Now That's Scary
Chapter 8: You'll Never Guess Who This Is
Or, The Nightmare Before (Fill in the Blank)
Or, Recurring Nightmares
Or, Repetition is the Spice of Death
Disclaimer: The Nightmare Before Christmas is not mine, but any other potential movie in this chapter might be.
This chapter mocks the idea of Jack taking over other holidays. It's an interesting concept, but not likely to happen.
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Jack Skellington (pay attention to what his last name is; there will be a test) stood in his tower. The window was ajar. Jack called to the denizens below, "Hey, everyone! What do you think about me taking over another holiday?"
"NO!" yelled the townspeople.
Jack backed into his room. "Okay…I just wanted to be sure." He closed the window, walked over to his bed, and lie down upon it. A depressed expression crossed Jack's face. He was supposed to have learned his lesson, and he had. Nevertheless, his boredom with the constant celebration of Halloween still swept into Jack's mind from time to time. Although Jack now put forth more than just the slightest little effort into his career, the woe-is-me-because-I-am-the-Pumpkin-King-and-I'm-so-incredibly-scary-but-I'm-still-bored-out-of-my-skull-whine-whine-whine-(sound of wrists being slit) anxiety still caught up with him on occasion. What was he to do?
"Well, I'm not really in the mood to burst into song right now. So…I'll give Sally a call."
He opened the window once more, then took a breath (if that was possible.) Jack had trained his undead vocal cords to produce specific kinds of screams that only certain beings could hear. In this case, he was going to produce a scream that was only detectable by Sally's ears.
"SAAALLLLLLLYYY! BRING ALL YOUR THREAD!"
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Sally now stood before Jack. "What do you want me to do?" she asked politely, giving a slight curtsy.
"I want you to make me another Sandy—I mean, Santa Claus outfit."
"Are you crazy? You seriously aren't going to try that Christmas thing again, are you?"
"No. Of course not. I just want another Santa Claus suit."
"I don't think so."
Jack was disappointed. He bit his skeletal lip, then had an idea. Sally always wanted to make Jack happy, but she still wouldn't do anything unless she thought it was a good idea—or unless it would let Sally do something that would make her happy, as well.
"Why not?" Jack asked Sally. "After all, you worked so hard to make the first one, and it got ruined instead. I'd take good care of another suit. Besides, it would make me happy."
Sally sighed. She had an internal debate with herself, then said, "All right."
"Oh, good!" Jack clapped his hands together. "And can you make me an Easter Bunny costume, a leprechaun suit, and a Cupid outfit, too?"
Sally stared at Jack.
"Please?"
"Okay," she said with a sigh. "I'll do it."
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A few weeks had passed, and Sally had sewn a Santa Claus outfit for Jack. Said Pumpkin King was now strutting around his room in the new outfit.
"It's great, Sally. Thank you."
"You're welcome," Sally said, as if she had been congratulated for strangling a dog.
Jack opened the window of his tower room. Everyone outside shrieked in terror.
"Oops! Bad idea," he noted, closing the window.
"Tell me about it."
"Oh, come on. So, are you going to make those other suits or what?"
"Er…."
"You said you would. I hate to sound bossy, but you should get to it."
"If I must, Jack."
"I'm Santa for now." After seeing Sally's look of horror, Jack said, "Not really, of course."
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A month came, and Jack wore his dark purple Easter Bunny outfit with pride. He walked along a street, and the townspeople had to bite the insides of their cheeks to keep from laughing.
"Your bunny suit is very—(cough)—interesting," said a vampire.
"Thank you," said Jack. "It took Sally a long time to make it, you know."
"Looks good enough to eat," the Wolfman chuckled.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Of course I was. You look as inedible as ever."
"Well," chortled the sax-player, "you don't look like no Bone Daddy anymore, that's for sure."
"Then what do I look like, Jazzman?" Jack inquired.
"I dunno," said the sax-player, who tried to resume playing his saxophone, but was unable due to fits of laughter.
"Ha ha ha HA HA ha ha ha HA HA HA!" giggled both of the commercialized witches.
"I give him a 4," said the gray one, after Jack was out of earshot.
Jack passed Sally on the road.
"Oh, hello! What do you think of my outfit? You made it, after all."
Sally looked nervously from side to side. "I think I did a good job, Jack, but I—"
"It's 'Peter Cottontail.' For now, anyway."
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A few more months passed, and Sally had made all sorts of other suits for Jack. In addition to the holiday-themed ones, there were wordplay suits. These were made so that Jack could be Union Jack, Jack Frost, Polignac, or Cracker Jack whenever he wanted.
Sally also sewed many other kinds of clothing for Jack. Eventually, Jack's pinstripe suit landed in the back of the closet.
The denizens of Halloween Town noticed other changes in their king. He had been painting eggs and hiding them around the town, squealing with delight as he rediscovered each egg. Jack had also taken to cutting hearts out of construction paper and distributing them to random people, most of whom saw nothing odd with the fact that the hearts were shaped like human ones. In addition, Jack even tried to make all sorts of ghastly presents and give them to children, but he couldn't find enough children in Halloween Town.
One day, Jack was wearing his Santa Claus outfit while talking to Sally. They were in the tower room again, having a pleasant conversation.
"I just want to thank you for making me all these wonderful outfits. Dressing up like different holidays is so much fun. I don't know what I would do without a great girl like you."
"Thank you," said Sally, grinning.
Jack walked over to the picture of himself (which Sally had thoughtfully repaired) that hung on the wall. He took the picture down, walked back to his bed, and sat upon it. Showing the picture to Sally, Jack asked, "But how come you didn't make me a Halloween costume?"
Sally's mouth hung open slightly. "What are you talking about? You had a Halloween costume before I started making the other suits for you."
"No, I didn't. I want a Halloween costume like the one that guy's wearing," Jack said, tapping the picture of himself. "Those stripes are amazing. The bow tie is great, too. It makes him look all the more menacing—and somehow dashing at the same time."
Sally scooted six and a half inches away from Jack. "Of course it does, but—"
"Yes," said Jack, admiring the picture. "That's really a fine man. Surely he must have a name. So, what's this guy's name, anyway?"
Sally rose, her mouth open wide. She was speechless.
"He looks like he belongs to Halloween—yes, he has to. It only makes sense. He seems kind of familiar, too—maybe he's a king. Oh, this guy just has to be the king of Halloween! Isn't he, Sally? Who's this guy?"
Suddenly, Sally realized what had happened. She grabbed Jack's shoulders.
"Jack, you haven't taken over the holidays. The holidays have taken over you!"
"Who's Jack? My name is Santa Claus."
Sally ran out of the room, screaming. Jack hadn't even been this bad when he tried to take over Christmas!
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I think this chapter is long enough, since adding anything to it would be redundant and unnecessary. Jack may have acted out-of-character, but that was the point.
By the way, when Jack says "That's really a fine man. Surely he must have a name," he's paraphrasing the part in The Land of Oz where Tip finishes building Jack Pumpkinhead.
Well, I'm off to watch Pee-wee's Big Adventure with my family.
NEXT TIME: Jack and Sally have a wedding, but it's not exactly a dream wedding—or a nightmare wedding.