September - November 1954
I dashed out of bed and into the bathroom. I barely had time to get my head over the toilet before I was throwing up violently.
"Hey baby, I guess you really are in there, and you sure know how to make mummy sick!" I addressed my stomach. I glanced behind me, Charles was sound asleep. He hadn't seemed to notice the past week when I'd been out of bed vomiting as soon as my eyes opened. I went and got back into bed, stroking Charles's face gently.
"Wake up Charlie dear, I've got something to tell you." Charles opened his eyes sleepily and smiled at me.
"Good morning my sweet." He sat up. I'd gone back to the Cove, but moved to Boston soon afterwards, Ben, Felicity and my dogs, Captain and Glory in tow, and I'd been living with the Winchesters for nearly two months.
"You remember how we've been discussing starting a family once we're married?" I smiled, our discussions often turned out to be a lot more.
"Of course my sweet."
"Well, we're going to be starting a family a whole lot sooner, I think I'm pregnant."
"Annabelle, what brilliant news! Are you sure?" Charles kissed me.
"As sure as morning sickness the past week makes me. I'm going to say that I'm due round about May 13."
"How truly wonderful! I guess it just happened because our heart was in it."
"Yeah, we want children, so the Lord saw to fit to bless us with one, goodness, I'll be four months gone when we marry!" We'd planned the wedding, a huge event for January 6 1955.
"Well, we can have it sooner before Christmas, or after you've given birth." Charles offered.
"No, we don't need to worry about that." A yell came from the nursery. Ben and Felicity were awake, and I brought them into our bed for a cuddle.
"They're beautiful Annie, and Felicity looks so much like you." Charles admired his nearly 6mo stepchildren.
"Ben looks just like his daddy though, oh there's a clever boy!" Ben had gotten onto his hands and knees and was rocking a little, but not crawling.
Nora came in with a knock and smiled at the family cuddle that was going on.
"Mother and I will feed and bath the kids this morning if you like Annie, remember you and Charles both have work." Charles was at Boston Mercy, and I went in with him two days a week. I helped wherever I was needed, on rounds, or even in the OR, I wasn't paid, as it was mostly to keep me busy and allow Diana and Nora to spoil the babies rotten without me intervening.
"Just Annie and me and baby makes . . . five we're happy in my, Blue Heaven!" Charles was happily singing as he shaved, while I showered, singing something completely different, but equally off-key.
"Do you want to tell your family?" I asked, I'd decided most of my side could wait until the wedding. We were doing a round in the hospital as I talked.
"No, Father will insist that we marry sooner. I am sure that he will notice eventually, especially if you were anything like you were in your first trimester with the twins"
"What do you mean?" I asked nonchalantly.
"You could cry at the drop of a hat, you ate enough to give Radar a good run for his money, the insomnia, the exhaustion, oh and then your constant griping about breast pain, and you had extreme morning sickness very early on." Charles laughed, before turning towards his patient. I smiled, and kept going.
"Miss Anne, a Mr Honnicut telephoned while you were out, he says that he'd like you to call him at San Francisco General Hospital as soon as you're available." Clarissa informed us as soon as we'd got home.
"The hospital?" I echoed, she handed me the piece of paper with the phone number on it. I went into the kitchen and rang BJ at once, even though both Ben and Felicity were shouting for dinner.
"Hello, Dr Honnicut." I'd been put through to the brand-new Chief Surgeon's office.
"Beej, it's Anne, why did you want me to ring?"
"Oh, Anne-girl, thank goodness! Peggy's gone into labour, and it's taking forever, the baby is breech, and we're not sure if the baby will make it."
"BJ, oh my gosh, Peggy's not due till October 4, that's 3 weeks early!"
"Annie, I'm so worried. What if the baby . . . or Peggy . . . she's been in labour since 2am." BJ 's voice trembled. Nora brought in Felicity and sat her on my lap, complete with a bowl and spoon of mashed pumpkin, and a couple of bread crusts for her to chew. I dipped a crust in pumpkin and handed it to her.
"I know you've been pushed into the waiting room and have no idea what's going on, but just settle down and remember that Peggy's going to be fine, because you know in your heart you wouldn't have let her go with anyone but the best. Easy Felicity." I stopped her from throwing her bread crust.
"Are you busy Anne?" I shoved the phone under my ear so both hands were free.
"I'm feeding Felicity, she's loving her pumpkin." I gave her a spoonful of the warm orange mash.
"I'll let you go. Annie, besides I'm holding up the hospital's phone, and you're paying."
"Okay, just don't worry. Peggy will be fine, and so will your baby. Give me a call as soon as that baby's out."
"I will, bye Anne-girl, give the kids a hug from me."
"And one for Erin!" We hung up and I turned my attention to my daughter. If I went out and missed giving her lunch, I was the only one who could giver her dinner as far as she was concerned. Ben was the same and Charles was trying to keep him occupied.
"What did BJ want?" He asked, wrestling with little BJ who was trying to kamikaze dive out of his arms. I explained the situation and finished feeding Felicity. I swapped to feeding BJ, while Charles gave Felicity a bottle.
Charles and I were both anxious and didn't talk much, just staring at the telephone. Felicity and BJ were grumpy, being in the earliest stages of teething and their whinging added to the tension.
