What Happens Here Stays Here

by mackenzie925

Harm and Mac work to find alone time in Las Vegas. However, the story doesn't stop there as Harm must deal with a frightening dream ... NEW Chapter 12!

6. Courage Under Fire

TITLE: What Happens Here Stays Here

RATING: PG-13

PAIRING: Harm/Mac

DISCLAIMER: I do not own JAG.

Author's Note: Finally an update. But a long one. Thanks to everyone who has been reading this and enjoying it. It encourages me quite a bit, and I thank you so much for your reviews and kind words. Enjoy! Reviews always welcome!!

Chapter Title: Courage Under Fire

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

0905 EST

Petty Officer Jennifer Coates walked around the bullpen, carrying files needing to reach the Admiral's desk ASAP. All morning new files were arriving into JAG Headquarters, the caseload increasing by the second. Why everything was so busy in the Navy and Marine world, Coates would never know. Yet today dared to challenge the skills of the JAG officers, Admiral Krennick in particular, since she took the helm. Not that Admiral Krennick was nice before, but nowadays the Admiral hardly had time for anyone, extra mean. At least Admiral Chegwidden, most of the time, remained someone his officers could talk to, despite his foul mood.

Sighing, as Coates began to enter her office and soon into the Admiral's, she stopped for a second to watch the scene in front. Arriving, always on time, Colonel Mackenzie walked to her office, saying hello to those she passed. In a mere second later, Commander Rabb entered the bullpen, exchanging the same pleasantries as the Colonel. It didn't take long for Rabb to walk over to Mackenzie, smiling warmly, a few words discussed. Even if they were on good terms, they always joked and argued slightly. However, recently, Coates would suggest the previous few months, they still joked but rarely argued.

As she hid a little closer to the entrance of her office, watching carefully as Harm and Mac talked, standing quite close, a voice whispered behind her, "Something interesting?"

Nearly jumping out of her hiding spot, she glanced quickly to see Bud's curious stare. If anyone would notice her strange behavior, it would be Bud. Sighing again, after collecting herself, she indicated towards the Colonel and Commander, explaining, "Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Rabb. They arrive at the same time every day."

Maybe her evidence didn't sound like too much, but Coates knew more.

Bud shrugged, unsure of the path Coates was trying to take him. "So?" The private activities of superior officers probably should not be any of his concern. That would be his answer every time, yet the two superior officers were his two best friends, not including Harriet. What happened in their lives was important to him because of that friendship.

Coates hugged her files a little closer to her as she continued, "And I live next to Commander Rabb. He hasn't been home in days." As neighbors, she noticed his frequency in his apartment. Before a few months ago, he came at least every night, many times spending the entire night at home, especially with Mattie. Even when Mattie first left, much of his time was spent in his apartment, going over cases. However, soon after, Coates never caught the Commander arriving home, and never noticed him leaving for work. If she did, it happened once in awhile, maybe a week at a time, then a week lull. Usually the week he was home, oddly enough, Mac would be gone on assignment. This Coates began to realize the more she added up Harm's strange behavior.

"I really don't think it's any of our business, Jennifer," Bud whispered, though his voice couldn't hide his own curiosity. In many ways, Harm and Mac finally in a relationship meant major changes, for everyone in JAG, really, to some extent. They were the superior officers, both here the longest of everyone. Everyone respected them and looked up to them. If they were in a relationship together, it would be like watching the two most popular kids in high school, the two most compatible, and the pair everyone has been rooting for, finally get together. Yet the inevitable changes would come.

A voice behind Bud and Coates asked sternly, "What is none of your business?" Both Coates and Bud turned quickly to see Sturgis standing there, arms crossed, quite upset with the secrecy taking place in front of him.

Smiling sheepishly, Coates answered, "Well, sir, we were watching Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie."

Sturgis' eyebrows shifted up slightly as he asked, "Why?" He knew why, having noticed the interesting behavior between his best friend and Colonel Mackenzie, yet he intended on keeping any conclusions to himself. As always, he felt such personal information and rumors should be kept out of the JAG office, as it would be unprofessional in such a setting. Knowing the history between Harm and Mac, trying desperately to stay out of it, he always found himself in the middle one way or another. Only the last few months did he hear nothing, or sense no angst between them, which he swiftly contributed to two possible solutions; either they finally decided to stop being childish and just be friends, or they declared their undying love for one another. Oddly enough, Sturgis tended to believe the latter, and he didn't know why.

