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This is rated R.
Seth didn't know what to do first. He stood in the middle of the kitchen trying to make up his mind. Since when was it so hard to make a decision...? Probably right about the time Ryan got almost naked. His brain was still in overdrive and his body was giving him mixed reviews.
Shower, clothes and food. Three things he and Ryan had in common...as in, they both needed them. But not at the same time, and certainly not together. 'Cause Seth was pretty sure he would pass out if it came to that. Without another thought about it, Seth ran up to his room, shucking his clothes on his bathroom floor and running the water tepid. A cold shower wasn't totally out of the question, but Seth had never been a fan of cold water. Haphazardly soaping up and shampooing his hair, Seth rinsed and dried himself off. Pulling on a novelty tee and a pair of jeans, he shot down the hall and entered his parents' bedroom.
Invading his father's closet, he pulled apart the racks of clothing looking for something that would fit Ryan and wouldn't make him look like a middle-aged stuffy lawyer...not that Ryan could ever be mistaken for someone middle-aged, or even a lawyer for that matter. But still, he couldn't very well give him something ugly and outdated. He found a pair of blue jeans way in the back. Seth recognized them as the pants his father claimed the drycleaners had shrunk. At the time, he and his mother had tried to keep straight faces when they both knew it was because his father has grown out of them. Too many bagels. The man was a bagel fiend! He was glad his dad had kept them now, though. He grabbed a shirt from his own closet and zoomed down the hallway and stairs. His whole body felt ionized, like he was one giant ball of energy despite being desperate for some sleep.
Seth's stomach wouldn't shut up. The next obvious thing to do was get some food. Setting the clothes on the island, he pulled out a bunch of stuff from the fridge: pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, sliced meat, cheese and some condiments.
The plan was to make sandwiches. It was the only thing he could make that he knew he couldn't screw up. It was a mindless task that he welcomed. It gave him time to think about what he could do to get Ryan to trust him, and, more than that, what he could do to help him. Why he wanted to had long left his brain. Now, there was no going back. He couldn't and wouldn't toss Ryan out. Even if Ryan hated him for it. Not that he was forcing him to stay...
He thought he could imagine how it was for Ryan, not having anything stable or reassuring for years and then having someone come along and offer him help. Everything had to feel strange. It was like a person suddenly gone blind and trying to figure out how to gauge their steps. One false move and they could come tumbling down, crashing hard. Seth would be sceptical, too.
Water dripped from his hair and slid down his neck, pooling at his collar and soaking into the fabric of his shirt, sending chills down his spine. His wet shirt clung to his back and irritated his skin, making it itch. Something itched inside his brain at the same time, only he couldn't reach in and scratch it like he could his skin. His parents were going to be back two days from now, and, while he planned on hiding Ryan for a while,('cause, really, how often did they go into the pool house?) he couldn't rely on that tactic forever. So, he would have to tell them, eventually. He just hoped that by that time Ryan trusted him enough to want to stay.
Topping off the sandwiches with a second slice of bread, Seth returned the unused ingredients. Taking a deep breath, he looked out the window and toward the pool house. He couldn't hide in the kitchen forever. He had to face Ryan. It was now or never.
He tucked the clothes under his arm and grabbed a couple Maintain Dews from the refrigerator, securing them under the opposite arm. Carefully, he picked up the plates where he'd set the sandwiches and began the short trek. The sky was cracking with the first of the morning light. Seth blinked. The air was still cold and the sun wasn't quite bright, but it felt unnatural against his eyes all the same. Carrying the food through the backyard, he went into the open pool house door and spotted Ryan immediately.
Ryan was lying on the bed, his eyes closed. He was only wearing a towel. Seth faltered, nearly dropping his plate. He wasn't sure if Ryan was asleep or not so he approached the bed slowly, not wanting to startle him.
"Ryan?"
Ryan's eyes flickered open and he sat up too quickly for it to be a natural reaction.
"Hey," Seth said, setting the plates down on top of the comforter.
"Hey," he returned, without taking his eyes off the food.
