August 1960
"Alice my beautiful girl, Hawkeye and I would like to go out tonight . . ."
"So you wanted to know if Roger and I could mind the kids, while Daniel's at work?" Alice finished with a grin.
"Yeah." I admitted sheepishly. Edna had headed west for a visit, so leaving the kids with her was impossible.
"Sure." Alice smiled. Her fiancé Roger was staying with us in the last two weeks of vacation, before they went back to college.
"You are a darling my girl." I learned over to kiss her as my youngest three ran in. Danny hurled himself at my legs and asked me something in babble. Lydia hugged me too, but let Jess do the talking.
"Mummy, Cathie says we can go play with her if you say so." Jess said. "And Ben and Lyss and April too." She added smiling at me pleadingly. I glanced outside, Cathie, and her two children were waiting with my older three.
"Scoot, just make sure you hold hands when you cross the road, and don't be a nuisance!" I put Jess's hat on, and tied Lydia's shoes before sending them on their way. "Be back for lunch!" I called. Cathie nodded as she and the troupe headed towards the nearest park.
"Hawkeye, we're going out, Alice and Roger are going to mind the kids!" I took hold of my husband as soon as he got in the door and kissed him.
"Great!" He kissed me back as he dropped his bag by the door.
"I know, it's great!" I laughed and led Hawkeye in. Alice had already started her babysitting duties, getting the kids' dinner. She loved caring for children, and I suspected would eventually give me many nieces and nephews.
"Alice you're an angel!" I smiled. Roger had Danny on his knee, while Danny shovelled as much food in as he could with both fists. Roger didn't mind that Danny was spilling food all over his, Roger's not Danny's clothes.
"Annie can I talk to you? Roger dear, watch the kids please." Alice led me into Dad's study and I perched on the desk. "You see Annie, there's something really important I want to talk to you about, and I suppose I should talk to Mum, or even Dad, but you're my big sister and you've been there and everything, and well. . ." She trailed off.
"Honey, what is it?" I smiled softly, already figuring there was one thing that would make Alice this nervous.
"Roger and I, we've never, you know, had sex, and we want to, but he has a single bed at home and you can't get the space at college, and I was wondering, would you care if we . . . tonight?" Alice blushed and dropped her eyes.
"Oh, Alice!" She and Roger had moved to the spare room when Margaret had gone back to Fort Wayne. "I don't mind, that is if you get the kids to sleep. Have you, or he ever. . . ?" I didn't get to finish when Alice answered me.
"No, I haven't. Neither has Roger. What's it like, your first time?" I thought back to a day a long time, almost ten years, before. Slow, careful touches, trying to prevent freezing in the December air, whispered endearments, and finally a sweet, painful pleasure, that I would remember always.
"Amazing, you will have a good time honey. I don't mind what you do." I kissed her. She hugged me thankfully and I went upstairs to dress.
"Hawkeye, come in here!" I was standing in the bathroom, having just got out of the shower and had noticed something as I stood, wrapped in a towel.
"Yeah baby, what is it?" He came in, and looked puzzled as I stood there, the towel wrapped around my frame.
"This." Without warning I let go of the towel and it fell to the floor Hawkeye's eyes visibly widened.
"Honey, there's heaps of time later on tonight for that. . ." He trailed off weakly.
"You silly, I mean, look at this, at me." I motioned to my figure. Hawkeye looked confused but approving. "It's me again, the not-pregnant me. The controlled emotions, regular periods, non-leaking breasts me. It's great!"
"It's a beautiful you." Hawkeye agreed. I was finally the tiny, skinny me again, bigger hips and breasts than before, but the previously slim, muscular figure I had loved in Korea before I was pregnant was mine again.
"I can't believe it, and look at my arms, who would've guessed that lifting the kids so often could give me such nice muscles? I'm me again, I love it." I smiled, beside myself.
"We'll celebrate later okay? But we'd better hurry up if we're going to go." It wasn't anything big, just getting takeout in Portland and eating on the beach, but we wanted the time for us. We had a far easier time getting 'our' time than most couples, simply because we lived with Dad and Edna, most people didn't live in the same house as their parents, let alone the same city.
"Goodnight Mate." Danny was going to bed at the same time we left, while the others were following half an hour or so later, and we were kissing them all goodnight. Danny hugged my neck, and he kissed me sleepily.
"Come on," Hawkeye urged gently.
"Okay Ben dearest, thankyou Alice, if they get sick, call Dad at work. Oh, and if you and Roger are planning what we talked about, you'll find what you need in the desk in our study." I gave her a knowing look and smiled. Roger looked confused, but Alice understood and with a thankful grin, closed the door behind us.
Hawkeye and I had a very nice night, it was our special time, letting us be us and not worry about our six little darlings. We loved our kids, no two ways about that, but sometimes we needed adult time, to be adults.
We returned home to very suspicious giggling from the spare room, and we left them well alone, not wanting to disturb them. So we tiptoed upstairs and checked on the kids, who thanks to my brilliant sister were sound asleep.
Lydia was first, and I crept into the room, Lydia was tucked in bed sleeping beneath the green print blanket, Jade, her teddy watching over her. Her colour preference had changed from red to green and it was all over her room, pale green walls, cream curtains with emerald trim, even the carpet was a dark emerald green, while her blankets, sheets, pillowslips, and cushion on her chair were green too, and the furniture was a complimenting cream.
"Sweet dreams Little One." Hawkeye had joined me and kissed his sleeping daughter, while I opened the window and let the sea air cool the room. We continued down the hall and into Danny's room. There was a light on and while Hawkeye checked on our boy, I turned it off, exchanging it for the dimmer night-light.
Danny lay asleep in the white cot, wearing only his diaper and out like a light. His precious teddy, Felix clasped in a chubby arm. He still slept in the nursery, so there was nothing special about the white walls with the mother-goose wallpaper trim. The carpet was white and ruffled lace curtains were blowing in the breeze. It was truly the vision of a nursery, with a change table, and rocking chair, all in soft, pretty baby shades.
We moved on to Ben's room. His room was blue, powder blue walls, with a ball and bat pattern painted by Alice around the ceiling, navy carpet and a dark wooden bed, a light blue bedspread, with ships on it. The rest of the furniture was the same dark wood, including the wardrobe. Though he no longer slept with him, Harold, his special teddy was not far away, sitting in his special place, under the window. Our eldest son was sound asleep, and so, after opening the window, moving the navy curtains to do so, Hawkeye and I went up to the third floor.
