TITLE: What Happens Here Stays Here

RATING: PG-13

PAIRING: Harm/Mac

Disclaimer: I do now own JAG

Author's Note: Finally!!! Sorry this update took so long. Many of these scenes took some time to write. It's a big update though, so enjoy! Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I have loved the great response, which keeps me writing diligently. Read and Review! Enjoy!

Chapter Title: Is it Possible?

Time and Place Unknown

Cold. It was the first feeling to course through his veins, so strong, so overwhelming, causing him to awake from unconsciousness. Yet he couldn't open his eyes, knowing his surroundings probably have not changed much. How long had he been here? Hours? Days? Time slipped by so slowly, stuck in the nothingness and monotony that characterized this world. This would normally anger him, making him yell and scream, create havoc for those who have him bounded.

If I had the energy, he thought to himself.

His eyes assumed a life of their own, opening to small slits, barely registering how he was positioned. Was he on the floor? Must be, as he felt the hard, rough wood beneath his arm and shoulder. Realizing he was lying on his side, he then flipped himself on his back, only to moan with suffocating pain. The pain. He remembered it now. How could he forget?

The room around him was simple. A bed ... more like a soft mattress on ever- breaking strings. Especially with my weight, he observed, as he remembered being thrown on it when he first arrived, feeling the bed sink every time he attempted to find solace in it's awkward comfort.

Gazing at the ceiling, his senses suddenly picked up voices just outside the door of his small room. The same voices, the same men, who had taken him from his apartment, beat him unconscious, and brought him here. Since many of the events were still quite a blur for him, he could only assume that's what happened. One moment he stood at his stove, making eggs, and the next ...

Sprawled out on a table in a dark room, surges of ...

Maybe electricity?

Something hot ... burning ...

The pain stinging his skin, traveling through his bones from head to toe ...

His throat raw from screaming ...

Blackout ...

And they didn't even ask me any questions, he mused with a sad laugh.

Sitting up seemed like a terribly high mountain to climb, yet he knew he needed to move, gain some flexibility for whatever moment may present itself. A moment giving him the chance to escape. Maybe he saw his situation in a much more positive light than most would, but there was a simple reason for this; her. Her image covered his eyes during his pain, helped him fall asleep, and helped him keep calm in a world he didn't quite understand yet.

Her strength gave him the courage to sit up, to wait, to pray for the moment of escape to come.

Maybe she didn't even know he was missing yet, but that was okay. In fact, he considered talking to her, writing to her, with only the words from his thoughts available. They would cross water, desert, and huge forests to reach her heart, to settle in her soul. She would hear him. It was all he had now, the activity he would continue to do, to ensure her he would return, he would find a way. That they will always be together. He knew he needed to keep doing this, not just for her, but also for him.

He needed to convince himself.

Sarah. My dear Sarah. I'm alive. I see you in all of my thoughts. I pray I will see you again. Your face, your presence gives me strength, gives me hope that I we will be together soon. That I will survive.

I know you will never leave me.

I know you will find me.

Love, Harm

Daniel Winters's Office
CIA Headquarters
Langley, VA

The artificial warmth generated by stepping indoors made Mac's skin tingle. She never expected herself to be standing in the CIA Headquarters again. After Webb's death, in fact, she vowed never to return to this awful place. Every corner, every hallway, and every face reminded her of the loss she endured eight months prior. At that time she felt a need to purge her life of everything that reminded her of Clayton, the future with him lost in a blink of an eye, the love affair that helped her redefine her true identity, and the memories not yet shaped fallen helplessly into the black hole of his untimely death. Luckily, Harm, the friend and the man who has never left her, held her hand through her tears, stayed with her night after night for comfort. And yet, never did she expect this.

Never did I expect to be back here again, Mac grimaced. Never did I expect to be looking for Harm.

Mac normally would not have followed Daniel Winters, knowing nothing of the man and the possible danger of entrusting him, had it not been for the sensitive information he supplied. Information she did not have time to even consider or wish for throughout the day. Only then did she realize how deeply she truly loved Harm, her emotions boiling over, so consumed by the dreadful idea that he was dead. The words hurt her so deeply; a spot in her soul she didn't even know existed.

Gratefully, whether Harm was still alive or not, Mac found a new determination, convinced that she would believe in his survival until proven otherwise. Daniel Winters' information reminded her of one simple fact; there was no body. That alone should have triggered her innate investigative skills, if nothing else would trigger them. Yet Mac knew to keep these thoughts to herself, especially with this CIA agent whom she knew nothing about. As long as she was around him, she needed to be very careful. Clay taught her that.

