This is Chapter 8 of FF party Bonanza and I'm happy to say that I don't own these characters. Mainly because of how I've only just realised how sick and twisted the lot of them are in the head. Hironobu Sakaguchi......... I pity you.
H.F: Hi there to all my adoring readers! Well......... the three of them at least. Chapter 8 at last and the parties about to close in on us. If you recall, last chapter we were watching some of the FFX characters make themselves look stupid to the general masses. Also The Bad Guys finally found out about the party. Mainly about the part that they weren't invited......... well that's what they heard anyway. Now they are planning on wrecking it and doing something nasty to Cloud and Co. Possibly trying to nick the beer...
(Suddenly the door bell rings......... in the music of the cloister of trials! Christ, who would be sad enough to have that annoying crap as their – oh wait... this is my house... shit)
H.F: Coming, hold on a sec.
(He opens up the door to see Sephiroths-The-Way-To-Go standing there. He looks pissed. Very pissed)
H.F: Oh shit... if this is about the last chapter I'm sorry for mentioning you.
S.T.W.T.G: Thanks to you bastard I'm now the most wanted person in the world!
H.F: Please, it can't be that bad!
S.T.W.T.G: 2,367 people committed suicide after reading what I added to your fucking story.
H.F: And how's it my fault you're the biggest criminal on the planet hmmmm?
S.T.W.T.G: YOU FUCKING STUCK THE BLAME ON ME YOU FUCKING C??T!!!
(As he says the worst word, there is a long beep.)
S.T.W.T.G: What the hell!?
H.F: What? There are some words which I'm obviously gonna censor.
S.T.W.T.G: Like c??t? (beeeeeppppp).
H.F: Especially that word.
(Suddenly there are sirens and a bunch of black vans pull up in front of H.F's home. A load of guys carrying a fuck load of guns come out of them)
S.T.W.T.G: FUCK!!! Hide me! (Runs into the house)
SWAT: (In loud speaker) This is SWAT! We have the house surrounded! Come out with hands up!
(Barely three second after saying all that crap they rush in and shoot loads of stuff and lobbing smoke grenades. Eventually they come out empty handed)
SWAT: He must have escaped through the back entrance. Sweep the surrounding area in a code red alert. That bastards not gonna get away.
(They all run off firing their guns and throwing smoke grenades at completely random objects; hedges, old people, you name it. H.F goes back in side his house and stops next to a small table lamp)
H.F: You can come out now.
(Suddenly the ninja from MGS2 falls down from the ceiling and lands in a crouching position)
H.F: WTF! Not you!
Ninja: Awwww... (sulks off)
H.F: Come out S.T.W.T.G.
S.T.W.T.G: (Removes lamp shade from head) As if those idiots didn't see me. Bwhahahahaha!!!
H.F: Yeah, but looks like they still managed to shoot you.
S.T.W.T.G: Oh shit... (faints from blood loss)
H.F: (sighs)
(Anyway, time to get on with the actual story. Some more FF characters are about to receive their invites)
Cecil: Hahahahaha! I am the bravest person in the land! Hahahahaha!
Rosa: Oh darling, can you help me with the washing up?
Cecil: Awwww... do I have to?
Rosa: Don't make me come through there...
Cecil: Ahhhh!!! Okay, okay! I'm coming!
Palom and Porom: Hahahahahahaha!!!
Cecil: What the hell are you two laughing at? You're both bloody statues!
Palom and Porom: Oh yeah............
(Over in a corner, Kain the Dragoon in muttering something to himself)
Kain: Soon... we will rule this Kingdom...
Kain: But we can't do that... Cecil will kill us!
Kain: Don't worry my precious... he won't be able to trouble us once we're done with him.
Kain: Yay! We're going to kill him aren't we!
Kain: Actually I was just going to get him so drunk he'd just give his crown to us if we asked, but your idea sounds just as good.
Kain: Yes, and then what shall we do.
Kain: We could give Rosa a good turn in the sack.
Kain: But I thoughts we was gay?
Kain: You are, but I'm not me you pansy!
Kain: I thought you loved me! I can't go on any longer! (stabs himself)
(Suddenly Rydia runs through the room (completely ignoring the recent blood shed)... closely followed by that weak tosser who always seems to die in some of the easiest battles... yes, that's right... it's Edge!)
