Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Neji/Lee
Prank the Main House
This one came out of nowhere. There was no previous inspiration. It was just one of things where we went; HEY! What if we wrote a chapter about…?
Neji was sitting at home knitting. His scarf was coming out a lot better than he imagined and he anticipated the arrival of winter so he could wear it. Of course, he wouldn't be telling people that he had made it and hoped that it wouldn't look like he made it so no one would be suspicious… the last people he needed was people knowing that he knitted.
He accidentally let his mind linger and was suddenly distracted from his knitting. So he tried to focus everything on recalling his technique for knitting in the proper way.
"The Branch House member goes around the Main House member and then the Main House member falls over and the Branch House member…" Neji narrated out loud to himself when he could see someone approaching. He was, of course, looking THROUGH the wall with his Byakugan out the back of his head so it was easier to know if someone was coming. Namely, it was his evil uncle, Hiashi.
As Hiashi passed by, Neji continued his narration.
"The bunny goes around the tree…the tree falls…the bunny escapes…the lumberjack pulls the tree away…the bunny goes around the next tree…"
Hiashi looked at Neji briefly but didn't say anything. He just kept walking. He thought it was a little weird that Neji was knitting, but he wasn't about to confront him. As far as Hiashi was concerned, Neji was more evil than he was.
Neji watched him go, pretending he didn't notice. Then, once he was gone, Neji put the needles down and looked out the window. He was suddenly horrified by a horribly ugly and giant face appearing the window.
"Lee!" Neji yelled, nearly falling off the couch and quickly covering his partially made scarf with a pillow. Lee opened the window and climbed in as Neji tried to collect himself and make sure the knitting needles were sufficiently covered.
"Hi Neji!" Lee said.
"What are you doing?!" Neji demanded, sitting down on the pillow.
"We were supposed to go training a half an hour ago." Lee said, pointing at the clock. "So I came to check to see what happened!"
Neji looked at it and then made a face. "Sorry…I forgot…" he admitted.
"That is so unlike you!" Lee said. "You know what? And Tenten ran off for another trip to the beach too! Brings back memories, doesn't it?"
"What does?" Neji said.
"Tenten going to the beach." Lee replied.
"What does that bring back memories of?" Neji questioned.
"Come on, don't tell me you don't remember when we put a turkey in her bag the LAST time she went to the beach!" said Lee.
"Yeah…I remember…" Neji said, rolling his eyes. "And if you came over here to ask if I wanted to do it again, then the answer is no."
"She's already gone." Said Lee. "So we wouldn't be able to do it even if I WANTED to! Even though…I have to admit I do feel like pranking someone today…" Lee looked off into space.
Neji spotted his evil uncle coming back. Hiashi walked by the room Neji was in with Lee, looked at them both questioningly but didn't stop walking. He thought it was weird that this strange non-Hyuuga person was suddenly in the house, but he wasn't about to confront Neji about it. Neji was scary and evil and Hiashi didn't feel like dealing with him at the moment. So he dismissed Lee as a random little friend that Neji had and just continued on his way.
"Is that your uncle?" Lee whispered.
"Why are you whispering?" Neji asked.
"I don't know." Lee said. "But is it?"
"Yeah." Neji answered. "How'd you know?"
"Because he looks like you and you said that your dad and your uncle were twins but I knew it wasn't your dad because—" Lee started but then he stopped dead. The two of them cleared their throats and looked away from each other extremely awkwardly.
Then Neji suddenly got an idea. An AWFUL idea. Neji got a wonderful AWFUL idea.
It came to him easily, especially with Lee sitting there right in front of him.
"Lee." He said.
"Sorry!" said Lee, wincing and covering his face with his hands. "I'll think next time I open my mouth!"
"Shut up and listen." Neji said, leaning over. "NOW you can whisper."
"What?" Lee whispered, leaning over as well.
"You said you wanted to prank someone?" Neji asked.
"I ALWAYS feel like pulling a prank on someone!" laughed Lee.
"Shh." Neji instructed, looking a little annoyed.
"Oh right." Lee said, lowering his voice again.
"Well, if you were going to prank someone today, what would you do?" Neji interrogated.
"Hm…" Lee pondered. "Depends on who I would be pranking. Do you have anyone in mind?"
Neji lowered his voice so much that Lee could hardly hear him.
"The Main House."
Lee gasped. "You don't mean…" he said. "EVERYONE in the Main House?!"
"Something to make ALL of them suffer." Neji said, looking evil.
"Neji, I've never done a prank on that scale before." Said Lee nervously.