Bud responded nervously, "No reason really, sir. Only observing their ... punctuality." Instantly Bud knew he overstepped boundaries, feeling guilty of his actions, getting caught by a superior officer.

Sturgis smirked, responding, "Whatever is going on between two officers is their own business. If it happens it spill over into our space, then we deal with it. Otherwise, leave it be."

Coates sighed, looking back to their point of interest, now watching as Harm followed Mac into her office, the door closing behind them. Bud glanced to Coates, shrugged his shoulders, and then left towards his own office. Though he would love to know what his two friends were talking about, now somewhat convinced something may be going on, he did have work to do. Sturgis, of course, was right. Until the information dropped into his lap on accident, he couldn't go on a quest to prove his suspicions right.

Sturgis smiled, only sensing Admiral Krennick's approach from behind in the very last second before their commanding officer asked, "Were those files ever going to reach my desk, Petty Officer?"

Coates turned quickly to the Admiral standing behind them, waiting patiently for an answer. The files in Coates hand, she insisted, "Ma'am, I was just on my way. Sorry. I'll get them to your desk ..."

"Don't bother now," Krennick snapped, grabbing the files from Coates, sighing with irritation. Today was not the day to anger the Admiral, Coates already weathering her foul mood during the entire morning. Coates cursed herself, knowing better than to trip up on her duties during such a time of change, getting caught up in activities non-JAG related during JAG hours, on the Admiral's time. An angry Krennick would not help the already shaken JAG office, the many officers under her command busy just trying to deal with the change of a new commanding officer. "Go tell Colonel Mackenzie I request her presence in my office ASAP."

Sturgis smirked slightly as he glanced to the Petty Officer, Admiral Krennick quickly striding back to her office. Of all those in the bullpen, Petty Officer Jennifer Coates handled the change the best, especially considering her duties and the majority of her time in the close proximity of the difficult Admiral. Concentrating many of her thoughts on a possible office romance probably helped Coates deal with Krennick that much better. Reaching over to give her a pat on the shoulder, Sturgis offered, "Hang in there, Petty Officer."

As he left, Coates' eyes gazed over to Colonel Mackenzie's office door, determined to shake off her mistake. Coates needed to prove herself to the Admiral, pretend she was once again serving underneath Admiral Chegwidden, praying the days would quickly pass. In the meantime, she would fetch Colonel Mackenzie; all the while keeping her eyes open for more reasons to believe the two were in a relationship. She wouldn't snoop, just be observant. That's all.

Mac's office

JAG Headquarters

0905 EST

Mac began to unlock her office door, arriving on time, despite the horrible traffic coming in. Her mind should be on the enormous amount of cases awaiting her attention and expertise, already remembering the many meetings with clients she needed to attend today. However, in the back of her subconscious sat Harm's problems, his insistence of hiding them, the burden he carried. The question rising in her heart asked why Harm didn't want to tell her his problem, why he preferred to go through it alone. Since they moved in together, Mac felt, if anything, Harm would be more willing to share. Or, at least, he should be considering the new dynamic their relationship was now in, what it required.

"Hey," Harm called behind, stepping up, having just arrived at JAG himself. Of course, they arrived a few minutes apart to create the illusion of two people arriving to work from separate locations. Hopefully the trick worked, yet Harm wasn't thinking of this. On his mind was something much more important, something he forget to mention at breakfast this morning.

Mac turned towards Harm and smiling as she sensed the difficulty she would have accomplishing any work today. Harm was most attractive in the black navy uniform he now wore, the entire morning Mac barely able to get ready for work while observing him during breakfast and before they left the apartment. The thought caused her to blush slightly, desperately trying to hide her reaction as she returned, "Hey." Harm didn't need something else to add to his ego, though Mac felt that night she may insist on living out her current fantasy.

"Can we talk?" he whispered subtly, instantly catching Mac's attention. Either something crazy happened on the way to work that Harm needed to talk about, or perhaps he finally felt the need to tell her about his problem. Whichever scenario, Mac certainly felt intrigued. Usually they do all of their talking and sharing the night before or that morning, rarely during work. Though, Mac thought now, he could be talking about a case.

