Yippee, here's chapter six and we're getting more random. Hurrah for
randomness. Just one thing, these aren't my characters so there! If only I
had a better imagination I could come up with my own characters but
unfortunately the best I can do is imagine some of the FF girls nude. Oh
well, best get back to the story.
Last chapter, Cloud chased Barret until he somehow knocked himself out. Barret's version of the story was somewhat... strange. Also, Sephiroth got himself into a rather nasty position during a game of Twister. Today, we see what's happening in Alexandria. (Inside the Alexandrian castle, Zidane is running around like a loon whilst holding a letter in his hand. How strange)
Zidane: Yippee! Its here! Its here!
(Over the other side of the room, Garnet and Steiner are watching him)
Garnet: What the hell is he shouting about?
Steiner: I don't have a clue. I'll go ask him.
(Steiner walks up to Zidane)
Zidane: (Cart wheeling) Its here! Its here!
Steiner: What the fuck are you shouting about? What's here?
(Zidane stops and hands Steiner the letter)
Zidane: This letter. Here, read it.
Steiner: Its even yet? Haven't you read it yet?
Zidane: I would if I knew how to read!
Steiner: I see, well I suppose I'll read it...
(Steiner opens the envelope and begins to read the letter)
Steiner: Dear monkey. You have been invited to a special get together party. Bring all your friends (especially Dagger... meow). We're holding at the Blitz stadium in Luca. Be there at around 7:00 on Sunday night. An yes there is lots of alcohol. From Cloud.
Zidane: I don't know... sounds kind of boring if you ask me.
Steiner: PS; Loads of banana sundaes.
Zidane: Luca here we come!
Garnet: (sighs)
(Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle)
Eiko: Why won't anyone listen to me! They all think I'm just some stupid little brat who's not worth listening to! Why won't everyone-
(Vivi is sitting in a corner, his eye twitching)
Eiko: -just get a life! Take Amarant for instance! All he does is sit in his room all day and strokes his hair whilst muttering to himself! What a freak! And as for Steiner, well! He spends all day putting on mascara! Lets not forget-
(Vivi's eye is twitching even more. He begins to tap his finger on the table)
Eiko: -that stupid ho Garnet! She is such a stuck up bitch! She's so far up her own arse that even Zidane smells better! If I had the chance I'd-
(Vivi jumps up and shouts)
Vivi: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I'M FED UP WITH YOU BLABBERING ABOUT ALL THAT BOLLOCKS!!! YOU'RE NOT SO PEFECT YOURSELF MISS 'I LIKE SOMEONE TWICE MY AGE'!!! SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AND DIE!!!
(Vivi storms out the room, leaving Eiko standing there)
Eiko:......... well what the fucks his problem?
(Back at the bad guys base)
Sephiroth: Where's Kefka? He's in deep shit if he doesn't show up soon...
Kuja: Don't worry your pretty little socks off, I'm sure he'll be here soon.
Sephiroth: First thing; he' better be. Second thing; talk to me like that again and you'll be singing like one of the Bee Gees for a week.
Kuja: I'm not really much of a singer but – oh...
(Seymour then walks through the door)
Sephiroth: Did you find him?
Seymour: I checked everywhere he likes to hang out, the joke shop, the circus, the strip club, everywhere.
Sephiroth: What kind of strip club?
Seymour: The one I frequent of course.
Sephiroth: Kefka's not gay you idiot!
Seymour: Well you never know...
Sephiroth: (slaps his face and drags his hand down his face)
(Suddenly Kefka appears behind Seymour)
Kefka: WEDGIE!!!
(He yanks Seymour's underwear up. He's wearing granny pants covered in hearts. He then begins to roll around on the ground in pain)
Sephiroth & Kuja: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Seymour: (cries)
Kefka: WEDGIE!!!
(He wedgies Kuja, lifting his thong so high up, his arse is shredded. Kuja collapses on the ground twitching while his ass bleeds)
Sephitroth: (cringing) Oooohhhhh...
(Kefka then appears behind Sephiroth and tries to wedgie)
Kefka: WEDGIE!!! Wait a minute? Where's your underwear?
Sephiroth: I've gone commando, I'm just that hard.
Kefka: Shit!
(Sephiroth turns around and kicks Kefka in his conkers before bending over and farting in his face)
Sephiroth: Eat fart!!!
Kefka: Sorry, I'm just too busy holding my balls in pain to worry about your thunder from down under (continues doing just that).
Sephiroth: .........
(Back at Alexandria)
Dagger: Why the hell does Steiner want us to see his new suit for the party, its not for 4 days.
