hawkeye had taken me into his arms.
"Yet you know it's so wrong." He kissed me. I slipped my arms around his neck, and kissed him back.
"Precisely. It's wrong, but it feels right." The divorce was barely hours old, but we had already forgotten it. Giving into each other, we wound up on the sand.
"Mmm, sand." I wiped sand from my cheek, stretching sleepily in the cold air. I prodded the figure next to me.
"What? Where? Urgh, sand." Hawkeye spat out some sand. "What's the time?"
"Just after midnight." I replied, after a heated kiss in the sand, we had fallen asleep. I shivered in the fresh fall air. "Let's go, I for one am freezing." We went back up to the Pierce home.
"God, I have sand in everything."
"You can have a shower if you like." Hawkeye offered. "You will stay tonight won't you? Couldn't wake your sisters at this hour."
"Thanks, I might just, I'm too tired to walk back." I yawned, barely conscious of what I said. Hawkeye was a little more awake than I was, and was pulling the foldout couch into a bed for me. I went into his room while he was doing that and helped myself to a shirt of his. He was still wrestling with my bed so I went into the bathroom, ignored the light, slipped off my shoes and stockings, and unzipped my dress.
I'd just dragged my dress off, to the serenade of Hawkeye still arguing tiredly with the bed. Brushing the sand from my body in the dark bathroom, I heard the rain-like noise it made as it hit the tiles. Sleepily I left the dress, and then my bra on the floor in a pile as I heard Hawkeye's crow of success as he got the bed set up.
Looking around for my shirt, I realised I'd left it in his room, and I went back to get it, he was just getting changed too, and we both stood there, himself naked from the waist up, myself wearing nothing but panties.
"Oh god this is embarrassing. I just came to get a shirt." I pointed to where I had left it on the bed with one hand, while trying to cover myself with the other.
"Here." Hawkeye threw me the shirt and I put it on. "What is with us?" he asked as I buttoned it.
"What Hawkeye?" The shock of seeing each other almost naked had woken us up and we were capable of intelligent conversation.
"We get divorced, and then the same night, we spend half an hour or more kissing on the beach, and now we're acting like two kids, are we ever going to make up our minds if we love or hate each other?"
"Not soon enough." I replied, "I don't hate you, but I can't truly say I love you."
"And I can't say that I either love or hate you." We sat on the edge of the bed, silent for a while, thinking deeply.
"Well what in the hell do we have?" I asked at last.
"Friendship, and a better understanding of each other than anyone else probably ever will." Hawkeye said.
"True, that's what I'm happy, excuse me, happy to settle for." I gave a big yawn.
"What about intense physical attraction?" Hawkeye asked. He was right, even in Korea when we'd hit the rocks, we'd been unable to deny how good make each other feel.
"I'll take that too." I conceded with a laugh, knowing what he really meant.
"I was hoping you'd say that." He kissed me, and his body came over mine to claim me.
"Hawkeye, I don't know what hour you got in, but we have - ANNABELLE?" It was Daniel coming to wake Hawkeye, not knowing that I was there too, and walked in on us sharing a pre-breakfast cuddle.
"I'm not even going to ask, but I will remind you that you signed your divorce papers just yesterday. Breakfast's ready." Daniel left politely.
"Hawkeye, was it my imagination or was that first casual sex I've ever had?" I asked him as I dragged on his red robe, ignoring his protests that he wanted to wear it. "BJ doesn't count."
"Well, if BJ doesn't count yes it probably is why?"
"Oh, nothing." We went out to breakfast and after another day at the clinic, I returned home - to my home, with Mum, Patrick and my brothers and sisters. Mum was pleased to see me, and had rather surprising news.
"We've bought a house in Portland, we miss the city too much."
"Mum!" I gasped, otherwise lost for words.
"Alice, Matt and Chris miss the city too."
"But what about the kids' school?" They were enjoying here far more than the big city schools.
"They can keep coming here, and Patrick can keep coming here for work too." Patrick's boat was moored in the Cove, and he had his own fishing business.
"But Mum, I can't go. I'm meant to be here."