In fact, Clay reminded her of the never changing slogan that characterized every CIA agent. The job always came first.

Always.

"How do you know Harm is alive?" Mac asked, nonchalantly, not wanting to reveal how essential his answer would be to her own sanity, as well as to the one piece of information that remained a trump card; her personal relationship with Harm. As far as she knew, it was still well hidden. Part of her sensed that somewhere in the near future, using her relationship with Harm would be an advantage. Somehow it would help, even if she were the only one aware of it.

As she walked towards a picture in Winters' office, the famous display of American heroism as firefighters placed the flag atop the World Trade Center rubble, Daniel replied calmly, sitting comfortably behind his desk, "Two main reasons, Colonel."

Mac turned from the picture to look at him with interest, noting he had removed his bulky, blue coat to sit down, revealing a picture-perfect suit underneath. An agent never changes. "One, the picture is a fake."

Mac huffed slightly, moving to gaze at the next picture on his wall, this time of the gutted Pentagon. "That's interesting, Mr. Winters, because the Navy disagrees," she informed, a challenging tone to her demeanor. In fact, just that day the Navy investigators agreed that the picture was indeed the real thing. Nothing suggested the picture was at all false. Considering this reasoning, Mac felt her hope begin to deflate like a balloon slowly running out of air. Perhaps she was allowing herself to get caught up in false hope, only holding on to the slim chance that Harm was still alive because she needed to.

Maybe she needed to face facts.

"I assure you, Colonel, it's a fake." The unwavering tone of his voice irked Mac just a bit, enough to cause her to wonder what was really going on. Instinctively, Mac sensed with the CIA's sudden interest and involvement in Harm's current situation, there was every reason to believe that neither Harm nor herself had any clue as to how deep this case went. Or who this case actually involved and didn't involve. "It's essential that the public believes the photograph to be real," Daniel replied, a small, content smirk crossing his handsome features.

Mac nodded, the sheer vastness of the statement indicating the maze of connections and contacts already involved in something she truly believed both she and Harm had merely tripped over. How many times had such an occurrence happened before? Too many.

Some days, Mac thought bitterly, I hate being a JAG officer..

"An unofficial agreement to officially post a lie?" Mac asked with a smirk, knowing full well how the system worked.

Daniel's smirk never left. "You could say that. Those that took Commander Rabb falsified his death, and we merely looked the other way. We both have reasons to keep this quiet."

Mac walked toward a third picture, this time of the downed airplane in Pennsylvania, realizing she wouldn't understand everything completely until she heard the rest of his explanation. "And the second reason?"

Daniel nodded as he leaned back in his chair, hands folded in his lap. "I was outside Commander Rabb's apartment when he was taken. I saw it happen."

The statement was so simple, said so calmly and with no regrets or sadness, that Mac was almost convinced she didn't hear him correctly. The implications of such an admission, what it truly meant, almost forced Mac to sit down just to absorb everything. The initial shock caused her to immediately glare at him, anger quickly overtaking and ruling her mood. In mere reaction, Mac asked with great annoyance, "You what?"

Daniel didn't smile this time, only looked away, obviously aware of Mac's mood change. In fact, it was to be expected. "I saw them push him into a car and drive away," he whispered, though still said in deep confidence and reassurance.

However, Mac's anger and disappointment in the CIA was far too great, especially when their colossal mistake involved someone whom she deeply loved. How could anyone just sit there and let it happen? Her future with Harm was quickly placed in jeopardy because of apparent CIA politics, bravado, or lack thereof.

Actually, Mac was getting sick of the CIA. Haven't they ruined my life enough? Mac thought bitterly.

First Clayton ...

Now Harm ...

"So you knew," Mac stated angrily, taking no time to step right up to his desk, only the discipline of a Marine officer keeping any outrageous, yet justified, actions at bay. She expressed exactly what Daniel's declaration meant. He knew Harm was going to be taken. To assume his presence outside of Harm's apartment was a coincidence would be giving the CIA too much credit, or perhaps not enough. Either way, she safely assumed the obvious here.

And she was right.

"Yes, I did. We only suspected, in truth, but it seemed highly likely that Commander Rabb was the next target. We let them take him because it allowed us to track where they were going, and hopefully lead us to their hidden headquarters." Daniel explained, still cool, calm, and collected.