But Neji was too wrapped up in his potential victory that he didn't even hear Lee. He was thinking as hard as he could for something that he could do to the Main House that would make them pay for what they did. But, unfortunately for him, he was too unstable when it came to the Main House and Branch House thing that the only ideas he could think of involved killing all of them or mortally wounding all of them.
"That's why I need you to help me." Neji said, not realizing that his thought process had been exactly that. THOUGHT.
"Why, because I've never done a prank on this scale?" Lee said, looking confused.
"What?" said Neji. "Right, whatever. Do you have any ideas?"
"Hm…" Lee said. "I have to admit, Neji, this is a little weird. I mean, I always thought of us as pals and I would do anything for a pal but you know… this goes against everything…"
"Lee, I'll fight you if you do a good job." Neji said.
"OH FINE!" said Lee, putting his hand out for Neji to shake. Neji shook it and then waited.
"Well?" he asked.
"I'm thinking…" Lee said. "What kind of prank do you want it to be?"
"I don't know." Said Neji, looking at Lee like he just won the Moron of the Century Award. "This is YOUR thing! This is why I'm asking YOU to think up an idea, remember?"
"Ah, Neji, I guess you don't remember." Lee said. "YOU'RE the one who thought up the idea to put the turkey in Tenten's bag."
Neji was about to beat up Lee for saying something as foolish as that but he stopped and tried to recall. Then he realized it. It WAS him who suggested it. Well, it wasn't a very GOOD prank, but he had thought of it.
"What now?" Neji said.
"Let's BOTH brainstorm!" Lee said as if he was a girl at a party who had just announced that it was time to paint their nails.
"Uh well…all right." Neji said, repositioning himself slightly, only to suddenly remember that he was sitting on the knitting needles and definitely couldn't stand up as long as Lee was there. "How about we talk about this somewhere besides here? After all, someone from the Main House could walk by at any given moment."
"You're right, Neji." Said Lee. "I'll be outside!"
Lee jumped out the window he had come in. Neji looked out the window to see that Lee was looking in the opposite direction. He quickly stood up, grabbed the knitting needles and opened the drawer and just when he was about to throw the whole kit and caboodle in, Lee poked his head back in the window.
"Hey, you coming?" he said, but then he caught sight of the needles and yarn. Neji's eyes widened as Lee looked them over.
"…I was just cleaning up." Neji said. "Someone left these here…in the Main House…"
"Oh." Said Lee. "Okay!"
Neji thanked his lucky stars that Lee's one of those guys that you could easily convince that they would never find 'gullible' in the dictionary.
So after Neji tucked the unfinished scarf away, he jumped out the window just as Hiashi walked by again. He caught sight of Neji shutting the window. Hiashi found this behavior ALSO to be extremely peculiar. Their eyes finally met for the first time that day and, to save face, both of them glared at each other evilly and simultaneously. Lee looked at Neji and Hiashi glaring at each other through the window and shook his head with a shrug.
"Okay, let's go." said Lee.
"Right." Said Neji, finally tearing away from his evil glare. He and Lee went off to Neji's training area.
"You realize, of course, that by using the term 'prank', you're pulling a HARMLESS practical joke on someone." Lee clarified.
"I know." Neji said.
"Just making sure." Lee said.
The two of them gave heavy sighs and started to think of a way to prank the Main House. Neji was mostly just trying to think of an idea that didn't end up with them dead. Lee was trying to think of something that would satisfy Neji because he wanted to fight Neji SO bad.
"I got it." said Lee. "What if we put a turkey on each of their beds so that when they go to bed, they have to take the turkey OFF their bed?"
Lee's eyes were wide and he was nodding enthusiastically.
Neji stared at Lee. "Lee." He said. "No more turkeys."
"Okay, fine!" said Lee defensively. "I'm only trying to help!"
"Try a little harder, will you?" Neji said.
"All right, all right…" Lee said, letting his mind wander. "What if we…oh never mind…"
"Remember that I don't want to get caught for doing this." Neji said.
"Of course!" said Lee. "And if you do get caught, I'LL take full responsibility!"
"Why?" Neji asked.
"Because I know how much you hate the Main House and I don't need you to hate it any MORE because then I'll just have to listen to even more rants about it and I SO do not want to hear anymore about it." Lee answered.
"Whatever happened to you thinking next time you opened your mouth?" Neji said.
"I said I would do it." Lee said. "And I thought before I said that."
"Thought about WHAT?" Neji said, flabbergasted. "How you could potentially insult me MORE?"
"What are you guys doing?" came a voice behind them. They turned around to see Tenten standing there.
"Hey, I thought you went to the beach!" said Lee.
"It was closed today!" said Tenten, walking over. "You guys want to train?"
