Well, Elf, I decided to continue the series…MWAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!
Disclaimer: Star Wars does not belong to me, unfortunately…however, I am Jandalf the Orange and therefore I own the character Master Jandalf. The character Padawan Tiana is owned by Elf with a Lightsaber…and we are both very insane, as a side note. Everything else ain't ours!
Oh, yes…Elf actually wrote most of this, even though I started it. So. On with the spoof thingie.
The Incredibly Stupid And Random Dramatic Series Continues With Another Epic But Lame B-Movie Title While The Narrator Gripes About Her Friend Duplicating Her Ridiculously Long Titles, But Doesn't Actually Mind That Much, As A Ridiculously Long Title By Any Other Person Is Still Ridiculously Long And Stupid…Gosh, I'd Better Get On With The Real Title…Here It Is:
Paint Wars: Attack Of The Garlic
Typical Introduction Used In The Last Episode: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... there were Jedi Knights. And these Jedi were the upholders of the peace... and the wielders of the Force...
The masters were serious all the time, and the Jedi Temple was a place of quiet contemplation... well, not all the time... Sometimes strange things happened...
Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi whistled Tango de Roxan (the tango song from "Moulin Rouge", for the uninformed) as he sauntered down the hall. Everything had been fixed from the previous misadventure; Anakin had gotten cloned with a transfer of memory, Yoda's pink dye had been eventually scrubbed off, and Masters Mace Windu and Jandalf were finally off janitorial duty for committing the horrible deed of dyeing the senior Council member pink. So, in essence, life was back to normal…even the notoriously insane Master-Padawan pair that had wreaked their terrible terrible destruction in the previous episode. Yes, even they were back to their normal insane selves.
Which is why Obi-Wan walked with caution-
Suddenly, any observers which happened to be passing by saw the flash of a medal pole (don't ask me why it's "medal" instead of "metal"; ask Elf) and immediately heard a sound not unlike 152763 people saying "THWACK".
Obi-Wan dropped like a dead lemur.
"MWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" screamed Padawan Tiana, and swung her medal pole viciously. "GOTCHA!!!!!"
Of course, Obi-Wan died... as usual...
"Padawan!" cried Jandalf. "YOU KILLED HIM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!"
Tiana shrugged, and hid the medal pole behind her back. (Note by Elf: I use medal because I am stubborn... and will not change it. Besides, who says it's not a MEDAL pole... there's a metal pole too...lol) "I'm sorry, master," she replied. "Can't we just clone him again?"
Jandalf sighed, and rolled her eyes.
Ever since the first garlic episode, everyone had been avoiding Yoda, who had this strange passion for garlic pizzas all of a sudden. They suspected that Anakin was at the bottom of the story... but, being that he was like that... no one knew. It had something to do with mathematical theories regarding cloning... but we all know Tiana... she didn't do math.
Obi-Wan sat up and attacked Tiana with his lightsaber, for some odd reason.
"...you're dead...?" said Tiana, countering his blows with her medal pole, which, for some reason, was lightsaber-proofed. "IT'S A CONPSIRACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yoda walked in during their fight, during which Jandalf was hitting her head on the wall, and Anakin was smuggling garlic into the temple. "Garlic pizza?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" sceamed Jandalf, diving at the Jedi Master who still looked faintly pinkish, but was his normal green shade now.
There was a sound effect that sounded like (you guessed it...) 152763 people saying kavaam!
Yoda didn't disappear.
"...That's odd..." mused Jandalf, oblivious to the fact that the wraith-turned Obi-Wan Kenobi was killing her Padawan.
Obi-Wan knocked Tiana unconscious, for what reason, I'm sure you can guess.
Anakin, in the meantime, invented garlic flavored toothpaste... mixed with Arsenic... of course.
Suddenly Yoda turned purple with red polkadots.
"That's even odder..." said Jandalf.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Yoda screamed. "TURNED STRANGE COLORED, I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In the meantime, Anakin was planting garlic plants in the flower pots.
At the same time, Tiana stood up, and noticed that her medal pole had broken. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" She attacked Obi-Wan... "YOU KILLED MY MEDAL POLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She glared at him, and incinerated him accidentally.