"I know, but we all miss the city so much, don't take it so hard."
"I'm staying in the Cove, I can't leave, not now that I know everyone."
"I knew you'd say that." Mum gave me a hug.
"I'll invite myself to stay at Daniel's for a while. After that I'll figure out something. Crabapple Cove's not big on apartment blocks." There was a retirement village but that was all.
"You're a good girl Annie, thanks for understanding. By the way, we move November 2."
"I'm going for a walk on the beach right about now. Don't expect me for dinner." I left the house, and hit the beach from my end of town. Walking past the lighthouse and pier, I thought about it. I knew I couldn't leave the Cove, no two ways about it. I met Hawkeye on the beach, no surprise, and he agreed that I was most welcome to stay on the foldout as long as that was where I stayed.
"I don't want just some half-hearted casual sex relationship." I explained as we walked up to the house.
"No matter how much you obviously enjoyed it?" Hawkeye teased. I smacked the back of his head.
"It's not who I am, it's all or nothing." I replied as Daniel let me in.
"I guess I'll take nothing then." Hawkeye sighed, heading to his room, probably to brood.
Needing something to do, I chased Daniel out of the kitchen and took over the place. Not that he was in a hurry to argue, and quite happily sat; alternately chatting, singing and playing 20 questions with me while I cooked dinner.
With barely a week to move, things got pretty wild at my place, and I moved into the living room at the Pierce's the next day. I was really enjoying myself to be honest; I loved looking after two men while they stubbornly insisted they could manage just fine, but secretly loved my constant babying.
My family moved back to Portland right on schedule, and once they were gone, things settled down. My clothes were divided around Daniel's house, some in his wardrobe, some in Hawkeye's, some in Katharine's things, and even some in the linen cupboard. Margaret was minding my pre-BB things, as there was no way I'd be fitting them in a hurry.
I was still working at the clinic, despite five surprisingly large months of pregnancy. I was mostly helping Daniel, Hawkeye and I deliberately staying away, to enforce the fact we really were divorced. Hawkeye'd even taken a couple of girls out dancing, mostly to force himself to realise and accept that I wasn't his.
"Annie, you're so big for five months, are you sure you didn't miscalculate?" Daniel asked.
"Well, if we did, I'd be six months with a North Korean's baby, or seven months with your son's very lucky baby who survived several falls downstairs and a few dozen army boots to the abdomen." I replied. We'd already checked for heartbeats, and found only one, ruling out twins.
"I'm not sure, well, if you have the baby in January, it's Hawkeye's, in February - god forbid - some North Korean's, but if you have the baby in March it's Hawkeye's again." We decided there was little to do but wait and see. There were many ideas and gossip about who's the baby was, that got me upset.
"Annie, don't worry, if they gossip about you, it means they've accepted you, they like you, and that you're a real member of Crabapple Cove now." Daniel laughed, as I came in from lunch, mad about something I'd heard whispered.
He was right, the town had really and truly accepted me into their hearts.
I was asleep, blissfully so, when I heard the phone ringing. I checked my watch, it was 6am and I got out to the kitchen to answer it, figuring I only had to be up soon anyway, school was back in and I was in charge of getting Lily, Alice and Matt off to school.
"Hello?" I yawned sleepily. "You've got Annabelle here."
"Did I wake you?" The woman's voice was sort of familiar.
"Sort of, but never mind, I've got to get up soon. Who is this?"
"Peggy Honnicut. I'm sorry for ringing so early, I forgot to allow for the time changes, but I needed to call you."
"Oh, I take it BJ told you then?"
"Yeah, he did."
"Oh, look I'm really sorry." I began hesitantly.
"Don't worry, it could happen to anyone, I guess it was a matter of time before you two fell off the wagon, when you consider how close you are. Actually surprised it took you that long."
"Thanks for understanding."
"BJ told me, I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. But congratulations on the baby. And I'm still sorry for ringing so early. You sound exhausted!"
"It's alright Peggy. I wanted to know, and if you didn't ring me, I'd have rung you."
"BJ still feels guilty. I'd get him to talk, but he's out playing with Erin, I couldn't bear to part them."