"I'll take them upstairs for a bath." I said at last, Charles decided he'd come too, and the four of us were soon settled very comfortably in a hot bubble bath. It helped soothe the babies and they started to drift off. I heard the phone ring, and Charles and I shared glances, preparing to get out to answer it. Clarissa took the call, and while she did, I admired my chubby infants, thanking God that they had been very little trouble to bring into the world.
"That was Mr Honnicut, he says Mrs Honnicut is still in labour, he was just calling to let you know. If you please Master Charles, I took the liberty of saying that he could call back any hour." Charles acknowledged Clarissa and she left, placing some warm towels and Charles's and my terrycloth robes on the bench as she went.
Charles got out, put on his robe, and took Ben out of the bath. I waited until Ben was wrapped in a towel, before handing Felicity over as well. I got out, put on my robe and we went into the nursery where I gave the babies a bedtime feed, they had a bottle with lunch and dinner, but morning, night and naptime were still required feeds.
They were quite ready to go to sleep, and Charles and I went back downstairs, where we played bridge against Charles Senior and Diana. Nora was playing a very pretty piece on the piano, and when his parents retired, we busied ourselves by listening to Nora's playing. It had gotten late, almost midnight, and she went to bed too.
After a half-hearted hour of listening to Bach, Charles and I decided that we'd keep ourselves busy by cuddling onto the couch and teasing each other with sweet, suggestive nothings.
"Maybe we should go to bed, BJ probably won't ring now." Charles suggested, kissing the very tip of my nose right as the phone started to ring. I snatched it up.
"BJ?"
"Oh Annie, Annie, thank god, she's here, a beautiful 10lb 15oz baby girl. She's so big!"
"It's a girl Charlie dear, 10lbs 15oz!" I relayed the news to Charles and he seemed relieved and pleased. "Does she have a name yet?"
"Amy-Jane Honnicut."
"Hmm, I think I've heard that name before. Does she have a middle name and how's Peggy?"
"Asleep, took 24 hours to give birth. Amy-Jane won't have a middle name. We think Amy-Jane is perfect alone."
"It's lovely, look, I'll let you go, you sound half-dead!"
"I'm not used to staying awake for 24 hours solid anymore."
"Neither am I, we all send our congratulations, take care of yourself, and if I can, I'll come across and see Amy-Jane as soon as I'm available." I hung up, and yawned. Charles had a celebratory brandy, and I fell asleep before I made it upstairs, and I was left to sleep on the sofa, and go up to bed when I was ready.
Another phone call the next morning had Charles and I out of bed at 8. It was Hawkeye, he was going to see the baby, Margaret was going, and would I complete the quartet? I agreed at once, wanting to see Amy. I was taking the twins, but Charles couldn't come. Margaret was now Head Nurse, and was able to take time off if she wanted.
I caught a train up to Portland the next day, and after meeting Margaret and Hawkeye, we were at the airport, bound for Mill-Valley. We arrived late, just after 11, and decided to lob on BJ the next day, so we headed to a hotel, that we'd conveniently forgot to book.
"I only have one room with a double bed." The receptionist told us apologetically. "I can have cribs bought up for the babies, but that's the best I can do."
"We can sleep in the same bed, we've managed before, well Annie, Trapper and I did, on one bunk, so I think we can survive thankyou." Hawkeye smiled handing over some cash. The receptionist bemusedly got the bellboy to show us to our room and set up somewhere for the twins to sleep.
"Okay, how will we do this?" I asked, after we'd washed and changed into our pyjamas
"Hawkeye in the middle?" Margaret suggested with a grin.
"No, I couldn't breathe between you," Hawkeye said, his eyes already hinting on panic.
"Okay, I'll go in the middle. I'm the smallest, I guess it makes sense" We crawled into bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
I woke the next morning and fought the urge to vomit. Margaret was sprawled beside me, an arm thrown over my stomach. Hawkeye was pushed to the edge of the bed and was asleep on his stomach, his face buried in my hair. I crept out, and threw up as quietly as I could, and by the time I'd showered, Hawkeye and Margaret had woken.
Hawkeye went and showered, while Margaret and I ordered room service for breakfast. It was just delivered when Hawkeye got out of the shower, wearing white shorts and his Hawaiian shirt. After eating, Margaret got ready and the twins woke up. Sometime later we were ready and caught a bus to the hospital.
"Are your children under twelve months old?" The matron asked. Children of no relation who where more than a year and younger than eight were not allowed in the maternity ward.
"Yes, six months today." I replied. I couldn't believe that it had been six months since I'd spent 18 hours getting them out of me alive and well.
"Very well, I'll see if Mrs Honnicut will see you." She made us wait outside a room, and returned after a minute.
"Mrs Honnicut is asleep, and Mr Honnicut isn't here, however, Nurse Brigham can show you to the nursery and you can view the baby. We followed the nurse, and she pointed out Amy-Jane. The baby appeared quite healthy, despite being born three weeks prem. We couldn't hold her as the mother or father had to be present. So we just admired Amy-Jane a little longer and decided we'd go and get a coffee when BJ turned up, very glad to see us.
"Annie, Margaret and Hawkeye! Thanks for coming!" BJ was leading Erin who wrapped her arms around my legs. I handed Felicity to Margaret and BJ to BJ so I could pick her up.