At the same time, Jandalf was trying to figure out why Yoda had changed colors while at the same time he was killing her.
...Yaddle walked in, with a garbage can and a broom.
Everyone turned to look at her. "What?!"
"Gave her janitor duty, I did," said Yoda. "Fainted from my garlic breath, she did."
He breathed out, and everyone fainted.
Anakin hid the garlic that he was growing, all 152763 plants of them...
...And all this took place in that galaxy far, far away. However, this was a normal day for the Jedi, being that Tiana and Jandalf were knocked out from the garlic stench.
Normally, things were more crazy, for when the insane duo weren't unconscious or being attacked by Obi-Wan's clone... they were wreaking havoc in the Jedi Temple…
"Errrr…" said Jandalf, looking at Obi-Wan's clone, which was lying on the floor as a heap of ashes.
You guessed it. Dead.
Tiana put on her most serious expression, hiding the medal pole behind her back. "What, Master?"
"Obi-Wan's a heap of ashes, Padawan. That's not good."
"Why not?"
"Because he doesn't look as good as a heap of ashes," Jandalf explained.
"Oh." Tiana grinned.
"No. We're not repeating the shaving cream thing."
Tiana sulked. "Fine."
All of a sudden, Jandalf started crying, and this time it wasn't because her Padawan was cutting an onion. "I DON'T FEEL AS RANDOM TODAY!!!! THIS SUCKS!!!" Then, with a noise that sounded awfully like 152763 people saying "thwack", an idea hit her. "Let's go dye Yoda pink."
Tiana blinked. "But he was already dyed pink."
"Not NEON pink…MWAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
They laughed insanely, then headed off to ambush the Jedi Master.
"1+5 4 (0|\|5P1|24('/," said Tiana, for some odd reason, speaking so that no one else could understand her. "\/\/4|\|+ 50/\/\3 G4|2|1(?" she asked.
Jandalf rolled her eyes dramatically. "PUT THAT AWAY, PADAWAN!!!" she screamed, once she had translated what her Padawan had said, being that reading |33t is easier than translating it when it is being spoken... partly because one can't exactly speak it.
Tiana waved around the garlic. "Why, master? You were the one who introduced the garlic to me anyhow..."
Jandalf whacked the garlic out of her Padawan's hand. "BY ALL OF XENDOR'S MINIONS, THAT IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! EVIL!!!!!!!! THE GARLIC IS EVIL, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
Tiana had backed away considerably by this point.
"(0/\/\3 |-|3|23!!!!!!!!!" ordered Jandalf.
Tiana looked perplexed.
Jandalf laughed maniacally, and fell into a vat of orange dye, placed there by Master Yoda to trap the unsuspecting.
"Well, like that did anything," she muttered, as she climbed out of the tub, a bit more oranger than normal, but other then that, normal.
Tiana was laughing hysterically in the background.
There were two sound effects, one of which sounded faintly like 152763 people saying kavamm and the other like 152763 people falling into a bucket of water.
"At least the auther didn't deside to dye me pink," gripped Tiana, as she climbed out of a ridiculously large bucket of water, her Jedi robes soaking wet.
"Yeah, then she'd be stealing MY plots," replied the even oranger Jandalf. "At least she did something else to you!"
"Yeah, because I'M her," replied Tiana, to her orange master. "That does cause for problems."
"By all of Xendor's minions," muttered Jandalf, stealing her Lord of the Clings line, but who cares anyhow.
Suddenly all of Xendor's minions popped out with a sound that sounded remarkably like 152763 people saying kavaam.
Jandalf rolled her eyes.
Tiana ate some garlic.
All of Xendor's minions died from her garlic breath.
Anakin nervously planted more garlic plants.
Obi-Wan returned from the dead.
Yoda ordered more garlic pizzas, and accidentally killed Veregre, who didn't even exist, so that was useless.
Obi-Wan decided that he didn't like being incinerated, and that he was going to haunt Tiana.
The Eye of Sauron appeared, and incinerated Mace Windu for attempting to incinerate the Jedi Temple.
Mace turned into a heap of ashes.
Frodo attempted to destroy the ring.
Tiana chewed gum, until she realized that it had arsenic in it, then she gave some to Jandalf, who was smart enough not to take the gum.