"That's alright, tell him I send my love and a cuddle for Erin."
"Alright, I just thought you'd like to know I don't mind. Now I should really get some sleep."
"Thanks Peggy, goodbye."
"Bye." She hung up, and after heaving a huge sigh, I realised that I'd better let Hawkeye know. He'd want to now if something I did not only separated us, but if it affected BJ and Peg too.
I went and had a shower, while everyone was still asleep. After waking everyone, I rang Hawkeye.
"Hello? Hawkeye?"
"The one and only!"
"It's Annie, I'm sorry for ringing so early, but I thought you'd like to know that Peggy Honnicut rang me a few minutes ago."
"She did? Well are you able to let your Mum sort the kids this morning?"
"Sure why?"
"You're coming around for breakfast and then we'll go into town together."
"Oh, that . . ."
"Yeah, a little thing called divorce court." We'd arranged to go and sort it out once I'd got the kids to school.
"Sure, see you soon." I told Mum what was going on, got dressed properly and walked to Hawkeye's.
"Annie! Come on in! You're just in time for breakfast!" Hawkeye let me in enthusiastically.
"Thanks Hawkeye,"
"Sit down. Juice?" He poured me a glass of orange juice. "What happened when Peggy rang?"
"BJ told her, and it turns out that it's all okay, she understands, and she's surprised it took so long."
"Really?" Hawkeye chuckled. "I'm just thrilled that she's okay, and that they're still together. Did you talk to BJ?"
"No, he's getting to know Erin all over again." By this stage Daniel had served me a plate laden with eggs, bacon, pancakes and goodness knows what else.
"I'm so happy for him, listen, about our baby, I'm really serious about still being able to see him whenever I want." Hawkeye's eyes fixed on me steadily as I ate.
"And I'm serious, she's your baby too! Whenever you want to see her, or she wants to see you, that's fine."
"Whoa, time out here! Decide on one neutral name for the baby and call it that until he or she is born, otherwise you'll have some serious gender- identity crises!" Daniel spoke up then, and I had to laugh at that, he was right, I insistently called the baby a girl, while Hawkeye called the baby a boy.
"Okay, you like BB?" Hawkeye asked with a smile.
"BB?" I queried.
"Baby Bump!" He laughed.
"Okay, BB it is." I agreed. "Hawkeye, BB is the only string in the whole thing and it's no worry, short of living with you, there is nothing more I can do to give you equal access."
"Aren't you two going to go into Portland today? I can drive you in if you like." Daniel asked, and I paused with a forkful of eggs to my mouth.
"Well, if Hawkeye's okay with that," I said, chewing and swallowing a mouthful "You are a great cook Daniel!"
"Thanks. Hawkeye, want a ride?"
"Sure, that's great Dad, but I need to get dressed and find something of a similar calibre to Annie." I was wearing a simple outfit, very much based on my Class-A uniform, except that it was pink. He was still in his pyjamas, soft blue flannel bottoms that matched his eyes and nothing on top.
"Okay." We finished breakfast and Hawkeye left Daniel and I alone while he dressed. In that time we discussed how I was, and the health of the baby. Hawkeye returned and we headed off to Portland.
We officially filed for divorce that day and were told that and once it was processed and signed, we'd be free. We were told to expect a wait as long as Christmas, but because we had no joint possessions, no bank account, no house, and no car it would probably be shorter. I was still wearing my rings, and after some deliberation, I took them off as we left the office. Hawkeye caught the movement and took my right hand that still clasped the rings.
"I want you to wear them, here." He took off my chain and put the engagement ring and the engraved band so they hung with the Catholic cross I wore. He added his ring to the bundle, and it sat just over my heart.
"Hawkeye, are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure, now there's this great place that does ice cream just down this street where Dad was going to wait." I laughed as he took my hand to show me.
"I know Hawkeye, this is my hometown!" I laughed as he opened the door Daniel was having a coffee.
"All done?" Daniel asked as we slid into the booth.
"Yep." I sighed. Hawkeye agreed quietly.