There was a fourth bedroom on the 2nd floor, it was empty, but we planned to move Danny into it when he got a big bed and have the nursery empty. Our elder daughters slept upstairs, which we had made into smaller rooms. We had also put in a bathroom, so all up we had five bathrooms, which created less, but still too many traffic jams.
Felicity probably had one of the nicest rooms. Peach walls and cream carpet, white curtains with tiny peach daisies all over them, it had a big window that faced west and seemed to glow in the setting sun. She was asleep in her white wicker bed, and didn't even wake when Hawkeye, and then I stubbed our toes noisily on it. I straightened up the heavy cotton bedspread that was the same shade as the walls. Except for her wardrobe and dressing table, all her furniture, chair, toy box, and bedside table were white wicker.
"Where's Otis?" Hawkeye whispered. Felicity's teddy that rarely left the bed was missing and a brief search found him under her bed. Smiling, as Felicity took a hold of him without even waking, we moved onto Jess's room.
Jess's room was purple. She loved purple, the carpet was a dark rich purple, the walls a soft lilac, her bedspread purple and white gingham checked. Bluey, her favourite teddy wore a purple vest as he lay on her pillow, the red-gold of her hair curling over the pillowslip and covering his face. Her room looked south, and on her windowsill, we'd put a planter box of violets.
Jess hadn't chosen the colours for her room, actually none of them had. Hawkeye or I had picked the colours, according to what our children seemed to like the best. Danny's room we'd probably leave with the beige walls and carpet, the original colour scheme. Danny had no colour preference yet, liking simple, solid things, so we thought a plain room with a few special objects would suit him. Although all the children were happy with their rooms, we would repaint them if they wanted that, especially Ben in his particularly little-boy room.
April was last, in her sunny yellow room that, like Felicity's faced west. In the half-light I stubbed my toes on the pine dresser that Charles had brought and sat down, in the overstuffed armchair that had appeared from somewhere. No one quite knew where it had come from, but the rust-coloured chair with the sunshine yellow cushions was quite welcome to stay where it was. Hawkeye meanwhile had pushed away the lacy mosquito net and tucked April in some more. Toby, her precious teddy was tucked in too.
"You okay?" Hawkeye asked as he turned off the lamp beside April's bed.
"Fine." I replied, as Hawkeye opened her window. The room was unpleasantly stuffy in the late summer night. He padded back across the yellow carpet, the curtains with the bright sunflower print settling back into place.
"Come on, up and at em." Hawkeye pulled me to my feet, and then picked me up. I cuddled into his arms and he carried me down to bed. We snuggled in warmly, and after some teasing decided we had better get supplies from the study before things got too heated. None of the kids were allowed in Dad's study and the same rule applied for Hawkeye's and my study, and that was why we kept things they weren't supposed to touch, like condoms, there.
"Babes, there's none here." Hawkeye called. I realised then where they'd be.
"Alice has them." I said. "She and Roger were going to pop the cork if you will, and I told her she'd find what she needed up here. I can go down and get them if you want."
"Are you sure? They won't like being disturbed." Hawkeye had crawled back into bed.
"Well, do you think you can get out before you loose it?" I queried shifting onto my back a little.
"Are you crazy? That feeling I get when you go over, I'll be damned if it doesn't send me all the way to the edge of insanity with you." He was making the most of my exposed stomach, rubbing it with one hand, sending shivers through my whole body.
"Thankyou darling. I'll go down and get them." I chose to take his last comment as a complement.
"My love, come on, what are the odds you'll get pregnant?" He pulled me down a little firmer and kissed me.
"What are the odds I won't? Listen, Ben, darling, I love you very much, and when Danny is a little older, in maybe a year or so, I will want another baby. But I don't want one yet. Now let me go." I got out of bed and retrieved them from Alice without any worry and Hawkeye and I had a lot of fun.
"Bye Aunty Alice, I'll miss you." Felicity hugged her aunt tightly. Alice and Roger were returning to school, and we were seeing them off at Portland airport. We saw them off and returned home. In a few days the twins were starting first grade and April was going to kindy, so everything was in a reasonable panic.
"Charlie, hi!" I opened the door. It was the night before April started school, so Charles had come up to see his daughter off. Although he wanted her to attend a prestigious school in Boston, I had laid down the law and said that no child of mine was going to be that far away when they were so young, regardless of importance, or social status. He agreed, but said that when she was older, she could if she wanted, live in Boston and attend the school.
"Need a hand?" I had Danny on my hip, someone's dinner in my hand, and Jess trailing at my heels sobbing. I didn't want to think about her first day and the inevitable tears.
"No, thankyou Charlie." I smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek. "Don't argue with me, I know you're not the domestic type." I retorted when he began to insist. "Come on in." I turned around, and went through the hall and into the kitchen, paying no attention whatsoever to Jess who still trailed after me, crying.
"How've you been?" I asked, putting Danny in his highchair and setting the bowl of food I carried in front of Lydia. I still ignored Jess, she was making a fuss about simply missing her grandfather who was at work, and I hoped she'd wear herself out, as there was nothing I could do about it.
"I've been very well Annie. Tea thankyou." He responded to my query. Jess still cried as she followed me around.
"April is outside if you want to say hi to her. She doesn't know you're coming yet, it's a surprise." I explained, setting a cup of tea before Charles. "Hold on Mate, your dinner is coming."
"Can I help with Jess?" Charles asked anxiously. My daughter was still walking around after me crying.
"She's just throwing a tantrum." I sighed. "I'll deal with it in a minute." I gave Danny his dinner and a bottle and left him to feed himself. He shovelled food in with both fists and spread it over his face. I set three more plates of food down, for my older kids, and hollered out the window that it was dinnertime.
"Hawkeye and Daniel will be back at 8, we'll eat then, I hope you don't mind waiting." I said, as Ben, Felicity and April ran inside. Charles barely had time to reply before April spotted her much-loved father.
"Daddy!" A mass of brown curls hurled itself at Charles. April knew that Charles was her father, and that Hawkeye was everyone else's. She didn't ask questions yet, but we had series of planned answers for the barrage of questions we thought would come when she started school.
