Break Away

I love this song and this story grew out of it. There's a bit more to the ending than previously posted on the ELF list.

It's set after the last aired episode and primarily Lucas and Bridger.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change

And break away

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But, I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And break away

Kelly Clarkson

Lucas Wolenczak kicked open the door with one foot as he awkwardly shifted the heavy box in his arms. Gingerly, he set the box on the coffee table and flopped down on the couch. His arms ached from all the lifting. It was too bad the others couldn't make it to help him. The whole moving thing would have gone smoother. But he guessed a visit from the Secretary General took precedent.

He yawned and looked around his spacious apartment. It was a little more 'fru fru' than he liked but Loni had promised to help make it more 'manly'. Ten cardboard boxes dotted the room, primarily filled with computer equipment. Not much to show for 30 years of life. But of course he reminded himself, ten years of that was spent in a 'no shopping zone'. And there's not much need for armchairs and china when you live on a submarine.

His apartment. His bedroom, his kitchen, his pots and pans. His responsibility.

He remembered how his hand had a slight shake when he signed the lease. Things had changed so quickly in a short amount of time. After the UEO had agreed to give him the honorable discharge, there wasn't any point to hanging around the seaQuest. After all, hadn't that been the whole point – to leave?

With a sigh, Lucas pushed himself upright again. He puttered around, checking the refrigerator to see if it had been turned on, testing the light switches to see what did what and taking a quick look out the window. God. It was so quiet. He was used to the steady hum of the seaQuest's engines and the peaceful but always conspicuous presence of 200 people in an enclosed space. He needed to get his music hooked up first thing. And then his computers. Luckily, the apartment came furnished but he did need to go out and buy a new mattress. He wondered where to look for something like that. What the hell did he know about buying a mattress, anyway.

The buzzer sounded and saved him from his thoughts. He knew that the buzzer meant that someone was at the door. Fumbling for the correct button, he tried to remember what the real estate lady had said. "Hmm, yes, this is Lucas. Who's there?" Man, what a screw up he was. Can't even answer the door properly.

"Lucas, its Kristin."

What the... ? Doctor Westphalen. How did she know where to find him? They hadn't talked for about three months, right after Banaba. "Come on up."

Lucas paced around the apartment until the knock at the door. Excitedly, he yanked open the door and beamed at his guest. "Hi."

"Lucas!" Kristin enveloped him in a big hug. "It's wonderful to see you."

"Kristin! How did you know where to find me?"

The doctor simply replied, "Tim called" as if that explained everything. "Hmm, Lucas," Kristin started, wary of the reaction she was going to get. "I brought someone else with me. Someone who really wants to see you, so please, give him a chance."

A look of confusion passed over the young man's face until a man stepped into view.

Nathan Bridger.

Wolenczak's handsome face hardened with a look of displeasure. "Captain," he greeted, careful to keep his voice neutral.

"Hello, Lucas. I've missed you."

At those three words, Lucas' carefully erected walls came crumbling down and he turned away as tears welled in his eyes. Damn. How was it that Bridger always knew how to get under his skin. How dare he walk back into his life so casually.

"What, now that I've left the military, we can be come friends again," he asked angrily. Needing to put some distance between them, he walked over to the window and stared out. He could see Bridger's reflection as he moved forward into the apartment.

Kristin still stood at the doorway. "I'll go get us a pizza and soda. Be back soon," she commented and disappeared, shutting the door behind her.

Bridger sat on the couch. "Can you come over so we can talk?" As Lucas continued to stare out the window, Nathan let out a small sigh. "We are too much alike, you and I."

"You're exactly like my father. Needs me when I'm useful and then forgets about me," Lucas spat out.

"That's just it, I'm trying hard not to be like your father. Who put you on the SeaQuest in the first place? Your father. Did you have a choice?" he asked rhetorically, not really expecting an answer. "Who am I to ask you to leave SeaQuest? That last day, after Hyperion, when I left, it was my time to leave. Yes, I wanted to take you with me but I realized it wasn't my decision to make. I tried make you leave once before, remember? You needed to make your own decision."

Lucas turned around and walked closer to the couch as he tried to follow the logic of the words. Make my own decisions? That was something my parents never let me do. It was always their way or the highway, no discussion. They had my entire life plotted out before I turned 5.

Bridger continued, "But as it turns out, my thinking backfired on me. You did the one think I never would have suspected, you joined the Navy." He bowed his head and his voice became softer and filled with emotion. "After everything you knew about my losing Robert...I thought it was deliberate attempt on your part to tell me to go away." At that, his voice broke and he took a couple deep breaths.