"Are you guys sure you wanted to do that?" Daniel asked puzzled. But we both defended ourselves so hotly, he just agreed meekly with it. I think we were both just having second thoughts, and Daniel knew it, so he decided to take us out on the town for a good lunch, his treat. He'd taken the day off from work to be with us, and we were grateful for the distraction he provided.
"Annie, may I request your gorgeous presence for a second?" Daniel asked.
"Sure Daniel." He and I walked a few yards ahead of Hawkeye.
"Listen, there's nothing but doubt in Hawkeye's eyes, and you don't seem particularly happy with the situation either. I don't mean to pry, be nosey, or run my son's life, but are you sure divorcing is what you wanted?"
"Daniel, this is what we want to do. We want to do it for us after we hurt each other so much, and for BB. We can't be good parents if we're beating up on each other."
"Annie, it was a one-off, have you ever laid a hand on Hawkeye before - in anger?" Added Daniel as I opened my mouth with a smart reply.
"Not seriously no, in fact I think every nurse in the camp hit him more times than I did. I mean I've hit him as a tease, and he's whacked my butt, but ow! Hawkeye!" I turned around and thumped Hawkeye's shoulder as he came up behind, heard my words and smacked my rear. I jumped about six feet in the air.
"Like that?" Daniel queried, I gave a nod while I blushed brow to chin. "Well, if it's what you want, but the two of you just act like you're more in love than before."
"Dad! I told you, this is what we want, Annie hurt me and I hurt her, it's what we want to do." Hawkeye got pretty mad after that and stalked ahead. I was silent too. Daniel saw that he'd pushed us too far and shut up.
We went home and Daniel dropped me off at my place, before they continued on. Alice was already home.
"Annie, Annie! Mrs Gable gave me an A for my art!"
"That's my girl!" I hugged her tightly.
"Oh, Annie, there's all these letters for you," By all these she meant four.
"Radar, Trapper, Colonel Potter and Margaret!" I grabbed them and settled down to read.
Radar's letter was first, he had met a girl named Monica Hanlon, they'd married July 4, and were now expecting their first baby May next year. He was still on his Mum's farm, Edna was doing well, and he had a menagerie that ranged from a canary, right up to six Jersey cows.
Trapper had sent his letter to Daniel, but the post office had redirected it. It was a friendly note, asking how I was and asking Hawkeye and I to come visit sometime. He'd hooked up with a girl named Carlye, who had known Hawkeye in college, she was a nurse too, and from the way he wrote they were very happy.
Colonel Potter was great, semi-retirement, two point five grandchildren, and being a husband suiting him well. He was still a country doctor, and had retired from the army. He had a horse again, and he'd named her Belle, he said, after me. I was pleased, I knew that it was a great compliment.
Margaret was visiting her family, in wherever it was. Her post in Portland didn't start until October, but she'd arrive in Portland September 23, to give her time to settle in. She said her father was mad because she'd chosen a job of her own accord, but she also decided he could just deal with it!
There were letters for Hawkeye too, so I sent Alice off. That sorted, I got into a housedress and began cooking dinner and helping Chris do a jigsaw puzzle. He was going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, a fact he was taking well, becoming absorbed in jigsaws, reading, and gardening. He loved to play with Jemma and Nat, one of us would help him out of his wheel chair and onto their level, and his hands and arms were strong, he was able to play with them as though nothing was different. He was learning to use what of his legs he still had too.
"Want a hand Annie?" Chris asked, pushing away the jigsaw. I found him the basic ingredients for a salad and threw them his way.
"That's all for now, Tom is coming over and he's bringing dinner." Tom was Lily's boyfriend, and like his father was a fisherman. He often came around for dinner, bringing us a surprise that he'd caught early in the morning.
"So what did you do today?" Chris asked. I set in on icing a cake.
"Hawkeye and I went into divorce court." I replied, resisting the urge to sample the frosting.
"That's a shame, it's all settled then?"
"Yes, and please don't ask if it's what we want cause it is. And the more we look at it, the more different we are, look at how we live. I mean, I'm happy with just this, working my butt off all day, he'd want more, to go out, live you know, everything I never do" Chris was, and always had been the best listener of all my brothers and sisters.
