Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to the amazing J.K. Rowling. I own nothing but the plot.

A/N: Well, as you can probably guess, this story won't be finished by November 3rd, seeing as that would be tomorrow. I realized this in school one day, and mentally Avada Kedavra'd all my teachers, the school building, textbooks, the lunch ladies, school posters, janitors, locker room....okay, you get the point - SCHOOL SHOULD DIE!! Ahem. Right. The small amounts of writing time I've had in between school, sleeping, eating, and showering were spent improving this chapter. When I first typed it, it was six pages long and once I started adding more, it became eight :) So I hope you enjoy!! (You, unlike certain learning institutions, should not die, but live happy little perfect lives cause you all left me a great amount of wonderful reviews)

SotMoon: Thank you so much for reviewing every chapter since 7. I was so excited to see so many reviews from one person, lol. If I ever had the chance to give Draco a hug, I would probably never let go. Or kidnap him and take him away from his father forever :)

Alynna Lis Eachann: Thank you SO MUCH for telling me about Realizations!! Wishweaver has updated it a lot since I last read it, so I've got a bunch of chapters to read, lol. Thanks for the review!



The Pain Within
Chapter 19: Removing The Mask



Agility and spell knowledge are the two most important factors of dueling, Lupin lectured that Friday night in the group's mirrored room. His students were seated in front of him and were listening intently (well, almost all of them at least) while his teaching partner stood off to the side with a sour look on his face. Can you, using logic, tell me why?

No one was shocked that Hermione volunteered.

Extensive knowledge of spells enables one to use a larger assortment on their opponent, therefore incorporating the element of surprise and hopefully giving one the advantage, she seemingly recited. She inhaled before her next answer, but Draco cut off her explanation.

Agility allows quicker reactions, he drawled, leaning his head on one arm of his chair. If you're not quick, it's safe to say you're screwed, he said casually, swinging his legs over the other arm of the chair.

Thanks for the uplifting encouragement, Fred remarked sarcastically.

Lupin chuckled. Both Hermione and Draco are correct. Knowledge of many spells and quickness are of utmost importance when you engage in a duel.

There are also rules that all proper duelists follow, Snape spoke.

No Death Eater is going to play fair, sir. They only have one goal.

Snape scowled. While that is true, Draco, you still should learn the rules.

Before starting, bow in respect. Stay alert. Try not to provoke opponent with derogatory terms. Always focus aim. Never physically touch opponent, the blond rattled off.

Snape narrowed his eyes at Draco's smart-arse display of knowledge. Draco is right, he said in a monotone. Bowing shows respect and acknowledgement of the rules. You stay alert for obvious reasons. Generally, you are not supposed to provoke your opponent, in case they decide to use a drastic spell such as an Unforgivable or Deadly. Always focus your wand aim so you hit your target and the spell does not bounce back at you. And you never physically touch your opponent because it is believed that it defeats the purpose of wand dueling; also, one partner may be larger than the other and would have an unfair advantage, Snape elaborated. Any questions?

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, and George all shook their heads in the negative while Draco blankly stared into space. Lupin relieved Snape.

Does anyone remember the proper dueling stance you maintain? After the bowing, of course.

Wand above head, pointed at opponent. Opposite hand stretched toward opponent, palm down. Or, wand hand stretched toward opponent, and the opposite hand above head, clenched into a fist. Feet slightly spread apart, with one in front of the other, Draco answered immediately, his eyes never leaving the imaginary point they were focused on.

Very good, Snape said thinly. Wand arm above your head, pointed at your opponent. He demonstrated by pointing at them.

Or, wand arm stretched toward your opponent, Lupin added, also demonstrating.

Feet slightly apart, in sort of a lunge position. Can anyone guess why? Snape asked, already knowing who would answer.



Yes, Draco. Mobility - you are able to rock back and forth, pivot, or jump to the side if need be, Snape explained, as Remus illustrated each movement. And finally, the arm opposite your wand arm straight out in front of you.

Or clenched into a fist above your head, Lupin supplemented. Draco, why's that?

To guide the aim of your spells. To keep your target in focus, the boy replied as if he were spitting back memorized information. His eyes were now closed and a hand rested on his forehead.

Correct. Everyone got that?

Remus, how will stretching your hand in front of you or clenching it into a fist guide spells that you're casting with the other hand?

