Dealer's Choice
Chapter 4: Slapjack
*~*~*~*~*~*
"Get OUT of my ROOM!"
"I have just as much right to be here as you do, WENCH!"
"Out, Out, OUT!!"
SLAM!
"Aren't you s'posed to be settling in the Master Bedroom?"
"Shouldn't you NOT CARE?! GO AWAY!!"
"Are you always this bitchy?"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
"I thought that you wanted this stupid arrangement! That's what my old man wrote anyway!"
The house went deadly silent, and a tumbleweed was seen making it's merry way across the hallway, just missing Inuyasha's toes from his station of annoyance outside the door to Kagome's territory. He actually felt a chill go down his spine as the door to the room opened slowly, a few dramatic creaks thrown in for good measure. Kagome was absolutely glowering, bangs casting dangerous shadows across her face.
"You think," she began, trembling ever-so-slightly-just-enough-for-a-dramatic-effect, "That I wanted to be married to some COMPLETE STRANGER?!?"
"Well, when you put it that way..."
"YOU BASTARD! You don't UNDERSTAND!," Her head whipped upward to glare at him with delicately frustrated-tear-glazed eyes, "My Grandfather has ruined my entire LIFE! If it wasn't for him and his stupid GAMBLING ADDICTION, I WOULDN'T BE HERE!"
Inuyasha smirked at her knowingly, "Neither would I."
Drawing upon her dwindling reserve of calmnosity, the poor woman drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, 'Tie it to the ball, and throw it all away. Give it to the wind, and let it blow away. Tie it to the goldfish, and flush it down the toilet...'
"Oi, wench. You okay?"
'To hell with that.' "No. I'm not okay." And with that, she quietly closed the door in his face.
Inuyasha studied the grain of the wood for a moment, attempting to fathom what just happened right there. It was getting fucking confusing. One minute, they're enjoying an argument that just may begin World War III, and the next, she calmly retreats into her room without so much as a parting shot. And so, attempting to stop his poor, abused, forced-to-think brain from hurting, he banged on the door.
"What the fuck's wrong with you? MAKE UP YOUR STUPID MIND!!"
This got him a furious reappearance of the Kagome-Demon, "Excuse me, but you didn't deal with Grandpa throughout your entire existence. You didn't get everything you owned disappear for strange reasons. Hell, YOU NEVER LOST YOUR CAT TO A GAMBLING GEEZER! AND NOW YOUR GOING TO YELL AT ME LIKE IT'S MY FAULT?!? THINK AGAIN!" He stood dumbfoundedly again. Then, narrowing his eyes at the his seething wife, he found his tongue.
"Hold it, wench! You think you're the only victim here? What about me? What about the fact that my fucking dad is to blame, NOT ME! Dammit! If my mom wasn't so fucking devoted to his every wish, even after he fucking LEFT HER AND ME!!, then this wouldn't be a problem now would it?! Your family seemed pretty damn open to the arrangement!"
"Apparently, my mother stopped at the doctor's office after picking up my brother to get a SEDATIVE! Does that tell you how this works?! How do you think I feel?!"
"Fuck that! How do you think I feel?!?"
The couple glared at each other heatedly for a minute. Kagome broke eye contact with the irate man to retrieve something from the recesses of her room. She returned with a roll of masking tape and a determined expression. Inuyasha watched curiously as she proceeded to tape a half-circle around the door, throwing him completely off whatever the hell they were arguing about to begin with. Oh yeah. Who's fault it was for getting hitched. Dammit.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Cross this line," She replied, smoothing down the last piece of tape in response, "And you DIE."
And with that, she retreated into her room, slamming the door behind her. Those poor doors. They've just been taking such a beating lately...
Anyway, Inuyasha stepped over the line in a true, arrogant, Inuyasha-style manner.
"I CROSSED THE LINE, WENCH! WHADDAYA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!"
Kagome merely opened the door and kicked him soundly in the shins. Hard.
"OW! BITCH!"
She watched dispassionately as he hopped around on one foot, finally losing balance and falling backwards onto his bum-bum.
"And I'm keeping my maiden name."
"HEY!"
SLAM!
And that's how he ended up sleeping in his truck that night.
Now, as you've probably determined that things didn't go too well after everyone left.
You've basically determined right.
First it was the fight to get to the bathroom first, to rid themselves of the dreaded cupcake. Too much artificial coloring. Then there was the fact that neither of them were in their right minds, therefore immediately blaming their little problem on each other, even though they just learned each other's names a few minutes ago. Their first conversation without an audience started like this.
"This has to be all your fault."
But...
...that's all in the past now. No sense in bringing it up. I really don't know what came over me... *cough*
Kagome woke up feeling rather refreshed after a good night's sleep. That is until she realized that everything was not, in fact, a dream as she had initially hoped, but indeed, reality. Tough nookies, eh?
