Author's Notes: Thanks to my reviewers Peegchica, Padfoot and Alpha-Wolf1984. This chapter isn't up to my usual standard – I just couldn't make it work in parts but…I thought I would post it anyway so we can move the story along. :-) So I'm sorry ahead of time. And…next chapter up in a few days!

Chapter 7 Misery

Sirius wallowed around Grimmauld Place, miserable and lonely. Remus wasn't much better considering that Cassius had been gone three weeks now and the date on the last owl post had been almost a week earlier. No one in the auror department knew where Cassius was. Remus was starting to not eat and had dark circles under his eyes.

"Hey, Remus." Sirius said tentatively as he walked into the sitting room of Windy Corner.

"Hi." Remus was rocking back and forth on the couch.

"What's wrong?"

"Anxiety attack. And we're out of calming potion." Remus answered shakily. It was the first time Sirius had ever seen Remus lose his cool.

Sirius sat down and reached over and patted Remus's shoulder. "It'll be all right. He's all right."

"You don't know that."

"Well…" Sirius couldn't think of anything to say in answer to that. He didn't know that his cousin was all right. "He's alive."

"For now." Remus answered darkly. Sirius twisted his hands together. Remus was his rock and now…Sirius started to feel panicky himself. One hand reached up and started running through his hair, pulling out a few strands at a time.

'Sirius, stop doing that.' Lily ordered gently.

"Tabby says dinner's in just a few minutes." Clara walked into the sitting room. Sirius looked up at her hopefully. She had a very calming presence. Already Sirius knew things would get better. "And the batch of calming potion will be ready in an hour, she fire-called Sam for his recipe. How are you?"

"I'm all right." Remus said.

"You don't sound all right." Clara said, tilting her head and looking at Remus. She smiled reassuringly at Sirius as Stevens walked in. He patted Sirius on the shoulder and then took one look at Remus and pulled him up off the sofa and gathered him into a bear hug.

"I'm all right." Remus protested weakly. Stevens tightened one arm around Remus and started to stroke up and down his back with the other hand.

"How are you, Sirius?" Clara asked warmly.

"Fine." Sirius lied, watching Remus closely.

"How's Jack?" She asked with a smile as she sat down next to him and patted his hand.

"We broke up, almost a week ago." Sirius mumbled, his hand running through his hair again.

'Because you're an idiot!' James interjected.

'He's not an idiot, he thought he was doing the right thing.' Lily defended Sirius. 'But you do need to apologize.'

'Stop talking to me!' Sirius growled silently.

"Oh." Clara glanced over at Remus whose eyes were closed as Stevens continued to rub his back. "Well, everything's all fucked up, isn't it?"

"We're not fucked up." Stevens said calmly. "And Cassie is fine. I know he is."

"How do you know?" Remus asked softly.

"Because I know." Stevens said firmly. Sirius thought that if Stevens announced Snape was actually a sensitive, artistic soul who loved butterflies with that tone of voice Sirius would believe him.

The next week Arthur Weasley was bitten while on duty at the Ministry and Harry and the rest of the Weasleys came to stay at Grimmauld Place. Even though he knew he shouldn't be happy that Arthur was hurt, Sirius was thrilled to have Harry with him again.

Having Harry around reminded Sirius of all the adventures with James at school, all the good times they'd had before everything had gone wrong. This was why he needed to be alone, so he could focus on Harry. Harry was his responsibility. He couldn't let James and Lily down again. His inner James and Lily told him that he was ridiculous that he could have Jack and Harry both in his life but he told them they were wrong.

He decorated Grimmauld Place with a vengeance. It was the first festive Christmas at Grimmauld Place that Sirius had ever had.

As the time came nearer for Harry to go back to Hogwarts, Sirius tried to stay cheerful…but it was hard. If only Harry could stay with him. Sirius hated being alone in the grim house. Remus was still recovering from being ill before Christmas and Cassius was keeping him at Windy Corner.

Sirius flung himself on his bed imagining beating Snape's face to a bloody pulp. Snape was such an insufferable git!

'Teaching my son Occlumency.' James ranted. 'If he hurts Harry, we'll kill him.'

"I hate him so much! Harry doesn't need any of his shit and I can't do anything about it." Sirius punched his pillow angrily.

As he laid there on his bed, he found himself wishing, no, yearning for Jack to be there. To touch him, to tell him that he shouldn't listen to Snape, that people needed him to be safe, that Harry needed him…that Jack needed him.

'You bloody prat, you need to apologize to Jack now.' James demanded for the fifth time in as many days. 'I'm fucking talking to you, Sirius Black! You need to apologize!'

"What if he doesn't take me back?"

'You have Moony and you have us. But he will…he will. Won't he, Lily?'

'Yes, he will.' Lily nodded her head. 'He loves you.'