Lupin chuckled. Tough concept to understand, Harry. The only thing I can compare it to is this: Have you ever watched a Muggle baseball game? The raven-haired boy nodded. Well, when a player throws, he stretches his non-throwing arm forward to guide the ball into his teammate's glove. It's the same principle.

Harry nodded in comprehension.

Last week you worked on agility and reflexes; this week, you'll continue, just in proper dueling form, Remus announced. But first, Severus and myself will demonstrate a duel.

Actually, Lupin, I was wondering if Draco could take your place, since he enjoyed flaunting his knowledge of dueling, and we seem to be boring him, Snape said, voice rising at the end of his statement.

Draco lazily cracked open his eyes. You're not boring me; I was listening. Besides, this is all a review for me. A professional duelist was hired when I was younger to properly train me. My father insisted on practicing' with me after each lesson, so I had no choice but to learn. Dying was not an option, he finished quietly.

Well, neither is this. We'll have a little Slytherin duel, Snape coaxed, a strange glint of satisfaction in his dark eyes, which went unnoticed by Draco.

Draco swung his feet over the chair and hesitated a second before opening his eyes and glaring at Snape.

he snapped. But all spells are in, except Unforgivables.

We are not performing the Deadlies or the Mentals, Draco.

I thought you wanted a Slytherin duel, Draco mocked. Upon seeing Snape's glare, he rolled his eyes. Whatever, fine, he muttered, standing and striding over to stand opposite Snape.

The Potions teacher twisted his mouth in what could be assumed was his equivalent for a smile. Good, are you ready?

Draco nodded and then remembered something, for he turned to his schoolmates with a hand on his hip and a smirk on his lips.

Now, don't you youngsters worry, you'll still have your Potions master when I'm through with him, never fear! he imitated with a toothy smile.

Fred, George, Ron, and Harry chuckled; even Snape found the impersonation amusing, but only because he would have kicked Lockhart's arse in a real duel. Hermione only sniffed indignantly.

That man was the stupidest dolt I'd ever seen, Ron announced. Hermione glared at him.

Draco nodded vigorously. Me too.

Can we start?

Draco took his dueling stance and nodded.

Snape raised his wand and said, On three...



They simultaneously shouted , so both were disarmed and fell to the floor. Once on their feet again, spells flew back and forth, strange ones that the others (save for Hermione and Remus) had never heard of. While they battled, Lupin pointed out certain aspects and tips.

See how Professor Snape pivots and ducks so easily? That's why you place one foot in front of the other.

Draco's guiding arm slipped a few inches, so his aim was slightly off there.

After Draco hit Snape with a nose-elongating hex, Snape pointed his wand to retaliate.

Exutum armaros! he bellowed.

Draco's eyes widened in recognition and he attempted to duck, but to no avail. The spell hit him, and he doubled over, dropping his wand and falling to his knees. His energy was drained from his body and color faded from his already pale face. The Gryffindors stared in horror as the Slytherin wilted like a dying rose in front of them.

What did you do to him? Harry cried.

That spell removes any protective spells or potions from an opponent's body, Snape replied, using a quick Finite Incantatum to remove all other spells from his and Draco's bodies. Judging by Draco's condition, he was using many.

Draco hissed furiously as dull pain pumped through his veins and his head began to feel heavy. He crawled over to the mirrored wall and watched as his Concealment Potion disappeared and his hideous bruises emerged, including any new ones he had acquired over the holiday break. He whirled around on the floor to face Snape.

You cheated! he accused, enraged.

And you lied, so we're even, Snape said.

Draco's eyes narrowed dangerously. I told you and Dumbledore the truth two nights ago.

It's Professor Dumbledore if you don't mind, and I am referring to lying to Madam Pomfrey when she had already done a spell to see exactly which potions you were taking. She wanted you to admit the truth so she didn't have to accuse you, but you didn't.

Draco leaned against the mirror and rested his elbows on his knees. He cradled his forehead in his hands, eyes squeezed shut. Fine, you caught me, whoop dee do, he muttered. Now would you kindly perform the counterspell so my potions will go back into effect?

Snape's forehead creased and his livid eyes widened. Draco! You really don't understand, do you?

Draco wearily lifted his head. No, I don't, he glared. Nor do I care; I just want my bruises hidden, my pain gone, and my strength back so we can stop wasting time and continue the dueling meeting, he said, closing his eyes and sighing.

