(An: Whee... reviews... (yes I've been on the cold meds and watching Yellow Submarine.. a lot.. shut up)... All of Kurt's past is gleaned from the InterNutter, who is either completely making it up or bothered to look it up in canon. Just in case you haven't figured it out with a rudimentary knowledge of German, Katja and Anja are pronounced like Katya and Anya. Got that?
S-O-C: Ooh, Drammamines nice.. I myself don't get car or airsick but it shuts my mum up and she does so it's nice.
Di: You promise? I'm getting eaten alive with begs for updates here.
HH: I was terrified that I'd get a flame shouting "Oh Moira's not like that you got it all wrong you SUCK.." but I didn't so I feel special.
Remember, when you review, I feel special, and when I feel special I write more.. it's a vicious but tidy cycle.)
Remy was curled up in a ball in the corner of the jet. Moira had suggested the position and had said if it didn't work to please not get sick on her nice shiny jet. He let out a soft moan. According to Moira, the jet was designed for speed and was still in an early stage. She had yet to work out something that would prevent the violent turbulence that went with a ride.
"Score one for the plane!" said Kurt, who marked down a tally on a list labeled Remy vs. The Plane. There were about thirteen tally marks under The Plane column, and three under Remy. He had started this little tally out of sheer and utter boredom. There weren't any speakers in the plane either. Speed, not comfort, remember?
"Shut up!" said Remy, and then looked as though he seriously regretted it.
"Score another!" cried Kurt and dutifully marked it down.
"AUGH!" screamed Remy and then grabbed the bag Rogue offered him.
Kurt fell backwards off his seat in a muffled fit of laughter, trying not to attract Remy's attention. Remy however was much too busy throwing up to notice it.
Kitty reached over and ticked off a tally. "That's fifteen, you owe me a buck," she said.
Kurt still couldn't speak.
Logan, up in the front, shook his head. "Kids," he muttered.
A FEW HOURS LATER, ALMOST GERMANY
Kurt was fidgeting quietly, trying not to scream.
"Elf. Calm DOWN," said Logan, glaring at him for a second.
"But it's my family," said Kurt, his tail thrashing. "This is like the me equivalent of Remy's trip down South."
"Hey, at least your family ain't tryin' t' fix y' up wit' a leech," said Remy, leaning against the wall. He had emptied his stomach but was feeling only slightly better.
"Yeah, but if they figure out Katzchen's my girlfriend.. I'm doomed," said Kurt. "And they've got some kind of 'Kurt sense' when it comes to things like that."
"Elf," said Logan. "Shut up and sit still. We'll deal with it when we get there, got it?"
Kurt instantly went still. You didn't argue with Logan when he was looking at you like that. "Yessir."
"Wow, you've got him trained," said Remy, clearly impressed.
Kurt got the distinct impression that Logan was doing his best to hide a smirk.
GERMANY, NEAR THE BLACK FOREST
"I'm doomed I'm doomed I'm doomed," said Kurt, repeating a soft litany over and over again.
"SHUT UP!" cried Rogue and Logan at the same time.
"I'm telling you, there's, like, a definite resemblance," said Kitty to Remy.
"And 'm sayin' dat's just scary, ok? So please, for what's left of m' sanity, drop it, hmm, petite?" replied Remy, looking scared at the thought.
"What are you guys talking about?" asked Rogue as they stepped out of the jet.
"Nothing," said Kitty and Remy in unison, both trying and failing to look innocent.
Rogue gave them a suspicious look but let the subject drop.
"Please tell me we're going away from Heirelgart?" asked Kurt as Logan pulled out the map Moira'd given him.
"No, actually, it's exactly where we're goin'," said Logan. "Why?"
"I'm from Heirelgart. Just you guys wait. The second we walk into that town I'll be ambushed," said Kurt, in the tone of someone walking down death row.
"But how could they, like, recognize you with the inducer?" asked Kitty, as Logan led them down the road toward a small village.
"The inducer'll set them off a bit but just wait until the centaurs see me," said Kurt.
"De what?" asked Remy.
"Kurt says there're centaurs and elves in tha Black Forest," said Rogue, rolling her eyes.
"It's true!" said Kurt, bobbing his head. "The elves might just be a rumour though."
"And dey say 'm crazy," muttered Remy.
They arrived at the town. As soon as they started down the main road, Kurt was tackled into a bush by three girls of various ages, all squealing "Kurti!!"
"GET OFF ME!" yelled Kurt.
The three girls didn't look at all dismayed as they stood up. The oldest one flicked a strand of brown hair out of her face and smiled at the others, who were staring at them, looking confused. "Who're your friends?" she asked Kurt.
"I'd TELL you but I'm kind of stuck," said Kurt, trying and failing to extricate himself from a bush. He bamfed so he was perching on top of it. "All right." He pointed at each of the others as he spoke. "Remy, Rogue, Kitty, and Logan."
"Isn't Rogue our half-sister?" asked the blond one, cocking her head.
"Yes but don't-" said Kurt hurriedly.
The three girls tackled her, the oldest managing to get a grip around Rogue's neck and getting zapped.
"Oh- Oh mein Gott, I'm sorry!" said Rogue, hands at her mouth and speaking in a distinctly German accent now. "Oh man, am I speaking German now?"
"Oui," said Remy, helping the girl to her feet.
She looked rather dazed. "Wha-?"
