Oops. Looks like we forgot to submit this chapter yesterday. Oh well. You get it today and tomorrow you get one and a half... plus a special preview to our next fanfiction. Sorry about forgetting yesterday!!

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

An Eating Contest

This is an idea straight from the head/heads of BrokenAngel, ForgivenDevil! Whether it is one or two people is beyond us, but we still have this chapter thanks to them/her/him/it!!

"THIS competition is based solely around nice, good, clean and quite competitive fun!!" said Gai as he whipped a blanket off a table to reveal huge stacks of pie.

"PIE-EATING CONTEST!!!" yelled Chouji.

"CORRECT!!" yelled the teachers.

"Um…isn't that a little pointless?" Shikamaru said. "We all know Chouji is going to win."

"No way!" said Naruto. "I'LL win!!"

"We had a similar trail of thought." Said Kakashi, standing in front of the food so Chouji and Naruto wouldn't eat it all. "So that's why we thought up this dramatic twist."

"The OTHER teams are going to choose a representative from each team to compete in the eating contest." Kurenai said.

"WHAT?!" yelled Chouji and Naruto as their jaws dropped to the floor.

"Who will be participating from MY team?" said Gai enthusiastically as he grabbed his three team members and modeled them.

"Well—" started one of the students.

"Tenten!" said Kurenai.

"No, not Tenten." Said Kakashi. "Neji."

"Wait, WE don't get to choose?" said Kiba.

"No, WE are." Said Asuma.

"Why Neji?" Kurenai asked Kakashi.

"Because he would feel silly about doing all this stuff." Kakashi replied. "And even though you would THINK that Tenten would be worse at it, Neji is the one to pick if you look underneath the underneath."

"Well, I can't argue with THAT logic." Said Kurenai with a shrug.

"NEJI it is!!" said Asuma.

"I don't want to do this." Complained Neji, slapping his forehead.

"See?" said Kakashi. "I was right."

"I have FAITH in you, Neji!!" said Gai.

"GO NEJI GO!!" cheered Lee.

"Aw…and I was hungry too…" Tenten said sadly.

"Okay, from my team?" said Asuma, gesturing towards Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji.

"Well, NOT Chouji." Said Kurenai.

"You were on a diet anyone, Chouji." Said Shikamaru. "Remember your resolution?"

Chouji didn't respond. He just buried his face in his hands and cried.

"I don't think this is an issue." Said Gai. "OBVIOUSLY Shikamaru."

"Why obviously Shikamaru?" said Shikamaru.

"Because you're too lazy to actually compete." Said Gai.

"Finally!" said Ino. "Someone sees it MY way!"

Shikamaru looked annoyed. He wasn't as lazy as everyone was making him out to be.

"And besides," said Kakashi, looking underneath the underneath. "Ino's probably on a diet right now so she'd be able to eat more since she stomach is empty and shriveled up."

"…" Ino said with a raised eyebrow.

"Now for MY team!" said Kurenai.

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PICK ME!!" said Kiba. "I'm SO very hungry and I LOVE pie!!"

"Kiba…stop." Said Shino. "Now they're definitely not going to pick you."

"Why?" said Kiba, looking confused.

"Hinata is the best choice." Asuma said.

"Think about it." said Kakashi. "Have we EVER seen Shino eat?"

The three of them turned around and looked at Shino who had the best poker face in the world.

"He probably doesn't eat." Kakashi concluded.

"My money's on Shino." Said Gai.

"Mine too." Said Asuma.

"I think I'm offended." Shino said.

"Don't be, Shino!" said Hinata, relieved that she wasn't picked.

"FINALLY, my team." Said Kakashi. "I know you guys are going to pick the wrong person without my looking underneath the underneath skills."

"Kakashi, we can look underneath the underneath just as well as you can!!" said Gai. "Even BETTER!!"

"Let's see…" said Asuma. "Sakura!"

"But Sakura's probably on a diet too!!" said Kurenai.

"Then SASUKE!" said Asuma.

"No!" said Gai. "Sasuke will get MAD competitive and win!!"

"I hate how they talk about us as if we're not here." Said Sasuke.

"Well, then I'd say we're just going to have to go with Sakura since we're definitely not going to pick Naruto." Said Kurenai.

"Then SAKURA is our choice!" said Asuma officially.

"Yes." Said Kakashi. "All according to plan."

Everyone eyed Kakashi. He was being stranger than usual. They wanted whatever he was smoking.

"OKAY!" said Kurenai. "The competitors will be Neji, Shikamaru, Shino and Sakura."

"I would have SO won!" said Naruto.

