ok, so here's the first chapter... thanks alot for all the reviews, keeps me going. and, yep maybe some of you have already guessed what the storyline would be like... but... hehe, just read on. once again, comments pls, sankyuu!

Disclaimer: i only own the boy. and maybe his mum, but, not like she's really significant anyway.

(words in /.../ are thoughts of the character.)

Tezuka Speaks:

Tezuka focused his eyes on the road. It was a cold morning, but Tezuka and his son had left the house nonetheless, to visit Fuji at the hospital. The car seemed to be enveloped in silence, as usual. Tezuka thought he might as well use this chance to tell his son about his relationship with Fuji.

"Kunisuke."

The boy turned to look at his father.

"Yes, Otosan?"

"There's something I think I ought to tell you, the actual reason behind our divorce, your Okaasan and I. You're turning 13, I think you should be mature enough to handle this. But if you think that you don't want to know about it, I won't force you."

The boy shifted in his seat, looking intently at his father.

"Otosan, please tell me."

"The truth is, I never loved your mother. I was forced to marry her. The person we are going to visit now is the man whom I truly love. I've loved him since our Seigaku days. Even after I married your mum, even until this moment, I still love him as much as I did when we were together. Your father is homosexual. Are you disgusted?"

The young Tezuka, apparently too appalled by what he just heard, could only stare blankly. After a few minutes of silence, the boy finally spoke.

"Tell me more, Otosan. What's his name?"

"Fuji Syusuke."

"Fuji Syusuke? Syusuke... Then my name – "

"Yes, Kunisuke. I named you after him. To remind myself that I let him down. To be honest, I hated you when you were born. I never even wanted you in the first place. Having you was as good as committing another sin. But when I first saw you open your eyes, I knew I could never bring myself to hate you again. And the first time I saw you smile, I decided that I wanted to protect you."

"My eyes?"

"Hn. Your eyes are, of the exact blue of Syusuke's."

"If you never loved Okaasan, why did you marry her? Why did you have me if you didn't want to?"

"Your Ojiisan forced me to... But I don't blame him for that. It was my destiny. I am the only son in the family, so it was my responsibility to carry down the family line. Ever since I turned 25, he started arranging matchmaking sessions for me, even though he was well aware of my relationship with Syusuke. I always found excuses to skip those sessions. Sometimes I would go, pay for dinner, and then leave without even eating. There were also times when I got so frustrated I brought Syusuke along. When I turned 29, he threatened to harm Syusuke if I didn't get married by 30. I had no choice. The only option that allowed me to protect Syusuke without having the family broken up was to get married, to a woman. The only reason why I chose your mum over other women was because she has blue eyes. At least when I looked into her eyes I could deceive myself that it was Syusuke I was marrying..."

Flashback, the day they broke up.

"Syusuke, I'm sorry."

"What for, Kunimitsu?"

"I... We have to break up. I'm... getting married next month."

Sapphire eyes shot open in shock. The blue-eyed man stared at the floor blankly. The day he had feared had finally come. He forced back the tears welling up in his eyes. His heart shattered to a million pieces.

"Was it your father?" the shaky voice asked.

"... Yes. I'm sorry. It's the only way I can keep you from harm."

Slowly, a pained smile drew across the porcelain face.

"Wakatta... Congratulations, Kun... No, I mean, Tezuka-san."

Tezuka looked intently at the forced smile plastered on his lover's face. His heart was bleeding already, and now that his only love had gone back to calling him Tezuka, the wound in his heart tore further apart. He felt tears rushing to fill his eyes, stinging his hazel orbs.

"Why do you still smile at me? I know how broken your heart is, because I am in pain too! But why? Why don't you scold me, or slap me, or even cry? Why that painful smile? Stop smiling already, Syusuke!" the deep, wavering voice bellowed as he shook the lithe body in front of him.

The azure orbs pierced into his hazel eyes, the smile still remained. His reply was soft, very soft.

"Because... if I don't smile now, I won't ever get the chance to smile at you anymore. This is my last chance... no matter how painful it is, I must."

The taller man hugged the shaking body. He held him tight, he didn't want to let go.

"You know I only love you, Syusuke. Now, forever, no matter what happens."

Fuji leaned his head against the familiar chest, the chest he had leaned on countless times.

"I know... I want you to know, that I will still love you, no matter who you've become. And... my smile will always be there for you, no matter what it takes."

Fuji felt a warm drop of tear trickle down his cheek. Was he crying? No, he wasn't. He had hid his tears well, he was sure. Yet more tears hit his face. He looked up at the man holding him. Tezuka was crying. The tears on his face, they belonged to Tezuka. Tears seeped out from the corners of his own blue eyes as well. It hurt to know that Tezuka was leaving him, but it hurt even more to see the one he loved cry. He raised a shaking hand to brush away the tears on his boyfriend's face. His mellow voice trembled as he spoke,

"Don't cry... Be happy, Kunimitsu. Please be happy."

"... I never kissed or hugged your mum, except for on our wedding day and in our wedding shots. Not even handholding. In the night, I would lie in bed until she fell asleep, then I would go to the study to sleep, and I always woke up earlier than her. One and a half years after we got married, Otosan asked me to give him a grandchild. Again, I had no choice. I deliberately got myself dead drunk that night. I was really drunk, I don't remember a single thing, except for that tight slap across my face she gave me in the middle of the process. I found out why she slapped me. It was because I was calling Syusuke's name.

And so, we had you. In a way, you were my saviour, because you were born a boy. If you were a girl, your Ojiisan would definitely make us try for a boy, and I would only scar myself more..."

Tezuka pulled up the sleeve of his sweater to reveal an unsightly scar on his right wrist, obviously deliberate.

"... I did this so that I would feel less guilty for betraying Syusuke..."

/so that's why Otosan always wears a wristband whenever he wears a short sleeved shirt.../

"... The year you turned 8, your Ojiisan passed away, and I finally divorced her. The rest of it, you should be clearer than me."

The boy looked down at his fingers and played with them mindlessly.

"Mm. I lived with Okaasan after you divorced, for two years, before she committed suicide due to depression. Then I moved in with you... Didn't Okaasan mind that you never hugged her or kissed her?"

"Not that I knew. She knew I didn't love her. I made things clear to her the first time I met her. She knew I was getting married just to please Otosan, and she knew about Syusuke. She still agreed to marry me, she said she was doing it for our family's wealth."

Tezuka hit the brakes as the traffic light turned red. He turned to look at his son, who was looking at him quietly, with a stoic face, which he apparently had inherited from the man himself. He drew his wallet out from his back pocket and opened it, showing his son the photo displayed in it.

"This is Syusuke. This photo was taken on his 20th birthday."

The young Tezuka took the wallet and scrutinized the photograph, in which his father had his arm around the fair-haired man's shoulders, and he actually had a slight smile on his usually expressionless face. The man in his father's arms, he looked surprisingly feminine. Silky brown tresses, flawless porcelain skin, perfectly chiseled features, and a beautiful smile. The smile on his face showed sheer happiness and bliss. The boy found himself deeply captivated by the angelic looks of his father's then-boyfriend. His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar deep voice.

"Do you hate me, Kunisuke?"

"Do you hate Ojiisan, Otosan?"

"No. Although he forced me to leave Syusuke, I can never bring myself to hate him. Simply because he is my father."

"No. Because you are my father."

to be continued...

Just in case you are wondering again...

Okaasan - mother

Ojiisan - grandfather

Wakatta - i know/understand

more truths to be revealed in the next chapter, starring my favourite(!!), Fuji Speaks: . Keep a close lookout, cos' it'll be up really soon. Ja!