Across The Tears I'll Find Myself
By Daisuke Anarie
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or any other related materials. Amen. (Oh, come on, it does sound like a prayer, or something!)
Warning: Angst, shounen-ai (Takato/Jenrya), and possible errors with present tense writing. Just a short, little one-shot to satisfy my muses for a while.
Author's Note: I watched the last episode on Digimon Tamers this morning (at six-thirty, thank you) and got all depressed and stuff. This is the result. – Daisuke Anarie
Forgiveness. It's an important part to any relationship. People make mistakes all the time, and they are forgiven, their mistake is excused, pardoned. Someone would think I'd be quick to forgive, with my calm, easy-going nature, but I can't. I won't. Not with the wrong that was done to me by my own flesh and blood.
Otou-san knew it would happen, but he didn't spare the time to tell me, so I could prepare. So I could say goodbye to my best friend, who was literally torn out of my grasp by cruel fate, something Otou-san could've warned me about. I was not prepared to lose Terriermon right after destroying the D-Reaper.
Couldn't they have done something about it? I mean, Terriermon, as Saint Galgomon, did practically save us all, with the Juggernaut planted in him. He was what reversed the D-Reaper's evolution. Terriermon, my partner and best friend, saved us and this is how he's thanked? I don't think so!
It's not fair. We – I – didn't have time for even a proper goodbye.
I hate Otou-san. Why do I even call him that? Janyuu. That's all he deserves from me, after taking away my first true friend.
Actually, it's been several months since this, and I'm still crying over it. Takato-tachi has seemed to recover for the most part. Takato has been more cheerful lately, like he's found the light at the end of the tunnel, or the silver lining on the storm cloud.
It's not fair.
Life's not fair.
Why did this have to happen?
Why..."Jen, daijoubu?" Takato asks, glancing up from his homework that is spread across his lap and onto my bed, which has become our official study headquarters.
I keep my eyes focused on the Math problems scribbled out in my spiral notebook.
Takato knows the answer without me saying a word. He's used to my silence and sighs, still probably wishing that I'd open up to him. Takato is like that. He wants to fix everyone's problems, even if it means his own downfall.
Honestly, I appreciate that, but he can't take away the pain and sorrow from this loss. I think he would understand that much and give up, but he still tries.
He watches me as I work out the next problem on the paper, I can tell without looking up. I have been able to recognize his looks after these few months. He always seems to be keeping an eye on me, as if waiting for me to snap or finally ask for help, so he'll be there for me at that exact moment.
Why?
"Nani?" Takato tilts his head slightly to look at me.
I blink at him quizzically. "Huh?"
"You said, 'Why?' Why what?"
Oops. I guess that's what they call, 'speaking your mind.'
My face colors red slightly, I can just feel it doing so, and Takato smiles at me. This is probably the most emotion he's gotten out of me in awhile.
Instead of commenting on it, though, he just continues to smile, looking away, and shuffles through his homework, gathering the papers in a stack and setting them aside. "Ne, Jen, let's break for awhile," he suggests.
I blink again, confused. Why?
As if reading my thoughts, he continues, "For good old time's sake, I'd like to go back to Guilmon's hide out, okay?" He speaks as if he knows something I don't, and I definitely don't like it. He notices my sour expression and has the dignity to look apologetic, but he's not going to give up. "There's something I'd like to show you, actually," he explains, making up his mind.
I raise an eyebrow and he stands up, motioning for me to follow. I don't move and he just looks at me intently, with this soft smile that could melt the polar ice caps. I still don't move and we instead have a staring contest, a battle of wills. His warm cherry eyes stare into my cold steel grey ones, as if searching for a way inside my thoughts. I don't back down.
Finally, he breaks eye contact and bows his head with a sad sigh. I'm almost affected, but not quite. Suddenly, without much warning, his head jerks up, an intent gleam in his eyes, and he literally pounces at me, tackling me back onto my bed. I hear the papers in the spiral notebook crumple up underneath him, and momentarily think how much trouble it would be to have to rewrite all those problems, but all coherent thoughts are herded away as I suddenly shriek.