Zidane: Well, Steiner's the male equivalent of a women. He needs a good few days to get ready.
Dagger: Yes, I see what you – hey!
Freya: Can't he hurry up? I need to start combing my fur ready for the party.
Dagger & Zidane: .........
Freya: What?
(Then Steiner comes out. Wearing his new suit)
Dagger, Zidane and Freya: (bog eyed) oh – my – God! Where the hell are your clothes?
(Steiner looks down to see he is completely nude)
Steiner: What? It's my birthday suit!
(Suddenly Vincent walks in, spotting Steiner)
Vincent: I HAVE SINNED!!!
(He desperately smothers his face in something to hide his vision . . . Dagger's breasts.)
Vincent: Well this isn't too bad but nonetheless... I HAVE SINNED – AGAIN!!!
(He runs to a nearby door, opens it and dashes in. He spots Queen Brahne . . . wearing a g-string that disappears under her folds of flab)
Vincent: .........
Brahne: (looks up) Hi there big boy...
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Runs out)
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Runs back in)
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Shoots Queen Brahne)
Townspeople of Alexandria: YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
H.F: ......... I shall have nightmares for the rest of my life. Oh, a donut! What were we talking about?
(Queen Brahne suddenly appears)
Brahne: GIVE ME A KISS!!!
H.F: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
(Cue Benny Hill music. Fortunately she runs out of breath... fat cow)
Kefka: (appears) WEDGIE!!!
(Goes to wedgie Brahne but stops)
Kefka: On second thoughts...
(Brahne gets up)
Brahne: Come to mummy!!!
Kefka: OH MY GOD!!! SHES GONNA EAT ME!!!
(Back to Heavens Fury who's hiding up a tree)
H.F: Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter. Next week, 10 characters and the bad guys find out about the party.
(Suddenly the tree moves)
Treebeard: (slowly) Now – don't – be – hasty – little – bastard!
H.F: WTF!!! A talking tree? Am I drunk?
Treebeard: Yes – but – that's – besides – the – point.
H.F: That's it! (summons)
Cerberus: Hi, oooohhhh... big tree.
Treebeard: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO etc...
(lifts leg and begins to relieve himself. Ends up drenching Treebeard AND H.F.)
Cerberus: ahhhhhhhhhhh...
Treebeard & H.F: AAAARRRGGGHHH!!! IT BURNS US!!!
Last chapter, Cloud chased Barret until he somehow knocked himself out. Barret's version of the story was somewhat... strange. Also, Sephiroth got himself into a rather nasty position during a game of Twister. Today, we see what's happening in Alexandria. (Inside the Alexandrian castle, Zidane is running around like a loon whilst holding a letter in his hand. How strange)
Zidane: Yippee! Its here! Its here!
(Over the other side of the room, Garnet and Steiner are watching him)
Garnet: What the hell is he shouting about?
Steiner: I don't have a clue. I'll go ask him.
(Steiner walks up to Zidane)
Zidane: (Cart wheeling) Its here! Its here!
Steiner: What the fuck are you shouting about? What's here?
(Zidane stops and hands Steiner the letter)
Zidane: This letter. Here, read it.
Steiner: Its even yet? Haven't you read it yet?
Zidane: I would if I knew how to read!
Steiner: I see, well I suppose I'll read it...
(Steiner opens the envelope and begins to read the letter)
Steiner: Dear monkey. You have been invited to a special get together party. Bring all your friends (especially Dagger... meow). We're holding at the Blitz stadium in Luca. Be there at around 7:00 on Sunday night. An yes there is lots of alcohol. From Cloud.
Zidane: I don't know... sounds kind of boring if you ask me.
Steiner: PS; Loads of banana sundaes.
Zidane: Luca here we come!
Garnet: (sighs)
(Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle)
Eiko: Why won't anyone listen to me! They all think I'm just some stupid little brat who's not worth listening to! Why won't everyone-
(Vivi is sitting in a corner, his eye twitching)
Eiko: -just get a life! Take Amarant for instance! All he does is sit in his room all day and strokes his hair whilst muttering to himself! What a freak! And as for Steiner, well! He spends all day putting on mascara! Lets not forget-
(Vivi's eye is twitching even more. He begins to tap his finger on the table)
Eiko: -that stupid ho Garnet! She is such a stuck up bitch! She's so far up her own arse that even Zidane smells better! If I had the chance I'd-
(Vivi jumps up and shouts)
Vivi: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I'M FED UP WITH YOU BLABBERING ABOUT ALL THAT BOLLOCKS!!! YOU'RE NOT SO PEFECT YOURSELF MISS 'I LIKE SOMEONE TWICE MY AGE'!!! SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AND DIE!!!