"Annie, shh, I didn't ask. If it makes you happy then go out and do it. Just take good care of BB on the way!" For 13 weeks, I was already looking chubby, but couldn't care, I felt great.
"Thanks Chris, it's just that I've heard nothing but am I sure it's what I want to do lately. Daniel, Mum, and that damned lawyer in charge of all this. If I wasn't sure would I be doing it?"
"You wouldn't, you rarely go into things half-cocked." He smiled, his words were reassuring, but somehow I felt this was one of the rare times that I did go off half-cocked.
"No, you're right, thanks Chris." I forced a bright smile.
"That's better, now listen to me. You are going to finalise that, and keep on living, you're going to have a great time, and then, on March 20, you're going to have BB!" I could tell that Chris's smile was forced too.
"Listen Chris, it's over you're safe now, right here." I stood up went to stand next to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, while his head leaned into my stomach. He was trembling as he tried to bury his head in the front of my dress.
"Annie, you didn't see your best friend die, and all the while you were laying helpless because something was wrong with your legs. Imagine lying there in the mud, watching your friend die in the last minutes of fighting. We were so close, we'd got that far alive, and then he died just as the guns stopped." He shook and gripped me tightly.
"Chris, Jack didn't just die at a hospital because he was so badly injured. He died in front of me. I do know what it's like." Chris's convulsive trembling stopped as I started to cry. He pulled me onto his lap, what was left of it.
"Oh Annie, you do know. I'm sorry for not listening before." Chris and I sat there, crying and venting our sadness.
"Hello?" It was Tom, and Patrick. I hurriedly got off Chris's lap and wiped my eyes. I ran to let them in, Patrick embracing me at the sign of tears.
"My bairn, why have you been crying?" He pulled out his hanky out and began to wipe my cheeks while Lily met Tom and took him through to the kitchen. Patrick was very much like a father to me, second only to Colonel Potter, and cared for us like we were his own, when only Matt, Grace, and the twins were his.
"Just war Patrick, I'm okay."
"Well give me a smile you're a bonnie lass. More beautiful than Erin's Isle you are." Patrick's mother was Scottish, and his father Irish. The mixed dialects amused me and I gave a smile. "See, what did I say, you're more beautiful than the pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow." His words made me blush.
"Patrick, don't." I laughed, turning away.
"Flirting with my husband are you woman?" It was Mum, she'd returned from wherever with Grace, Nat and Jemma. I laughed and returned to the kitchen. I cooked dinner and we sat down, enjoying our time together as a family, no matter how mixed.
"Annie, phone!" I dropped my book and went into the kitchen Matt held the phone out to me. I shivered in the air, as it was heading for an early winter, and it was already cold at the beginning of October.
"Who is it?" I took the phone from him.
"Dr Daniel." He grabbed his baseball cap off the table.
"Thanks, now scoot or you'll be late for school. Hello?"
"Hi Annie, this might sound odd, but my regular nurse can't come in today, I was wondering if you could help out around here today?" Daniel asked.
"Sure Daniel, what will you want me to do?"
"Just assist Hawkeye and I whenever we need it, you'll also have to answer the phone." Hawkeye had started working in Daniel's practise about halfway through September.
"Sounds great, I'll find a uniform and be there in 10."
"Bye," I found my old uniform, surprised myself by fitting it, and walked into town. Daniel met me at the door.
"Come on in Annie, Katie called me to say that her husband's taken ill and she's can't come in till he's better. I was hoping I could have you until we got a full-time replacement." Daniel took my coat as and hung it up.
"Daniel, I'm quite okay, and in fact I'd love the work." I said as he showed me around the clinic.
"Well, in that case, you got the job Nurse Anne! I thought you wouldn't want to work because you're pregnant."
"Rubbish! I've never felt better!" I laughed, peering into Hawkeye's office.
"What're you doing here?"
"And what ever happened to 'good morning Annie, it's nice to see you'?" I mocked, then explained why I was there. Hawkeye was pleased to see that I was getting out and about a bit more.