Mac nodded, stepping into her office, giving Harm room to walk in behind her. Setting her briefcase next to her desk, she removed her coat and hung it on her coat rack. "Something wrong, Commander?" she asked, a little playfully, attempting to lighten the conversation to come. For some reason, Mac felt the topic was a bit serious if Harm needed to instantly talk to her the minute they arrived at work. If the topic were so important, however, Mac would have expected him to share it that morning. Yet she knew whatever it may be, she needed to be there for him.

Harm stepped up to her desk, watching as Mac sat down behind it, flipping her computer on. The week apart from Mac gave him the chance to think about many different aspects of their relationship, mostly concerning its general direction. When he wasn't suffering from his horrible dreams, Harm thought constantly of his future with Mac. The further their relationship progressed, the closer the time came when keeping everything secret would be impossible. Honestly, Harm felt it necessary to begin letting immediate family know of the wonderful life changes occurring in their lives, the undying connection between them. "I talked to Mattie last night," Harm began.

Mac immediately smiled, glancing up at Harm's content face. Such news assured Harm of the right choices he made in his life recently. Dealing with Mattie's departure hurt Harm greatly, many nights causing him to lay awake with worry and sadness for his loss. It took him months to fully accept the sudden change, Mac sitting up with him night after night once their relationship initially began. He needed someone to hold him then, tell him all would turn out fine, attempt to fill the void left in Mattie's wake. Though the latter request was next to impossible to accomplish, Mac knew she filled a section in Harm's heart, one reserved especially for her ever since they met. "How is she doing?" Mac asked.

"She's doing great, really getting used to her current situation, her father," Harm informed, smiling, deeply happy that Mattie's life was turning out wonderfully. Even though the change hurt it was essential. Honestly, though Harm missed Mattie greatly, he sensed all turned out for the best. Harm quickly added, crossing his arms over his chest, "I was thinking the three of us could go to dinner Saturday night." His eyes matched Mac's, searching for her first reaction, any clue to her true feelings of such a request.

Actually, Mac wondered then why Harm didn't mention such a scenario sooner. Each knew Mattie was beginning to suspect something, often asking Harm why he never answered his phone at night. Moving in together only made the secret much harder to keep. Though they lived in Mac's apartment, Harm chose to keep his own apartment, if only to keep up the masquerade of still being single. If someone at JAG happened to find out he moved out of his apartment, suspicions would arise and soon their relationship would be revealed. For that reason only did Harm keep some personal positions in his apartment, sometimes returning to it for show. Mac knew of the extreme difficulty, relieved to know Harm wanted to lessen the burden a little. Smiling, Mac leaned back in her chair, replying, "That sounds good to me."

Harm noticeable smiled in relief, happy Mac accepted the invitation, not only to reveal their relationship to someone for the first time, but willing to take that next step with him. Just the idea excited him, assured him of his place with this woman, of the relationship they shared. Everything fit perfectly. "Great," Harm remarked, smiling widely, wanting to give her a small kiss.

A knock at the door quickly made Harm forget his intentions, Mac sighing herself in response as she glanced at the closed door. This was exactly why they rarely talked of serious subjects at JAG. Not only because they might get caught, but because they were constantly interrupted Luckily the conversation was essentially over. "Yes?" Mac called, smirking slightly at the timing of such interruptions. They never got caught doing something they shouldn't, always held back, and, as far as they knew, had yet been discovered, despite the interruptions.

"It's Petty Officer Coates, ma'am," came the voice behind the door.

Harm smiled, glancing to Mac, who began to laugh lightly as she called back, "Come in, Petty Officer."

Once Coates opened the door, Harm turned glanced quickly to the Petty Officer before turning to Mac. Right now, the last thing they needed was rumors, everything in their masquerade to this point proceeding as they wished and planned. Leaving this situation quickly was quite wise to insure no one suspected anything, treating his small meeting with Mac as purely professional and nothing more. Beginning to walk past Coates and to the door, Harm replied to Mac, "That's my cue to leave. See you at lunch." He smiled to Coates as he began to walk out the door.