"I tried to warn you," said Kurt. "Rogue absorbs people, remember?"
"No, not really," said the one who'd gotten zapped. "Should we've?"
Kurt ignored that comment and introduced his foster sisters. "Katja," he pointed at the youngest, who had yet to speak, "Anja," he pointed at the brown haired one, who'd gotten zapped, "and Erika," he pointed at the blond one.
"Oh, look, the prodigal son's finally come home," said a voice in unaccented English. The four X-men turned to face the speaker and couldn't quite cope with what they saw. Leaning against the bush and smirking was a blond centaur. Yes, a half-man, half-horse.
"Glad to see you too, Andrei," muttered Kurt.
"Oh, guys, this is Andrei," said Kurt, pointing at him.
"They act as if they've never seen a centaur before," said Andrei, sounding amused.
"...We haven't," said Rogue faintly.
"Really," said Andrei, smirking worse than ever now.
"Leave them alone, 'Drei," said Kurt, walking over to him.
"So what brings you back to our little neck of the Black Forest?" asked Andrei.
"We're getting a part for a negater for Rogue," said Kurt, jerking a thumb at her.
"A what?" asked Andrei and the three sisters in unison.
"Somethin' that'll block mah powers," said Rogue, glad to be able to say something that didn't make her feel like an idiot. Well, a complete one, anyway.
"Ah," said the sisters. "You want Mama?" asked the youngest, Erika.
"N-" said Kurt but it was too late; the sisters had already rushed off to inform Astrid Wagner of Kurt's arrival. "I'm so doomed."
Andrei was eying Kitty curiously. Kitty was staring back. "This your girlfriend?" he asked, indicating her.
"I was hoping you wouldn't find out," said Kurt, his voice muffled by his hands.
"She smells like you all over," said Andrei. "Can't hide things from centaurs."
The others watched this exchange, silent and just a little bit confused (for little bit read 'utterly and completely').
"Please don't tell anyone?" begged Kurt, moving his fingers so Andrei could see the pleading expression in his yellow eyes.
"What'll you give me if I don't?" asked Andrei, looking pleased to be in a position of power.
"I won't tell anyone who really started the 'noodle incident'," said Kurt, his tone casual.
Andrei gasped as though this were some grave threat. "You wouldn't DARE," he breathed.
"What's the noodle incident?" asked Kitty, curious.
"Something Andrei-" started Kurt.
He was cut off by Andrei's cry of "No one can PROVE I was involved in that!" as he reared on his back legs in indignation.
"Down boy," said Kurt, smirking.
Andrei went back to all fours, giving Kurt a death glare.
"He's good," whispered Rogue to Remy.
Remy nodded.
"All right, all right, I'll stay quiet," muttered Andrei.
"Centaurs are so touchy," said Kurt to his friends, grinning at them.
Logan hadn't said a word during the whole thing.
"Hello, earth to badger?" asked Remy, snapping his fingers in front of his face.
Logan didn't even blink.
"We've lost him," said Remy. "Who's got de champagne? We need t' celebrate dis moment."
"Shut up," said Rogue. "Logan, sugah, ya in there?"
Logan uttered something like, "Mip."
"She never calls m' sugar," said Remy, looking depressed.
"Oh dear," said Rogue. "Ah think it's too much stimulation for him, poor guy."
"He can handle people who can throw just about anything at him and not blink, but he sees one centaur and my little sisters and he freaks," said Kurt, shaking his head.
Katja, Anja, and Erika returned, a man and a woman following. Kurt looked around, trying to find something to hide behind, but it was just a tad late; Astrid and Johannes Wagner, in other words, Kurt's adoptive parents, had spotted him.
Kurt ducked behind Kitty. "Hide me," he squeaked.
Astrid walked up to them, smiling. "Hello, Kurt," she said. "It's no use hiding."
Kitty closed her eyes for a second and Kurt fell through her, landing on the ground for the second time that day with an undignified thump. "Guten tag, mama," said Kurt, resigned. He stood up, brushing himself off with as much dignity as he could muster.
The three girls approached, hiding giggles behind their hands.
"Clappe," said Kurt to them.
"So what brings you back?" asked Johannes, eyeing the X-people.
Kurt took a deep breath and launched into an explanation, pointing out people as he went, "Ok-Rogue-can't-control-her-powers-so-the-professor-found-out-about-a-thingy-that-could-block-them-so-he-sent-Remy-Kitty-Logan-her-and-me-to-go-get-it-but-there-was-a-piece-missing-and-the-jeweler-here-has-it. Got all that?"
The Wagners blinked, then nodded. "It's so nice to have you home," said Astrid, giving Rogue, as a member of her family, a throurough inspection.
Rogue stared at her. "Does everyone feel the need ta stare at meh all of a sudden?!" she snapped.
"We're trying to find a resemblance," said Katja.
"You won't," said Kurt. "My dear mother got around you see. I practically have to ask a girl for her birth certificate before I date her." He squeaked, realizing he'd just said the wrong thing.
"You go on dates?" asked all of the Wagners in unison. Andrei gave up and leaned against the hedge again, snorting in horse-ish laughter.
"I'm doomed..."
(Heh heh, fun with family! Next chapter: More fun with the Wagners and the centaur population, and another attempt at the power negater! Is it really that easy, though? Of course not, I'm plugging for length, you neener heads! Now, let's see if I can get even close to the same response I got for the first one. I really would like reviews.)