Incense and Peppermints

To divide this cockeyed world in two
Throw your pride to one side, it's the least you can do
Beatniks and politics, nothing is new
A yardstick for lunatics, one point of view

CRACK

"Remus!"

He looked up curiously, his fingers lightly gracing the corner of a novel. Fae smacked him. Years of lecturing taught him not to lash back, but to sit and take it. Years of discipline and patience taught him not to yell, but to speak calmly and slowly dig his way to the source of the problem.

She smacked him again, for good measure, then began yelling. "Ooh, you're in a mess of trouble, boy!" She waved a furious finger under his nose. "Keeping secrets from Vala and bending the truth to protect her? Fool!" she shrieked. Her hands reached her hips, and she bent to meet his eyes. "You're lucky I don't turn you into the sneaky rat you are…" she stood back. "Maybe then you can be on levels with Peter, the scum eating bastard that he is."

"How did-"

"Ooh no! You're not getting a word in until I'm finished!"

Remus sat back obediently and folded his arms. "Alright," he said calmly, "I'm listening."

She began to pace. "I did it to protect you--I never knew I'd be looking out for Vala as well!"

"What are you say-"

Her pace knicked, she held up a finger. "I'm not finished."

He closed his mouth, grudgingly so.

She fell back into rhythm. "I was so confused--disgusted even--I can only imagine what Vala's going through… what a state of shock." Her hands reached her face; she set pressure to her temples. "He kissed her… he actually put his tongue into her mouth!" she shuttered. Then--"Why didn't you tell her?" she demanded in a shriek, bringing her palm in contact with Remus' cheek all in one swift movement. "Ugh," she breathed, covering her face.

"Fae, I honestly don-"

"Stop," she said, "Right there." She leaned forward, stabilizing her hands on his shoulders. "You have a brother."

"Yes, but-"

"A twin?"

"Yes…" he replied in a slow, considering manner.

She sighed, and moved back. Wearily, she stepped away, her back to him. She screamed with frustration and kicked the kitchen counter. She bent against the counter, burying her face. "He's back, Remus… He's back," she muttered.

~+~+~+~

"Milady, the Lord expects you in less than an hour."

Vala raised her head slightly from the deep bow she'd taken to write. "I'll be right with him." She lowered her head again. "I must finish this letter first… Be so good as to send for an owl, would you?"

"Of course," the servant assured, bowing out the door.

Signing the letter, she sat back and sighed. It was embarrassing but it had to be said. She was ashamed that she couldn't bear to say them in person. Oh the horror, she thought despairingly, closing her eyes and praying for strength. I love him, she thought, just not like that.

There was a knock. A servant poked in. "Your owl, milady."

She rolled the parchment and sealed it with her wand. She rose and handed the parchment to him, "Tie this off and send the owl on its way," she commanded airily. "It's addressed to my Uncle Remus. Be sure he receives it, or be sure to find your sister's head strung up as decoration in the servant's quarters," she said coolly. It was cruel, she knew, but Malfoy's never took direct hits. After all, the worst and least protected target was the heart.

His eyes grew wide and he exited rather hastily, but that was only assurance that the letter would reach Remus.

~+~+~+~

"I'm sorry," Fae apologized sincerely. She sat across from Remus with a cup of tea. She rested her forehead on her palm, squeezing her eyes shut. "I've just been so frustrated lately…" She shook her head and looked up. "I know it's no excuse," she smiled slightly, "And I feel guilty in admitting it, but--it felt good at the time." She dropped her eyes a bit, careful not to meet his if he were angry but ready to meet them if he were sympathetic.

He let a soft smile hint its way through. "Don't worry about it," he said, and the smile faded soon after. "I'd just like to know what's going on."

"Well," she sighed, "It would seem your brother's tied in it all." She paused for Remus to make an addition to the statement, when he didn't, she continued, "And there's another girl… I'm not sure the connection with her--it's all very fuzzy."

"Is she prey or predator?"

She stared for a moment, curious of his choice of words. "Predator, I think, but I could be wrong."

"Hmm…" Remus seemed to be connecting the dots in his head and Fae was too polite to interrupt.

At length, "There's no intention to hurt her… Not quite yet, but that can--" she stopped and closed her eyes. "They don't know," she said. "There's more than one," she mumbled, her eyebrows drawing closer. Remus leaned forward a bit. "There's two families involved. Yours and…" she opened her eyes. "Yours and Saxons."

An owl flew through the open window and perched itself in front of Remus.

"And that," said Fae, "Would be a note from your lovely niece Vala."

~+~+~+~

"Another sundown… another dinner and another night staring at the ceiling. Oh, what life has become--bloody sleeves," Vala cursed, tying the gaps together along the sleeves. The posh get the beautiful and complicated dress robes, she thought spitefully, I'd take tattered robes any day.

She slid into a pair of dainty heels; by any other circumstances, they shouldn't have been able to hold her weight. However, by magic standards they were quite suitable for the evening. A quick charm was all she needed to put her long, thick hair in a sleek up-do, and makeup was barely a necessity.