Edge: Come to me my love, I will make this night worthwhile!
Rydia: You sick pervert! Fuck off you paedo!!!
Edge: What? How can you call me a paedo?
Rydia: Well, theoretically speaking... I'm around 8 years old.
Edge: ???
Rydia: Well... before you met me, I was in the land of summons. While there, time goes faster...
Edge: (wearing spectacles whilst writing in a notepad) and...?
Rydia: so... I aged faster.
Edge: And this means what?
Rydia: That you are sick and twisted pervert!
Edge: Errrr... since time goes faster, you age faster right?
Rydia: Well... yeah. So?
Edge: Doesn't that make you older anyway?
Rydia: Errrr... wait a minute!? You're not smart enough to figure that out! Who are you, you imposter!!!
Edge: Bwhahahahaha!!! It is really I, the ultra annoying Namingway! I appear in every town you visit just for plain annoyance!
Rydia: (sighs) oh no, I am so in trouble. Won't someone please save me (yawn).
Namingway: How dare you mock me! Fear my power, HAARRHHH!!! (renames Rydia to......... RIDIA!!!)
Ridia: You changed one letter in my name!? How pathetic are you?
Namingway: Well, my ability does take a hell of a lot of MP ya know!
Ridia: Just change it back before I decide you like trying to make conversation with fire breathing dragons...
Namingway: Okay, okay! (changes back) There, are you happy now?
Rydia: Thanks. Now where's the real Edge?
Namingway: Oh, he's hiding behind that curtain staring at your ass.
Rydia: Thanks again. EDGE!!!
Edge: Shit!
(Rydia chases Edge around the entire castle but eventually loses him. Edge sits down in front of the front door under the letter box.)
Edge: Christ she can (pant) run (huff)! Huh-
(An envelope is pushed through the letter box and lands on Edge's head knocking him out. Yes people, that's just how weak he is. Suddenly Cecil runs through, tramples Edge and picks up the envelope)
Cecil: Yay! My first bit of fan mail... errr... that I have received this week... yeah, that fooled them.
Rosa: Cecil, bring the post here dear, you know how you always get paper cuts!
Cecil: Awwww Rosa!
Rosa: (sprouting horns and eyes turn red) GIVE THE POST HERE OR SUFFER A PAINFUL DEATH BEYOND ANYTHING IMAGINABLE!!!
Cecil: (Whimpers) yes dear...
Rosa: (normal) thank you.
(She opens up the letter and reads through it)
Rosa: It appears we have been invited to a party by Cloud.
Cecil: Errrr... Cloud?
Rosa: Spiky blonde hair, humungous sword. Can't miss him.
Cecil: Ah. Anything else?
Rosa: yes, there is going to be a lot of alcoholic beverages.
Cecil: Eh?
Rosa: Booze you thick shit, booze!
Cecil: To the party!
Rosa: Please dear, you know as well as I do that after one pint of beer, you start to sing the 'Goblin' song. (If you watch Blackadder, you should what the 'Goblin song' is. If not... tough luck.)
Cecil: Awwwwww...
(Elsewhere, the bad guys are up to no good)
Kuja: Hey, hey! What games do you think they'll have?
Seymour: Probably 'pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey' and maybe 'spin-the-bottle'!
Sephiroth: Errr... guys?
Kuja: And maybe they'll have some karaoke!
Seymour: Oh I love doing karaoke!
Sephiroth: Guys?
Seymour: Oh! And how about some of those little hot dog sausages that you get on little cocktail sticks.
Kuja: You mean... cocktail sausages.
Seymour: That's the one. God I love them.
Sephiroth: GUYS!!!
Kuja & Seymour: What!?
Sephiroth: In case you'd forgotten... we're not invited you pair of numb-nuts!!!
Kuja: Oh yeah... those wankers...
(Kefka suddenly runs across the room)
Sephiroth: What's the rush?
Kefka: Can'tstopgottagohaveashitbeforemybowelsexplodebye!
Kuja, Seymour & Sephiroth: Wha???
