A Forgotten Brother's Love
"I promise, it won't hurt a bit," Ritsuko said in a soothing voice, swabbing Narikage's arm with alcohol. "Just look away." The sixteen-year- old's face scrunched up and he turned his head away as far as his spine would allow. If Misato hadn't understood the circumstances for his fear of needles, she would have found the whole thing quite amusing.
"You're doing fine, Narikage."
"How many more of these do you have to do?" the boy asked, wincing as the needle was inserted into his arm.
"One more blood draw from the other arm then I'll have to extract some of your bone marrow."
"My bone marrow!" If it was possible, Narikage paled even more and his entire body broke out in a cold sweat. It was a little strange to see the normally cold, indifferent boy trembling from head to toe on the bed he was stretched out upon. Misato stepped up to the bed, slipping her warmer hand into his freezing cold one. He instantly held it tight, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Almost done here," Ritsuko said. She gently pulled out the needle, putting a bandage over the spot and crooking his arm upwards to stop the blood flow.
"Do you really have to draw blood from the other arm?" Narikage's voice was barely audible and the tone was that of a child's.
"Maybe we should leave the rest of the tests for another day," Misato offered. Narikage's eyes flew open when he heard this and he gave a firm shake of his head.
"No. No, just do it and get it over with."
"Are you sure, Narikage? We can wait if you'd like," Ritsuko said, looking over her shoulder at him. He took a deep breath, staring straight up at the ceiling.
"I'm sure. Onegai." The two women exchanged glances and the purple-haired one nodded. Ritsuko sighed a little, getting the other two needles she would need.
"Do you want to draw the blood first or the bone marrow? I warn you: the marrow one will have to be in your hip and it might be a little painful." His pale, creepy eyes met hers and he nodded again.
"I know. I've had it done before. Do the marrow first, get that done with."
"Well, you're bossy again so that must be a good sign," Misato said, trying to lighten the atmosphere a little. Narikage turned his head to look at her.
"You don't have to stay, you know."
"I wouldn't dream of leaving."
"Alright, I'll need you to relax, Narikage. Think about something pleasant," Ritsuko advised him, pulling the hospital gown he wore up a bit to expose the side of his hip. The boy closed his eyes, his hand tightening just the slightest bit around Misato's. She laid her other one over their joined hands, trying to offer the boy comfort. He visibly winced when the sharp object was inserted into his skin and bone but he didn't make a sound. Ritsuko made the process as quick and painless as she could, knowing what he was going through.
"There. You're done with that," she finally said, extracting the needle and setting it carefully aside after putting a cap over the tip. Narikage—who had held his breath through the whole thing—let out a whoosh of air, relaxing somewhat.
"Boy, you weren't kidding about that strength," Misato laughed, managing to draw her hand from his. He looked over at her, face concerned.
"Did I hurt you? Gomen."
"Oh, don't worry. I've had a lot worse. And, look on the bright side: after that last extraction, the blood drawing should be a piece of cake." Narikage gave her a slight smile, setting back on the pillow, his eyes closed once again as Ritsuko started her work on his left arm.
Misato had to admit: the boy had changed slightly since she had found out about him two days earlier. She could only imagine the burden he had had to carry for so many years and could see the faintest hint of relief in his eyes whenever she looked at him. Someone knowing about his condition obviously had taken a great weight off his shoulders, allowing him a little more freedom of movement within his life. A couple of times, Misato had even caught him smiling just the slightest bit. It wasn't much but it was something.
"There. That wasn't so bad, was it?" Ritsuko said, standing.
"I will refrain from answer, I think." Both women looked down at him. "What?"
"Narikage, I do believe you made your first joke." Another surprise followed when a very faint color touched the boy's cheeks and his gaze danced away, a little smile hovering on his lips. The women giggled.
"Anyway, lie here and rest for a bit. Your hip is going to be a little sore for a few days—"the doctor started.
"I don't even feel it anymore." The women blinked at him. "One of the so- called perks." He sat up slowly, using Misato as a support. "Arigato, Miss Katsuragi. I can get dressed by myself."
"Alright. I'll treat you to some ramen before we go to the cemetery, alright?"
"Hai."
