Narikage's Regret

"Misato-san, I don't think I can wait any longer," Narikage said, staring at his untouched bowl of ramen. "Onegai..." The older woman sighed, setting down her bowl which had also remained untouched.

"Before I do that, Narikage...can I ask you something?"

"I've already told you, Misato-san. You may ask me anything you wish. You know everything anyway."

"No, not everything. I've been wondering...it's obvious you loved Shinji very much. If so...why did you leave?" Narikage sighed a little, picking up his chopsticks and stirring the noodles, more for something to do.

"I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I hated where we were, hated how I was treated. Gendo told them about me and they used that as their excuse."

"Excuse?" Narikage laid his arm on the table, forearm facing upwards. There, running from his wrist to the inside of his elbow was a faint, jagged scar. Misato stared at it then understanding dawned in her eyes and she clapped her hands over her mouth. "Narikage..."

"Shinji was safe there; I wasn't. So I had to get away." Narikage pulled his arm back. "I was going to come back for him when I found someplace good to live. When I finally did return, he wasn't there. Gendo had found him a new place to live, some place where I wouldn't be able to find him. He knew I was going to come back so he moved Shinji on purpose to hurt me." Narikage slowly laid the chopstick back on the table, his face blank as he stared into his food. "I even put aside my pride and pleaded with him to let me see Shinji, even if it was only for a few minutes. But he refused. That's when I decided I was no longer going to be Yoshiko Ikari. I changed my name to fit who and what I was. Narikage: 'to turn into a shadow'." The boy smiled ironically.

"Narikage-kun...you aren't a shadow." Misato reached over the table, laying a hand over his own. His eyes widened as he stared at them. "See? I can touch you." He raised his head slowly to find her smiling gently at him, head tilted to the side. Narikage blinked then he slowly smiled back.

"Hai. Arigato, Misato-san." Her smile grew and she straightened.

"Now, let's go see Rei-chan. Shall we?"

"Hai."

(Cut)

"Are you sure he meant to do it?" Rei asked, watching her red-headed friend pace back and forth in front of her.

"Of course he did! He purposely attacked me so that I wouldn't be able to pilot!" She held up her bandaged hand. "They'll never let me use my EVA like this, which is exactly what he wanted!!"

"Asuka, calm down," the other girl said, trying her best to sooth the German girl. "Maybe if you talked to him—"

"Never! I'm never talking to him again! I can't believe you! Who's side are you on?! Your friend's or HIS?! He's the one who almost killed you!"

"I know that. But...I've been thinking...maybe we shouldn't judge him so harshly. I mean, there might be things about him that we don't know, things that have made him this way. Maybe we should give him a chance." Asuka scowled.

"That's not an excuse! He's a jerk, plain and simple!" Asuka's rant was interrupted by the door sliding open and Misato stepping in. She smiled at Rei.

"Hi! I'm glad to see you're doing much better, Rei-chan."

"Arigato, Misato-san."

"Asuka, we need you for a couple tests. Ritsuko wants to take a look at that hand and see how bad the damage is." Asuka sniffed.

"Where's the jerk?"

"NARIKAGE went home for the afternoon," Misato said a little sharply, stressing the boy's name. The girl just grumbled.

"I'll be right back, Rei," she said, following Misato out the door. She nodded, settling back on her pillows as the doors slid shut, leaving the room quiet.

"Alone again..." she whispered to the un-answering air. "I'd forgotten what it was like..."

She jumped and turned her head as she heard her doors opening yet again and her eyes went wide as Narikage stepped through them.

"Narikage." He bowed low to her, coming forward a few more feet, but still not close enough to touch her bed.

"I came to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine." She turned her head to look out the window on the opposite wall. Narikage cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, Miss Ayanami. My intent wasn't to hurt you by forcing you to pilot. I just wanted to show you that you could do it."

"I piloted of my own free will."

"I shouldn't have allowed you to stay on the battle field while you were trapped inside your unit like that. I'm very sorry." He bowed again but she still didn't turn her head to look at him.