(Vivi storms out the room, leaving Eiko standing there)
Eiko:......... well what the fucks his problem?
(Back at the bad guys base)
Sephiroth: Where's Kefka? He's in deep shit if he doesn't show up soon...
Kuja: Don't worry your pretty little socks off, I'm sure he'll be here soon.
Sephiroth: First thing; he' better be. Second thing; talk to me like that again and you'll be singing like one of the Bee Gees for a week.
Kuja: I'm not really much of a singer but – oh...
(Seymour then walks through the door)
Sephiroth: Did you find him?
Seymour: I checked everywhere he likes to hang out, the joke shop, the circus, the strip club, everywhere.
Sephiroth: What kind of strip club?
Seymour: The one I frequent of course.
Sephiroth: Kefka's not gay you idiot!
Seymour: Well you never know...
Sephiroth: (slaps his face and drags his hand down his face)
(Suddenly Kefka appears behind Seymour)
Kefka: WEDGIE!!!
(He yanks Seymour's underwear up. He's wearing granny pants covered in hearts. He then begins to roll around on the ground in pain)
Sephiroth & Kuja: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Seymour: (cries)
Kefka: WEDGIE!!!
(He wedgies Kuja, lifting his thong so high up, his arse is shredded. Kuja collapses on the ground twitching while his ass bleeds)
Sephitroth: (cringing) Oooohhhhh...
(Kefka then appears behind Sephiroth and tries to wedgie)
Kefka: WEDGIE!!! Wait a minute? Where's your underwear?
Sephiroth: I've gone commando, I'm just that hard.
Kefka: Shit!
(Sephiroth turns around and kicks Kefka in his conkers before bending over and farting in his face)
Sephiroth: Eat fart!!!
Kefka: Sorry, I'm just too busy holding my balls in pain to worry about your thunder from down under (continues doing just that).
Sephiroth: .........
(Back at Alexandria)
Dagger: Why the hell does Steiner want us to see his new suit for the party, its not for 4 days.
Zidane: Well, Steiner's the male equivalent of a women. He needs a good few days to get ready.
Dagger: Yes, I see what you – hey!
Freya: Can't he hurry up? I need to start combing my fur ready for the party.
Dagger & Zidane: .........
Freya: What?
(Then Steiner comes out. Wearing his new suit)
Dagger, Zidane and Freya: (bog eyed) oh – my – God! Where the hell are your clothes?
(Steiner looks down to see he is completely nude)
Steiner: What? It's my birthday suit!
(Suddenly Vincent walks in, spotting Steiner)
Vincent: I HAVE SINNED!!!
(He desperately smothers his face in something to hide his vision . . . Dagger's breasts.)
Vincent: Well this isn't too bad but nonetheless... I HAVE SINNED – AGAIN!!!
(He runs to a nearby door, opens it and dashes in. He spots Queen Brahne . . . wearing a g-string that disappears under her folds of flab)
Vincent: .........
Brahne: (looks up) Hi there big boy...
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Runs out)
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Runs back in)
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Shoots Queen Brahne)
Townspeople of Alexandria: YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
H.F: ......... I shall have nightmares for the rest of my life. Oh, a donut! What were we talking about?
(Queen Brahne suddenly appears)
Brahne: GIVE ME A KISS!!!
H.F: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
(Cue Benny Hill music. Fortunately she runs out of breath... fat cow)
Kefka: (appears) WEDGIE!!!
(Goes to wedgie Brahne but stops)
Kefka: On second thoughts...
(Brahne gets up)
Brahne: Come to mummy!!!
Kefka: OH MY GOD!!! SHES GONNA EAT ME!!!
(Back to Heavens Fury who's hiding up a tree)
H.F: Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter. Next week, 10 characters and the bad guys find out about the party.
(Suddenly the tree moves)
Treebeard: (slowly) Now – don't – be – hasty – little – bastard!
H.F: WTF!!! A talking tree? Am I drunk?
Treebeard: Yes – but – that's – besides – the – point.
H.F: That's it! (summons)
Cerberus: Hi, oooohhhh... big tree.
Treebeard: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO etc...
(lifts leg and begins to relieve himself. Ends up drenching Treebeard AND H.F.)
Cerberus: ahhhhhhhhhhh...
Treebeard & H.F: AAAARRRGGGHHH!!! IT BURNS US!!!