Thank you for the reviews. :)

This is rated R.

When Sandy's breathing was even and consistent, Kirsten slipped out of bed, walked over to Sandy's night stand and picked up the pack of cigarettes, grabbing her robe on the way out of their shared bedroom. She slipped down the hall and into Seth's room. As she opened the door she steeled herself to the fact that he might not be there, that he might still be in the pool house with Ryan. Thankfully, he was in his room, asleep. Splayed out on his bed, snoring softly, she could almost fool herself into thinking that he was still a little boy that always needed her. But she knew he was almost a man and not a child anymore. He didn't need her as much as he once had. Soon he wouldn't need her at all. She'd been preparing herself for this since Seth was in kindergarten, but the reality was different. It had always been a girl that she'd pictured taking away her baby, not a troubled boy from Chino. Sandy was right, though. Seth hadn't been this happy in a long time.

Reaching out, she moved a curl off his forehead. His hair was messy and soft from sleep. She looked around the room, blue and poster-covered with some bands she'd never heard of, comic books in the corner and piled on the desk, skateboard laying on the floor and Captain Oats on the night stand. It was a typical teenager's room home to a not-so-typical teen. That's what she had always loved about her son: that he was never afraid to be himself. And that was a lie, wasn't it? Because he'd been harbouring a giant secret from her. Kirsten stood there motionless for a little while longer until Seth shifted and rolled onto his side. Gathering her wits, Kirsten tore her eyes from her only son and tiptoed out of the room.

There was still a light on in the pool house. This was it. She was going to talk to Ryan, if only to tell him that she knew what he was doing to her son. Because she didn't want to feel sorry for him. She didn't want to believe there was anything redeemable inside him. Because if she let him talk, if she let him explain... He'd won the heart of her son and if she let him talk he might just win hers, too.

Kirsten knocked lightly on the pool house doors. "Ryan?"

"Don't!"

Opening the door, Kirsten saw Ryan lying in bed, tossing and turning in a restless sleep. "Ryan?"

Kirsten knelt down and tapped his shoulder. She was weary of his reaction. The last time she got too close he'd acted strange. She had to be careful with him. He was so different from Seth, older somehow. When she looked at him, she didn't seen a seventeen-year-old boy, she saw someone more experienced, more in tune with the harsh realities of the world. Ryan was rough around the edges where Seth was all refined lines. She didn't want Ryan crossing one of those invisible lines with her son.

For the first time since he could remember, Ryan fell asleep without the weight of depression pressing against his chest. But something had happened as he slept. Something that always seemed to happen. Everything good became tangled with the past and inseparable from the present.

Ryan's eyes wouldn't focus. All he could see was blonde hair and white skin. He felt twelve again. He jerked out of bed. "S-Stay there."

"Ryan, it's Kirsten Cohen."

Ryan blinked and then blinked again. Slowly she came into focus. Kirsten's face was illuminated by the yellow glow coming from the bathroom. He could see that she was leery, possibly afraid. Only her fear was of him and not of some stupid, pathetic dream.

"What's going on?" He managed to get out.

Kirsten crossed her arms, stood straight and looked at Ryan. "Sandy and I have talked things over and we think it would be best if you went home."

Ryan had to wonder if he was still asleep, if he was still inside his nightmare. But no, he was awake and this was really happening.

"What about Seth?" The question came out of his mouth before he had time to censor it.

Kirsten continued to stare at him. Ryan dropped his eyes.

"I'll tell Seth in the morning after you've gone."

"Did I do something?"

"I found these. Are they yours?" Kirsten held up the pack of cigarettes to show him.

He shrugged. "They were; I threw them out. I quit." Ryan couldn't make his eyes meets hers.

Kirsten shifted. He heard more than saw the change in her stance. "I think that Seth- Seth's an impressionable kid, Ryan, and I don't want... "

"You think I'm a bad influence."

"He's never had a friend like you before and I think he might be mistaking friendship for something else. I don't want Seth to-

Ryan forced his eyes on her. "Get mixed up with a kid like me?"

She dropped her arms, only to fold them around herself again. "He has a bright future, Ryan. I'm aware that you've had to overcome a lot, but I'm just not sure I feel safe with you being around Seth given your history."

Ryan scoffed. "My history?"

"Sandy has a friend down at Child Services."

"What does that mean?"

"I know about the foster homes, the abuse, the-"

She sounded embarrassed, Ryan thought, but he didn't really care if she was or not because it didn't change the fact that she now knew everything about him. She knew of everything that he'd been through. She and Sandy had read it on a piece of paper and maybe they even tried to block out the images that the words created in their heads, but it was him that had lived it. He was the one with the scars on his body and mind, always reminding him, never letting him forget what a shitty life he had. It angered him. "You checked my file?!"

