Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Sex Ed

I don't know if this was actually the suggestion, but Ayako mentioned this in one of his/her reviews and we thought it sounded interesting. Believe you that we're already at Chapter 83? Wowie.

"Honestly, they're only twelve." Said Iruka to his jounin friends.

"MY students are thirteen." Said Gai.

"Nonetheless, I still think they're all too young to have visions of who they love and other things like that!" Iruka said. "And you four don't seem to be doing anything to discourage that! If anything, you seem to be ENCOURAGING it!"

"Love is a beautiful thing!" said Kurenai. "If they wish to love, then love they shall!"

"I agree!" said Asuma. "They're merely exploring their adolescence. Didn't YOU have a crush on anyone when you were young?"

"No!" said Iruka.

"That's probably why you don't have a girlfriend now." said Kakashi.

"I had a reason, though!" said Iruka. "Remember when we were younger, we had to take sex education as a part of graduation?"

"Good times." Sighed Gai with a grin.

"I was HORRIFIED!" Iruka admitted.

"You were the only one who took it seriously." Said Asuma.

"You see, that's why kids are so different nowadays!" said Iruka. "They're THINKING they're falling in love at younger ages because they didn't receive the proper education."

"In that case, Iruka, I believe it is your duty to teach our students about sexual education." Kurenai said, patting Iruka on the shoulder.

"Me?!" said Iruka. "No! I've got far more important things to do!!"

It didn't take very long for him to be convinced and to then be standing in front of the group of twelve students trying to get their attention.

"…Excuse me…" Iruka tried.

"Hey, how long is that going to last anyway?" said Lee, pulling at Neji's French braid.

"Back off." Said Neji, swatting Lee's hand away violently.

"Aww…it's so pretty!" laughed Tenten but Neji glared at her so hard that she almost fell over.

"What exactly are we doing again?" Kiba asked the general public, but directed mostly towards Shino and Hinata.

"Sex ed." Shino replied.

"Sex ed?" said Hinata, turning red.

"Shouldn't we be separated by gender?" Sakura questioned. "I don't want to deal with Naruto's immature antics!"

"I'm not immature!" said Naruto. "I can deal with sex ed stuff!"

"Yeah right, Naruto." Was all Sasuke said.

"This is probably one of the most troublesome things I have ever been forced into doing." Shikamaru commented.

"It won't be THAT bad, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"I just want to get this over with." Said Ino grumpily, crossing her arms.

"Um…attention everyone…?" said Iruka nervously. No one was really listening to him, so he figured he'd just get things started. He turned around and pulled down two rolled up posters. "Uh…this is a man… and this is a woman…"

The group was immediately silenced.

"Um…" Iruka said.

"Iruka, you have these posters lying around?" said Shikamaru.

"That's so crazy, Shikamaru!" said Chouji. "It's for educational purposes!"

"That's what he SAYS." Said Ino.

"HAHAHAHA!!" laughed Naruto, pointing and nearly falling out of his seat.

"See?" said Sakura. "You're so annoying, Naruto!!"

Sasuke only sat there with his head resting on his hands.

Likewise with Shino, except he was sitting straight up and adjusting his glasses constantly.

"Hinata, do you think I could hit a spitball at that poster of the man where the sun don't shine?" Kiba asked. "Well…apparently, the sun DOES shine for this guy."

Hinata was turning hundreds of colors of the rainbow and couldn't keep her face out of her hands.

"Why are we doing this?" said Neji, but it was more to himself.

"MY EYES!!!" yelled Lee, throwing his hands over his eyes and dropping to the ground.

"Lee, calm down." Said Tenten. "You're embarrassing me!"

"Okay, okay, everyone…" said Iruka.

"Excuse me, Iruka, but I'm uncomfortable with there being boys in this room while we learn about feminine issues and female anatomy!" said Ino, raising her hand.

"The whole point of this class is so that everyone can learn about both… er… anatomies." Iruka said. "So…"

He painfully and briefly looked back at his two charts.

"Okay…any questions?" he said, looking back at his students.

"Can I go to the bathroom?!" Lee said, springing up and running out of the room as fast as he could.

"…Okay." Said Iruka even though Lee had already left. "Any other questions?"

"I have a question." Said Kiba. "Okay, say you're—"

"Kiba, don't ask any questions." Shino interrupted.

"What?" said Kiba. "Why?"

"Because you're only going to embarrass yourself." Shino answered.

"Embarrass MYSELF?" said Kiba, sounding appalled. "Why Shino, if I didn't know better, I'd say YOU'RE the embarrassed one here."

Shino adjusted his glasses and ducked deeper into his collar.

"That's all right, Iruka." Said Kiba. "I don't need to know."

"The whole point of this class is to answer questions that you have." Said Iruka. "You shouldn't feel pressured by your peers to not ask any questions."

"Wouldn't it be better if we wrote down our questions and passed them in?" Tenten said.

"That takes too long!" said Sakura.

"…No, no." said Iruka. "You should be comfortable enough to just ask." Secretly, he didn't want to have to read the questions out loud because he KNEW that some of the pranksters in the class would put in BS questions.

The class sat there twiddling their thumbs for a minute or so.

"I have a question." Sasuke said.

Everyone hung on his words.

"When does this class end?" he asked.

"Um…when there are no more questions to be asked." Iruka replied.

"Oh." Said Sasuke. He looked at the class. "Are there anymore questions to be asked?"

Simultaneously, the class shook their heads.

"So can we go now?" Sasuke asked Iruka.

"Wait!" said Iruka. "We haven't even asked any questions yet! I don't think you all have a better understanding of sexual education! So…you guys have to ask at least uh… FIVE questions and then we can leave!"

"Okay…Lee's question, Sasuke's question and Kiba's HALF a question…" said Naruto, counting on his fingers. "Two and a half more questions!"

"Those didn't count!" said Iruka.

"This is so troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.

"Can I ask another half a question?" Kiba requested.

"That half a question didn't count!" said Iruka.

"Did the question I just ask count?" Kiba asked.

"No!" said Iruka.

"Only half a question left to go!" said Naruto. "Someone ask a half a question!"

"Hey, I have a question." Said Kiba. "Never mind."

"No, that was probably more of a THIRD of a question." Naruto said.

"None of the questions have counted so far!!" yelled Iruka, on the verge of a temper tantrum.

"Iruka, you WANT to take about sex and stuff, don't you?" said Naruto slyly.

Iruka immediately turned bright red, as well as a few of the more uncomfortable people in the class at the sound of the world 'sex'.

"Only for your education!" said Iruka.

"Well, that question I just asked was SO sexually educational that I think it counts as TEN questions!" said Naruto.

Kiba sprung up out of his seat and spread his arms out. "CLASS DISMISSED!!" he shouted.

"ALL RIGHT!!" cheered the students as they sprinted out the door.

"HEY!!" yelled Iruka as he started to chase after him but then he figured that he didn't want to do it anyway so he might as well quickly tuck away his posters and hopefully never have to look at them every again.