After that, I went to work everyday. I got to know everyone in the town by name, and they got to know me. I loved the local kids and soon the walls were covered with colourful artwork drawn for Nurse Anne. The money was another bonus, but even if I weren't being paid I'd have done it because I felt so good.
It was getting into late October when as always, I turned up for work. Daniel and Hawkeye were already there.
"Hey look at this!" Hawkeye pointed as I took off my coat. I'd begun to show and BB was straining the waistline of my uniform. Since Margaret had moved into Portland I had borrowed her slightly larger ones, but they were beginning to get tight too.
"It seems so real now." I put my hand self-consciously over my belly.
"I guess I'll give you a check-up today." Daniel said, turning on his office light. "See me before lunch." Daniel gave me a thorough check-up, and declared BB and I fit and healthy. I was just getting myself neat again when the phone rang. I dashed out to answer it.
"Hello, Dr Pierce's office." It was the divorce lawyer, saying that if Hawkeye and I showed up at the office the next day we could sign the papers and get it done. I told Daniel, who gave us both the afternoon off and we arranged to show up there 2.30 the next day.
"You realise the irony here?" Hawkeye asked as we left the office the next day officially divorced.
"No, what irony?" I asked, looking up at him. He took my elbow to hurry me a little, as we ran to the bus stop.
"That it's the 24th of October." His blue eyes met mine steadily, sadly as he told me that.
"Talk about irony." I sighed as the bus pulled up. "We celebrate our first anniversary by getting a divorce." Hawkeye gave a chuckle then, and laughed, so infectious I had to laugh too.
We were silent the rest of bus ride to the hospital where we met Margaret. She was thriving in her new job, and was very glad to see us. We didn't talk long, only telling her that I was a Dawson again. After having sympathy lavished upon us, Margaret's coffee break ended and we had to go.
Daniel met us back in the Cove, and offered to drive us home. Surprisingly, we both refused him, saying we wanted to go for a walk.
"Hawkeye, where're you heading?" I asked after a few minutes, realising that Hawkeye was either going the same way I was or stalking me.
"Graveyard, thought Mum ought to know, you?"
"Ditto, I wanted to tell Jack." Jack had been sent home in a box, and buried in Crabapple Cove Cemetery. I often went to visit him, talking to him, and letting him know the latest news.
"For two people who are different, we sure are alike." Hawkeye chuckled, holding the cemetery gate for me.
"Yeah." I smiled. We parted ways then, as Jack was in a different part to where Katharine was.
We met back at the gate a little later, my eyes and nose were red, and Hawkeye's eyes looked suspiciously watery. I went to 'meet' Katharine, and for the first time ever, saw Hawkeye seriously cry, not the hysteria in Korea that we had so often fallen victim to, but real, heartbroken tears.
"Mum, this is Annabelle, your daughter-in-law, well you know what I mean. And she's having your grandchild too. I sure hope you like her. She reminds me a lot of you, but no one can replace you." I wrapped my arms around Hawkeye, feeling for the first time how he felt about his mother. He let me just hold him for several long minutes, while he cried. In time, I found that I was crying too.
"Thankyou Anne." He said at last, wiping his face. "Come on, I'll take you out to dinner, my treat."
"Hawkeye, we just . . ." I protested.
"So? Friends can still go out right?"
"Okay. But we have to go via Mum's, I need to tell her I'm going out."
"Ring her from my place, and before you start thinking about clothes, I want to see you in that peach dress of Mum's again. You looked just beautiful."
"Do friends say things like that?" I queried with a smile.
"This one does." He walked me back to his place, and let me have first run in the bathroom. I showered and dressed, letting my hair fall loose. Hawkeye was in his room when I returned, but Daniel was sitting reading the paper, he paused for a second.
"Wow," he said at last. "Do you know, except that Katharine had red-gold hair and green eyes, you look so much like her in that dress, the way you've got your hair falling around your shoulders like that?"
"No, is that why Hawkeye wanted me to wear it?"