Watch now as we zoom in upon the wild Higurashi in her new habitat...
Inuyasha was nowhere to be found, and Kagome couldn't decide if this either exhilarated her, or made her nervous. She quickly finished unpacking her things and conducted a careful search of the grounds. There were no clues as to where her jerk of a husband-dearest went to.
Then she saw it.
A perfectly harmless sheet of paper laying on the kitchen table.
Obviously, a note.
She felt entirely stupid, then scanned the page quickly.
'Whatever-your-name-is, If you care, went to work. Cell number below. Be back later.'
She sat down, flipping the paper over to see if there was any more on the back. Nothing.
'That's it? At least I remember his stupid, idiotic name!' Kagome rose and approached the coffee machine her mother gave her as a house-warming gift before she left. There was still some of the brown/black liquid left. Inuyasha must have made a pot before he left to where ever the hell he went. She shrugged and poured herself a cup before sipping the lukewarm concoction. Grimacing, she spat the mouthful back into the mug. Heh. Forgot how much she hated the stuff, not to mention the fact that it was strong enough to kill an elephant. As she rinsed out the wasted coffee mug in the sink, a tsunami of guilt washed over her and began to eat away at the indignation that she had carefully constructed for such an occasion. She had been really mean to him yesterday...
"I'll give him a call and apologize!"
"Hey, Yash! Boss wants us to move this stuff for the next crew!"
"What? It's too loud!"
"Hold on!" The non-descript man signaled to some other non-descript men to keep their noise level down. Some equipment shut down in the process, "We're supposed to clear this junk outta here."
"Right," Suddenly a cell phone went off, piercing the background noise with it's high-pitched rendition of 'Itsy-bitsy, Teeny-weeny, Yellow Polka-dot Bikini'.
As if all the men in earshot shared the same brainwave, they all held up their hands, pinkies and pointers extended, up to their ears in a mockery of the poor call recipient.
"HELLO?"
They immediately began conversations on their imaginary phones in loud, obnoxious voices.
"You did WHAT to Schmuppy?!"
"Do you want fries with that?"
"Well, paint me green and call me Fern!"
"When and Where?"
"Of course, honey!"
"What are you wearing?" That one earned the poor guy a few whallops on the cranium. Poor Jaken.
Inuyasha glared at them all and answered his still ringing phone.
"Yeah?"
"Hello?" A delicate female voice responded, "Inuyasha?"
"K-kagome?" He fumbled with the phone, almost dropping it in shock, "Why are you calling? Is something wrong? What happened?"
"Nothing! I just wanted to-"
"I LOVE YOU, SNOOKUMS!"
"...what was that?"
"Nothing, it's-"
"YOU'RE MY LITTLE POOKY-BEAR!"
"DAMMIT! Hold on," Inuyasha covered the phone with one hand in order to muffle sound, "WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" He returned to the phone, "You were saying?"
"Oh! I wanted-"
"BE MY SNUGGLE BUNNY!"
"GYAH! Look, this is a really bad time-"
"I'm sorry! I-"
"How 'bout you just meet me for lunch?"
"YOU'RE MY BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY!"
"Uh- sure."
"Great. Meet me at Charlotte's at one."
"Okay."
"OOOOHHH! IT'S A DATE!"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUYS!" Click. Glare O' Death. Reception of grins in response.
He was about to open his mouth to deliver a brutal verbal lashing, however, a slight problem brought him to a screeching halt.
"Are all of your phone conversations this productive?"
Jaken grinned at the woman who was now leaning delicately against a piece of abandoned machinery as to not muss her little black dress, "Awww, c'mon Kikyo. You know how much fun it is to harass the dog demon."
She smiled coldly, "Yes," She remarked, picking her way to the silver-haired man in her stiletto pumps, "I do know."
Said silver-haired man growled as she drew closer, "Get back to work." The crew scattered.
Kikyo stopped just in front of Inuyasha and smiled sweetly at him, "Hello, darling."
"Hi," he answered gruffly, leading her to a pile of beams away from the workers and plopping down on the makeshift bench.
"You haven't changed a bit," she sighed as she trailed after him.
"Feh."
"I've been thinking about you."
"Kikyo, that was a long time ago."
"I know."
"Not to mention that you're married now. To my BOSS."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"You're gonna get me SACKED, KIKYO!"
Her brow furrowed, confoozled, "What are you talking about? I - oh." She laughed, "You're STILL worried about that? Inuyasha, it was an innocent roll in the hay."
"Feh. Tell that to Naraku when he finds out."
"Naraku already knows."
"Sure, he already- SHIT!" He jumped to his feet, "Are you trying to get me FIRED!?!" At the thought of his boss knowing of his and Kikyo's "little secret" was unnerving. Granted, it was a long time ago...