"Seth means everything to me, Ryan, and I won't let you hurt him."

"You think that I'd...?"

"I'm not saying you would, but I don't know you well enough to know that you wouldn't. It's too big a risk." Kirsten's face was torn between doing what she thought was right and realizing what she was doing was wrong. "Ryan, I'm sure you're a nice kid, but I have to protect my family."

There was nothing left to say, she'd made up her mind. Ryan resigned himself to that fact that no matter what he said he wasn't going to change Kirsten's mind. She wanted him out of her house, out of her son's life, and wasn't going to take no for an answer... Even if she wasn't sure she was doing the right thing. Because the right thing didn't matter when she was trying to protect her son. "Yeah, I get it."

Ryan had wanted to run from this place since the moment he arrived. He'd packed his bags several times and never had he made it past the driveway. And now, with the decision being made for him, he realized he didn't want to go. Not now. Not when everything was just starting to make sense.

There was no longer a choice. Tomorrow morning he was going back to Chino. In a couple of months Newport would just be a really hazy dream, a memory he wouldn't be sure was real.

Kirsten hadn't been able to fall asleep when she got back to her room. She stared at the ceiling and pretended to be asleep when Sandy woke and dressed. The conversation with Ryan had left her drained and feeling like she was the villain in a Disney movie. The bad guys in those never got to tell their side of the story. No matter what she said she knew Seth was going to see her as the one-dimensional bad guy.

Not allowing herself to think about it, she showered, dressed and threw herself into some work she'd brought home from the office.

Kirsten was skimming over documents her father had faxed over when Seth came barrelling into the room.

"Where's Ryan? I just went to the pool house and he wasn't there."

Kirsten cleared her throat. As much as she thought she'd prepared herself for this moment, seeing Seth looking so lost weighed on her heart. "Your father took him home." She kept her voice calm and even.

"What? He what?! He doesn't even have a home! What's wrong with you people?"

"Seth, calm down! Now."

Seth was shaking his head, his eyes wide and searching. "I hope you're happy. You've just sentenced him to a life of poverty and pros- destitution, but I suppose that doesn't matter to you."

Kirsten rubbed her forehead. She could feel a migraine coming on. "I found cigarettes in the trash. When I went to confront him he didn't deny they were his."

Seth gesticulated wildly. "Exactly, they were in the trash! You didn't have to send him away! You hated him the minute you saw him, admit it."

Kirsten had heard enough. She couldn't handle the accusations any longer. "Stop it! Stop it now!" Setting down her papers, she stood. "I saw the two of you."

"Saw the two of us, what?"

"Seth."

"Look, if you're going to be cryptic about this th-"

"I was putting out the garbage and I thought I heard voices in the pool house. When I looked through the window..." She didn't continue and Seth didn't need her to. He knew what she saw.

"Oh," he said. She wasn't sure whether his cheeks were staining red from embarrassment or anger. She suspected it was a bit of both. "That's why you made him leave?"

"That's all you have to say?!"

"What do you want from me? I've always been different, okay? I've always known. Hell, everyone at Harbor knows: Luke, the water polo team, Summer... Why do you think they pick on me? Why do you think they pee in my shoes? And why don't I do anything about it? Why don't I stand up for myself?" Seth stopped even though she was sure the question was meant to be rhetorical. It was then that she realized he was taking a moment to compose himself, and her chest began to ache. Finally, he continued,"because I'm everything they say I am... And now my own mother can't look me in the eye. I never asked to be this way."

Kirsten could feel her heart breaking into a million pieces for the pain Seth had gone through -was going through.

Seth rubbed his eyes, wiping away tears he would never admit to having shed. Her own eyes were moist. What kind of mother was she?

Kirsten walked across the room and pulled Seth into a hug. She held on tight when he tried to resist. "Seth."

Pulling back, she held his face in her hands and looked him straight in the eye.

"I'm no different, mom." His voice was quiet and pained.

"I know," she whispered. "Why couldn't you just tell us? Why did it have to be a secret?"

"Simple answer? I was scared."

"Don't you know that I love you more than anything in this whole world?"

Seth wiped his eyes and runny nose with the back of his hand and smiled. "Even more than Margaritas?"

"Seth!" She laughed. She couldn't help it. At times like these it made her grateful that he'd inherited his father's sense of humour. They both knew how to ruin a moment -in a good way. "I'm trying to have a moment here."