"Annie Belle!" She crowed, cuddling her dark head against me. She called me Aunty Belle like Corey did, but aunty often came out Annie. "See, my sissa, Amy, like you, Annie Marg! Uncle Hawke! I's is a big sissa now!"
"That's all she talks about being a sister." BJ laughed, handing Hawkeye his son so he could take his daughter as Nurse Brigham brought her out. The baby was sound asleep.
"We'll walk back to Peg's room okay? Come on down Erin, you must be awfully heavy for Aunty Belle." The little girl slid down with ease, taking her father's free hand. BJ showed us back to Peggy's room, she had woken now, and was glad to see us. We sat around and talked for so long, we lost track of the time.
"We'll be back after lunch okay, the kids aren't going to wait much longer." Felicity was chewing my finger and looking distressed while Ben was crying outright. We hurried downstairs to the cafeteria and watched as they chewed their way through a banana each.
We stayed in the hotel for another two nights, by which time Peggy and Amy were out of hospital. After seeing them home and settled in we decided we'd better get back, Daniel was lonely without Hawkeye, and Margaret had only taken four days off.
I arrived back in Boston about a week after I left, as I spent a night in Portland with Margaret. Charles was very pleased to see the twins and I; and he met me at the airport with a bunch of roses, and a big kiss.
The next 'event' planned was Charles's 36th birthday, where I'd get to meet his relatives, and our engagement would be properly announced. Although Charles's actual birthday was Halloween, I'd promised to go back to the Cove's Halloween Celebration so his party was November 7. Hawkeye and Daniel were going to sit for the kids for the week so I didn't need to bring them to the party, giving them some real time to get to know the twins.
"Oh. Groucho!" I groaned as Hawkeye and Daniel emerged from their bedrooms identically dressed. I rolled my eyes and took off my robe. Hawkeye and Daniel's eyes visibly popped.
"Wow!" I was wearing a red silk dress that reached my ankles. The skirt was full, and slit halfway up to my thigh. In the slit you could see layers of ruffled black lace and the shine of nylon stockings. The bodice was pretty tight fitting and reasonably low-cut, and a hint of black lace added a little colour to the neckline. The sleeves were tight until the elbows from where they fell loosely to my wrists.
"Thanks guys," I smiled demurely, "But you ain't seen nothing yet!" I had a towel wrapped around my head and I pulled it off with a flourish. Loose, black curls fell around my shoulders. Daniel and Hawkeye just stared, even the twins playing on the floor were quiet.
"It's a wig!" I laughed after a shocked silence, reaching under to pull a blonde lock out. They looked relieved.
"That's very, south of the border, but it looks great!" Hawkeye smiled as we walked to the party, which was on the public beach. A huge bonfire was burning and loud music played from somewhere.
"What are you waiting for? Let's have some fun!" Hawkeye cheered. I smiled, and left the babies at the Moss's house, that was the crèche for the evening, with the Moss's daughters looking after any children under five. They were dependable girls, the youngest was 14, knowing my kids were safe, I began to have a whole lot of fun.
"Annie, whatever did you do to your hair?" Charles cried as I met him at the airport.
"It's a wig Charlie dear!" I laughed, pulling it off. Charles looked relieved, I couldn't believe so many people got so upset by the thought of me dying my hair black. It made it almost tempting to actually do it, but I decided I wouldn't, after all I was properly meeting Charles's family very soon.
"This is Annabelle Dawson." Charles introduced me politely to some people. "Annie this is my aunt and uncle Wilhelmina and Philip Winchester."
"Pleased to meet you." I politely shook their hands. I could tell already in the way they smiled at me, that they weren't impressed by me, I was hardly the type of woman they would approve of, as many of them knew about my previous marriage and the twins.
"Annie this is my cousin Joan." I shook hands with her and her husband. They too were extremely condescending.
The whole superiority thing continued most of the night; relatives often laughed at me, and told Charles I was 'sweet' while some casually remarked on the fact that I'd already married once as though it was some serious sin.
"So Annabelle, where did you grow up?" A rich old uncle, I'd forgotten his name asked.
"Portland, Maine." I replied.
"Oh, Portland, well, well, well, look at this Elaine, haven't been to Harvard, or even Yale, and you grew up in Portland, what is Charles thinking in marrying you?"
"Portland is wonderful town, I'm very proud I grew up there!" I replied with as much dignity as I could.
"Well, well, well! We are a pretty little thing, and such a spitfire too. What a sweet girl, Charles will have fun with you!" He patted my head, blowing cigar smoke in my face.
"Hush Howard, leave her alone, she is very sweet. She'll be a wonderful mother." Elaine, his wife remarked. Tears stung in my eyes, and turned and left them without even thinking about it.
"Nora, tell Charles I had to go." I said, when I ran blindly into her. I collected my coat, and went outside, and got a taxi. I heard Charles's surprised voice as I climbed in the taxi and it drove away.
The cab driver was very nice, gave me a few tissues and then he brought me a coffee and asked where I wanted to go. I had calmed down, but I knew I couldn't face going to Charles's again. So I gave him Trapper's address, and in a few minutes I was outside Trapper's apartment.
