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Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Gai

Drunken Stupor

This is was also a request by unmei0wa0fushigi. Mainly, all that was said was; "I finally caught up to the manga and when I saw Lee get drunk, it was the best thing in the world. You guys -must- do a chapter on it! Or at least include it into a chapter some way..." ARGH! We LIVE to serve our fans so if we -must- do a chapter including Lee being intoxicated then it shall be done! (Oh and if you're confused about the whereabouts of that party for the Hokage… we didn't write it. Sorry.)

One day, Neji, Tenten and Lee were doing something different with their time. They were TRAINING!!

"Hey Neji, will you give me a rematch today?" Lee asked randomly.

"Lee, you got your rematch last week." Said Neji, sounding bored. "Until you get stronger, I'm not going to fight you again. It's just a waste of my time and yours too."

"Not to mention MINE!" said Tenten but she was ignored.

Then Gai appeared out of nowhere. Actually, it wasn't out of nowhere, just through some trees that were conveniently placed for hiding in.

"Good morn, youthful students!" said Gai.

"Good morning, Gai!!" said Lee, standing up straight like a soldier and saluting to his teacher.

"At ease, Lee!" chuckled Gai.

"You didn't say you were stopping by today." Said Tenten.

"I decided that there is something very vital I must speak to you all about." Gai announced. "But, you and Neji can wait here."

He grabbed Lee and dragged him off where they could speak in private.

"What is it, Gai?" said Lee eagerly.

"I couldn't help but overhear your request for a rematch with Neji!" said Gai, giving Lee the nice guy pose.

"Yeah but he refused…" said Lee, lowering his head.

"I overheard that was well!" said Gai as he put his arm around Lee and pointed off into the sunset that the two of them had conjured up with their youthful glow. "You know Lee, what I'm about to suggest to you is highly unprofessional and slightly illegal!"

"What?" asked Lee. "Is it another forbidden jutsu?"

"…Forbidden for all those under 21!" Gai said dramatically. "I have a way that you will be able to defeat Neji."

"How?" Lee said willingly.

Gai leaned over to Lee. "The Drunken Fist." He whispered ever so quietly that one would have difficulty hearing him.

Meanwhile, Tenten and Neji were training.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Tenten asked as she threw some shuriken at a pole.

Neji looked up from his current activity of beating up a pole. "Does it matter?" he said.

Tenten shrugged. "I'm just curious…" she admitted.

"Trust me, nothing those two ever talk about is worth pondering for." Neji said, going back to his pole smiting. He knew he was way above Lee and Gai's conversations.

Tenten went back to her shuriken throwing, deciding it was no use to try to get Neji to admit that he really did want to hear their conversation because, for all she knew, he genuinely was not interested. Just as they were getting back to being engrossed in their activities, Lee and Gai came back.

Gai quickly pushed Lee forward and ran off as fast as he could.

"Lee, are you all right?" Tenten asked, noticing that Lee didn't look like himself.

"Of course I am!" said Lee dramatically. "I'm better than all right because today is the day I will defeat YOU, Neji!"

"Oh really." Said Neji, OBVIOUSLY not looking convinced.

"Yes!" said Lee, whipping out a bottle of alcohol.

Neji and Tenten only looked at him as he chugged the whole thing down.

"…"

Then he staggered a little bit and dropped the bottle.

"OKAY!" he said finally. "Let's fight!"

"Wait, did I just see that correctly?" Neji said. "Are you really so desperate that you are intoxicating yourself in vain hope that in your drunken stupor, you'll be able to defeat me?"

"YES!!" yelled Lee.

Then Gai came back, but AWAY from where Lee, Tenten and Neji were. He beckoned for Tenten to come over and she did. "You may not know this!" Gai called to Neji. "But Lee is an NATURAL at the Drunken Fist!"

"Was this YOUR idea?" said Neji.

"MAYBE!" said Gai, sounding as innocent as possible.

"FIGHT ME!!" Lee yelled at Neji.

"Fine, I'll just prove to you that the Drunken Fist is something you cannot be a genius of." Said Neji, getting into his stance. He figured he'd end the fight before it even began by charging at Lee and knocking his lights out. He charged at Lee, but never got to the knocking his lights out first. Lee jumped up into the air and landed behind Neji. Of course, Neji would have none of this Lee HITTING him so he spun around to block.

"Gai, did you really give Lee alcohol?" said Tenten.

"No." said Gai. "It's just a Kool-Aid! I couldn't bring myself to hurt Lee's youthful glow by making him drink UNDERAGE! But I figured if I TOLD him that it was alcohol then it would have the same effect!"