"April, you're more beautiful everyday!" Charles embraced his only child with love. It was a joy to see them together; I loved watching how much the seemingly unfeeling, pompous Charles Emerson Winchester III plainly adored his daughter.
"I missed you Daddy, I missed you all this much!" She spread her arms, stuttering on every other word. Emotion triggered her stuttering, anger, sadness, weariness, fear or excitement increasing the frequency of extra syllables.
"I missed you too Angel-eyes. I believe your gastronomically inclined mother has prepared you a repast fit for a queen. So how about you take yourself to the plate of closest proximity to myself and test out her culinary skills?"
"You talk funny Daddy!" April giggled. "What do you mean?"
"He means sit down and eat your dinner Angel-face." I explained, kissing her on the head as I got Lydia a drink.
"Yes Mummy, is Daddy staying tonight?" April climbed into Charles's lap and pulled her plate to her.
"Yes he is my darling, and tomorrow night as well." I replied, turning now to Jess and kneeling before my sobbing child. I gathered her close. It was clear this storm wasn't going to blow itself out.
"What's the problem my Baby? Oh, shh, shh, shh, it's not that bad is it?" I crooned nonsensically, picking her up in one arm and redirecting the nipple of Danny's bottle to his mouth and away from Lydia's face.
"Mum, can I have some juice please?" Ben asked sweetly as I wiped milk off Lydia's pretty chin.
"In a second Sport, I just need to quiet Jess down a bit." I sat down and settled Jessica on my lap. Fortunately, like the darling he was, my eldest son smiled amiably and agreed to wait.
"I miss Grandpa, why he work?" Jess sobbed, I rocked my daughter gently. I loved her very much, just like I loved all of my children, but for some reason I felt I had to protect Jess more because of her resemblance to Katharine.
"Oh my Baby Jess, Grandpa has to work. He loves you a lot my darling child, and when he works, he gets money, and do you know why he gets money Baby?" She shook her head, tearstained cheeks flushed.
"No why?" She asked.
"Because my special girl, he buys things with money. He bought you that hair ribbon, with money he got for working." I tugged on the mauve ribbon loosely binding the mass of strawberry-blonde curls.
"Really?" She looked up, her eyes the colour of seawater, still teary and ready to burst at the slightest provocation.
"Really! I would never lie to you." I said. "Will you sit down and eat, so I can get Benny-boy some juice?"
"Can I have some too?" She asked. I agreed, and finally, peace reigned.
Later, Hawkeye, Charles, Edna and I sat on the back porch. Hawkeye, Daniel Edna and I shared the back porch swing, a beautiful one that Hawkeye and Daniel had built, and Charles relaxed in a chair nearby. The backyard faced east and just beyond the wooden back fence, was a sloping hill, leading straight to the beach and we could heard the waves crashing on the shoreline as the tide came in, bringing back the late fishing boats.
"She misses you terribly Dad, she cried for fifteen minutes non-stop." I said, leaning comfortably into Hawkeye's chest, hearing his heartbeat.
"I shouldn't have held her for so long when she was born should I?" Daniel asked. He sometimes felt guilty about how close Jess was to him, and how much of a fuss she sometimes made to get away from me to be with him.
"Don't you ever say that Dad! You delivered her, and you had every right to hold her. I'm not surprised she made that bond with you, I think I was too out of things anyway to make that connection. Besides, it's Katharine's way of letting you know that she's still alive."
"I wish I had been there for April's birth." Charles spoke up. "I would have given anything to deliver my daughter, to be the one to hold her, to congratulate her mother, my wife." In the evening, Charles often got quiet and wishful, remembering what he had with me, what could have been, and what plainly wasn't ever going to be again.
"I wish you had been there too Charlie dear. I doubt it would have changed things between us, but I wish you had been there to see April when she was born. There is nothing like holding your newborn when they are a minute old." I still called him 'Charlie dear', and he still called me Annie, it was the only friendship he had with anyone that had no barriers, no walls and no reservations.
"Charles, this is rather personal but I've come to think that Annie became another Martine didn't she?" Tears shone in Charles's eyes at the thought of the only other woman he had ever loved as much as me.
"Martine?" Daniel queried at Hawkeye's statement that had obviously struck a tender chord with Charles.
"Part of the French Red-Cross, beautiful woman." Charles sounded choked up. "We became very close. But my family could never accept her bohemian ways." A tear trickled down my cheek, I knew the pain Martine had been through, and the pain she had been spared from his family when Charles turned her away. "I was prepared to take the chance with Annie though, I thought perhaps she would be, well considered suitable." He finished sadly.
"Oh that's awful, having to marry according to your family and not out of love." Edna said.
"I proposed to Annie out of love." Charles whispered. "I followed my heart not my head." There was an awkward silence, in which no one said anything, not sure how to respond to Charles. Thankfully, Dad broke the silence.
"I'm off to bed, goodnight all." Dad stood up. "Sweet dreams kids." He called over his shoulder.
"I might go too, I'm real tired. Sleep tight guys." Edna followed her husband in. We could plainly hear their voices, laughing and talking affectionately, followed by their footsteps towards their room.
"That wasn't very subtle." Charles commented. Hawkeye and I laughed. Dad and Edna loved each other very much, but we didn't know, or didn't want to know as it were, whether or not they still had sex, but if they were happy doing whatever it was they did, we didn't care.
"I'm going to bed." Hawkeye said suddenly.
"Don't even think about it. Not only do we have a guest and we don't want to interrupt their sleep with the inevitable noise one or the other of us will make, but Jess is asleep in our bed, and it is not the greatest time of the month for that activity." I laughed, pushing an amorous Hawkeye away.
"I'm going too, I presume April is still there?" April had insisted on sleeping with her father.
"No reason she shouldn't be." I replied. "I think it's a good time to get to bed. The day starts at 6am folks."
"Ahhh the joys of parenthood." Hawkeye said masking his voice so well I couldn't tell whether or not it was sarcastic. We all went to bed then, trying to get enough sleep to be properly prepared for April's first day.