However, quickly Mac caught him by calling behind with insistence, "Wait, no, Harm." Harm stopped mid stride, turning to glance at Mac. She knew he forgot much of the day's schedule; both of their minds caught up in much more than just JAG cases. Though everyday they ate lunch together, today would not allow them that time together at all. "You're in court all day," she began, "and I'll be out in Norfolk investigating a case."

The knowledge she spoke of seemed almost automatic, like she knew of his schedule as if it was apart of hers. Mac knew where he would be most of the morning and the afternoon, knew what he was doing, what cases he was trying. Knowing such details, despite being Harm's best friend, was unusual. Unusual for just a friend. Coates noted this, sensing once again something much more going on here. Harm nodded knowingly, realizing Mac was quite correct of his schedule and their inability to meet.

"That's right. I'll see you when you get back then," Harm promised subtly, giving her a wink before leaving the office completely.

Mac tried desperately to hide her smile, hoping her time in investigation might take her mind off of Harm, of his problems, of her own problems. Though forgetting about Harm usually was quite difficult, especially when he became more and more apart of her life. An important part, a section of everything she was. Whenever she heard his name, conversations concerning him, Mac felt a duty to listen in, to talk of him as if she knew everything about him. To talk of him as if he belonged to her. Because he did. Because she loved him deeply. Because everything he was going through, she was also suffering, as well. Because she wanted to know everything about him. Because she would readily risk everything for him. Because she would die for him.

Suddenly glancing to Coates, Mac asked quietly, needing to change what her mind concentrated on, "What did you want, Jennifer?"

Coates pretended she saw nothing, knew of nothing, only of her immediate task. Maybe she saw something she shouldn't, or sensed a situation of great importance, but none of it needed to concern her. None of it was her business. Coates fought back her curiosity, a need to inquire further of what she interrupted. Acting ignorant would be her best ally. "The Admiral requests to see you ASAP, ma'am."

Mac nodded, standing up, feeling the shift from personal life to professional happen quickly. The time to get back to work was now. "Okay."

Admiral Krennick's office

JAG Headquarters

0920 EST

"Come in!" Krennick called, sitting at her desk and scribbling more notes to a case. Looking up, she saw Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie step in quickly, moving to the front of the desk at attention. Krennick tended to like Mackenzie the most in comparison to the rest of the officers that served underneath her. The Colonel worked hard, gave all she had to cases, and rarely backed away from a difficult case. On top of that, the Colonel was extremely intelligent, usually winning her cases with no problem. The only adversary Mackenzie stumbled with was Commander Rabb, only winning half of her cases, at most, when she faced him.

"You requested me, ma'am," Colonel Mackenzie stated.

Krennick nodded. "At ease, Colonel." If anything, Krennick tended to see much of herself in the Colonel, a tough woman struggling to make herself known in the military world. Before she took command, Krennick looked into each of the officers serving under her, attempting to obtain a clearer picture of each. Word of Mackenzie reflected her commitment, her strength, her toughness, as well as her strong fight for the truth. Her style was "shoot from the hip", by the book, on top of being a great investigator. The latter was most important the moment. "You can sit, Colonel. I have a case for you."

Colonel Mackenzie took the advice, sitting comfortably in front of Krennick's desk, folding her hands in her lap. The new challenge would help Mac take her mind off of everything going on in her life, give her a chance to breath a bit after so much worry. Work tended to be a way to escape in many instances, such personal issues as Mic leaving her, almost losing Harm, and Clayton's death. At the moment, it would serve the same purpose, taking her mind off of Harm's personal issues. "Excellent," Mac remarked.

Krennick stood and walked to the front of her desk and leaned back against it. Whenever the case was a difficult one, or the task she was about to assign would be challenging, Krennick liked to talk on a personal level. The desk tended to be a barrier when attempting to ease her officers' minds. Sitting with her officers, standing with them as an equal helped her reassure them of her decision to give them such an important case. This instance was no different. "A Lance Corporal Stevens was on patrol with another Corporal one night. They were attending to their tasks when a shot suddenly rang out, causing both to drop to the ground quickly. On further inspection, the Lance Corporal was grazed in the arm by the bullet. Their CO, a Captain Mason, claimed he saw an intruder in their camp and fired. However, the Lance Corporal claims his CO was aiming for him. So he's pressing charges."