"Calm down. Your pacing is making me motion sick. I highly doubt that a tussle back at Senior Prom is enough to make him nervous. That's not what I'm here for anyway. You're being paranoid!"
"I am NOT paranoid!"
"Sure. Not at all."
"Feh."
"ANYWAY! I was thinking about you the other day."
"I'm sure. Still plotting on dragging me with you to hell?"
Kikyo smiled slightly, "You still remember that?"
"Feh. How could I forget?"
"Figures. Naraku's been thinking of giving you a raise."
"Generous old bastard, isn't he."
"I managed to talk him into it. On your behalf of course."
"...why?"
"Because you deserve it. You're good at what you do," Kikyo's eyes twinkled with mischief, "And you're one hell of a lay."
"Kikyo..."
"Lighten up, Yash! Here," she began to rummage through a small purse she had slung over her shoulder and pulled out a packet of papers and a pen, "It's the new contract."
"Feh," Inuyasha grabbed them and scanned them quickly, "I don't trust that bastard."
"You don't trust any bastard. You're just jealous I dumped your ass for his."
"Am not," he grumbled, signing his soul away to eternal damnation and handing the papers back to Kikyo.
"Are too," She folded them and tucked them neatly back into her purse, "I expect you to come to the company picnic with the missus next week."
That was enough to send him into choking spasms, "Wha- Who- How- ?" He began to sputter.
Kikyo blinked at him innocently, "Well, I assume that was who you were talking to on the phone before," She watched his face turn a brilliant shade of red until she suddenly began laughing, "Where's a camera when you need it?"
"A-actually..."
That shut her up. It wasn't everyday you saw Inuyasha embarrassed and stammering, "Am I missing something?"
"No."
"I don't know... You got all flustered for a second when I mention you having a WIFE." She emphasized the word on purpose, watching for his response.
Inuyasha went beet red at the word.
"Are you feeling okay?" Kikyo placed a hand on his forehead, and he flushed harder, "You're hot. Not just sexy hot. Warm hot."
"I'm fine," He choked.
"Hmm..." She began to circle him like a shark eying it's next meal, heels leaving neat little imprints in the dirt, "You say that you're feeling fine, but you turned a lovely red-purple. This means I said something. Did I say something wrong?"
He shook his head.
"So it WAS something I said. What was it, Yasha? Your wife? Did you up and marry, puppy?" Kikyo studied his face for a moment, taking into account the sudden drain of color in his face and the sweat forming on his brow. She nodded, and turned to where his friends and coworkers were busy at work. She cupped her hands over her mouth, a makeshift megaphone.
"HEY BOYS! YASH GOT HITCHED!!"
'Charlotte's' turned out to be a small diner conveniently located a few blocks away from the construction zone Inuyasha was currently working at. Imagine that.
After entering, Kagome was hit with a definite feeling of being out of place. Elderly and construction brutes lined the stools at the counter, and filled a few booths. Walking past, she could feel the weight of various gazes resting in the spot between her shoulder blades, pointedly ignoring a few crude remarks, wolf whistles, and cat calls.
She slid into a booth and ordered a small salad and glass of water before desperately attempting to be hard at work and very busy staring out the window. Before long, someone slid into the seat across from her. Kagome looked up, a light greeting on her lips.
That died rather quickly.
A balding man leered at her from over his large belly. His stained teeth glistened as he grinned. It was all rather grotesque, really.
"Hey, there sugar. Waitin' for someone?"
"Ah..."
He reached across the table to cover one of her small hands with his large, meaty one. "Why don'cha spend some time with me, eh?"
Kagome's skin began to crawl as his fetid breath made an appearance as he leaned closer. It was like a deer in headlights. But then he slumped forward, hitting his head with an audible 'thump', and apparently unconscious.
"Hello!" A younger man was sitting in the next booth, facing her. He looked at the, now snoring, scuzzball and clicked his tongue while shaking his head.
"You'll have to forgive him, miss. He forgets himself sometimes. Not to mention the horrible manners." He jumped up and approached her, extending his hand, "Please, allow me to escort you to a table more befitting of your lovely stature." He pulled her to her feet and led her to a different booth.
Kagome's head was spinning. So much was happening, and where the hell was Inuyasha, and why had that guy tried to hit on her because that was just gross, and JUST WHERE WAS THIS GUY'S HAND HEADING TO?!"
Slap!
"Your seat, milady," He made an extravagant bow, motioning to a new booth, and not missing a beat as he slid into the seat across from her, red handprint standing out like a beacon on his cheek. He took her hands from across the table, "Beautiful, I do believe we have yet to introduce ourselves. I am the infamous, Miroku Houshi, charmer extraordinaire. So now the question that remains is, what is your luscious identity?"
Kagome stared at him as her eye began to develop a tic, 'Is this guy for real?!'