Mac sorely wanted to unleash her fury on this heartless man. Only the CIA could sit back and watch, Mac thought bitterly. However, knowing such a reaction would be of no help, she continued to ask questions. She needed to save Harm, even if she may be the only one to go after him. Though her words could not hide her anger well as she muttered, cheeks flush with red as she walked away from his desk, "I can't believe this." Stopping in the middle of the room, she turned and asked angrily, "The next target of what and of whom?"

This question caused Daniel to stand up, his hands on the desk to support his tall frame. "The next target of a very small group in the United States, who happens to be supplying and aiding terrorist groups in the Middle East bent on planning another 9/11. We've been tracking them for months. Our work has been quite successful. We've arrested many of their members, some important. However, in doing so, we angered them. To fight back, they've been taking American civilians hostage, trying to trade. Well, you know the United States' stance on terrorists."

"Why Harm?" she asked with irritation, stepping up towards the desk again, still not understanding the significance of Harm's involvement, or her own, for that matter. Actually, the simple question had plagued her since this began, for obvious reasons. Sure, the small terrorist group might see advantage in taking a military officer, especially one of great importance and significance. Yet Mac still didn't see this when thinking of Harm. If anything, Harm's assignment and work in JAG would give him the reputation of simplicity, a military officer whose life rarely is dangerous.

Daniel moved around to the left side of the desk. "He's a high-ranking military officer with no one around him much of the time and no one guarding him, as would be on other bases. He's popular in Washington, has connections in the government because of his work at JAG. Since he's involved with the law, the group is hoping he, or one of his connections, will be willing to pull strings ... or trade privately. With the press uninvolved and following the wrong path because of Commander Rabb's 'death', it gives those wanting to trade for him room to do so without looking ... shall I say ... un-American?"

Mac took a second to digest this information, complicated, yet simple when considering the terrorist group's thought process. Harm wasn't chosen at random, or merely chosen because he was a military officer, but rather for precisely who he was and what he represented; a high-ranking military officer, a JAG officer who works daily with military law and had colleagues not only within JAG, such as herself, who might know useful loopholes, but also had friends in the government, such as a certain Congresswoman, who might feel a need to step in.

Suddenly everything made painful sense.

And with the press and Navy investigators tricked into believing Harm is truly dead, the small corner of the CIA and this case remained safely in the dark. Under such darkness, anything could be done.

Even if someone in the press or the Navy might question the picture, it would take him or her longer to catch on than the case would take to end completely. Harm, if everything went correctly, would be home by then.

Sighing deeply, Mac crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "So I'm a connection who might be willing to trade? Is that what you're saying?" Though she already knew the answer, she was reminded of her own advice; never let on how much you really know to someone you don't trust.

Daniel stepped up to her, the serious tone in his features overshadowing much of the room. Not all was said here, and Mac wasn't sure if she wanted to hear anymore. Already she floated through different emotions throughout the day, from happiness that her case would be finished so she could return home, sadness at the information that Harm was dead, and now anger that the CIA placed him in horrible danger while they attempted to infiltrate the terrorist group further; perhaps even get rid of it completely. And considering this, what could be worse than some terrorists taking the love of her life hostage? What could be worse than losing him if they misstep even the slightest? What if they don't get to him in time?

"There's something I haven't told you, Colonel," he whispered, his eyes ensuring his door was closed before returning his meaningful gaze to Mac. His eyes couldn't hide his concern, perhaps for her, maybe for Harm, but mostly importantly for the CIA and what was to come.

And whatever he's going to say... I know I'm not going to like it.

"Do I want to know this?" she asked sarcastically, willingly showing her exhaustion with all of the secrecy that already took place here.

Daniel took a second, thinking quickly, before replying calmly, "Once we saw Commander Rabb's name in the transmissions we intercepted, they assigned me to follow him. I was there that night because of my assignment, and I had been there for months."

Strangely, Mac felt her stomach tighten in anticipation. Perhaps the CIA knew much more than she assumed they did. "And?" she persisted, hiding her nervous tension as she stepped up to him, sensing what he was going to say, yet urging him to reveal for certain.

"And ... I know." He smiled only a little, his expression indicating exactly what he saw throughout his surveillance of Harmon Rabb, Jr. He had seen her. He saw her coming to his apartment, he going to hers. He knew they never left their apartments until the next day, and they left together. He knew about the Vegas trip, even, perhaps, about most of the dates they went on over the course of the past few months.