I woke in the morning, and saw that there was a fair-skinned girl curled against my body, her strawberry-blonde curls messily spread over the sheet. I was facing away from Hawkeye, but I knew he was still asleep, his foot resting against my ankle as he slept. The door opened a crack and I heard someone tiptoe in.
"Mummy wake up I'm going to school!" It was my little April, stuttering with joy.
"Yes Mummy, wake up, our daughter's going to school." Charles echoed, coming into the room. Hawkeye muttered a threat or two as April climbed onto the bed and squirmed under the blankets.
"Mummy, Mummy, get out of bed, why can you sleep? I got to go to school!"
"Yes Mummy how can you lie there asleep?" Charles chided gently with a warm smile in his voice. "April has school you know." Jess woke up then, and I had to too, for my baby daughter, though four, and with a younger brother and sister, she was still my baby, had begun to play with my eyelids and pat my cheeks
"Oh, Baby doll, come here." I pulled her close for a cuddle before getting up and poking Hawkeye. April had begun to work on him, pulling his ears, while he pretended to growl like a dog. Finally he 'attacked' her pulling her beneath the blankets while she screamed with laughter.
"Right!" I hollered, seeing that I was the one left with making up the bed. "Everyone out!" Sheepishly Hawkeye and April emerged from beneath the covers.
"April, it's about time you had a shower, Charles do you want to do the honours?"
"Of course." He led his daughter downstairs towards his bathroom. I went upstairs and assisted Felicity, while I heard Hawkeye, Ben, and Danny busying themselves in our en suite, Lydia and Edna in the other second- floor bathroom and Dad and Jess in his en suite.
Some minutes later six beautifully clean children met for breakfast, while five not-so-clean adults, still wearing pyjamas took it turns of cooking and showering. Sure life was full on but I loved it.
"I can't believe our little girl is growing up." Charles said, standing next to me, as I rinsed plates in the sink.
"She's got a long way to go yet." I stated wisely. "There are so many more first times to come, like her first day of high school, her first dance, her first kiss, there are so many firsts I can't count them all."
"All of which I hope to be there for" Charles smiled. He put his arm around my waist and I cuddled into him a little, watching as April struggled with her laces while she sat on the back step.
"Alright you two, no need to get too cosy!" Hawkeye announced his arrival noisily, startling us a little as we were still watching April's now triumphant battle with her laces.
"Come and see." I beckoned to Hawkeye, and he joined Charles and I at the window as April tied her other shoe and stood up proudly.
"I did it, Daddy, Mummy, I did up my shoes!" April ran into the house beaming. Charles and I fell to our knees beside her, laughing and hugging her proudly.
"I'm so proud of you Angel!"
"That's Daddy's little girl, isn't she wonderful?" Charles stated proudly, clasping both of us in a tight hug.
"She's Mummy's little girl too, and you admitted to me that you couldn't tie your laces till you were 8, it must be my genes." I retorted, kissing April's pretty face.
"Very well, Annie darling, we'll let Mummy have her little delusions won't we my Angel?" Charles smirked, and kissed me on the temple. I laughed and kissed Charles on the cheek. At that point Hawkeye cleared his throat.
"I have to leave for work now honey." His smile was slightly steely.
"Okay, everyone, it's time to say goodbye to Daddy and Grandpa, because they're going to work!" I announced, and the other five, kids, Lydia and Danny being carried, emerged from various parts of the house.
"Bye Dad, yes, I'll stop by and bring you lunch, of course on rye." I kissed the older man's face gently. After having the heart attack, I hated him going to work, but couldn't help it.
"Annie, can I have a word with you before I leave?" Hawkeye asked a little coldly, but I decided to play it by ear, responding cheerfully.
"Sure Ben dear, one second. April, Ben Felicity, wait in the living room. Don't turn the Television on. Jess honey, could you Lyddie and Danny go upstairs? Charles, I'll be back in a minute." Hawkeye and I stepped into the hall.
"What's up with you and Charles today?" I was leaning against the wall as Hawkeye paced in front of me.
"What?" I jumped at the rather harsh tone and surprising query.
"I don't know if I should leave you alone when you and him are like that."
"Like what?" I demanded, there had been nothing overly odd about our behaviour this morning.
"Kissing each other like that, the way you fawned all over each other when April tied her shoe."
"Do you remember how you and I celebrated when Ben tied his shoe the first time?" We'd had sex the same night.
"But you're married, Charles has no right to kiss you."
"Hawkeye, BJ kisses me on the lips, and you don't even worry about that, I'm pretty sure that you and Peggy kiss each other lip-to-lip and neither BJ nor I make a fuss, and you're worried about the father of my daughter, who is merely excited because it is her first day at school?"
"When you put it that way it does seem stupid." Hawkeye admitted a smile forming slowly on his face, almost an invitation to me to smile as well. I accepted it, a beam forming gently on my lips.
"You silly," I said sounding choked up, "There's no one in this world I love more than you. There is also no one in the world I'd rather kiss right now." He took the hint and when Daniel appeared in the hall it took a while before we noticed him.
"Okay guys, say goodbye to Ma now and we'll walk to school." Charles and I escorted the three elder children out the door.
"After dropping the twins off at their classroom, I joined Charles and April outside the kindergarten room where Miss K was cheerfully introducing herself to a small boy who looked terrified. April bravely went in without even arguing and Charles and I walked back.
"What did Hawkeye want, that is if you don't feel it is too private?" Charles asked quietly as we got into the house. I could hear my youngest three playing upstairs with Edna.
"He was just a little concerned, we were a bit more all over each other than normal. Nothing big, he understands."
"I'm terribly sorry Annie. I had no idea. . ."
"Shut up, it was nothing big merely a misunderstanding, we've made up." I silenced him instantly.
"I'm thrilled to hear that." Charles responded sincerely. I smiled and we went upstairs where we played with Lyddie, Jess and Danny till lunch, after which I had to put in a shift at the hospital so Charles had to get April.
The rest of the day went off peacefully. My shift was quiet, April loved school, the twins loved their grade one teacher Mrs Tillman, Lydia and Danny slept full naps, Jess managed a whole day without tears, Edna cooked a fabulous dinner, and Hawkeye and Daniel returned in good moods, having told no less than five women between them that they were expecting. As I sat listening to everyone's stories and I told my own, I realised how busy and full on my life was. However, I couldn't have cared less. I adored it.