~*~*~
Narikage stepped out of Misato's car, his eyes on the huge cherry tree about fifty yards ahead. Misato got out as well but didn't move around to the other side.
"It's the one right under the tree. I'll wait here." The boy nodded and started across the cemetery, his hands in his pockets. His heartbeat began to speed up slightly and he forced himself to calm down, to breathe. He didn't want to collapse before he got to see his little brother's grave.
When he reached the grey headstone, he knelt on the ground in front of it, his long fingers tracing over the characters that spelled Ikari Shinji.
"Long time no see, otouto," he whispered softly, allowing his hand to drop to his side. "I know you thought I'd forgotten you, but I want you to know that I was always thinking about you. Always." He smiled a little, pools of liquid gathering in his eyes. "Miss Katsuragi showed me your school picture. You look just like our mother, you know." He sighed, his chin dropping onto his chest as he struggled to maintain his composure. It didn't work for long and very soon, blood was pattering on the grass and cherry blossom petals littering the site.
"I'm so sorry, Shinji..." he whispered, the twin rivers of red coursing down his pale cheeks. "I should have been there, protecting you. If I had been there, I would have been in Unit 01 and you could have been saved." The teenager pressed his forehead to the cool stone of the grave, sobbing quietly. The air, which had been still a moment before, suddenly became a slight breeze that tugged playfully at Narikage's hair and he could have sworn he heard childish laughter.
Wiping away a few of the bloody tears, he lifted his head, allowing the breeze to run over his flushed cheeks.
'It's alright, Onii-san,' came the faint whisper in his ear. The tears came faster down Narikage's cheeks as he closed his eyes tightly, gripping something around his neck.
"I never forgot you, Shinji-ku. I tried to come back so many times but I couldn't find you...I'm so, so sorry..." he choked out, bowing his head once more. The breeze rattled the branches of the cherry tree and soft pink blossoms drifted lazily down, landing in his hair and on his shoulders. He picked one from his black locks, cupping it gently in his palm. With his free hand, he dug a shallow hole at the base of Shinji's grave, placing the flower in it carefully.
'I love you, Onii-san...'
"I love you too, Otouto."
"I promise, it won't hurt a bit," Ritsuko said in a soothing voice, swabbing Narikage's arm with alcohol. "Just look away." The sixteen-year- old's face scrunched up and he turned his head away as far as his spine would allow. If Misato hadn't understood the circumstances for his fear of needles, she would have found the whole thing quite amusing.
"You're doing fine, Narikage."
"How many more of these do you have to do?" the boy asked, wincing as the needle was inserted into his arm.
"One more blood draw from the other arm then I'll have to extract some of your bone marrow."
"My bone marrow!" If it was possible, Narikage paled even more and his entire body broke out in a cold sweat. It was a little strange to see the normally cold, indifferent boy trembling from head to toe on the bed he was stretched out upon. Misato stepped up to the bed, slipping her warmer hand into his freezing cold one. He instantly held it tight, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Almost done here," Ritsuko said. She gently pulled out the needle, putting a bandage over the spot and crooking his arm upwards to stop the blood flow.
"Do you really have to draw blood from the other arm?" Narikage's voice was barely audible and the tone was that of a child's.
"Maybe we should leave the rest of the tests for another day," Misato offered. Narikage's eyes flew open when he heard this and he gave a firm shake of his head.
"No. No, just do it and get it over with."
"Are you sure, Narikage? We can wait if you'd like," Ritsuko said, looking over her shoulder at him. He took a deep breath, staring straight up at the ceiling.
"I'm sure. Onegai." The two women exchanged glances and the purple-haired one nodded. Ritsuko sighed a little, getting the other two needles she would need.
"Do you want to draw the blood first or the bone marrow? I warn you: the marrow one will have to be in your hip and it might be a little painful." His pale, creepy eyes met hers and he nodded again.
"I know. I've had it done before. Do the marrow first, get that done with."
"Well, you're bossy again so that must be a good sign," Misato said, trying to lighten the atmosphere a little. Narikage turned his head to look at her.
"You don't have to stay, you know."
"I wouldn't dream of leaving."
