Thanks you to everyone who has replied and to those that continue to reply. You guys blow me away!
This is rated R.
Late nights were like emotional minefields. They fucked with your head. Ryan had days when he forget who to blame and nights where names floated off his tongue with a bitter aftertaste. He felt as though he was sitting through the calm before the storm. Something had to give. Ryan was alert and ready.
The sun, coming in through the open blinds, felt hot on his skin. His clothes were balled-up and crumpled beside him on the bed. Ryan looked at them. The knees of his jeans were frayed, the back pocket so badly ripped, it had no hope of being re-sewn. His t-shirt and undershirt were newly bleached, but the grayness from much wear had settled into the collar and armpits. Boxer shorts were the only thing he had bothered to put on and those felt warm and comfortable. They weren't the best clothes, but they belonged to him.
Walking across the room, his body sore and weakened, Ryan pulled the blinds closed, watching the crystal blue waters recede and the stark whiteness replace it. It had to be a dream. Everything had to be a dream. If he allowed himself to trust it, what would happen then? And that kid, Seth, what the hell was going through his mind?
It was best to get out of here before he did trust Seth completely. It was then when he was most liable to be hurt.
Ryan resumed his position on the bed. He sat and waited. Any minute he was sure Seth was going to come back through those glass doors and state his real intentions, tell him what he really wanted.
He should just grab his clothes and leave. Just get up and go. Leaning back, the bed felt nice and cushioned the aches in his body. His eyes were so heavy and his legs were so tired, he knew he didn't have the strength to leave. But tomorrow was a different story. Tomorrow, he would run.
Edging up to the head of the mattress, Ryan relaxed and let his eyes close. Darkness came soon and he followed it, allowing himself to let down his guard and just sleep.
---
Ryan woke with a start. He sat straight up in bed, blinking in the darkness, straining to see. The room was muggy and he found it hard to breathe. Checking out his surroundings, it took him a moment to remember where he was. It was so quiet. There were no city noises to alert him of trouble, no police cruisers blaring their lights, no drunken fighting in the apartment next door, not even the sound of Theresa lightly snoring next to him. He never thought he would miss that. But right now, in a pool house, in the middle of a big bed, he missed those sounds.
It must have been late. When he'd gone to bed it had been the beginning of the day, and now the sun was gone and he'd slept through it. His things were where he'd left them, nothing had been touched.
He'd had that dream again. The one where every one of his apparitions fused together and made him ache for a childhood he'd never lived.
He allowed his head to sink back into the cool pillows and tried to push down the visions that had tainted his rest and dragged him out of his sleep. Yet, there he was again, sinking into memories so badly mangled and hidden, they only appeared in his dreamworld and lingered just after he woke, until he could haul them back into the recesses of his mind where they belonged.
It was like being on top of a tall building and someone saying not to look down. He couldn't help but look down. Down far into the abyss, trying not to remember those times when he was a child...when he was small and defenceless...when his mother was drunk and her boyfriend was on the hunt...when he had to hide under the porch at the back of the house, his face pressed into the warm dirt so he wouldn't be found...the smell of sour whiskey and turpentine locked in the air...the smack of boots on the gravel inches from where he lay, taunting him...and then, worse, much worse... milk-white fingers...a laugh he once found soft and warm, cackling in his eardrums... No!
It was quiet. The pain was like a pin prick. But it was always there. Lurking under the surface, waiting to bust open and spill out. It almost consumed him. Until he remembered he was in a goddamn pool house! And he wasn't a child anymore. He wiped the remnants of his past from his mind.
Sleep was still baring down on him. He shouldn't sleep anymore. He had to escape. But the lure of rest was too strong to ignore, too hard to resist. Letting his eyes close again, he embraced the comfort of the mattress and the temptation of sleep for the second time.
The sun was in his eyes. There were birds chirping outside the window and it was like they were mocking him with their song. Tomorrow had come and gone. And he was still here. In this...place. In fucking suburbia. It was such a huge joke. He didn't belong with all the soccer moms and their 2.2 children, and yet, here he was.
He'd had a strange night of dreams and memories...nightmares, really. And now he was awake, and possibly, in the biggest dream of them all.
Grabbing his clothes from the bottom of the bed, Ryan hastily dressed and walked into the backyard. The air was hot and the sky was cloudless and still. Everything was still. Ryan wondered where Seth was.
Seth. He didn't know what to make of him. He seemed to be okay. He was the type of guy that still looked for prizes in the bottom of cereal boxes. The innocent type. As much as Ryan tried to deny it, he liked that about him. Maybe that's what he was doing with him: looking for the prize inside. Maybe he saw something Ryan couldn't. Or maybe he just wanted something to play with... Ryan wasn't sure he'd ever be able to figure him out.
Opening the door, Ryan let himself in the house and spotted Seth instantly. Seated on the floor, a box of cereal and jug of milk by his side, Seth held a game controller in his hands, his eyes fixed to the television. Ryan stared. He'd been asleep for a whole day. An entire twenty-four hours plus. And Seth was eating cereal and playing video games like an almost-stranger hadn't just walked into the room.
Ryan shifted his weight so he was leaning against the doorframe. "Hey."
Seth looked up. "Hey," he mumbled through a mouthful of milk and Fruit Loops and then swallowed.
Ryan folded his arms across his chest. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
Seth tensed. He placed the controller on the ground in front of him and angled his body to look at Ryan. "Uh, well... I checked on you and you seemed okay. I mean, you seemed like you needed it, so, I, uh, just left you alone."
Ryan straightened. "You watched me sleep?!"