"Aside from the fact that you just look beautiful, yes." I blushed at Daniel's compliment. In the bathroom we heard Hawkeye singing amidst splashes. Daniel had found some younger photos of Hawkeye, aged about five.
"He was so cute then. Wow! You look great!" Hawkeye'd come out from the shower, wearing blue jeans and a striped sweater. It suited his eyes, and at the careless but sincere compliment he smiled.
"Come on Anne, I'll take you to the place that does the best lobster!"
"Have fun kids." Daniel called as we left. We had a lovely night, sharing details of our lives that we'd never talked about in Korea. After dinner we went down to walk on the beach. We laughed and flirted, late into the night.
"You know Annie?" Hawkeye asked suddenly, turning me to face him.
"Of course I know me!" I teased. He merely gave me a filthy look.
"Do you know what Annie?" He spoke deliberately succinctly, emphasising every word. "Somewhere, in here I think I love you, but somewhere in here, I know I can't" He touched his chest and then his temple as he spoke.
"I know, somewhere here, I do still love you." I placed my hand on my breast. "But here tells me that . . . that we . . . just got divorced and . . . and what we're doing now feels . . . so. . . right." Hawkeye had taken me into his arms.
"Yet you know it's so wrong." He kissed me. I slipped my arms around his neck, and kissed him back.
"Precisely. It's wrong, but it feels right." The divorce was barely hours old, but we had already forgotten it. Giving into each other, we wound up on the sand.
"Mmm, sand." I wiped sand from my cheek, stretching sleepily in the cold air. I prodded the figure next to me.
"What? Where? Urgh, sand." Hawkeye spat out some sand. "What's the time?"
"Just after midnight." I replied, after a heated kiss in the sand, we had fallen asleep. I shivered in the fresh fall air. "Let's go, I for one am freezing." We went back up to the Pierce home.
"God, I have sand in everything."
"You can have a shower if you like." Hawkeye offered. "You will stay tonight won't you? Couldn't wake your sisters at this hour."
"Thanks, I might just, I'm too tired to walk back." I yawned, barely conscious of what I said. Hawkeye was a little more awake than I was, and was pulling the foldout couch into a bed for me. I went into his room while he was doing that and helped myself to a shirt of his. He was still wrestling with my bed so I went into the bathroom, ignored the light, slipped off my shoes and stockings, and unzipped my dress.
I'd just dragged my dress off, to the serenade of Hawkeye still arguing tiredly with the bed. Brushing the sand from my body in the dark bathroom, I heard the rain-like noise it made as it hit the tiles. Sleepily I left the dress, and then my bra on the floor in a pile as I heard Hawkeye's crow of success as he got the bed set up.
Looking around for my shirt, I realised I'd left it in his room, and I went back to get it, he was just getting changed too, and we both stood there, himself naked from the waist up, myself wearing nothing but panties.
"Oh god this is embarrassing. I just came to get a shirt." I pointed to where I had left it on the bed with one hand, while trying to cover myself with the other.
"Here." Hawkeye threw me the shirt and I put it on. "What is with us?" he asked as I buttoned it.
"What Hawkeye?" The shock of seeing each other almost naked had woken us up and we were capable of intelligent conversation.
"We get divorced, and then the same night, we spend half an hour or more kissing on the beach, and now we're acting like two kids, are we ever going to make up our minds if we love or hate each other?"
"Not soon enough." I replied, "I don't hate you, but I can't truly say I love you."
"And I can't say that I either love or hate you." We sat on the edge of the bed, silent for a while, thinking deeply.
"Well what in the hell do we have?" I asked at last.
"Friendship, and a better understanding of each other than anyone else probably ever will." Hawkeye said.
"True, that's what I'm happy, excuse me, happy to settle for." I gave a big yawn.
"What about intense physical attraction?" Hawkeye asked. He was right, even in Korea when we'd hit the rocks, we'd been unable to deny how good make each other feel.
"I'll take that too." I conceded with a laugh, knowing what he really meant.
"I was hoping you'd say that." He kissed me, and his body came over mine to claim me.