He knew everything.

At that moment, Mac felt more exposed than ever before in her life thus far. Part of her wanted to run out of the office and hide in her apartment, while the stronger part stood up to him. She couldn't run away now. And from what? Did she really want to run away, not particularly from Daniel Winters, but from Harm? Not only from the chance to save him, but from the chance to admit to a section of the outside world that she loved him? That she was proud to love him?

It's not something I should be ashamed of, Mac reminded herself.

In fact, it's something I've wanted to flaunt for months now.

Mac only smiled simply in return, allowing her tough demeanor to rule and overshadow her shock, saying hotly, "Congratulations, Agent Winters, for spying on Harm's and my personal lives."

Daniel put his hands up in immediate surrender. "Colonel, trust me, I was only spying on those who were already spying on you."

Mac sighed deeply, hiding her heightened curiosity as she asked, "Someone else was spying on us?"

Daniel nodded. "Yes, Colonel. The terrorist group sent one of their own men in." He then swiftly moved behind his desk to retrieve a manila folder, and handing it to Colonel Mackenzie. "In fact," he replied as she opened the folder to reveal the face of the very man who had followed them for months, "He's still following you. What I know, they know, I guarantee it. The terrorist group is banking on your love for the Commander. They're relying on your cooperation.

"They're relying on you to save Harm."

Mac took one more glance at the face, a small goatee, skin dark as that of the Middle East, yet his name American.

Suddenly what she had to do didn't seem so simple ...

Suddenly, what I have to do ... I will commit my life to ...

After slow seconds passed, Daniel felt the urge to continue talking, to explain further, and stated confidently, "I wanted you involved, not just because that's what the terrorist group wanted or because of your own safety. I wanted you involved because you're a Marine, you're tough, a hard-ass, and you love Harm more than anything in the world. You're going to fight for him. I can't get that anywhere else."

Daniel placed his hands on his hips, watching her reaction, watching her think through all of her options, allowing a minute to pass before he mused, "Semper Fi, Colonel?"

Mac nodded, handing him the file. "Semper Fi."

The fight for Harm has begun ...

There was no question, nothing to think about ...

I'm coming, Harm ...

Mac's Apartment
Georgetown
0230 EST

The night wore on as Mac returned to her apartment, her muscles aching from too much use during the day. Amusement crossed her features, realizing she had done nothing except cry for her fallen colleague ... for her fallen Harm. Yet hope surged through her veins, like that of a stimulant drug readying her for the days to come. If she thought her muscles ached now, she couldn't imagine how they would feel after days and days of Marine Recon like stealth, adrenaline sapping every ounce of energy she could ever muster to accomplish her goal.

In fact, she realized in that moment she would die for Harm.

As she unlocked her door and walked into the suffocating darkness, images from the past began to flash across the front of her mind. So many memories she has had with Harm, so many times have they risked their lives for the other. And they've done all of this without a second's thought, without regret, only the solace of the other's survival enough of a thank you.

A weak smile brushed across her lips as she thought of the first time they were truly in trouble together ...

"I'm going to get you through this, Mac. I promise."

The cloth, drenched in water from the river next to us, brushed across my face, dampening my fever. In his eyes, I saw concern, I saw caring ... perhaps even love.

"Harm, there's something I've gotta know ..."

Even today Mac can hear and feel the bullet nearly missing them, the whooshing sound deafening her ears as well as her intentions in the moment passed, Harm pushing her to the ground for safety. How long has it been? Nine years, Mac thought, since we were stuck in the woods with poachers tracking us like animals because we caught them burying the game warden. Though the pain from the buckshot to her leg was gone, the scar remained, reminding her of the close call she and Harm survived together.

Like I could ever forget ...

Entering her bathroom and shedding her clothes, Mac started the shower, giving it a chance to warm up before she stepped in. Without much effort, the steam from the warm water quickly enveloped her in a blinding fog, allowing her mind to travel through lost memories, to forget about this current reality and recall one not too far back. Remembering those special moments before she and Harm started going out together was easy, and Mac never understood why. But recently, remembering the course of their new relationship, Mac found it troublesome and difficult. It was this time she wanted to recall, the events that would forever remind her of how her love for Harm developed over the past six months, why it was so much stronger than anything she has ever felt, and why she was so willing to die for it

And this, she mused, was how it began ...