"I can't cook." Sirius sat down next to Remus a few hours after he returned from escorting Harry back to Hogwarts. Remus had convinced Cassius he was well enough to go but he'd had to return to Windy Corner to rest afterwards. Sirius had just flooed over to visit him.

"What?" Remus looked up, confused, from the book he'd been reading about visions.

"I said I can't cook." Sirius muttered. "You said I should cook Jack a meal to say I was sorry."

"Finally realized you acted like a complete and utter idiot, did you?" Remus said gently.

"Yeah…I miss him…it's like an ache I can't get rid of." And, although he didn't want to share the thought with Remus, he felt more sane…no, just make that sane when Jack was around.

'What are you trying to say, Paddy?' James asked jokingly.

"Good." Remus snapped his book shut. "We'll get Tabby to cook the dinner, you can just say you did it." Remus rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Tessen should know some of Jack's favorite foods. You can ask Jack to dinner at the Order meeting tomorrow. If he says no, Cass can arrange for Jack to get here, give him some rot about meeting Snape for information or something. I'll fix up the dining room, candles, flowers too, Cass has some roses growing in the garden. And Clara can get some candy from Honeydukes."

"What will I be doing while everyone else is doing all that?" Sirius had no idea that so much was involved in an apology.

'Because everyone let you off easy before.' Lily said with an indulgent smile.

"You will be working on your apology." Remus said.

"I'm sorry really won't do it?"

"No. I'd say you need at least two feet of scroll."

"Two feet?" Sirius stared at Remus. Surely, he was joking.

"I am only joking, you don't need to write it out…although that might help so you remember what you want to say. You need to explain to him why you said it, that you didn't mean it, that you won't do it again, and whatever else you want to say." Remus paused and shook his head ruefully. "Sorry, I'm being too bossy. I had too many cups of tea this morning."

"No, you're not. I'm going home to work on my apology." Sirius turned and started heading towards the door then turned back and tackled Remus in a hug.

"Oof! What's this for?"

"For being the best friend ever." Sirius let go and thumped Remus on the shoulder. "And for being bossy." He ran out of the room to floo home.

Sirius watched as Jack never even looked his way during the whole Order meeting. His stomach churned.

'Ask him about dinner right after the meeting gets over.' Lily ordered gently.

'He won't even look at me.' Sirius thought back sadly.

'You won't know unless you've tried. Come on, Padfoot!' James urged.

Sirius pulled together all his courage and walked over to Jack. He was a couple feet away and just about to turn back when Jack turned and looked at him.

"Hi." Sirius blurted.

"Black." Jack nodded politely.

"Um…how're you feeling?"

"Like you ripped my heart out and stomped all over it, thanks for asking."

"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered hoarsely.

"What was that?" Jack asked coldly.

Sirius cleared his throat. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. That was a very mean thing to say and you know it."

"Would you have dinner with me? Tomorrow? It has to be tomorrow not tonight because I have a big apology speech but I'm not done writing it all down, I've been working on it for two days, and I have to have Remus look at my spelling because I've forgotten how to spell some of the bloody words I want to use but I'll have it done tomorrow so then I can really apologize because I know I'm sorry isn't enough and I am really sorry but I'm more than sorry and if you come to dinner I can…" Sirius realized he was babbling. He looked down at his hands, which were shaking.

"What time?" Jack said softly.

"What?" Sirius was shocked almost speechless, Jack would come to dinner! He couldn't be too mad then, could he?

"What time for dinner?"

"Oh…um…" Sirius looked around helplessly for Remus. Had Remus told him the time? Should it just be dinner time or was there a special dinner time for apologies that Sirius didn't know about. Bloody hell, Remus wasn't anywhere. Sirius took a breath. "Seven?"

"Seven's fine for me." Jack looked at Sirius and smiled slightly. "Don't worry about the spelling."

"You'll really come?" Sirius was so relieved he felt like he could fly without Buckbeak, without a broom.

"Yes."

"I'm so glad. The past few weeks have been so horrible. I've missed you so much and," Sirius lowered his voice, "James and Lily have been really angry at me."

"Why?" Jack asked sharply.

"Because I fucked up." Sirius ran a trembling hand through his hair, suppressing the urge to rip a few strands out along the way.

"Sirius, you couldn't have known Pettigrew-"

"No, no, not that…because of what I said to you."

"Oh." Jack opened his mouth to say something else.

"Bartleby, come on!" Tessen called from the doorway. "The shops will be closing in a hour!"

"I'll see you tomorrow at seven?" Sirius grabbed Jack's hand, feeling panicky.

"I'll be there." He squeezed Sirius's hand briefly before walking out.

"Remus!" Sirius finally saw his friend across the room and ran over. "Jack's coming to dinner tomorrow at seven, I asked him and he said he would." He was grinning from ear to ear.