"Alice my beautiful girl, Hawkeye and I would like to go out tonight . . ."
"So you wanted to know if Roger and I could mind the kids, while Daniel's at work?" Alice finished with a grin.
"Yeah." I admitted sheepishly. Edna had headed west for a visit, so leaving the kids with her was impossible.
"Sure." Alice smiled. Her fiancé Roger was staying with us in the last two weeks of vacation, before they went back to college.
"You are a darling my girl." I learned over to kiss her as my youngest three ran in. Danny hurled himself at my legs and asked me something in babble. Lydia hugged me too, but let Jess do the talking.
"Mummy, Cathie says we can go play with her if you say so." Jess said. "And Ben and Lyss and April too." She added smiling at me pleadingly. I glanced outside, Cathie, and her two children were waiting with my older three.
"Scoot, just make sure you hold hands when you cross the road, and don't be a nuisance!" I put Jess's hat on, and tied Lydia's shoes before sending them on their way. "Be back for lunch!" I called. Cathie nodded as she and the troupe headed towards the nearest park.
"Hawkeye, we're going out, Alice and Roger are going to mind the kids!" I took hold of my husband as soon as he got in the door and kissed him.
"Great!" He kissed me back as he dropped his bag by the door.
"I know, it's great!" I laughed and led Hawkeye in. Alice had already started her babysitting duties, getting the kids' dinner. She loved caring for children, and I suspected would eventually give me many nieces and nephews.
"Alice you're an angel!" I smiled. Roger had Danny on his knee, while Danny shovelled as much food in as he could with both fists. Roger didn't mind that Danny was spilling food all over his, Roger's not Danny's clothes.
"Annie can I talk to you? Roger dear, watch the kids please." Alice led me into Dad's study and I perched on the desk. "You see Annie, there's something really important I want to talk to you about, and I suppose I should talk to Mum, or even Dad, but you're my big sister and you've been there and everything, and well. . ." She trailed off.
"Honey, what is it?" I smiled softly, already figuring there was one thing that would make Alice this nervous.
"Roger and I, we've never, you know, had sex, and we want to, but he has a single bed at home and you can't get the space at college, and I was wondering, would you care if we . . . tonight?" Alice blushed and dropped her eyes.
"Oh, Alice!" She and Roger had moved to the spare room when Margaret had gone back to Fort Wayne. "I don't mind, that is if you get the kids to sleep. Have you, or he ever. . . ?" I didn't get to finish when Alice answered me.
"No, I haven't. Neither has Roger. What's it like, your first time?" I thought back to a day a long time, almost ten years, before. Slow, careful touches, trying to prevent freezing in the December air, whispered endearments, and finally a sweet, painful pleasure, that I would remember always.
"Amazing, you will have a good time honey. I don't mind what you do." I kissed her. She hugged me thankfully and I went upstairs to dress.
"Hawkeye, come in here!" I was standing in the bathroom, having just got out of the shower and had noticed something as I stood, wrapped in a towel.
"Yeah baby, what is it?" He came in, and looked puzzled as I stood there, the towel wrapped around my frame.
"This." Without warning I let go of the towel and it fell to the floor Hawkeye's eyes visibly widened.
"Honey, there's heaps of time later on tonight for that. . ." He trailed off weakly.
"You silly, I mean, look at this, at me." I motioned to my figure. Hawkeye looked confused but approving. "It's me again, the not-pregnant me. The controlled emotions, regular periods, non-leaking breasts me. It's great!"
"It's a beautiful you." Hawkeye agreed. I was finally the tiny, skinny me again, bigger hips and breasts than before, but the previously slim, muscular figure I had loved in Korea before I was pregnant was mine again.
"I can't believe it, and look at my arms, who would've guessed that lifting the kids so often could give me such nice muscles? I'm me again, I love it." I smiled, beside myself.
"We'll celebrate later okay? But we'd better hurry up if we're going to go." It wasn't anything big, just getting takeout in Portland and eating on the beach, but we wanted the time for us. We had a far easier time getting 'our' time than most couples, simply because we lived with Dad and Edna, most people didn't live in the same house as their parents, let alone the same city.
"Goodnight Mate." Danny was going to bed at the same time we left, while the others were following half an hour or so later, and we were kissing them all goodnight. Danny hugged my neck, and he kissed me sleepily.
"Come on," Hawkeye urged gently.
"Okay Ben dearest, thankyou Alice, if they get sick, call Dad at work. Oh, and if you and Roger are planning what we talked about, you'll find what you need in the desk in our study." I gave her a knowing look and smiled. Roger looked confused, but Alice understood and with a thankful grin, closed the door behind us.
Hawkeye and I had a very nice night, it was our special time, letting us be us and not worry about our six little darlings. We loved our kids, no two ways about that, but sometimes we needed adult time, to be adults.
We returned home to very suspicious giggling from the spare room, and we left them well alone, not wanting to disturb them. So we tiptoed upstairs and checked on the kids, who thanks to my brilliant sister were sound asleep.
Lydia was first, and I crept into the room, Lydia was tucked in bed sleeping beneath the green print blanket, Jade, her teddy watching over her. Her colour preference had changed from red to green and it was all over her room, pale green walls, cream curtains with emerald trim, even the carpet was a dark emerald green, while her blankets, sheets, pillowslips, and cushion on her chair were green too, and the furniture was a complimenting cream.
"Sweet dreams Little One." Hawkeye had joined me and kissed his sleeping daughter, while I opened the window and let the sea air cool the room. We continued down the hall and into Danny's room. There was a light on and while Hawkeye checked on our boy, I turned it off, exchanging it for the dimmer night-light.
Danny lay asleep in the white cot, wearing only his diaper and out like a light. His precious teddy, Felix clasped in a chubby arm. He still slept in the nursery, so there was nothing special about the white walls with the mother-goose wallpaper trim. The carpet was white and ruffled lace curtains were blowing in the breeze. It was truly the vision of a nursery, with a change table, and rocking chair, all in soft, pretty baby shades.
We moved on to Ben's room. His room was blue, powder blue walls, with a ball and bat pattern painted by Alice around the ceiling, navy carpet and a dark wooden bed, a light blue bedspread, with ships on it. The rest of the furniture was the same dark wood, including the wardrobe. Though he no longer slept with him, Harold, his special teddy was not far away, sitting in his special place, under the window. Our eldest son was sound asleep, and so, after opening the window, moving the navy curtains to do so, Hawkeye and I went up to the third floor.