Mac's office
JAG Headquarters
6 months ago
1300 EST

Mac sipped a little of her coffee, the contents of which usually offered her comfort and solace in the midst of a difficult day. However, today was not that day. Spending the entire morning in court was bad enough, but when the time spent only weakened her case because of a stupid mistake, a section of the case she admittedly missed in her hours of investigation, it only humiliated and accentuated the already horrible morning. Even now, as she sat at her desk in her quiet office, the bustling from the bullpen usually acting as a rhythmic song, dulling her to the confines of her work, her mind could not push the fog of this day away.

Two months ago from this moment ...

Mac shuttered, remembering the words that were forever labeled to her vocabulary, her control and sensibility on the edge of explosion each time she repeated them to herself. As she ran her fingers across the rim of the coffee cup, she knew instantly that she would be of no help to anyone today. There was just too much to handle right now.

In fact, it took her almost six weeks of that two-month time period to get back on track. In some ways she was disappointed in herself for taking so long to recover, despite the sensitive nature of such a personal, life-changing trial. Many of her friends, especially Harm, expected her to take a long hiatus, perhaps even longer to truly deal with such a catastrophe. Yet, her Marine structure did not allow her too long to drown in her own sorrows.

It was time to move on.

And here I am, Mac thought, thinking about it again.

Sighing deeply, she opened her file again, determined to get at least some work done this afternoon. It was the least she could do after performing horribly all morning.

Scribbling a few notes to the file in front of her, Mac only felt the breeze from the open window, a vile attempt to cool her extremely hot office down, as she neglected to sense a tall presence in her doorway. She vaguely heard the soft knock on her open door, something instinctively causing her to look up to see a handsome, smiling face stare back at her.

"Hey, Mac," Harm greeted, wearing his summer, tan fatigues, complimenting Mac's own dress in the same type, but Marine form. His eyes gave way to his inner worry for Mac, the worry that hadn't truly left for two months. He knew what today meant, what she was probably thinking about. Yet his smile remained happy, comforting, and kind.

Mac smiled back. "Hey."

He walked in then, accepting the silent invitation. Harm and Mac knew each other so well they rarely needed pleasantries or permission to enter the personal space of the other. Revealing a manila folder from underneath his arm, he placed it before Mac on her desk. "I reviewed the Sanderson case and made a few notes."

Mac nodded knowingly, immediately opening the folder. "Oh, great. Actually, I haven't had a chance to look at it myself." The Sanderson case was the first case since Admiral Chegwidden left JAG that they were assigned as a team to investigate. For once, they weren't at odds with each other in a courtroom, which, in this particular period of time, suited Mac greatly. Perhaps it wasn't Marine-like to say this, but Mac didn't feel very competitive lately, especially with the one friend whom she needed the most right now.

On top of this current case, Mac was also investigating five others, dealing with the tidal wave of work that came with the new JAG, Admiral Krennick. Everyone had the same caseload, and also expressed the same grievances. Yet everyone else seemed to be surviving and staying afloat. She, on the other hand, felt a bit suffocated.

Harm folded his arms across his chest. "I've noticed," he stated quietly, with some concern lacing his words. "If you need some help ...".

"No, Harm, I'm fine," Mac insisted, refusing to let him finish. She was a Marine, she didn't need help. If anything, this was a test. She could complain all she wished, but when the end came, only she could pick herself up and brush herself off. The only way to ride again is to get back on, Mac thought. And I can't do it if someone is holding my hand.

Harm merely nodded, openly satisfied with that answer, but jotting this moment into his memory. He knew when Mac wished to talk no further on the subject, especially this one, despite having never said a word about the real issue discussed here, underneath the surface... the anniversary of the event ... a day that changed Mac's life ...

The day she heard Webb would never come back from his mission.

"I got a call from Mattie last night," Harm said quietly, his smile turning quickly to a genuine happiness, his face beaming with pride. For the same two months of time, Harm has allowed Mattie and her father to spend more time together. Currently they were vacationing in California, a move that nearly took the entire two months for Harm to agree upon. In all honestly, since Mattie and her father were getting along so well, and with the issue of custody soon a concern again, Harm didn't see himself winning the case. In fact, Harm sensed it might be better to step away, a decision he did not decide upon lightly. When Mattie and her father returned, he planned on telling them his intentions, knowing full well what was best for all involved; Harm needed to give them space, let them be a family again.

Recently Harm has helped Mac with her sorrow for Clay, while Mac in turn helped Harm deal with his changing role concerning Mattie; from father figure to friend.