"I brought you clothes. Uh, here." Seth held out the clothes. Ryan didn't make any attempts to take the clothing. Seth set them on the bed next to him. It was difficult not to stare at Ryan. He averted his eyes. "Hungry?"
Pushing a plate toward Ryan, Seth was satisfied when he picked up the sandwich and took a bite. He sat down at the edge of the bed. Ryan moved further away. Seth looked down at his food, suddenly not so hungry. He only had two days to break through Ryan's barriers and by the looks of things, it was going to take a miracle.
Something cold and wet was under his arm. The drinks. "Mountain Dew?" Seth tossed one to Ryan, overthrowing and sending the neon green drink cascading over the mattress and onto the floor. "Now you see why I didn't make the football team." Self-deprecating humour was a natural reaction.
Ryan's back went up. Now that he was away from everything familiar, he flinched at the littlest things. Ryan couldn't seem to relax. His muscles were tense and his body rigid, at any moment ready to spring.
"Here. Take mine," Seth offered and placed the soda in front of Ryan. Seth stood, abandoning his sandwich and retrieved the can, thankful it hadn't exploded and caused a giant mess.
Choosing this time to sit on the wicker chair, Seth observed Ryan. He took his time eating, even though it was obvious he was starving. The towel seemed to get smaller and smaller, covering less and less skin in Seth's imagination and he had to shake himself out of looking at it when he'd finally realized what he was doing. Seth knew this was the kind of behaviour that pushed Ryan further and further out of his grasp, but he was a teenage boy and he had the libido of one. It would be a lie to say that he didn't want Ryan -and a bad one at that, but there was more than just physical need behind his reasoning for wanting to help Ryan. Much more. But for all of Seth's abundant use of language and ability to talk, he couldn't seem to put that reason into words.
When Ryan had eaten the last bite of his sandwich, he sat back and opened the Mountain Dew, draining it.
"You can have mine, too, if you're still hungry."
Ryan seemed to think it over before he reached for the plate and began to eat Seth's sandwich as well.
Drumming his fingers along the arms of the chair, Seth tried to think of interesting things to say, but he came up blank. Everything he thought of sounded stupid. And it really was hard to think of meaningful things to say when Ryan was barely covered in a swatch of a towel. As much as Seth liked to talk, there were still certain subjects he didn't know how to broach.
"Can I wash my clothes?"
Seth was so busy thinking of things to say he barely heard Ryan's request. "What?"
Ryan's cheeks were pink and he wasn't looking at Seth. "My clothes. Can I wash them?"
"Your clothes? Uh, yeah, sure, dude. Is there something wrong with the clothes I brought you? I mean, I know they're not that stylish and not something you would usually wear, but, uh, they're clean and dry."
"I just... I like my clothes."
Seth nodded, though, he still didn't understand.
Given the green light, Ryan stood and collected his clothes from the bathroom and pool house floor. Piling the dirty plates on top of each other, Ryan picked them up and Seth led him into the house.
In the laundry room, Seth stood back and read the directions on a box of soap while Ryan dumped his clothes inside the washer. It seemed simple. Add soap, turn on the machine and half-an-hour later everything was clean. Only, Seth had no idea how to operate the damn washing machine. He pressed buttons and turned a dial and waited for something to happen. When nothing did, he banged on it hoping to illicit a response. Again, the washer did nothing but gloat.
Frustrated, Seth leaned against the machine and turned to look at Ryan. "Do you have any idea how to work this thing? Rosa usually does the wash. This is, like, complicated. We should give her a raise."
Seth thought he saw Ryan smirk. But that couldn't be, could it? He reached over, his arm barely brushing Seth's and tapped the 'start' button.
"Oh. Well, there ya go." This time, he was positive he saw Ryan smirk, if only for a second. That was new. And it felt awesome. Seth's appetite was back. "Wanna go to the kitchen and see if there's anything else to eat?"
Ryan shrugged.
"Sure you do, come on." Seth almost put his arm around Ryan, but at the last second withdrew. He had to keep reminding himself to take things slow. Seeing Ryan's temper in action had been enlightening and he was positive he never wanted to be on the receiving end of it.
Back in the kitchen, Seth rummaged through the fridge and pulled out some cold Chinese food. "Dumpling?"