"Alright, I'll need you to relax, Narikage. Think about something pleasant," Ritsuko advised him, pulling the hospital gown he wore up a bit to expose the side of his hip. The boy closed his eyes, his hand tightening just the slightest bit around Misato's. She laid her other one over their joined hands, trying to offer the boy comfort. He visibly winced when the sharp object was inserted into his skin and bone but he didn't make a sound. Ritsuko made the process as quick and painless as she could, knowing what he was going through.
"There. You're done with that," she finally said, extracting the needle and setting it carefully aside after putting a cap over the tip. Narikage—who had held his breath through the whole thing—let out a whoosh of air, relaxing somewhat.
"Boy, you weren't kidding about that strength," Misato laughed, managing to draw her hand from his. He looked over at her, face concerned.
"Did I hurt you? Gomen."
"Oh, don't worry. I've had a lot worse. And, look on the bright side: after that last extraction, the blood drawing should be a piece of cake." Narikage gave her a slight smile, setting back on the pillow, his eyes closed once again as Ritsuko started her work on his left arm.
Misato had to admit: the boy had changed slightly since she had found out about him two days earlier. She could only imagine the burden he had had to carry for so many years and could see the faintest hint of relief in his eyes whenever she looked at him. Someone knowing about his condition obviously had taken a great weight off his shoulders, allowing him a little more freedom of movement within his life. A couple of times, Misato had even caught him smiling just the slightest bit. It wasn't much but it was something.
"There. That wasn't so bad, was it?" Ritsuko said, standing.
"I will refrain from answer, I think." Both women looked down at him. "What?"
"Narikage, I do believe you made your first joke." Another surprise followed when a very faint color touched the boy's cheeks and his gaze danced away, a little smile hovering on his lips. The women giggled.
"Anyway, lie here and rest for a bit. Your hip is going to be a little sore for a few days—"the doctor started.
"I don't even feel it anymore." The women blinked at him. "One of the so- called perks." He sat up slowly, using Misato as a support. "Arigato, Miss Katsuragi. I can get dressed by myself."
"Alright. I'll treat you to some ramen before we go to the cemetery, alright?"
"Hai."
~*~*~
Narikage stepped out of Misato's car, his eyes on the huge cherry tree about fifty yards ahead. Misato got out as well but didn't move around to the other side.
"It's the one right under the tree. I'll wait here." The boy nodded and started across the cemetery, his hands in his pockets. His heartbeat began to speed up slightly and he forced himself to calm down, to breathe. He didn't want to collapse before he got to see his little brother's grave.
When he reached the grey headstone, he knelt on the ground in front of it, his long fingers tracing over the characters that spelled Ikari Shinji.
"Long time no see, otouto," he whispered softly, allowing his hand to drop to his side. "I know you thought I'd forgotten you, but I want you to know that I was always thinking about you. Always." He smiled a little, pools of liquid gathering in his eyes. "Miss Katsuragi showed me your school picture. You look just like our mother, you know." He sighed, his chin dropping onto his chest as he struggled to maintain his composure. It didn't work for long and very soon, blood was pattering on the grass and cherry blossom petals littering the site.
"I'm so sorry, Shinji..." he whispered, the twin rivers of red coursing down his pale cheeks. "I should have been there, protecting you. If I had been there, I would have been in Unit 01 and you could have been saved." The teenager pressed his forehead to the cool stone of the grave, sobbing quietly. The air, which had been still a moment before, suddenly became a slight breeze that tugged playfully at Narikage's hair and he could have sworn he heard childish laughter.
Wiping away a few of the bloody tears, he lifted his head, allowing the breeze to run over his flushed cheeks.
'It's alright, Onii-san,' came the faint whisper in his ear. The tears came faster down Narikage's cheeks as he closed his eyes tightly, gripping something around his neck.
"I never forgot you, Shinji-ku. I tried to come back so many times but I couldn't find you...I'm so, so sorry..." he choked out, bowing his head once more. The breeze rattled the branches of the cherry tree and soft pink blossoms drifted lazily down, landing in his hair and on his shoulders. He picked one from his black locks, cupping it gently in his palm. With his free hand, he dug a shallow hole at the base of Shinji's grave, placing the flower in it carefully.
'I love you, Onii-san...'
"I love you too, Otouto."