Mac smirked slightly, sensing already the "he said, she said" aspect of this case. Initially the case seemed like a can of worms, though, as Mac always believed, the truth could always be discovered. Such a challenge was exactly what Mac was looking for. "I'll be glad to take the case on, ma'am," Mac replied with content.

Yet there was much more, Krennick thought. Much more. Grabbing the case file from her desk, she handed it to Colonel Mackenzie, watching as the Colonel took the folder and opened it. The reaction Krennick expected of Mackenzie came quickly, that of surprise and disbelief. The case sounded simple, possibly a younger soldier looking for a reason to take out his CO because of another problem. Such a conclusion would not be unheard of, especially considering where they were stationed, the craziness yet truth of the CO's story. "Iraq?" Mac asked, the disbelief evident in her voice. This Mac did not expect.

Krennick nodded, sighing slightly before continuing, "The case has captured the attention many in Washington because of its delicate nature. The press is already talking about it. I needed to send my best, someone who could talk to the two Marines on a different level than a normal JAG. Being a Marine, Colonel, I thought you were best for the job. There's a great need to get this taken care of quietly. By the Navy sending one of their best, they hope it will show how serious the case is being taken." Krennick knew she made the right decision, having to decide between Rabb and Mackenzie. She couldn't send both because of the amount of cases at JAG's doorstep at the moment. The sound of the case spoke of a misunderstanding, possibly a chance to get the charges dropped if handled correctly. Such mistakes, friendly fire, happened often in wartime.

Though Mac may have attempted to think of work and her cases, now she couldn't help but think of Harm once again. He would be upset greatly of her departure to such a dangerous place, especially without him coming along. Since their new relationship began, Harm's protectiveness of Mac increased. He would not deal with this well at all. Honestly, Mac didn't know how she would feel if the roles were reversed, probably would have just as much difficulty letting Harm go as Harm would have letting her go. But Mac had no choice. And she wasn't going to let fear rule her life. "How long will I be gone?" Mac asked, finally collecting her thoughts.

"A week at the most," Krennick responded, initially easing Mac's worries a bit. She knew how difficult this would be for the Colonel, no one wanting to be sent to Iraq, in such dangerous conditions. But as every other soldier, Krennick knew Mac would do her duty and do it gladly. Fear would not be an issue for the Colonel, and soon the case would be over before it began.

Mac then asked quietly, glancing up at the Admiral, "When do I leave, ma'am?" If she had a few days, she could give Harm a chance to get used to the idea, possibly convince him everything would be fine. If she left today, she probably wouldn't be given the chance to say goodbye. Living such a life certainly strained their relationship to some extent. Mac couldn't deny that. She knew Harm would understand her duty, would understand she would have no choice. Yet it would still be very difficult for him. Know she couldn't keep Harm off of her mind, his face, his reaction, his fear overflowing in her heart.

Krennick responded, "Tomorrow morning."

Mac nodded, feeling a small relief in knowing it gave her at least a little time to ease Harm into this. She was only gone for a week, so that would help. The week would pass; she would be home with Harm, all problems passed. Yet the time away from each other would put stress on their relationship, having been away from each other the entire week before. Not only that, but Mac would miss the dinner with Harm and Mattie. The timing of such an assignment couldn't be worse.

Courtroom

JAG Headquarters

1100 EST

Harmon Rabb listened intently to the testimony, his friend and colleague Sturgis Turner issuing the questions to his client. Though Harm wanted all of his attention to be on the case at hand, he quickly found his mind traveling to the dream that didn't leave him. The images began to flash across his mind again, causing him to settle a hand across his face, attempting to will them out. But they wouldn't leave. In a mere second his mind no longer listened to the testimony but was overcome by the flashing images of Sarah, the man, the gunfire.

Not only could he not get the images out of his mind at a time when they were truly unwelcome, Harm also began to see the dream play out in front of his eyes. Never did he experience this before, now the dreadful scene taking him while he was awake. He tried to close his eyes, hoping the scene would leave, but the images were pasted on the inside of his eyelids. He couldn't escape it. Why was this happening? Why?

Before Harm knew it, the same scene played itself out. He watched as Sarah came towards him, yet this time she was running. She never ran before, usually merely walking. Now she was running. Running. Her face spoke of desperation and fear. Fear for what? Yet before Harm could answer his own question, the man appeared behind her again. Again Harm tried desperately to run, but found his legs in horrible pain. He couldn't move far in his previous dreams for the same reason, realizing this in hindsight. Soon he fell to the ground, began to crawl towards Sarah as she continued to run towards him. Yet she didn't get too far.