"Annie, oh what's wrong, come on in." Trapper had pulled me into the room, and hugged me to his chest until I quieted down. He sat me on the couch and I began to talk.
"Trapper they're all so patronising! 'She's sweet' and 'she'll be a good mother' that's just the women and the men are even worse! Patting me on the head and saying I'm a pretty little thing! Acting as though I don't know anything because I wasn't at Harvard!"
"Steady on Annie beautiful, they're just reacting to a new person in a pretty typical way. You're a stranger; it's their job to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible. I mean look at how we always reacted to a new nurse."
"You and Hawkeye would've chased her." I gave a laugh. Trapper smiled at my teary face and offered me a tissue.
"We teased her a bit, gave them a hard time, to get through their formality. Like you, how we teased you a little before we went to the aid station."
"Yeah but they were being serious. They really don't think I'm good enough for him."
"You know, if anything they're not good enough for you, and I only know one person who is, he's up in Maine with your kids right at this moment."
"Don't go there Trapper." I silenced him; he hugged me to soothe me.
"Do you want me to drive you home?" Trapper asked after a few quiet minutes where I just sat with him, holding him like the old days when I was an unmarried, virginal Lieutenant and he was my technically married big brother.
"I can't go back and face them all yet. Do you mind if I sleep on the sofa?"
"On one condition, I'm allowed to call Charles." I agreed to that. "Well, I'll find you something to sleep in."
"You still have these? I don't believe it! Mind you I still have all my things too." Trapper had produced a very familiar pair of shorts and a t- shirt, both in an unappealing shade of olive drab.
"They're great when you have an unexpected guest." I went into the bathroom and changed into the big shirt and shorts. I hung my dress up on the back of the door, unpinned my hair and removed the makeup. I came back out, and I settled down on the couch, and fell asleep while Trapper rang Charles.
I stirred a bit later when I heard a familiar rounded accent. "Thankyou for calling me John, I truly was going out of my mind." It was Charles, but I lay quietly, pretending to be asleep.
"Shh, she's asleep on the sofa." The men came in the room.
"Did she tell you why she . . .?" Charles's voice was anxious.
"Come on into the kitchen, let her sleep." Trapper and Charles left and I went to sleep properly. I was left to sleep there the rest of the night. I had to go and meet Hawkeye in Portland to pick up the twins, and I dressed in something Trapper found for me. I was driven to the train station, and after picking up the twins I returned to Boston to sort things out with Charles.
"Annie, I'm sorry you feel that way." Charles said.
"I can't be this person they want, I can't be a Winchester Charles dear, do you understand? I'm ever so happy with you, but that's as far as it goes. I'm really sorry"
"Don't be, you can only be who you are. I'd feel the same were I in your place."
"I'm sorry, but I really want to go back to the Cove. I'm not cut out for Boston."
"Oh Annie, but I can't leave Boston."
"You can't leave and I can't stay," I gave a small, rueful laugh. "Oh the irony of it. Yet we thought we were perfect for each other and we're having child. How can our baby ever grow up 'normally' when mummy can't live where daddy can't leave?"
"Annie, go back to the Cove, we'll call off the wedding if you want, I can't have you unhappy for me, and as for the baby, we can work something out, it's hardly the future I would plan for my child, but it's barely an inch long, so until it's born the mental, physical and emotional health of its mother is most important."
"Charles, I never thought you'd be so understand about it. In fact I expected you to just pat me on the head, say it's a pregnancy mood swing, and tell me to run along."
"Anne, my sweet, I couldn't! I do care for you, and so in your best interests I'm saying do whatever makes you happy!" Charles smiled at me seriously.
"Even if it means leaving Boston on a permanent basis?"
"Even then." It was obvious he was hurting, but it was obvious that he loved me.
"Charles, you don't know how sorry I am. I feel terrible for going but I know I'd feel worse if I stayed. I do love you, and I'm so grateful for what we had, and I won't ever look back on it with regret. You can have the ring, and everything you ever gave me." I gave him the engagement ring and reached for the silver bracelet he'd given me.
"No, keep the bracelet, and the dresses, and all the beautiful things I got for the kids. Don't think of them as something from Charlie dear, but as something from Charles Winchester, your very good friend."
"God this is really hard, I'm not going to start crying though. Yes I am." I dissolved into a watery, largely hormonal mess. Charles tried to comfort me, but nearly wound up crying himself.
"Annie, thankyou, even though you are leaving, thankyou for everything, for loving me, and giving me a child. You're quite welcome to stay tonight if you want.
"No I think I should go, it's going to be harder in the morning. I'll stay at Trapper's for a few days, while I sort everything. I guess it's back to the Pierces again." I bit my lip.
"Giles will drive you. . ." Charles began.
"I'll call a cab, I can't expect to use all your facilities if I'm not a part of the household." I said.
"Very well, Annie, you are so stubborn." I laughed, and called Trapper and then a taxi. An hour later, with the kids bundled up for the cold weather, and the most basic things I needed packed, Charles and I said a very sorrowful, but amicable farewell.
So there I was, a single mother, with a broken marriage and engagement behind me. I was back to sleeping on the couch, with no idea of what I was doing, where I was going or how I'd support my babies, to say nothing of the one I had on the way. I lay down uncomfortably on the sofa, and wondered just how much worse things could get.