There was a fourth bedroom on the 2nd floor, it was empty, but we planned to move Danny into it when he got a big bed and have the nursery empty. Our elder daughters slept upstairs, which we had made into smaller rooms. We had also put in a bathroom, so all up we had five bathrooms, which created less, but still too many traffic jams.
Felicity probably had one of the nicest rooms. Peach walls and cream carpet, white curtains with tiny peach daisies all over them, it had a big window that faced west and seemed to glow in the setting sun. She was asleep in her white wicker bed, and didn't even wake when Hawkeye, and then I stubbed our toes noisily on it. I straightened up the heavy cotton bedspread that was the same shade as the walls. Except for her wardrobe and dressing table, all her furniture, chair, toy box, and bedside table were white wicker.
"Where's Otis?" Hawkeye whispered. Felicity's teddy that rarely left the bed was missing and a brief search found him under her bed. Smiling, as Felicity took a hold of him without even waking, we moved onto Jess's room.
Jess's room was purple. She loved purple, the carpet was a dark rich purple, the walls a soft lilac, her bedspread purple and white gingham checked. Bluey, her favourite teddy wore a purple vest as he lay on her pillow, the red-gold of her hair curling over the pillowslip and covering his face. Her room looked south, and on her windowsill, we'd put a planter box of violets.
Jess hadn't chosen the colours for her room, actually none of them had. Hawkeye or I had picked the colours, according to what our children seemed to like the best. Danny's room we'd probably leave with the beige walls and carpet, the original colour scheme. Danny had no colour preference yet, liking simple, solid things, so we thought a plain room with a few special objects would suit him. Although all the children were happy with their rooms, we would repaint them if they wanted that, especially Ben in his particularly little-boy room.
April was last, in her sunny yellow room that, like Felicity's faced west. In the half-light I stubbed my toes on the pine dresser that Charles had brought and sat down, in the overstuffed armchair that had appeared from somewhere. No one quite knew where it had come from, but the rust-coloured chair with the sunshine yellow cushions was quite welcome to stay where it was. Hawkeye meanwhile had pushed away the lacy mosquito net and tucked April in some more. Toby, her precious teddy was tucked in too.
"You okay?" Hawkeye asked as he turned off the lamp beside April's bed.
"Fine." I replied, as Hawkeye opened her window. The room was unpleasantly stuffy in the late summer night. He padded back across the yellow carpet, the curtains with the bright sunflower print settling back into place.
"Come on, up and at em." Hawkeye pulled me to my feet, and then picked me up. I cuddled into his arms and he carried me down to bed. We snuggled in warmly, and after some teasing decided we had better get supplies from the study before things got too heated. None of the kids were allowed in Dad's study and the same rule applied for Hawkeye's and my study, and that was why we kept things they weren't supposed to touch, like condoms, there.
"Babes, there's none here." Hawkeye called. I realised then where they'd be.
"Alice has them." I said. "She and Roger were going to pop the cork if you will, and I told her she'd find what she needed up here. I can go down and get them if you want."
"Are you sure? They won't like being disturbed." Hawkeye had crawled back into bed.
"Well, do you think you can get out before you loose it?" I queried shifting onto my back a little.
"Are you crazy? That feeling I get when you go over, I'll be damned if it doesn't send me all the way to the edge of insanity with you." He was making the most of my exposed stomach, rubbing it with one hand, sending shivers through my whole body.
"Thankyou darling. I'll go down and get them." I chose to take his last comment as a complement.
"My love, come on, what are the odds you'll get pregnant?" He pulled me down a little firmer and kissed me.
"What are the odds I won't? Listen, Ben, darling, I love you very much, and when Danny is a little older, in maybe a year or so, I will want another baby. But I don't want one yet. Now let me go." I got out of bed and retrieved them from Alice without any worry and Hawkeye and I had a lot of fun.
"Bye Aunty Alice, I'll miss you." Felicity hugged her aunt tightly. Alice and Roger were returning to school, and we were seeing them off at Portland airport. We saw them off and returned home. In a few days the twins were starting first grade and April was going to kindy, so everything was in a reasonable panic.
"Charlie, hi!" I opened the door. It was the night before April started school, so Charles had come up to see his daughter off. Although he wanted her to attend a prestigious school in Boston, I had laid down the law and said that no child of mine was going to be that far away when they were so young, regardless of importance, or social status. He agreed, but said that when she was older, she could if she wanted, live in Boston and attend the school.
"Need a hand?" I had Danny on my hip, someone's dinner in my hand, and Jess trailing at my heels sobbing. I didn't want to think about her first day and the inevitable tears.
"No, thankyou Charlie." I smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek. "Don't argue with me, I know you're not the domestic type." I retorted when he began to insist. "Come on in." I turned around, and went through the hall and into the kitchen, paying no attention whatsoever to Jess who still trailed after me, crying.
"How've you been?" I asked, putting Danny in his highchair and setting the bowl of food I carried in front of Lydia. I still ignored Jess, she was making a fuss about simply missing her grandfather who was at work, and I hoped she'd wear herself out, as there was nothing I could do about it.
"I've been very well Annie. Tea thankyou." He responded to my query. Jess still cried as she followed me around.
"April is outside if you want to say hi to her. She doesn't know you're coming yet, it's a surprise." I explained, setting a cup of tea before Charles. "Hold on Mate, your dinner is coming."
"Can I help with Jess?" Charles asked anxiously. My daughter was still walking around after me crying.
"She's just throwing a tantrum." I sighed. "I'll deal with it in a minute." I gave Danny his dinner and a bottle and left him to feed himself. He shovelled food in with both fists and spread it over his face. I set three more plates of food down, for my older kids, and hollered out the window that it was dinnertime.
"Hawkeye and Daniel will be back at 8, we'll eat then, I hope you don't mind waiting." I said, as Ben, Felicity and April ran inside. Charles barely had time to reply before April spotted her much-loved father.
"Daddy!" A mass of brown curls hurled itself at Charles. April knew that Charles was her father, and that Hawkeye was everyone else's. She didn't ask questions yet, but we had series of planned answers for the barrage of questions we thought would come when she started school.