Actually, Harm was instantly amazed as to how well Mac helped him, and he didn't ever know why such a development should surprise him. Mac has aided him with many of his life struggles before. Perhaps, after almost a year of estrangement, Harm was surprised that Mac still wanted to help, still wanted to be his friend.

Yeah, that might be it, Harm reasoned.

Mac smiled. "She's getting along with her father okay?"

Harm nodded, his smile broadening. "Yeah, she's having a lot of fun. She and her father are getting along great."

Mac knew underneath his shining smile was a man full of sadness. Though he would always be important to Mattie, deep down, Harm knew it would never be the same. Night after night Mac tried to comfort him, help him understand his new role in Mattie's life. Yet she knew it would take quite some time for Harm to release his worry, to accept a role he didn't fully comprehend. "And you miss her," Mac noted, only describing the mixed emotions on his face.

He nodded.

Mac continued, wanting to remind him again, "It's what she needs. And what you've done for her ..."

Harm, however, immediately cut her off, "I know. She won't forget about me." Though he normally found comfort in talking about this with Mac, at the moment, he didn't feel truly up to it. It only saddened him further, and today, he had no intentions of feeling down on himself. He had been doing that enough this week already. Gazing at Mac, seeing such understanding there, so much concern and care, all for him in this moment, made him weak at the knees. Recently, Harm had to admit, much of what Mac did made him feel vulnerable, aware of all of his surroundings, and, at the same time, only aware of her presence.

He decided then to change the subject, his own concern for Mac coming right to the front. "I heard you had a rough time of it in court this morning," he stated quietly, stepping a little closer to the desk.

Mac then looked away, back to her cases, the special moment of mutual concern quickly fizzed out, like water over fire. The heat was gone. Quickly jotting absent notes, Mac shot back quickly, "Nothing I can't handle."

Harm nodded, his hands going to his hips. "Still, if you need someone to talk to ...". Yet he knew better than to press the issue, even though he felt he needed to say it, to promote his own availability for Mac. He would be there, and he would always be there.

"Was there anything else you needed?" Mac interrupted quickly, her glance from her notes indicating that she was, indeed, finished with this subject. Mac enjoyed Harm caring for her, enjoyed the fact that he insisted on helping her through these recent months. However, some days, she felt better dealing with it alone, or not talking about it at all. In a world where she was trying to forget, talking about it only made forgetting much more difficult and drawn out.

If I wanted to move on, Mac thought, I have to move past this ... and dwelling on it only lets the problem live longer.

Harm nodded and started heading for the door. "No." However, he stopped and turned towards her.

There was more he needed to say.

"What?" Mac asked, unable to hide her initial worry even if she wanted to.

Harm smiled a little, and walked a little further into the room. "Well ... you had your court room drama thing this morning ... and, of course, Webb ... and then I have the whole Mattie thing ..."

Mac smirked; sensing something interesting might just happen. "And?"

"And ...," Harm began, the smile creeping further across his lips. "I think we should drown our sorrows tonight. I think we deserve it."

Mac felt her smile grow, no matter how hard she tried to keep a straight face. She may not want to talk about Clay, but she may be in the mood for some fun. "Drown them in what?" she asked, hiding her interest behind her amusement.

Harm shrugged absently, his face looking away in a fake embarrassment. "Milkshakes? Of course, if you think can't handle it ..." he offered, a hint of challenge in his voice.

Mac couldn't help but laugh slightly, something inside of her twisting in anticipation. Anticipation for what, she didn't know. But she couldn't wait to find out.

In fact, she would venture to say, she hasn't felt this way since Mic. Sure, she had a relationship with Clay, which was mostly a fling at that moment in that time, during such a dramatic, life changing stage of existence. But with Mic, there was something. And with Harm ...

Well, with Harm, there has always been ... something.

Though Mac felt it may be too soon after Clay ...

She also felt a need for that companionship ... if only by a friend, as a friend ...

"Oh, I can handle that ..." Mac mused lightly, and continued in the most serious tone she could muster, "But you should know that whenever a man buys me a milkshake, they have to buy me a burger, too."

Harm laughed and smiled. "You are tough, Marine." Inwardly, he felt relief. Above all else, Harm sensed he was getting his best friend back.

Mac smiled in return.

They were going to have fun ...

