Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Itachi
Palm Pilot
I suppose everyone was left up in the dark about Itachi and his needs to kill everyone, but especially Neji, Naruto and Kiba. Itachi did mention something about coming back to kill them at some future date and we never actually touched on that. You know why? Because then they'd all be dead! It was close to impossible to logically end that whole series of Itachi pursuing everyone's deaths. But now, we believe we have found a way.
Itachi awoke from his slumber one bright Monday morn. He yawned, stretched and cricked his back. After scratching himself in a few inappropriate areas that are okay to scratch when one is alone, he reached for his palm pilot and looked up his schedule for the day.
9:00 AM- Go to the bank
11:00 AM- Spy on Sasuke
12:00- Meet Kisame for lunch
2:00 PM- Kill Sasuke's little friends
2:15 PM- Mow the lawn
3:00 PM- Pick up dry cleaning
Itachi sighed slightly. It was already eight thirty so he had to quickly get ready and get to the bank. So, after getting dressed and donning his flowery cloak, Itachi was off to the bank. He put in his ATM card and received the receipt that reminded him that he had absolutely no money in his account.
"Oh right…" Itachi said angrily. "I remember now. Sasuke's little friends used all my money!!" He took out his palm pilot again and looked at the schedule to find that he wasn't supposed to kill Sasuke's little friends until 2:00 so he had five hours to let the anger inside of him fester so he could smite them more efficiently.
When eleven rolled around, it was time for Itachi to spy on Sasuke to make sure he wasn't getting TOO awesome at being a ninja.
"Wouldn't want Sasuke to get strong enough to kill me…" Itachi said to himself as he hid in a bush and watched Sasuke train.
"Wait…" Sasuke said. "I think I'm having a revelation…"
"Uh oh." Said Itachi as he looked around for something he could use to distract Sasuke. Finally, he spotted a giant boulder sitting off to the side. He grabbed it and hurled it at Sasuke who had to dodge, collect himself and then figure out what could have possibly caused the boulder to just come out of nowhere like this. "That outta put off his revelation for a little while." Itachi said as he quickly ran away as Sasuke came over to investigate.
As he ran, he looked at his watch to see that it was almost noon. He was supposed to meet Kisame for lunch, but he didn't feel like it. So, instead, he decided to go home and take a little nap.
He curled up on the couch and fell asleep.
A little while later, Kisame came in the door and shook Itachi awake. "Itachi!" said Kisame. "Itachi, wake up?"
Itachi slowly woke up. "Oh." He said. "Hello Kisame."
"Hi Itachi." said Kisame. "I guess you fell asleep and accidentally slept through our luncheon again, right?"
"Um…yeah." Said Itachi as he picked up his palm pilot to see that it was already 2:10. He slapped his forehead and stood up straight. "When did it get to be…?! I'm going to be late! I have to go, Kisame. Maybe we can do dinner or something."
"Sure!" said Kisame cheerfully. Itachi ran out of the room so fast that it only took him approximately two minutes to reach Konoha Village. He happened to stumble by Naruto and Kiba who were hanging out with each other since they had realized that they were a lot more similar than they had originally thought and should explore friendship.
"GASP!!!" they gasped since that seems to be their only reaction whenever Itachi shows up.
"Let's make this quick, I'm on a tight schedule." Itachi said, looking at his watch to see it tick up to 2:13. "Where is everyone else I want to kill?"
"It'll take forever to round them back up again!" cried Naruto.
"Very well, at LEAST bring forth that white-eyed kid who suggested I try an alternative punishment!" Itachi said, tapping his foot.
"We wouldn't know where to find him." Said Kiba.
"You're lying!" said Itachi.
"No we're not!!" said Kiba and Naruto. "HONEST!!"
"If you don't bring him here in the next MINUTE, literally, then I will destroy this entire village!" Itachi threatened.
Kiba and Naruto swallowed hard as Itachi's watch clicked up to 2:14.
"Hey…" said Kiba out of the corner of his mouth. "It's me…Neji… I'm over here behind this tree…"
"Where?!" Itachi demanded, looking around.
"Behind this tree." Kiba repeated.
Itachi stomped over to a tree and looked behind it. "You're not here!" he said.
"Not that tree." Kiba said. "The other tree."
"I COMMAND you to show yourself!" Itachi said. "If you don't then I shall kill these two here!!"
Itachi pointed at Kiba and Naruto who winced. Itachi was just about to unleash his wrath when his palm pilot began to beep. He moaned and pulled it out of his pocket.
"Hm…time to mow the lawn." Itachi said. "We'll have to take a rain check on this killing thing."
He took the little pencil thing and tried to reschedule "Kill Sasuke's little friends" but got a little frustrated. "I wish Kisame would just teach me how to use this stupid thing." He sighed. "But if I don't reschedule it now then I'll forgot later. Do either of you know how to do this?"
"I do." Said Kiba, holding out his hand. Itachi handed the palm pilot to him and Kiba started tapping it in different places. "When do you want to schedule it for?"
"Tomorrow, same time." Itachi replied.
"Okay." Said Kiba as he tinkered with the palm pilot for a minute and then handed it back to Itachi.
"So…tomorrow this should remind me to kill you tomorrow at 2:15?" Itachi asked as he put it back in his pocket.
"Oh yes." Said Kiba. "No problem."
"Then I have to go." said Itachi. "I'll see you both tomorrow, same time, same place." With that, Itachi was gone.
"WHY did you do that?!" Naruto demanded, slapping Kiba upside the head.
"Hey, I didn't reschedule it!" said Kiba. "I deleted it all together! So now he has nothing to remind him of killing us!"
"Except his empty bank account!" Naruto pointed out.
"And whose fault is that?" Kiba said.
"Oh right!" laughed Naruto. "It's ours!!"
"HAW HAW HAW!!" chuckled Kiba and Naruto as they both winked and gave a thumbs up to the readers and then the screen froze.