"April, you're more beautiful everyday!" Charles embraced his only child with love. It was a joy to see them together; I loved watching how much the seemingly unfeeling, pompous Charles Emerson Winchester III plainly adored his daughter.
"I missed you Daddy, I missed you all this much!" She spread her arms, stuttering on every other word. Emotion triggered her stuttering, anger, sadness, weariness, fear or excitement increasing the frequency of extra syllables.
"I missed you too Angel-eyes. I believe your gastronomically inclined mother has prepared you a repast fit for a queen. So how about you take yourself to the plate of closest proximity to myself and test out her culinary skills?"
"You talk funny Daddy!" April giggled. "What do you mean?"
"He means sit down and eat your dinner Angel-face." I explained, kissing her on the head as I got Lydia a drink.
"Yes Mummy, is Daddy staying tonight?" April climbed into Charles's lap and pulled her plate to her.
"Yes he is my darling, and tomorrow night as well." I replied, turning now to Jess and kneeling before my sobbing child. I gathered her close. It was clear this storm wasn't going to blow itself out.
"What's the problem my Baby? Oh, shh, shh, shh, it's not that bad is it?" I crooned nonsensically, picking her up in one arm and redirecting the nipple of Danny's bottle to his mouth and away from Lydia's face.
"Mum, can I have some juice please?" Ben asked sweetly as I wiped milk off Lydia's pretty chin.
"In a second Sport, I just need to quiet Jess down a bit." I sat down and settled Jessica on my lap. Fortunately, like the darling he was, my eldest son smiled amiably and agreed to wait.
"I miss Grandpa, why he work?" Jess sobbed, I rocked my daughter gently. I loved her very much, just like I loved all of my children, but for some reason I felt I had to protect Jess more because of her resemblance to Katharine.
"Oh my Baby Jess, Grandpa has to work. He loves you a lot my darling child, and when he works, he gets money, and do you know why he gets money Baby?" She shook her head, tearstained cheeks flushed.
"No why?" She asked.
"Because my special girl, he buys things with money. He bought you that hair ribbon, with money he got for working." I tugged on the mauve ribbon loosely binding the mass of strawberry-blonde curls.
"Really?" She looked up, her eyes the colour of seawater, still teary and ready to burst at the slightest provocation.
"Really! I would never lie to you." I said. "Will you sit down and eat, so I can get Benny-boy some juice?"
"Can I have some too?" She asked. I agreed, and finally, peace reigned.
Later, Hawkeye, Charles, Edna and I sat on the back porch. Hawkeye, Daniel Edna and I shared the back porch swing, a beautiful one that Hawkeye and Daniel had built, and Charles relaxed in a chair nearby. The backyard faced east and just beyond the wooden back fence, was a sloping hill, leading straight to the beach and we could heard the waves crashing on the shoreline as the tide came in, bringing back the late fishing boats.
"She misses you terribly Dad, she cried for fifteen minutes non-stop." I said, leaning comfortably into Hawkeye's chest, hearing his heartbeat.
"I shouldn't have held her for so long when she was born should I?" Daniel asked. He sometimes felt guilty about how close Jess was to him, and how much of a fuss she sometimes made to get away from me to be with him.
"Don't you ever say that Dad! You delivered her, and you had every right to hold her. I'm not surprised she made that bond with you, I think I was too out of things anyway to make that connection. Besides, it's Katharine's way of letting you know that she's still alive."
"I wish I had been there for April's birth." Charles spoke up. "I would have given anything to deliver my daughter, to be the one to hold her, to congratulate her mother, my wife." In the evening, Charles often got quiet and wishful, remembering what he had with me, what could have been, and what plainly wasn't ever going to be again.
"I wish you had been there too Charlie dear. I doubt it would have changed things between us, but I wish you had been there to see April when she was born. There is nothing like holding your newborn when they are a minute old." I still called him 'Charlie dear', and he still called me Annie, it was the only friendship he had with anyone that had no barriers, no walls and no reservations.
"Charles, this is rather personal but I've come to think that Annie became another Martine didn't she?" Tears shone in Charles's eyes at the thought of the only other woman he had ever loved as much as me.
"Martine?" Daniel queried at Hawkeye's statement that had obviously struck a tender chord with Charles.
"Part of the French Red-Cross, beautiful woman." Charles sounded choked up. "We became very close. But my family could never accept her bohemian ways." A tear trickled down my cheek, I knew the pain Martine had been through, and the pain she had been spared from his family when Charles turned her away. "I was prepared to take the chance with Annie though, I thought perhaps she would be, well considered suitable." He finished sadly.
"Oh that's awful, having to marry according to your family and not out of love." Edna said.
"I proposed to Annie out of love." Charles whispered. "I followed my heart not my head." There was an awkward silence, in which no one said anything, not sure how to respond to Charles. Thankfully, Dad broke the silence.
"I'm off to bed, goodnight all." Dad stood up. "Sweet dreams kids." He called over his shoulder.
"I might go too, I'm real tired. Sleep tight guys." Edna followed her husband in. We could plainly hear their voices, laughing and talking affectionately, followed by their footsteps towards their room.
"That wasn't very subtle." Charles commented. Hawkeye and I laughed. Dad and Edna loved each other very much, but we didn't know, or didn't want to know as it were, whether or not they still had sex, but if they were happy doing whatever it was they did, we didn't care.
"I'm going to bed." Hawkeye said suddenly.
"Don't even think about it. Not only do we have a guest and we don't want to interrupt their sleep with the inevitable noise one or the other of us will make, but Jess is asleep in our bed, and it is not the greatest time of the month for that activity." I laughed, pushing an amorous Hawkeye away.
"I'm going too, I presume April is still there?" April had insisted on sleeping with her father.
"No reason she shouldn't be." I replied. "I think it's a good time to get to bed. The day starts at 6am folks."
"Ahhh the joys of parenthood." Hawkeye said masking his voice so well I couldn't tell whether or not it was sarcastic. We all went to bed then, trying to get enough sleep to be properly prepared for April's first day.