Gracing to the door, she passed one glance around the room, and left. A crisp sigh emitted her as she reached the stairs, and her chestnut eyes swept the floor. Guests had already arrived, and they waited patiently for her. Lightly gripping her skirt, she made the long journey down the winding staircase.

~+~+~+~

Raising his head, Billy let loose an enormous yawn. The day had proved to be uneventful, and his ears pricked with the arrival of the Ford Brothers. With an inward sigh, he drew himself up and looked up the length of Bob. At least, he assumed it was Bob. He could at least see a nose, which was more than he could ever see of Charlie in his Animagus form. But the smell, oh the smell, yes it was definitely Bob.

"Sleeping on the job?" Charlie asked wittingly.

Only a note changed in Billy's growl as he transformed. "No worse than what you've done," he barked, standing upright.

"What a temper," Charlie tsked, "Sure you shouldn't have been a Chihuahua?"

"Yes, he is rather uptight," Bob chirped.

Billy pressed closer, his face inches from Charlie's. "If you were an Animagi," he "You'd be a snake." He glanced at Bob. "And there's not animal low enough for you." He moved away, and began walking in the opposite direction. "But no need to worry," he said, "You haven't the intelligence between the two of you to become one."

Bob attempted to pounce forward, but Charlie held him back.

"He'll get his own," he whispered, "Oh yes, he'll get his…"

And all three laughed, for entirely different reasons, Bob's slightly more nervous than his brother's.

~+~+~+~

"Fae, what is this?" A mixture of fright and shock was smudged across Remus' face as he dropped the letter.

Fae reached for it, scanned it, and shrugged. "What can you expect? He kissed her."

"But why?" his voice cracked, and he was staring somewhere twelve inches right of Fae's face.

"What I gathered," she said slowly, collecting her thoughts. "Is that Romulus came here looking for something; I suspect the crystal ball he took. But there was a hitch in his plan, something he hadn't expected… something he never calculated in, and that was Vala. Why would he? To the Malfoys you're a minor factor; there'd be no reason to tell him of your relation with Vala."

"Yes, but," and now his eyes finally made contact with hers, "Why would he kiss her?"

"All I can gather is he thought you two had," and she paused for a better word, and failing, "an affair. But why wouldn't he?" she resumed hurriedly. "There's a girl alone in your house, and Merlin knows what she said to him… anything could be taken the wrong way. So," she said, perhaps only take fill the gap, her lips a perfect O for a brief moment. "What better way to say goodbye than to kiss her? He was only acting the part… only to learn he'd been cast as the wrong character."

Remus nodded glumly, settling his face in his hands. "And Vala? Where is she now?"

"At Malfoy Manor," she said carefully. "But I don't know how long."

He raised his eyes higher than his fingertips. "Meaning?"

"I don't know," Fae mumbled. "I've been getting these god forsaken headaches all bloody night." She rubbed a temple. "And frankly, I'm sick of them."

"Fae…?"

"Yes?"

"How did you know Romulus was here?"

"The crystal, Remus, the crystal."

He lowered his hands, confusion creeping across him. "Come again?"

She sighed exhaustingly. "I used a type of charm to connect our crystals. It was easier than spying, while being twice as profitable. You still had your privacy, but if anything were to happen, I'd know."

"And when did you do this?"

"Years ago… Vala was still at Hogwarts."

"And it lasted all these years? That's quite advanced, even for a seventh year."

"Of course it didn't," she said impatiently, rubbing her eyes. "I've been reinforcing it over the years."

~+~+~+~

"Vala," greeted Saxon. "The Elixir of Life. How pleasant for you to join us."

She smiled softly, taking Saxon's hand as she stepped off the staircase.

"Well, what say we move into the dining room?" Saxon asked pleasantly. There was general agreement.

Inwardly, Vala recoiled, but she kept a smile plastered to her lips. It's a shame it never reached her eyes anymore. She used to glow. Not anymore. Marriage did that to you, she supposed. Besides, nobody married for love anymore. Because love was a ridiculous game and you never won. Even if you got your man, you were probably broke, and then where were you? Hopelessly in love and just as miserable.

I'm miserable too, her treacherous mind reminded. But the smile did not fade; it never did. Even if the glow did.

(A/N: Firstly, to get it out of the way, the story is now called Essential Fairy Tales. I thought it fit well enough. Now for the more interesting parts… Make Remus evil? Never! I love him too much. Not to mention it'd be entirely out of character for him. In case you didn't get my clue, it's from American Pie by Don McLean and it basically meant Remus couldn't be in two places at once. So that meant there must be two Remuses, but that of course is just as ridiculous… Meaning, there had to be someone who looked like Remus… aka his twin brother Romulus. All through the story I've addressed Remus Lupin as Remus and his brother as Lupin, so I hope that clears things up. Oh, and in case you were a little confused--No, Remus is not in any way connected to Gale or Ares. That would be Romulus' line of work. Cheers!

Almost forgot--Happy Fourth of July! And if you're not American… Happy Friday!!!)