I dashed out of bed and into the bathroom. I barely had time to get my head over the toilet before I was throwing up violently.
"Hey baby, I guess you really are in there, and you sure know how to make mummy sick!" I addressed my stomach. I glanced behind me, Charles was sound asleep. He hadn't seemed to notice the past week when I'd been out of bed vomiting as soon as my eyes opened. I went and got back into bed, stroking Charles's face gently.
"Wake up Charlie dear, I've got something to tell you." Charles opened his eyes sleepily and smiled at me.
"Good morning my sweet." He sat up. I'd gone back to the Cove, but moved to Boston soon afterwards, Ben, Felicity and my dogs, Captain and Glory in tow, and I'd been living with the Winchesters for nearly two months.
"You remember how we've been discussing starting a family once we're married?" I smiled, our discussions often turned out to be a lot more.
"Of course my sweet."
"Well, we're going to be starting a family a whole lot sooner, I think I'm pregnant."
"Annabelle, what brilliant news! Are you sure?" Charles kissed me.
"As sure as morning sickness the past week makes me. I'm going to say that I'm due round about May 13."
"How truly wonderful! I guess it just happened because our heart was in it."
"Yeah, we want children, so the Lord saw to fit to bless us with one, goodness, I'll be four months gone when we marry!" We'd planned the wedding, a huge event for January 6 1955.
"Well, we can have it sooner before Christmas, or after you've given birth." Charles offered.
"No, we don't need to worry about that." A yell came from the nursery. Ben and Felicity were awake, and I brought them into our bed for a cuddle.
"They're beautiful Annie, and Felicity looks so much like you." Charles admired his nearly 6mo stepchildren.
"Ben looks just like his daddy though, oh there's a clever boy!" Ben had gotten onto his hands and knees and was rocking a little, but not crawling.
Nora came in with a knock and smiled at the family cuddle that was going on.
"Mother and I will feed and bath the kids this morning if you like Annie, remember you and Charles both have work." Charles was at Boston Mercy, and I went in with him two days a week. I helped wherever I was needed, on rounds, or even in the OR, I wasn't paid, as it was mostly to keep me busy and allow Diana and Nora to spoil the babies rotten without me intervening.
"Just Annie and me and baby makes . . . five we're happy in my, Blue Heaven!" Charles was happily singing as he shaved, while I showered, singing something completely different, but equally off-key.
"Do you want to tell your family?" I asked, I'd decided most of my side could wait until the wedding. We were doing a round in the hospital as I talked.
"No, Father will insist that we marry sooner. I am sure that he will notice eventually, especially if you were anything like you were in your first trimester with the twins"
"What do you mean?" I asked nonchalantly.
"You could cry at the drop of a hat, you ate enough to give Radar a good run for his money, the insomnia, the exhaustion, oh and then your constant griping about breast pain, and you had extreme morning sickness very early on." Charles laughed, before turning towards his patient. I smiled, and kept going.
"Miss Anne, a Mr Honnicut telephoned while you were out, he says that he'd like you to call him at San Francisco General Hospital as soon as you're available." Clarissa informed us as soon as we'd got home.
"The hospital?" I echoed, she handed me the piece of paper with the phone number on it. I went into the kitchen and rang BJ at once, even though both Ben and Felicity were shouting for dinner.
"Hello, Dr Honnicut." I'd been put through to the brand-new Chief Surgeon's office.
"Beej, it's Anne, why did you want me to ring?"
"Oh, Anne-girl, thank goodness! Peggy's gone into labour, and it's taking forever, the baby is breech, and we're not sure if the baby will make it."
"BJ, oh my gosh, Peggy's not due till October 4, that's 3 weeks early!"
"Annie, I'm so worried. What if the baby . . . or Peggy . . . she's been in labour since 2am." BJ 's voice trembled. Nora brought in Felicity and sat her on my lap, complete with a bowl and spoon of mashed pumpkin, and a couple of bread crusts for her to chew. I dipped a crust in pumpkin and handed it to her.
"I know you've been pushed into the waiting room and have no idea what's going on, but just settle down and remember that Peggy's going to be fine, because you know in your heart you wouldn't have let her go with anyone but the best. Easy Felicity." I stopped her from throwing her bread crust.
"Are you busy Anne?" I shoved the phone under my ear so both hands were free.
"I'm feeding Felicity, she's loving her pumpkin." I gave her a spoonful of the warm orange mash.
"I'll let you go. Annie, besides I'm holding up the hospital's phone, and you're paying."
"Okay, just don't worry. Peggy will be fine, and so will your baby. Give me a call as soon as that baby's out."
"I will, bye Anne-girl, give the kids a hug from me."
"And one for Erin!" We hung up and I turned my attention to my daughter. If I went out and missed giving her lunch, I was the only one who could giver her dinner as far as she was concerned. Ben was the same and Charles was trying to keep him occupied.
"What did BJ want?" He asked, wrestling with little BJ who was trying to kamikaze dive out of his arms. I explained the situation and finished feeding Felicity. I swapped to feeding BJ, while Charles gave Felicity a bottle.
Charles and I were both anxious and didn't talk much, just staring at the telephone. Felicity and BJ were grumpy, being in the earliest stages of teething and their whinging added to the tension.