"Not right now." Lee said. "We're trying to think of a way to—"
Then Lee stopped and looked at Neji who was shaking his head slightly.
"—To…" Lee said, trying to think quick. "To…uh…tell you that…uh…"
"That…we don't…feel like training right now." Neji said.
"Yeah!" said Lee. "We're trying to think of a way to tell you that we don't feel like training anymore!"
Tenten rolled her eyes. "Okay…" she said. "I'm NOT extremely suspicious of that at all…"
"Oh good." Said Lee with a sigh of relief.
Neji slapped his forehead.
"But whatever." Tenten said. "I don't feel much like training either. I'll leave you guys to what you were doing and I'll just head home."
With that, Tenten turned and left.
"Whew, I didn't think she was going to buy it for a second there." Lee said, taking a deep breath.
Neji shook his head, feeling a little embarrassed FOR Lee.
"Hey, let's pull a prank on Tenten instead!" said Lee.
"NO." said Neji, grabbing Lee's shoulders. "We are going to make the Main House suffer."
"Neji, pranking isn't supposed to be centered around someone suffering!" said Lee. "You don't understand the art of pranking someone else! The main idea is to make someone the butt of your joke, publicly laugh at them and then everyone gets over it in the end and a black circle engulfs the group happily!"
"Lee." Said Neji, letting go of Lee. "Your mouth was moving, but I didn't hear a word of it."
"Okay…let's think…" Lee said.
"Short of killing them, I have nothing." Neji admitted with a sigh. "Do you know what the time is?"
"Probably forty-five minutes after we were supposed to have a training session." Lee said. "Meaning…quarter to six."
"Almost dinner time." Neji said, standing up. "If I'm not back on time then everyone will be angry, especially since I didn't tell anyone I was leaving."
"Oh good!" said Lee. "I always think better on a full stomach!"
"Lee, you're not invited to come along." Neji said.
"Why not?" Lee asked.
"Because." Neji replied.
"That's not a very good reason." Lee said when Neji didn't continue.
"Because you're not a Hyuuga, that's why." Neji said.
"Well, that's STILL not a very good reason, but it's better than the other one so I guess I'll accept it." Lee said. "How about I walk you back then?"
"I can walk back on my own." Neji said.
"But we can brainstorm on the way back!" said Lee enthusiastically.
"Oh…okay then." Neji said.
The two of them started back, unable to think up a good way to prank the Main House the whole way. Finally, Neji reached his house and opened the door.
"Lee, let's do this tomorrow." He said.
Lee stopped and listened. Neji noticed Lee was listening and started listening as well.
"What are you listening to?" Neji asked.
"Is there ALWAYS music playing in the background of your house?" Lee asked.
Neji listened. "Classical, I guess." Neji said. "I'm used to it."
"So you probably have some kind of radio that channels throughout the entire villa, right?" Lee said.
"Probably." Neji answered. "Why?"
"No reason." Lee replied as he turned around and frolicked off. Neji decided to think of it no more and just go inside where everyone was getting ready to start dinner.
Neji decided to ignore Lee, something he was definitely going to regret later. So he went into the house and towards the kitchen where all the other Hyuugas were hanging out. You see, you might not know this, but all the Hyuugas get together for every single dinner and eat together! Why, you got a problem with it?
Neji sat down at the table in his regular seat and they were JUST about to get started when they suddenly heard some faint laughter.
"What…?" said some random confused Hyuuga person.
Suddenly, a loud beat began to play. It was loud. EXTREMELY loud. And also extremely familiar. It wasn't long until Neji recognized it as… the Macarena. And it was playing so loudly that no one could hear themselves think.
"Lee…" Neji said angrily under his breath as he stormed out of the room to find Lee. He went down to the central Hyuuga control area and saw Lee by a large stereo like device while dancing the Macarena. He didn't notice Neji walk in. "Just a bitch slap, that's all he needs." Neji mumbled to himself as he walked over to Lee slowly.
Then Lee jumped and turned, spotting Neji. "HI NEJI!!" Lee yelled over the loud music. He turned around and lowered the volume. "Wasn't that a good idea for a prank?"
"Lee, you realize that that was more of a prank on ME than on the Main House, of course?" Neji said, fuming. Lee was only a few more steps away and then he would receive the bitch slap of his life.
"It was actually a complete coincidence that it played the Macarena." Lee admitted. "I just put in a dance CD and that's the first song on the track!"
Then Lee was in range. And Lee got bitch slapped so hard he was knocked into next week. This made Neji feel slightly better, but then realized blaming Lee for his ignorance would be silly.
Of course. It was all the MAIN HOUSE'S fault, after all. It always is.