Severus studied the teenager for a minute, pondering about his disposition since he had been asked to help spy; or even his entire life in general. Why won't you ever accept help, Draco? he inquired.

Draco scowled. I don't need help! There's nothing wrong! The only thing I needed was the possibility of a better future than laying around in Azkaban, and you gave me that, he told Snape. You all gave me that, he said, looking around, by accepting me and entrusting me with the secret of this group when I represent all that you are against. The hope for a better future is all I need. Nothing else, he declared, staring Snape in the eye. The former Slytherin walked toward him.

But what about now, Draco? Don't you see? You -

The present will continue just as the past has, Draco interrupted icily. I can deal with life by myself, as I have for the last sixteen years. Trust me, I am quite capable, seeing as I'm alive.

Capable, yes, Snape agreed. He eyed the boy inquisitively. But handling it the right way?

The blond sent him a hostile glare. Of course. Absolutely. There is no -

You are slowly killing yourself.

Draco's eyes dropped to the ground upon hearing the statement. No longer did they hold defiance, anger, or bitterness, but pure confirmed fear.

They're helping me, sir, he said softly. They're supposed to help me. Help me, not harm me, he reassured almost hysterically, although it couldn't be determined who he was trying to convince - the others or himself.

They're doing more harm than good, Draco, Severus told him a little less harshly. That's why you fell during the Quidditch game and have been experiencing frequent dizzy spells. Taking, what - four? - potions daily has a detrimental effect on your body.

Draco nodded and hung his head in defeat, he whispered, slightly paralyzed by panic as he realized how serious his situation really was. A jumble of emotions flowed through his body, but his mouth was unable to communicate them. For too long he had been forced to hide emotions, and now couldn't remember how to express them. They hovered inside him with no escape. His chin rested upon his knees and he chewed his bottom lip as the floor become a pensieve of his life. Memories and voices whirled around like a tornado and he wanted very much for them to leave him alone.

Don't you dare cry...Malfoys are always in control...You disgust me...Malfoys are the paradigm of power...Emotion is a sign of weakness...You WILL become a Death Eater...Never compare yourself to me...You will be punished, and not just by me...It is unacceptable to be beaten by a mere half-blood...You better not embarrass me...A mudblood is doing better than you?..You are to do what the Dark Lord says...One mistake, Draco, one mistake and you are done...Don't you dare tell me what to do...You worthless little piece of shit...You're nothing but a failure...There was no way out...

No way out...

No way out...

No way out...

No way out...

Draco's tightly squeezed his eyes shut to obscure the blurring images of his life and covered his ears with his arms to block the condemning voice that continued to chime in his head. It was becoming increasingly louder, and then changed to calling his name and shaking him.

Draco. Draco!

His eyes flew open, remembering the meeting and how he had gotten in this situation. He glared up at Snape who was leaning over him, hand on Draco's arm. His dark eyes bored curiously into Draco's.

What just happened? You looked to be in some type of trance; are you okay?

Draco shook his head. No, it was, I just, it - I'm fine, he finished breathlessly. It was nothing; I just blanked out, that's all. I'm fine.

Snape raised a greasy eyebrow suspiciously, so Draco looked at the others. Remus stood only a few feet away, prepared to help if Severus had needed it. The Golden Trio, Fred, and George all watched him with an emotion that was a distant cousin of worry. A pair of green eyes sent him a look of incredulous doubt. He tried to behold them all with a look of confidence, but his mask didn't seem to be functioning. Soon, they weren't the only people he saw.

Tonks' purple framed face popped into his head, the sparkle in her blue eyes concentrated just on him. McGonagall's stern features filled his mind, only they were a bit softened now. Bill Weasley's friendly countenance appeared with a hint of nonchalant apprehension. Even Moody's creepy magical eye joined them, anxiously trying to detect something. And suddenly he felt something wet slide down his cheek.





No what, Draco? Snape asked, a tone of concern evident in his voice.

The blond's eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

I'm not okay.







~*~*~
OMG, dudes, I just used symbolism. Wow. Nathaniel Hawthorne must be rubbing off on me. (If you've ever read The Scarlet Letter, you know he chokes you with symbolism.) Watch, probably no one picked up on it. If you did, lemme know so I can decide how well I did at incorporating it. (I used another literary technique in an earlier chapter, but I'll explain that in the end. Heh heh heh) PLEASE REVIEW!!

I really need to write shorter author's notes. Aghh, there's always next chapter...