"I'll take them upstairs for a bath." I said at last, Charles decided he'd come too, and the four of us were soon settled very comfortably in a hot bubble bath. It helped soothe the babies and they started to drift off. I heard the phone ring, and Charles and I shared glances, preparing to get out to answer it. Clarissa took the call, and while she did, I admired my chubby infants, thanking God that they had been very little trouble to bring into the world.
"That was Mr Honnicut, he says Mrs Honnicut is still in labour, he was just calling to let you know. If you please Master Charles, I took the liberty of saying that he could call back any hour." Charles acknowledged Clarissa and she left, placing some warm towels and Charles's and my terrycloth robes on the bench as she went.
Charles got out, put on his robe, and took Ben out of the bath. I waited until Ben was wrapped in a towel, before handing Felicity over as well. I got out, put on my robe and we went into the nursery where I gave the babies a bedtime feed, they had a bottle with lunch and dinner, but morning, night and naptime were still required feeds.
They were quite ready to go to sleep, and Charles and I went back downstairs, where we played bridge against Charles Senior and Diana. Nora was playing a very pretty piece on the piano, and when his parents retired, we busied ourselves by listening to Nora's playing. It had gotten late, almost midnight, and she went to bed too.
After a half-hearted hour of listening to Bach, Charles and I decided that we'd keep ourselves busy by cuddling onto the couch and teasing each other with sweet, suggestive nothings.
"Maybe we should go to bed, BJ probably won't ring now." Charles suggested, kissing the very tip of my nose right as the phone started to ring. I snatched it up.
"BJ?"
"Oh Annie, Annie, thank god, she's here, a beautiful 10lb 15oz baby girl. She's so big!"
"It's a girl Charlie dear, 10lbs 15oz!" I relayed the news to Charles and he seemed relieved and pleased. "Does she have a name yet?"
"Amy-Jane Honnicut."
"Hmm, I think I've heard that name before. Does she have a middle name and how's Peggy?"
"Asleep, took 24 hours to give birth. Amy-Jane won't have a middle name. We think Amy-Jane is perfect alone."
"It's lovely, look, I'll let you go, you sound half-dead!"
"I'm not used to staying awake for 24 hours solid anymore."
"Neither am I, we all send our congratulations, take care of yourself, and if I can, I'll come across and see Amy-Jane as soon as I'm available." I hung up, and yawned. Charles had a celebratory brandy, and I fell asleep before I made it upstairs, and I was left to sleep on the sofa, and go up to bed when I was ready.
Another phone call the next morning had Charles and I out of bed at 8. It was Hawkeye, he was going to see the baby, Margaret was going, and would I complete the quartet? I agreed at once, wanting to see Amy. I was taking the twins, but Charles couldn't come. Margaret was now Head Nurse, and was able to take time off if she wanted.
I caught a train up to Portland the next day, and after meeting Margaret and Hawkeye, we were at the airport, bound for Mill-Valley. We arrived late, just after 11, and decided to lob on BJ the next day, so we headed to a hotel, that we'd conveniently forgot to book.
"I only have one room with a double bed." The receptionist told us apologetically. "I can have cribs bought up for the babies, but that's the best I can do."
"We can sleep in the same bed, we've managed before, well Annie, Trapper and I did, on one bunk, so I think we can survive thankyou." Hawkeye smiled handing over some cash. The receptionist bemusedly got the bellboy to show us to our room and set up somewhere for the twins to sleep.
"Okay, how will we do this?" I asked, after we'd washed and changed into our pyjamas
"Hawkeye in the middle?" Margaret suggested with a grin.
"No, I couldn't breathe between you," Hawkeye said, his eyes already hinting on panic.
"Okay, I'll go in the middle. I'm the smallest, I guess it makes sense" We crawled into bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
I woke the next morning and fought the urge to vomit. Margaret was sprawled beside me, an arm thrown over my stomach. Hawkeye was pushed to the edge of the bed and was asleep on his stomach, his face buried in my hair. I crept out, and threw up as quietly as I could, and by the time I'd showered, Hawkeye and Margaret had woken.
Hawkeye went and showered, while Margaret and I ordered room service for breakfast. It was just delivered when Hawkeye got out of the shower, wearing white shorts and his Hawaiian shirt. After eating, Margaret got ready and the twins woke up. Sometime later we were ready and caught a bus to the hospital.
"Are your children under twelve months old?" The matron asked. Children of no relation who where more than a year and younger than eight were not allowed in the maternity ward.
"Yes, six months today." I replied. I couldn't believe that it had been six months since I'd spent 18 hours getting them out of me alive and well.
"Very well, I'll see if Mrs Honnicut will see you." She made us wait outside a room, and returned after a minute.
"Mrs Honnicut is asleep, and Mr Honnicut isn't here, however, Nurse Brigham can show you to the nursery and you can view the baby. We followed the nurse, and she pointed out Amy-Jane. The baby appeared quite healthy, despite being born three weeks prem. We couldn't hold her as the mother or father had to be present. So we just admired Amy-Jane a little longer and decided we'd go and get a coffee when BJ turned up, very glad to see us.
"Annie, Margaret and Hawkeye! Thanks for coming!" BJ was leading Erin who wrapped her arms around my legs. I handed Felicity to Margaret and BJ to BJ so I could pick her up.