"Oh, like a placebo, right?" Tenten said.

"Exactly!" said Gai.

"Sorry, but I don't know if Kool-Aid is really going to help Lee beat Neji." Tenten admitted.

But as soon as she said that, they both observed as Lee handed his first punch on Neji. EVER. Neji flew across his very own favorite training area and hit a tree.

"HA!" laughed Lee. "Come and get some of this!"

"All right, this ends here." Said Neji, standing up and getting a serious look on his face. Of course, it's not like he previously had a goofy look on his face, but now he was just EXTRA serious.

He charged at Lee and they continued their battle.

"Wow, I can't believe it's actually working." Tenten commented.

"The passion of youth is the strongest passion of all!!" Gai said as if that had any sort of relevance to what Tenten had said.

"Gai, is it really okay to let them duke it out like that?" Tenten said. "Usually you're the one to break them up when they're fighting. In a way, you sort of instigated this one."

Gai smiled and his teeth went PING! "I usually break up their fights because those are the times Lee is LOSING!" he said. "Today, Lee in WINNING!"

"And to think I ever had any doubts in my mind as to whether or not you liked Lee the best…" Tenten sighed.

"Don't worry, Tenten." Said Gai as he put an arm around Tenten. "The only reason I like Lee better is because I was able to make him exactly like me. If you two had done so then I would have liked you guys more. But it's not like I DON'T like you! I just PREFER Lee!"

"Gai, you can't get out of a hole by digging more." Said Tenten.

"Fine." Said Gai, dropping his hand off Tenten's shoulder. "You're my least favorite then."

"Whatever." Said Tenten.

By this time, the battle between Lee and Neji had gotten MAD exciting. Lee was crazy and "drunk", while Neji was infuriated that he was starting to bleed and his white shirt was getting dirty.

"Ha ha ha ha!" laughed Gai warmly. It was pretty obvious that he was enjoying this.

"I had no idea that placebos worked this well." Said Tenten. "Are you sure you gave him Kool-Aid?"

"Of course I'm sure!" said Gai as he whipped out a bottle that was labeled 'Kool-Aid'. "I switched them before I even got here and cleaned out the bottles thoroughly! I'm not THAT irresponsible!"

Tenten looked at the bottle. "Gai… that looks an awful lot like Kool-Aid." She commented.

"What?" Gai said, taking a good look at it. He opened up the cork and took a sip, then gasped. "It IS the Kool-Aid!! I remember now! This idea came to me in my sleep and I guess I dreamt up the part about me cleaning out the bottles and switching them and didn't realized that I had awakened!!"

"And THAT'S not irresponsible?!" said Tenten, sounding annoyed.

"I gave Lee the alcohol!!" gasped Gai, slapping his cheeks. "Tenten, we must stop the battle!!"

"We?" said Tenten.

"YES!!" yelled Gai as he ran out in between the two of the feuding students just as they were about to charge at each other and unleash their special moves from the fiery pits of HECK! (Yes, from Heck. This IS a PG story after all.) "STOP THIS FIGHT!!" yelled Gai.

"What the hell?!" demanded Neji. "I was about to defeat him!"

"Oh no you weren't!" said Gai as he held back Lee. "You can't defeat Lee while he's like this! You're just lucky that he didn't do anything drastically serious to injure you!"

"Lee can't injure me." Said Neji. "Get out of my way so I can beat him."

"LET ME AT 'IM!!" said Lee, swinging his fists crazily.

"NO, Lee!!" yelled Gai as he spun around and punched Lee as hard as he could. It was Lee's turn to travel across Neji's favorite training area and crash into a tree.

"Gai, I can—" started Neji.

"Neji, don't make me punch you too." Gai threatened, shaking his fist at Neji.

"…Okay…" said Neji, stepping back a bit. He was glad that he at least got a warning.

"All right, I want you all to continue going about your business as if I had never come in the first place!" said Gai.

"Right, sure." Said Neji in that tone that obviously showed that as soon as Gai was gone, he would turn around and resume the fight.

Gai is pretty astute, though, despite what you may have learned throughout this chapter. "And Tenten will be the official tattle-tale!" said Gai. "If I hear anything from her about you two fighting again then I will not permit you to enter the chuunin exam! EVER!! And you will be my student, Neji, FOREVER!!"

"Okay, fine." Said Neji in that tone that obviously showed that he would never go against Gai's wishes.

"As you were!" said Gai as he strutted away.