"Hawkeye, I don't know what hour you got in, but we have - ANNABELLE?" It was Daniel coming to wake Hawkeye, not knowing that I was there too, and walked in on us sharing a pre-breakfast cuddle.
"I'm not even going to ask, but I will remind you that you signed your divorce papers just yesterday. Breakfast's ready." Daniel left politely.
"Hawkeye, was it my imagination or was that first casual sex I've ever had?" I asked him as I dragged on his red robe, ignoring his protests that he wanted to wear it. "BJ doesn't count."
"Well, if BJ doesn't count yes it probably is why?"
"Oh, nothing." We went out to breakfast and after another day at the clinic, I returned home - to my home, with Mum, Patrick and my brothers and sisters. Mum was pleased to see me, and had rather surprising news.
"We've bought a house in Portland, we miss the city too much."
"Mum!" I gasped, otherwise lost for words.
"Alice, Matt and Chris miss the city too."
"But what about the kids' school?" They were enjoying here far more than the big city schools.
"They can keep coming here, and Patrick can keep coming here for work too." Patrick's boat was moored in the Cove, and he had his own fishing business.
"But Mum, I can't go. I'm meant to be here."
"I know, but we all miss the city so much, don't take it so hard."
"I'm staying in the Cove, I can't leave, not now that I know everyone."
"I knew you'd say that." Mum gave me a hug.
"I'll invite myself to stay at Daniel's for a while. After that I'll figure out something. Crabapple Cove's not big on apartment blocks." There was a retirement village but that was all.
"You're a good girl Annie, thanks for understanding. By the way, we move November 2."
"I'm going for a walk on the beach right about now. Don't expect me for dinner." I left the house, and hit the beach from my end of town. Walking past the lighthouse and pier, I thought about it. I knew I couldn't leave the Cove, no two ways about it. I met Hawkeye on the beach, no surprise, and he agreed that I was most welcome to stay on the foldout as long as that was where I stayed.
"I don't want just some half-hearted casual sex relationship." I explained as we walked up to the house.
"No matter how much you obviously enjoyed it?" Hawkeye teased. I smacked the back of his head.
"It's not who I am, it's all or nothing." I replied as Daniel let me in.
"I guess I'll take nothing then." Hawkeye sighed, heading to his room, probably to brood.
Needing something to do, I chased Daniel out of the kitchen and took over the place. Not that he was in a hurry to argue, and quite happily sat; alternately chatting, singing and playing 20 questions with me while I cooked dinner.
With barely a week to move, things got pretty wild at my place, and I moved into the living room at the Pierce's the next day. I was really enjoying myself to be honest; I loved looking after two men while they stubbornly insisted they could manage just fine, but secretly loved my constant babying.
My family moved back to Portland right on schedule, and once they were gone, things settled down. My clothes were divided around Daniel's house, some in his wardrobe, some in Hawkeye's, some in Katharine's things, and even some in the linen cupboard. Margaret was minding my pre-BB things, as there was no way I'd be fitting them in a hurry.
I was still working at the clinic, despite five surprisingly large months of pregnancy. I was mostly helping Daniel, Hawkeye and I deliberately staying away, to enforce the fact we really were divorced. Hawkeye'd even taken a couple of girls out dancing, mostly to force himself to realise and accept that I wasn't his.
"Annie, you're so big for five months, are you sure you didn't miscalculate?" Daniel asked.
"Well, if we did, I'd be six months with a North Korean's baby, or seven months with your son's very lucky baby who survived several falls downstairs and a few dozen army boots to the abdomen." I replied. We'd already checked for heartbeats, and found only one, ruling out twins.
"I'm not sure, well, if you have the baby in January, it's Hawkeye's, in February - god forbid - some North Korean's, but if you have the baby in March it's Hawkeye's again." We decided there was little to do but wait and see. There were many ideas and gossip about who's the baby was, that got me upset.
"Annie, don't worry, if they gossip about you, it means they've accepted you, they like you, and that you're a real member of Crabapple Cove now." Daniel laughed, as I came in from lunch, mad about something I'd heard whispered.
He was right, the town had really and truly accepted me into their hearts.