"Sorry, mom, it was just too easy."

Kirsten nodded. "This doesn't change anything. I still love you. You know that, right? No matter what."

"I love you too, mom." Seth patted her on the shoulder, tilting his head to the side. "Now can we stop the mushy stuff?"

Kirsten shook her head and gave him a gentle nudge. "Get out of here."

Seth turned to go, but pivoted back around. "Wait, what about Ryan?"

Now that the secret was out, now that there wasn't this giant thing between them, Kirsten felt relieved, but also ashamed. "I don't know, Seth. Let me just digest this first."

Seth nodded and exited the room. Kirsten watched him leave, his head hung and shoulders slumped. Her mind still hadn't been eased where Ryan was concerned. He still had the potential to be dangerous, but she hadn't taken the time to find out whether he actually was or not. Maybe she had to find out for herself if Ryan could be trusted. She feared the happiness of her son might just depend on it.

Sandy woke up early to take Ryan back to Chino. There was something Kirsten wasn't telling him. You didn't just sleep next to someone for seventeen years and not know when something is bothering them.

With little to go on, he was forced to go to the last known address to seek out Dawn Atwood. No one answered Sandy's incessant knocking. When he turned around he could see Ryan watching him from the car.

Sandy sighed.

Crossing the lawn, he knocked on the door at next house over. A petite woman, with a toddler in her arms, opened the door to him.

Sandy smiled. "Hi, sorry to bother you, but do you remember a woman named Dawn, Dawn Atwood?"

The woman shook her head. "She hasn't lived there in years."

"Do you remember anything about her? Did she have any family in the area?"

"She had a couple of kids. Last I heard the oldest one was in jail."

"So you wouldn't know where I could find her?"

"Not a clue."

Sandy smiled again, masking his disappointment. "Thanks anyway."

"No problem," she said and closed the door. Sandy heard the lock turn as he walked down the sidewalk.

They weren't going to find Dawn unless Ryan started talking. And Ryan wasn't making any effort to talk. He had barely said two words and answered most of Sandy's questions with 'yes' and 'no.' It was starting to feel like a lost cause.

Sandy got back into the car, turned the ignition and headed down the street. At the stoplight, he checked the rearview mirror and then turned to Ryan. "Did that woman look familiar?"

"No."

Sandy tapped his fingers on the steering wheel waiting for the light to change. "Son, you're-"

"I'm not your son!"

"Ryan, come on. Work with me here!"

Ryan folded his arms across his chest and slipped further down into the seat. "Just drop me off on the corner."

Sandy sighed in frustration. He was going around in circles. Literally. "You don't have any clue where your mother could be? No clue at all?"

Ryan shook his head. The sad part was Sandy knew it wasn't a lie. "I've been on my own for a while. I've survived. I'll be okay."

Sandy knew all of that was true. He'd read the file. He knew what a tough kid Ryan was. Even so, Sandy didn't see how Ryan could survive, really survive, prosper, on his own. Not without guidance or a soft place to fall. "Ryan, I can't in good faith just leave you here. You have no education, no skills. How will you get a job?"

Ryan looked out the window. "I'll do what I did before."

"Which was?"

Ryan wouldn't look at Sandy. "I... did what they do," he said, pointing to a group of women working the street corner.

For a minute Sandy's lungs were so tight he couldn't breath. The air rushed too fast back into them, expanding his chest and making him cough.

"Ryan."

"When I have enough saved up I'll go to Atlanta."

Ryan sounded convinced that this was a good plan. Sandy thought it was horrible idea. Even if he could raise the capital, what he had to do to get the money...it just didn't seem feasible and it sounded downright dangerous.

It was a long time before Sandy spoke. What Ryan had just told him had to be dealt with delicately. The last thing he wanted to do was make Ryan more ashamed than he all ready was. "What's in Atlanta?"

"A friend."

"Don't you have any friends here?"

Ryan shrugged. "Seth." He quickly averted his eyes.

Ryan could feel Sandy's eyes on him.

It all seemed to click. Ryan knew he'd given away Seth's secret. For not the first time in his life, Ryan wished he could be someone else

"I can't leave you here," Sandy finally said. "We'll find your mother, but in the meantime you'll stay at the house."

"What if I don't want to?" Ryan could deal with the streets, hunger, even Johns that beat him, but what he couldn't deal with was his mother. Not anymore. She'd been dead to his heart for a long time.

Sandy smiled gently. "Don't worry, I'll explain everything to Kirsten."