AJ's Ice Cream and Grille Stand
Washington, D.C.
2030 EST

"I can't believe you can eat that," Harm joked, watching as Mac took a bite of her burger, obviously enjoying it. Mac has always loved burgers, and Harm has always wondered why. For him, staying in shape and at top form meant eating healthy foods, avoiding the bad calories as often as possible. A beer, or a snack, or even a milkshake now and again didn't hurt. But when Mac eats burgers as often as she does, and still remains one of the most beautiful women Harm as ever seen, his health tips mean nothing.

Mac smiled as she set the burger down on the crimpled paper it was once wrapped in. "I work it off. What I can't believe is how you can eat that grass all the time."

Harm immediately looked down at his salad, realizing then how awkward this must look to any one passing by; the man with the skimpy salad while the woman ate the huge quarter-pound burger. The only thing left to do was drink another gulp of his vanilla milkshake, his eyes gazing at the knowing look from Mac. How often they bantered back and forth, and how often Harm reveled in it. "At least I'll live longer," he shot back.

Mac huffed. "But how happy will you be?"

Harm shook his head, watching as she took a sip from her chocolate milkshake. They were sitting outside on a picnic table next to the ice cream stand, the light breeze coming off of the Potomac River, amply cooling the humid air down enough to make the night enjoyable. The temperatures in Washington this week had been stifling. Though looking across at Mac, her hair, which she recently grew past her shoulders, down, and wearing a short-sleeved red shirt and shorts, Harm knew he felt warm for many reasons. His own blue shirt and khaki pants felt like a winter coat in this heat.

In fact, the heat caused him to look down at his salad, hoping to hide the flush at his cheeks. Why did he suddenly feel like a hormonal teenager?

There's always something in the way
There's always something getting through

"Are you feeling better?" Harm asked, now gazing up. They agreed to not talk about anything of these past two months, yet such a request was difficult to completely agree upon. Everything in their lives right now related back to Webb or Mattie. There wasn't room to get past it.

Mac nodded, picking her burger up again, replying before taking a bite, "A little."

But it's not me
It's you
It's you

Harm watched as he fumbled his fork through his salad, feeling a sudden sense of reflection as he remarked quietly, "We've been through so much this year." He then looked from his salad to an interested Mac, who continued to listen. "I honestly didn't think we would still be friends ..." he began, but stopped, fighting the urge to continue his thoughts.

Mac, however, finished it for him. "Because of Paraguay?" She knew what he was thinking, what has been on his mind for this two-month period, and what has been on the forefront of their recent time together. Somehow, they ended this year together, though they started it separate, seemingly forever.

Sometimes ignorance rings true
But hope is not in what I know

Harm nodded, feeling an urge to express his feelings, his concerns for Mac. He never wanted any of this to turn out this way, no matter how much he loved Mac, no matter how much he was hurt because of her choice of Webb over himself, and no matter how much he wished this year had never happened. Because if it hadn't, he would never have met Mattie. Catching a quick glance to his salad, and then meeting Mac's eyes, he whispered with great sincerity, "I'm sorry you lost Webb."

It's not me ... me
It's in you
It's in you

Mac sighed slightly, seeing that, even though Harm has said that a million times during the past two months, only now did he truly mean it. He never wanted to see her relationship with Clay suffer or be destroyed by death. He, just like she felt towards him, wanted her to be happy, above all else. It was what they wanted for each other. Yet in this moment, Mac sensed that, with the interesting course this year has taken, the two of them, no matter how estranged they were, ended up sitting at a picnic table and reflecting about the losses each sustained and overcame.

How they ended up at the end again, together ...

It's all I know
It's all I know
It's all I know

"I know," Mac responded. As she finished the last of her burger, she crumpled the paper into a small ball, looking up to see Harm closing the lid on his salad. "I'm sorry you lost Mattie," Mac added, her heart feeling open, soft, revealing in this moment, as their eyes met again.

Harm smiled then, tossing his plastic holder for his salad into the nearby trashcan. He stood, took Mac's paper and threw it in the trashcan, as well, before reaching his hand to hers. "Let's go for a walk."

I found peace when I'm confused
I find hope when I'm let down

Mac couldn't think of a better idea, standing and taking his hand as they moved to the walkway next to the river. The warm air welcomed them into the soft glow of the moon overhead, the night serene and calm. Vaguely, Mac heard the sounds of the river, sloshing and moving below them, as they continued to walk, her hand instinctively moving to take hold of his arm. Her mind shifted through the many memories she and Harm have shared together, and instantly she knew this night would be distinct, something both would look upon with nostalgia.