Yoda turned orange because he fell into his own trap.
Tiana and Jandalf finally decided not to sit around, and went to find something else evil to do... which involved strangling Anakin, and cloning Yoda so that they could torment him for no reason.
This, sadly, is what happened when they were bored... which was often, for the counsel didn't dare send the crazy duo out on missions.
However, Yoda had been expecting them to do something odd, and the now orange and slightly purple colored Jedi master ambushed them, and dumped white paint on Jandalf... which... strangely, didn't change her orange appearance, and she was just the slightly pale orange Jedi/Wizard.
Tiana, however, was susceptible to the paint, and her hair turned green as a result of paint being dumped on her head. Oddly enough, she remained white though...
But the Padawan didn't appreciate being greenish, though her master had learned to live with being orange, so she decided to plant garlic in the Council Room.
After they had finshed ambushing Yoda... (Jandalf had planted the Neon pink paint over the door for good measure... they decided to leave. However, the two Jedi forgot that if you opened the door, the pink dye would spill, and... well... I think you get what happened...
"I'M PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And it just so happened that the Jedi Counsel happened by at that time too.
Mace Windu laughed.
The Eye incinerated him.
Yoda laughed.
Jandalf attempted to kavaam him somewhere...
Tiana threw garlic at him, and wondered where the Remote Control of Doom was when you needed it.
Yoda incinerated... and then came back to life because Anakin used his Dark powers... *And all shall love me and despair...*
Tiana sighed. "I'm pink now."
"Not just pink," added Jandalf. "Hot Neon pink."
"Sigh. Does this wash out, master?" asked Tiana. "Or will I forever be Tiana the pink with green hair?"
Jandalf attempted to hide her laughs.
"I assume that means yes," sighed Tiana.
"Yes, Padawan," answered Jandalf, laughing crazily. "I believe so."
Tiana rolled her eyes. "I wonder if garlic will wash out pink dye. I HATE PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I doubt that it will, Padawan," answered Jandalf.
"Then will shaving cream?"
"Arrrrrrggggghhhhh... Padawaaaaaannnnnnnnnn..........."
Tiana sighed. "Want some garlic?"
"...PADAWAN!!!!!" screamed Jandalf.
"I'm sorry, master. But why did you have to use PERMANENT DYE TO AMBUSH YODA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
Jandalf sighed, and contemplated the meaning of life. "I'm sorry, Padawan, but Yoda the Neon Pink would've been sooooooooo funny."
She took the garlic anyhow.
"Where did you get all the garlic anyhow...?" asked Jandalf.
"Well... I couldn't help it, master..." said Tiana. "I mean, Anakin is sooooooooooooooo cute... and when he gave me the garlic........."
"What about Ani?" asked Jandalf, eating the garlic mindlessly.
"Well... he's so cute. And he DID have 152763 garlic plants..." started Tiana.
"...cute..." said Jandalf. "That little BRAT?!"
"Well, yeah... I mean, you did like Obi-Wan... who is now a pile of ashes," replied Tiana. "And Ani is just sooooooo... and he did have so much... all 152763 plants..."
Jandalf choked on her garlic. "152763 OF THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHERE IS THAT LITTLE BRAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!"
She strangle-held Anakin, seeing him attached to the roof. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG... DIE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Um, don't you mean, Dye, you little brat," corrected Tiana, quietly.
"Oh yes... DYE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Anakin raised his eyebrows...
"Umm... master?" asked Tiana. "I thought we went over this. No more killing the chosen one."
"DYE, DIE, CHOSEN BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |)13, '/0U |1++|3 8|24+!!!!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." Anakin sceamed. "I'M DYING!!!!!"
"Not AGAIN!!!!!!" shouted Obi-Wan.
"You are dead." Tiana glared at him.
"Not anymore."
She sighed.
"I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!!!!!!" Anakin continued shouting, and Jandalf continued trying to kill him.
"You're dead," said Tiana, dryly.
"All the more incentive," replied Jandalf.
"Sigh." Obi-Wan sighed, and went back to being dead.
"MASTER, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!" shouted Anakin.
Obi-Wan's voice came from the distance. "I can't carry the garlic for you Anakin..."