"I'm good," Ryan answered, shifting his weight.
"Dude, you can put those plates down now."
Ryan looked down at his hands as if suddenly realizing he was holding them. Turning, he set them in the sink and turned on the tap. Picking up the soap, he squirted some into the sink and was about to pick up the sponge when Seth stopped him. His hand moulded over Ryan's, wetting it in the process. "You don't have to do that."
Ryan pulled his hand away. "I have to do something to pay you back."
Seth mentally kicked himself. Slow. The last thing he needed was for Ryan to come on to him again, because he wasn't so sure he would be able to resist. And that would be the worst betrayal of them all. If he gave in to Ryan's games, he could kiss any hope of trust goodbye. Ryan was testing him, feeling him out.
He smiled, hoping the inner workings of his brain were not written on his forehead. Ryan didn't need to know how nervous he made him. "No, I mean... Just relax, okay? You're the guest. Besides, we have a dishwasher," Seth said, sliding it open for emphasis. He picked up the wet plates, set them inside the dishwasher and flipped it shut. "And you don't have to pay me back for anything. I should be paying you back." Seth looked at the floor. He didn't want to see Ryan's reaction.
"This is a nice house," Ryan observed after several moments.
"It's just a house," Seth said, trying to downplay the grandeur of it all.
"What do you parents do anyway?"
"My parents? Well, my dad's a lawyer and my mom develops houses or something..." Seth took a moment to think about it, coming up blank. "I don't really know what she does, actually. She tried to explain it to me once, but I think I fell asleep."
Leaning against the counter, still in only a towel, Ryan kept his eyes on the marble top and traced the swirls with his fingers. "What's going to happen when they get back?"
"What'dya mean?" Seth was half-distracted. He was searching the boxes of Chinese for something edible.
"To me. What's going to happen to me? I doubt you told them you were bringing me home." Ryan caught Seth's eye, stared so intensely it hurt.
Seth dropped his hand and set the box of take-out back on the counter. "It'll be cool. We'll just keep you in the pool house until I tell them. Mom'll have to be won over, but dad'll be fine with it right away."
Ryan scoffed. "You're sure of that," he said. "Must be nice."
Seth didn't know how to respond to that. Because, yeah, it had been nice growing up in a stable home with parents he could always rely on. And he wasn't going to apologize for it. Not even to Ryan. One thing he would do from then on was appreciate it, because he couldn't ever imagine being in Ryan's shoes. He might be able to empathize, but he would never truly understand.
The silence that followed was prolonged. The air felt stiff and thick like a wall between them.
Seth shifted, avoiding looking in Ryan's direction. "Laundry's probably done. I'll go put it in the dryer."
"Sure you can handle it?"
Seth stopped. Did Ryan just make a joke? After the tension that had just arisen, Seth didn't think he could trust his own ears, so he continued to the laundry room without looking back.
He was glad when Ryan didn't follow. After putting the clothes into the dryer, Seth took a seat and rested his head in his hands. The sound of Ryan's jeans turning in the dryer was lulling him to sleep. The soft ping each time they rolled around was just enough to keep Seth from drifting off. Finally the timer went off and he pulled out the clothes. They were warm and smelled like Tide. Not bothering to fold them, he carried them back into the kitchen.
Ryan hadn't moved.
The sun had chased away the remaining darkness outside and left Seth feeling light and dreadfully tired.
"Here," he said and handed them to Ryan.
Ryan took the clothes but didn't speak.
"We should probably try to sleep. You must be tired; I know I am. Uh, you can just sleep in the pool house. That should be okay, right?"
"I guess." Ryan's voice was stale, cold and dead, belaying any real hints of what he was thinking.
Seth no longer had the energy to worry if he'd said the wrong thing again. In the morning...er, afternoon, when he woke up he was sure he could smooth things over. But for now, the lure of sleep was just too much to ignore. "If you need anything, my room's upstairs. We'll work on what to tell my parents tomorrow." And with that, he headed out of the kitchen and straight up the stairs, not stopping until he got to his bedroom and crashed on his bed.
Ryan POV next chapter. ;)