"I'm pretty sure I would have won." Said Chouji. "I'm Chouji after all."

"I would have forced myself to win or else I would have run a thousand laps around Konoha village!!" said Lee.

"And I would have won because Akamaru would have been able to help me because he and I are practically the same person anyway!!" said Kiba with his perfect grammar as usual.

"OH WELL!!" chuckled all those people who weren't chosen and didn't wish they were chosen. AKA all the girls and Sasuke.

"Okay, these are the rules." Said Kakashi, whipping out a scroll and opening it up. He looked the scroll up and down. "Um…whoever eats the most pie is the winner."

"On your mark…" said Gai. "Get set…"

He paused to make it more dramatic.

"GO!!!" yelled all four teachers.

There was a slight pause.

Neji went searching for a napkin and utensils.

Shikamaru leaned on the table and began inspecting the pies in front of him, in search of his favorite kind.

Shino sat there stoically.

Sakura was first to go for the food. She wanted to help her team win since she wanted to impress Sasuke. But after about a second or two of eating, she stopped. She felt it was unladylike to eat like that while everyone was staring at her. Plus, no one else was eating…

"This is the lamest pie-eating contest ever." Said Naruto. "Can we people who WANT to participate join in?"

"No." said Asuma. "But you can root on your teammates."

"Shino, I know you can win!" said Hinata in an encouraging voice.

"COME ON SHINO!!" yelled Kiba. "Prove to the world that you actually do SOME normal things!! LIKE EAT!!"

Shino eyed Kiba.

"This contest doesn't matter enough to me." Said Shikamaru. "Why bother stuffing my face, embarrassing myself and then dealing with an upset stomach for a day over a competition with no consequence?"

"Just admit it, Shikamaru." Said Ino. "You're just TOO LAZY."

"I really want a pie…" said Chouji as he wiped some drool away from his mouth while leaning over the pies.

"Sakura, you better not have the same attitude as Shikamaru." Said Sasuke, raising his fist slightly in a subconscious manner.

"Hey!" said Naruto. "Don't raise your fist at Sakura!!"

"I didn't." Sasuke said.

"It's all right!" said Sakura. "I'll eat more… for you, Sasuke!"

"Whatever." Said Sasuke.

"Neji, we know you hate everything that a pie is composed of with the exception of the crust part, but you have to fight through the pain!!" said Lee, punching the air dramatically.

"Yeah, you could EASILY beat these other people!" said Tenten.

"I'm not going to do it." said Neji. "There might have been a slight chance that I'd eat ONE slice… but if there's no utensils or napkins… then definitely not."

After about five minutes of sitting there as Sakura tried to stomach as much pie as she could, the teachers finally announced that it was over.

"Okay, that's enough." Said Kurenai. "That was so unfun."

"So…I guess Sakura is the winner." Sighed Gai.

"Yay!" cheered Sakura as she wiped her face on her sleeves.

"Meaning…I win." Said Kakashi.

"Ah well." Said Asuma. "I don't blame YOU, Shikamaru!"

"So we're all done with the pie?" said Shino.

"I guess." Said the teachers.

"Okay." Said Shino as he put his hands out and all his bugs came forth. The bugs swarmed around and ate every bit of pie in the area, including the bits on Sakura's face and clothes. They finally retracted into Shino's jacket and everyone sat there in silence, not sure how to react.

"EWWW!!" said Kiba finally.

"My bugs were so hungry but I didn't want to ruin the pie-eating contest." Said Shino.

"You know…" said Kurenai. "Technically, I think Shino just ate all those pies."

"No he didn't." said Kakashi.

"Oh yes he did." Said Kurenai. "Therefore, Shino is the winner!"

"No he's not." Said Kakashi. "Sakura won."

"I think we need an unbiased median!" said Asuma, snapping his fingers.

Iruka jumped down from the heavens.

"SHINO WINS!!" he said enthusiastically, pointing at Shino with both hands.

"Woo hoo." Said Shino.

"Aww…" said Sakura.

"In your face, Kakashi!" said Kurenai.

"It's JUST a pie eating contest." Said Kakashi even though it obviously mattered to him.

"Lee, you're the best!" said Gai randomly.

"No, Shikamaru is the best." Said Asuma.

"Unbiased median!" called Gai.

"We can now settle this once and for all!" said Asuma as he and Gai closed in on Iruka.

"Um…" said Iruka, looking at the murderous looks on Gai and Asuma's faces. "Uh…well…" Iruka slowly backed up, turned around and sprinted away as fast as he could.

"COME BACK HERE!!!" yelled Asuma and Gai as they chased Iruka off into the sunset.