"Gyah! Takato, stop! Haha!"
Damn him. I resent that day he found out I was ticklish.
He giggles along with the howls of laughter I finally release and I try to push him away as his nimble fingers tickle my sides. Instead, it turns into a wrestling match that neither of us can win. My spiral notebook is forgotten and pushed aside immediately. We eventually settle down and sprawl out on my bed, breathing heavy. Takato's head in on my stomach and I absently twist my fingers in his hair. I laugh occasionally and that makes Takato's head bounce a little, causing him to start laughing, too.
This goes on for another ten minutes or so, until Takato rolls onto his side so he can look at me, but I have to remove my fingers from his hair so they don't tangle in the honey locks. "You have this goofy grin on your face, you know," he points out, causing me to snicker at myself. "Jen, it's good to hear you laugh again," he says quietly, and then giggles softly.
"It's all because of you, Takato. Arigatou," I reply. I swear I see him blush a little as he turns back to look at the ceiling. An awkward silence follows and I finally get up, pushing Takato's head into my lap with a small thud.
"Oi!" Takato exclaims, but sits up as well.
I chuckle and ruffle his hair fondly, earning a playful scowl from him in return. That only makes me laugh more, because he looks so funny with the scowl and I can tell it's not serious. Then, at my laughter, he pouts cutely, trying to make a puppy-dog face that everyone sees on an anime show. Needless to say, it only makes me laugh more and he eventually joins in, too.
When the laughter ceases, Takato comes back to his earlier suggestion. "So, are we going or not?"
My demeanor immediately darkens and I fall silent, now grim instead of cheerful.
"Jen, come on, please?"
I sigh and stand up, pulling him with me. "Fine," I mutter.
He gives me a sympathetic look and takes my hand, guiding me out of the room like I don't know where I'm going. Of course I know! It's where I live! Can't he just-
"Jen," he says, trying to get my attention.
"Huh?" I snap, looking over at him.
Takato smiles faintly and points at my face. "Your eyebrow is twitching."
"What?" I finger my eyebrows and, of course, the right one is twitching. How embarrassing!
I sigh and Takato giggles slightly as we make it to the front door. We tug on our shoes and leave the apartment silently, Takato pulling me along by my hand.
We walk in complete silence, passing buildings, cars, and people on our way to the park. I don't pay much attention to them, but to Takato's soft humming. I recognize it from the Digimon Adventure series. It's called Keep On. Suppose it is kind of fitting, but eerie nevertheless. Takato doesn't seem to be aware of my discomfort, though.
Now we're in the park and heading up the winding path, soon to wander off it and to Guilmon's hide out. The gate is open and it's dark inside. Takato tugs at my hand, ushering me in. I blink in mild confusion, slowly adjusting to the dimness.
"What-"
"Come and look, Jen," Takato says, letting go of my hand as he walks to the back wall.
I follow on my own and look at where he motions. There's a hole in the ground, probably where Guilmon dug to store some bread. Takato gestured at it and I bend down to look into it. At first, I don't see anything, but then there's a small glimmer. It's faint, but there's definitely something there.
"What...?" I straighten up again and look at Takato, baffled.
He just smiles, his eyes viewing me gently with compassion, and says, "A portal."
My mouth dropped open, but closed, then opened again, like a fish.
Takato giggled again and turned his head to look at the hole in the ground. "A portal to the Digital World, Jen."
I stare at him in shock, mouth now permanently agape, now, I'm sure.
He blushes at my intent stare and steps closer, pulling me into a hug. "Happy birthday, Jen," he whispers into my ear, and then presses his lips against my cheek quickly.
I'm unable to speak, from shock and confusion, but finally, I breathe out, "Why?"
He doesn't answer and simply holds me as I finally collapse against him and cry softly into his shoulder.
After a few minutes, I calm a bit and realize...
Now I see.
Takato found the light at the end of the tunnel...
And he wanted to share it with me.
-Owari-