Suddenly the man appeared from behind, Sarah sensing and stopping to turn, fire erupting around her once again. Harm cried out her name over and over again, reached for her, desperately moving towards her at a failing pace. He would never reach her time. The man stopped as he pulled out his pistol, shot once. Twice. A third. Harm saw Sarah fall to the ground, the agony overflowing Harm's soul. A pain drilled through his entire body, and again he cried out.

"No!" Harm cried out, pushing himself away from his desk and standing. The sweat dripped off of his face again, his breath ragged, the fear enveloping him, blanketing him in darkness. Yet he did not see or sense the confused stares, the glances of worry towards his direction.

Sturgis walked up to his friend, placing a hand on his arm. "Harm?" he whispered in great question, concern filling his voice.

The judge asked with worry, "Commander Rabb, is everything okay?"

Harm began to catch his breath ever so slightly, enough to push the images out of his mind as he realized what just happened. Looking around, he saw the judge staring at him not with anger but with concern, knowing Commander Rabb never acted like this. Something was definitely wrong. Harm turned to see Sturgis, who waited for an answer, his eyes displaying great worry for his friend. Never did dreams take Harm's life like this, take his soul in such a way. Why?

Collecting himself, he looked to the judge. "Your Honor, I request a 5 minute recess." He couldn't be here right now; he needed to break away for a second, the sickness in his stomach rising quickly. He felt tingling sensations all through his body, under his skin. Whether it was his mind playing tricks on him, or the utter shock of the dream finally overtaking him, he didn't know. But he needed to leave, and quickly.

The judge nodded, hitting the gavel. "A 5 minute recess." The judge knew something was wrong, knew she needed to give him a chance to figure out the problem.

Before Sturgis took a chance to talk to him, Harm bolted out of the courtroom, the doors behind him swinging with an eerie silence in his wake. For some reason, Sturgis reasoned the problem having something to do with Sarah Mackenzie, rightfully so, knowing nothing else in Harm's life took such a toll on him. Whatever it may be, Sturgis felt a dire need to ensure his friend was all right. Maybe this moment was not the time, but soon Sturgis would inquire. Soon he would find out.

Men's bathroom

JAG Headquarters

1110 EST

Harm stormed through the door, the sensation deep in his stomach quickening his movements as he shifted quickly to ensure he was alone. Once he reached an open stall, he barreled through, the urgency finally relieving itself as he bent over the toilet. The initial sickness soon left. His breathing had yet come under control as flushed the toilet and pulled back away, leaning against the wall of the stall for support. He closed eyes, his hand involuntarily going to unbutton the coat of his uniform to help give him air. So reactionary, so overwhelming was the dream that he did not have a chance to think of what he saw.

Stepping out of the stall, he stepped to a sink and turned on the cold water, splashing his face over and over again. Initially the chill quickly brought his mind back to reality, the images slipping from his mind second by second. He then looked at himself in the mirror, turned off the water, hoping the images would leave, seeing a burdened, terrified face staring back at him. Why was this happening?

The images were terrifying enough, yet his reaction came from one concept; he loved Mac. He didn't just love her; he loved her deeply, as deeply someone could be loved. So often did he imagine their future together, their life. For the first time in his life he felt happiness shade his soul, everything he wanted finally coming together. How long it took for him to finally show Mac how he felt, tell her, love her. To lose all of that in a few seconds, as he dream suggested, made him sick to his stomach. Sick because there was nothing he could do, no matter how strong he was, how fast he was, how smart he was. According to his dream, if it were true, he would lose everything that mattered to him. It was enough to lose Mattie, now he would lose Mac, too.

Just the thought, the promise of his dream made him sick to his stomach, caused him to breath rigidly, the sensations filling him with terror beyond his comprehension. Could he prevent this? Could he make sure that Mac didn't get herself in dangerous situations until the dream passed? Was that possible?

Or was this just a dream and he was overreacting? If that were true, why was his dream getting worse? Why did the images never leave him?

Sighing deeply, Harm leaned heavily over the sink, only the sound of water dripping quietly answering his pleas.

.... More To Come ...

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