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Part Fourteen

"Unghhh." That was the most comprehensive word that Matt Hardy could muster as he slowly rejoined the living world. As the black faded to light, he tried to rouse himself from the unintentional nap he'd been taking.

"Aw, man," he muttered a little more clearly, lifting his hands carefully to his temple in an attempt to push away some of the intense pain that had now invaded his head. It hurt to even touch the side of his skull, so he dropped his hands again. Instead, he decided to try to open his eyes. As the blurring retreated, his eyes rested on the bemused expression of one Jeff Hardy.

"So, you decided to live I see."

"Ugh."

Jeff couldn't help the smile that quickly crossed his face. He'd suffered from concussions in the past himself. He knew what a killer they could be.

"Well, in case you're wondering, the doctor told me you would be alright. Probably have a killer headache for a while, but you'd live."

"It seems I have a good doctor then. Cause I definitely have the headache. How'd I end up in the hospital anyway?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Vaguely. I think I was in and out."

"You remember a big ugly dude named Kane, right?"

Matt just grimaced. "Don't even say his name," he seethed.

"Well, after he attacked you, he pretty much left you for dead in the ring. The EMTs brought you here. Steph called me when they were loading you in the ambulance. She thought it'd be better for you to have a family member with you when you woke up."

Matt rubbed at his temples. "How'd you get here so fast?"

"Fast? Dude, it's been 12 hours since Raw ended. Beth and I drove up here and still had 8 hours to kill."

"Geez," was all Matt could muster. "I can't believe I was out that long."

"You've been in and out, Matt." Matt looked up at the new voice entering his room.

"Hi sweetheart," he smiled with a lopsided grin as Beth entered the room. The petite woman walked over to his bed and gave him a warm embrace, then stepped back beside her boyfriend.

"Don't sweetheart me, Hardy. I'm angry at you."

Matt looked at her, surprised. "What?" he asked confused.

"You scared me to death. I look to you to be the sensible Hardy. It's usually Jeff that lands in the emergency room. Not you."

"You'll have to consult with Kane on that one. I'm afraid he's the reason I'm here."

"I know," she sighed. She frowned, sitting down next to Matt on his bed, taking his hand. "Are you alright?"

Matt looked at her. "Yeah. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I can't help but worry about you Matt. You've been through so much over the past few months. This just wasn't fair. You've been through enough."

Matt tried a half-hearted laugh, but his headache caused him to reach up and clutch his temple once more. "What is it they say? That which does not kill you makes you stronger?"

"Yeah, that's it," Jeff answered.

"Then I'm going to be the world's strongest man." Matt dropped his hands back into his lap. "Beth, could I ask you for a little favor?"

"Sure, hun. What do you need?"

"Could you maybe go down to the nurses' station and beg for some aspirin? And I'd absolutely love to have a Diet Coke."

"You got it," she said, patting his leg. "I'll be back in a few minutes. They need to know you're awake now anyway."

"Thanks," Matt replied, watching the petite woman leave the room. He turned his attention back to Jeff, who seemed to be staring holes in him. "What?" he questioned his brother.

"Matt, now that Beth's gone, I need to know how you're dealing with this." Jeff's face was a somber projection of the true worry he carried for his sibling.

"As I told you before, I'm alright."

"Somehow I don't believe that big brother," Jeff crossed his arms beside his brother's bed.

"When did you get so doubtful?" Matt questioned the younger Hardy.

"When I had to sit back and watch my older brother go through a world of hurt over the last four months, that's when. I know that deep down, you're holding in, you always do. Matt always has to be the strong one. Show no weakness and all that crap."

Matt looked away, struggling internally to keep his feelings in check. His brother was speaking the truth. He always had tried his darndest to be the strong one. His goal in life had always been to protect Jeff, their Dad, his friends, even Lita. Especially Lita. How it hurt to think of her. She was gone, but he couldn't forget it. The world wouldn't let him forget it. And he couldn't forget the circumstances between them that preceded her death. They haunted him. He tried futilely to push the thought out of his mind.

"Matt?" Jeff knew his brother was a million miles away.

"I meant it when I said I would be fine, Jeff. You can believe me. It's just a concussion and some bumps and bangs. My body will physically heal in a few days."

"But," Jeff sensed there was more and moved to sit down at the foot of his bed.

"But," Matt sighed, giving in. "I have to admit that emotionally, I'm pretty down. Just when I thought I was going to try to climb up out of the valley, I'm knocked right back down again."

Jeff nodded. "I know. It sucks. Just what did Kane say to you anyway? Do you know why he attacked you? It's not like you'd bothered him, or even had words with him since before ..." Jeff broke off, not wanting to say her name. "Since, you know."

Matt sat up in bed a little. It was helping to finally get all this out to someone who'd understand. "You should have seen him, man. I mean, he had a crazy look in his eyes. He said he knew I had something to do with the accident. That it was basically my fault. He said I'd pay. Then he cracked my skull with the chair and I was out."

"Wow, he's warped," Jeff commented, pushing a stray hair out of his eyes.

"He was right," Matt stated quietly.

"What?" Jeff's voice rose in a questioning tone. "Just how hard did he hit you in the head? No way was he right."

"I can't help it Jeff. I do feel like in part, that it was my fault. If I'd been kinder to her, more understanding. Jeff, can't you see, what she did, she did trying to protect me. To keep me safe. And I couldn't see that. I pushed her away."

"Matt, you're off base here. I know you cared for her. Deeply. But don't fall for Kane's mind games. What happened to Lita was not your fault. It was just fate."

"But I feel like if I would've reacted differently, maybe she'd still be here today. With me. And we'd be together and expecting our baby."

"I know. It hurts terribly that she's gone. But don't believe that it's your fault. You knew Lita better than all of us Matt. Think about it. If you two had reconciled, she still had that autograph signing date on her books. Did you ever know Lita to skip out on a commitment?"

Matt reflected on his former love. "Never. I remember more than once she did signings even when she was hurting from a bad bump, or was sick as a dog. She loved the signings."

"Exactly. Even if your circumstances had been different, Lita's commitment to her responsibilities would be the same. She still would've gone on that fateful trip." He sighed, then continued. "So what I'm saying is that Kane was just taking out his own frustrations on you over her loss. Don't let him get inside your head."

Matt nodded, not able to speak. After a moment, he looked up into his brother's eyes with his own watery ones. "I miss her," he whispered.

"I do too," Jeff answered. He reached out and took his brother's hand in a comforting gesture. "There was no one better than Li."

"It's just so unfair, you know?" Matt asked. Jeff knew it would help him to talk about her, if even for a moment. "She just disappeared, like into thin air. It still bothers me that the officials out west couldn't recover her body or give us any other details. It just doesn't sit well with me, you know?"

"Yeah. That's probably in part because we miss her so much. Steph said they did everything they could to find her."

"And I'll never see her beautiful, smiling face again." Matt looked down at his hand in his brother's, patting it in a sign of thanks for his earlier gesture. "One minute she was here with us, and the next she was just gone, without a trace."

"We have memories though. And those are stronger than any photograph."

"Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. Thanks for helping me find some clarity in all this confusion."

tbc