But not in me ... me
In you
It's in you

They may not be going out, but no one could question the deep concern and caring they had for each other. Especially now, the feelings revived, their friendship suddenly given new life, as Mac pulled him eagerly to the railing to look over the water. Instantly the soft wind brushed across her face, cooling her skin and warming her heart, as she leaned on the metal railing for support.

I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end ...

Harm placed his hands on the top rail, his eyes looking to the most beautiful site in the entire world; Mac. Again he felt the warm feeling flushing through his veins, nervous and exciting. Maybe his intentions at the beginning of this "date" were merely friendship oriented. But now, with everything they have survived together, with nothing falling from the sky trying to prevent this moment to progressing to a point neither had predicted, Harm knew something had changed. Maybe neither knew how far it would go, or even if the feeling would survive past this initial moment.

Either way, Harm took the initiative, though simple in form, and leaned against the railing next to Mac, and took her hand in his.

But not in me ... me
In you
In you

Mac smiled inwardly, looking to Harm, noticing his eyes had not left her since they started walking. Now, standing in the glow from the streetlight adjacent to their current position, Mac felt she had reclaimed her friend. The feeling rejuvenated every cell in her body, her courage that was once diminished gaining new life under the support of the one person who could give it to her.

How essential his friendship has been to her ...

How essential he has been to her ...

Harm squeezed her hand, and whispered, "I've missed you, Sarah."

It's all I know

Mac couldn't stop her heart from racing, realizing then her mind, her senses, only saw this man in front of her, and everything else, from the river to the bright glow of the streetlight, was completely pushed away from the special touch, the special connection shared in this surreal memory.

Time stood still, and Mac knew that if she wanted to say anything special to this man, the time was now.

It's all I know

There were no terrorists trying to capture them ...

No CIA agent trying to pull her away ...

Only her own inhibitions, JAG, her recent loss ...

It's all I know

"I've missed you, too," Mac finally said in return, seeing herself as Sarah Mackenzie, the woman who loved this man in front of her, and would love him for the rest of her life.

In you

And in this moment ... he needed to know she never stopped thinking about him this year ...

She never truly left him, and couldn't imagine her life without him ...

In you

And before Mac knew what was happening, she reached up to him, and placed a simple kiss to his cheek. Inwardly she mused at a similar moment, the special, small ceremony held for Harm when he won his Navy Flying Cross for his heroism right before he left his dream of aviation. She gave him a kiss on the cheek then, as part of the ceremony, his words "be gentle" echoing through her mind like a sweet song on a summer evening.

It's in you

A summer evening just like this ...

Be gentle, Mac whispered to herself.

In you

Be gentle ...

Mac's Apartment
Georgetown
Washington, D.C.
Present – 0240 EST

Mac felt the tears stinging her eyes, her hands on the wall of the shower attempting to support her weak, exhausted frame. The moment flipped through her mind like a moving picture, the shots clicking carefully and rhythmically, ordered and sapping her of any energy she had left. The water fell unceremoniously across her soft skin, the images of Harm drowning her in deep sorrow. Instantly she wished he was here, his arms encircling her, his kisses at the back of her neck, his breath tickling her cheek. Could she really go through life without him? Was it possible?

There's always something in the way ...
There's always something getting through

Finally feeling the strength to move, she turned the shower off, wishing she could turn off her quenching despair. Moving to her bedroom, Mac opened a drawer to her dresser, retrieving a gray shirt that was much too big. Pulling it over her head, the word Navy labeled across the front, the familiar fragrance of someone long gone taking her away, pulling her to a nostalgic world overflowing with a sought after happiness. A happiness Mac knew now she may never reach.

But it's not me ... me

Pulling the covers away and slipping in, Mac was amazed how empty the bed felt, how cold it seemed without him. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel him pressing up against her, protecting her, keeping her safe. His strong arms belonged to her and no one else. Her kisses, which began on that glorious night next to the river, would be reserved only for him from that day forward.

It's you
It's you
It's you ...

And she would reserve them still.

Deep in the lonely night, she felt his presence, his love, his heart, and his soul reaching across barriers of space, time, water, and desert.

And a promise ...

It's you
It's you

I will find you, Harm ...

I will never leave you.

My love ... my life ...

We will be together again.

It's you
It's you

Fade Out song ...

Reviews Welcome ...

More to Come ...

Switchfoot – "You"