"I take it from your silence that you are too enamored with me to reply. Ah, the woes of being desirable! Well, trivialities aside," He jumped out of his seat, landing on the floor and kneeling in front of the shell-shocked woman. He gently directed her attention to the aisle he was in, still clutching at her hands, "Lovely lady, will you bear my chi-AWK!!"
Life was great.
Peachy, in fact.
Just... Peachy...
*insert earth-moving sigh*
After Kikyo's impromptu announcement, jeers from his buddies, and general harassment all around, Inuyasha finally made it to Charlotte's. Only to find Miroku kneeling on the floor, apparently using his signature line to get himself creamed again. Some things never change.
But then he realized who Miroku was talking to.
His brow creased in anger, and he stomped over, grabbing hold of Miroku's short ponytail situated at the nape of his neck, and hoisting the man into the air.
"... bear my chi-AWK!!"
"Hello, Miroku."
Kagome stared at her fuming savior as he dumped Miroku on to the floor and slid into the seat said pervert had previously occupied, thankful she didn't have to take the guy out herself. Otherwise, the only other thought in her head was how he looked like he walked out of one of her mother's old 'Working Men' calendars.
Miroku's hand shot up into the air from his position on the floor, just visible above the table.
"The usual."
There was a thumbs-up and the sound of a scrambling body as Miroku headed for the kitchen. Kagome swallowed as Inuyasha directed his level, golden gaze at her.
"What the hell was so important that you had to call me at work?"
Kagome's salad and water appeared in front of her, compliments a la Miroku, only to have him scurry off to the back again. So much for that potential distraction. Shucky-darns.
"Um... Ah..." She tried to think fast, beginning to fell idiotic for causing this stupid encounter in the first place. Was it really that necessary to have brought this all upon herself? Why, God? Why?
Meanwhile, as she was drowning in her confusing thought circles that had somehow also included an end to world hunger, Inuyasha was trying to determine if she had suddenly gone brain dead by the way she had frozen and had zoned out. He waved his hand in front of her face. No response.
"Hello?"
Nope.
"Wench?"
Nothing.
"Kagome..."
Still no response.
It was only until Miroku brought Inuyasha's food that she snapped out of it. That and the fact that Miroku had invited himself to sit next to her, dangerously close.
At first, Inuyasha didn't notice. He was too busy attacking his burger and fries. It wasn't until he paused to take a gulp of his chocolate malt that he realized that Miroku was trying to actually feed a very reluctant Kagome.
"Here comes the airplane! Open up the hangar! Vrrrrrrrrrr...." Miroku moved the fork in circles, zooming towards the woman's firmly, clamped shut mouth, stopping just in front of her close lips. He smiled disarmingly as she glared at him. As Miroku nudged the bite of lettuce at her, Inuyasha scowled.
"Come now. This shouldn't be that hard. Open wide..."
Kagome glared at him harder. Miroku sighed.
"If I can't get you to eat, what makes you think I could get our future child to eat? I'm trying to prove I can be a good fath- URK!!"
He noticed a french fry had made it's home sliding down his cheek, leaving a trail of ketchup in it's wake. Grabbing at the projectile and wiping off his face with a napkin, he admonished the culprit.
"Really, Inuyasha. Was that necessary?"
"No," said man replied, dipping a fry into his malt and stuffing it in his mouth, "But it sure made me feel better." Miroku made a big show of pouting at him, and Kagome quickly reclaimed her fork from Miroku's clutches.
"Don't you have something to rearrange?"
Miroku glared darkly at the still chewing Inuyasha, "That was low."
Inuyasha shrugged, "Don't you have medication for that?"
"Screw you," Miroku muttered as he slid out of the booth and stormed away quietly. Kagome watched the exchange wide-eyed and confused. She had never seen anything like it. Inuyasha, however, just went back to his meal like nothing happened. She focused her attention on him, and thoughtfully watched him chew the bread and meat concoction.
"What was that all about?"
"Nothing."
"Right." She continued to study his eating habits and the fact that he refused to offer up any extra information for her info-hungry mind. She sighed. He looked up at her at the sound and scowled.
"Weren't you about to explain why you called me? My lunch break's almost over."
Once again, this sent Kagome into her spirals of self-doubt and loathing, but, hey, at least she answered...
"I wanted to apologize."
The reaction that she gained from Inuyasha, i.e. spewing his mouthful of water that he had been trying to take while she was building up her courage all over the table, was not exactly as...well... sanitary... As she would have liked it.
Inuyasha wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, "That's it?"
"Um... yeah?"
Well, this was a conundrum now wasn't it? He had to suffer through most of his morning just because she wanted to apologize? Feh. Could have been worse. Could have been raining.
"Whatever."
And with that extremely eloquent remark, Inuyasha rose from his seat, and left, without as so much as a backward glance. Leaving Kagome to puzzle over his answer, as well as the bill.
Somedays, you just can't win.