Seth scratched behind his ear. Ryan had noticed he did this often when he appeared nervous. He was a weird, jumpy kind of guy, like no one Ryan had ever met before. "No! Is that how I made it sound?" He started in with the hands. Seth used his hands more than any person he'd met in his life. "I totally didn't mean it like that. At all. Dude, it's just..." The ear again. Ryan waited for him to continue. "See, I knocked on the door and you didn't answer, so I just kinda peeked in and saw that you were still sleeping, so I just thought, you know, you'd wake up when you were ready. Totally didn't spy on you or, like, do something creepy like watch you sleep. That's just...you know, not something I would do. I swear!"
Ryan relaxed. His stomach groaned. He hadn't eaten anything since the sandwiches Seth had made when they'd first arrived at the house.
Seth scrambled on the floor, stretching out and grabbing a second controller. He held it up to Ryan. "Wanna play?"
Ryan thought about it for a minute. When was the last time he'd played video games --or any kind of game for that matter? Seeing no harm in it, he took the grey piece of plastic and sat down on the couch.
"Cereal?" Seth offered, holding the open box of Fruit Loops up. Ryan nodded and reached for them. He opted to eat straight from the box.
They played some sort of Ninja game. At first Ryan sucked, but after the third game, to both their surprise, he was beating Seth easily. It was so normal. Something Ryan would have done...before everything, that he almost forgot the circumstances that had brought them together.
---
Later that afternoon, Ryan found himself floating in the middle of the pool. The sun beat down on him, heating his legs and stomach. The bruises stood out in contrast to his pale skin, but the water felt nice. He was aware that Seth kept staring at him.
"What?" he finally said, out of sheer annoyance.
Seth startled, almost tipping himself over. "What?"
"You're staring."
"Am I?"
Ryan gave him a pointed look.
"Okay, yeah. I just... " Seth treaded water with his hand, leading his pool chair toward Ryan. He reached out, tentatively touching a scar on Ryan's side. "Where'd you get that scar?"
Ryan's eyes drifted to Seth's hand and Seth immediately pulled it away. "Sorry, was that too personal? You don't have to tell me. Just, you know, forget I asked." Seth looked away, pushing off the side of the pool with his foot to distance them.
Ryan had the oddest feeling flowing through him. He couldn't place it. When was the last time he'd had that kind of reaction from someone touching him? Tracing the scar himself, he closed his eyes and remembered. There was no sense lying. "One of my mom's ex-boyfriends thought it would be fun to throw me into a table."
Seth eyes crinkled to block out the sun as he looked back at Ryan. His mouth twisted sourly. "So your mom had a lot of boyfriends I take it?"
Ryan touched the cool water, let it slip through his fingers as he thought about the question. "There was one that painted houses. He did this," he said, thumbing the scar again. He looked away, toward the sky. "He was a real bastard. A lot were bums." Sparing a glance at Seth, he wondered if he should continue. It wasn't like it mattered. He wouldn't be here much longer anyway. So why did it matter what Seth thought of him? "But, there was this one guy who worked construction. He was a real good guy; treated me okay...treated my mom good. I guess that's why they broke up: she wasn't used to it. She kept finding little things about him that bothered her until she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. He moved back to Texas, said if I was ever out there to give him a call."
"But, you wouldn't, like, go there, would you?" Was that panic in Seth's voice?
"Maybe," Ryan said, sliding off the chair and into the water. He swam to the other end of the pool, away from Seth's curious eyes. "There's no where else for me to go, really."
"You're wrong. Here." Seth was adamant. "You could stay here as long as you wanted."
It struck Ryan had naive Seth really was. How different their lives had been. "Your parents are probably going to call social services the minute they see me."
"I wouldn't let them!"
"Right, well..." Ryan heaved himself out of the pool. Water pooled at his feet, cooling the hot tiles under his skin.
Seth jumped off the chair, ungraceful in his actions and making a giant splash. He swam toward Ryan, looking up at him. "I wouldn't, I swear it! And if they did we could run away."
Ryan scoffed. "Leave all this?"
"You don't know what it's like here." Seth looked down.
Ryan shook his head. "Looks pretty good from where I'm standing."
"You don't understand... I'm a social retard. Everyone hates me. Everyone. You think I wouldn't trade all of this just to be normal?"
Ryan shrugged. "What's normal?"
"You know, like everyone else. If I could just be like everyone else...."
"Why? What would that change?"
"For one, I wouldn't get beat up everyday by every damn jock at my school."
Ryan grabbed a towel and began to dry himself off. He hated the way Seth was starting to get to him. When was the last time he'd had a day like today? When was the last time he'd been allowed to be the teenager he was? When had he just talked to someone? It was all so fucked up. And he didn't need to know anymore about Seth. He didn't need to feel anything more than indifferent toward him.
A car door slammed. Ryan could hear voices coming from the front of the property. The parents. This was it. His moment in paradise was coming to an end.
"Listen, Ryan?" Seth had gotten out of the pool and was a foot away.
"What?"
Seth fidgeted. "When I introduce you to my parents... I mean, maybe I should tell them about you first, you know. So, just, I dunno stay in the pool house and I'll explain things." Ryan quirked his eyebrow and tried not to flinch. He'd forgotten about the bruises on his face. "That wasn't, like, an order... I didn't mean it to sound like that. I just meant...well, I think it'll go better this way..." Ryan held his tongue.
"Okay, I'll just go." Seth grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself. He cut across the lawn and was poised to slide open the door when he turned back and scratched behind his ear. "And, you know, let's not say exactly how we met. I think we'll have to work up to that one."
"Whatever." It wasn't like he wasn't aware that Seth would be ashamed of how they met...of what Ryan was, but hearing it out loud was something completely different. It made Ryan feel dirty and used --something he always tried to avoid. Fuck! Ryan gathered his clothes in his arms and headed into the pool house, closing the door behind him.