"No," Ryan said, clarifying. "I mean, what if I don't want to find her. My mother, I mean."

He sighed. "It doesn't look like we have any other choice."

They were both quiet the rest of the drive back. Ryan couldn't wait to get out of the car. He felt cramped, confined. He wanted to stretch his legs and be able to breath without being watched. He wanted to be back in the pool house where everything felt safe and clean, though, he wasn't looking forward to hearing what Kirsten had to say when he showed up back at the house. Seeing Seth again would be worth that minor inconvenience.

Back at the house, Ryan went straight to the pool house while Sandy went into the house and climbed the stairs to Seth's room. He didn't bother knocking, just walked right in.

"We're not knocking anymore?" Seth said, swivelling around on his computer chair.

Seth had some explaining to do and he wasn't about to worry about invading his son's privacy now. There didn't seem to be a way to ease into the topic of Ryan. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Seth's raised his eyebrows. "Tell you what?"

"About Ryan."

"What about him? Oh, thanks for banishing to that hell-hole, by the way," Seth said, pressing a finger to his lips. "Yeah, I'm sure he appreciates it. I can't wait to get the thank-you card."

Sandy remained stern. "Now's not the time for games, son. Ryan told me everything."

"Told you what, exactly?"

Sandy crossed his arms. He meant business. "He showed me where the two of you met. What do you have to say?"

Seth was shaking his head. A nervous laugh came from his throat. "What am I supposed to say?"

"You abused him, Seth! If only you'd come to us. We could have helped."

"Helped pick out a hooker?"

"Cut the sarcasm, there's no need for that."

"I can't help it. This is how I deal with confrontation. It's a reflex procured after years of being tormented by huge water polo players."

Sandy grabbed Seth by the upper arm, pulling him out of the chair. Right now his concern was overtaking any other feelings he had. "Come on."

Seth tried to pull loose. "What're you doing?"

"Taking you down to Dr. Goldstein's office and getting you tested!"

Seth's lips pinched together. "We used condoms. And it wasn't like..." Seth covered his face with his hand, clearly mortified. "God, I can't believe I'm talking about this with you of all people."

Sandy dropped Seth's arm and took a step back. "Okay, okay. It's so good that you did. If you're going to... Okay. And you're sure this is- You're sure?"

There was a long silence that lasted far too long.

"I was confused. I-I needed to find out if it was just a phase or, you know, whatever."

"And now...?" Sandy realized he was holding his breath waiting for an answer.

"I'm not confused anymore." Seth hung his head. "So I suppose you're ashamed of me now?"

"Don't be stupid. Your mother and I love you no matter what."

"So I've heard."

"Come here," Sandy said, pulling on Seth's shoulders. He lured him into a hug, holding on with a fierce grip.

"Oh, more hugging. Since when did this family get so touchy-feely?"

"Since always. I've always been a hugger, you know that."

Seth pulled back, putting distance between them and stood awkwardly shifting his feet on the carpet. "What about Ryan? He doesn't have anyone else, dad. We have to go get him. I made a promise."

Sandy could see now that this was more than just a crush, more than friendship, even. Ryan meant something to Seth. "Ryan's here."

"What? Here, as in in the house?"

"He's in the pool house."

"Dad, that's awesome!" Seth's smile alone was enough to pinch Sandy's heart.

"He can stay until we find his mother. Now I just have to clear it with your mother."

"Can I go see him?"

"Go on."

"Thanks dad. For everything."

Sandy nodded. Seth peeled out of the room. Sandy slumped down onto Seth's bed. He loosened his tie and rolled his shoulders. When he looked up Kirsten was in the room, staring at him.

He smiled wearily. "You heard?"

Kirsten took up the spot beside him and rubbed his back. "Sandy, it's not like we've never talked about this being a possibility."

"I know."

"He's our son. He's no different." Kirsten continued to massage his back and shoulders. He could feel the tension slipping away.

"I know, it's just going to take some time. About Ryan. Honey, I had to bring him back."

Leaning over, she kissed his cheek. "I know."

"He had nowhere to go."

Holding his face, she looked him in the eye. "Sandy, I understand."

He searched her face. "Really? Everything's okay?"

"Mmm-hmm," she said, dropping her head onto his shoulder.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Sandy moved his arm around her and pulled her closer, smelling the apricot shampoo she always used in her hair.

Kirsten lifted her head slightly and met his eye. "Not today."

"I love you," he said and kissed her.

"Love you, too," she mumbled between kisses.

I'm really trying to finish this before the new season starts. So, not to be needy or anything, but...encouragement? Please. :)