"Annie Belle!" She crowed, cuddling her dark head against me. She called me Aunty Belle like Corey did, but aunty often came out Annie. "See, my sissa, Amy, like you, Annie Marg! Uncle Hawke! I's is a big sissa now!"
"That's all she talks about being a sister." BJ laughed, handing Hawkeye his son so he could take his daughter as Nurse Brigham brought her out. The baby was sound asleep.
"We'll walk back to Peg's room okay? Come on down Erin, you must be awfully heavy for Aunty Belle." The little girl slid down with ease, taking her father's free hand. BJ showed us back to Peggy's room, she had woken now, and was glad to see us. We sat around and talked for so long, we lost track of the time.
"We'll be back after lunch okay, the kids aren't going to wait much longer." Felicity was chewing my finger and looking distressed while Ben was crying outright. We hurried downstairs to the cafeteria and watched as they chewed their way through a banana each.
We stayed in the hotel for another two nights, by which time Peggy and Amy were out of hospital. After seeing them home and settled in we decided we'd better get back, Daniel was lonely without Hawkeye, and Margaret had only taken four days off.
I arrived back in Boston about a week after I left, as I spent a night in Portland with Margaret. Charles was very pleased to see the twins and I; and he met me at the airport with a bunch of roses, and a big kiss.
The next 'event' planned was Charles's 36th birthday, where I'd get to meet his relatives, and our engagement would be properly announced. Although Charles's actual birthday was Halloween, I'd promised to go back to the Cove's Halloween Celebration so his party was November 7. Hawkeye and Daniel were going to sit for the kids for the week so I didn't need to bring them to the party, giving them some real time to get to know the twins.
"Oh. Groucho!" I groaned as Hawkeye and Daniel emerged from their bedrooms identically dressed. I rolled my eyes and took off my robe. Hawkeye and Daniel's eyes visibly popped.
"Wow!" I was wearing a red silk dress that reached my ankles. The skirt was full, and slit halfway up to my thigh. In the slit you could see layers of ruffled black lace and the shine of nylon stockings. The bodice was pretty tight fitting and reasonably low-cut, and a hint of black lace added a little colour to the neckline. The sleeves were tight until the elbows from where they fell loosely to my wrists.
"Thanks guys," I smiled demurely, "But you ain't seen nothing yet!" I had a towel wrapped around my head and I pulled it off with a flourish. Loose, black curls fell around my shoulders. Daniel and Hawkeye just stared, even the twins playing on the floor were quiet.
"It's a wig!" I laughed after a shocked silence, reaching under to pull a blonde lock out. They looked relieved.
"That's very, south of the border, but it looks great!" Hawkeye smiled as we walked to the party, which was on the public beach. A huge bonfire was burning and loud music played from somewhere.
"What are you waiting for? Let's have some fun!" Hawkeye cheered. I smiled, and left the babies at the Moss's house, that was the crèche for the evening, with the Moss's daughters looking after any children under five. They were dependable girls, the youngest was 14, knowing my kids were safe, I began to have a whole lot of fun.
"Annie, whatever did you do to your hair?" Charles cried as I met him at the airport.
"It's a wig Charlie dear!" I laughed, pulling it off. Charles looked relieved, I couldn't believe so many people got so upset by the thought of me dying my hair black. It made it almost tempting to actually do it, but I decided I wouldn't, after all I was properly meeting Charles's family very soon.
"This is Annabelle Dawson." Charles introduced me politely to some people. "Annie this is my aunt and uncle Wilhelmina and Philip Winchester."
"Pleased to meet you." I politely shook their hands. I could tell already in the way they smiled at me, that they weren't impressed by me, I was hardly the type of woman they would approve of, as many of them knew about my previous marriage and the twins.
"Annie this is my cousin Joan." I shook hands with her and her husband. They too were extremely condescending.
The whole superiority thing continued most of the night; relatives often laughed at me, and told Charles I was 'sweet' while some casually remarked on the fact that I'd already married once as though it was some serious sin.
"So Annabelle, where did you grow up?" A rich old uncle, I'd forgotten his name asked.
"Portland, Maine." I replied.
"Oh, Portland, well, well, well, look at this Elaine, haven't been to Harvard, or even Yale, and you grew up in Portland, what is Charles thinking in marrying you?"
"Portland is wonderful town, I'm very proud I grew up there!" I replied with as much dignity as I could.
"Well, well, well! We are a pretty little thing, and such a spitfire too. What a sweet girl, Charles will have fun with you!" He patted my head, blowing cigar smoke in my face.
"Hush Howard, leave her alone, she is very sweet. She'll be a wonderful mother." Elaine, his wife remarked. Tears stung in my eyes, and turned and left them without even thinking about it.
"Nora, tell Charles I had to go." I said, when I ran blindly into her. I collected my coat, and went outside, and got a taxi. I heard Charles's surprised voice as I climbed in the taxi and it drove away.
The cab driver was very nice, gave me a few tissues and then he brought me a coffee and asked where I wanted to go. I had calmed down, but I knew I couldn't face going to Charles's again. So I gave him Trapper's address, and in a few minutes I was outside Trapper's apartment.