I woke in the morning, and saw that there was a fair-skinned girl curled against my body, her strawberry-blonde curls messily spread over the sheet. I was facing away from Hawkeye, but I knew he was still asleep, his foot resting against my ankle as he slept. The door opened a crack and I heard someone tiptoe in.
"Mummy wake up I'm going to school!" It was my little April, stuttering with joy.
"Yes Mummy, wake up, our daughter's going to school." Charles echoed, coming into the room. Hawkeye muttered a threat or two as April climbed onto the bed and squirmed under the blankets.
"Mummy, Mummy, get out of bed, why can you sleep? I got to go to school!"
"Yes Mummy how can you lie there asleep?" Charles chided gently with a warm smile in his voice. "April has school you know." Jess woke up then, and I had to too, for my baby daughter, though four, and with a younger brother and sister, she was still my baby, had begun to play with my eyelids and pat my cheeks
"Oh, Baby doll, come here." I pulled her close for a cuddle before getting up and poking Hawkeye. April had begun to work on him, pulling his ears, while he pretended to growl like a dog. Finally he 'attacked' her pulling her beneath the blankets while she screamed with laughter.
"Right!" I hollered, seeing that I was the one left with making up the bed. "Everyone out!" Sheepishly Hawkeye and April emerged from beneath the covers.
"April, it's about time you had a shower, Charles do you want to do the honours?"
"Of course." He led his daughter downstairs towards his bathroom. I went upstairs and assisted Felicity, while I heard Hawkeye, Ben, and Danny busying themselves in our en suite, Lydia and Edna in the other second- floor bathroom and Dad and Jess in his en suite.
Some minutes later six beautifully clean children met for breakfast, while five not-so-clean adults, still wearing pyjamas took it turns of cooking and showering. Sure life was full on but I loved it.
"I can't believe our little girl is growing up." Charles said, standing next to me, as I rinsed plates in the sink.
"She's got a long way to go yet." I stated wisely. "There are so many more first times to come, like her first day of high school, her first dance, her first kiss, there are so many firsts I can't count them all."
"All of which I hope to be there for" Charles smiled. He put his arm around my waist and I cuddled into him a little, watching as April struggled with her laces while she sat on the back step.
"Alright you two, no need to get too cosy!" Hawkeye announced his arrival noisily, startling us a little as we were still watching April's now triumphant battle with her laces.
"Come and see." I beckoned to Hawkeye, and he joined Charles and I at the window as April tied her other shoe and stood up proudly.
"I did it, Daddy, Mummy, I did up my shoes!" April ran into the house beaming. Charles and I fell to our knees beside her, laughing and hugging her proudly.
"I'm so proud of you Angel!"
"That's Daddy's little girl, isn't she wonderful?" Charles stated proudly, clasping both of us in a tight hug.
"She's Mummy's little girl too, and you admitted to me that you couldn't tie your laces till you were 8, it must be my genes." I retorted, kissing April's pretty face.
"Very well, Annie darling, we'll let Mummy have her little delusions won't we my Angel?" Charles smirked, and kissed me on the temple. I laughed and kissed Charles on the cheek. At that point Hawkeye cleared his throat.
"I have to leave for work now honey." His smile was slightly steely.
"Okay, everyone, it's time to say goodbye to Daddy and Grandpa, because they're going to work!" I announced, and the other five, kids, Lydia and Danny being carried, emerged from various parts of the house.
"Bye Dad, yes, I'll stop by and bring you lunch, of course on rye." I kissed the older man's face gently. After having the heart attack, I hated him going to work, but couldn't help it.
"Annie, can I have a word with you before I leave?" Hawkeye asked a little coldly, but I decided to play it by ear, responding cheerfully.
"Sure Ben dear, one second. April, Ben Felicity, wait in the living room. Don't turn the Television on. Jess honey, could you Lyddie and Danny go upstairs? Charles, I'll be back in a minute." Hawkeye and I stepped into the hall.
"What's up with you and Charles today?" I was leaning against the wall as Hawkeye paced in front of me.
"What?" I jumped at the rather harsh tone and surprising query.
"I don't know if I should leave you alone when you and him are like that."
"Like what?" I demanded, there had been nothing overly odd about our behaviour this morning.
"Kissing each other like that, the way you fawned all over each other when April tied her shoe."
"Do you remember how you and I celebrated when Ben tied his shoe the first time?" We'd had sex the same night.
"But you're married, Charles has no right to kiss you."
"Hawkeye, BJ kisses me on the lips, and you don't even worry about that, I'm pretty sure that you and Peggy kiss each other lip-to-lip and neither BJ nor I make a fuss, and you're worried about the father of my daughter, who is merely excited because it is her first day at school?"
"When you put it that way it does seem stupid." Hawkeye admitted a smile forming slowly on his face, almost an invitation to me to smile as well. I accepted it, a beam forming gently on my lips.
"You silly," I said sounding choked up, "There's no one in this world I love more than you. There is also no one in the world I'd rather kiss right now." He took the hint and when Daniel appeared in the hall it took a while before we noticed him.
"Okay guys, say goodbye to Ma now and we'll walk to school." Charles and I escorted the three elder children out the door.
"After dropping the twins off at their classroom, I joined Charles and April outside the kindergarten room where Miss K was cheerfully introducing herself to a small boy who looked terrified. April bravely went in without even arguing and Charles and I walked back.
"What did Hawkeye want, that is if you don't feel it is too private?" Charles asked quietly as we got into the house. I could hear my youngest three playing upstairs with Edna.
"He was just a little concerned, we were a bit more all over each other than normal. Nothing big, he understands."
"I'm terribly sorry Annie. I had no idea. . ."
"Shut up, it was nothing big merely a misunderstanding, we've made up." I silenced him instantly.
"I'm thrilled to hear that." Charles responded sincerely. I smiled and we went upstairs where we played with Lyddie, Jess and Danny till lunch, after which I had to put in a shift at the hospital so Charles had to get April.
The rest of the day went off peacefully. My shift was quiet, April loved school, the twins loved their grade one teacher Mrs Tillman, Lydia and Danny slept full naps, Jess managed a whole day without tears, Edna cooked a fabulous dinner, and Hawkeye and Daniel returned in good moods, having told no less than five women between them that they were expecting. As I sat listening to everyone's stories and I told my own, I realised how busy and full on my life was. However, I couldn't have cared less. I adored it.