Jandalf rolled her eyes. "Oh, where was I...? Oh yes... DIE, CHOSEN BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"DIE, OBI-WAN!!!!" shouted Tiana. "...Wait, he's already dead. Drat. Oh well."
"DIE, ANAKIN!!!!" shouted Jandalf.
"DIE, ANAKIN!!!!!!!" screamed Tiana, who wanted someone to pick on "DYE, YODA!!!!!!"
"THAT'S THE SPIRIT, PADAWAN!!!!!! Wait, not Yoda..."
"No way, not Yoda. I said DYE..."
"Okay."
Anakin rolled his eyes.
Yoda walked in, called by the commotion.
"Erm... hi, master Yoda..." said Jandalf, hiding behind her Padawan.
"Hi, MASTER YODA!!!!" called the distantly pink and green Padawan, with a very orange figure hiding behind her... "WANT SOME GARLIC!!!!!!!"
"What is going on?" asked Yoda. "Understand myself, I cannot. Hmmmmm, not good, that is not. Sign of doom, it is, yes, hmmmmmmmm..."
Tiana waved the garlic around in front of Yoda's face.
Yoda fainted.
"Ahh... great thinking, Padawan," said Jandalf.
"Thank you, master."
Jandalf wrinkled her nose. "That smells. We're not alone..."
Anakin ran for dear life.
"What are you talking about, he's not dear," said Jandalf.
After a moments pause, as we figure out how she knew what I said, we will carry on with the story.
.................
*pause pause*
(^^)
(^^)
Ah, there, that's better....
"Ah... I'll put it away now, master," said Tiana. "Want some Arsenic?"
"This time, put it in a Ziploc... AND NOT IN YOUR MOUTH, THIS TIME!!!!!" said Jandalf. "No! NOT ARSENIC!"
"Scope, then?" asked Tiana.
"No." Jandalf handed Tiana a Ziploc, and she double bagged the garlic.
"Now let us see to gargling," said Jandalf, once her Padawan had finished. "Ah, yes..."
"Without the shaving cream?" asked Tiana. "And no Arsenic?"
"Ah, yes..." Jandalf went off topic. "Yes, my young Padawan, you must learn the art of gargling... Yes, without the shaving cream!"
Suddenly, Mace Windu appeared with a can of shaving cream...
"????????" said Jandalf.
"0|-|, D34|2...." said Tiana.
Jandalf glared at her.
"\/\/3'|23 D00/\/\3D!!!!" said Tiana.
"What are you doing here, Mace?" asked Jandalf, trying to ignore her pesky Padawan.
Mace cackled crazilly, and sprayed shaving cream everywhere...
Everything went black... err, WHITE!
"AHHHHHHHHH.... NOOOOOOOO... BAD MACE!!!! NO COOKIE FOR YOU!!!!!!" shouted Jandalf.
"I am powerful..." said Mace.
"GIVE ME THAT!" Jandalf grabbed the shaving cream canister.
"Akkkk! NOOO!!! MY PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!" Mace grabbed for his shaving cream.
"It's not yours anymore..."
Jandalf sprayed him, and kavaamed him to Tatooine. "Ha, there. Now maybe you'll think twice about going around, spraying other innocent Jedi! Sigh... the madness, Padawan, the madness."
"Hey!" exclaimed Tiana. "Shaving cream removes pink dye! Sweet! Oh, and master, do you really consider us innocent?"
"I don't know," answered Jandalf, as she sat down, and pondered the meaning of life.
Tiana looked in a mirror. "Meh," she replied. "My hair is still green."
"That's an interesting concept," said Jandalf, thoughtfully.
"What? My hair, or that we're not innocent?"
"I think both, Padawan," replied Jandalf, who was still orange, because that's her trademark, and she must STAY orange.
Tiana hid some more garlic.
Jandalf sighed. "This isn't going to end."
"Nope. '/0U K2||3D /\/\'/ |=4+|-|3|2!!!!" said Tiana, grinning. (You killed my father.)
"I should think not," replied Jandalf.
Tiana looked around the now shaving cream splattered Temple. "Hey! My medal pole is still here!!!!"
Jandalf shook her head. "This is crazy." She pulled out her cell phone, and ordered a garlic pizza.