"Annie, oh what's wrong, come on in." Trapper had pulled me into the room, and hugged me to his chest until I quieted down. He sat me on the couch and I began to talk.
"Trapper they're all so patronising! 'She's sweet' and 'she'll be a good mother' that's just the women and the men are even worse! Patting me on the head and saying I'm a pretty little thing! Acting as though I don't know anything because I wasn't at Harvard!"
"Steady on Annie beautiful, they're just reacting to a new person in a pretty typical way. You're a stranger; it's their job to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible. I mean look at how we always reacted to a new nurse."
"You and Hawkeye would've chased her." I gave a laugh. Trapper smiled at my teary face and offered me a tissue.
"We teased her a bit, gave them a hard time, to get through their formality. Like you, how we teased you a little before we went to the aid station."
"Yeah but they were being serious. They really don't think I'm good enough for him."
"You know, if anything they're not good enough for you, and I only know one person who is, he's up in Maine with your kids right at this moment."
"Don't go there Trapper." I silenced him; he hugged me to soothe me.
"Do you want me to drive you home?" Trapper asked after a few quiet minutes where I just sat with him, holding him like the old days when I was an unmarried, virginal Lieutenant and he was my technically married big brother.
"I can't go back and face them all yet. Do you mind if I sleep on the sofa?"
"On one condition, I'm allowed to call Charles." I agreed to that. "Well, I'll find you something to sleep in."
"You still have these? I don't believe it! Mind you I still have all my things too." Trapper had produced a very familiar pair of shorts and a t- shirt, both in an unappealing shade of olive drab.
"They're great when you have an unexpected guest." I went into the bathroom and changed into the big shirt and shorts. I hung my dress up on the back of the door, unpinned my hair and removed the makeup. I came back out, and I settled down on the couch, and fell asleep while Trapper rang Charles.
I stirred a bit later when I heard a familiar rounded accent. "Thankyou for calling me John, I truly was going out of my mind." It was Charles, but I lay quietly, pretending to be asleep.
"Shh, she's asleep on the sofa." The men came in the room.
"Did she tell you why she . . .?" Charles's voice was anxious.
"Come on into the kitchen, let her sleep." Trapper and Charles left and I went to sleep properly. I was left to sleep there the rest of the night. I had to go and meet Hawkeye in Portland to pick up the twins, and I dressed in something Trapper found for me. I was driven to the train station, and after picking up the twins I returned to Boston to sort things out with Charles.
"Annie, I'm sorry you feel that way." Charles said.
"I can't be this person they want, I can't be a Winchester Charles dear, do you understand? I'm ever so happy with you, but that's as far as it goes. I'm really sorry"
"Don't be, you can only be who you are. I'd feel the same were I in your place."
"I'm sorry, but I really want to go back to the Cove. I'm not cut out for Boston."
"Oh Annie, but I can't leave Boston."
"You can't leave and I can't stay," I gave a small, rueful laugh. "Oh the irony of it. Yet we thought we were perfect for each other and we're having child. How can our baby ever grow up 'normally' when mummy can't live where daddy can't leave?"
"Annie, go back to the Cove, we'll call off the wedding if you want, I can't have you unhappy for me, and as for the baby, we can work something out, it's hardly the future I would plan for my child, but it's barely an inch long, so until it's born the mental, physical and emotional health of its mother is most important."
"Charles, I never thought you'd be so understand about it. In fact I expected you to just pat me on the head, say it's a pregnancy mood swing, and tell me to run along."
"Anne, my sweet, I couldn't! I do care for you, and so in your best interests I'm saying do whatever makes you happy!" Charles smiled at me seriously.
"Even if it means leaving Boston on a permanent basis?"
"Even then." It was obvious he was hurting, but it was obvious that he loved me.
"Charles, you don't know how sorry I am. I feel terrible for going but I know I'd feel worse if I stayed. I do love you, and I'm so grateful for what we had, and I won't ever look back on it with regret. You can have the ring, and everything you ever gave me." I gave him the engagement ring and reached for the silver bracelet he'd given me.
"No, keep the bracelet, and the dresses, and all the beautiful things I got for the kids. Don't think of them as something from Charlie dear, but as something from Charles Winchester, your very good friend."
"God this is really hard, I'm not going to start crying though. Yes I am." I dissolved into a watery, largely hormonal mess. Charles tried to comfort me, but nearly wound up crying himself.
"Annie, thankyou, even though you are leaving, thankyou for everything, for loving me, and giving me a child. You're quite welcome to stay tonight if you want.
"No I think I should go, it's going to be harder in the morning. I'll stay at Trapper's for a few days, while I sort everything. I guess it's back to the Pierces again." I bit my lip.
"Giles will drive you. . ." Charles began.
"I'll call a cab, I can't expect to use all your facilities if I'm not a part of the household." I said.
"Very well, Annie, you are so stubborn." I laughed, and called Trapper and then a taxi. An hour later, with the kids bundled up for the cold weather, and the most basic things I needed packed, Charles and I said a very sorrowful, but amicable farewell.
So there I was, a single mother, with a broken marriage and engagement behind me. I was back to sleeping on the couch, with no idea of what I was doing, where I was going or how I'd support my babies, to say nothing of the one I had on the way. I lay down uncomfortably on the sofa, and wondered just how much worse things could get.