Nathan got up and started to pace. "I was so furious that you would do such a thing, so hurt. So I stayed away. Then we had the Banaba mission. All we seemed to be doing was hurting each other. "Then the nightmares started. Kristin said it was due to all the stress and the changes." He stopped in front of Lucas and looked him in the face, so Lucas could see – could understand – the sadness. Normally he didn't like to feel emotionally vulnerable and his walls were usually as tight as Lucas' were. But this time it was important to both of them to lay all the cards on the table, as it were. "Then the nightmares started. Kristin said it was due to all the stress and the changes. There were many variations of the theme but you had died, on the seaQuest." He wiped his eyes with his hand and turned away. It was only a few tears but he hoped it was enough to show Lucas how he felt.

Lucas was stunned. Captain Bridger was crying? Nobody had ever cried over him before and he had certainly never seen the Captain cry about anything or anyone. He considered what Bridger had said and started to understand things from the Captain's point of view. He thought back to that conversation months ago with Tim in the moonpool. Maybe Bridger hadn't changed at all; maybe he, himself, had finally grown up. Michael had needed his grandfather more than he had needed Bridger. After all, hadn't the Captain sacrificed everything for his grandson; he really didn't have a choice.

He walked over and gently put his hand on the Captain's shoulder. "I was so angry with you. I thought you were leaving me. And Hudson didn't leave me a choice about joining the Navy. I felt that I had no where else to go."

"Hudson. He was suppose to keep you on if you wanted to stay. I knew nothing about the ultimatum he gave you. It wasn't until I was lying in SeaQuest's medbay that Tim told me what had happened. By then it was too late to do anything about it; you had made your choice." Turning around, Bridger clasped Lucas' shoulder to pull him close. "Look, we've both made mistakes. I know we can never go back but I'm hoping we can start fresh and be friends again."

Again, the tears made an appearance in Lucas' eyes. "I'm sorry, I was so rude to you and my ego got in the way. I wanted to prove myself to you and then I hated myself for hurting you." Now it was his turn to turn away, biting his lip hard. "You were right. Joining the Navy was a big mistake. I let everyone down, Tim, Jonathan, Tony, you. It was nothing like I thought it would be. The mission at Banaba – well, I never want to be a good soldier, if that's what it means, to hurt people. The psychiatrists said it was amazing that I lasted so long."

Strong arms gathered him up and held him tight. "What psychiatrists?"

Looking up at the confused expression on Bridger's face, Lucas let out a harsh chortle. "What, you didn't know? I thought Tim would have told Kristin. I had what they term a panic attack. I froze during a battle and it went downhill from there. Hudson made me go to a shrink and everyone agreed that it would be best if I left. I'll spare you all the messy details so you and Kristin can have some interesting late night reading. Now I'm back to Lucas Wolenczak, civilian." He couldn't stop the tears now. Months of frustration and pent up stress poured out as Bridger held him.

Finally, he pulled himself back together and moved away from the Captain, needing some personal space. Nathan understood and settled on the couch.

"Now what?" Lucas asked, "Where do we go from here?"

As on cue, the door buzzer sounded.

"Pizza!" Nathan said happily.

The next hour was spent as old friends got reacquainted, sharing stories and remembrances from years past. At last, the last piece of pizza was gone and Lucas yawned sleepily.

Kristin threw the paper plates in the trash while Nathan collected the empty pizza boxes. As they made ready to leave, Kristin reminded Lucas, "We'll see you tomorrow morning and we'll go out and pick up important household supplies, like plates and toilet paper."

Embarrassed, Lucas blushed slightly. "Hey, give me a break! I'm new to all this." He gave Kristin a warm hug and then let Bridger embrace him.

"You do have a blanket and a pillow, right?" laughed Bridger. "Sleep tight. We'll see you tomorrow, kiddo."

After they left, Lucas kicked off his sneakers, flopped on the couch and put his feet on the coffee table. He picked up the remote and flicked on the stereo that the Captain had helped him unpack.

Things with Captain were better than they had been in months. He knew that they would never go back to the relationship they had but maybe Bridger would consider him more of an adult friend rather than a responsibility. The Captain was right; the past was over. He had tried something and it hadn't worked out for him. Now it was time to figure out a new path of his life. He had done things that most people don't do or see in a whole lifetime. Now it was time to try 'normal' for awhile. And it was nice to know that he had friends, good friends, to help him out.

He sighed. It was spooky being on his own but exciting too. No one to tell him to get his feet of the coffee table, not to drink out of the milk carton or tell him to turn the music down. No one to tell him to go to bed.

For the first time in his life, he didn't belong to anyone. Not his parents, not to the university, not to the seaQuest, and certainly not to the UEO.

He had grown up.

KAB 2004