(The first person who guesses what Kefka just said will win a marvellous prize......... my respect, unless Lost Mercenary answers, in which case I will recognise his existence)
Sephiroth: Okay, while he's off doing whatever he just said... anyone got any ideas for crashing the party?
Kuja: Well... I though we could bust in and scream a lot, then run off.
Sephiroth: Ummm... no, next!
Seymour: Well, we could steal all of their alcoholic beverages.
Kuja & Sephiroth: ???
Seymour: (sigh) Their booze!
Kuja: Oooohhhh...
Sephiroth: It all makes sense now!
Seymour: Well... what do you think?
Sephiroth: Well... that could be the main objective but what are we gonna do to Cloud and his gay gang?
Kuja & Seymour: Hmmmmmm...
(Meanwhile in the bathroom)
Kefka: Oh my GODDDDDD!!! (splatter, splash, plop)
(Kefka has risen two feet into the air on a pile of shit. Gross or what?)
Kefka: Holy Shit! That's never gonna flush!
(He pulls down the lush lever and amazingly enough......... the huge pile of faeces disappears down the u-bend)
Kefka: Man, that's the last time I ever order take out again.
(Before exiting the bog, he sprays a hell of a lot of air freshener. No really, the whole canister)
Kefka: Wow! Even the foul smell of faeces can be disguised by a fresh pine scent... well, until the air freshener all floats down to the ground in any case.
(As he is about to leave suddenly someone bursts into the room......... Liquid Snake!?)
Liquid: (In posh English accent) Come here you bastard! I'm taking your place!
Kefka: No one can replace me!
Liquid: (Quickly dons a mulit-coloured afro and red nose. All his clothes are still the same though)
Kefka: You're kiddin' me! No one'll fall for that!
(Then Sephiroth, Kuja and Seymour all come in to the bathroom... we don't know why, probably cos they're sick perverts)
Sephiroth: What the hell's goin'- what the hell!!! There are two Kefkas!
Seymour: But which ones the fake?
Kuja: I know a question only the real Kefka would know!
Seymour: Relly??? What?
Kuja: Who is... the real Kefka?
Liquid: Er... I am?
Kefka: Damn! I was gonna say that!
Kuja: Get 'im!
(Sephiroth, Kuja and Seymour all bundle on top of Kefka before eventually tying him up... of course this involved Kuja and Seymour groping Kefka's ass a hell of a lot)
Liquid: Ha ha ha! Put that impostor in the basement.
Sephiroth: Hey! I give the orders around here! Put that basement in the impostor!
Kuja: What!?
Seymour: I have no idea what you just said but it sounded completely whacked!
Sephiroth: Grrrrrr... fine! What he bloody said!
Seymour: Ooooohhhhh... righty oh.
Kuja: It all makes sense... now... is it just me or has that line been said several times in the fan fic whenever someone says something either too smart or too stupid?
Sephiroth: Errrr...
Liquid: Pardon me old chap?
Kuja: (Sighs)...
(They all drag poor old Kefka to the basement and throw him... even if he is evil, you can't help but feel sorry for the poor clown.)
Kuja: I shall... keep an eye on the impostor... and... interrogate him for answers...
Seymour: Yes... I shall help...
(They both go into the basement and close the door behind them, followed by the sound of several locks being... locked.)
Kefka: please no... not the umbrella! Anything but the umbrealla... (sound of a umbrella opening) AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
Sephiroth: So Kefka, any ideas on how we're going to steal that booze?
Liquid: Wha...???
Sephiroth: You know, the booze from Cloud's party.
Liquid: Errrr... we position our selves in strategic positions around the vicinity using cunning stealth. And then at the right time, we ambush them and take them by surprise.
Sephiroth: Absolutely bloody brilliant! I didn't understand any of it but brilliant none the less!
Liquid: Bwahahahahahaha!!!
Sephiroth: Bwahahahahahaha!!!
Liquid: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah!!!
Sephiroth: Kefka?
Liquid: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Sephiroth: SHUT UP!
Liquid: ha...
Yay! Chapter flippin' 8 is finally finished! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I hope you like this chapter. Unfortunately I didn't get any FF5 in after all, well... next chapter maybe. Also S.T.W.T.G. has changed his name and I have no idea what it is now... oh well.