"Ever since the battle...I've been trying to remember what happened," Rei said quietly after a long silence. Narikage straightened.

"You fought well."

"Only after you said my name." She finally looked at him, face expressionless, but her eyes shone with sadness. "And I called you Shinji." The older boy nodded. "Why?"

"A part of you knows why, Miss Ayanami. You're just too afraid to see it. Everyone is." He held out his hand with a tiny smile as he spoke. "Just like people are too afraid to see you for what you are." Rei's eyes went a little wide.

"W-what are you talking about?" A deep feeling of dread grew in the pit of her stomach. He knew about her?! How?!

"You know what I'm talking about, Miss Ayanami. Very few people knew about the experiment. I don't think even Commander Fuyutski knows the whole truth, does he? Only three people knew. You, the former Commander, and myself."

"How could you possibly know?" Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. Narikage smiled again but there was a deep sadness in his eyes that startled her.

"I would know my mother's DNA anywhere."

"Your...mother's? How could it be your mother's? Commander Ikari...he used his late wife's—"She cut herself off with a strangled gasp, a hand flying to her mouth. "You...you can't possibly..."

"Yoshiko Ikari, Gendo Ikari's eldest son and the true first child of NERV," Narikage said, giving a small bow.

"I-if you're...his son...then Shinji..."

"Was my younger brother," he finished for her, that sad look in his eyes etching deeper. She stared at him, blood red eyes so wide, you could see the whites all the way around them. Then, her eyes became cold and distant again.

"You're cruel...to tell such lies..." she whispered.

"I didn't think you'd believe me." He stepped forward, removing something from his pocket and holding it out to her. She slowly took it, staring down at the photograph in her hands. It was of two small boys, three and five at the very most. The elder boy was hugging the younger one, both of them laughing at the camera. Rei drew in a slow breath, touching the smaller child.

"Shinji-kun..." Her eyes shifted to the other person in the photo and she glanced at Narikage before looking quickly back to the picture. "It...it is you..." she admitted in a whisper. "He-he never mentioned..."

"No, he wouldn't have. He was very young when I left. And Gendo never would have mentioned me, me being the failure to him that I was."

"But how do you know about the experiment? It wasn't started until a few years after..." She couldn't seem to finish her sentences.

"There were papers on it long before it was actually started. I saw some right after she disappeared and attempted to stop him. I didn't want him manipulating her like that, even if she was gone. That's why Shinji and I were sent away: so he could protect his work." Rei bowed her head, eyes closed, fighting back the tears that threatened to pour forth. Narikage was Shinji's older brother... "I thought it would be best if you heard it from me, before the report comes out." She looked up quickly.

"Report?"

"I had tests done this afternoon; they'll tell my secret anyway but I thought it would be easier on you if you heard me say it, instead of Commander Fuyutski." Narikage shoved his hands in his pockets as he spoke, giving the smallest of shrugs. Rei gazed at him for a long moment then looked back down at the picture in her hands.

"Did you...did you love him?" Narikage looked down and away, the sad look appearing in his eyes once more.

"He was the most important person to me in the whole world," he replied softly.

"Then why? Why did you leave him? Why did he..." She closed her eyes, a tear trailing from the corner of one.

"If there had been any other way...I wouldn't have left. And if I could have found him later, I would have returned in a heart beat to be with him. When I heard that he had died..." Narikage trailed off, a hand going to his heart. Rei looked over at him once more, more tears making her red eyes sparkle.

"You don't know because you weren't there. You didn't have to watch it," she whispered in the fiercest voice she could muster.

"No...but I should have been. It's something that I will regret for the rest of my life," he said in that same soft voice. She saw moisture gather in his eyes but he closed them before they could fall. "I hope you feel better soon, Miss Ayanami." Abruptly, the boy turned and started out of the room.

"Your picture!" Rei called after him, holding the object out.

"Keep it. I can't look at it any longer. Good bye." The door slid shut behind him.